Spy (2011–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Codename: Portis - full transcript
Stuffed.
You want that?
Your half-dribbled sausage?
Yeah, well...
Well, I guess
this is good-bye.
What do you mean?
It's not good-bye.
Custody hearing is
not till this afternoon.
I know, but we both
know it's all over.
- It's not over.
- It's over.
- Tell him it's not over.
- Nah, it's definitely over.
I would like to say that I've enjoyed
this time we spent together...
Oh, me too!
I know we haven't...
No, please, let me finish.
I would like to say that,
but I can't.
I still find you a staggeringly
habitualness individual.
Yeah. Right. Well, that's
not even a word, so.
You don't know
what habitualness means?
No, Marcus,
no one does.
Oh, dear.
Well, anyway as they say
on L.A. Law: See you in court.
- What a tool.
- Shut up! Just shut up!
What's your problem?
Do you have any idea what
it's like to face losing a child?
My parents only died
when I was six,
so no, please do tell me some
more about abandonment.
- Your parents live in Sussex.
- Well, we don't speak.
No, you don't speak, Chris
beacause you're incapable of
having an adult relationship!
I worked my behind off
to improve my life.
I don't have a quarter
of you're inteligence.
Yeah, probably.
And what do you do
with all this talent?
Nothing.
You waste it away on a
crappy dead end job
picking stupid fights
with stupid customers.
And do you
want to know why?
- No.
- Because you're scared.
And it's so much easier, isn't it,
just to reject everything?
Everyone. Life.
Before life rejects you.
Oh, sorry I drifted off
at the end there.
- Get out.
- Fine.
You're the last person
I need around me today!
You know what? Marcus is right.
You are habitualness.
Yeah, well, I still don't know
what that word means!
Spy 01x06
Codename Portis
Scan in progress.
I'm telling you,
every time.
- Identified: Tim Elliott.
- See? What? No!
Serious, that's never
happened before.
Identified: Tim Elliott.
Okay gang, here we go.
Final exams!
Come on start
taking your places.
- Tim! A quick word.
- Sir!
I have a proposition for you.
I am very grateful, but I don't
want to go on holiday with you.
No no no.
Not that, no.
Every year we send
one of our new recruits
on secondment with the CIA,
in exchange for one of their guys.
- You thought of me?
- What do you say?
Well, I can't give you
an answer right now,
I got my son's custody
hearing this afternoon.
About that.
Are you sure you don't
want my people to...
You know?
- Absolutely positive.
- Okay.
- Consider it done.
- What? No!
- No?
- No!
- But I thought said...
- Listen to me very carefully.
Do-not-shoot-my-ex-wife.
Is that understood?
Relax!
But apart from the kid
you're good to go?
Give you an answer
by the end of the day.
Okay.
But the ferry in Tenerife is
booked if you change your mind.
- Never going to happen.
- Perfect. Let me know.
- What did he want?
- No, it was nothing.
Okay, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Please, turn over your papers.
- Terrific.
- Bravo!
Very moving.
Wasn't too much?
- No way.
- Definitely not.
I don't want to
alienate the judge.
Trust me, the court
will lap it up.
So what's next?
What do you reckon?
Tim's ***?
No, I think we need to do Mork
and Judith's, examination in chief.
I agree.
Okay, we got
a case to win, people!
Do you mind?
- Well, I was sitting here first.
- Yeah.
Unbelievable ***
- Sausage?
- No, thanks.
Seems like a lifetime ago
we first sat here.
Yeah. And to think think we now know
137 different ways to kill people.
We do. And not just
innocent bystanders.
Even the ***
Absolutely.
How do you think
the hearing will go?
- Well, you met Paula.
- Right.
I'm sure Marcus wants to stay
with you more then he lets on.
Yeah. I woke up this morning with him
nailing a farewell banner to my roof.
You sure you don't want
me to come with you?
No, I'm fine.
I could poison
some of the ***
That's very sweet
but no, really.
- Hey shouldn't you get going?
- Yes, yes. I...
Yeah, damn.
- What?
