Speechless (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 16 - W-H-- WHEELCHAIR P-L-- PLANET - full transcript

The DiMeos come together to help JJ shoot a last-minute film for his college application; Jimmy makes an embarrassing gaffe with JJ's beloved; Kenneth and Ray scramble to suppress embarrassing secrets.

School in New York? You've
never even been to New York.

We've been dozens of times
to see your grandparents.

That place? You want
to go to college there?

The Governor and the Mayor can't
even agree on who runs the MTA!

But you just...

Dylan's selective ignorance,
then mastery is not the point.

- Why?
- "I want to go to NYU.

And it's not just because of Izzy.

It's a great school, and New
York will be an adventure."

Financial aid section. Dad, income?

Uh, that one.



Hey! I'm not the lowest box.

The application is due tomorrow.
You've got to make a film.

We have to discuss this!

"Please. Let me try."

This is a much longer conversation.

Maybe we apply and figure it out later?

JJ's going to New York.

I can't wait to visit.

You know, I've always
wanted to see that deli

from "When Harry Met Sally..."

Ahh...

Ohh!

Ohh, ohh!

Ohh!



Yes!

Yes, yes, yes! Yes!!

Have you lost your mind?!

And no one said he can go!

"Submit a five-minute
film only you can make."

- What should it be about?
- I mean, isn't the obvious thing

to do something about disability?

Izzy, I know you're new here,

but JJ doesn't define himself that way.

"I think it's time I make
a statement on disability."

What is happening?!

Can anyone hear me?!

Am I... Am I in the room?

Is this a movie about
what it would be like

if I didn't exist?

Somebody walk through me so I can check!

Honey?

Honey?

Are you okay?

You asked if you existed,

and then Pepper ran in
and knocked you over.

So the part about JJ
going to NYU is real?

Finish me, Pepper!

"'Wheelchair Planet.'

It's a 'Twilight Zone' kind of thing

I've been working on.

Kind of dumb, but it
can show good technique."

Dumb?! Dude, it's great!

It's a land where
everyone uses a wheelchair

and the one person that
can walk is a freak.

NYU isn't gonna know what...

a mother goes through when
asked to let go of her child.

JJ, this seems really complicated.

"If we shoot through
the night, we can do it.

But I need a right-hand person

who can move Heaven and Earth for me."

God, I hate that him sidling
up means you sidling up, too.

I can't. Sorry.

Make your movie, and
we'll discuss it later.

I just can't be part of it.

Oh, I'm just gonna get
back to some light reading.

"New York"...

"wheelchair"...

"decapitated."

Oh! This one actually looks like you.

- Well, just the body, obvi...
- "Put your fingers in my ears."

Oh, there's another one. Look at that.

Gross.

"La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la."

"How about you?

Want to be in charge?"

Really? Okay.

What does this "Supreme
Ruler" person do?

Who said "Supreme Ruler"?

, keep my name out of your mouth.

"You do that.

Crack the whip, keep us moving.

I wish we had another camera.

That would help us go faster."

I've got it! We have another camera!

Yes, Dad, that's a great camera.

Jimbo's cracking.

It's an HD nanny cam.

I got it last year

when somebody kept walking
into the neighbor's houses

and moving all their stuff around.

Did they ever catch that guy?

Nope. No, they did not.

But it definitely was a guy...

who's... big.

Huh. So, has that bear
always... been a camera?

Has it always pointed
toward the living room

and anything happening
in the living room?

24/7... living room and dining room.

Dining room, huh?

So, like, if a guy was
over by the dining table

doing normal stuff,

the bear would see it?

Wide-angle lens... The bear sees all.

Great. Very, very cool.

Right. Supreme Ruler on set.

We've got nine hours
to shoot this thing.

From now on, you ask a dumb question,

you get slapped.

Where'd you get a megaphone?

What did I just say?

Also, Dad, you're lead!

I forgive the slap.

Hey, I get that the
New York thing is scary,

but still, you know, it's great
to see the kids helping JJ.

Yeah. It's cool, Mr. DiMeo.

Gah! Whoa!

