SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 13, Episode 19 - Hot Crossed Nuts/Sir Urchin and Snail Fail - full transcript
Sandy's homemade snack becomes a big hit at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob and Patrick's favorite comedy duo has a falling out on live television.
- Are you ready, kids?
kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!
- ♪ Ohh... ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪
kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪
kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪
kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪
kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?
all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
[flute plays]
[waves crashing]
[country music]
♪ ♪
- Uh-huh.
- Bonjour, Mademoiselle Sandy.
I have brought your usual,
one Krusty Kombo.
- Thanks, SpongeBob.
But I won't
be needing the food.
I brought a little something
of my own from home...
[echoing] From home,
from home, from home.
Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts!
- [gasps]
I see nothing!
[groaning]
There is no outside food
allowed at the Krusty Krab.
- Come on, SpongeBob.
I won't spill the nuts
if you won't.
[chomping and gulping]
[belches]
Mmm.
Perfecto!
- I haven't seen a thing.
- Try one.
- Mm.
Ooh...
wh...
[whimpers]
[chomping]
[gulps]
[belches]
- Hm?
[whimpers]
- Whoo!
Now that's what I call
Texas heat!
But we really should stop
before Mr. Krabs finds out.
- Hm?
Hmm.
Finds out what?
- Yikes!
Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Krabs.
[giggles nervously]
- [gasps]
[grumbling]
Outside food!
- [whimpers]
Oh, mercy, Mr. Krabs!
She knows not
the error of her ways!
- Oh, please.
I bet one taste of these nuts
and you'll whistle
a different tune!
- That's enough!
I'm confiscerating
these unauthorized acorns.
Eh, what's so good about these
unauthorized nuts anyway?
Hmm.
[chomping]
[belches]
All right!
Sandy, you're hired!
- To do what?
Whoa!
- Why, to make those nuts
at me restaurant, of course.
They're delicirous!
- Uh, you're a few pickles shy
of a Krabby Patty
if you think
I'm looking for a job.
- Sandy, this is no mere job!
This is a calling.
This is a duty to serve.
This is a dream come true.
- Well, shoot!
Why not?
But I'll need me
a barbecue grill.
- No problem.
I got an old Navy trick
for makeshift barbecues.
Ta-da!
- Not too shabby.
I reckon she'll do.
- Make sure to show her
the ropes, boy-o!
- [giggling excitedly]
- Barbecue nuts?
These customers will
eat anything.
- [belches]
Mmm.
Nice aftertaste.
- ♪ Sandy's in the kitchen
with SpongeBob ♪
♪ We're in the kitchen,
we two ♪
♪ Sandy's in the kitchen
with SpongeBob ♪
♪ Makin' nuts on the barbecue ♪
- [laughing]
You heard the boss man.
Tell me what's what.
- Well, this here is
where the magic happens,
the grill.
Yeow!
[chuckles]
As long as the sacred space
is respected,
the kitchen will remain
in perfect harmony.
- Not to worry!
We'll be like two crickets
on a fiddle in here--
[bell dinging]
- Huh?
- Here.
Knock yourselves out,
please.
- Already on it!
So how many nuts
should I fix up?
- Nuts?
Oh, sorry, Sandy.
There must be a mistake.
These are all
for Krabby Patties.
- Oh.
- Don't worry!
I'll get the word out!
[Southern accent]
Howdy, Bubble Bass!
I reckon you're hankering
for a delicious new dish!
- Certainly not.
I procure
the same patty every day
because I have a refined--
[gulping]
[belches]
Ooh!
Such smoky sapidity.
What is it?
- Sandy's smokin'
barbecue nuts!
Pretty good, am I right?
- Not just pretty good,
but good enough to go on...
the big screen!
- "Try Sandy's smokin'
barbecue nuts."
You hear that, everyone?
This guy's butt loves
those nuts!
- I'll take some nuts!
His butt's never wrong!
- I want some!
- Me too!
