Speechless (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - N-E-NEW A-I-AIDE - full transcript

Maya's fear about allowing Kenneth to be J.J.'s full-time aide is confirmed when J.J. misses a physical therapy appointment; Jimmy shows Dylan how to be un-neighborly.

Places, everyone. It's show time!

Can we please not do this?

Ray, it's a new neighborhood.

We've got to find out which is fastest.

It's unnecessary.

- 3... 2..
- It's probably illegal.

[Buttons beep]

[Sighs]

Are we ever gonna get our furniture

from the old house?

There's no place for anyone to sit.



Uh, he's right. Up. You've
hogged it long enough.

[Chuckles]

- [Sirens approaching]
- Ooh.

Health Alert or Medic-Call?

Who's the winner?

Someone pressed a Health Alert pendant?

Sorry. It was a false alarm.

But we do have a special-needs child

who at some point in the future

may require immediate medical care.

Your response time was exceptional.

Please accept this basket

as a token of our deepest gratitude

for your time and your service.



Too late. He died.

♪ ♪

Listen, whoever you want to be
your aide, I'll make it happen.

I mean, that's what I do.

But why this gardener man?

I mean, what makes you think
that he's the one for the job?

"I like him."

Yeah, what else?

"You don't."

[Scoffs] JJ.

He mows grass for a living.

This is a man whose
chief job competition is goats.

Um, Mrs. DiMeo, I-I-I'm right here.

Aww. You thought that
would embarrass her.

That's cute.

Look, we got off on the wrong foot.

I'd like to give you something.

Hee-hee! Yeah.

She's smiling, right?

That's right.

So, I, uh, I'm excited.

Little nervous.

You're gonna have to help me out.

I've never been an aide before.

"I've never had one."

Oh.

Okay, well, this
isn't gonna work out at all.

[Both chuckle]

"Have questions?"

I-I do, actually.

What perspective does the
disability experience lend...

"Real questions."

[Claps hands] Okay, let's do this.

Do I handle bathroom stuff?

Does your dude-stuff work?

Is my voice good to speak for you?

[Deep voice] I can go lower.

[Normal voice] Are you like
Rain Man? Do you count cards?

Should we go to Vegas?

Okay, you're a
liar. That's good to know.

So, how can I help the DiMeos?

You're conflicted. Let me sell this.

Well, we have a request.

Don't ask. Tell. Firm.

- Fine. What we want...
- Need.

What we need... and we
realize this is unconventional,

- but...
- Oh, love.

We have dismissed our son's aide

and chosen his replacement.

It's your groundskeeper.
He starts tomorrow.

Yeah.

Kenneth! That's wonderful!

He's a natural-born caregiver.

And he's already part of
the Lafayette High family.

I support it wholeheartedly.

Does no one
understand how these things go?

You don't just say "Yes." You push back.

That way, we owe you something.

- Okay, watch for next time.
- Yes.

"We're hiring the gardener."

"As an aide? Preposterous!"

"It's our decision. It's our son."

"It's my school!"

"Well, it won't be when our
lawyers are done with you."

[Gasps] "So you're
going to sue me now?

Fine! I approve it on a trial basis.

But do not mistake my
kindness for weakness.

I will not be threatened,

and you are not the only
one with lawyers, bitch!"

"...trial... basis."

This is fantastic.

Hey. What are you working on?

[Sighs] The girl I like, Jillian,

I'm trying to find some
time to talk to her.

This is the school.

The green dots are her schedule,

and the red dots are
her boyfriend Zane's.

It's all day. I can't
get a minute alone.

Be patient. You'll find a window.

And shred this.

[Wheels rattling]

No. Oh, no. No!

Dylan. Dylan, stop.

We can't have the
neighbors seeing you cleaning up...

Sends a bad message.

What message?

That we clean up.

Listen, you're of an age...

I want to say 12...

Where it's time that
you learn who we are

and... and how we deal with people.

- I'm so ready.
- Okay.

Our family has a complicated life,

so things are gonna
fall through the cracks.

Lawns aren't gonna get mowed,

garbage bins aren't gonna get taken in.

It's best to be clear about that.

It's the DiMeo way. We've
set the bar nice and low.

- [Door closes]
- Oh, no. He's coming over.

All right. Just keep
quiet and don't look cute.

Damn it, child. That's adorable.

Well, hello, there [Sighs] neighbor.

My name's Tom.

Hey. [Sighs]

And your name is...? [Chuckles]

Jimmy. My name's Jimmy.

Well, I brought you a
lovely welcoming gift.

They're my famous
[French accent] macarons.

[Normal voice] I can't tell
you how wonderful it is

to have a nice family move in.

The last owner, he just
really let the place go.

