South Park (1997–…): Season 24, Episode 1 - The Pandemic Special - full transcript
Randy comes to terms with his role in the COVID-19 outbreak as the pandemic presents challenges to the citizens of South Park. The kids happily return to school, but nothing resembles the normal they once knew.
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Hey, Dad, you think maybe we
could go to Build-A-Bear today?
Butters, for the last time,
you can't go to Build-A-Bear.
But they said they were
open again, so I...
Yes, they're open, but we
are not the Johnsons,
and we do not go to
non-essential businesses
when it's non-essential!
Hey, do you people mind?!
You're supposed to wear
your mask over your nose.
Looks like you're wearing
a diaper for your chin.
Chin diapers don't help.
What the?
What's going on now?!
Something at the town square!
Everyone's gathering!
Well, are we protesting,
or are we rioting?
No, no. It's something to do
with the pandemic!
Something big's going on.
Stay here, Butters.
Hey, everybody.
Can everyone hear me okay?
Thanks for turning out,
everyone.
You know, we've all been through
a lot these past several months.
We've shut down, and people
have lost their businesses,
lost their livelihoods.
I also own a small business.
I sell weed.
And I have to say I...
I'm actually doing pretty good.
Amazing, really.
Tegridy Farms' weed has seen
a 400% increase in sales
since the shutdown in March.
I see Thomas Turner out there.
Thomas opened a restaurant
in SoDoSoPa.
Doesn't seem like such a good
idea now, does it, Turner?
And there's Marley Jarvis,
who owned and operated
her own tanning salon.
Whoops.
But I can't just stand here
and gloat
because Tegridy Weed
is about giving back to people.
And that's why I'm very proud
to announce
that Tegridy Weed is having
a Pandemic Special!
An all-new hybrid
of our best weed
sold at nearly 10% off
our usual price.
Not only that, but when you buy
three pounds or more
of the Pandemic Special,
you get a complimentary
Pandemic 2020 bong.
We are a community.
Let's all be together
with Tegridy.
I think people
are really excited.
What do you think?
A Pandemic Special, Randy?
Really?
What?
People are hurting.
People are dying, Randy.
And all you can think about
is making a special about it?
I'm doing something positive
to try and help.
People really need this
right now.
You are a child, Randy!
These are very serious times,
and nobody wants
or cares about your
stupid special right now!
We'll see if they
like my special.
♪♪
♪♪
Wow!
♪ Another day inside,
don't have to do a thing ♪
♪ I love you,
social distancing ♪
♪ No one's around,
no one's talking to me ♪
♪ Social distancing, I'm free ♪
♪ Don't have to brush my teeth
or shower ♪
For what?
♪ I can sit on the toilet
for hours ♪
As long as I want!
♪ 'Cause no one's saying to me ♪
♪ You kids should get outside
and do something ♪
Oh! 9:00 a.m. Time for school!
♪♪
Good morning, guys.
Everyone ready to start school?
- Good morning!
- Hi!
Hello! - I'm... I'm here!
Okay, I think we're all here.
I see Jimmy and Clyde
are on now.
Eric, are you there?
Yes, Teacher, I'm here!
I can't wait to start
schoo... schoo...
Schoo... eh... eh...
Oh, no, Eric, I think your
computer is freezing up again.
Oh, no. Really?
Can you guys hear me?
I just said... Eh.
Eh. Eh. Eh.
Eric, you'll just have to
listen again, okay?
Best you can.
So let's start today, guys,
by going over yesterday's
grammar examples.
Wendy, can you read
the first one?
♪ I'm cut off from the world ♪
♪ Isolated, alone ♪
♪ This is what I call
existancing ♪
♪ No one can touch me
or boss me around ♪
♪ Social distancing ♪
Eric, aren't you supposed to
be on your Zoom call?
♪ Stay away from me, Mom, yeah ♪
♪ You got to keep
your social distance ♪
♪ 'Cause all I'm gonna do
is sing ♪
♪ About how much I love you
and I need you ♪
♪ Social distancing ♪
Sweetie, I know these
are challenging times.
♪ Yeah, social distancing, Mom ♪
But we all still have to
try and do our work.
Computer keeps freezing, Mom.
Maybe if you were
an essential worker,
we could afford faster Internet.
I at least need you to get some
of your homework done, okay?
And then m-maybe take a shower.
Oh, what a folly a shower seems
when my generation is
being denied their lives!
I can't see my friends.
I can't even go to school.
How I miss Kyle.
Heh heh heh heh.
Sweetie, it's all
going to be over soon.
They're actually talking
about school opening up again
in a few days!
What the fuck
are you talking about?
There's going to be
a big meeting.
Sounds like they're trying to
get you kids back to school!
We can't go back to school.
There's a fucking pandemic!
But they're talking about
maybe staggering you kids
every other day...
They can't do that!
Eric, you're going to be able
to be with all
the other kids again!
Oh, no, I see! There's all
this horrible stuff going on
in the world, but apparently
Cartman's life doesn't matter!
- Eric, you can't...
- Ahp! Get back! Get back!
Six feet, Mom! Six fucking feet!
♪♪
Okay. Thank you very much!
Hope you enjoy
the Pandemic Special!
Hi! You here for the special?
Here you go.
How was school, Stanley?
It's not school.
It's a frickin' joke.
We're not even
learning anything.
I know this has all been
really hard on you, Stanley.
Do you want to talk about it?
No. I'm fine, Mom.
You know, I'm strong.
I'm just worried about
how this all affecting
weaker kids like...
You know, like Butters.
Yeah. Well, it's nice
you care about your friend.
But if you need to talk...
I know this is really hard
on everyone.
Well, that's it, guys.
We have run out of weed
for the day.
Oh, hang on. Sorry.
Uh, didn't somebody say
the Pandemic Special
was a bad idea?
I wasn't saying
you wouldn't make money.
I was saying maybe that's not
what should matter right now.
Oh, come on. Think about it.
Do you even know anyone
personally who's dying of COVID?
Yes! My brother Jimbo,
who is in the hospital!
Yeah. Uncle Jimbo.
Jimbo's a fat alcoholic
who'd be in the hospital anyway.
All I'm saying
is that we can't let
some dirty virus from "China"
completely upend our lives
and shut us down!
Please do not quote the
President in front of our child!
Sharon, I went to China.
Remember? Last season?
I went there to sell our weed,
and I ended up hanging out
with Disney and Mickey Mouse.
You remember all that?
I know what China's like.
Doesn't surprise me
all this shit came from there.
We're going
back to school!
What?
They're gonna let us
go back to school!
The Park County
School District is holding
an all-parent meeting tomorrow,
and officials are hopeful
that students can return
to school on Monday.
Oh, that's great!
Oh, I don't know
if this is a good idea.
The openings
come on the heels of news
that scientists are getting
closer to finding the origins
of the COVID pandemic.
Y-Yes, we've been able
to trace the virus
and confirm that it did,
in fact, come from
a seedy part of China.
Ha! Told ya!
And, in fact,
we've pinpointed the virus
to a certain bat in Wuhan.
A bat in Wuhan?
What we still
don't understand is,
how did a transmitted disease
get from a bat to a human?
How can a virus jump
species like that?
We just don't know.
♪♪
Hello.
Oh! Oh, hey!
You could use
some tegridy, China!
- Here's to China! Ha ha!
- To China!
Boy, you sure know
how to party, Mick!
Oh, my God! Look at her! Ha ha!
She is so hot!
I think that's a bat.
Yeah! It's a bat!
It's a mouse with wings!
Hey, Mick? Where'd ya go?
Ha ha! Ha ha! Ooh, boy!
- Ohh!
- Ha ha!
Randy, you gotta try it!
Go ahead. Take a turn.
Ohh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
If they're
letting us go back to school,
then soon we can
get back to everything.
I mean, doesn't this mean
things are finally
going back to normal? Dad?
I gotta go!
♪♪
Then sell fucking Epcot Center!
If we can't get people
on the rides,
then sell the fucking thing!
No, no, no!
I said more "Mandalorian"!
Jesus Christ!
We're fucking dying here!
What?! Fucking what?! Ha ha.
Hey. It's Randy Marsh.
From... From Tegridy Farms?
What do you want, Marsh?!
I'm in the fucking weeds here!
Look. Um... Do you remember
when we fucked that bat
in Wuhan?
I've fucked a lot of bats!
Well, I've only fucked one!
I remember... right after,
I got really sick,
and this was all back
in October.
Jesus Christ, you fucker!
You started all this!
You told me to fuck the bat!
You didn't quarantine yourself
after you got home?!
Nobody knew anything about COVID
when I fucked the bat!
I thought I just came back
from China with the flu!
Look. We can't let scientists
find that bat.