- Ooh, nuts!
[excited chatter]
[both tittering]
- Whoo, doggy!
Now we're cookin'!
Yeah!
[both laugh]
- [humming]
[cheerful music]
- Uh...
♪ ♪
- Ah.
[cow moos]
- [chomping]
[belches]
Mmm.
- [belches]
Hm.
both: Yah!
- Here.
- [babbling]
[belches]
- Aww.
[laughter]
- Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
- [gasps]
Hmm?
- Ohh-up.
Ha.
[all cheering]
- [belching]
[seagull squawks]
- Huh?
- Demand for nuts is up.
- Uh...
- So we're increasing supply!
[grunting]
- Bah.
- Make way, boy-o.
- Well, gee, Mr. Krabs,
I think you might be
overwhelming poor Sandy.
- Hmph!
Ha!
- This here's
the barbecue lunch rush!
And, uh, here.
Somebody wants
a Krabby Patty, I guess.
- Hm.
- Now giddyup!
- [straining]
[intense percussive music]
♪ ♪
[whimpers]
Whoa!
[winces]
Ah!
- [grunts]
Phew!
All the orders are up.
- Yep.
All of 'em.
- Ooh, that one's mine.
Mm...perfect!
No more wobble.
[somber music]
- Patty.
[saloon music playing]
- Don't you love the new look?
- I'm just here for the nuts.
[train horn whistling]
- Kowboy Krab's Nut Shack?
Pfft, it's full of nuts,
all right.
[laughs]
- [humming]
- [coughing and wheezing]
- SpongeBob, hand me them tongs
over there, will ya?
I'm busier than a six-legged
horse in tap shoes!
- [panting]
[groaning]
[whimpers]
- Ooh!
Thanks, SpongeBob!
- Must breathe.
[groaning]
[inhales deeply]
♪ ♪
[straining]
Ohh.
- There's gold
in them there nuts!
- What's in the bags,
Mr. Krabs?
- Oh, this here's the next
round of barbecue nut orders.
- Ooh.
Well, scratch my back
and call me a cactus!
And what about that one?
- Oh, this one?
This one's full of useless
Krabby Patties.
Nobody really wants 'em,
so they're garbage.
[gasps]
- [whimpering]
- Oh, my!
SpongeBob!
- Hi, Sandy.
Just toasting my buns.
Heh.
- Move over, lad.
You're blocking me trash.
[grunts]
- [whimpers]
[gasps]
- Money, money, money, money.
Nuts, nuts, nuts.
- [sighing]
- Uh, SpongeBob?
Are you gonna be okay?
- [crying]
- Back to work.
That money won't
barbecue itself!
- [growls]
- Ah, I love the smell
of money.
[sniffs]
Little smokier than usual.
Ohh, yeah.
[angry chatter]
Huh?
[growls]
[angry chatter]
Mr. Squidward,
what's the holdup?
- Why don't you ask
your pitmaster?
She stopped barbecuing nuts.
- She what?
[garbage disposal grinding]
[gasps]
[growls]
Land dweller!
What's the meaning of this?
- Ohh.
I'm plumb out of nuts.
- You're plumb out of what?
- Sorry, Kowboy Krabs.
- [whimpering]
- Looks like you have to find
another way to make your dough.
So long, folks!
- Uhh...
- The nut tree's done run dry!
[all growling]
- [laughing nervously]
Uh, howdy, y'all.
- I don't reckon we can get no
Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts
without no Sandy, can we?
- Um...no.
- Riot!
[all yelling]
Yah!
- Whoa!
- Huh?
Aah!
[all straining]
[all cheering]
- [growls]
[chomping]
[gulps]
Huh?
Hey, everybody!
This table's got
that smoky Texas tang!
- [grunts]
[chomping]
[belches]
Fascinating.
The smoke from Sandy's nuts
has flavored
everything in this restaurant!
- Chow time!
[all cheering]
- Mmm.