- Nothing, it can wait.
No, come on, what is it?
Okay, there's something
I wanted to say. To ask you, really.
- Yeah?
- Okay, okay.
Um... yeah, no.
Oh, it... okay no, so.
Okay, well yeah,
no, the thing is...
I think I know
what the thing is.
- You do?
- Yeah. No, um...
I've been wanting to say,
ask the same thing.
- Really?
- Really.
- 'casue that- that's good then.
- Yeah, It's good, isn't it?
- So can we talk, later?
- Absolutely.
- You promise?
- Promise.
- Now go, you'll be late.
- Oh, no. Yeah, yeah.
I dont- I'm not sure if I care.
- Tim, go.
- Okay.
Good luck.
- Need any help?
- Yes, these scanners...
- Oh, it's you.
- Sorry?
- You stay away from me.
- Don't know you.
So easy to mock me,
isn't it, Mr. Smarty Pants?
Just because I don't know
exactly which scanner to buy.
- Well, the XR-10 is a good model.
- How is it? Is it?
Ah, well bad luck 'cause I'm not
falling for you cynical ruse.
- No, honestly it's our best-seller.
- How dare you?
I'm a strong independent man.
I control my environment.
How... Are you even
listening to me?
No.
Good luck!
Court rise!
No way. Are you kidding?
That is hilarious.
That's madness. Yeah.
Listen though, I should uh,
Oi mate! Yeah, take care.
Bye. Bye-bye, bye.
Yeah. Wednesday, yeah.
Looking forward to.
Okay, bye, bye.
That was David it was just um,
no, it doesn't matter.
Oki dok, everyone here?
Yes, Sir.
Crikey, you don't have
many supporters.
No, Sir.
- A bit screwed, aren't you?
- I am now.
Wait!
- Who are you?
- I'm Mr. Elliott's counselor.
Christopher Cecil Pitts Goddard.
son of the Right Honorable Lord,
Hugh D Goddard.
Father to a murdered son,
husband to a murdered wife.
Sorry, I'm a bit over excited.
Cecil?
Is this correct? Is Mr. Pitts
Goddard your counselor?
Yes, Sir.
Marvelous, let's get
this party started!
Bang! Mr. Wilkes, shoot.
Take all the time you need.
I'm sorry, this is just
such a difficult time for me.
A mother forced to battle
for the love of her son.
It's awful. It's so, so awful.
Shame on you, Sir!
With respect, Your Honor. My client
being the father is equally distraught
at having to negotiate for
the affection of his only son.
Yes! Forgotten that,
it's a good point.
One all.
- How am I doing?
- I'm sorry?
You know,
I'm a bit out of practice.
I've been off for 10 months
travelling in Indonesia with the family.
Tremendously rich
country culturally.
- You been?
- No, not yet.
Mr. Goddard?
Oh, um, I was an aid worker
in the *** district in '98.
Really?
Get on with it, Mr. Wilkes.
Idiot.
Please could you tell your
findings the court, Ms. Abdul.
Your name is
Paula Abdul?
Over the several weeks
that I worked with the family
it became increasingly clear to me
that Mr. Elliott was not cabable of
forming the emotional
bonds necessary
to be a satisfactory
guardian for Marcus.
And so it's your recommendation
that Marcus ought to live his mother?
Absolutely.
With immediate effect!
Blimey.
*** your case, isn't it?
Ms. Abdul would you
please remove your shirt?
- What?
- I object!
Mr. Goddard, I like to relax
as much as the next man,
but this is hardly a good time.
If you really indulge me, Sir,
I will prove beyond doubt
that Paula Abdul is in fact
obsessed with my client,
and as a result of him consistently
rejecting her advances
she is now seeking to punish him in
the most grotesque way imaginable.
Nonsense.
Your Honor,
I strongly object to this!
- Come on, off with it.
- What?
Don't you get uptight.
I tell you what, so you
don't feel persecuted,
I'll take my top off too. Doesn't
get any fairer than that, eh?
May I get dressed now?
What were you thinking?
Turn around, please.
