South Park (1997–…): Season 22, Episode 10 - Episode #22.10 - full transcript
Yes!
Yessss!
What is it, Kyle?
I got fulfilled!
It's all the stuff I ordered
for the bike parade.
Yeah?
Kyle, did you get your stuff?!
I got my stuff!
Yeah, dude, Stan and Kenny
got their stuff, too!
Bring it all over
to my house!
We gotta get ready
for the bike parade!
Hey, were my boxes
there, too?
No, Dad. These were special
deliveries from Jeff Bezos.
We helped Amazon
with their strike,
and he had
our orders shipped.
Jeff Bezos?
The founder and CEO
of Amazon?
Yeah! We helped him find workers
to work during the strike.
So he found our orders
and had them sent to us.
Well, can he find
my packages, too?
Woman: No, I know. They said
the workers are still on strike.
They don't know
when our orders will --
Man: Alexa, can I have
my stuff shipped
from a different fulfill--
Man #2: No, that is a bad dog,
Banjo!
Bad dog!
Woman #2:
Oh, yes!
Oh! Oh! O--
Stewart: Jeff Bezos?!
Are you freakin' kidding me?!
Why is Jeff Bezos
sending you packages?
Do you even care
there's a strike going on?!
Mrph rmhmhm rmhmhm.
Bike parade?!
Your dad is part of the strike,
you little shit!
This whole town is suffering
because of Amazon,
and you're out worrying
about a bike parade!
I can't even believe
you would say that, Sharon!
Randy,
it's time to face it.
Your weed-farm idea
didn't work.
You barely sell
to two people a day.
It's the stupid
Amazon strike!
I rely on things
for marketing, Sharon.
A small business needs
products for exposure,
and until those assholes
go back to work,
small businesses
are gonna suffer!
Ex-Excuse me.
Could I buy some weed?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Out early today, huh?
Yeah, it's this
stupid Amazon strike.
None of my orders
are getting fulfilled,
and I just need something
to take the edge off.
Yeah,
tell me about it.
Hey, are you
selling weed?
Uh, yeah.
My wife is going nuts
not getting her packages.
I told her
I'd find her some kush.
Yeah, the Amazon strike
really sucks.
Hey, man, we're about to go
spend a day in a picket line.
Can you sell us
some weed?
You're strikers?
Well, why don't you guys
get back to work
so we can get
our packages?
Hey, you,
buddy!
Okay, okay, hold on.
Uh, lemme get
some more weed.
Huh.
News Reporter:
It's day five
of the Amazon
Fulfillment Center Strike.
Nothing
has been resolved,
and there is
ever-mounting tension
between the striking
Amazon workers
and the people
who want their stuff.
Josh Carter
is an Amazon employee
who suffered a horrific
workplace accident.
In order to drum up support
for the strike,
he's recently FedExed himself
to Washington.
How are things going,
Josh?
Josh The Box: They're going
well, Tom. Thank you.
You know,
what happened to me
could happen to any worker
at a fulfillment center.
I'm speaking
to Congress here
and then heading back
to Colorado tomorrow via UPS.
Meanwhile, Amazon says
it's training new workers
to replace the strikers.
However, because the workers
previously worked in a mall,
they've had no human contact
for quite some time.
Welcome to
the fulfillment center.
I'm your floor manager,
Stephen Stotch.
Rahghgh!
Sssss!
Being a fulfiller
isn't hard.
Uh, you just follow
a few basic steps.
You start by getting an order
on your fulfillment device.
Uh, it's order 6,503.
Mrs. Sandy Milner wants
a Luminart coffee grinder.
So, you send that order
to the first available
transaction robot.
Okay, the robot
will locate the grinder
and bring it
to the packing area.
Arhghghgh!
Arhghghgh!
Now, put the coffee grinder
in the box to fulfill the order.
Go on, put it in.
This isn't
very fulfilling.
Sure it is. You just
gotta get into it, okay?
That's one order down.
We have 12,400
more to go.
All right,
there you go, friend.
That's an ounce
of weed,
and thanks for supportin'
small business. Next.
Hey, could you sell me
more than an ounce?
Sorry, friend.
That's the law.
Us simple farmin' folk
respect the law and each other.
No, it's fine.
I'll just go over
to the Anderson Weed Farm
and buy more there.
Well, don't buy weed
from them.
Their weed sucks.
It's a long way
to drive out here.
Need to make it
worth my while.
Shit!
This whole Amazon strike
has more people smoking weed
than ever.
We have to make sure
Tegridy Weed stays ahead
of the competition!
We need to find a way
to get the weed to the people.
Yeah, like a --
like a delivery service.
Some way so people
don't have to drive out here
and even see
the other weed farms!
You know
what they got?
They got these e-scooters
nowadays.
You mean the things that almost
killed us all on Halloween?
Yeah, I 'member.