[gulps]
[belches]
- [chomping]
- No!
Stop it!
[gasps]
Me restaurant!
No!
[groaning]
Huh?
- [whimpers]
- [sniffs]
Huh?
Say, that smells delicious.
- Oh, this?
Oh, it's just a useless
old Krabby Patty.
- A snack without splinters.
How novel.
Perhaps we could partake
in your patties?
- Oh, hey,
I want some of those.
[excited chatter]
- Huh?
Orders up!
- Good news!
Trashy Patties are now
double the price!
[angry chatter]
Whoa!
- Not so fast.
I reckon these patties
are on the house.
Right, SpongeBob?
- Mm...
all: Yeehaw!
- I guess we all went
a little nuts today.
[belches]
Huh.
Still a nice aftertaste.
[playful music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Move your feet
and grab your seat ♪
♪ It's "The Sir Urchin
and Snail Fail Show" ♪
both: It's on!
[straining]
Ah!
- Excuse me.
- Pardon me!
- Excuse me!
- Pardon me!
- Excuse me!
[chomping]
- It's "The Sir Urchin
and Snail Fail Show."
- [grunting]
Hmph.
[cheers and applause]
Hmm.
[growls]
[inhales deeply]
[coughing and gagging]
[inhales deeply and coughs]
Woe is me.
My priceless works of art need
to be dusted!
Oh, Snail Fail!
- Whoa!
Yes, sir, Sir Urchin, sir!
[laughter]
- Dust my art!
- Very good, Sir Urchin, sir.
- Ah, you dust divinely.
Now dust the back!
- Uh, v-v-very good,
Sir Urchin, sir.
[grunts]
Wah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh.
- Why, you!
- What I do?
[laughter]
Whoa, dainty, dainty, dainty!
- Ah!
- Hm?
- Why, you!
- What I do?
- [garbled] Why, you!
- What I do?
- Ah!
Why, you!
- Why you, indeed.
- Huh?
Whoa, whoa!
[exclaims]
Huh?
- Why not any of us?
If the nature
of the universe is random,
would not misfortune
find us all equally?
And yet, it does not.
Perhaps you should stop
asking, "Why you?"
and start asking, "Why me?"
[crickets chirping]
- [whispers]
That's not the line.
Why did you stop hitting me?
- I want the audience to know
that I am a real thespian
and not just
some bumbling buffoon.
- Well, you wanna be
a serious actor?
Nobody's stopping you!
Exit stage left!
- My pleasure!
I quit!
[audience gasping
and murmuring]
- [growling]
Why, you--
[Muzak playing]
- [laughing]
- It's no joke, Patrick.
Our favorite comedy team
just broke up on live TV!
- [sobbing]
- [moans]
[sadly] ♪ Move your feet
and grab your seat ♪
both: ♪ It's "The Sir Urchin
and Snail Fail Show" ♪
- [whimpers]
Patrick, as devoted fans,
it's our duty to convince
our two idols
to get back together.
The future of comedy
depends on it.
- I'm in!
- We'll have to split up.
- Aw, I was just getting comfy.
- I'll go find Snail Fail,
and you track down Sir Urchin.
Good luck.
- [exclaims]
- Booyah!
[both giggle]
Whoo!
- Taxi!
[straining]
- Where to, Mac?
- Take me
to Sir Urchin's house.
- Sir Urchin?
- Yeah, Sir Urchin!
You know, the guy that goes...
"Why, you!"
[laughs]
He's so funny.
- Oh, you mean like this?
Why, you!
[fanfare]
[monkey chittering]
I'm Sir Urchin.
- Ay-yah!
Sir Urchin?
Why are you driving a taxi?
- [sighs]
My partner and I broke up
five minutes ago,
and since then,
times have been tough.
- Mm.
[grunts]
You guys were so funny
back then!
What I do?
- [growling]
- What I do?
What I do?
[laughs]
- [growling]
Say, Mac, how would you like
to be Snail Fail the Second?