- Oh, bloody hell!
- Wow!
He's dead inside.
He doesn't know how to love!
Yeah, well your evidence is
like totally whatever right now.
This is ridiculous!
Your Honor, Tim cannot offer the
ballance to homelife that Marcus needs.
Philip and I will provide the
guidance of a father and a mother.
Tim has no one in his life.
No wife, no girlfriend,
he is incapable of love.
But Your Honor,
Tim is in love.
- Are you?
- Am I?
Tim is in love with a woman
he works with, Caitlin Banks.
- Is this true?
- I think so.
Sir, it is the best kind of love.
The kind of love you dare not admit
to yourself in case you're mistaken.
A love born out of
a friendship and the trust.
A love of which you're
not even aware,
until one day
the very sight of her
causes all the oxygene
in your lungs to escape
leaving your heart a vacuum.
And so it remains gasping
until resuscitated
by a simple smile.
Tim is capable of love, Sir.
Love for a women,
love for a friend,
and love for a son.
That was excellent!
And tell me does this Caitlin,
does she reciprocate?
I don't know,
I think so.
I haven't actually been able
to tell her exactly how I feel.
- Well you must!
- Yes, Sir.
- Now! Right.
- Um, we...
No, I've heard enough.
- Your Honor!
- Shut your face, Wilkes.
Now I'll consider this matter and
issue my judgement later today.
- Now go!
- Thank you.
- Go!
- Yes, right, no, going.
Yes!
I still got it.
Go get her, Tim!
Tim!
Tim, this is
Special Agent Portis.
- Special Agent?
- CIA.
- Call me Marian.
- Why?
- It's my name.
- Your name is Marian?
Yeah, I know it's a little...
- Gay?
- Unusual.
- Tim!
- Sorry, just saying.
It's okay sweetie I
hear them all before,
I'm sure he is just
kidding around.
- Well..
- And if he isn't...
I'll have to kill him.
Terrific. Why is he
keep kissing her?
It's a remarkable story, isn't it?
- Haven't told him yet?
- Tell me what?
- Can I tell it?
- No!
- No, Portis should.
- No, you tell it, honey.
- No, it's okay.
- Tell me the damn story!
If you feel like it,
I mean I'm easy.
Well I am...
I was on a deniable
black ops mission
in the Chenghuang
district of Tibet,
infiltrating the regional
Chinese-backed administration.
United States government have been
worried about the Chinese economy.
Sorry can we just skip to
the capture and brutal torture?
Well the good news is,
I wasn't tortured.
You just roughly groped.
What? No.
Why would you say that?
Sorry, I thought
that's what you meant.
Absolutely not.
Good! Brilliant!
I was held in captivity,
unmolested for about 20 months
- Way too months.
- Until I eventually escaped
- and walked
- Walked!
all the way to Nepal,
and freedom.
I love that bit.
Incredible story, isn't it?
It's an incredible
story, it really is.
It is particularly incredible
that I'm only hearing this
for the first time now.
Portis was declared
dead over a year ago.
Right, well, they were wrong
about that, weren't they?
They sure were!
Sorry, so just to recap, um,
how exactly did you two
become friends?
I'd say we have been
more than friends.
It's so funny! Oh!
How much more?
- Well, we were...
- We were engaged, Tim.
What?
- They were engaged.
- What do you think of that?
All I can think right now is...
We have an intruder
in the building!
You know what
to do, let's go!
Come in!
- Is this a bad time?
- Rats!
I don't know if you
remember me from court.
Yes, of course.
And I'm really not allowed
to discuss the case with you.
I understand, it's just I have
some important new evidence
which I think you need to
take into consideration.
What kind of evidence?
The best kind.
Exhibit 34B, My Lord.
I love my job so much.
Why are you being like this?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Are you angry with me?
- Why would I be angry?
One of my work acquaintances
has just been reunited
with the love of her life.
It's a glorious day!
He's not the love of my life.
Well don't worry,
I'm sure he'll love himself
enough for the both of you.
Stop it.
I thought he was dead.