You're, uh...

She's really eating them fast.

Anyway, if you'd like,
I would gladly give you

the name of a wonderful landscaper,

handyman, painter... Whatever you need.

Ah, we're... we're really
more do-it-yourselfers...

Oh.

...w-who don't do it.

I see.

Okay.

You know, they're
supposed to be savored.

[Clears throat]

♪ ♪

Right, he has physical
therapy today at 4:00,

and I've packed his lunch.

It's all cut up into small
pieces to avoid choking.

[Laughs]

What's so funny?

Sorry, it's just, um...
Well, you had to be there.

I was... right here,

trying to instruct you on
how not to kill my son.

Everything you need to
know is in this book.

The kid comes with instructions?

Feeding, communication...

Culture?

His favorite show is "The Bachelor"?

Yes. It's our tradition.

We have a date every Monday night.

[Laughs]

Oh, you're serious.

This is beautiful...

The bond between a... mother and... son.

[Both snicker]

- [Engine starts]
- Ooh! Wait!

Hold on!

Right. Here's a
sweater in case he get cold.

And this is sunblock
'cause he's very fair.

And if there's a medical emergency,

one of these is very
fast, and one isn't.

I don't remember. Press them both.

He's gonna be okay.

This is hard for me.

He's my world.

Look.

I admit, I don't have this figured out.

It felt like a challenge

and also a good way to help somebody.

I will earn your trust, Mrs. DiMeo.

Your son is in good hands.

[Tires screech]

[Brakes screech]

I'm not gonna lie.

That sucked.

Jillian. You're alone.

Don't you and Zane have
Spanish together?

Zane? No, he switched to Mandarin.

What's that?

Uh... it's a contract.

I'm leasing a car.

Bad idea. I am too young.

So, Mandarin? Like the oranges.

Like 'em? I love 'em! [Chuckles]

You can put them on salad
or you can eat them alone.

You got to peel them, though.

It's a lot of work. It's not worth it.

Uh, all right.

I have a window. Yes!

[Cellphone rings]

Mrs. DiMeo.

Hello, Kenneth.

Just checking to see

you arrived safely at school with my son

and that, once there, removed
him from the van.

We're in school, and
JJ's doing just fine.

Here he is. You can ask him yourself.

Did he just put you on the phone?

Take the phone back, Kenneth!

The boy doesn't speak!

That's kind of the whole thing!

Roger that.

Have a great day, Mrs. DiMeo.

[Chuckles]

All right, um, let's
get down to business.

There's a lot going on here.

Are you a sports guy or,
uh, you into music?

What do you think about?

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

That's curious.

I didn't notice a "butt"
section in the book.

Might an aide help in that department?

All right.

First thing, uh, we got
to do something about this.

Ugh.

Let's go shopping.

Kenneth: Uh, lost-and-found, please.

My friend misplaced some things.

What did he lose?

Let's see what you got.

Come on, JJ!



It's a girl's shirt, man.

It buttons on the wrong side.

Yeah, but I'll know.

We said we'd try. Now we know.

Yeah, I'm liking this.

Wait a second.

Young man...

do I see a chest hair?

Look.

[Chuckles]

Yeah, we got to show that thing off.

Ray: Hey, Dylan.

Have you heard about these
glowing worms in New Zealand

that hang from caves and
catch their prey in slimy threads?

Ray, please.

I'm pretending to do homework.

[Door opens]

Dad. Great news.

I found my window with Jillian.

And I also found the
perfect short thing to say

to show her I'm cool.

Oh, no. Ray, please, not the glow worms.

Shh!

Dad, have you heard about
these glowing worms

- in New Zealand that hang...
- It's weak.

- It's tight!
- Mnh-mnh.

Dad. Look.

Huh?

Look what I did.

Come on. Lousy neighbors.

Tone set.

Ohhh, Dylan, you didn't.

[Sighs] What?

It's the DiMeo way.

No, this is not who we are.

Picking on people, pulling pranks...

That's a jerk move.

The DiMeos are not jerks.

We're idiots.

What's the difference?

People hate jerks.

Jerks are mean.

But idiots... Idiots are gonna mess up.

And what are you gonna
do... Get angry? They're idiots.

So the world lets
idiots lead their idiot lives.

That's what we want.

Think he'll know it came from us?

Nah.

He's probably just pointing over here,

saying, "I'm a weirdo.

I angrily point at things I love."

Young woman: Everyone, this is JJ.

All: Hi, JJ!

JJ is interested in
being our new cheer manager,

and I don't think the
fact that that's not a thing

is any reason to say "No."

[All cheering]

[Giggles]

[Giggles]

Oh, dude! We got to go.

You have your appointment.

