South Side (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Face Your Fears - full transcript
-Nicknamed "The Canaries
of the Sea,"
these gentle beluga whales
make playful vocalizations
through the nasal sacs
near their blowholes.
-Sacks. Near their holes.
[ Laughs ]
-Okay, sir.
-Ah, I love this place.
It's like being
on a different planet.
Come on, man, look how beautiful
those whales are.
-Mm-hmm.
-I don't know.
That's a lot of water.
-Right?
And look at the muscles.
"Make a new friend?"
Shit.
[ Laughter ]
-Sir, they're actually
very friendly,
and in our "Encounter" program,
guests can get eye to eye --
-And then they grab you
and drag you to the bottom.
-Nope. No.
[ Laughter ]
-And I wouldn't even get
too close to that glass,
'cause it don't look
that strong to me.
Next thing you know,
crack, shhh...
There's water running all out.
People are like, "Aaah!
Aaah! We're all gonna die!"
-No.
-"It happened again?" "Yeah!"
-No, no.
There is no danger
of that happening.
-Ay, man, that thing trying
to hit on me.
-Eugene? No.
He's in
a committed relationship.
-Hey, otters!
You want a bite?
Psych!
-Now, otters are ingenious
mammals that spend
the majority of their lives --
-Alright, key word -- mammals.
They can't breathe under water.
And every once in a while,
one of them will forget.
-Spike?
-And then, that's it.
Alright, everybody,
try to hold your breath.
-No.
-Go ahead, try it.
-Everyone can just breathe.
-Okay.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
-I would not be dead.
-You'd be dead.
-Spike.
-You'd be dead, too.
Hey, let me get a little bit
of that snapper with some fries,
and then give me a little bit of
that turtle 'cause it's thicc.
-Okay. Alright.
-Can we go?
-Hang in there, chief.
It's almost over.
Come on. Soldier up.
-You know what would happen
if you was in that tank?
First, they would eat
your eyeballs.
-Spike.
-And then once you blind --
-These fish definitely
do not attack humans.
-...they eat your feet.
-Okay, sir, you know,
the planetarium is,
like, right down the street.
-You know what happens
in this tank, too,
'cause it's got the salt water?
Humans sink right to the bottom.
Like a rock.
-Actually, the opposite
is true.
They float like angels.
-Magnus! Magnus!
See what you did?
-Good, man.
Get to safety.
-♪ I was born
on the South Side ♪
♪ I was raised
on the South Side ♪
♪ Everybody stick together
like we in a line ♪
♪ 'Cause it ain't no side
like the South Side ♪
♪ On the South Side ♪
♪ South Side! ♪
-So, Spike scared the shit
out of Magnus at the Aquarium.
Now he's saying he don't wanna
go to swim class anymore.
And I was like, "Ay, little man,
you gonna have to go
to swim class,
and I'mma support you because
James men face their fears
and they pay
their child support."
-Ooh.
-Well, then, you and your son
both gonna be dead,
'cause your ass can't swim.
-If I can't swim,
your mail-stealing mama
can't swim.
-She' can't.
-Hey, Simon,
it sounds like you're being
a little too hard
on your son, alright?
I'm not -- not trying to come
at you,
but I'm just saying,
we all have our fears, right?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-I got fears.
My fear?
I got a fear of success.
-My biggest fear is Zorbek.
-Hmm?
-What's Zorbek?
Okay.
-What's going on?
-This is...
-Go ahead.
-You know, a lot of people
ask me, they say,
"Kardell Sr., what's your fear?"
I just tell them
straight up --
my fear is extreme parkour.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, think about it.
One wrong move,
and it's 60 feet of butterfly
kicks to the concrete.
You know, "Ahhhhhhhh!"
Splatto!
-Damn, I feel like I just fell.
-That's crazy. That's crazy.
-Mine's is a classic,
'cause I know y'all heard this.
I'm scared of being open-mouth
sprayed by a skunk
while wearing
a face full of makeup.
-Sorry, guys, we'll get started
in a minute.
-I got an idea.
Fuck everybody.
-I'm with that.
-Let's all face our fears.
-Wait, wait, wait, what?
-I thought you was gonna say
something else.
-I don't understand
the "fuck everybody" part.
-I don't understand
why your belt is unbuckled.
Y'all, let's all face
our fears, right?
-Hey, y'all know me. Kardell Sr.
is in, he's in till the end.
-Ooh, Kardell Sr. be knowing.
-Kardell Sr. is smart, man.
He's right.
-Yeah.
-Let's all -- Let's all pay
Jay-Mal back the money
we owe him, right?
"Yeah, I should give that nigga
back his 37 bucks.
Maybe he could move
out of his house."
Yeah, I could move out of my
house, get my own apartment.
"Yeah, he ain't even got
a house.
He actually live at the store."
"Damn, you live at the store?
I didn't even know
you lived at the store.
He's kinda sexy, though."
Thank you, thank you.
"Yeah, what --
what's his dick size, though?"
"I'm curious about that, too."
It's medium.
-Ooh.
Alright, guys. [ Chuckles ]
Alright.
Grounded power versus
non-grounded power.
-There's been some
home invasions on 59th.
Actually, we got decent leads
on that,
thanks to the hard work of your
fellow officer, Sandy Goodnight.
Great job on Free Ice Cream
For Snitches night.
Outstanding.
-Wow. Yeah.
Yeah, you work harder
than Officer Deez.
-I know what
you're trying to do.
-Yeah?
-Um, I applaud the effort.
-Okay.
-It's a waste of time,
because you see,
I've already been there.
-Oh, you been
to deez nuts before?
[ Laughter ]
See, you didn't think
it was gonna work,
but then it did work.
-He graduated community college
with Cs and Deez Nuts.
-Fun's over.
-Yeah, clearly.
-This right here is back, now.
Seems like every decade or so,
we get a plague
of stupid-asses dressing up
as clowns and scaring people.
Looks like the City of Chicago
is entering another clown cycle.
I expect Englewood will get hit,
and then Bronzeville --
reports of an individual
looking in peoples' windows,
folding balloon animals
in a threatening manner.
He's described as wearing
very large shoes,
even by clown standards.
-Yeah.
I guess, sir, you could say that
that guy's not clowning around.
-[ Clears throat ]
-I guess, uh --
also, Walton's still
in the hospital, everybody,
so I think we should send
our thoughts and prayers.
Uh, his wife, uh, is not feeling
good about his prognosis.
-Yeah, he was shot in the lung.
-I had heard both lungs.
-Come on in, Magnus.
All mankind is from the ocean.
We children of creatures
from deep below the surface.
Dig into the memory pattern
of your DNA.
It's in there.
