SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 14, Episode 2 - We Heart Hoops/SpongeChovy - full transcript

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!



- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[relaxing beachy music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat jazz music]

- And now back
to "The Kelpbed Kids."



- "The Kelpbed Kids"
are hilarious.

High four!

[both laugh]

- [cackling]

- Wonder why
it's in black and white.

- It's a "artistical" choice.

- All right, Kelpbed Kids.

Youse gonna spill the beans

about where you hide
all your candy

in this here clubhouse
or else!

- Not to you, Ajax.

- We'll never tell you
that it's in the cabinet.

[Kelpbed Kids groan]

Oh. Sorry, gang.

[all grumble]

- Hey, Patrick,
don't the Kelpbed Kids

kinda look like people we know?

[glass shatters]

- I don't know
any people we know.

[gargles, spits]

Hmm. Eee!

- Oh-ho-ho-ho.
The cabinet, you say.

Aha!

all: Hoops?
- [belches]

Hi, Ajax.

- It's empty.

I'm gonna give everyone here

and their old man
a knuckle sandwich.

- Oh boy! With cheese?

- With cheese.

- Oh, no you don't,
you dizzy ding dong.

Hwah!

- Huh?

[lively jazz music]

Whuh?

[laughs]

- Hey, what gives? Let me go.

- You just got hooped.

all: Hoops, Hoops,
Hoops, Hoops!

both: Hoops, Hoops,
Hoops, Hoops!

- That settles it.

Hoops is
our favorite Kelpbed Kid.

Let's get out
our official Hoops hoops

that I bought on SeaBay.

- Way ahead of ya, pally.

- Gah!
- Hey, mine shrunk.

- Oh, no, Patrick.
It's adjustable.

Who says a hoop has
to be round?

- Oh, yeah.
There's a relaxed-fit button.

Ah.

- Someone wrote
all over my hula hoop.

- Hey, there's an address
printed on here.

And it's in Bikini Bottom.

Do you think
it's where Hoops lives?

Could we? Should we?

- Ring his doorbell
and run away?

- No.
- Toilet-paper his house?

- No.
- Switch out

his regular for decaf?

- No. We can meet him.

- Gotcha.

We can meet him,
then toilet-paper his house.

He's gonna need it
after the coffee.

[toilet flushing]

- This is it--
where Hoops lives.

- It's a palace.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- I'm too nervous to knock.
We don't really know him.

What if he's one of
those suffering artist types

who are into witchcraft?

- Or what if he's a cannibal
and wants to eat us?

- What if he's a cannibal
and doesn't want to eat us?

- We couldn't live
with the shame.

[doorknob clicking]

Oh, shh!

both: Run!

- [humming happily]

- Old Man Walker?

What's he doing
in Hoops' house?

Maybe we got the wrong house.

- Oh.
- Oh.

He's sad that he got no mail.
- [chomps]

That's 'cause I got it.

- It's addressed to Hoops.
This is the right place.

- Whoa.

The whole house is filled
with "Kelpbed Kid" stuff.

- It's just like being
in the show.

Come on in.
- Don't mind if I do.

- [grunts]
What's happening?

[thunderous footsteps]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [snarls]

- [gasps]
Is that Hoops?

- Uh, no.
It's Old Man Walker again.

Remember? From the mailbox?

- [retches]
Oh, yeah.

- Hooligans! Swindlers!
Letter looters!

- Oh, we didn't mean any harm!

We just wanted to meet Hoops.

We're fans.
- We love Hoops!

- Huh? Hoops?

Why didn't you say so?

[beeping]

I'm Hoops!

[both laugh]

- Okay, old man.

- Uh, I hate
to break it to you,

but Hoops is a little kid.

- Yup, I was Hoops
when I was a little kid,

many years ago.

- You're telling me
there have been many years?

I don't believe it.

- Yes, it was in the past.

- I think you're trying
to "past" one over on us.

- "Past" one over.

[laughing]

I don't get it.

- Huh? What are you, a couple
of dizzy ding dongs?

- Hey, he said
Hoops' catchphrase.

"Ya dizzy ding dongs."

- Ya dizzy ding dongs.

[both gasp]

- Patrick,
"Old Man" Walker is Hoops!

He just kinda, sorta, decayed.

- [gasps]
Hoops!

We love you!
- Oh!

You're breaking my bones.

- Hey, he's got
a new catchphrase.

[metallic clank]

- What was that?
- Was that my heart?

- Uh, no, it was outside.

- Huh? My heart's outside?