"I always..." M-I... "miss them.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

"They need their manager."

Are you trying to be adorable right now?

Fine.

But if your mother calls, we got to go.

All right?

All right. Let's see what these
young ladies got, huh?

Can't be a guy who drives
a van and says that.

I'll... be right over here.

Joyce, I'm so sorry.

JJ never misses an appointment.

I mean, he's got this new
aide, and, I mean, I just...

I have to believe that he's okay.

You know what? You're upset.

I'll get out of your
way. Send me a check.

A check? What check? Why
would I send you a check?

For my time, of
course. And I drove here.

Ahhhh.

You're a pushy little
hippie, aren't you?

Ray! Get in here!

It's time for your physical therapy.

I'm... not JJ.

I'm... I'm the other one.

I know who you are. Your brother's MIA.

If we pay for physical therapy,
we get physical therapy.

Go on. Heal him.

[Cellphone clicks]

Now!

Copy that. All right. Follow me.

All: Yeah!

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

- [Cellphone vibrates]
- Be aggressive!

- B-E aggressive!
- Whoo!

[Cheering continues indistinctly]

♪ ♪

Ready?

Be aggressive!

B-E aggressive!

Whoo!

Looks like you're
working up a sweat, huh?

Listen... Never a mistake.

Mm-hmm?

Now, since this is our
first time working together,

if you can't make it all
the way to the cone,

no cause for shame.

I think I'll manage.

- [Chuckling]
- Oh, I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

Just walk how you normally walk.

This is how I walk.

Oh, no. Okay.

This is all wrong.

Listen. You pronate.

You have a petite gait with
a 20-degree kickout.

It's gonna cause back
pain and organ imbalances.

I mean, it's fine for today,

but is this your
long-term walking plan?

[Whimpering] I mean, it was!

Okay. Don't worry. Don't
worry. We'll get you there.

It's gonna take work... Hard work...

But we are gonna do it, all right?

Let's go back to the top,
here. We're gonna try again.

But this time, plant the heel,

little toe mound, big toe mound.

Swing the opposite arm as you plant

with an imaginary string pulling you up,

elongating your form.

Go.

[Exhales sharply]

♪ ♪

[Breathing heavily]

What have you done to me?!

All: DiMeo! DiMeo! JJ DiMeo!

DiMeo! DiMeo! JJ DiMeo!

- Oi!
- Aah! Aah!

You're watching cheerleaders?!

I've been worried sick!

2, 4, 6, 8, who do we take for granted?

Wouldn't you just say "Not appreciate"?

I've been calling you for an hour.

Oh, really? Where's my phone?

I'm sorry, but, um...
we were just having fun.

And where are your clothes?

I gave him a little upgrade.

Ohh. New and improved, is it?

All it took was a day away from me.

Great.

You know what? Give me your keys.

Come on, JJ... if that
is indeed still your name.

All: Kenneth! Kenneth!

JJ and Kenneth!

- Kenneth! Kenneth! JJ...
- Chant about the mom.

- ...and Kenneth!
- The mom!

- Kenneth! JJ and Kenneth!
- Mom, mom, the mom!

- JJ and Kenneth!
- The mom!

Stop making excuses for the
man. I don't want to hear it.

Mom, we need to talk.

I'm a petite walker who pronates

- [Door closes]
- with a 20-degree kickout.

Everybody knows that,
Ray. It's not the time.

I don't trust the man.

He left you in the street.
He missed your appointment.

Nope. Don't drag me into this.

I have walking videos to watch.

"He gives me stuff you can't."

What? Like fun?

I'm very, very fun. I'm
a barrel of laughs.

"You think you know all I want."

But I do!

I literally wrote the book, JJ.

I know you better
than you know yourself.

[Scoffs]

- I'm not saying that.
- What?

"I hate 'The Bachelor.'"

[Gasps] Take that back!

- [Doorbell rings]
- What's the play?

Don't worry. Follow my lead.

Tom. Hey, neighbor.

Don't, okay? That word means something.

This is about not keeping the house up.

Okay, listen. I've thought about it.

It is really not too much to ask.

We... we have...

Oh! Again!

Who keeps sending us pizzas?

Tom: Wait. What?

I... [Sighs]

Jimmy, I owe you an apology.

Why? Are... Are you doing this?

Tom! We're neighbors!

No. Someone's been sending
me pizzas, okay?

I thought you were pranking me.

Well, if I was,

then I'm also pranking myself,

so... it's not that.

Oh! [Snaps fingers] You
know who I bet it is?

It's this Charlie
guy... Lives two streets over.

Little guy? Shifty?

No. Yeah. I've seen him.

Okay. Not a great first day for Kenneth.