Yeah. See that?
Right now, you basically
at home.
-I have a serious question.
Are you concerned about
that durag getting soaked?
[ Laughs ]
-Jokes is your armor,
Kardell Jr.,
and I'll beat your ass.
Y'all move away from Kardell Jr.
quick
in case his scary ass
start peeing in the pool,
so the chlorine can work.
Alright, then,
let's get started.
Everybody grab the side
of the pool
and start kicking
with your legs.
Soft knees.
-Magnus, put your face
in the water
so that your whole body
can level out, alright?
And hold your breath,
like when you go
into the bathroom
right behind your mama.
-Or Fred.
-Who the fuck is Fred?
-With all due respect, Simon,
I think he should be instructed
by the instructor,
not by somebody who, with all
due respect again, cannot swim.
-Wow. [ Laughs ]
You ready to put your money
where your mouth is, Blue-ho?
'Cause today is the day, baby.
-I'll bet you $37
you can't swim.
-I'm all in.
Anybody else want
some of the action?
-Put your money up.
-Oh!
Oh. Did not expect that.
Okay.
Unh.
Ooh!
Let's make it happen, everybody!
It's going down.
I see you, boy.
Show you what it is.
Let me lay all my stuff out.
You about to lose
all your money.
All of it, right now.
Anybody else wanna bet?
Huh?
[ Exhales ]
[ Whistle blows ]
[ Muffled speaking ]
♪♪
♪♪
-Sir, can I clown him now?
-[ Grunts ]
See you guys later.
Magnus, call me
when you get home!
-And on and on and on.
"Goodnight, have you held deez?
Goodnight, have you seen deez?
Hey, Goodnight, Dr. Deez called.
He said, hey, call him back,
super important."
-Hush!
-"You might have deez!"
When will deez grow up.
Goddammit.
-Hey!
-What?
-One of these clowns
just chased me...
-Clowns?
-Yes, my nephew half a block
throwing snap pops and yelling,
"Dance, boy, dance!"
He ran that way.
-You guys okay?
Was he armed?
-Yes.
He had a horn
and a-a tiny ukulele.
Uh, like about this small.
-Probably should have been
more specific.
-There he go!
-Hey!
Come here!
♪♪
Got you!
[ Screaming ]
Come here!
♪♪
Ahhh!
Stop resisting! Goddammit!
-Juggle deez.
[ Horn blows ]
[ High-pitched whining ]
♪♪
Ahh!
♪♪
-Not the face!
Assault with a deadly weapon,
assault with a hilarious weapon,
hilarious assault.
Y'all got a lot
of fucking problems.
-Unh-uh! You can't put them
clowns in my car!
-Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
Hey!
What the fuck?
Turner, can you please --
[ Strums ukulele ]
Okay, who's got the ukulele?
Who's got it? You?
You gonna play this shit
while I'm trying to talk?
Come here. Come here.
That's --
Oh, we dancing right now!
Damn it.
Turn around.
Gonna give you
some of your own medicine.
How about I blow this
in your fucking ear?
[ Coughs ]
Okay!
I had that coming.
Come on!
Son of a bitch.
Stay right here.
Right fucking here.
Hey, what is going on with you?
-I'm scared of clowns, alright?
When I was seven, people were
dressing up
and scaring people
like they are right now.
And one clown chased me
for two blocks.
He dragged me back to his car,
but there wasn't any room.
It was horrible, okay?
So, I can't -- I can't deal
with this shit today.
-Okay.
Alright.
[ Playing kazoo ]
You know what?
You know what?
Give me the kazoo,
and any other condescending
musical instruments.
-Time is like an onion,
and we're about to peel
that bitch back layer
by layer, tear by tear.
You're back at the pool.
What's happening?
-I'm staring at the water.
I'm freaking out.
My son is watching me.
Kardell Jr.
is clowning me mercilessly.
I need to take off my pants.
That's...
-From this point,
I can no longer guide you.
This is as far as I got
in the YouTube video
before it asked me for $3.99.
-There's a voice in my head.
And it's saying, "Don't put
your clothes down.
Motherfuckers
be stealing clothes."
Holy shit!
I figured it out.
-Ahh! Ahh! No!
-Shh, relax, man.
-Dad?
-Yeah, yeah.
It's just me.
Sorry to wake you up like that.
I know why I wasn't able to jump
in the water today.
Okay, starts like this.
When I was in seventh grade,
I was part of a swim team,
and my swim team
had a meet against Wilmette,
and we drug they ass
all over the pool.
The Wilmette parents
were pissed off
because we were Black kids
from the South Side of Chicago,
and according to stereotypes,
we shouldn't know how to swim
or where Wilmette is.
-Where is Wilmette?
-Ah.
I don't know.
South or east or west of here?
Anyway, that shit was terrible.
They stole our clothes, man.
-Burt, what are you doing?
-Fuck these South Side kids!
-I want to beat them, too,
but this ain't the right way
to go about it.
-Shut the fuck up, Clutterbuck.
If they like swimming so much,
they can wear their fucking
suits all the way home.
-Hey, Burt,
this feels kinda racist.
-Clutterbuck, you can forget
about 12-and-under
nationals this year.
-Well, I guess we won't be
going to Atlanta in '96.
I had hoped to finally go
to a Black barber, and freaknik.
-Those South Side kids shot
that dream in the face.
Because that's what they do
out there.
Let's show 'em
how Wilmette does!
-I remember
how embarrassed I felt.
I repressed it.
-I bet your coach
beat they ass.
-Psh.
He was a simp.
That Mark was like,
"I don't want to hear shit.
I told y'all cheap-ass parents
to buy
y'all some goddamn locks."
-Did they do it?
No, they ain't do it.
They don't ever listen to me.
-"Maybe now they Black asses
will listen to me,
and if any of you little kids
tell 'em what I said..."
-Ooh, guess what?
-"I'll deny it."
-The coach has a weird voice.
-We had to wear our swimsuits
all the way home
back on the bus.
It was like wearing underwear.
-Dang.
-Yeah.
Anyway, uh, to tell you
the truth, today,
I felt like I was gonna have
my clothes stolen again.
That's why I didn't jump in.
-Mm. So, Kardell Jr.'s wrong.
You're not a bitch.
-He said that?
-He said a lot of things.
-Mm. Okay.
Well, I won't be calling
his mama back.
-You're dating his mom?
-You're asking too
many questions.
Go back to sleep!
Thank you.
Alright.
-Uh, thank you, you know,
for being nice
and not making me
get the handcuffs out,
but they said you was
in there messing around.
-I was shopping.
-You were shopping?
-Mm-hmm.
-Chocolate milk.
Chocolate milk.
Another chocolate milk.