My wife is crazy.
If she finds out
I started the pandemic,
she's gonna be
a total bitch about it.
♪♪
Dude, you are not
gonna believe this.
What are you doing here?
Is your dad home, Kyle?
We need to talk to a lawyer.
- Mr. Broflovski?!
- Dude, get outta my house!
If you wanna talk,
we can go outside!
They're gonna try and
make us go back to school.
Dude, you could be
spreading germs!
Maybe you didn't hear me, Kyle.
They want us
to go back to school!
- So?!
- "So?" What the fuck?
You really wanna go back
to that slavery?!
I want an education!
I want to be able to compete
for a job when I'm older.
You crazy, psychotic...
Kyle, we need to get a lawyer
to stop the schools
from forcing us back.
Now, whatever your
messed-up beliefs are
about wanting to go to school...
You really wanna spend
the next year on Zoom?
You don't have to be on Zoom.
There's a million ways
around it!
Mark my words, Kyle. First,
they'll force us back to school,
then they'll take
social distancing away
from us completely,
and I'll be out of my room
having to hang out with you!
You're out of your room
hanging out with me now.
Oh, my God.
They won't get away with this!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Hey! Excuse me!
Y-You're Randy Marsh, right?
Uh... m-maybe.
Yeah. Look, man. I just
wanna say thanks. You know?
The Pandemic Special
is really amazing.
Oh, yeah. Cool. Thank you.
No, no, listen.
You... You're awesome.
All this horrible stuff
going on, and...
well, you come along
and try to fight it!
Okay. Thanks.
Y-You see, I...
I lost my wife. To the virus.
My kids, I... I don't even know
how to talk to them.
You know? Just...
Just thank God for
your Pandemic Special.
Thank God.
It's a great special.
It really is.
- Okay.
- No, it's an awesome special.
A-And it was a great idea
to do a special.
Okay, okay! Just stop!
♪♪
M'kay, welcome, parents,
to this all-school town meeting
to talk about
how we're gonna get your kids
back into the classroom.
Can everyone hear me m'kay?
M'kay, well, parents, we've made
some amazing adjustments
and hirings, m'kay.
We believe we can welcome
students back on Monday. M'kay?
How are you going to do this?
Yeah, what happens when
my son is sitting in a room
with Craig Tucker, whose father
doesn't even wear
a mask outside?
Oh, here we fucking go again!
Stop mask shaming, Stotch!
Well, it's really not a mask
if you wear it
down around your chin.
That's a chin diaper.
There's no real proof
that a mask
even fucking does anything!
Spoken like a true redneck!
Oh, fuck you!
M'kay, m'kay, everyone! Alright!
That's not fair!
M'kay!
I just muted everybody! M'kay?
Now, if we don't get along,
I'll just sit here
with you all on mute.
M'kay.
Now, let's try this again.
I saw Wendy's mother
not wearing a mask
in the changing room at Ross.
The fuck are you doing
spying on me
in the changing room?!
I was at Ross!
M'kay! Boom! You're all muted!
M'kay? I can do this all day!
Now, we've made changes
at the school,
and we feel prepared
to welcome your students back.
Mr. Donovan.
I don't care what changes
you've made.
My son Clyde is not
going to class!
And that is your prerogative.
Mute!
M'kay. Mrs. Marsh.
I thought that the issue was
the teachers not coming back.
That is correct.
Our teaching staff
does not feel safe to return.
But... we have hired
all new teachers. M'kay.
These are people who have
recently lost their jobs
due to recent events
and are desperate for work.
M'kay. So they'll do
just about anything.
What new teachers?
♪♪
Alright, men!
As you all know,
due to recent events
totally beyond our control, we
have lost most of our funding.
But this new venture
will be great,
and I know we will all thrive
as elementary schoolteachers.
This might be
our last chance at a job,
so I don't want
any unnecessary deaths.
Ahp! Ahp! No unnecessary deaths!
And let's show this town just
what great leaders we can be.
This is gonna be great.
All over South Park
this morning,
children are getting ready
for their first day of class.
And as they do, scientists say
they're closer
to finding a vaccine.
Oh, cool! Turn it up!
Tom, I'm standing
in front of the newly built
viral research center where
scientists say they have found
the animal which started
the coronavirus.
The creature
was located in China
and then flown
to the facility here
where scientists are
studying it thoroughly.
Hey, hey, hey! W-Whoa!
W-What are you guys doing?!
They think they're
about to find a vaccine.
Yes, now that we have the
animal in our possession,
we'll finally be able
to unlock what caused a virus
to jump from it to humans.
Does it matter
what started coronavirus?!
Who cares what started
coronavirus?!
You guys are being racist!
We don't need to watch this!
Where's the remote?
This is...
This is racist television,
and we're not gonna watch it!
- I want to hear this, Randy!
- No!
No. You know what?
You guys are horrible!
Just... Just stop it right now!
You traced the virus to Wuhan,
but what you found was not
a bat. Is that correct?
No, no, the virus
did not come from a bat.
You guys... What? What'd he say?
We were able to break down
the virus enough
to see there was actually
no bat involved.
No bat involved.
No bat involved!
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
♪ It wasn't a bat,
it wasn't a bat ♪
♪ It wasn't a bat,
in your face! ♪
♪ In your face,
it wasn't a bat ♪
When we tracked the virus,
we found it did originate
in Wuhan, but from a species
called pholidota.
And what exactly is pholidota?
It's a pangolin. And
here it is right over here.
- What's a pangolin, Mom?
- I'm not even sure.
Do you know what
a pangolin is, Randy?
Randy?
Do you know what
a pangolin is, Dad?
♪♪
Ha ha! Ha ha!
Dude, I still can't believe
you fucked that bat.
Ha ha!
- Okay, okay. Shh!
- Ha ha!
You really let her
have it! Oh, boy!
Okay! I don't wanna think
about that right now, Mickey.
I'm just impressed, that's all.
I mean, if you can
handle a bat, then...
Then what?
You ever have sex
with a pangolin?
What the fuck is a pangolin?
Ha ha! Ha whoa! Ho ho!
Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Shit!
♪♪
Alright, children,
welcome back to class.
I'm your new teacher,
Detective Harris,
and this is our homeroom
teacher's assistant,
Officer Johnston.
Let's start the day off
with some math.
Does anyone understand math?
Who would like to lead
the class with some math?
Pandemic! There's a pandemic!
You can't make me go to school!
You can't... Arghh! Aaaghh!
No, no, no!
Oh, no, no! You can't make me!
I don't know
if I can do this, Mitch.
I fucking hate kids.
I can't be a teacher.
It's all we got, sir.
Let me try.
Kids! Alright! Come on!
Let's settle down!
Now we're gonna do some
fingerpaints. You got that?
You're gonna fingerpaint...
"a marsupial of your choice
or a fun thing you did
over the summer."
You can't make us stay here!
This is a violation of our
freedom! Who's with me, guys?!
Now, listen! We're gonna start
fingerpaintin' right now!
Oh, my God! I forgot how much it
sucks to be around everybody!
I think I'm gonna be sick!
All over Kyle!
Bluggggh!
Fuck you!
That's enough!
Got 'im!
♪♪
And here it is.
This is the pangolin
we tracked down in China,
the animal that could
lead us to a vaccine.
The mysteries of COVID
can be unlocked
by our studies of this creature.
I'll just ask you all
to keep a good distance away.
Obviously we can't let anything
happen to this pangolin.
You see, this pangolin's DNA
has mutated,
which is what we believe
started it all.
The pangolin has mutated how?
We're not completely sure,
but we believe now
that something somehow...
got its DNA
up into the pangolin.
How exactly could that happen?
Well, i-it's almost like
another creature
somehow inserted its DNA
up into the pangolin.
Perhaps some other species
somehow mated with the pangolin?
Oh, come on! What kind of animal
would have sex with a pangolin?
Yeah!
Look how ugly that thing is!
Yeah. Yeah!
Okay. Okay.
Again, what really matters
is that we decode
the foreign DNA
inside the pangolin.
That would be the key to
a vaccine, perhaps even a cure.
We have to know
what raped the pangolin.
Oh. So now it was "rape."
Excuse me, sir. Who are you?
This tour is for scientists
that specialize in pandemics.
Are you...
a pandemic specialist?
Yeah, I'm a pandemic specialist.
I'm making one right now.
O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow
me now to the micro labs,
I can show you
the containment system
for once a vaccine
is able to be tried.
♪♪
M'kay. M'kay, parents?
Can everyone hear me m'kay?
Everyone listen up.
We don't want anyone
to panic, m'kay,
but there has been a COVID
exposure here at the school.