- Would I?
[laughs]
Would I?
- Oh?
What is this?
Huh.
Probably a gift
from one of my adoring fans.
- Close.
I aman adoring fan.
[laughs]
- Ah!
- Doing!
I'm sorry, Mr. Snail Fail.
I just wanted to ask
if you and Sir Urchin could
get back together again.
You know,
for your adoring fans.
- No more low comedy for me.
The only way I shall ever
step on a stage again
is as a serious dramatic actor.
Now, be gone!
Ah!
[groans]
- Ohh.
I know a stage
where people would love
to see you act.
- Hmm.
Really?
Alas, poor Mackerel,
I knew him, Halibut.
A fellow of infinite jest.
He hath borne me
on his fishtail
a thousand times.
Ow!
[boos and jeers]
- You stink!
- Whoa!
Ah!
[groaning]
- Maybe we should
call Sir Urchin.
- Never!
- Why, you!
- Aah!
- What I do?
Why, you!
[both whimpering]
What I do?
[both exclaim]
Why, you!
What I do?
[both groaning]
- [grunting]
Why, you!
- What me do?
[kid whimpering]
- Why, you!
- What me do?
- [grunts]
- How come nobody's laughing?
- Well, you're saying,
"What me do?"
instead of, "What I do?"
Maybe that's it.
- Good note.
Got it.
[straining]
- [grunting]
[growling]
Why, you!
- Where I go?
- [grunts]
Nah, that's not it.
If only we had a real stage
to perform on.
- If only I had a real stage
to act on.
[together] Extry, extry!
Big Bikini Bottom
Talent Show tonight
on a real stage!
- Huh.
- Hmph.
both: [gasps]
This might be the break
we've been waiting for!
both: Yay!
I smell a reunion!
- Welcome to the Bikini Bottom
Talent show!
Take it away, Bikini Bottom!
[cheers and applause]
[circus music playing]
[boinging noises]
[boos and jeers]
- Oh!
[sobbing]
- Whoa!
Look at all those people!
[laughing]
[vocalizing]
Doy!
[grunts]
- Excuse me.
Is this the line
for the talent show?
Agh!
You.
- You.
both: Success!
- It's great to see you guys
back together again!
[both grunt]
- Whoa!
- I am not following
this riffraff onto the stage.
We shall go first.
- Shove off, Fakespeare!
Me and my new partner, Patrick,
were here first!
Hey!
[all gasp]
That monocle was priceless!
- Now it's garbage.
- Why, you!
- Agh!
What did I do
to deserve this fate?
[grunts]
[both grunting and exclaiming]
- Why, you!
[grunts]
- Whoa!
Ugh!
What have Idone?
[grunts]
- Why, you!
[grunts]
- What is it?
- [grunts]
Why, you!
[cheers and applause]
Why, you!
- Are you referring to me?
- Yah!
[audience cheering]
Why, you!
both: Hm?
- What I do?
[raucous cheering]
[both sobbing]
Our act was perfect
the way it was.
I should never have
tried to change it.
- Snail Fail, old buddy,
go ahead.
Add some serious acting
to our show.
I just want to get
back together again!
- Oh, so do I!
both: Mm.
- [affectionately] Why, you.
- What I do?
both: Mm.
- Oh!
Why, us!
- Look what we do'd!
- Why, you!
[both whimpering]
Why, you!
[TV audience laughing]
[laughter]
- Alas, poor Mackerel,
I knew him, Sir Urchin.
A fellow of infinite jest,
nautical nonsense
be something he wished.
Where be your jokes now,
old friend?
That I may laugh...
[laughs]
With merriment?
[both slurping]
- [grunts]
Why, you!
- What hath I done?
[laughter]
[laughter]
- They're back
and funnier than ever!
- Thank you, everyone.
- We would just like to take
a moment to give a shout-out,
as the kids say,
to our friends,
SpongeBob and Patrick.
both: We couldn't have gotten
back together without you guys!
both: Why, you!
both: What we do?