-That's right.
-Another -- You know what?
This is not a legitimate
shopping list.
You're in there fucking around.
-I don't wanna run out!
-Uh-huh.
Come on.
My partner has an aversion
to clowns,
so you're gonna be riding in our
luxury compartment back here.
-Oh, that's lovely.
-Cameron?
Hey. Cameron.
Cameron, I know you hear me
talking to you, boy.
You better answer me.
-I ain't talking to you!
You know what you did!
-Simon, on a scale of 1 to 10,
what's your anxiety level?
-It's about a 3.
-That's good.
Come up out them pants.
-Whoa.
That makes it about a 4,
maybe even a 6.
-You can do this.
Gimme the pants.
Come on.
-Whoa!
Gotta tell you, anxiety level's
going up real fast.
It's at a 7.9.
And after this last sock,
we are definitely at 8.
You going skiing?
the simulation must have
a thief
who will simulate
stealing your clothes, ergo me.
-You're gonna have
a head stroke.
Magnus, let's go swimming, man.
-The water's so big.
-Just like deez nuts!
Come on, man, let's go.
Let's roll.
Yo, get in here.
Last man in...
♪♪
Ooh. Colder than I thought.
Go on.
-What? No.
You go.
-♪ I been stuck
in my head, soul again ♪
♪ I been losing
all my friends ♪
♪ But I keep on swimming ♪
♪ I just keep on swimming ♪
♪ I been thinking like that
again ♪
♪ They keep praying
I don't win ♪
♪ But I keep on swimming ♪
♪ I just keep on swimming ♪
-Ay, you did a good job,
little man,
swimming like that.
-Where's our stuff?
-Somehow, I don't feel like
this is part of the simulation.
Oh, my gosh.
-Dad, you -- you okay?
Breathe, Dad.
-I'm...
Wow.
I don't know.
Um...
you know what?
Are you still scared
of going swimming?
-Nope. I'm Gucci.
-Then I'm Gucci, too.
My wallet's in the truck.
Let's go get some ice cream.
-It's not that bad, right?
-Man, fuck those parents!
-Hey! Hey, man!
That icebox didn't do
a damn thing to you!
Hey, it still better get cold,
or this gonna be one
mad minister!
-You better shut the fuck up
before I come up there
and choke your ass out
with that Pee-wee Herman bowtie!
-Yeah!
This is great tea, by the way.
Oolong?
-Um, that's Vanilla Rooibos.
-Oh.
-Look, bruh, you dealt
with the fear part.
Okay, I mean, you swam
with your son,
and when your clothes got stole,
you were a soldier,
like the S1Ws,
or that young man that used
to date Beyoncé before Jay-Z.
But you didn't deal
with the anger.
-You right.
When you were talking about
those clothes being stole,
I just had fury and I wanted
to smash this tea set
and kick K in the fucking face.
-What I do?
-Nothing.
-And I'm angry at the sun
for what it did to me.
My lips and my eyes
are dark skinned.
-I'm glad you brought that up,
'cause I was thinking it
this whole time.
I suggest you find those parents
and let them know how you feel.
That's a good point.
-This is great.
And I can't be mad at the sun.
It's only 4.6 billion years old.
It's just a baby.
-Thanks, Charlie.
-Uh, that's Charles 15 X.
-You got it, 15.
-[ Chuckles ]
♪♪
-I'm a soldier, too.
And I used to be afraid
of clowns.
Now...
♪♪
I am the laughter.
-Hey, brother, we forgot
our dol...
ly.
-Yo, why the fuck
is Cameron ignoring me?
Okay, he was a weirdo
in high school.
-Right.
-He got bullied
and I protected him.
-Uh-huh.
-I did that.
-You protected him?
-Me. You know what?
I need to talk to him right now.
-Okay, I guess we're gonna
talk to him right now.
-Yeah, we talking
to him right now.
-Alright.
-Oh, goddamit,
shit, no, fuck it!
-Okay, why don't you
just go talk to him? Goddamn.
-Unh-uh. No, no, no.
I can't, okay?
Because it's like
100 fucking clowns in there
in that holding cell.
-It's not 100.
You're exaggerating. It's a lot.
-No, I'm not.
That's like, um, if I was scared
of sharks and you were like,
"Oh, why don't you just go
to SeaWorld, jump in the water?"
-Oh, well, see, first off,
there's no sharks at SeaWorld.
I think you're thinking
about orcas.
Now, they are mega-dangerous.
They hunt in packs.
They commit infanticide.
A bunch of orcas --
-See? I can't even say shit
without you
trying to be fucking smart.
-I wasn't trying to be smart.
-That's why everybody
hates you.
-They don't hate me.
-No, they fucking hate you,
Goodnight.
-They hate me?
They bust my balls.
They don't hate me.
-Fucking hate you!
-By the way,
that's the clown direction.
-Oh, gosh. Damn it!
-Yeah. Exactly. See?
♪♪
-Stop right here.
This is good.
-Y'all really gonna do this,
huh?
-Did you really steal a bunch
of kids' clothes
back in the day?
-How'd you guys find me?
-TikTok.
-Knew I should have made
that private.
Just wanted the attention.
-It's not personal.
I just need closure.
-Ah, well, deep down,
I knew this day would come.
You'll find Burt at the address
I gave you.
-Appreciate you. You ready?
-Hey, let me hit that thing.
-Hell naw.
-I deserve that.
Alright, see you soon,
Brenda Clutterbuck.
-Do it.
-Aaah!
Aaah!
-That's gonna cut him
up super bad.
-Yeah, no,
he'll learn his lesson.
-Hope so.
-♪ Girl, I wanna lick
every wrinkle on your body ♪
♪ Take you to the back
and make you my new hottie ♪
I see you, young sir.
Ooh.
Happy birthday, girl.
Mm. Ah.
Yeah. Let's get it.
And that's all they paid for.
Coming to the stage,
we got the Real Tough Outriders.
-Uh, that's Outsiders.
-Outsiders.
Sorry about that, fellas.
And what are your names?
-Simon.
-And I'm K.
-And what are you gonna be
doing for us today?
-Uh, may I?
-By all means, sir.
-Thank you very much.
First of all, I wanna say hello
to everyone here,
and big shout-out
to all the GMILFs in the room.
Look forward to talking
to you later.
Um, when I was a kid,
Mr. Rovner and his pals
stole clothes from me
and my entire swim team.
He's a goddamn monster.
But don't worry.
I'm here to beat his ass.
-Oh, I remember you.
I'm still wearing your socks,
bitch.
-You got any good
ass-whooping music?
-I thought you'd never ask.
Have a taste of this.
-♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
-Damn!
-Oh!