Izzy! I'm sorry.

I... From behind, you
look a lot like Maya.

S-Still, I'd prefer not to be handled.

No, I'm not saying it's okay
because you look like my wife,

I'm just... I'm just saying,

yeah, uh, uh... I'm really sorry.

I got to bring him this stuff. Um...

Absolutely. Yeah, you go do that, buddy.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Uh, just... Just don't do it again.

Mm, don't want to! No. Okay.

Hey!

Hey!

So, um...

that camera bear, huh?

Weird, right?

Kinda invasive?

So invasive.

I mean, don't get me
wrong... Super cool bear.

Big true. It is amazing
what they can do.

But should it be done?

It's a real privacy issue.

Totally.

Privacy.

Net neutrality.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I can't say what,

but my family cannot
see what's on that bear.

If they do, I'd be ruined.

I can't say why, either, but ruined?

I'd pray for ruined.

Be a shame if something
happened to that bear.

Bears disappear all
the time in this city.

It's a tragedy, but what can you do?

Secret-protecting alliance?

Let's get that bear.

- The bear's watching us.
- Mm-hmm.

Keep smiling so it doesn't suspect.

Sensitivity question...

When is it okay for a
person without a disability

to portray a character
with a disability?

Never. Action!

Staging question... Do
we have to be this close?

'Cause I don't need to be...

Slapping in three, two...

Our world is a paradise.

But there is a stranger in our midst.

He Who Wheels With Feet.

Is he real?

He's real.

And until he is found,
our way of life w...

Coming through!

Oh, just wanted to
make sure it was clean

before you start shooting
your little movie.

Oh, were you...

Oh, golly. I am so sorry.

Yeah, I just... It was dirty.

Like a New York street
during a garbage strike.

Control your wife.

I'm cool. I'm cool.

Ugh. You are not gonna
believe what happened.

I never realized how much
you and Izzy look alike.

Anyway, ha!

I might've given her a massage.

Sounds like an HR nightmare.

I'd shut down production if I were you.

Ha ha.

Seriously, though, you got
to help me smooth this over.

This... This can't be
my dynamic with her.

Anyway, it's kinda your fault

for being so irresistible.

- Izzy?
- Yeah, Mr. DiMeo?

Gah! How?!

Maya was just here in that spot!

No more touching.

Okay? Okay. Deal.

No. Not shaking. Stop it.

Good save, Jimmy. Could've been weird.

Am I crying yet?

"Still look constipated."

Maya, knock.

- The man is clearly trying to use the bathroom.
- Not helping.

Hold your horses, Mom.

There's nothing to ruin

until we can get this monkey to cry!

"We're running out of time."

Fine.

Your dog, Luke, outside all winter.

"Cut! We got it!"

Makeup, fix this mess.

Why'd he have to stay out there?

He snapped at my sister once!

"Thanks, Mom. I know
you don't want to help."

Oh, remember me fondly when you're dying

in one of New York's
famous warehouse fires.

Okay, I don't know where
to shoot the rest of this.

Long hallways, tall ceilings?

It's midnight. Where
are we gonna find that?

Mm... DiMeos minus Maya
surely are a sorry bunch.

"What? Where should we go?

"Okay.

I want your help.

You want to scare me away from New York.

Let's make a deal.

For every piece of help you give me,

I'll listen to one of
your terrifying arguments."

Hmm.

Whew!

Smashed a window in the library.

Ever year, over a dozen wheelchair users

fall on the New York Subway tracks.

Let's make a movie!

I know I can walk!

It's not my fault!

I know I'm a freak! Let me be!

Cut! Moving on!

"Mom, that checkpoint looked awesome."

You know what's not awesome?

The case of Anne McCarthy,

trapped for weeks on the 29th floor

of her Manhattan apartment
when the elevator broke.

And she could scream.

JJ, for this big, climatic chase scene,

we're supposed to have
"a sea of wheelchairs"?

We just have two.

"There's one in the nurse's office.

But it's locked."

Oh. Yeah, no, I'm on it.

Hope you like statistics
about sidewalk width.