M'kay. One of our fourth graders
was taken to the hospital
a couple hours ago, m'kay?
But we... we think
Token's gonna be okay.
Now, due to county protocol,
everyone that was in the school
now has to quarantine
for two weeks.
So we will be
keeping your kids here,
and the teachers
will be staying with them.
Alright, students, shut up.
I know this situation
is not ideal,
but we all have to quarantine
together for two weeks.
This is bullshit!
You don't want to infect
your families, do you?
You were all exposed
to a student here
who was taken to the hospital
due to COVID.
Yes?
Uh, we were there,
and Token was actually
taken to the hospital
because you guys shot him.
Yes, due to COVID.
If it weren't for COVID,
all the previous teachers
would have still been here,
we wouldn't have been
in the class,
and nobody
would have gotten shot.
Therefore the young man is
in the hospital due to COVID.
It was COVID-related.
That doesn't make any sense!
And scientists are asking
all South Park County residents
to keep an eye out
for the creature.
Once again, the pangolin
escaped from the facility
yesterday,
and many people
are fearing the worst.
Scientists say that even though
they have samples
from the pangolin,
they now don't have
what they need for a vaccine.
Yes, you see, what we needed
was the foreign DNA
that was up inside the pangolin.
It's whatever that DNA was
that was our key to a cure.
Hello?! Anyone home?!
♪♪
Got a delivery here.
Needs a signature.
Oh, okay.
Oh, h-hey. If you're
gonna come any closer,
would you mind wearing
a, you know, chin diaper?
Oh. Sorry.
Here you go.
Just sign right there.
Have a nice day.
Oh, and, hey. I'm really
loving the Pandemic Special.
Yeah, thanks.
♪♪
♪♪
Why did you send that to me?
Ha ha! Because you're
a dead man, Marsh!
It's your DNA that they need
for a vaccine! Ha ha!
Yeah, I know, but I can't
just turn myself in!
This isn't personal, Marsh.
It's business.
I'm having you killed, then
secretly we'll send your DNA
to the scientists
for the vaccine. Ha ha.
This is all your fault,
Mickey Mouse!
You made the deal with the devil
when you sold your
"Mulan" shit to China!
And then you took me out and
sold me on how great China was
and how we should all
suck their dick!
You made me lose my tegridy and
anything special that I had...
Special. Wait a minute.
That's it.
What's it? Ha ha.
The special.
The Pandemic Special!
That's how we can get
my DNA into people!
We can vaccinate them
without them even knowing!
What are you talking about?
Just give me a couple more days
before you have me killed.
I-I think I know
a way out of this.
♪♪
Randy?
Shh! Hey, Jimbo.
W-What are you...?
It's okay, Jimbo. I think
I might have a cure for COVID.
You're just gonna
have to trust me, okay?
Unh.
Ohhhhhhh.
- Uh... Uh...
- Shh!
This is gonna be great.
- No, uh...
It's okay. It's okay.
Just breathe.
Br-e-e-e-eathe.
It's okay.
It's okay. Breathe.
We miss ya, honey!
We can't wait for
quarantine to be over! Heh.
Group 4! Your meal is over!
Back to your class!
Alright.
Group 5, it's now mealtime!
Come in but keep
your social distance!
Yeah, that's good social
distancing. Real good.
March 16th! It was March 16th!
That's how long it's been!
It was supposed to be a party!
A big, happy gathering
at Build-A-Bear
to celebrate me being
a big boy at the dentist!
Then they shut it all down.
They said I'd have to wait
until April.
And then it was May. And then
they said wait until summer!
It's fucking October now!
Why doesn't anyone
tell me the truth?!
That I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear!
That I'm never going ever again!
Butters, Butters,
you gotta calm down.
I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear, am I?!
Oh, hey, Teachers.
Sorry. W-Wait. I'm sorry.
I don't need to go
to Build-A-Bear! Fellas?
♪♪
And here it is.
This is the pangolin
we tracked down in China,
the animal that could
lead us to a vaccine.
The mysteries of COVID
can be unlocked
by our studies of this creature.
I'll just ask you all
to keep a good distance away.
Obviously we can't let anything
happen to this pangolin.
You see, this pangolin's DNA
has mutated,
which is what we believe
started it all.
The pangolin has mutated how?
We're not completely sure,
but we believe now
that something somehow...
got its DNA
up into the pangolin.
How exactly could that happen?
Well, i-it's almost like
another creature
somehow inserted its DNA
up into the pangolin.
Perhaps some other species
somehow mated with the pangolin?
Oh, come on! What kind of animal
would have sex with a pangolin?
Yeah!
Look how ugly that thing is!
Yeah. Yeah!
Okay. Okay.
Again, what really matters
is that we decode
the foreign DNA
inside the pangolin.
That would be the key to
a vaccine, perhaps even a cure.
We have to know
what raped the pangolin.
Oh. So now it was "rape."
Excuse me, sir. Who are you?
This tour is for scientists
that specialize in pandemics.
Are you...
a pandemic specialist?
Yeah, I'm a pandemic specialist.
I'm making one right now.
O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow
me now to the micro labs,
I can show you
the containment system
for once a vaccine
is able to be tried.
♪♪
M'kay. M'kay, parents?
Can everyone hear me m'kay?
Everyone listen up.
We don't want anyone
to panic, m'kay,
but there has been a COVID
exposure here at the school.
M'kay. One of our fourth graders
was taken to the hospital
a couple hours ago, m'kay?
But we... we think
Token's gonna be okay.
Now, due to county protocol,
everyone that was in the school
now has to quarantine
for two weeks.
So we will be
keeping your kids here,
and the teachers
will be staying with them.
Alright, students, shut up.
I know this situation
is not ideal,
but we all have to quarantine
together for two weeks.
This is bullshit!
You don't want to infect
your families, do you?
You were all exposed
to a student here
who was taken to the hospital
due to COVID.
Yes?
Uh, we were there,
and Token was actually
taken to the hospital
because you guys shot him.
Yes, due to COVID.
If it weren't for COVID,
all the previous teachers
would have still been here,
we wouldn't have been
in the class,
and nobody
would have gotten shot.
Therefore the young man is
in the hospital due to COVID.
It was COVID-related.
That doesn't make any sense!
And scientists are asking
all South Park County residents
to keep an eye out
for the creature.
Once again, the pangolin
escaped from the facility
yesterday,
and many people
are fearing the worst.
Scientists say that even though
they have samples
from the pangolin,
they now don't have
what they need for a vaccine.
Yes, you see, what we needed
was the foreign DNA
that was up inside the pangolin.
It's whatever that DNA was
that was our key to a cure.
Hello?! Anyone home?!
♪♪
Got a delivery here.
Needs a signature.
Oh, okay.
Oh, h-hey. If you're
gonna come any closer,
would you mind wearing
a, you know, chin diaper?
Oh. Sorry.
Here you go.
Just sign right there.
Have a nice day.
Oh, and, hey. I'm really
loving the Pandemic Special.
Yeah, thanks.
♪♪
♪♪
Why did you send that to me?
Ha ha! Because you're
a dead man, Marsh!
It's your DNA that they need
for a vaccine! Ha ha!
Yeah, I know, but I can't
just turn myself in!
This isn't personal, Marsh.
It's business.
I'm having you killed, then
secretly we'll send your DNA
to the scientists
for the vaccine. Ha ha.
This is all your fault,
Mickey Mouse!
You made the deal with the devil
when you sold your
"Mulan" shit to China!
And then you took me out and
sold me on how great China was
and how we should all
suck their dick!
You made me lose my tegridy and
anything special that I had...
Special. Wait a minute.
That's it.
What's it? Ha ha.
The special.
The Pandemic Special!
That's how we can get
my DNA into people!
We can vaccinate them
without them even knowing!
What are you talking about?
Just give me a couple more days
before you have me killed.
I-I think I know
a way out of this.
♪♪
Randy?
Shh! Hey, Jimbo.
W-What are you...?
It's okay, Jimbo. I think
I might have a cure for COVID.
You're just gonna
have to trust me, okay?
Unh.
Ohhhhhhh.
- Uh... Uh...
- Shh!
This is gonna be great.
- No, uh...
It's okay. It's okay.
Just breathe.
Br-e-e-e-eathe.
It's okay.
It's okay. Breathe.
We miss ya, honey!
We can't wait for
quarantine to be over! Heh.
Group 4! Your meal is over!
Back to your class!
Alright.
Group 5, it's now mealtime!
Come in but keep
your social distance!
Yeah, that's good social
distancing. Real good.
March 16th! It was March 16th!
That's how long it's been!
It was supposed to be a party!
A big, happy gathering
at Build-A-Bear
to celebrate me being
a big boy at the dentist!
Then they shut it all down.
