South Side (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Turner's and Brenda's Day Off - full transcript

♪♪

♪♪

-Can't blame this one on the
wind-chill factor, Hammersmith.

I'm calling this in.

♪♪

-[ Sniffs ]

Chick-O-Stick.

No me digas.

-We got another Jamal Sanchez.

Looks like Dino's playing a game
of, uh, cat-and-mouse.

-Only question is,
are we the gato,



or are we the...

uh...

Shit. I'm sorry.
Can we cut?

I just --
I can see this guy's sweating.

-I'm sorry.
Is it me?

-No. No, no, no, no, no.
No, you're fine, man.

You guys are great.
You guys are --

I'm vibing off everything
you guys are giving me.

-Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

-No. It's makeup's fault,
you know?

It's wardrobe.
It's scheduling.

It's fucking locations.

It's fucking this fucking guy.
Would you mind?!

-It's a single on you, Pat.



They can't see the sweat.
-Okay.

-Your brains look awesome,
by the way.

-But I can see it.
-Really?

I thought they were
a little more ooze-tastic

in the first take.
-My character can see it.

-Your character.
Yeah.

-And Detective Hammersmith
cannot solve crime in a world

that does not depend on logic!

-Cut! Cut!
-Great, it's fuckin' me again.

Okay.
-Fucking guy.

-Okay, so, my girl Bren-Bren
up here shooting.

-Right, right, right.
-I'mma just run in real quick

and say hey.
-Nah, it's fine.

Let's definitely take time
away from duty

so you can visit
your celebrity friend at work.

[British accent] You know, just
pop on over for a chat, innit?

Have some tea
and stromp-- crompets.

-Stop.
-Strumpets?

-Look. They got free food.
-[ Normal voice ] Oh, yeah?

-Good-ass food.
-Yeah?

-Yeah.
You ever tried hamantaschen?

-Never even heard
of hamantaschen.

-Exactly. Yes.
-Sounds good.

Hey, 10 minutes, right?
-Yeah, yeah.

-Hey. So, I'm not doing
another interview,

so you might
as well just hang up.

Hang up. Mm-hmm.
-Sides.

-You fired, skank!

-What?
-I'm just playin'.

She always cryin',
but I always just be playin'.

-Mm-hmm.

-Oh, wait, is that that new
Off-White?

-Um, I don't know.
Probably.

-Do you mind if I just take --
Okay.

-Yeah, there's a bunch
of stuff over there.

Help yourself.

-Yo. Yes.

This is that Virgil.

Damn, Brenda, you living living.

No, no, no.
Fuck living.

You out here thriving.

-Uh-huh.
Hey, Amy.

Can you go make her
some of that caramelized bacon?

And sprinkle some of that
protein powder on that for her.

For the glutes.
Yeah.

Actually, everybody,
can we have the room, please?

Thank you!

-Okay.
-Yeah.

-Except Rukey.
You can stay.

-Stunt bae.

Are my dogs good?
Is there a problem?

-Oh, no, no, no.
I'm sorry.

I was just, nah --
I'm here for you.

And your dogs.
They're good.

-Great. Great.

So, after you get them...
-Mm-hmm?

-...um, can you stop by my place
and screw in my new shower head?

Um, but can you first go buy me
a new shower head?

'Cause I'm not gonna do it.
-Of course.

-Yeah. Thank you.

[ Knock on door ]

-Hey, girl, it's Olivia again.

-They always send her
to deal with me.

They're smart.

She was actually too old
to even get this job.

But they needed somebody
I wouldn't cuss out.

So they hired a Black lady.
Assholes.

[ Knock on door ]
-You gon' get that?

-Hey.
I got an idea.

-What?

-Hey, Rukey, can you put
your earbuds in, please?

Thank you.
-Is she -- she really doing it?

That's crazy.
-Yeah. She cool.

You good? Okay.

Um, let's ditch set.

I'm trying to be out
in the world today.

-Why?
Why would you want to leave?

Everything is so much better
and richer in here.

-Oh!
-Moshi moshi!

-Japanese toilet?

Now, if a man used one of those,

yeah, I could see
eating his booty hole.

-Girl, I feel like the walls
are closing in on me today

and I'm going
a little stir crazy.

And I'm suffocating, okay?

Can't you ditch work
for a few hours?

Like, we never get to hang out.

I know you want to.
We gonna go have a good time.