We need the bear in the east hallway

for an establishing shot.

I'll do it.

You've seen too much!

Time to hibernate.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you guys in there?

Block the door. I'm almost done.

What's going on?

- Let me in, Kenneth!
- Almost done.

"All footage uploads directly
to the SneakyBearCam cloud."

It's not here!

Well, close up the bear!

She's freakishly strong!

- Would you like milk with your tea?
- Yes, please.

Mr. Bear? Milk?

Wasn't that suspicious?

How weird are we normally?

- Mrs. DiMeo.
- Dr. Miller.

What are you doing here? It's 5:00 a.m.

I come here early to power-walk

somewhere my neighbors'
dogs can't chase me.

Why are you here?

Ooh. That sounded accusatory.

Welcome.

Do you mind if I stay?

Oh, no. I'm thrilled you're here.

Now you... not me...
Can ruin everything.

I was told to give you this script

before the next scene.

Me... Izzy.

Yeah, okay, I can see...

People look like other people!

Heck, I look a little bit like...

...JJ.

I hold all your secrets!

I don't like this bear.

Here are your secrets!

This bear's all right.

So now I just got to
delete the bad files

and keep the good ones.

So, you're just gonna go
through all the footage?

You'll see my secrets.

Well, somebody's got to watch it.

How about this...

We'll tell our secrets to each other.

Whoever's is more... horrifying

will look at the footage.

Brace yourself.

You were right to whisper that.

Thank you for your trust.

All right, ante up, dude.

For the last month, I have...

been making out with the
hottest girl in school.

Tia Casella?

Get out of here, man!

I open my heart to you,

and you throw a blatant,
sad lie in my face?

It's true.

Why would you want that to be secret?!

I don't want my family to find out.

They'd find a way to ruin it.

Do you still want to see your secrets?

I do now.

I'm gonna see what
this creep really did.

Let's go! Move it!

This is what I wanted to show you.

- I mean, yes!
- Oh, JJ making a movie?

Oh, this must be for NYU.

What?! Who didn't know about this?

Look.

They've been filming in your school

all through the night.

I'm pretty sure that one
of them broke a window

to get in here.

Oh, you want me to stop them?

Of course. You have to.

Please do it for me.

Otherwise...

What? I'm...

JJ just... makes a film
and goes off to New York?

And I've fought and I've struggled

all these years,

then I have to let him
go, and that's my reward?

Yes.

It doesn't feel like a reward.

Anyway, I'm not crazy...

not wanting him to go.

It's cold there, lonely.

It'll be hard for him to get around.

And he'll figure it out.

He can.

You gave him that.

Of course. You're right.

I haven't been helping him.

I've been sabotaging him.

Setting up for the wheelchair chase.

I could help... I could help with that.

Yes, then do it. That's the job.

We give them the tools, we let them go.

They say parenting
is the only love story

that ends in "Goodbye."

Thank you. You did change my mind.

No need to talk like an
embroidered pillow, though.

JJ, the big scene's coming up.

"I know.

It all has me very
tense in my shoulders."

I can help with that.

Mr. DiMeo?

Aha! No!

It's Mr. DiMeo.

Looks like I'm not the only one
who can make an honest mistake.

But I didn't make a mistake.

You tried to trick me into
massaging you, but I caught you.

I know. I keep making it worse.

Your attention, please.

The director to the stairwell.

His mother has another
mind-blowing fact

about New York.

"You were supposed to
get the wheelchair first.

What's the fact?"

Well, the fact is, I think New York's

gonna have to get itself ready for you.

And as for the wheelchair, well...

Hi, JJ.

It's not exactly a sea.

You did this?

I asked some friends.
They were happy to help.

As am I.

- Is she here yet?
- Oh.

I told the chaps from the nursing home

that it was for an Ann-Margret movie.

Soon!

Oh, hello, JJ!

Oh, I hate to be "that principal,"

but as exciting as all this is,

the students will be arriving very soon.

Uh, what have you got left to shoot?

"Only the most challenging
scene I've ever attempted."

Okay, everyone!