Oh, not again.

- [cackles]

- Aah!

- Ow!
- Yum.

- Dagnabbit, it's that ruffian,
Ajax McGee.

- Ajax? Isn't he the mean kid
in "The Kelpbed Kids" show?

- He was.

Now he's the mean adult

at Shady Shoals
Retirement Home.

Oh!

- That's what you get
for being a Kelpbed Kid,

Hoops the Poops.

[cackles]

- [gulps, laughs]
Hoops the Poops.

Classic.

Hey, I just had an idea.
Revenge.

Let's get back at Ajax,
like in one of your episodes.

- Huh, episodes?

Yeah, at my age,
I have a lot of episodes.

Who wants pudding?
- I do!

- Hold that pudding.

We can build our own tank,

and we'll gather material
"The Kelpbed Kids" way.

- Eh, the what bed
who--wait, what?

[both laughing]

both: Classic Hoops.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [moaning]

- [humming] Huh?

[both laugh]

both: Ah!

[both groan]

- Hmm?

♪ ♪

[laughter]

[bikers scream]

[clicking, whirring]

- We're coming for you,
Ajax McGee!

- Say hello
to my Meanie Mangler!

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

- Here we are, Hoops.
Shady Shoals.

Now call out for Ajax.

- Eh? Huh? Who am I calling?

- Talk into this.
- Hello, operator?

This is Barracuda 4117.

Is my prescription ready yet?

- 23 Skiddoo.

Hey, where did you get
that pile of junk?

Never mind, I don't care.
Have some eggs!

- Whoa! Prepare cannon.

Fire!

- Huh?

- Uh, you loaded the cannon
with toast?

- I always have toast
with eggs.

- Deploying salt lick.

♪ ♪

Engaging sea cow.

- [moos]

- Eugh. Ooh. Ew. Ugh.

Your tongue is so rough!

- Huh?
- Hmm? [screams]

- [snickers]

[Klaxon blares]
- [yowls]

- [grunts]

- Whoa!

Whoa, whoa! Aah!
Everything smells like toast!

[all wailing]

- Aah!

[grunts]
- [groans]

[pinball sounds chiming]

[all grunting and screaming]

[laughter]

[all groaning weakly]

[bright music]

- Look, there goes Ajax.

- I'll get youse next time!

- Say my name.
I'm Hoops the Poops.

- Classic.

both: Best "Kelpbed Kids"
adventure ever!

High four!

[both laugh]

- Oops. Uh...
- Aah!

- Just call me Hoops the Oops.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[all meeping insistently]

- Okay, okay, one at a time.

Krabby Patty!
- Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty, up!

- Krabby Patty!
- Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty, up!

- Meep, meep.

- Oh, all this meeping is gonna
drive me cuckoo, Mr. Krabs.

- All these meeps
are paying your salary.

Meeps are money.
- Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty, up!

[munching]

[loud gulping, belching]

[meeping]

- Wait, someone ordered
a Krabby Patty to-go.

Who ordered
a Krabby Patty to-go?

Whoa!

Wait, whose order is this?

Whoa. Okay.

[meeping]

- [groans]

Pardon me, did someone order
a Krabby--

[sighs oddly]

Oh, um, my bad.
I meant meep, meep.

- Oh, meep.

Meep, meep.
[cash register dings]

- Meep.

[laughs]

[meeping]

Oh boy, ice meep.

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

[rhythmic meeping]
Yeah.

Real meep, daddy-o.

[meeping excitedly]

Bouncy, bouncy!
Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!

I love to meep.
[laughs]

- Meep, meep!

- Meep!

Meep, meep, meep.
Meep, meep, meep.

[doorbell chimes]
Meep?

Meep, meep, meep.

- Hey, SpongeBob.

These palms are ready to play
some serious patty-cake.

- Meep.

- And you can't play patty-cake

without cake.
- Meep!

- Patty-cake, patty-cake.
- Meep-meep-meep, meep-meep--

- Baker's man, I'll eat
the cake as fast as I can.

Mama called the doctor,
and the doctor said,

"No more patty-cakes jumping
on the bed."

Meep, meep, meep.
Meep, meep, meep.

- Meep, meep mah-meep,
meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.

- Meep, meep, meep.
- Mailman!

- Meep.
[both meeping]

- Morning, SpongeBob.
Morning, Patrick.

[Klaxon blares]

[both meeping]

No!

[all meeping]

- It's about time, SpongeBob.

LateBob is more like it.