They said I'd have to wait
until April.
And then it was May. And then
they said wait until summer!
It's fucking October now!
Why doesn't anyone
tell me the truth?!
That I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear!
That I'm never going ever again!
Butters, Butters,
you gotta calm down.
I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear, am I?!
Oh, hey, Teachers.
Sorry. W-Wait. I'm sorry.
I don't need to go
to Build-A-Bear! Fellas?
♪♪
♪♪
Nice.
♪♪
♪♪
Butters...? Butters?
Wha? Don't worry.
I'm going to save you!
Okay. Save me from what?
Guys! Guys!
What? Who is it?
You guys, we have to get
Butters out of here.
Who else can we call, Stan?
No. We have to
get him out of here... now.
We need to take him
to Build-A-Bear.
Are you nuts?
He has to go out
and do something normal!
Stan, Build-A-Bear is currently
by appointment only.
And a only maximum party of four
can visit at one time.
We can't sit around
and wait for people
to figure things out, okay?!
It's not gonna happen.
They just keep
taking everything from him
and saying
it's for his own good.
But who's to say he can't go out
and have a little goddamn fun?!
If we want things
to go back to normal,
then we just gotta go do it!
Stan's right. If we want things
to go back to normal,
we have to do it ourselves.
They're just gonna keep
making more restrictions
and more rules,
and who's gonna fight
to go back
to the way things were?
I sure as hell will!
We can make things normal
for Butters again
and make school the way it was.
The way it was!
Online, in our own rooms!
Wait. What?
No, in a class,
with real teachers!
Wait. What? What normal
are you talking about?
I'm talking about normal,
like back in March.
What normal
are you talking about?
I'm talking about normal
like three days ago
when everything was awesome.
Look, it doesn't matter.
We just gotta
break the fuck outta here.
Timmy!
The new outbreak in South Park
is spreading rapidly,
and as highways into town close
and governments
consider a full lockdown,
one question
is on everyone's mind...
Where is the damn pangolin?
Some speculate the pangolin
took its own life
while others think that...
Sorry.
Sorry, we're getting
some breaking news!
Oh, God.
Students at South Park
Elementary School
have broken quarantine
and are now out on the loose!
The fugitives broke out
sometime last night.
Teachers are reporting
there's no cause for alarm
except that these children
have all been exposed to COVID
and could Be running around
spreading mustaches right now!
Super spreaders!
One can of shaving cream
per family!
Butters?!
Butters,
you get back to quarantine
or you are gonna be grounded!
Hey, Stotch!
You heard
what the scientist said!
Get your diaper up
over your mustache area!
I'm not wearing
a damn diaper over my nose!
Don't you care about people?!
Yeah, we care way more about
what's right than you do, bitch!
For Christ's sake...
The entire town is in chaos!
How the hell did you let
those kids out of quarantine?!
Don't blame this on us teachers!
You opened the school and
gave us barely enough resources
to do our job!
Everyone is terrified
of catching something
from these super spreaders!
Well, I don't know what
you're gonna do, Mayor.
You took all our funding away.
You said our equipment
was too extreme.
Now, if we had
some of that stuff back...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Tsst-tst-tst!
We certainly
don't want you teachers
to be without
every resource available.
I'll write an executive order
to get you
everything you need.
♪♪
Boys... we are back in business!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Possible COVID exposure
at four o'clock!
♪♪
You there!
You are violating a mandated
safer-inside order!
Put down the snowball
and get back to quarantine!
♪♪
We've got a runner!
♪♪
♪♪
Okay, all clear.
Come on. Go, go, go!
All right, you ready
to have some fun, Butters?
I sure am, fellas! Okay!
Shit, shit, get back!
Back, back, back, back!
♪♪
Okay, all good. Come on.
♪♪
Dude, we made it!
Butters, Butters... look!
Whoa!
Is it really for reals?
Yeah, it's real. Come on!
We got an appointment!
Oh. Hey, excuse me.
We have an appointment.
Oh, no, sorry. We're closed.
But I called.
You said you were open today
for appointments!
Yeah, we had to shut down again!
Somebody came into the store
with a mustache.
A mustache?
Please, my friend
has to build a bear.
I'm sorry!
These are unprecedented times!
Oh, just give us one minute!
Oh, good job, Stan!
Thanks for getting
my hopes up, you asshole!
Come on, dude, we better get
outta here before we're spotted.
We can't go. What do you mean?
We don't have a choice.
We're gonna have to break in.
And then do what?
And then build him a bear!
Without any employees?
What, do you expect us
to just... build our own bear?
If we have to, yes.
Dude, you need people to help
you do the stuffing and the closing.
You don't... You don't actually
build your own bear...
I don't care! I'm not
following the rules anymore.
What the hell are you doing?
I just gotta take
all the Pandemic Special
over to Thompson Lake
and dump it.
Dump it?!
Why are you worrying
about this right now?!
Because the Pandemic Special
needs to end.
A special has to end, Sharon,
or else it's not really
a "special," is it?
God dammit, Randy,
our son is out in this chaos!
This is not the time for you
to be dealing with
your fucking marijuana!
Somebody's gotta find him!
No, no! Okay!
Okay, okay, hold on, I'm coming!
Maybe we can just stop the
special by the lake on the way.
Fuck you!
Here we are, Butters!
Look... you made it!
Oh, boy! Is this a dream?
No, it's not a dream!
We are really here, and we are
gonna build you a bear!
Which one you want?
You want the panda?
You want the Bronco koala?
The Cabellero Grizzly.
Cabellero Grizzly.
Okay, we just find the shell,
and the, uh... the outfit...
Stan you really need employee
assistance with this.
It's gonna fucking work!
Just fucking shut up!
Okay. Okay, Butters look!
We're gonna put the stuffing in!
Wow!
Okay, uh, um...
Aaaah! God!
It's okay! We can start
over! We can start over!
There's a do-over machine
right over there! Look!
Stanley!
St-a-a-a-a-an!
What if he's dead, Randy?!
He's not dead, Sharon.
Then why hasn't he even called?!
Hey, can we have some of that
Pandemic Special?
No!
Nobody needs the special
right now!
It's not helping!
Oh, my God.
Oh, God, no. What?!
They got Applebee's, too.
Drive me back
to the farm, Sharon.
I need to get something.
God dammit!
Dude, just let it go.
No, Kyle, we can't
let Butters down!
Stan, are you sure
this is about Butters?
'Cause you seem really desperate
to build a bear.
Attention protesting looters!
♪♪
Protesting slash looting
is a violation
of the mayor's health order.
You have five minutes
to come out
or we will have to take action.
♪♪
We gotta surrender, fellas!
I'm honestly not having
that much fun anyways.
No! I'm not giving up!
All right,
that was about five minutes.
Okay, boys, light 'em up!
Wait!
Everyone just stop!
Who the hell is that?
I have something that might
change all of this.
It's the pangolin! Look!
He found it! The pangolin!
He's found it!
This is what you've
all been looking for, right?
Well, here!
Go ahead and do all the tests
you want on it.
You'll find out...
everything you need to know.
Oh, no!
You're not ending this pandemic!
Hey! Cartman, no!
Don't do it, Cartman!
That thing is our only chance.
Your only chance!
For your normal, not mine!
I am not going back to school!
You guys were right, okay?
This hasn't been about Butters.
I've been acting like this
because I can't take
these shutdowns anymore,
and I'm scared
what it's doing to me.
I'm looking for who to blame.
Saying I'm trying to help people
to make myself feel better,
because the truth is...
I just want to have fun again.
I wanted to see that I could
go out in the world
and do things that
I used to do, but I can't.
I'm not any better,
and I don't care any more
than anyone else.
And I did all this because
I just want my life back.
I just want my life back...
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
I don't believe it.
So... So what happens now?
Now we have hope.
We've learned that we might
never get back to our old lives,
but by working together, we just
might find a new way to...
Aargh! Ohh!
Don't forget to get out
and vote, everybody!
Big election coming up.
♪♪
And since
the students broke quarantine,
all South Park residents
are now exposed
and under complete lockdown
for the unforeseeable future.
♪♪
How do I even begin
to apologize?
You guys we were right.
I think all the marijuana
really did go to my head.
You said it... a drug is a drug,
and I'm not who I used to be.
It's time for me to own up
to everything.
It's time everyone knew
what started this pandemic.
♪♪
Hey, Sharon,
I need to talk to you.
I'm not as strong
as you are, Sharon.
I can't deal with hard times
the way that you can.
If you're ready to talk,
I'm ready to listen, Randy.
What?
You want nothing to do
with the Pandemic Special.
No. I don't
smoke marijuana, Randy.
Uh-huh.
What did you want
to talk to me about?