This is the scene that will
make my son's dreams come true.

Who's ready to do it right now?!

"No!

I still need to figure out

how to get the crowd to swallow Dad."

Okay, he needs 15 minutes
to set the shot up.

Let's keep it going!

Actors, ready?

Cameras recording?

Let's burn this place to the ground.

Wait. What did she just say?

Aaaaaaah!

Cut! We got it!

Every year, they get less curious.

I can't believe my alliance
partner is such a liar.

I am not a liar.

Tia Casella is not your girlfriend, man!

Everything all right over there?

So it is decided.

We will clone a human boy.

I'll prepare the specimens.

Okay. Let's watch the big scene.

That definitely should've
invited questions.

We need to be less weird.

"Where's the scene?"

It's not there.

I don't understand.

It didn't record.

I recorded it. I did.

Or maybe you touched something
you thoug was the button

but turned out to be another button

that looked like the
first button from behind.

Both buttons should understand.

Did I sabotage it after all?

Maybe I blacked out...

Like the time I graffitied
"Ray's Mom Is Hot"

on my own car.

You said that was Justin Chang.

We're not friends anymore because of it.

Sorry. We'll shoot the scene again.

And this time, I'll stay away.

No!

It wasn't her. It was me.

I don't want him to go to New York!

Everything in this family,

it revolves around you, JJ... fine.

But that means you can't just
change everything and leave.

"You killed my movie?

I'd expect that from Mom."

Yeah, well, I was
counting on her to do it,

but then she went soft,
so I had to step in.

Because that's what
a Supreme Ruler does.

Man.

Mom letting JJ move away and
Dylan sabotaging his movie?

What's next?

Uh, you making out with
the hottest girl in school?

I am!

That's right. Tia Casella and I
are lab partners with benefits.

- Have some dignity, Ray.
- Not the time, Ray.

No one believes you.

You don't even know who she is.

"Tia Casella"? I mean,
she sounds very hot.

Dad, where's the laptop?

Maybe you should help
Ray find it, Mr. DiMeo.

Okay!

Oh, Dylan, darling.

If JJ moves to New York,
then things will change.

And then you're gonna
go away one day, too.

But we'll always come back to us.

Parenting...

It's the only love story
that ends with "Goodbye."

- Ohh! That's really nice.
- Aww.

I know. It's beautiful, isn't it?

I just made it up.

I'm sorry that I ruined your movie, JJ.

"I'd do the same thing to keep you."

Aww, my kids.

I must be doing something right.

Tongue!

Full-on tongue!

What?!

Yeah, you see that? This
is a lesson for all of you.

Ray can play.

And there ain't nobody
that's out of his league.

Not even Tia Casella.

Is that what I am?

Some prize?

Tia Casella!

Dude, get a hobby.

No, Tia, you don't understand.

You've been filming me?

Why?!

So you could show me off to your parents

in some twisted game?

No! No, not at all.

Well, I saw the tape.

Ray wins.

And since I see you there,

I can do this with confidence.

What is this one even doing here?!

This is due next period,

and we are done.

Tia, wait!

Okay, we've got an hour left.

Let's figure out your movie.

"I think I just did."

And that's how it happened.

Over one long night,

a pretty great family made
a not-so-great movie...

I had to!

...then blew it up and
found something real.

Cut!

Why'd he have to stay outside?

He snapped at my sister once!

The bear's watching us.

Keep smiling so he doesn't suspect.

It's uncanny.

Who could tell them apart?!

I set out to make a movie
about being disabled.

Tia, you don't understand.

You've been filming me?

I made a movie about being DiMeo.

You did this?

I asked some friends.
They were happy to help.

And that, NYU, is a movie
that only I can make.

How much does this school cost?

Shh! Tomorrow.

This is what he wanted to hide?

"Why do it here?"

Because my downstairs neighbor

was complaining about the stomping.

It's... It's pretty bad, huh?

- No!
- No!

It's really good.

Like Fred Astaire.

"You positively float."

Really?

'Cause I've only gotten
better since that footage.

A 5, 6, 7, 8!