He was my fiancé and he died.
can't you see him?
Going a little bit crazy here.
I really thought you of all
people would understand.
Gosh.
How did the hearing go?
You were going to tell
me something before.
Tim.
What were you
going to tell me?
I don't remember, it's gone.
Well, maybe it'll come
back to you, right?
Maybe.
So is he going to
live with you?
Or you both going to move
into his cristal fortress?
- Don't be like that!
- Sorry.
Seriously dough,
is his cape
machine washable?
All I can say is "wowwee. "
And now I assume I can expect another
favourable judgement from you?
Hm? Oh the case?
I'm affraid I've already
ridden of that.
What?
Sorry didn't I make that clear?
I have already sent it up to
the senior judge for sign off.
I feel bad now.
- Please don't hurt me!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Caitlin?
- You're pathetic.
No! I'm preparing
an ambush!
- Slut.
- Knob.
Stop, Police!
Don't move!
I'ts okay, I've got him now.
Crisis over. CIA baby!
So, let's see who've we got here.
Hey, hey! That was
tremendous fun.
Well done, everyone.
Thanks, Portis.
And that Ladies and
Gentlemen was your final test,
and I'm delighted to
say you've all passed.
Yeah!
Well, everyone
except Jackson.
I'd never liked you, Jackson,
get out of my sight.
But for you Ladies and
Gentlemen, congratulations.
You are now all
officially MI5 agents!
Yes!
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
- That was quite a...
- Hey, sweetie! Come over here!
I'm just telling the guys how
I won my third Purple Heart.
- I should probably...
- Yeah.
There is someone
outside for you.
- Hey!
- Hi!
- Bad news.
- Affraid so.
You still have custody
of the little toad.
What? Really?
- Yeah.
- How come?
Well, in light of Paula's less
then expert testimony
I made a section-94 application
to have the hearing nullified.
Yes!
I have no idea
what that means.
It means that
if you still want it
Marcus will continue to live
with you for the next six months
until a new and hopefully
sane family council
gets a chance to
assess you weirdos.
It's great.
Listen I have to say this, Tim.
It's highly unlikely you'll win
permanent custody of Marcus.
So you should consider now
what's best for you
as well as what's best for him.
Tim?
Yeah, no,
I understand.
You never told me
you're a lawyer.
I never told you
a lot of things.
- Oh, how did the exam go?
- Yeah, I passed.
Congratulations!
Agent Elliott.
Nah, it isn't quite...
- I'll see you later.
- Word.
Chris!
Thanks.
You did well today.
Thank you, Sir.
- You look good with a weapon.
- Thanks.
- Very arousing.
- Bit weird.
You have an
answer for me?
Can I tell the CIA
you're on your way?
- Is he staying?
- Portis? Yeah.
He's attached to this
branch for the foreseeable.
I think I have
an answer for you.
Are you just going to
stand there all day?
Hm?
Put the suitcase down, you
look like a demented bell boy.
Alrighty.
- How was the holiday?
- It wasn't a holiday.
No, I know.
It was an archaeological dig at
the Mycenaean ruins of Atreus.
No, I know.
I got the postcards.
I didn't send you anything.
Must have been Philip.
Really don't want to
talk about Philip.
- No offense, Philip!
- Kanéna próvlima.
- What?
- That's "No problem" in Greek.
Shut up, Philip.
- What's for supper, Tim?
- Uh, lamb tajine!
- I'm vegetarian.
- Since when?
Since the meat industry started
dealing in wanton barbarism.
Right.
Well it is late, I suppuse you
could just rustle me up uhm...
a celery, ***
and spinach quiche?
Yeah, I don't think
I have any of those things.
You seriously going to
make me live here again?
You know the deal, Marcus,
hang in there, won't be for long.
- Make a note of the quiche.
- No quiche, check.
Sorry, came up something.
Come on let's go.
Páre me tiléfono, eh?
- No.
- No.
I can make you
something else?
Forget it. I'll go
around to Justine's.
I think they're having
risotto alla milanese tonight.
Right.
Good to have you back, Marcus.