-[ Grunting ]
-Ooh.
-[ Laughs ]
-Ooh, shit. That hurt.
-It's crazy.
I'm scared of a lot of things,
man.
I'm scared of that tree
from "Poltergeist."
I'm scared
of undercooked chicken.
Um, quietly, on the low-low,
I'm scared of jail.
Totally terrified.
I'm so scared to spend
the night here.
You look afraid.
You know what?
Uh, we don't gotta do this
right now.
It's okay to chicken out.
Forget this.
Wanna get, uh, Harold's?
They got a special on, uh,
gizzards.
-No, no, no, no.
It's alright. It's alright.
Let's -- Let's just go.
Let's just go. Let's just go.
-Okay.
-Oh!
Well, what's going on,
plainface?
I guess we all
wearing wigs today.
[ Laughter ]
-Alright, alright, alright.
Hey! Alright, watch it.
Sit down.
Sit -- He's got a hot dog.
How'd you get that in here,
by the way?
Whoever has that horn,
it's not horn time.
-Look, Cameron,
I can get you out of here,
but you gotta talk to me first.
-Whoa.
-Okay.
You know, I was definitely
big sis in high school,
so I really don't know
why you giving me
so much attitude right now.
-Big sis?
-Yes.
-Is that what you think?
-Yes.
-You used to bully me, Zenobia.
-No.
Unh-uh. No, no, no, no.
Don't be changing
the narrative, boo-boo.
No, no, no.
-That is the narrative.
-No, no, no, no.
I pre-bullied you.
That was to toughen you up
before you had to deal with
the real bullies of the world,
that were way worse than me.
-You know, you know,
that's not how you're supposed
to talk to family.
You're rude,
and you're kind of cute,
so if you wanna let me go, too.
[ Laughs ]
-Shut up!
Wasn't nobody talking to you,
and I ain't letting you go.
[ Horn honks ]
-Alright, who honked it?
-Cameron.
-Yeah?
-Put the hat back on.
-You're being excessive.
-I'm being excessive?
Oh, you didn't bully me?
Okay.
I'm the one that taught you
how to beat your face, huh?
Then all you gonna sit up there
and do, turn around,
and steal my wig glue.
I didn't ask you for that.
-You can't even --
You can't even --
You can't even --
See, you have four toes on one
foot, six toes on the other.
-Well, that's --
-And I didn't ever say
anything about that.
-...something that you're not
supposed to tell anybody.
-Ooh, I never even talked
about your stutter
in high school.
It's --
Did I ever bring that up?
-That's it!
I got you!
Oh, shit.
I am...
Oh, there's blood in there.
-He just had that done, okay?
-I'm so sorry.
Can I put it back on?
-No!
-You were so mean!
-I was mean?
-Yes.
-I'm not mean.
-Why would you do
this right now?
I'm trying to have
a conversation!
-I told the truth,
and I got a smart-ass mouth,
but I am not mean.
-Have you met you?
-Goodnight! Goodnight!
-What do you want?
What?
-Tone. Am I mean?
-Tone?
-[ Laughs ]
Are you serious right now?
-[ Scoffs ]
-Is gravity real?
-Exactly.
-Hold on.
Let me test gravity.
Oh, what do you know?
It's real. Yeah, you are mean.
I seem to recall 10 full minutes
of deez nuts jokes,
just the other day.
-It was a joke.
It was just jokes.
It was funny.
-Who -- Who is it funny to?
Do we look like we're laughing?
Do these guys look like
they're laughing?
Huh?
You make fun of me,
you make fun of my wife,
you've abandoned me
countless times.
I have two parking tickets
because of you.
In fact, you told me
to go into Pegasus
and get you a gyro you could
write me the parking ticket.
-She wrote it?
'Cause ya mean.
-Stop touching my gun.
[ Horn squeaks ]
Alright?
You know, I'm sorry.
You know what?
Goddamn, that's bleeding.
Wallace!
-You know, you also be cutting
people off when they talk --
-Okay. You a lie.
And now y'all bullying me.
-Aw, look at her go, guys.
You know what?
You might be afraid of clowns,
but you the real monster.
-Success?
I don't know.
I mean, I found $20
in the street,
and I bought some sunglasses.
-Well, I also
faced my fear, too.
You know, I was like...
-She's on break.
I think that's what this means.
Alright.
-She gone?
-She's gone.
-Okay.
So, yesterday, I went over
to Delonte's house --
[ Bell rings ]
-Oh, hey, Q and Stacy.
Did y'all face y'all --
Mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Ooh, y'all sick.
What is that smell?
-Well, Stacy decided
not to face her skunk fear
at the last second.
I got pushed into
the line of fire.
-Plus, somebody called
the cops,
talking about they seen a clown,
so we had to run.
[ Siren wailing ]
-Okay, well, they gone now.
The coast is clear.
-That's cute, though.
I'm still fly.
-Alright, you is.
Q, ugh, ew.
Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.
-Mm.
-You need to take a bath
in some tomato sauce
and then wash that off
with vinegar,
and then rinse it off
with water,
and then add a little
Axe Body Spray on top.
-Nah. Too much work.
I got some ketchup packets
in my office.
Wait.
What happened to Kardell Sr.?
He don't never miss
no day of work.
Oh, that's true.
Oh, well, he did face his fear
of extreme parkour,
so he tried to get
from Hancock Center
over to 900 North Michigan
in just 10 jumps.
He fell on the ninth.
-Damn.
-No.
-Not Kardell Sr.
-Mm-hmm.
-Somebody should say
something, y'all.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, I'mma say something.
-Okay.
-Keisha, you on box breakdowns.
-Aw, hell naw.
-Sorry I'm late.
-Hey, looks like Goodnight hurt
himself turning double dutch.
[ Laughter ]
-Nah, he hurt himself
juggling clown balls.
Testes, I mean.
-Right.
-Oh, yeah. Funny.
-Turner.
-Mm.
-Come on.
I know you got a hot one.
I can see it on your face.
-Yeah, Turner,
you got a hot one?
-Go get you some.
-Man, forget Goodnight.
What about Officer Baby Hands
over here?
We know he ain't palming
no basketballs and no booties
with them little-ass hands.
[ Laughter ]
-So, that's why you never
shake hands, you creep.
Maybe you could hold my dick,
make it look bigger.
[ Laughter ]
-Over here eating apples
with two hands.
-This is for a fallen soldier,
Kardell Sr.
I wish I had gotten
to know that guy.
-Who?
-Oh.
-What in the fuck?
♪♪
-Round two, bitch.