- Why, you!
Why, you!
all: Not again!
Aah!
kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!
- ♪ Ohh... ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪
kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪
kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪
kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪
kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?
all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
[flute plays]
[waves crashing]
[country music]
♪ ♪
- Uh-huh.
- Bonjour, Mademoiselle Sandy.
I have brought your usual,
one Krusty Kombo.
- Thanks, SpongeBob.
But I won't
be needing the food.
I brought a little something
of my own from home...
[echoing] From home,
from home, from home.
Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts!
- [gasps]
I see nothing!
[groaning]
There is no outside food
allowed at the Krusty Krab.
- Come on, SpongeBob.
I won't spill the nuts
if you won't.
[chomping and gulping]
[belches]
Mmm.
Perfecto!
- I haven't seen a thing.
- Try one.
- Mm.
Ooh...
wh...
[whimpers]
[chomping]
[gulps]
[belches]
- Hm?
[whimpers]
- Whoo!
Now that's what I call
Texas heat!
But we really should stop
before Mr. Krabs finds out.
- Hm?
Hmm.
Finds out what?
- Yikes!
Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Krabs.
[giggles nervously]
- [gasps]
[grumbling]
Outside food!
- [whimpers]
Oh, mercy, Mr. Krabs!
She knows not
the error of her ways!
- Oh, please.
I bet one taste of these nuts
and you'll whistle
a different tune!
- That's enough!
I'm confiscerating
these unauthorized acorns.
Eh, what's so good about these
unauthorized nuts anyway?
Hmm.
[chomping]
[belches]
All right!
Sandy, you're hired!
- To do what?
Whoa!
- Why, to make those nuts
at me restaurant, of course.
They're delicirous!
- Uh, you're a few pickles shy
of a Krabby Patty
if you think
I'm looking for a job.
- Sandy, this is no mere job!
This is a calling.
This is a duty to serve.
This is a dream come true.
- Well, shoot!
Why not?
But I'll need me
a barbecue grill.
- No problem.
I got an old Navy trick
for makeshift barbecues.
Ta-da!
- Not too shabby.
I reckon she'll do.
- Make sure to show her
the ropes, boy-o!
- [giggling excitedly]
- Barbecue nuts?
These customers will
eat anything.
- [belches]
Mmm.
Nice aftertaste.
- ♪ Sandy's in the kitchen
with SpongeBob ♪
♪ We're in the kitchen,
we two ♪
♪ Sandy's in the kitchen
with SpongeBob ♪
♪ Makin' nuts on the barbecue ♪
- [laughing]
You heard the boss man.
Tell me what's what.
- Well, this here is
where the magic happens,
the grill.
Yeow!
[chuckles]
As long as the sacred space
is respected,
the kitchen will remain
in perfect harmony.
- Not to worry!
We'll be like two crickets
on a fiddle in here--
[bell dinging]
- Huh?
- Here.
Knock yourselves out,
please.
- Already on it!
So how many nuts
should I fix up?
- Nuts?
Oh, sorry, Sandy.
There must be a mistake.
These are all
for Krabby Patties.
- Oh.
- Don't worry!
I'll get the word out!
[Southern accent]
Howdy, Bubble Bass!
I reckon you're hankering
for a delicious new dish!
- Certainly not.
I procure
the same patty every day
because I have a refined--
[gulping]
[belches]
Ooh!
Such smoky sapidity.
What is it?
- Sandy's smokin'
barbecue nuts!
Pretty good, am I right?
- Not just pretty good,
but good enough to go on...
the big screen!
- "Try Sandy's smokin'
barbecue nuts."
You hear that, everyone?
This guy's butt loves
those nuts!
- I'll take some nuts!
His butt's never wrong!
- I want some!
- Me too!
- Ooh, nuts!
[excited chatter]
[both tittering]
- Whoo, doggy!
Now we're cookin'!