I just... think maybe I'm gonna
do a few more specials.
You got some shit on your face.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Hey, Dad, you think maybe we
could go to Build-A-Bear today?
Butters, for the last time,
you can't go to Build-A-Bear.
But they said they were
open again, so I...
Yes, they're open, but we
are not the Johnsons,
and we do not go to
non-essential businesses
when it's non-essential!
Hey, do you people mind?!
You're supposed to wear
your mask over your nose.
Looks like you're wearing
a diaper for your chin.
Chin diapers don't help.
What the?
What's going on now?!
Something at the town square!
Everyone's gathering!
Well, are we protesting,
or are we rioting?
No, no. It's something to do
with the pandemic!
Something big's going on.
Stay here, Butters.
Hey, everybody.
Can everyone hear me okay?
Thanks for turning out,
everyone.
You know, we've all been through
a lot these past several months.
We've shut down, and people
have lost their businesses,
lost their livelihoods.
I also own a small business.
I sell weed.
And I have to say I...
I'm actually doing pretty good.
Amazing, really.
Tegridy Farms' weed has seen
a 400% increase in sales
since the shutdown in March.
I see Thomas Turner out there.
Thomas opened a restaurant
in SoDoSoPa.
Doesn't seem like such a good
idea now, does it, Turner?
And there's Marley Jarvis,
who owned and operated
her own tanning salon.
Whoops.
But I can't just stand here
and gloat
because Tegridy Weed
is about giving back to people.
And that's why I'm very proud
to announce
that Tegridy Weed is having
a Pandemic Special!
An all-new hybrid
of our best weed
sold at nearly 10% off
our usual price.
Not only that, but when you buy
three pounds or more
of the Pandemic Special,
you get a complimentary
Pandemic 2020 bong.
We are a community.
Let's all be together
with Tegridy.
I think people
are really excited.
What do you think?
A Pandemic Special, Randy?
Really?
What?
People are hurting.
People are dying, Randy.
And all you can think about
is making a special about it?
I'm doing something positive
to try and help.
People really need this
right now.
You are a child, Randy!
These are very serious times,
and nobody wants
or cares about your
stupid special right now!
We'll see if they
like my special.
♪♪
♪♪
Wow!
♪ Another day inside,
don't have to do a thing ♪
♪ I love you,
social distancing ♪
♪ No one's around,
no one's talking to me ♪
♪ Social distancing, I'm free ♪
♪ Don't have to brush my teeth
or shower ♪
For what?
♪ I can sit on the toilet
for hours ♪
As long as I want!
♪ 'Cause no one's saying to me ♪
♪ You kids should get outside
and do something ♪
Oh! 9:00 a.m. Time for school!
♪♪
Good morning, guys.
Everyone ready to start school?
- Good morning!
- Hi!
Hello! - I'm... I'm here!
Okay, I think we're all here.
I see Jimmy and Clyde
are on now.
Eric, are you there?
Yes, Teacher, I'm here!
I can't wait to start
schoo... schoo...
Schoo... eh... eh...
Oh, no, Eric, I think your
computer is freezing up again.
Oh, no. Really?
Can you guys hear me?
I just said... Eh.
Eh. Eh. Eh.
Eric, you'll just have to
listen again, okay?
Best you can.
So let's start today, guys,
by going over yesterday's
grammar examples.
Wendy, can you read
the first one?
♪ I'm cut off from the world ♪
♪ Isolated, alone ♪
♪ This is what I call
existancing ♪
♪ No one can touch me
or boss me around ♪
♪ Social distancing ♪
Eric, aren't you supposed to
be on your Zoom call?
♪ Stay away from me, Mom, yeah ♪
♪ You got to keep
your social distance ♪
♪ 'Cause all I'm gonna do
is sing ♪
♪ About how much I love you
and I need you ♪
♪ Social distancing ♪
Sweetie, I know these
are challenging times.
♪ Yeah, social distancing, Mom ♪
But we all still have to
try and do our work.
Computer keeps freezing, Mom.
Maybe if you were
an essential worker,
we could afford faster Internet.
I at least need you to get some
of your homework done, okay?
And then m-maybe take a shower.
Oh, what a folly a shower seems
when my generation is
being denied their lives!
I can't see my friends.
I can't even go to school.
How I miss Kyle.
Heh heh heh heh.
Sweetie, it's all
going to be over soon.
They're actually talking
about school opening up again
in a few days!
What the fuck
are you talking about?
There's going to be
a big meeting.
Sounds like they're trying to
get you kids back to school!
We can't go back to school.
There's a fucking pandemic!
But they're talking about
maybe staggering you kids
every other day...
They can't do that!
Eric, you're going to be able
to be with all
the other kids again!
Oh, no, I see! There's all
this horrible stuff going on
in the world, but apparently
Cartman's life doesn't matter!
- Eric, you can't...
- Ahp! Get back! Get back!
Six feet, Mom! Six fucking feet!
♪♪
Okay. Thank you very much!
Hope you enjoy
the Pandemic Special!
Hi! You here for the special?
Here you go.
How was school, Stanley?
It's not school.
It's a frickin' joke.
We're not even
learning anything.
I know this has all been
really hard on you, Stanley.
Do you want to talk about it?
No. I'm fine, Mom.
You know, I'm strong.
I'm just worried about
how this all affecting
weaker kids like...
You know, like Butters.
Yeah. Well, it's nice
you care about your friend.
But if you need to talk...
I know this is really hard
on everyone.
Well, that's it, guys.
We have run out of weed
for the day.
Oh, hang on. Sorry.
Uh, didn't somebody say
the Pandemic Special
was a bad idea?
I wasn't saying
you wouldn't make money.
I was saying maybe that's not
what should matter right now.
Oh, come on. Think about it.
Do you even know anyone
personally who's dying of COVID?
Yes! My brother Jimbo,
who is in the hospital!
Yeah. Uncle Jimbo.
Jimbo's a fat alcoholic
who'd be in the hospital anyway.
All I'm saying
is that we can't let
some dirty virus from "China"
completely upend our lives
and shut us down!
Please do not quote the
President in front of our child!
Sharon, I went to China.
Remember? Last season?
I went there to sell our weed,
and I ended up hanging out
with Disney and Mickey Mouse.
You remember all that?
I know what China's like.
Doesn't surprise me
all this shit came from there.
We're going
back to school!
What?
They're gonna let us
go back to school!
The Park County
School District is holding
an all-parent meeting tomorrow,
and officials are hopeful
that students can return
to school on Monday.
Oh, that's great!
Oh, I don't know
if this is a good idea.
The openings
come on the heels of news
that scientists are getting
closer to finding the origins
of the COVID pandemic.
Y-Yes, we've been able
to trace the virus
and confirm that it did,
in fact, come from
a seedy part of China.
Ha! Told ya!
And, in fact,
we've pinpointed the virus
to a certain bat in Wuhan.
A bat in Wuhan?
What we still
don't understand is,
how did a transmitted disease
get from a bat to a human?
How can a virus jump
species like that?
We just don't know.
♪♪
Hello.
Oh! Oh, hey!
You could use
some tegridy, China!
- Here's to China! Ha ha!
- To China!
Boy, you sure know
how to party, Mick!
Oh, my God! Look at her! Ha ha!
She is so hot!
I think that's a bat.
Yeah! It's a bat!
It's a mouse with wings!
Hey, Mick? Where'd ya go?
Ha ha! Ha ha! Ooh, boy!
- Ohh!
- Ha ha!
Randy, you gotta try it!
Go ahead. Take a turn.
Ohh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
If they're
letting us go back to school,
then soon we can
get back to everything.
I mean, doesn't this mean
things are finally
going back to normal? Dad?
I gotta go!
♪♪
Then sell fucking Epcot Center!
If we can't get people
on the rides,
then sell the fucking thing!
No, no, no!
I said more "Mandalorian"!
Jesus Christ!
We're fucking dying here!
What?! Fucking what?! Ha ha.
Hey. It's Randy Marsh.
From... From Tegridy Farms?
What do you want, Marsh?!
I'm in the fucking weeds here!
Look. Um... Do you remember
when we fucked that bat
in Wuhan?
I've fucked a lot of bats!
Well, I've only fucked one!
I remember... right after,
I got really sick,
and this was all back
in October.
Jesus Christ, you fucker!
You started all this!
You told me to fuck the bat!
You didn't quarantine yourself
after you got home?!
Nobody knew anything about COVID
when I fucked the bat!
I thought I just came back
from China with the flu!
Look. We can't let scientists
find that bat.
My wife is crazy.
If she finds out
I started the pandemic,
she's gonna be
a total bitch about it.
♪♪
Dude, you are not
gonna believe this.