♪♪
♪♪
[ All grunting ]
♪♪
-♪ Oh ♪
♪♪
♪ Get it ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Get it ♪
♪♪
♪♪
of the Sea,"
these gentle beluga whales
make playful vocalizations
through the nasal sacs
near their blowholes.
-Sacks. Near their holes.
[ Laughs ]
-Okay, sir.
-Ah, I love this place.
It's like being
on a different planet.
Come on, man, look how beautiful
those whales are.
-Mm-hmm.
-I don't know.
That's a lot of water.
-Right?
And look at the muscles.
"Make a new friend?"
Shit.
[ Laughter ]
-Sir, they're actually
very friendly,
and in our "Encounter" program,
guests can get eye to eye --
-And then they grab you
and drag you to the bottom.
-Nope. No.
[ Laughter ]
-And I wouldn't even get
too close to that glass,
'cause it don't look
that strong to me.
Next thing you know,
crack, shhh...
There's water running all out.
People are like, "Aaah!
Aaah! We're all gonna die!"
-No.
-"It happened again?" "Yeah!"
-No, no.
There is no danger
of that happening.
-Ay, man, that thing trying
to hit on me.
-Eugene? No.
He's in
a committed relationship.
-Hey, otters!
You want a bite?
Psych!
-Now, otters are ingenious
mammals that spend
the majority of their lives --
-Alright, key word -- mammals.
They can't breathe under water.
And every once in a while,
one of them will forget.
-Spike?
-And then, that's it.
Alright, everybody,
try to hold your breath.
-No.
-Go ahead, try it.
-Everyone can just breathe.
-Okay.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
You'd be dead.
-I would not be dead.
-You'd be dead.
-Spike.
-You'd be dead, too.
Hey, let me get a little bit
of that snapper with some fries,
and then give me a little bit of
that turtle 'cause it's thicc.
-Okay. Alright.
-Can we go?
-Hang in there, chief.
It's almost over.
Come on. Soldier up.
-You know what would happen
if you was in that tank?
First, they would eat
your eyeballs.
-Spike.
-And then once you blind --
-These fish definitely
do not attack humans.
-...they eat your feet.
-Okay, sir, you know,
the planetarium is,
like, right down the street.
-You know what happens
in this tank, too,
'cause it's got the salt water?
Humans sink right to the bottom.
Like a rock.
-Actually, the opposite
is true.
They float like angels.
-Magnus! Magnus!
See what you did?
-Good, man.
Get to safety.
-♪ I was born
on the South Side ♪
♪ I was raised
on the South Side ♪
♪ Everybody stick together
like we in a line ♪
♪ 'Cause it ain't no side
like the South Side ♪
♪ On the South Side ♪
♪ South Side! ♪
-So, Spike scared the shit
out of Magnus at the Aquarium.
Now he's saying he don't wanna
go to swim class anymore.
And I was like, "Ay, little man,
you gonna have to go
to swim class,
and I'mma support you because
James men face their fears
and they pay
their child support."
-Ooh.
-Well, then, you and your son
both gonna be dead,
'cause your ass can't swim.
-If I can't swim,
your mail-stealing mama
can't swim.
-She' can't.
-Hey, Simon,
it sounds like you're being
a little too hard
on your son, alright?
I'm not -- not trying to come
at you,
but I'm just saying,
we all have our fears, right?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-I got fears.
My fear?
I got a fear of success.
-My biggest fear is Zorbek.
-Hmm?
-What's Zorbek?
Okay.
-What's going on?
-This is...
-Go ahead.
-You know, a lot of people
ask me, they say,
"Kardell Sr., what's your fear?"
I just tell them
straight up --
my fear is extreme parkour.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, think about it.
One wrong move,
and it's 60 feet of butterfly
kicks to the concrete.
You know, "Ahhhhhhhh!"
Splatto!
-Damn, I feel like I just fell.
-That's crazy. That's crazy.
-Mine's is a classic,
'cause I know y'all heard this.
I'm scared of being open-mouth
sprayed by a skunk
while wearing
a face full of makeup.
-Sorry, guys, we'll get started
in a minute.
-I got an idea.
Fuck everybody.
-I'm with that.
-Let's all face our fears.
-Wait, wait, wait, what?
-I thought you was gonna say
something else.
-I don't understand
the "fuck everybody" part.
-I don't understand
why your belt is unbuckled.
Y'all, let's all face
our fears, right?
-Hey, y'all know me. Kardell Sr.
is in, he's in till the end.
-Ooh, Kardell Sr. be knowing.
-Kardell Sr. is smart, man.
He's right.
-Yeah.
-Let's all -- Let's all pay
Jay-Mal back the money
we owe him, right?
"Yeah, I should give that nigga
back his 37 bucks.
Maybe he could move
out of his house."
Yeah, I could move out of my
house, get my own apartment.
"Yeah, he ain't even got
a house.
He actually live at the store."
"Damn, you live at the store?
I didn't even know
you lived at the store.
He's kinda sexy, though."
Thank you, thank you.
"Yeah, what --
what's his dick size, though?"
"I'm curious about that, too."
It's medium.
-Ooh.
Alright, guys. [ Chuckles ]
Alright.
Grounded power versus
non-grounded power.
-There's been some
home invasions on 59th.
Actually, we got decent leads
on that,
thanks to the hard work of your
fellow officer, Sandy Goodnight.
Great job on Free Ice Cream
For Snitches night.
Outstanding.
-Wow. Yeah.
Yeah, you work harder
than Officer Deez.
-I know what
you're trying to do.
-Yeah?
-Um, I applaud the effort.
-Okay.
-It's a waste of time,
because you see,
I've already been there.
-Oh, you been
to deez nuts before?
[ Laughter ]
See, you didn't think
it was gonna work,
but then it did work.
-He graduated community college
with Cs and Deez Nuts.
-Fun's over.
-Yeah, clearly.
-This right here is back, now.
Seems like every decade or so,
we get a plague
of stupid-asses dressing up
as clowns and scaring people.
Looks like the City of Chicago
is entering another clown cycle.
I expect Englewood will get hit,
and then Bronzeville --
reports of an individual
looking in peoples' windows,
folding balloon animals
in a threatening manner.
He's described as wearing
very large shoes,
even by clown standards.
-Yeah.
I guess, sir, you could say that
that guy's not clowning around.
-[ Clears throat ]
-I guess, uh --
also, Walton's still
in the hospital, everybody,
so I think we should send
our thoughts and prayers.
Uh, his wife, uh, is not feeling
good about his prognosis.
-Yeah, he was shot in the lung.
-I had heard both lungs.
-Come on in, Magnus.
All mankind is from the ocean.
We children of creatures
from deep below the surface.
Dig into the memory pattern
of your DNA.
It's in there.
Yeah. See that?
Right now, you basically
at home.