We gon' kick it.
We gon' hang out.

Who you textin'?
-My partner.

"Gotta bounce.
My eye is loose."

Alright, bitch.
Let's mount up.

-Yeah!
Hey.

You can take 'em out.

So, you probably think that
I'm really spoiled, right?

But I worked my ass off to get
to where I am, and I need this.

I need a break.

And plus?

It's been like a whole week
since I pushed any boundaries.

Okay, cute bob.
I see you.

Girl, you can borrow
my wigs any day.

You look good.

-Thank you!
Let's get it.

Operation: Bad Bitches
Take the Streets.

-They won't even know we gone.
-Ha!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Engine starts ]

-♪ I was born
on the South Side ♪

♪ I was raised
on the South Side ♪

♪ Everybody stick together
like we in a line ♪

♪ 'Cause it ain't no side
like the South Side ♪

♪ On the South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪

-What is that, Devo?

-No, I think it's Art Of Noise.

-It was Yello.

-Ohh, yeah!
-Ohh, yeah!

-You know,
I started as an extra.

I got nothin' but respect
for you guys.

-Really?

-You guys doin'
all the Chicago shows?

You doin' "EMT"?
You doin' "Urgent Care"?

You doin' "Irish and Angry"?

-I gotta be honest
with you, Pat.

We don't know
any of those shows.

-Yeah, we work shitty day jobs,
but we got big dreams.

-Plus, the acting industry

is the only one
that can't be automated.

So we're doin' a little bit
of recon.

-Whoa, buddy.
You have no idea.

Computers nowadays, man?

No, next season,
I could be replaced by some dude

in a black Lycra suit
covered in Ping-Pong balls.

I've seen it.
-Are we gonna shoot soon?

I don't wanna fall out
of character.

-Oh, I have no idea.

We're still on a "Brenda Break."

After she locks
that trailer door,

it could be anywhere
from 10 minutes to 2 hours.

So I-I'd say smoke 'em
if you got 'em, you know?

-He said smoke 'em.

Hey, you think he's cool?
-He -- He seems like it.

-I hope we do this soon.
-You know, you're good, man.

You know, I think you know
this character.

It's like it's --
It's like it's in you.

-It's not just that.

My novel is being read
at a book club today.

-You're an actor and a writer?

Ooh, we got ourselves a regular
Eric Bogosian, here.

-Love that guy.

He played Travis Dane
in "Under Siege 2."

-I just read the book.

-You guys are "Siege" heads?
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Oh, that's fuckin' it.

Okay, you know what your friend
Pat's gonna do.

Pat's gonna make book club
happen here.

-For real?

-Awesome.
-Fozzie?

-That's love.
-Yeah.

I have one right here.

-♪ On the beat ♪

♪ I'm lovin' it ♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I feel like I just
don't really, like, look up.

Oh, my God, that's so cute!

♪♪

-Hey, man.

Hey, do you guys have any
Parmesan cheese back there?

I'll take the -- the big flake
version if you have it.

It's kind of more classic.
Oh!

Ooh, hey, hey, let me get
some of that Reynolds Wrap.

Yeah, that's right --
One sec. One sec.

-Put that slice down.
Where is your partner?

I know they're together.

They gon' fire me
if I don't find her.

Put the slice down!
-Oh, sorry.

Uh, hi? Alessandro Goodnight.
Can I help you?

-Olivia. I'm a P.A.
-You're a P.A.?

-Yeah.
-Oh.

I thought P.A.s were usually
kind of on the --

you know, fresh out of college,
kind of a younger-y kind of --

I mean, you seem like
you've lived. That's all.

-Okay, well, I'm a late bloomer.
Get off my dick!

-Oh, sorry.
Getting off your dick.

And I'm off of it.
Can I help you?

-Where's your
motherfucking partner?

-Right, yeah.
Let me -- Just one second here.

Let's see what
we got going here.

I'mma check the old Samsung
Galaxy 8, see if she's, uh...

Oh, you know what?
She texted me.

We got our first clue.
Let's see what it says.

Uh, "Had to bounce.
My eye is loose."

Wow.

She has no respect
for my intelligence.

Like, none. You know, every time
I think to myself,

"Can I still be offended
by that...monster?"

She's a -- She's a monster.
-So's Brenda.

Everybody on the show
is her personal assistant.

Man.
I think they ditched set.

-Yup, yup, just Googled it.