Yeah!
[both laugh]
- [humming]
[cheerful music]
- Uh...
♪ ♪
- Ah.
[cow moos]
- [chomping]
[belches]
Mmm.
- [belches]
Hm.
both: Yah!
- Here.
- [babbling]
[belches]
- Aww.
[laughter]
- Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
- [gasps]
Hmm?
- Ohh-up.
Ha.
[all cheering]
- [belching]
[seagull squawks]
- Huh?
- Demand for nuts is up.
- Uh...
- So we're increasing supply!
[grunting]
- Bah.
- Make way, boy-o.
- Well, gee, Mr. Krabs,
I think you might be
overwhelming poor Sandy.
- Hmph!
Ha!
- This here's
the barbecue lunch rush!
And, uh, here.
Somebody wants
a Krabby Patty, I guess.
- Hm.
- Now giddyup!
- [straining]
[intense percussive music]
♪ ♪
[whimpers]
Whoa!
[winces]
Ah!
- [grunts]
Phew!
All the orders are up.
- Yep.
All of 'em.
- Ooh, that one's mine.
Mm...perfect!
No more wobble.
[somber music]
- Patty.
[saloon music playing]
- Don't you love the new look?
- I'm just here for the nuts.
[train horn whistling]
- Kowboy Krab's Nut Shack?
Pfft, it's full of nuts,
all right.
[laughs]
- [humming]
- [coughing and wheezing]
- SpongeBob, hand me them tongs
over there, will ya?
I'm busier than a six-legged
horse in tap shoes!
- [panting]
[groaning]
[whimpers]
- Ooh!
Thanks, SpongeBob!
- Must breathe.
[groaning]
[inhales deeply]
♪ ♪
[straining]
Ohh.
- There's gold
in them there nuts!
- What's in the bags,
Mr. Krabs?
- Oh, this here's the next
round of barbecue nut orders.
- Ooh.
Well, scratch my back
and call me a cactus!
And what about that one?
- Oh, this one?
This one's full of useless
Krabby Patties.
Nobody really wants 'em,
so they're garbage.
[gasps]
- [whimpering]
- Oh, my!
SpongeBob!
- Hi, Sandy.
Just toasting my buns.
Heh.
- Move over, lad.
You're blocking me trash.
[grunts]
- [whimpers]
[gasps]
- Money, money, money, money.
Nuts, nuts, nuts.
- [sighing]
- Uh, SpongeBob?
Are you gonna be okay?
- [crying]
- Back to work.
That money won't
barbecue itself!
- [growls]
- Ah, I love the smell
of money.
[sniffs]
Little smokier than usual.
Ohh, yeah.
[angry chatter]
Huh?
[growls]
[angry chatter]
Mr. Squidward,
what's the holdup?
- Why don't you ask
your pitmaster?
She stopped barbecuing nuts.
- She what?
[garbage disposal grinding]
[gasps]
[growls]
Land dweller!
What's the meaning of this?
- Ohh.
I'm plumb out of nuts.
- You're plumb out of what?
- Sorry, Kowboy Krabs.
- [whimpering]
- Looks like you have to find
another way to make your dough.
So long, folks!
- Uhh...
- The nut tree's done run dry!
[all growling]
- [laughing nervously]
Uh, howdy, y'all.
- I don't reckon we can get no
Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts
without no Sandy, can we?
- Um...no.
- Riot!
[all yelling]
Yah!
- Whoa!
- Huh?
Aah!
[all straining]
[all cheering]
- [growls]
[chomping]
[gulps]
Huh?
Hey, everybody!
This table's got
that smoky Texas tang!
- [grunts]
[chomping]
[belches]
Fascinating.
The smoke from Sandy's nuts
has flavored
everything in this restaurant!
- Chow time!
[all cheering]
- Mmm.
[gulps]
[belches]
- [chomping]
- No!
Stop it!
[gasps]
Me restaurant!
No!
[groaning]
Huh?