-I have a serious question.
Are you concerned about
that durag getting soaked?
[ Laughs ]
-Jokes is your armor,
Kardell Jr.,
and I'll beat your ass.
Y'all move away from Kardell Jr.
quick
in case his scary ass
start peeing in the pool,
so the chlorine can work.
Alright, then,
let's get started.
Everybody grab the side
of the pool
and start kicking
with your legs.
Soft knees.
-Magnus, put your face
in the water
so that your whole body
can level out, alright?
And hold your breath,
like when you go
into the bathroom
right behind your mama.
-Or Fred.
-Who the fuck is Fred?
-With all due respect, Simon,
I think he should be instructed
by the instructor,
not by somebody who, with all
due respect again, cannot swim.
-Wow. [ Laughs ]
You ready to put your money
where your mouth is, Blue-ho?
'Cause today is the day, baby.
-I'll bet you $37
you can't swim.
-I'm all in.
Anybody else want
some of the action?
-Put your money up.
-Oh!
Oh. Did not expect that.
Okay.
Unh.
Ooh!
Let's make it happen, everybody!
It's going down.
I see you, boy.
Show you what it is.
Let me lay all my stuff out.
You about to lose
all your money.
All of it, right now.
Anybody else wanna bet?
Huh?
[ Exhales ]
[ Whistle blows ]
[ Muffled speaking ]
♪♪
♪♪
-Sir, can I clown him now?
-[ Grunts ]
See you guys later.
Magnus, call me
when you get home!
-And on and on and on.
"Goodnight, have you held deez?
Goodnight, have you seen deez?
Hey, Goodnight, Dr. Deez called.
He said, hey, call him back,
super important."
-Hush!
-"You might have deez!"
When will deez grow up.
Goddammit.
-Hey!
-What?
-One of these clowns
just chased me...
-Clowns?
-Yes, my nephew half a block
throwing snap pops and yelling,
"Dance, boy, dance!"
He ran that way.
-You guys okay?
Was he armed?
-Yes.
He had a horn
and a-a tiny ukulele.
Uh, like about this small.
-Probably should have been
more specific.
-There he go!
-Hey!
Come here!
♪♪
Got you!
[ Screaming ]
Come here!
♪♪
Ahhh!
Stop resisting! Goddammit!
-Juggle deez.
[ Horn blows ]
[ High-pitched whining ]
♪♪
Ahh!
♪♪
-Not the face!
Assault with a deadly weapon,
assault with a hilarious weapon,
hilarious assault.
Y'all got a lot
of fucking problems.
-Unh-uh! You can't put them
clowns in my car!
-Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
Hey!
What the fuck?
Turner, can you please --
[ Strums ukulele ]
Okay, who's got the ukulele?
Who's got it? You?
You gonna play this shit
while I'm trying to talk?
Come here. Come here.
That's --
Oh, we dancing right now!
Damn it.
Turn around.
Gonna give you
some of your own medicine.
How about I blow this
in your fucking ear?
[ Coughs ]
Okay!
I had that coming.
Come on!
Son of a bitch.
Stay right here.
Right fucking here.
Hey, what is going on with you?
-I'm scared of clowns, alright?
When I was seven, people were
dressing up
and scaring people
like they are right now.
And one clown chased me
for two blocks.
He dragged me back to his car,
but there wasn't any room.
It was horrible, okay?
So, I can't -- I can't deal
with this shit today.
-Okay.
Alright.
[ Playing kazoo ]
You know what?
You know what?
Give me the kazoo,
and any other condescending
musical instruments.
-Time is like an onion,
and we're about to peel
that bitch back layer
by layer, tear by tear.
You're back at the pool.
What's happening?
-I'm staring at the water.
I'm freaking out.
My son is watching me.
Kardell Jr.
is clowning me mercilessly.
I need to take off my pants.
That's...
-From this point,
I can no longer guide you.
This is as far as I got
in the YouTube video
before it asked me for $3.99.
-There's a voice in my head.
And it's saying, "Don't put
your clothes down.
Motherfuckers
be stealing clothes."
Holy shit!
I figured it out.
-Ahh! Ahh! No!
-Shh, relax, man.
-Dad?
-Yeah, yeah.
It's just me.
Sorry to wake you up like that.
I know why I wasn't able to jump
in the water today.
Okay, starts like this.
When I was in seventh grade,
I was part of a swim team,
and my swim team
had a meet against Wilmette,
and we drug they ass
all over the pool.
The Wilmette parents
were pissed off
because we were Black kids
from the South Side of Chicago,
and according to stereotypes,
we shouldn't know how to swim
or where Wilmette is.
-Where is Wilmette?
-Ah.
I don't know.
South or east or west of here?
Anyway, that shit was terrible.
They stole our clothes, man.
-Burt, what are you doing?
-Fuck these South Side kids!
-I want to beat them, too,
but this ain't the right way
to go about it.
-Shut the fuck up, Clutterbuck.
If they like swimming so much,
they can wear their fucking
suits all the way home.
-Hey, Burt,
this feels kinda racist.
-Clutterbuck, you can forget
about 12-and-under
nationals this year.
-Well, I guess we won't be
going to Atlanta in '96.
I had hoped to finally go
to a Black barber, and freaknik.
-Those South Side kids shot
that dream in the face.
Because that's what they do
out there.
Let's show 'em
how Wilmette does!
-I remember
how embarrassed I felt.
I repressed it.
-I bet your coach
beat they ass.
-Psh.
He was a simp.
That Mark was like,
"I don't want to hear shit.
I told y'all cheap-ass parents
to buy
y'all some goddamn locks."
-Did they do it?
No, they ain't do it.
They don't ever listen to me.
-"Maybe now they Black asses
will listen to me,
and if any of you little kids
tell 'em what I said..."
-Ooh, guess what?
-"I'll deny it."
-The coach has a weird voice.
-We had to wear our swimsuits
all the way home
back on the bus.
It was like wearing underwear.
-Dang.
-Yeah.
Anyway, uh, to tell you
the truth, today,
I felt like I was gonna have
my clothes stolen again.
That's why I didn't jump in.
-Mm. So, Kardell Jr.'s wrong.
You're not a bitch.
-He said that?
-He said a lot of things.
-Mm. Okay.
Well, I won't be calling
his mama back.
-You're dating his mom?
-You're asking too
many questions.
Go back to sleep!
Thank you.
Alright.
-Uh, thank you, you know,
for being nice
and not making me
get the handcuffs out,
but they said you was
in there messing around.
-I was shopping.
-You were shopping?
-Mm-hmm.
-Chocolate milk.
Chocolate milk.
Another chocolate milk.
-That's right.