Loose eyeball.
Zero entries.

Okay, you know what?

Let's find them.
Can you leave?

-Yeah, but can you drive?

-Yeah, I got my driver's
license when I was like 15.

Come on.
-Okay, cool.

Look, I know about five places
she could go.

-Let's go.

[ Crowd cheering ]

-Beulah?

Beulah?

Somebody named Beulah order
a sock full of fries?

I know.
It ain't right.

They don't fill 'em up
like they used to.

Used to be you could get fries
all the way down into the toes.

Mm.

-See you later, girl.
-Turner!

Sergeant Turner!

You out here serving the people,
girl?!

-Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
Shh!

-Hey, Turner!
-Hey.

Oh, uh, Keisha,
this my girl, Brenda.

-What up, Keisha?

-You Brenda Cole?!

"Chicago Shields"!

Hey, Nene!
Hey, Nene!

-Keisha, shut the fuck up.
-Okay. Never mind, Nene.

-No. No, thank you, Nene.
Damn, Keisha.

-Hey.
-Hey.

-Hi.
My name is Keisha.

Keisha Cole.

I'm just kiddin'.
-Calm down, Thirsty.

-I understand. You right.
My bad.

-Thank you.

-What y'all doing up here?
-Oh, um, well, you know...

-Chillin'.

-...me and Brenda,
we just taking the day off.

Doing hoodrat things
with our friends.

Gang gang.
-Gang gang.

-Dang.
I am so jealous.

-Keisha, we're gettin'
backed up on Sox fries.

-And, um --
And that's why we, um --

-She and I --
-That's why we came here,

to tell you -- you,

Big Momma died, girl.

It was so sudden.

So, unfortunately,
you gotta come with us

right now to identify this body.

-They had shot her up real bad.

-Real bad. Arms.

-Swiss cheese.
-Man, this city is savage.

If it's a choice between grief
and nothingness,

then I choose grief.
-Mm.

-Mm.
-You're a beautiful man, boss.

Thank you for your warmth
and compassion.

-K-Keisha?

Y'all got it?
-Yeah, we got it.

We gon' take care of her, okay?

We gon' take care of her.
-Oh, Brenda, you so pretty.

-Fuck it up, fuck it up,
fuck it up.

-So, that's how
that family does it?

Respect. Next!

-Thank y'all for coming
to book club.

Today's book -- "Web of Stars,
Saga One, Quantum Tunnel."

A story about Shaheer,
a lonely space miner

stuck on a dead-end rock

with dreams of being
a hero one day.

-Thank you, Bluto.

This is from Chapter 2,
"The Quickening."

"You've got to shut down
those vents!"

Karin shouted from
her vox implants.

Shaheer stared at the
neophosphorescent plasma

leaking all over the concourse.

And then he froze.

Froze like a goddamn megalovore
in a hydro-glacier.

But then he got unfrozen.

He got to work.

-Bars!

-Hearing your voice do it
brought the whole thing to life.

I could actually see
the space leeches.

I could feel them
sucking on my back.

Their tendrils tickle.

-Let me just go ahead
and dive in.

I didn't like Shaheer's
"sub-human"

identical doppelganger.

I mean, he's evil, he's ugly,
his girlfriend

is deeply unhappy
with his penis.

Every fight he gets in to,
he gets the "green shit"

beat out of him.

A good villain is supposed to be
the hero of his own story,

but this guy is
a disappointment to himself.

I mean, his catchphrase is,
"Why am I so wack?"

-Yeah.
It's like -- It's like the book

was really trying
for something cool,

and I-I was rooting for it.

I was rooting for it to get
there, to get there, like...

It just -- It just never
got there for me.

-It's okay.
This is my first major novel,

and I'm open
to constructive criticism.

Steel sharpens steel.
-This is my third read.

I'm -- I'm still seeing
new colors.

Like, I didn't realize
till just now

that it's the Dyson Sphere
on Blake's World

that's powering
the tremor grenades.

-Dude!
-Dude, those tremor grenades?

So good.

-Hey, babies, you look amazing.

Get on in there, okay?

-That's cute, though.

-Hi.

We'd like a table
for three, please.

-Oh, we're a members-only club.

-Oh, you must not know
who this is.

-He must not.
He must not.

-At all.
-Mnh-mnh.

-Mnh-mnh.
-'Cause this is Sia.

-Ha!
-Mm-hmm. Yep.