What if we use e-scooters
to get the weed
directly to the customers?
Holy shit.
We could have Tegridy
all over town.
What the --
Stephen!
Stephen, it's a miracle!
I don't understand.
Look, Dad!
A whole-new bicycle!
I'll win the bike parade
for sure!
You must have gotten
our Prime membership back!
I guess I did.
The bigwigs promoted me
to manager.
I've been training
new employees.
When did all this stuff arrive?
It just came
a few hours ago.
Oh, Stephen, you did it!
Your townspeople
are beginning to learn
that cooperation
is rewarded by fulfillment.
Now there's only one true enemy
who stands in our way.
Tonight, he is giving a talk
on Marxist theory.
How is the common worker
kept submissive?
By the institutions
and the ideology
of the bourgeoisie.
We only ask for compassion,
for a fair share
of the fruits of our labors.
♪♪
Yeah,
it's this Saturday.
Everyone's
gonna watch.
You girls should
come check it out.
Yeah, it's gonna be a pretty
nice bike parade, I suppose.
Hey, Larry!
You gettin' excited
for the bike parade?
Yeah, I guess
I'm lookin' forward to it,
I dunno.
Wow.
I guess my bike could be
in the bike parade.
I-I hadn't really
thought about it.
Uh, y-you girls
check out the flags
on the back
of my bike?
They're --
They're silk.
Oh, yeah.
I'll see you there, Larry.
Later, girls.
Hmph.
Yippieeeeeee!
Amazon boxes?!
It might be!
Yes?!
Oh.
Hello, sir.
I have your weed delivery.
My what?
Oh, that's mine.
There you are,
ma'am.
Enjoy your Tegridy.
You got a...?
Are -- Are we splitting that?
Get your own.
Do you have more?
We're here to please
the customer!
Dude,
we did it.
They look
amazing.
Cartman: There's no way
we can't win, you guys.
We are going to kill
at the bike parade.
We finally did it.
We worked together,
we overcame adversity,
and everything is finally
gonna be cool again.
All right,
Kenny's here.
Come on, dude, we're gonna
take 'em for a test spin.
Mrph rmhmhm.
Mrph rmh rmphm.
You're not gonna do
the bike parade?
Why not?!
Mrph rmhmhm,
mrph rmhmhm
rm mrph rmhmhm.
Commodity
fetishism?
Mrph
rmh rmphm.
Kenny,
you can't quit now!
We have
a four-bike theme!
Yeah, how do we do the changing
face of immigrants in America
without
the Philippines?!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmh.
Kenny, no,
you can't do this!
We've worked
so hard,
and we've come so close --
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
My anxiety!
My anxiety is going off,
you guys!
Come on, Kenny,
don't be a dick.
Mrph
rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmh
rmphm mrph!
Oh, my God.
We did so much!
We went through all this,
and he just quits?!
That's it!
That's it!
I'm gonna shoot up
the school!
Don't shoot up
the school.
No, 'cause it's not fair!
You work your ass off
for nothing,
and now
my anxiety's back,
and I'm gonna shoot up
the schoooooool!
Here come
the temp workers!
Scabs!
All:
Scabs! Scabs!
Scabs! Scabs! Scabs!
Yeah, it's not always easy
being a fulfiller,
but I think,
eventually,
you'll find
it's a rewarding job.
I don't really care.
I just want my stuff.
If I have to work at Amazon
to get my packages,
then so be it.
Stotch!
Hey, Stotch!
What do you want,
Stewart?
I just thought
you'd want to know
the kind of people
you're selling out for.
What are you
talking about?
It's Josh, man.
He's gone missing.
How's it going?
How's it look
like it's going?
There's no way we're gonna win
this stupid bike parade.
Our bikes
aren't so bad.
Face it, Stan!
Our bikes suck!
We're gonna lose!
We're gonna be the laughingstock
of the whole thing!
Kyle's right.
I already bragged to everyone
we were gonna
beat them like bitches
at the bike parade.
We're gonna look
like total douchebags.
I thought the four of us
were unstoppable.
We are, it's just
Kenny us again.
I wish there never was
a bike parade.
Yeah.
Hey...
What if there wasn't?
What?
What if the bike parade
got canceled?
We're never gonna
win the bike parade,
but if we get it canceled,
then everybody loses.
How do we get
the bike parade canceled?
How do you get anything
cancelled?
You bitch about it
being insensitive!
Hey, yeah.
We can go to the mayor
and force her to cancel it.
What's offensive
about a bike parade?
What's offensive
about a bike parade?
Kyle, you small-minded
piece of shit.
We should cancel you
just for saying that.
Oh, I get it.
Yeah!
All: Yeah!
Everybody loses,
you guys.
Do you know who I am?
Josh The Box:
Yeah. You're Jeff Bezos.
And you are Josh,
former Amazon employee who
suffered a workplace accident.