- [whimpers]
- [sniffs]
Huh?
Say, that smells delicious.
- Oh, this?
Oh, it's just a useless
old Krabby Patty.
- A snack without splinters.
How novel.
Perhaps we could partake
in your patties?
- Oh, hey,
I want some of those.
[excited chatter]
- Huh?
Orders up!
- Good news!
Trashy Patties are now
double the price!
[angry chatter]
Whoa!
- Not so fast.
I reckon these patties
are on the house.
Right, SpongeBob?
- Mm...
all: Yeehaw!
- I guess we all went
a little nuts today.
[belches]
Huh.
Still a nice aftertaste.
[playful music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Move your feet
and grab your seat ♪
♪ It's "The Sir Urchin
and Snail Fail Show" ♪
both: It's on!
[straining]
Ah!
- Excuse me.
- Pardon me!
- Excuse me!
- Pardon me!
- Excuse me!
[chomping]
- It's "The Sir Urchin
and Snail Fail Show."
- [grunting]
Hmph.
[cheers and applause]
Hmm.
[growls]
[inhales deeply]
[coughing and gagging]
[inhales deeply and coughs]
Woe is me.
My priceless works of art need
to be dusted!
Oh, Snail Fail!
- Whoa!
Yes, sir, Sir Urchin, sir!
[laughter]
- Dust my art!
- Very good, Sir Urchin, sir.
- Ah, you dust divinely.
Now dust the back!
- Uh, v-v-very good,
Sir Urchin, sir.
[grunts]
Wah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh.
- Why, you!
- What I do?
[laughter]
Whoa, dainty, dainty, dainty!
- Ah!
- Hm?
- Why, you!
- What I do?
- [garbled] Why, you!
- What I do?
- Ah!
Why, you!
- Why you, indeed.
- Huh?
Whoa, whoa!
[exclaims]
Huh?
- Why not any of us?
If the nature
of the universe is random,
would not misfortune
find us all equally?
And yet, it does not.
Perhaps you should stop
asking, "Why you?"
and start asking, "Why me?"
[crickets chirping]
- [whispers]
That's not the line.
Why did you stop hitting me?
- I want the audience to know
that I am a real thespian
and not just
some bumbling buffoon.
- Well, you wanna be
a serious actor?
Nobody's stopping you!
Exit stage left!
- My pleasure!
I quit!
[audience gasping
and murmuring]
- [growling]
Why, you--
[Muzak playing]
- [laughing]
- It's no joke, Patrick.
Our favorite comedy team
just broke up on live TV!
- [sobbing]
- [moans]
[sadly] ♪ Move your feet
and grab your seat ♪
both: ♪ It's "The Sir Urchin
and Snail Fail Show" ♪
- [whimpers]
Patrick, as devoted fans,
it's our duty to convince
our two idols
to get back together.
The future of comedy
depends on it.
- I'm in!
- We'll have to split up.
- Aw, I was just getting comfy.
- I'll go find Snail Fail,
and you track down Sir Urchin.
Good luck.
- [exclaims]
- Booyah!
[both giggle]
Whoo!
- Taxi!
[straining]
- Where to, Mac?
- Take me
to Sir Urchin's house.
- Sir Urchin?
- Yeah, Sir Urchin!
You know, the guy that goes...
"Why, you!"
[laughs]
He's so funny.
- Oh, you mean like this?
Why, you!
[fanfare]
[monkey chittering]
I'm Sir Urchin.
- Ay-yah!
Sir Urchin?
Why are you driving a taxi?
- [sighs]
My partner and I broke up
five minutes ago,
and since then,
times have been tough.
- Mm.
[grunts]
You guys were so funny
back then!
What I do?
- [growling]
- What I do?
What I do?
[laughs]
- [growling]
Say, Mac, how would you like
to be Snail Fail the Second?
- Would I?
[laughs]
Would I?
- Oh?
What is this?
Huh.
Probably a gift
from one of my adoring fans.