What are you doing here?
Is your dad home, Kyle?
We need to talk to a lawyer.
- Mr. Broflovski?!
- Dude, get outta my house!
If you wanna talk,
we can go outside!
They're gonna try and
make us go back to school.
Dude, you could be
spreading germs!
Maybe you didn't hear me, Kyle.
They want us
to go back to school!
- So?!
- "So?" What the fuck?
You really wanna go back
to that slavery?!
I want an education!
I want to be able to compete
for a job when I'm older.
You crazy, psychotic...
Kyle, we need to get a lawyer
to stop the schools
from forcing us back.
Now, whatever your
messed-up beliefs are
about wanting to go to school...
You really wanna spend
the next year on Zoom?
You don't have to be on Zoom.
There's a million ways
around it!
Mark my words, Kyle. First,
they'll force us back to school,
then they'll take
social distancing away
from us completely,
and I'll be out of my room
having to hang out with you!
You're out of your room
hanging out with me now.
Oh, my God.
They won't get away with this!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Hey! Excuse me!
Y-You're Randy Marsh, right?
Uh... m-maybe.
Yeah. Look, man. I just
wanna say thanks. You know?
The Pandemic Special
is really amazing.
Oh, yeah. Cool. Thank you.
No, no, listen.
You... You're awesome.
All this horrible stuff
going on, and...
well, you come along
and try to fight it!
Okay. Thanks.
Y-You see, I...
I lost my wife. To the virus.
My kids, I... I don't even know
how to talk to them.
You know? Just...
Just thank God for
your Pandemic Special.
Thank God.
It's a great special.
It really is.
- Okay.
- No, it's an awesome special.
A-And it was a great idea
to do a special.
Okay, okay! Just stop!
♪♪
M'kay, welcome, parents,
to this all-school town meeting
to talk about
how we're gonna get your kids
back into the classroom.
Can everyone hear me m'kay?
M'kay, well, parents, we've made
some amazing adjustments
and hirings, m'kay.
We believe we can welcome
students back on Monday. M'kay?
How are you going to do this?
Yeah, what happens when
my son is sitting in a room
with Craig Tucker, whose father
doesn't even wear
a mask outside?
Oh, here we fucking go again!
Stop mask shaming, Stotch!
Well, it's really not a mask
if you wear it
down around your chin.
That's a chin diaper.
There's no real proof
that a mask
even fucking does anything!
Spoken like a true redneck!
Oh, fuck you!
M'kay, m'kay, everyone! Alright!
That's not fair!
M'kay!
I just muted everybody! M'kay?
Now, if we don't get along,
I'll just sit here
with you all on mute.
M'kay.
Now, let's try this again.
I saw Wendy's mother
not wearing a mask
in the changing room at Ross.
The fuck are you doing
spying on me
in the changing room?!
I was at Ross!
M'kay! Boom! You're all muted!
M'kay? I can do this all day!
Now, we've made changes
at the school,
and we feel prepared
to welcome your students back.
Mr. Donovan.
I don't care what changes
you've made.
My son Clyde is not
going to class!
And that is your prerogative.
Mute!
M'kay. Mrs. Marsh.
I thought that the issue was
the teachers not coming back.
That is correct.
Our teaching staff
does not feel safe to return.
But... we have hired
all new teachers. M'kay.
These are people who have
recently lost their jobs
due to recent events
and are desperate for work.
M'kay. So they'll do
just about anything.
What new teachers?
♪♪
Alright, men!
As you all know,
due to recent events
totally beyond our control, we
have lost most of our funding.
But this new venture
will be great,
and I know we will all thrive
as elementary schoolteachers.
This might be
our last chance at a job,
so I don't want
any unnecessary deaths.
Ahp! Ahp! No unnecessary deaths!
And let's show this town just
what great leaders we can be.
This is gonna be great.
All over South Park
this morning,
children are getting ready
for their first day of class.
And as they do, scientists say
they're closer
to finding a vaccine.
Oh, cool! Turn it up!
Tom, I'm standing
in front of the newly built
viral research center where
scientists say they have found
the animal which started
the coronavirus.
The creature
was located in China
and then flown
to the facility here
where scientists are
studying it thoroughly.
Hey, hey, hey! W-Whoa!
W-What are you guys doing?!
They think they're
about to find a vaccine.
Yes, now that we have the
animal in our possession,
we'll finally be able
to unlock what caused a virus
to jump from it to humans.
Does it matter
what started coronavirus?!
Who cares what started
coronavirus?!
You guys are being racist!
We don't need to watch this!
Where's the remote?
This is...
This is racist television,
and we're not gonna watch it!
- I want to hear this, Randy!
- No!
No. You know what?
You guys are horrible!
Just... Just stop it right now!
You traced the virus to Wuhan,
but what you found was not
a bat. Is that correct?
No, no, the virus
did not come from a bat.
You guys... What? What'd he say?
We were able to break down
the virus enough
to see there was actually
no bat involved.
No bat involved.
No bat involved!
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
♪ It wasn't a bat,
it wasn't a bat ♪
♪ It wasn't a bat,
in your face! ♪
♪ In your face,
it wasn't a bat ♪
When we tracked the virus,
we found it did originate
in Wuhan, but from a species
called pholidota.
And what exactly is pholidota?
It's a pangolin. And
here it is right over here.
- What's a pangolin, Mom?
- I'm not even sure.
Do you know what
a pangolin is, Randy?
Randy?
Do you know what
a pangolin is, Dad?
♪♪
Ha ha! Ha ha!
Dude, I still can't believe
you fucked that bat.
Ha ha!
- Okay, okay. Shh!
- Ha ha!
You really let her
have it! Oh, boy!
Okay! I don't wanna think
about that right now, Mickey.
I'm just impressed, that's all.
I mean, if you can
handle a bat, then...
Then what?
You ever have sex
with a pangolin?
What the fuck is a pangolin?
Ha ha! Ha whoa! Ho ho!
Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Shit!
♪♪
Alright, children,
welcome back to class.
I'm your new teacher,
Detective Harris,
and this is our homeroom
teacher's assistant,
Officer Johnston.
Let's start the day off
with some math.
Does anyone understand math?
Who would like to lead
the class with some math?
Pandemic! There's a pandemic!
You can't make me go to school!
You can't... Arghh! Aaaghh!
No, no, no!
Oh, no, no! You can't make me!
I don't know
if I can do this, Mitch.
I fucking hate kids.
I can't be a teacher.
It's all we got, sir.
Let me try.
Kids! Alright! Come on!
Let's settle down!
Now we're gonna do some
fingerpaints. You got that?
You're gonna fingerpaint...
"a marsupial of your choice
or a fun thing you did
over the summer."
You can't make us stay here!
This is a violation of our
freedom! Who's with me, guys?!
Now, listen! We're gonna start
fingerpaintin' right now!
Oh, my God! I forgot how much it
sucks to be around everybody!
I think I'm gonna be sick!
All over Kyle!
Bluggggh!
Fuck you!
That's enough!
Got 'im!
♪♪
And here it is.
This is the pangolin
we tracked down in China,
the animal that could
lead us to a vaccine.
The mysteries of COVID
can be unlocked
by our studies of this creature.
I'll just ask you all
to keep a good distance away.
Obviously we can't let anything
happen to this pangolin.
You see, this pangolin's DNA
has mutated,
which is what we believe
started it all.
The pangolin has mutated how?
We're not completely sure,
but we believe now
that something somehow...
got its DNA
up into the pangolin.
How exactly could that happen?
Well, i-it's almost like
another creature
somehow inserted its DNA
up into the pangolin.
Perhaps some other species
somehow mated with the pangolin?
Oh, come on! What kind of animal
would have sex with a pangolin?
Yeah!
Look how ugly that thing is!
Yeah. Yeah!
Okay. Okay.
Again, what really matters
is that we decode
the foreign DNA
inside the pangolin.
That would be the key to
a vaccine, perhaps even a cure.
We have to know
what raped the pangolin.
Oh. So now it was "rape."
Excuse me, sir. Who are you?
This tour is for scientists
that specialize in pandemics.
Are you...
a pandemic specialist?
Yeah, I'm a pandemic specialist.
I'm making one right now.
O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow
me now to the micro labs,
I can show you
the containment system
for once a vaccine
is able to be tried.
♪♪
M'kay. M'kay, parents?
Can everyone hear me m'kay?
Everyone listen up.
We don't want anyone
to panic, m'kay,
but there has been a COVID
exposure here at the school.
M'kay. One of our fourth graders
was taken to the hospital
a couple hours ago, m'kay?
But we... we think
Token's gonna be okay.
Now, due to county protocol,
everyone that was in the school
now has to quarantine
for two weeks.