Ha, LateBob.
[laughs, snorts]

- When you're done snorting,

I'd like to order
a Krabby Patty.

- Okay, hold on. [laughs]
- [growls]

- One Krabby Patty, SpongeBob.

- Meep, meep.
- Meep, meep.

Meep, meep, meep. Meep.

Meep, meep, meep, meep,
meep, meep, meep, meep.

Meep.
- [gulping] Meep.

- SpongeBob, stop that meeping.

What do you think you are?
An anchovy?

- Oof!
- I hear money meeps.

Are the anchovies back?

- It's SpongeBob.
- [meeping]

- SpongeBob!

What in the barnacles
is going on here?

- [squeals]
[all meeping]

- Oh, di-doo. Oh.

[all meeping]
Huh?

- [growls, barks]

- Step aside and let
my precious Fifi pass,

or I will be offended.

Oh!

Meep?
both: Meep!

[both laughing]

[both scream]

- Huh?

It's a stamp-meep!

[grunting]

Phew.
[gasps]

Meep. Meep, meep, meep.

- Bob Gale Doppler,
with the big weather.

And I'd like to report it's
sunny skies for Bikini Bottom.

But not today, cause there's
a storm warning coming at ya.

We got a gust of faux-chovies
coming in from the southwest.

Now with a closer look,
here's our man on the street,

Rube Goldfish.

- Thanks, Gale.

I'm here with the faux-chovies

that are causing all
this meep-abaloo.

Now I just have
to ask the question

everyone wants to know.

What in the world
does "meep" mean?

[all chanting meeps]

Ameeping.

- Haha, thanks Rube.

So if you don't wanna turn
into an anchovy today,

you're advised to stay indoors

until that faux-chovy
pressure system moves away.

Ha ha.
[all meeping]

Huh? Whoa!

[struggling]

Ha ha, meep.

- Ah.
And now it's Squiddy time.

Hoo! Ha ha, mm.

[scatting]

When the customers fizzle,

the octopus will sizzle.

Ha, yeah.

[feet pattering]

[faint meeping]

[together] Meep, meep!
Dinner, dinner.

Meep, meep. Dinner, dinner.
- Whoa!

[screams]

SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs
are faux-chovies?

- Meep, meep.

- Okay, okay. Slow down.

One Krabby Patty,
one Krabby Patty,

one Krabby Patty,
one Krabby Patty.

- Meep.
[all meeping]

- Whoever wants a Krabby Patty,
raise your hand.

I can't hear your meeping
with these headphones on.

Thank Neptune.
Aah!

No!

No! Not my headphones!

The meeps.
I can hear the horrible meeps.

all: Meep, meep, hungry.

- More meeps?

all: Meep.

all: Meep.
all: Meep.

- [gasps]
Anchovy rumble!

[upbeat tense music]

♪ ♪

all: Meep.
all: Meep.

♪ ♪

all: Meep. Argh!

[all angrily meep]

- Meep.
- Meep.

- Meeeeep.

- My bad. I meant meep, meep.

- Oh, meep.

[sniffs]

- Meep, meep!
I thought that was you.

- The whole world
has gone insane!

[all meep happily]

I can't take it anymore.

That is the last meep!

[distressed panting]

[phone ringing]

[bright Italian melody]

- Serba's World of Pizza.
What do you want?

- I'd like an extra, extra,
extra large pizza

sent to the Krusty Krab
as soon as possible.

- Hey, you want-a a pizza
as soon-a as possible,

you got it, Calimaro.

- Aah! Ha.

Nobody's turning me
into a faux-chovy.

[laughs]

[meeping]
- Pizza delivery.

all: Huh?

both: Pizza?
[all meeping]

[all inhale deeply]
all: Mmm.

- Mmm, that smells good.

[both laugh]

both: Huh?

all: Oh!
- Phew.

I thought we'd never snap out
of that faux-chovy thing.

- Sorry, Mr. Krabs.

I didn't realize how easy it is
to get swept up

into a meep mentality.

- It's not your fault, boy-o.

We're just lucky that pizza is
the anchovies' natural enemy.

- Yeah, whoever ordered
that pie saved our lives.

- And we shouldn't let it go
to waste.

It's still hot.
- Oh-ho-ho!

[grunts] Gah!

What? No anchovies?

- All that meeping
made me hungry too.

Mr. Squidward, we need
some paper plates out here.

- Squidward? Uh, are you here?

- Now just where is
that lazy bum

while all this is going on?

[all meeping]

- ... Meep.

[light music]

♪ ♪