- Close.
I aman adoring fan.
[laughs]
- Ah!
- Doing!
I'm sorry, Mr. Snail Fail.
I just wanted to ask
if you and Sir Urchin could
get back together again.
You know,
for your adoring fans.
- No more low comedy for me.
The only way I shall ever
step on a stage again
is as a serious dramatic actor.
Now, be gone!
Ah!
[groans]
- Ohh.
I know a stage
where people would love
to see you act.
- Hmm.
Really?
Alas, poor Mackerel,
I knew him, Halibut.
A fellow of infinite jest.
He hath borne me
on his fishtail
a thousand times.
Ow!
[boos and jeers]
- You stink!
- Whoa!
Ah!
[groaning]
- Maybe we should
call Sir Urchin.
- Never!
- Why, you!
- Aah!
- What I do?
Why, you!
[both whimpering]
What I do?
[both exclaim]
Why, you!
What I do?
[both groaning]
- [grunting]
Why, you!
- What me do?
[kid whimpering]
- Why, you!
- What me do?
- [grunts]
- How come nobody's laughing?
- Well, you're saying,
"What me do?"
instead of, "What I do?"
Maybe that's it.
- Good note.
Got it.
[straining]
- [grunting]
[growling]
Why, you!
- Where I go?
- [grunts]
Nah, that's not it.
If only we had a real stage
to perform on.
- If only I had a real stage
to act on.
[together] Extry, extry!
Big Bikini Bottom
Talent Show tonight
on a real stage!
- Huh.
- Hmph.
both: [gasps]
This might be the break
we've been waiting for!
both: Yay!
I smell a reunion!
- Welcome to the Bikini Bottom
Talent show!
Take it away, Bikini Bottom!
[cheers and applause]
[circus music playing]
[boinging noises]
[boos and jeers]
- Oh!
[sobbing]
- Whoa!
Look at all those people!
[laughing]
[vocalizing]
Doy!
[grunts]
- Excuse me.
Is this the line
for the talent show?
Agh!
You.
- You.
both: Success!
- It's great to see you guys
back together again!
[both grunt]
- Whoa!
- I am not following
this riffraff onto the stage.
We shall go first.
- Shove off, Fakespeare!
Me and my new partner, Patrick,
were here first!
Hey!
[all gasp]
That monocle was priceless!
- Now it's garbage.
- Why, you!
- Agh!
What did I do
to deserve this fate?
[grunts]
[both grunting and exclaiming]
- Why, you!
[grunts]
- Whoa!
Ugh!
What have Idone?
[grunts]
- Why, you!
[grunts]
- What is it?
- [grunts]
Why, you!
[cheers and applause]
Why, you!
- Are you referring to me?
- Yah!
[audience cheering]
Why, you!
both: Hm?
- What I do?
[raucous cheering]
[both sobbing]
Our act was perfect
the way it was.
I should never have
tried to change it.
- Snail Fail, old buddy,
go ahead.
Add some serious acting
to our show.
I just want to get
back together again!
- Oh, so do I!
both: Mm.
- [affectionately] Why, you.
- What I do?
both: Mm.
- Oh!
Why, us!
- Look what we do'd!
- Why, you!
[both whimpering]
Why, you!
[TV audience laughing]
[laughter]
- Alas, poor Mackerel,
I knew him, Sir Urchin.
A fellow of infinite jest,
nautical nonsense
be something he wished.
Where be your jokes now,
old friend?
That I may laugh...
[laughs]
With merriment?
[both slurping]
- [grunts]
Why, you!
- What hath I done?
[laughter]
[laughter]
- They're back
and funnier than ever!
- Thank you, everyone.
- We would just like to take
a moment to give a shout-out,
as the kids say,
to our friends,
SpongeBob and Patrick.
both: We couldn't have gotten
back together without you guys!
both: Why, you!
both: What we do?
- Why, you!
Why, you!
all: Not again!
Aah!