I only wish the feeling
would mutual.
You want that?
Your half-dribbled sausage?
Yeah, well...
Well, I guess
this is good-bye.
What do you mean?
It's not good-bye.
Custody hearing is
not till this afternoon.
I know, but we both
know it's all over.
- It's not over.
- It's over.
- Tell him it's not over.
- Nah, it's definitely over.
I would like to say that I've enjoyed
this time we spent together...
Oh, me too!
I know we haven't...
No, please, let me finish.
I would like to say that,
but I can't.
I still find you a staggeringly
habitualness individual.
Yeah. Right. Well, that's
not even a word, so.
You don't know
what habitualness means?
No, Marcus,
no one does.
Oh, dear.
Well, anyway as they say
on L.A. Law: See you in court.
- What a tool.
- Shut up! Just shut up!
What's your problem?
Do you have any idea what
it's like to face losing a child?
My parents only died
when I was six,
so no, please do tell me some
more about abandonment.
- Your parents live in Sussex.
- Well, we don't speak.
No, you don't speak, Chris
beacause you're incapable of
having an adult relationship!
I worked my behind off
to improve my life.
I don't have a quarter
of you're inteligence.
Yeah, probably.
And what do you do
with all this talent?
Nothing.
You waste it away on a
crappy dead end job
picking stupid fights
with stupid customers.
And do you
want to know why?
- No.
- Because you're scared.
And it's so much easier, isn't it,
just to reject everything?
Everyone. Life.
Before life rejects you.
Oh, sorry I drifted off
at the end there.
- Get out.
- Fine.
You're the last person
I need around me today!
You know what? Marcus is right.
You are habitualness.
Yeah, well, I still don't know
what that word means!
Spy 01x06
Codename Portis
Scan in progress.
I'm telling you,
every time.
- Identified: Tim Elliott.
- See? What? No!
Serious, that's never
happened before.
Identified: Tim Elliott.
Okay gang, here we go.
Final exams!
Come on start
taking your places.
- Tim! A quick word.
- Sir!
I have a proposition for you.
I am very grateful, but I don't
want to go on holiday with you.
No no no.
Not that, no.
Every year we send
one of our new recruits
on secondment with the CIA,
in exchange for one of their guys.
- You thought of me?
- What do you say?
Well, I can't give you
an answer right now,
I got my son's custody
hearing this afternoon.
About that.
Are you sure you don't
want my people to...
You know?
- Absolutely positive.
- Okay.
- Consider it done.
- What? No!
- No?
- No!
- But I thought said...
- Listen to me very carefully.
Do-not-shoot-my-ex-wife.
Is that understood?
Relax!
But apart from the kid
you're good to go?
Give you an answer
by the end of the day.
Okay.
But the ferry in Tenerife is
booked if you change your mind.
- Never going to happen.
- Perfect. Let me know.
- What did he want?
- No, it was nothing.
Okay, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Please, turn over your papers.
- Terrific.
- Bravo!
Very moving.
Wasn't too much?
- No way.
- Definitely not.
I don't want to
alienate the judge.
Trust me, the court
will lap it up.
So what's next?
What do you reckon?
Tim's ***?
No, I think we need to do Mork
and Judith's, examination in chief.
I agree.
Okay, we got
a case to win, people!
Do you mind?
- Well, I was sitting here first.
- Yeah.
Unbelievable ***
- Sausage?
- No, thanks.
Seems like a lifetime ago
we first sat here.
Yeah. And to think think we now know
137 different ways to kill people.
We do. And not just
innocent bystanders.
Even the ***
Absolutely.
How do you think
the hearing will go?
- Well, you met Paula.
- Right.
I'm sure Marcus wants to stay
with you more then he lets on.
Yeah. I woke up this morning with him
nailing a farewell banner to my roof.
You sure you don't want
me to come with you?
No, I'm fine.
I could poison
some of the ***
That's very sweet
but no, really.
- Hey shouldn't you get going?
- Yes, yes. I...
Yeah, damn.
- What?
- Nothing, it can wait.