-Another -- You know what?
This is not a legitimate
shopping list.
You're in there fucking around.
-I don't wanna run out!
-Uh-huh.
Come on.
My partner has an aversion
to clowns,
so you're gonna be riding in our
luxury compartment back here.
-Oh, that's lovely.
-Cameron?
Hey. Cameron.
Cameron, I know you hear me
talking to you, boy.
You better answer me.
-I ain't talking to you!
You know what you did!
-Simon, on a scale of 1 to 10,
what's your anxiety level?
-It's about a 3.
-That's good.
Come up out them pants.
-Whoa.
That makes it about a 4,
maybe even a 6.
-You can do this.
Gimme the pants.
Come on.
-Whoa!
Gotta tell you, anxiety level's
going up real fast.
It's at a 7.9.
And after this last sock,
we are definitely at 8.
You going skiing?
the simulation must have
a thief
who will simulate
stealing your clothes, ergo me.
-You're gonna have
a head stroke.
Magnus, let's go swimming, man.
-The water's so big.
-Just like deez nuts!
Come on, man, let's go.
Let's roll.
Yo, get in here.
Last man in...
♪♪
Ooh. Colder than I thought.
Go on.
-What? No.
You go.
-♪ I been stuck
in my head, soul again ♪
♪ I been losing
all my friends ♪
♪ But I keep on swimming ♪
♪ I just keep on swimming ♪
♪ I been thinking like that
again ♪
♪ They keep praying
I don't win ♪
♪ But I keep on swimming ♪
♪ I just keep on swimming ♪
-Ay, you did a good job,
little man,
swimming like that.
-Where's our stuff?
-Somehow, I don't feel like
this is part of the simulation.
Oh, my gosh.
-Dad, you -- you okay?
Breathe, Dad.
-I'm...
Wow.
I don't know.
Um...
you know what?
Are you still scared
of going swimming?
-Nope. I'm Gucci.
-Then I'm Gucci, too.
My wallet's in the truck.
Let's go get some ice cream.
-It's not that bad, right?
-Man, fuck those parents!
-Hey! Hey, man!
That icebox didn't do
a damn thing to you!
Hey, it still better get cold,
or this gonna be one
mad minister!
-You better shut the fuck up
before I come up there
and choke your ass out
with that Pee-wee Herman bowtie!
-Yeah!
This is great tea, by the way.
Oolong?
-Um, that's Vanilla Rooibos.
-Oh.
-Look, bruh, you dealt
with the fear part.
Okay, I mean, you swam
with your son,
and when your clothes got stole,
you were a soldier,
like the S1Ws,
or that young man that used
to date Beyoncé before Jay-Z.
But you didn't deal
with the anger.
-You right.
When you were talking about
those clothes being stole,
I just had fury and I wanted
to smash this tea set
and kick K in the fucking face.
-What I do?
-Nothing.
-And I'm angry at the sun
for what it did to me.
My lips and my eyes
are dark skinned.
-I'm glad you brought that up,
'cause I was thinking it
this whole time.
I suggest you find those parents
and let them know how you feel.
That's a good point.
-This is great.
And I can't be mad at the sun.
It's only 4.6 billion years old.
It's just a baby.
-Thanks, Charlie.
-Uh, that's Charles 15 X.
-You got it, 15.
-[ Chuckles ]
♪♪
-I'm a soldier, too.
And I used to be afraid
of clowns.
Now...
♪♪
I am the laughter.
-Hey, brother, we forgot
our dol...
ly.
-Yo, why the fuck
is Cameron ignoring me?
Okay, he was a weirdo
in high school.
-Right.
-He got bullied
and I protected him.
-Uh-huh.
-I did that.
-You protected him?
-Me. You know what?
I need to talk to him right now.
-Okay, I guess we're gonna
talk to him right now.
-Yeah, we talking
to him right now.
-Alright.
-Oh, goddamit,
shit, no, fuck it!
-Okay, why don't you
just go talk to him? Goddamn.
-Unh-uh. No, no, no.
I can't, okay?
Because it's like
100 fucking clowns in there
in that holding cell.
-It's not 100.
You're exaggerating. It's a lot.
-No, I'm not.
That's like, um, if I was scared
of sharks and you were like,
"Oh, why don't you just go
to SeaWorld, jump in the water?"
-Oh, well, see, first off,
there's no sharks at SeaWorld.
I think you're thinking
about orcas.
Now, they are mega-dangerous.
They hunt in packs.
They commit infanticide.
A bunch of orcas --
-See? I can't even say shit
without you
trying to be fucking smart.
-I wasn't trying to be smart.
-That's why everybody
hates you.
-They don't hate me.
-No, they fucking hate you,
Goodnight.
-They hate me?
They bust my balls.
They don't hate me.
-Fucking hate you!
-By the way,
that's the clown direction.
-Oh, gosh. Damn it!
-Yeah. Exactly. See?
♪♪
-Stop right here.
This is good.
-Y'all really gonna do this,
huh?
-Did you really steal a bunch
of kids' clothes
back in the day?
-How'd you guys find me?
-TikTok.
-Knew I should have made
that private.
Just wanted the attention.
-It's not personal.
I just need closure.
-Ah, well, deep down,
I knew this day would come.
You'll find Burt at the address
I gave you.
-Appreciate you. You ready?
-Hey, let me hit that thing.
-Hell naw.
-I deserve that.
Alright, see you soon,
Brenda Clutterbuck.
-Do it.
-Aaah!
Aaah!
-That's gonna cut him
up super bad.
-Yeah, no,
he'll learn his lesson.
-Hope so.
-♪ Girl, I wanna lick
every wrinkle on your body ♪
♪ Take you to the back
and make you my new hottie ♪
I see you, young sir.
Ooh.
Happy birthday, girl.
Mm. Ah.
Yeah. Let's get it.
And that's all they paid for.
Coming to the stage,
we got the Real Tough Outriders.
-Uh, that's Outsiders.
-Outsiders.
Sorry about that, fellas.
And what are your names?
-Simon.
-And I'm K.
-And what are you gonna be
doing for us today?
-Uh, may I?
-By all means, sir.
-Thank you very much.
First of all, I wanna say hello
to everyone here,
and big shout-out
to all the GMILFs in the room.
Look forward to talking
to you later.
Um, when I was a kid,
Mr. Rovner and his pals
stole clothes from me
and my entire swim team.
He's a goddamn monster.
But don't worry.
I'm here to beat his ass.
-Oh, I remember you.
I'm still wearing your socks,
bitch.
-You got any good
ass-whooping music?
-I thought you'd never ask.
Have a taste of this.
-♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
-Damn!
-Oh!
-[ Grunting ]
-Ooh.