-Um, so, no disrespect,
Miss Sox Sausages,

but I'm afraid it is not.

-Who is your manager?
-Well, Lisa is on break.

I can help you.
But I don't have to help you

because that is
obviously not Sia.

-What?
-This ain't Sia?

-No.
-Who is it then?

-Well, Sia is Caucasian,
first of all.

-Mm. They still spreading
those white lies?

-White lies.
-You know what?

-Here you go, ma'am.
-I can't -- I can't see that.

-What?!
-Oh, hey, Tiffany.

New hair, don't care.
Yes, gawd.

-Bring it down.
Listen.

You just one of them people
that believe

anything you see
on the Internet, huh?

-Absolutely, yes.

-Well, it's all part
of our ruse, sir.

-Mm-hmm.

-It took us six years to find
the most perfect, basic,

average-looking white lady.

Her real name's actually Sarah,
and she's a nice chick,

but Sia is not white, okay?
-Mnh-mnh.

-Do you listen to her music?

That is the voice of a powerful

and strong, soulful
Black woman.

[ Telephone rings ]
-I need a sec. Thank you.

-Take two, take two.

-Sosi House.
How can I help you?

-Hello.
This is Russell.

I need to speak
to Lisa immediately.

It's urgent.
-Oh, well, Lisa's on break.

I can help you, though.
-You don't get it.

Fuck! Okay?
Just listen.

I am the assistant
to Kate Furler.

You may know her
by her stage name.

It's Sia.
She's on her way

to you right now,
and she's very temperamental.

-Okay, well, in that case,

we'll be happy
to accommodate her.

Um, just so that I can
locate her immediately,

could please you
describe her for me?

-Sure, but keep it on the low,
but she Black.

Light-skinned
but definitely Black.

Blonde bob, see-through
booty-out jumpsuit.

-Uh, thank you so much,
Russell.

-This here is one
of Brenda's spots.

-Yeah?
-Sia!

I am so sorry for the mix-up.
-Are you?

-We're gonna give you
our best table.

Uh, Marcus?
-Marcus? Unh-unh.

-Uh, what name would you
like him to have?

-Matthew.

-Marcus, your name is Matthew
now. Get them a table.

-Yeah.
-I'm so sorry.

-And we order
two sets of wings.

-Absolutely, yes.
-Lemon pepper side.

-"Cheap Thrills"
was my shit, girl!

-Thank God I paid the meter
just in time, I think!

$12 for 8 minutes?
-Shit.

-This is one of Brenda's spots.

-Great.
-Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.

It's members only,
and I'm not a member.

-I'm a cop.
I'm a member of everything.

Hey, hey!

Uh, I need to get in here
right now.

-Okay, do you have a --
a warrant?

-Ha, warrant.
That's funny.

Good band.

"Cherry Pie," right?

No, I don't have that, uh,

but there are two women in here
who are fugitives from the law.

So go ahead and let me in so
I can get that going, and --

and everybody can be safer.

Safer at the Sosi House.

-Burgers?

-Thank you, no, I'm straight.

-I meant, are you in here
for the burgers?

They have the
Au Cheval burger here.

-Why are you here?
-Burgers.

You'd think they'd let me in.
I am an alderman.

But I guess that titles
don't matter here at Sosi House!

-Listen, I am so sick of you
"Chicago Shields" extras

sliding your greasy,
no-count asses in here

pretending like you're CPD,
okay?

-You consider me greasy?
-Yes, a little bit.

-I just walked up
a lot of stairs, sir, okay?

-Okay, I understand that.

I didn't design
the building, sir.

-I didn't love that word.

And I don't think
an African-American,

which I assume you are --

or you could be Cuban,
perhaps Dominican, from Panama.

-I'm African-American.
-African-American?

-Yes.
-People from the South?

-Yes.
-Guess what.

My people are also
from the South.

-I guess they don't care
about brothers

being on the wall, either.

Sad there ain't no brothers
on the wall.

-I don't get it.

-Uh, "Do The Right Thing"?

-I'm sorry.
Is that a TV show?

-No, it's -- it's a movie.

-Who directed it?

-Spike Lee.
-Oh.

Yeah, uh, I thought...

I like Spike Lee.

I'm more of a "Clockers" guy.

-This is a very
important situation.

What about -- Uh-oh.
-No.

-What if I did this?
-Sir, no. No.

