SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 11, Episode 20 - Plankton Paranoia/Library Cards - full transcript

Are you ready, kids?

all:
Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

all:
Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!



♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

- all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

♪ ♪

[militaristic grunting]

Now, we all know
what this day is.

Today is the day
when Plankton tries to steal



the Krabby Patty formula, sir!

Like he does every day.

But this time,
he's not going to catch me

with me spatula down!
[laughs]

Ooh?
[laughs]

SpongeBob

you're on guard duty, boy!

Yes, sir, Mr. Krabs!

Yah!

And I'll go undercover.

[snoring]

- Hm?
- Hut, two, three, four!

Hut, two, three, four!

♪ Krabby Patties are the best ♪

♪ They'll put hair
on your chest ♪

[gasps]

Oh!

[falteringly]
♪ Krabby Patties are the best ♪

♪ They'll put hairs...
into your nest ♪

[yawns]

Ow.

Any sign of Plankton?

Uh, afraid not, Mr. Krabs.

Maybe he's on vacation.

Don't be silly!

We always take
our trips together,

to keep an eye on each other.

What's taking that crook
so long?

[jaunty accordion music]

Hm...
Maybe the door is stuck.

[humming]

♪ ♪

Ah, for--these customers
are blocking the way!

[yelling]

♪ ♪

[sighs]
There we go.

Nice, open path.

Hm?
Mm...

Hey!
Well, maybe he just needs

a little incentive.

[ukulele music]

[fanfare]
[chuckles]

There we go.

[stealthy jazz music]

Oh.

Maybe he doesn't want
me formula anymore.

[gasps]

He took the bait!

We're going to red alert!

[alarmed music]

[hubbub]

♪ ♪

Batten down the hatches!

Furl the deck!

Stop that greedy green goober!

[panting]

Oh.

[sighs]
Ow.

♪ ♪

Doggone it.

Can I get some ketchup
over here?

Please?

False alarm.

all: Whoa!

Oof!

[all groaning]

Closing time!

[jaunty music]

♪ ♪

And just where
do you think

you two are going?

It's customary
to go home at closing time.

Aren't you going home,
Mr. Krabs?

[laughing]
Oh, I'm not budging.

Plankton is gonna
try something.

I don't know when.
I don't know where.

Probably... here.

Well, yeah.
But when he does,

I'll be waiting for him.

[laughs]

I'll be waiting right here.

Morning!
Hm?

I guess Mr. Krabs
went home after all.

No, I'm still here...

Waiting for
that blasted Plankton!

both: Gah!

[disconcerting scales]

- Yeah, I'll take--
- Me patty formula?

Huh?
I knew it!

You in there, Plankton?
[grunts angrily]

Mr. Krabs,
that's not Plankton!

I will never set foot
in this establishment again!

From now on,
I'm using the drive-through!

[gasps]

[humming contentedly]

- Whoa!
- Aha!

Trying to to sneak
a Krabby Patty to Plankton, eh?

But Eugene, it's just
a to-go order.

[mocking gibberish]

Well, from now on,
all patties are to be eaten

on the premises!

What are you gonna do now,
ban pockets?

Capital idea,
Mr. Squidward.

There'll be a $50-a-barrel
surcharge from now on.

[runaway music]

Whoa, hey,
slow down there, Grampa.

Let's just see here.

Aha!

Another one
of Plankton's spies!

I just wanted some for later.

You're banned!

♪ ♪

Hm...

So Plankton's recruiting

baby burglars now!

[cries]

You're banned!

You!
You're banned! You're banned!

Banned!

- Ah...
- Banned!

[groans]

[unhinged string music]

You're all banned!

[gibbering]

Mr. Krabs, I don't think
Plankton's coming.

Nonsense.

[knocking]
[gasps]

See?
It's that stinker Plankton now.

What do you want?

Uh...
A Krabby Patty?

- Why?
- I'm hungry.

Mr. Krabs, that's just Sandy.

I'm not falling for it.

That's the worst squirrel suit
I've ever seen.

[whimpers]

[ukulele music]

[gibbering]

Do you think Mr. Krabs
is acting... strange?

[manic gibbering, laughter]

He seems fine to me.

Maybe we should postpone

our plans for tonight.

Plans?
Aha!

You're both working
for Plankton!

Get out of me restaurant,

you tricky treacherous
traitors!

[both groaning]

[suspenseful music]

I know you're in here, Plankton.

Where you hiding?

I'm right here

at the Chum Bucket!

Come on down

and try our new Chum Nuggets.