-[ Laughs ]
-Ooh, shit. That hurt.
-It's crazy.
I'm scared of a lot of things,
man.
I'm scared of that tree
from "Poltergeist."
I'm scared
of undercooked chicken.
Um, quietly, on the low-low,
I'm scared of jail.
Totally terrified.
I'm so scared to spend
the night here.
You look afraid.
You know what?
Uh, we don't gotta do this
right now.
It's okay to chicken out.
Forget this.
Wanna get, uh, Harold's?
They got a special on, uh,
gizzards.
-No, no, no, no.
It's alright. It's alright.
Let's -- Let's just go.
Let's just go. Let's just go.
-Okay.
-Oh!
Well, what's going on,
plainface?
I guess we all
wearing wigs today.
[ Laughter ]
-Alright, alright, alright.
Hey! Alright, watch it.
Sit down.
Sit -- He's got a hot dog.
How'd you get that in here,
by the way?
Whoever has that horn,
it's not horn time.
-Look, Cameron,
I can get you out of here,
but you gotta talk to me first.
-Whoa.
-Okay.
You know, I was definitely
big sis in high school,
so I really don't know
why you giving me
so much attitude right now.
-Big sis?
-Yes.
-Is that what you think?
-Yes.
-You used to bully me, Zenobia.
-No.
Unh-uh. No, no, no, no.
Don't be changing
the narrative, boo-boo.
No, no, no.
-That is the narrative.
-No, no, no, no.
I pre-bullied you.
That was to toughen you up
before you had to deal with
the real bullies of the world,
that were way worse than me.
-You know, you know,
that's not how you're supposed
to talk to family.
You're rude,
and you're kind of cute,
so if you wanna let me go, too.
[ Laughs ]
-Shut up!
Wasn't nobody talking to you,
and I ain't letting you go.
[ Horn honks ]
-Alright, who honked it?
-Cameron.
-Yeah?
-Put the hat back on.
-You're being excessive.
-I'm being excessive?
Oh, you didn't bully me?
Okay.
I'm the one that taught you
how to beat your face, huh?
Then all you gonna sit up there
and do, turn around,
and steal my wig glue.
I didn't ask you for that.
-You can't even --
You can't even --
You can't even --
See, you have four toes on one
foot, six toes on the other.
-Well, that's --
-And I didn't ever say
anything about that.
-...something that you're not
supposed to tell anybody.
-Ooh, I never even talked
about your stutter
in high school.
It's --
Did I ever bring that up?
-That's it!
I got you!
Oh, shit.
I am...
Oh, there's blood in there.
-He just had that done, okay?
-I'm so sorry.
Can I put it back on?
-No!
-You were so mean!
-I was mean?
-Yes.
-I'm not mean.
-Why would you do
this right now?
I'm trying to have
a conversation!
-I told the truth,
and I got a smart-ass mouth,
but I am not mean.
-Have you met you?
-Goodnight! Goodnight!
-What do you want?
What?
-Tone. Am I mean?
-Tone?
-[ Laughs ]
Are you serious right now?
-[ Scoffs ]
-Is gravity real?
-Exactly.
-Hold on.
Let me test gravity.
Oh, what do you know?
It's real. Yeah, you are mean.
I seem to recall 10 full minutes
of deez nuts jokes,
just the other day.
-It was a joke.
It was just jokes.
It was funny.
-Who -- Who is it funny to?
Do we look like we're laughing?
Do these guys look like
they're laughing?
Huh?
You make fun of me,
you make fun of my wife,
you've abandoned me
countless times.
I have two parking tickets
because of you.
In fact, you told me
to go into Pegasus
and get you a gyro you could
write me the parking ticket.
-She wrote it?
'Cause ya mean.
-Stop touching my gun.
[ Horn squeaks ]
Alright?
You know, I'm sorry.
You know what?
Goddamn, that's bleeding.
Wallace!
-You know, you also be cutting
people off when they talk --
-Okay. You a lie.
And now y'all bullying me.
-Aw, look at her go, guys.
You know what?
You might be afraid of clowns,
but you the real monster.
-Success?
I don't know.
I mean, I found $20
in the street,
and I bought some sunglasses.
-Well, I also
faced my fear, too.
You know, I was like...
-She's on break.
I think that's what this means.
Alright.
-She gone?
-She's gone.
-Okay.
So, yesterday, I went over
to Delonte's house --
[ Bell rings ]
-Oh, hey, Q and Stacy.
Did y'all face y'all --
Mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Ooh, y'all sick.
What is that smell?
-Well, Stacy decided
not to face her skunk fear
at the last second.
I got pushed into
the line of fire.
-Plus, somebody called
the cops,
talking about they seen a clown,
so we had to run.
[ Siren wailing ]
-Okay, well, they gone now.
The coast is clear.
-That's cute, though.
I'm still fly.
-Alright, you is.
Q, ugh, ew.
Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.
-Mm.
-You need to take a bath
in some tomato sauce
and then wash that off
with vinegar,
and then rinse it off
with water,
and then add a little
Axe Body Spray on top.
-Nah. Too much work.
I got some ketchup packets
in my office.
Wait.
What happened to Kardell Sr.?
He don't never miss
no day of work.
Oh, that's true.
Oh, well, he did face his fear
of extreme parkour,
so he tried to get
from Hancock Center
over to 900 North Michigan
in just 10 jumps.
He fell on the ninth.
-Damn.
-No.
-Not Kardell Sr.
-Mm-hmm.
-Somebody should say
something, y'all.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, I'mma say something.
-Okay.
-Keisha, you on box breakdowns.
-Aw, hell naw.
-Sorry I'm late.
-Hey, looks like Goodnight hurt
himself turning double dutch.
[ Laughter ]
-Nah, he hurt himself
juggling clown balls.
Testes, I mean.
-Right.
-Oh, yeah. Funny.
-Turner.
-Mm.
-Come on.
I know you got a hot one.
I can see it on your face.
-Yeah, Turner,
you got a hot one?
-Go get you some.
-Man, forget Goodnight.
What about Officer Baby Hands
over here?
We know he ain't palming
no basketballs and no booties
with them little-ass hands.
[ Laughter ]
-So, that's why you never
shake hands, you creep.
Maybe you could hold my dick,
make it look bigger.
[ Laughter ]
-Over here eating apples
with two hands.
-This is for a fallen soldier,
Kardell Sr.
I wish I had gotten
to know that guy.
-Who?
-Oh.
-What in the fuck?
♪♪
-Round two, bitch.
♪♪
♪♪
[ All grunting ]
♪♪
-♪ Oh ♪
♪♪
♪ Get it ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Get it ♪
♪♪
♪♪