Sir, sir, please, sir.
-What about this right here?

All of a sudden,
I can just move this way.

-I can't handle this today.
-I can't handle it, either.

I -- Jessica!
That's my friend.

Jessie, yo!
Can I be your plus, uh, one?

Girl, you crazy.
She so crazy.

-Please stop harassing
our guests.

-She has a hearing thing, okay?
Are you happy?

-Brenda just posted a pic on IG
with the caption

"Super sick,
just resting up in my trailer."

And now the hashtag
#savebrenda is trending.

-Ohh!
-Aw!

-That woman is not sick.
-Oh.

-But you just liked the photo.

-Well, the last time
I didn't like a photo,

I lost an entire
page of dialogue.

And then she said --
she said some shit

about, like, how I was acting

"too tall and like being
imperious over her,"

and now I'm in a wheelchair
for the next three episodes.

-That's crazy.
You know what else is crazy?

How good K's book is.

-Okay, this is something that's
not necessarily in the book,

but as I was reading it,
I was wondering, like,

is Shaheer blind?

'Cause there were some parts
where I was reading

and I'm like like,
"Oh, he can't see."

-Shit, I wish I was
blind reading this book.

-Fuck you, Jay-Mal!
-Hey, hey, hey.

-Face it.
We're dancing around the truth.

The book fucking sucks.

-This is literature.

And I still can't get over
those tremor grenades.

They are fantastic.
Am I right?

-They're pretty cool.

-You sure are harping a lot
on those tremor grenades.

What else did you like, Simon?

-Well, I'm glad
you asked that question.

I...
-Did you even read the book?

-Yeah.
Yeah, I read it.

I meant to read it, you know?

Here, fuck it.

I owe you one.
I owe you one full book read.

We good?

-Ooh, shit,
they finna break up.

-Don't ever touch me.

-They finna break up.

-We good?

-Tandem bike riding
never really works out.

-Why?
-It broke my grandparents up.

They divorced, like,
mid-tandem, like...

-Wow.
-Oh, shit, that's crazy.

-That's --
That's wild as hell, man.

-I know.
My family's wild.

-Is that motherfuckin' Stacy?

Who she with?

Stacy!

Bitch, why we ducking?

-That's my C.O.
-What the --

-My boss.
I'm supposed to be working.

-Bitch, why we ducking?

-You think they saw us?

-I don't think so.

Um, I forgot to mention
this at breakfast.

I think I need help
with my August rent, too.

-That's what I'm here for.

-And September and October.
And, like, all next year.

Actually, yeah, all next year.
-God, that's hot.

-Maybe I've been going
at this wrong the whole time.

You know, I'm --
I'm too uptight.

I should have a more
of a devil-may-care attitude

like Brenda.
You know, just get lost.

And dive right into
that stranger's biz.

-Meanwhile...

-"Save Brenda"?

-Yeah.
-That bitch ain't sick!

-Let me tell you something,
Liv.

Brenda thinks you're a stupid,
stupid bitch.

-Yes, she does.
-Yes, she does.

Come on, man.
We can't give up right now.

Ain't no reason in hell
we should still be here pounding

the pavement and working
while they out there having fun.

That shit ain't fair.

♪♪

-♪ I can't sleep at night ♪

♪ 'Cause they won't see me ♪

♪ Running from the daylight ♪

♪ To where she keeps me ♪

♪ And when the sun rises ♪

♪ She watches over me ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Waiting for the daylight ♪

♪ 'Cause then she'll keep me ♪

♪ In the safety of her arms ♪

♪ She never leaves me ♪

♪ And when the sun rises ♪

♪ She watches over me ♪

-♪ He tells me all his secrets ♪

♪ He thinks nobody knows ♪

♪ We lay together in daylight ♪

♪ I love him so ♪

♪ And when the sun rises ♪

♪ He watches over me ♪

-♪ I'm Keisha, I'm Keisha ♪

♪ It's really,
really nice to meet ya ♪

♪ I'm 5'6", got a 5-6 shoes ♪

♪ When it comes to baby daddies,
I like to choose ♪

♪ My home girl,
she's muy linda ♪

♪ I'mma pass the mic
to Brenda! ♪

-Okay.
B-Brenda.

That's my name.
Hey, hey.

♪ My name is Brenda,
I'm filthy rich ♪

♪ I don't want no kids
'cause I'm that...bitch ♪

-Whoa!
-Whoa!