So we will be
keeping your kids here,
and the teachers
will be staying with them.
Alright, students, shut up.
I know this situation
is not ideal,
but we all have to quarantine
together for two weeks.
This is bullshit!
You don't want to infect
your families, do you?
You were all exposed
to a student here
who was taken to the hospital
due to COVID.
Yes?
Uh, we were there,
and Token was actually
taken to the hospital
because you guys shot him.
Yes, due to COVID.
If it weren't for COVID,
all the previous teachers
would have still been here,
we wouldn't have been
in the class,
and nobody
would have gotten shot.
Therefore the young man is
in the hospital due to COVID.
It was COVID-related.
That doesn't make any sense!
And scientists are asking
all South Park County residents
to keep an eye out
for the creature.
Once again, the pangolin
escaped from the facility
yesterday,
and many people
are fearing the worst.
Scientists say that even though
they have samples
from the pangolin,
they now don't have
what they need for a vaccine.
Yes, you see, what we needed
was the foreign DNA
that was up inside the pangolin.
It's whatever that DNA was
that was our key to a cure.
Hello?! Anyone home?!
♪♪
Got a delivery here.
Needs a signature.
Oh, okay.
Oh, h-hey. If you're
gonna come any closer,
would you mind wearing
a, you know, chin diaper?
Oh. Sorry.
Here you go.
Just sign right there.
Have a nice day.
Oh, and, hey. I'm really
loving the Pandemic Special.
Yeah, thanks.
♪♪
♪♪
Why did you send that to me?
Ha ha! Because you're
a dead man, Marsh!
It's your DNA that they need
for a vaccine! Ha ha!
Yeah, I know, but I can't
just turn myself in!
This isn't personal, Marsh.
It's business.
I'm having you killed, then
secretly we'll send your DNA
to the scientists
for the vaccine. Ha ha.
This is all your fault,
Mickey Mouse!
You made the deal with the devil
when you sold your
"Mulan" shit to China!
And then you took me out and
sold me on how great China was
and how we should all
suck their dick!
You made me lose my tegridy and
anything special that I had...
Special. Wait a minute.
That's it.
What's it? Ha ha.
The special.
The Pandemic Special!
That's how we can get
my DNA into people!
We can vaccinate them
without them even knowing!
What are you talking about?
Just give me a couple more days
before you have me killed.
I-I think I know
a way out of this.
♪♪
Randy?
Shh! Hey, Jimbo.
W-What are you...?
It's okay, Jimbo. I think
I might have a cure for COVID.
You're just gonna
have to trust me, okay?
Unh.
Ohhhhhhh.
- Uh... Uh...
- Shh!
This is gonna be great.
- No, uh...
It's okay. It's okay.
Just breathe.
Br-e-e-e-eathe.
It's okay.
It's okay. Breathe.
We miss ya, honey!
We can't wait for
quarantine to be over! Heh.
Group 4! Your meal is over!
Back to your class!
Alright.
Group 5, it's now mealtime!
Come in but keep
your social distance!
Yeah, that's good social
distancing. Real good.
March 16th! It was March 16th!
That's how long it's been!
It was supposed to be a party!
A big, happy gathering
at Build-A-Bear
to celebrate me being
a big boy at the dentist!
Then they shut it all down.
They said I'd have to wait
until April.
And then it was May. And then
they said wait until summer!
It's fucking October now!
Why doesn't anyone
tell me the truth?!
That I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear!
That I'm never going ever again!
Butters, Butters,
you gotta calm down.
I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear, am I?!
Oh, hey, Teachers.
Sorry. W-Wait. I'm sorry.
I don't need to go
to Build-A-Bear! Fellas?
♪♪
And here it is.
This is the pangolin
we tracked down in China,
the animal that could
lead us to a vaccine.
The mysteries of COVID
can be unlocked
by our studies of this creature.
I'll just ask you all
to keep a good distance away.
Obviously we can't let anything
happen to this pangolin.
You see, this pangolin's DNA
has mutated,
which is what we believe
started it all.
The pangolin has mutated how?
We're not completely sure,
but we believe now
that something somehow...
got its DNA
up into the pangolin.
How exactly could that happen?
Well, i-it's almost like
another creature
somehow inserted its DNA
up into the pangolin.
Perhaps some other species
somehow mated with the pangolin?
Oh, come on! What kind of animal
would have sex with a pangolin?
Yeah!
Look how ugly that thing is!
Yeah. Yeah!
Okay. Okay.
Again, what really matters
is that we decode
the foreign DNA
inside the pangolin.
That would be the key to
a vaccine, perhaps even a cure.
We have to know
what raped the pangolin.
Oh. So now it was "rape."
Excuse me, sir. Who are you?
This tour is for scientists
that specialize in pandemics.
Are you...
a pandemic specialist?
Yeah, I'm a pandemic specialist.
I'm making one right now.
O-kay. Anyway, if you all follow
me now to the micro labs,
I can show you
the containment system
for once a vaccine
is able to be tried.
♪♪
M'kay. M'kay, parents?
Can everyone hear me m'kay?
Everyone listen up.
We don't want anyone
to panic, m'kay,
but there has been a COVID
exposure here at the school.
M'kay. One of our fourth graders
was taken to the hospital
a couple hours ago, m'kay?
But we... we think
Token's gonna be okay.
Now, due to county protocol,
everyone that was in the school
now has to quarantine
for two weeks.
So we will be
keeping your kids here,
and the teachers
will be staying with them.
Alright, students, shut up.
I know this situation
is not ideal,
but we all have to quarantine
together for two weeks.
This is bullshit!
You don't want to infect
your families, do you?
You were all exposed
to a student here
who was taken to the hospital
due to COVID.
Yes?
Uh, we were there,
and Token was actually
taken to the hospital
because you guys shot him.
Yes, due to COVID.
If it weren't for COVID,
all the previous teachers
would have still been here,
we wouldn't have been
in the class,
and nobody
would have gotten shot.
Therefore the young man is
in the hospital due to COVID.
It was COVID-related.
That doesn't make any sense!
And scientists are asking
all South Park County residents
to keep an eye out
for the creature.
Once again, the pangolin
escaped from the facility
yesterday,
and many people
are fearing the worst.
Scientists say that even though
they have samples
from the pangolin,
they now don't have
what they need for a vaccine.
Yes, you see, what we needed
was the foreign DNA
that was up inside the pangolin.
It's whatever that DNA was
that was our key to a cure.
Hello?! Anyone home?!
♪♪
Got a delivery here.
Needs a signature.
Oh, okay.
Oh, h-hey. If you're
gonna come any closer,
would you mind wearing
a, you know, chin diaper?
Oh. Sorry.
Here you go.
Just sign right there.
Have a nice day.
Oh, and, hey. I'm really
loving the Pandemic Special.
Yeah, thanks.
♪♪
♪♪
Why did you send that to me?
Ha ha! Because you're
a dead man, Marsh!
It's your DNA that they need
for a vaccine! Ha ha!
Yeah, I know, but I can't
just turn myself in!
This isn't personal, Marsh.
It's business.
I'm having you killed, then
secretly we'll send your DNA
to the scientists
for the vaccine. Ha ha.
This is all your fault,
Mickey Mouse!
You made the deal with the devil
when you sold your
"Mulan" shit to China!
And then you took me out and
sold me on how great China was
and how we should all
suck their dick!
You made me lose my tegridy and
anything special that I had...
Special. Wait a minute.
That's it.
What's it? Ha ha.
The special.
The Pandemic Special!
That's how we can get
my DNA into people!
We can vaccinate them
without them even knowing!
What are you talking about?
Just give me a couple more days
before you have me killed.
I-I think I know
a way out of this.
♪♪
Randy?
Shh! Hey, Jimbo.
W-What are you...?
It's okay, Jimbo. I think
I might have a cure for COVID.
You're just gonna
have to trust me, okay?
Unh.
Ohhhhhhh.
- Uh... Uh...
- Shh!
This is gonna be great.
- No, uh...
It's okay. It's okay.
Just breathe.
Br-e-e-e-eathe.
It's okay.
It's okay. Breathe.
We miss ya, honey!
We can't wait for
quarantine to be over! Heh.
Group 4! Your meal is over!
Back to your class!
Alright.
Group 5, it's now mealtime!
Come in but keep
your social distance!
Yeah, that's good social
distancing. Real good.
March 16th! It was March 16th!
That's how long it's been!
It was supposed to be a party!
A big, happy gathering
at Build-A-Bear
to celebrate me being
a big boy at the dentist!
Then they shut it all down.
They said I'd have to wait
until April.
And then it was May. And then
they said wait until summer!
It's fucking October now!
Why doesn't anyone
tell me the truth?!