No, come on, what is it?
Okay, there's something
I wanted to say. To ask you, really.
- Yeah?
- Okay, okay.
Um... yeah, no.
Oh, it... okay no, so.
Okay, well yeah,
no, the thing is...
I think I know
what the thing is.
- You do?
- Yeah. No, um...
I've been wanting to say,
ask the same thing.
- Really?
- Really.
- 'casue that- that's good then.
- Yeah, It's good, isn't it?
- So can we talk, later?
- Absolutely.
- You promise?
- Promise.
- Now go, you'll be late.
- Oh, no. Yeah, yeah.
I dont- I'm not sure if I care.
- Tim, go.
- Okay.
Good luck.
- Need any help?
- Yes, these scanners...
- Oh, it's you.
- Sorry?
- You stay away from me.
- Don't know you.
So easy to mock me,
isn't it, Mr. Smarty Pants?
Just because I don't know
exactly which scanner to buy.
- Well, the XR-10 is a good model.
- How is it? Is it?
Ah, well bad luck 'cause I'm not
falling for you cynical ruse.
- No, honestly it's our best-seller.
- How dare you?
I'm a strong independent man.
I control my environment.
How... Are you even
listening to me?
No.
Good luck!
Court rise!
No way. Are you kidding?
That is hilarious.
That's madness. Yeah.
Listen though, I should uh,
Oi mate! Yeah, take care.
Bye. Bye-bye, bye.
Yeah. Wednesday, yeah.
Looking forward to.
Okay, bye, bye.
That was David it was just um,
no, it doesn't matter.
Oki dok, everyone here?
Yes, Sir.
Crikey, you don't have
many supporters.
No, Sir.
- A bit screwed, aren't you?
- I am now.
Wait!
- Who are you?
- I'm Mr. Elliott's counselor.
Christopher Cecil Pitts Goddard.
son of the Right Honorable Lord,
Hugh D Goddard.
Father to a murdered son,
husband to a murdered wife.
Sorry, I'm a bit over excited.
Cecil?
Is this correct? Is Mr. Pitts
Goddard your counselor?
Yes, Sir.
Marvelous, let's get
this party started!
Bang! Mr. Wilkes, shoot.
Take all the time you need.
I'm sorry, this is just
such a difficult time for me.
A mother forced to battle
for the love of her son.
It's awful. It's so, so awful.
Shame on you, Sir!
With respect, Your Honor. My client
being the father is equally distraught
at having to negotiate for
the affection of his only son.
Yes! Forgotten that,
it's a good point.
One all.
- How am I doing?
- I'm sorry?
You know,
I'm a bit out of practice.
I've been off for 10 months
travelling in Indonesia with the family.
Tremendously rich
country culturally.
- You been?
- No, not yet.
Mr. Goddard?
Oh, um, I was an aid worker
in the *** district in '98.
Really?
Get on with it, Mr. Wilkes.
Idiot.
Please could you tell your
findings the court, Ms. Abdul.
Your name is
Paula Abdul?
Over the several weeks
that I worked with the family
it became increasingly clear to me
that Mr. Elliott was not cabable of
forming the emotional
bonds necessary
to be a satisfactory
guardian for Marcus.
And so it's your recommendation
that Marcus ought to live his mother?
Absolutely.
With immediate effect!
Blimey.
*** your case, isn't it?
Ms. Abdul would you
please remove your shirt?
- What?
- I object!
Mr. Goddard, I like to relax
as much as the next man,
but this is hardly a good time.
If you really indulge me, Sir,
I will prove beyond doubt
that Paula Abdul is in fact
obsessed with my client,
and as a result of him consistently
rejecting her advances
she is now seeking to punish him in
the most grotesque way imaginable.
Nonsense.
Your Honor,
I strongly object to this!
- Come on, off with it.
- What?
Don't you get uptight.
I tell you what, so you
don't feel persecuted,
I'll take my top off too. Doesn't
get any fairer than that, eh?
May I get dressed now?
What were you thinking?
Turn around, please.
- Oh, bloody hell!
- Wow!