-But don't say that word,
don't say that word.

Okay, I'm gonna pass it
to Turner.

Don't say that word.

-Okay, okay, okay.

♪ My name is Turner,
and I keep a burner ♪

♪ Gotta keep it on me
'cause I'm a top earner ♪

♪ And now I'm rappin',
I'm never cappin' ♪

♪ I'm knee slappin' ♪

♪ And if I test you, then I will
best you and then arrest you ♪

♪ No, that's not true ♪

-Ohh!
-Ohh!

-They're not respecting...

-You sure had enough time
to need enough big-ass...

-You got a lot of free time
on your hands.

-Nobody got time for that!
-There's a lot of shit

I haven't read
that I still love.

Like "Under Siege 2."
-You haven't even read that?

If Steven Seagal was here, he
would karate-chop you so slow.

-Enter!

Sushi two days in a row, huh?

No, that's great.
Leave it.

[ Sighs ]

-Okay, if I may.

It's a great first effort.

I enjoyed it.
-Thank you.

-But there are few
small logical inconsistencies.

-Yeah? Name one.

I mean, name one
if you got time.

-Okay. The single-person
aircraft that Shaheer pilots

in the climatic battle
at Vaharanda.

Your character has his dominant
arm chewed off

by the space leeches,
he hadn't slept in 32 hours

and was high as a mug
on OG space kush.

There's no way he could maneuver
an asteroid field in battle.

-Well, then I'm fucked
'cause if you don't buy that,

then you don't buy
the whole second half.

-I don't buy any of it.

Give up, K.
Let this dream go.

-Never that, biscuits!
-Like you care.

-Yo, I care.
-I believe you.

-"And those three planets
were never even there."

-Hmm.

-Okay, here's my take.

K, this is a great book...
because of its flaws.

Every great work of literary
fiction has got something,

has got some component
that doesn't really make sense.

Like, for example, uh,
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off" --

greatest movie ever made.

-Clearly you haven't seen
"Spy Kids."

-Shut up, Jay-Mal.

-When Ferris goes
to pick up Sloane,

he's standing there
in a trench coat and a hat,

and Rooney
doesn't recognize him.

-Hmm.
-Rooney, who is obsessed

with Ferris,
does not recognize him.

It's a massive plot hole.

But without Ferris pretending
to be Sloane's father,

without that flawed scene,
you don't get the Ferrari.

And without the Ferrari,
you don't get that --

that great last scene.

-Damn!
That is so true. Whew!

-Have you seen
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off"?

-Uhh...

-She has a nice place.
-Yeah. It's nice.

-Really nice.

[ Doorbell rings ]
Wow, it's open.

-Some security.

[ Doorbell rings ]

-Hello?
-Oh.

Hey, Brenda!
Can you open this door?

-Uh, I can't come to the door
right now.

I'm not in my trailer,
in case you were wondering.

I'm upstairs in my bed,
super sick.

Thank you for your concern,

and hopefully I can make it
to work tomorrow.

-What are you doing?
Um, okay.

-Brenda?

Brenda, you stupid slut!

Yeah, no, she ain't here.
-Oh.

You have her door code?
-Yeah.

Half the people on set
have her door code.

-That's not really safe.
-Half the people

on the Chicago Bears
have her door code.

The bottom half,
if know what I mean.

-Oh, like the worst 26 players?

-Uh, yeah. Sure.
-Okay.

Hey, uh, that pineapple
is not really sitting right.

You know where I could just, uh,
go drop off the Browns

at the Super Bowl?
-Oh, uh, yeah.

Why don't you, uh,
use the master bath?

It's gorgeous.
-Are you sure?

Is it, like, nice up there?
'Cause the thing is,

I got to take the vest off,
the pants off.

The -- The -- The tactical boots
gotta come off.

I got the socks on.

The socks actually have grip
on 'em, so that kinda helps me

when I wanna, like, you know,
get some traction.

-Well, the bitch
is at my house.

Guess we gotta head back soon.

Hey, can we do one more thing?

-Like what?
I mean, I'm in.

Just tell us.

-Turner, I wanna
arrest somebody.

-What? Why?

-'Cause I pretend
to be a cop every day.

I want to know what the shit
actually feels like.

-It's terrible.

Ugh, girl,
it's a lot of paperwork.

Nobody likes you.
I don't even like my job, okay?

This is supposed to be
my day off, too.