That I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear!
That I'm never going ever again!
Butters, Butters,
you gotta calm down.
I'm never going
to Build-A-Bear, am I?!
Oh, hey, Teachers.
Sorry. W-Wait. I'm sorry.
I don't need to go
to Build-A-Bear! Fellas?
♪♪
♪♪
Nice.
♪♪
♪♪
Butters...? Butters?
Wha? Don't worry.
I'm going to save you!
Okay. Save me from what?
Guys! Guys!
What? Who is it?
You guys, we have to get
Butters out of here.
Who else can we call, Stan?
No. We have to
get him out of here... now.
We need to take him
to Build-A-Bear.
Are you nuts?
He has to go out
and do something normal!
Stan, Build-A-Bear is currently
by appointment only.
And a only maximum party of four
can visit at one time.
We can't sit around
and wait for people
to figure things out, okay?!
It's not gonna happen.
They just keep
taking everything from him
and saying
it's for his own good.
But who's to say he can't go out
and have a little goddamn fun?!
If we want things
to go back to normal,
then we just gotta go do it!
Stan's right. If we want things
to go back to normal,
we have to do it ourselves.
They're just gonna keep
making more restrictions
and more rules,
and who's gonna fight
to go back
to the way things were?
I sure as hell will!
We can make things normal
for Butters again
and make school the way it was.
The way it was!
Online, in our own rooms!
Wait. What?
No, in a class,
with real teachers!
Wait. What? What normal
are you talking about?
I'm talking about normal,
like back in March.
What normal
are you talking about?
I'm talking about normal
like three days ago
when everything was awesome.
Look, it doesn't matter.
We just gotta
break the fuck outta here.
Timmy!
The new outbreak in South Park
is spreading rapidly,
and as highways into town close
and governments
consider a full lockdown,
one question
is on everyone's mind...
Where is the damn pangolin?
Some speculate the pangolin
took its own life
while others think that...
Sorry.
Sorry, we're getting
some breaking news!
Oh, God.
Students at South Park
Elementary School
have broken quarantine
and are now out on the loose!
The fugitives broke out
sometime last night.
Teachers are reporting
there's no cause for alarm
except that these children
have all been exposed to COVID
and could Be running around
spreading mustaches right now!
Super spreaders!
One can of shaving cream
per family!
Butters?!
Butters,
you get back to quarantine
or you are gonna be grounded!
Hey, Stotch!
You heard
what the scientist said!
Get your diaper up
over your mustache area!
I'm not wearing
a damn diaper over my nose!
Don't you care about people?!
Yeah, we care way more about
what's right than you do, bitch!
For Christ's sake...
The entire town is in chaos!
How the hell did you let
those kids out of quarantine?!
Don't blame this on us teachers!
You opened the school and
gave us barely enough resources
to do our job!
Everyone is terrified
of catching something
from these super spreaders!
Well, I don't know what
you're gonna do, Mayor.
You took all our funding away.
You said our equipment
was too extreme.
Now, if we had
some of that stuff back...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Tsst-tst-tst!
We certainly
don't want you teachers
to be without
every resource available.
I'll write an executive order
to get you
everything you need.
♪♪
Boys... we are back in business!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Possible COVID exposure
at four o'clock!
♪♪
You there!
You are violating a mandated
safer-inside order!
Put down the snowball
and get back to quarantine!
♪♪
We've got a runner!
♪♪
♪♪
Okay, all clear.
Come on. Go, go, go!
All right, you ready
to have some fun, Butters?
I sure am, fellas! Okay!
Shit, shit, get back!
Back, back, back, back!
♪♪
Okay, all good. Come on.
♪♪
Dude, we made it!
Butters, Butters... look!
Whoa!
Is it really for reals?
Yeah, it's real. Come on!
We got an appointment!
Oh. Hey, excuse me.
We have an appointment.
Oh, no, sorry. We're closed.
But I called.
You said you were open today
for appointments!
Yeah, we had to shut down again!
Somebody came into the store
with a mustache.
A mustache?
Please, my friend
has to build a bear.
I'm sorry!
These are unprecedented times!
Oh, just give us one minute!
Oh, good job, Stan!
Thanks for getting
my hopes up, you asshole!
Come on, dude, we better get
outta here before we're spotted.
We can't go. What do you mean?
We don't have a choice.
We're gonna have to break in.
And then do what?
And then build him a bear!
Without any employees?
What, do you expect us
to just... build our own bear?
If we have to, yes.
Dude, you need people to help
you do the stuffing and the closing.
You don't... You don't actually
build your own bear...
I don't care! I'm not
following the rules anymore.
What the hell are you doing?
I just gotta take
all the Pandemic Special
over to Thompson Lake
and dump it.
Dump it?!
Why are you worrying
about this right now?!
Because the Pandemic Special
needs to end.
A special has to end, Sharon,
or else it's not really
a "special," is it?
God dammit, Randy,
our son is out in this chaos!
This is not the time for you
to be dealing with
your fucking marijuana!
Somebody's gotta find him!
No, no! Okay!
Okay, okay, hold on, I'm coming!
Maybe we can just stop the
special by the lake on the way.
Fuck you!
Here we are, Butters!
Look... you made it!
Oh, boy! Is this a dream?
No, it's not a dream!
We are really here, and we are
gonna build you a bear!
Which one you want?
You want the panda?
You want the Bronco koala?
The Cabellero Grizzly.
Cabellero Grizzly.
Okay, we just find the shell,
and the, uh... the outfit...
Stan you really need employee
assistance with this.
It's gonna fucking work!
Just fucking shut up!
Okay. Okay, Butters look!
We're gonna put the stuffing in!
Wow!
Okay, uh, um...
Aaaah! God!
It's okay! We can start
over! We can start over!
There's a do-over machine
right over there! Look!
Stanley!
St-a-a-a-a-an!
What if he's dead, Randy?!
He's not dead, Sharon.
Then why hasn't he even called?!
Hey, can we have some of that
Pandemic Special?
No!
Nobody needs the special
right now!
It's not helping!
Oh, my God.
Oh, God, no. What?!
They got Applebee's, too.
Drive me back
to the farm, Sharon.
I need to get something.
God dammit!
Dude, just let it go.
No, Kyle, we can't
let Butters down!
Stan, are you sure
this is about Butters?
'Cause you seem really desperate
to build a bear.
Attention protesting looters!
♪♪
Protesting slash looting
is a violation
of the mayor's health order.
You have five minutes
to come out
or we will have to take action.
♪♪
We gotta surrender, fellas!
I'm honestly not having
that much fun anyways.
No! I'm not giving up!
All right,
that was about five minutes.
Okay, boys, light 'em up!
Wait!
Everyone just stop!
Who the hell is that?
I have something that might
change all of this.
It's the pangolin! Look!
He found it! The pangolin!
He's found it!
This is what you've
all been looking for, right?
Well, here!
Go ahead and do all the tests
you want on it.
You'll find out...
everything you need to know.
Oh, no!
You're not ending this pandemic!
Hey! Cartman, no!
Don't do it, Cartman!
That thing is our only chance.
Your only chance!
For your normal, not mine!
I am not going back to school!
You guys were right, okay?
This hasn't been about Butters.
I've been acting like this
because I can't take
these shutdowns anymore,
and I'm scared
what it's doing to me.
I'm looking for who to blame.
Saying I'm trying to help people
to make myself feel better,
because the truth is...
I just want to have fun again.
I wanted to see that I could
go out in the world
and do things that
I used to do, but I can't.
I'm not any better,
and I don't care any more
than anyone else.
And I did all this because
I just want my life back.
I just want my life back...
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
I don't believe it.
So... So what happens now?
Now we have hope.
We've learned that we might
never get back to our old lives,
but by working together, we just
might find a new way to...
Aargh! Ohh!
Don't forget to get out
and vote, everybody!
Big election coming up.
♪♪
And since
the students broke quarantine,
all South Park residents
are now exposed
and under complete lockdown
for the unforeseeable future.
♪♪
How do I even begin
to apologize?
You guys we were right.
I think all the marijuana
really did go to my head.
You said it... a drug is a drug,
and I'm not who I used to be.
It's time for me to own up
to everything.
It's time everyone knew
what started this pandemic.
♪♪
Hey, Sharon,
I need to talk to you.
I'm not as strong
as you are, Sharon.
I can't deal with hard times
the way that you can.
If you're ready to talk,
I'm ready to listen, Randy.
What?
You want nothing to do
with the Pandemic Special.
No. I don't
smoke marijuana, Randy.
Uh-huh.
What did you want
to talk to me about?
I just... think maybe I'm gonna
do a few more specials.
You got some shit on your face.
♪♪
♪♪