He's dead inside.
He doesn't know how to love!
Yeah, well your evidence is
like totally whatever right now.
This is ridiculous!
Your Honor, Tim cannot offer the
ballance to homelife that Marcus needs.
Philip and I will provide the
guidance of a father and a mother.
Tim has no one in his life.
No wife, no girlfriend,
he is incapable of love.
But Your Honor,
Tim is in love.
- Are you?
- Am I?
Tim is in love with a woman
he works with, Caitlin Banks.
- Is this true?
- I think so.
Sir, it is the best kind of love.
The kind of love you dare not admit
to yourself in case you're mistaken.
A love born out of
a friendship and the trust.
A love of which you're
not even aware,
until one day
the very sight of her
causes all the oxygene
in your lungs to escape
leaving your heart a vacuum.
And so it remains gasping
until resuscitated
by a simple smile.
Tim is capable of love, Sir.
Love for a women,
love for a friend,
and love for a son.
That was excellent!
And tell me does this Caitlin,
does she reciprocate?
I don't know,
I think so.
I haven't actually been able
to tell her exactly how I feel.
- Well you must!
- Yes, Sir.
- Now! Right.
- Um, we...
No, I've heard enough.
- Your Honor!
- Shut your face, Wilkes.
Now I'll consider this matter and
issue my judgement later today.
- Now go!
- Thank you.
- Go!
- Yes, right, no, going.
Yes!
I still got it.
Go get her, Tim!
Tim!
Tim, this is
Special Agent Portis.
- Special Agent?
- CIA.
- Call me Marian.
- Why?
- It's my name.
- Your name is Marian?
Yeah, I know it's a little...
- Gay?
- Unusual.
- Tim!
- Sorry, just saying.
It's okay sweetie I
hear them all before,
I'm sure he is just
kidding around.
- Well..
- And if he isn't...
I'll have to kill him.
Terrific. Why is he
keep kissing her?
It's a remarkable story, isn't it?
- Haven't told him yet?
- Tell me what?
- Can I tell it?
- No!
- No, Portis should.
- No, you tell it, honey.
- No, it's okay.
- Tell me the damn story!
If you feel like it,
I mean I'm easy.
Well I am...
I was on a deniable
black ops mission
in the Chenghuang
district of Tibet,
infiltrating the regional
Chinese-backed administration.
United States government have been
worried about the Chinese economy.
Sorry can we just skip to
the capture and brutal torture?
Well the good news is,
I wasn't tortured.
You just roughly groped.
What? No.
Why would you say that?
Sorry, I thought
that's what you meant.
Absolutely not.
Good! Brilliant!
I was held in captivity,
unmolested for about 20 months
- Way too months.
- Until I eventually escaped
- and walked
- Walked!
all the way to Nepal,
and freedom.
I love that bit.
Incredible story, isn't it?
It's an incredible
story, it really is.
It is particularly incredible
that I'm only hearing this
for the first time now.
Portis was declared
dead over a year ago.
Right, well, they were wrong
about that, weren't they?
They sure were!
Sorry, so just to recap, um,
how exactly did you two
become friends?
I'd say we have been
more than friends.
It's so funny! Oh!
How much more?
- Well, we were...
- We were engaged, Tim.
What?
- They were engaged.
- What do you think of that?
All I can think right now is...
We have an intruder
in the building!
You know what
to do, let's go!
Come in!
- Is this a bad time?
- Rats!
I don't know if you
remember me from court.
Yes, of course.
And I'm really not allowed
to discuss the case with you.
I understand, it's just I have
some important new evidence
which I think you need to
take into consideration.
What kind of evidence?
The best kind.
Exhibit 34B, My Lord.
I love my job so much.
Why are you being like this?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Are you angry with me?
- Why would I be angry?
One of my work acquaintances
has just been reunited
with the love of her life.
It's a glorious day!
He's not the love of my life.
Well don't worry,
I'm sure he'll love himself
enough for the both of you.
Stop it.
I thought he was dead.
He was my fiancé and he died.
can't you see him?