Shoot.
-Ooh!

I know somebody breaking
the law right now.

-There you go, sweetie.

There you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brenda?

-Cole.

-[ Grunts ]
-Hey, there's doughnuts!

Oh, hi.
-[ Gasps ]

[ Grunting ]

-Did you...

-He's with me.

-♪ Yuh, left hand whip,
right hand whip ♪

♪ Left hand whip,
right hand whip ♪

♪ Left hand whip, right hand ♪

-You know you up
on the curb, right?

-Boom boom, baby.

-Oh, shit!

She's doing the catchphrase!

-Brenda Cole!

-Dang, why are you so loud?
Stop!

-I'm getting arrested
by Brenda Cole!

-Ma'am, ma'am,
I'm arresting you today

because you pretending
to be a travel nurse

when we all know
you the Cat Burglar of Beverly.

-Yeah.
-Why you even wearing that?

-Oh, my God!
-Hey, why are you so loud?

-I'm getting arrested by a star!

Niggas, we don' made it!
-Hey. Hey!

Hey, okay, I'mma let you go
with a warning, okay?

-You sure you wanna do that?

-I don't, but you --
you so loud.

-Can we take a selfie?
-Oh, my God. Get out of --

-I want to take a selfie or s--
-No, no. Go. Ugh.

-I been arrested
by Brenda Cole!

Man, I'm telling you, cat
burgling done finally paid off!

-Wasn't as fun as you thought
it was gonna be, huh?

-Am I fake?

-Well, I just met you, but, no.

-Well, my brother
called me fake

when we was arguing yesterday.

Talking 'bout I've changed
or something.

I don't know.
-You probably did change.

You was a little poor girl
from East Side Detroit,

and now you rich.
But ain't that the point?

Ain't nobody working this hard
to stay the same.

Besides, you gonna let somebody
tell you who the fuck you are?

'Cause I thought
you was that bitch.

-That bitch.
-Is you that bitch?

-That bitch!
-Is you that bitch?

-That bitch!
-I'm that bitch.

I'm that bitch.
-Brenda Cole is that bitch!

-He's just trying
to tear me down.

'Cause I can afford shit.
-Mm-hmm.

-I don't even need
any of this shit.

-Nope.
-I don't give a fuck about it.

-Nope.
-Fuck it up!

-Not these parties.
-Fuck, no.

-Not this free shit.
-Well...

-People kissin' my ass
all day long.

Can I get some
real people around me?

-Fuck them blood-sucking
ass hoes.

-The fender, all that shit.

Kick all that, okay.
Alright, now.

-I got family coming at me
all day for no reason at all.

And this car?

Don't even care about it.

-Shit.
-Unh!

[ Glass shatters ]

-Whoa.
-Ohh, Brenda.

Brenda, Brenda, Brenda!
Keisha!

-Turner!
Ahhhh!

Aah, no, don't!

Look out, Jesus!
[ Car crashes ]

♪ I got you stuck in my mind ♪

♪ Poster girl, I want you
to be mine ♪

♪ Figment of my imagination ♪

♪ You're no less of a creation ♪

-Warm gummy bear?

-♪ I got you stuck in my mind ♪

-Ughhhhhh.
-Ohh. Seriously, seriously.

Hey, hey, you okay?

My bad, my bad.

-Well, I feel like maybe

I might feel some pain
a little later.

But I also feel like maybe,
just give me this car.

-Okay.
Um, I don't need it.

It's yours.

You got it.
It's -- Yep.

It's all you.
-Ohh.

-Girl, look, you definitely

don't have to worry
about being fake

'cause this was
some real-ass shit.

-I'm the realest bitch I know.

-Well, actually, that's me,
but you is a close second.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-Alright.
-Absolutely.

-Okay.

-The rear linkage
is still intact.

Mm-hmm.
It still drives.

I'm definitely gonna
take this car.

-Okay.
-O-Okay.

-I'm sick of looking for her
all over the goddamn pla--

Hey!
-Are they ready for me?

-Uh...

I...
-Uh, can you go find out?

[ Door closes ]

-"The countries of East Africa

divide into two distinct
cultural regions.

The Sudan and the Horn nations
have been influenced

by the Middle East."
I knew that.

-♪ They said burn ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ They said ♪

♪♪

♪ They said ♪

♪♪

♪ They said ♪
-♪ Burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn, burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn ♪