Heh.
Whew.

[screams]

[dramatic music]

Oh.
[chuckles]

Just a--just a cup.

[laughs]

Ah!
Oh?

[maniacal laughter]

Ah!

[dramatic music]

[screams]

[gibbering]

♪ ♪

[panting]

[screams]

Get ahold of yourself.
Get ahold of yourself.

[sighs]

I'm starting to see things.
[laughs]

[maniacal laughter]

[screams, gibbers]

Huh?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Those two ARE

working for Plankton!

[gasps]

♪ ♪

Ow.

Me own daughter?

♪ ♪

Oh, not Old Man Jenkins!

[cries]

Everyone really is
out to get you.

Aren't they, my little formula?

[doorbell rings]

Mr. Krabs?

[stiltedly] You have got
to come with me

to... The Chum Bucket,

for Plankton
has kidnapped Squidward.

Oh, so that's
Plankton's evil plan?

He wants me formula
as ransom!

What do we do?

What?
What's that?

Oh, that's just brilliant!

Hold on a minute.

I'll go get the ransom.

Oh, you want a Krabby Patty,
do you?

Well, I'll give you
a Krabby Patty.

[laughs maniacally]

Oh!

Ooh?

[laughs evilly]

Okay, let's go
rescue Squidward.

[laughs]

[mysterious orchestral music]

[muffled speech]

[laughs evilly]

Surprised, Krabs?

Not at all, Sheldon.

I knew you were
up to something.

Oh, yeah?

How about now?

all: Surprise!

[screams]

[confused noises]

Oh, come, Krabs.

It's the anniversary
of the first time

I tried to steal
your Krabby Patty formula!

So we threw you
a surprise party.

You mean you weren't
working for Plankton?

Of course not, Mr. Krabs.

Oh, I shouldn't have
suspected you, SpongeBob.

Whew.
Won't need these anymore.

[laughs]

Oh, boy, Krabby Patties!

Yee-haw!

[excited hubbub]

[screams]

No!
Don't eat the patties!

- Huh?
- Gotcha.

[laughs]

[gibbers]

[energetic music]

Ah!

♪ ♪

Whew.

Ah, tartar sauce!

[groans]

[screams]

♪ ♪

[all oohing]

♪ ♪

Yay.

[ukulele music]

♪ ♪

[excited chatter]

A little help here!

Did you enjoy
the surprise party, Mr. Krabs?

Eh, I'll tell you
in a second.

[grunts]
Huh?

[angelic chorus]

Ooh, that fool Krabs

left the Krabby Patty formula
behind!

[chuckles]

[nervous vocalization]
Mommy.

[ukulele music]

Ooh.

Yes, boyo.
I enjoyed it very much.

[laughs]

[jaunty ukulele music]

♪ ♪

Why, you...

What I do?

Why, you...

What I do?

Why, you...

What I do?

[laughing hysterically]

Wow!

It's "The Sir Urchin

and Snail Fail Show"!

It's cartoon time, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob?
SpongeBob?

[ponderous orchestral music]

SpongeBob?

♪ ♪

SpongeRobert?

Oh!

It's cartoon time!

I'll get our "Sir Urchin" hats.

Whoa.

Not so fast, SpongeBob.

What's in the secret room?

It's not a secret room, Patrick.

It's my library.

W-what's that word mean?

A library is a... playground
for your mind.

[vacant drone]

[laughter]

Hm...

[laughs]

Let's do it!
It's library time!

Ow!
Ow!

What I do?

[ukulele music]

[enthusiastic grunting]

[yells]

[meows]

[hisses]

Oh, tender, naive Patrick,

it's not that kind
of playground.

It's a place to read books!
See?

I love books!

[laughing] Book!

Book!

Gary, I don't think
Patrick knows

how to use a book properly.

Ow!

[ukulele music]

Behold the books, Patrick.

Each one has a story to tell.

- Whoa.
- Look out!

Those books are cliffhangers,

stories for the adventurous.

[pained grunt]

[nervous yelling]

I'll save you!

Whoa!

[dramatic orchestral music]

There are logbooks,

unabridged books,

and books with bridges.

Whoa!

[laughs]

Listen to the soothing sounds

of the audiobooks.

[seagulls crying]

I can hear the ocean.

[toilet flushing]

Me too!

[laughter]

Cookbooks,
for the culinarily curious.

[vacant grunting]

I like the pictures.

Ah, but the pictures
are a mere snack!

It's the words in the book
that really feed your brain.