Going a little bit crazy here.
I really thought you of all
people would understand.
Gosh.
How did the hearing go?
You were going to tell
me something before.
Tim.
What were you
going to tell me?
I don't remember, it's gone.
Well, maybe it'll come
back to you, right?
Maybe.
So is he going to
live with you?
Or you both going to move
into his cristal fortress?
- Don't be like that!
- Sorry.
Seriously dough,
is his cape
machine washable?
All I can say is "wowwee. "
And now I assume I can expect another
favourable judgement from you?
Hm? Oh the case?
I'm affraid I've already
ridden of that.
What?
Sorry didn't I make that clear?
I have already sent it up to
the senior judge for sign off.
I feel bad now.
- Please don't hurt me!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Caitlin?
- You're pathetic.
No! I'm preparing
an ambush!
- Slut.
- Knob.
Stop, Police!
Don't move!
I'ts okay, I've got him now.
Crisis over. CIA baby!
So, let's see who've we got here.
Hey, hey! That was
tremendous fun.
Well done, everyone.
Thanks, Portis.
And that Ladies and
Gentlemen was your final test,
and I'm delighted to
say you've all passed.
Yeah!
Well, everyone
except Jackson.
I'd never liked you, Jackson,
get out of my sight.
But for you Ladies and
Gentlemen, congratulations.
You are now all
officially MI5 agents!
Yes!
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
- That was quite a...
- Hey, sweetie! Come over here!
I'm just telling the guys how
I won my third Purple Heart.
- I should probably...
- Yeah.
There is someone
outside for you.
- Hey!
- Hi!
- Bad news.
- Affraid so.
You still have custody
of the little toad.
What? Really?
- Yeah.
- How come?
Well, in light of Paula's less
then expert testimony
I made a section-94 application
to have the hearing nullified.
Yes!
I have no idea
what that means.
It means that
if you still want it
Marcus will continue to live
with you for the next six months
until a new and hopefully
sane family council
gets a chance to
assess you weirdos.
It's great.
Listen I have to say this, Tim.
It's highly unlikely you'll win
permanent custody of Marcus.
So you should consider now
what's best for you
as well as what's best for him.
Tim?
Yeah, no,
I understand.
You never told me
you're a lawyer.
I never told you
a lot of things.
- Oh, how did the exam go?
- Yeah, I passed.
Congratulations!
Agent Elliott.
Nah, it isn't quite...
- I'll see you later.
- Word.
Chris!
Thanks.
You did well today.
Thank you, Sir.
- You look good with a weapon.
- Thanks.
- Very arousing.
- Bit weird.
You have an
answer for me?
Can I tell the CIA
you're on your way?
- Is he staying?
- Portis? Yeah.
He's attached to this
branch for the foreseeable.
I think I have
an answer for you.
Are you just going to
stand there all day?
Hm?
Put the suitcase down, you
look like a demented bell boy.
Alrighty.
- How was the holiday?
- It wasn't a holiday.
No, I know.
It was an archaeological dig at
the Mycenaean ruins of Atreus.
No, I know.
I got the postcards.
I didn't send you anything.
Must have been Philip.
Really don't want to
talk about Philip.
- No offense, Philip!
- Kanéna próvlima.
- What?
- That's "No problem" in Greek.
Shut up, Philip.
- What's for supper, Tim?
- Uh, lamb tajine!
- I'm vegetarian.
- Since when?
Since the meat industry started
dealing in wanton barbarism.
Right.
Well it is late, I suppuse you
could just rustle me up uhm...
a celery, ***
and spinach quiche?
Yeah, I don't think
I have any of those things.
You seriously going to
make me live here again?
You know the deal, Marcus,
hang in there, won't be for long.
- Make a note of the quiche.
- No quiche, check.
Sorry, came up something.
Come on let's go.
Páre me tiléfono, eh?
- No.
- No.
I can make you
something else?
Forget it. I'll go
around to Justine's.
I think they're having
risotto alla milanese tonight.
Right.
Good to have you back, Marcus.
I only wish the feeling
would mutual.