Yeah, but it makes for a
fantastic last one, doesn't it?

Can you believe that JJ thinks

that man knows him better than I do

and that he's more fun?

Wait a minute. Is that what this is?

If Kenneth doesn't have what it takes,

okay, he's got to go.

But if this is about you
feeling threatened,

you have to get over it.

No, no, no. It's the first
one. It's the one you liked.

Can I fire him now?

[Sighs]

Look, I mean it.

Doesn't matter if he's fun. It's
not what the job's about.

The job is about JJ's
dignity and safety.

It's about feeding him and showering him

and taking care of his basic needs.

Kenneth does not have what it takes.

[Sighs]

JJ loves Kenneth.

This is gonna sting.

[Sighs]

You're right.

I'll get the principal to do it, eh?

[School bell rings]

Did she say what this was about?

She did not.

Mrs. DiMeo.

If this is about the stuff that
we took from the lost-and-found,

tell her we'll return it.

He just liked it.

And finding Crocs in
my size... [Chuckles]

I felt like it was a sign.

I'll be sure to convey that.

I know that you called this
meeting, but I-I have news.

It turns out there's
training Kenneth would require,

and in a world where there
are qualified applicants,

the district can't justify the expense.

The request was denied.

[Chuckles]

You seem... broken up.

Perhaps I should tell them myself?

[Inhales deeply]

Yeah. Do that.

Where's my son?

He had to use the restroom.

But he needs me for that.

Kenneth: All right, pal.

It's okay, buddy. I got you.

Nice and easy.

All right. All right, it's all good.

You'd do the same for me, right?

Yeah.

All right, but don't make
me guess next time, okay?

If you hold it in too
long, then we got trouble.

We already took the last pair
of pants in your size.

[JJ chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Yeah, no need to thank me. We're boys.

We're keeping Kenneth.

Is this the arguing thing from before?

Oh, goody! What do I say now?

No, no. This isn't a conversation.

But... wait. The list.

Yeah, you know what everyone
on that list has in common?

White men.

Well, h-have you seen it?

I-I can't imagine that
Grace Huang is...

It's very simple.

Terminate a child's aide based on race

and have a giant PR nightmare

or make this work.

Understood?

[Sighs] I can do it.

I have dirt on the superintendent.

He's my brother, but screw it.

[Dialing]

Oh. Hey, Ray.

Hi, Jillian.

I saw something
online, and I thought of you.

Have you heard about these
glowing worms in New Zealand

that hang from caves and
catch their prey in slimy threads?

I saw a video.

When they glow, it
looks like the night sky.

Right! That's what
made me think of you...

Because we both love astronomy.

[Chuckles] That's sweet.

[School bell rings]

Time for class. Walk with me.

Joyce: [Echoing] Walk to the cone.

Petite walker.

Walk how you normally walk.

You stupid petite walker!

You're a disgrace!

You'll never amount to anything!

She didn't even say that.

♪ ♪

Are you all right?

[Scoffs]

Just go!

Why did you have to make me walk?!

So, all the principal wanted to know

was whether we were happy with Kenneth.

And are we?

We are.

I mean, it's an adjustment...

To you and a little to my son.

But I'll try.

To be frank, yesterday, I
didn't trust or like you.

Now I trust you.

It's a start.

Dad. Check it out.

[Indistinct shouting]

I bet that's Charlie.

Wow. Tom's really letting him have it.

Poor guy. Collateral damage.

Wait. So we're just
gonna let this happen?

Seems like kind of a jerk move.

I didn't want any pizza that
night, Charlie, okay?

- I'd already eaten.
- I didn't do it!

Now, now, now, now. Now, wait. Hang on.

It wasn't Charlie.

It was us.

You?

We did it. I'm sorry.

It was just a messed-up try

to announce
ourselves to the neighborhood.

You're a nice guy, and you...

All of you... Deserve to know now,

[Chuckling] we're
lousy neighbors. Yeah.

We're not gonna take in our trash bins.

We're not gonna fix up our house.

If we receive your packages,

they will become our packages.

We had a snake when we moved in.

Where it is now is anyone's guess.

And we're definitely gonna
swim in all of your pools.

We already did.

It's just... who we are.

Let me get this straight.

You pranked us, lied about it.

You people are awful, and you know it.

And you've decided

you're not gonna do anything
about it ever.

I mean, you people are jerks.

Dylan: No.

We're idiots.

♪ ♪

I just work here.

[Chuckles]

Lauren B.: [Gasps] Oh, my God.

[Romantic music plays]

[Crowd cheering]

- [Remote clicks]
- Yes.

Give me that thing. [Chuckles]

♪ ♪

You too, darling.

You'll always be my baby.

[Grunts]