Let's start you off
with an old book.

[light orchestral music]

[eerie music]

[sniffs]
Ah, musty old books smell.

Now read the words, Patrick.

Oh, read the--

oh, uh...

"Once...

Upon a..."

"Once upon a"...

Once upon a what?

To continue the story,

you have to turn the page.

Oh.

"Time."

"Once upon a time"!

[laughs]

That's the most amazing trick
I've ever seen!

I want to stare
at more words!

Then feast your eyes!

[ethereal music]

♪ ♪

Once upon a time...

[quavering]

Once a--

You're too slow!

[muttering]

He likes it!
Hey, Patrick!

[muttering]

♪ ♪

[sniffing]

[gasps]

♪ ♪

[industrious grunting]

♪ ♪

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

Ooh, Patrick, your head
is absorbing

all the book knowledge,

just like a sponge!

[laughs]

♪ ♪

[laughs]
Go, Patrick!

Get those words!

Get them good!

♪ ♪

Stop reading words!

♪ ♪

Wow, what a bookworm!

Whoa.

Yes, SpongeBob?

Uh, Patrick, I think

that's enough knowledge
for one day.

Looks like you're full.

Nonsense, dear boy.

One can never accumulate
too much information.

[genteelly] Ahem.

Well, we're fresh
out of books.

Come on, I'll buy you
an ice cream.

Ah, I must confess to feeling

more than slightly peckish.

Patrick, I'm so proud of you!

Ooh, you're a big brain now!

Ooh!

Oh, a skosh too big, it seems,
eh, wha'?

- "Eh, wha'" what?
- [laughs]

Oh, no matter,
my plebeian friend.

I shall simply
exit posthaste,

posterior-first.

Oof!

- I got it.
- Careful.

Little bit... Wow.

You really got your melon
jammed in there, didn't you?

Oh, true, SpongeBob.

Eh, but we can easily
solve this problem

on a quantum physics level.
Take this down.

If we reduce
my subatomic particles

by way
of orbital electromagnetism,

we'll create
a harmonic oscillation

within the molecules,

resulting in
a wave-function collapse,

which will enable
my "melon,"

as you so drolly put it,

to slip out.

Okay, sure.

Let's give it a try.

[muttering]

[otherworldly music]

[meows]

Gary!

Speak to me.

Oh...

[meows]

Oh, Gary, you're back.

I'd know that slime anywhere.

[gasps]
Slime!

That's it!
[laughs]

Slime it up, Gar-bear.

[laughs]

Abominable.

Yeah, that Gary grease
ought to do it.

Okay, Patrick,
pull yourself out.

[jaunty ukulele music]

♪ ♪

[yells]

Hey.
"Head Shrinking for Beginners."

Hm...

[energetic drum music]

[screams]

[chicken clucks]

♪ ♪

[chanting, yelling]

♪ ♪

[chicken clucks]

[high-pitched] Oh, I give up!

I guess we'll have to live here
in the library forever, Gary.

[meows]

[cries]

SpongeBob,
your typically moronic attempt

has given me the solution!

Perhaps because
I had to smarten up

to get stuck...

You'll need to dumb down
to get free!

[laughs]

Who's sporting
the big brain now, hm?

[laughs]

All right, Patrick.

Let's get stupid!

Yeah!

[industrious ukulele music]

♪ ♪

Electronics.

♪ ♪

Whew.

- I hope this works.
- Ah.

♪ ♪

Why, you...

What I do?

Why, you...

What I do?

I'm sorry, dear boy,

but watching
this mindless drivel

isn't affecting me
in the least.

[vacant moan]

We've got drool!

Patrick, it's working!

What I do?

This is insulting
my intelligence.

[laughing] And I adore it!

[lower,
more enthusiastic laughing]

[rumbling]

What I do?

Why, you...

What I do?

[frightened noises]

[crashing sounds]

We did it, Patrick!

The mindless drivel
is destroying your knowledge!

[laughs]

[vacant laughter]

[building orchestral music]

♪ ♪

Whoops.
Here, Patrick.

You may need
this little fella.

[vacant groan]

Huh?

Ah.

[ukulele music]

♪ ♪

Well, Patrick,
this is where we came in.

Ready for some ice cream?

Boy, am I ever!

Oof.
A book?

I love books!

[yells]

A book!
[laughs]

That's right, Patrick.

Play nice
with the pretty squares.

Gary, this is really
one for the books, eh?

- [laughs]
- [meows dully]

[laughs]

♪ ♪