You were wrongly packaged
into a box,
and now, if any one
tries to open it,
your insides
will burst apart.
So, you seek revenge.
This isn't about revenge,
Bezos.
It's about the production
of too many useful things
resulting in too many
useless people.
See how the box
ridicules commercialism
in order to try and feel
better about itself.
Damn you!
You made everything nice and
convenient, didn't you, Bezos?
But humans are more
than consumers.
That's very eloquent...
for a box --
a box that is the last thing
standing in the way
of real economic progress
for this town.
What are you gonna
do to me?
I'm not going
to do anything to you.
Alexa, go ahead.
Send them in.
Hello, children.
Uncle Jeff has
a surprise for you!
Who wants a special present
for the bike parade?
Kids:
Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!
Josh The Box:
Oh, my God.
Whoever opens the box
gets what's inside.
No! No, don't give in
to your consumerism, kids!
It's mine! It's mine!
I got it! I get it!
Every year,
I win the bike parade.
It's the one thing
I care about.
Now, there's kids out there
who have better bikes than me
because you won't get off
your ass and work, Dad!
Larry, I want to!
But I'd be a no-good traitor.
Can't you understand?!
All I understand
is that you suck!
Where are
you going?
Son's right.
Picket line or not,
I'm gonna cross it --
right now!
Hello, sir.
I have your weed delivery.
Oh, my weed.
Forgot I ordered that.
Oh, hey, listen,
we have an app now.
You can keep track
of your orders
and get your Tegridy
delivered even faster.
Oop.
There's an order now.
The first thing we've got to do
to get the bike parade cancelled
is raise awareness.
Yeah. We're gonna need
poster boards, markers,
and lots of
glitter and glue.
I can't believe
Kenny bailed on us
just because he thinks
Jeff Bezos is a bad guy.
Yeah. How can somebody who
gives you whatever you want
be a bad guy?
It's locked.
They're closed.
We're all closed.
Our coffee shop --
everything.
But we're outraged
about something.
We need glitter
and glue.
Yeah, well, when the Amazon
fulfillment center opened,
everything else
went out of business.
Mayor:
I let it happen.
I thought the
fulfillment center
would be nothing but great
for the town.
Instead, it's --
It's buried us.
But it's Christmas.
It's Christmas,
and we've no presents...
no decorations,
and there's no one
who can help us.
Look!
Santa: Ho ho ho ho!
It's Santa!
Woman:
It's a miracle!
I heard some people here might
need a little Christmas magic.
We sure do, Santa!
It's only a couple
weeks until Christmas,
and we don't have
any presents!
Well, that's no problem
for the hometown
of my favorite
holiday poo!
Where is Mr. Hankey?
Where is that old bundle
of Christmas cheer?
We...
We had to get rid
of Mr. Hankey.
Got rid of him?
Uh, Mr. Hankey
did something bad,
and we were forced
to make him...
leave.
Forever.
- Jesus. What'd he do?
- a kid?
No, he...
He tweeted some...
inappropriate things.
He tweeted some
inappropriate things?
Oh, you bunch of --
I'm getting back
in my sleigh now.
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait! Please!
Merry Christmas!
Have fun sucking Jeff Bezos'
dick, you bunch a cunts!
♪ Christ the savior
is born ♪
Deejay: Continuing with
non-stop holiday music.
Here's a song from that
hot new group, The PC babies.
It's a song about how
the idea of Mrs. Claus
perpetuates
female stereotypes.
It's called
"Jingle All the Waggghgh."
Hey, Dad...
listen...
I don't need
anything more.
I mean, if I don't win that
bike parade, I don't care.
I have you guys,
and that's more important
than a bike parade
will ever be.
No it isn't,
Butters.
I want to quit
working for Amazon.
I want to join my friends
in striking, but...
I know that you have to have
your stuff to be happy.
No, I don't dad.
You need your Amazon Prime shows
and your music and your books
and your things
delivered to your door,
like little presents to yourself
that make you feel satisfied.
I can live without those things,
but you can't.
That's why...
I'm gonna continue
to work at Amazon --
for you.
Hello, sir.
I'm with the
Tegridy Weed Company.
We're just making sure
folks are aware
of our new
rewards program.
What?
We now have three levels
of membership for our weed.
There's Tegridy, Tegridy Plus,
and Tegridy Elite.
But you don't want to be elite,
'cause elite's got no Tegridy.
It's just such bullcrap,
you guys.
Such bullcrap.
How come everything out there
is getting cancelled,
but when it comes to us,
we just can't do it?
I mean, are we supposed
to just keep going?
Just go on, making total
asses of ourselves?
No.
No. The problem is that,
when it comes to outrage,
your average person
actually doesn't give a shit
unless it has something
to do with them.
That's right.
We've been selfish.
We can't get the parade
cancelled for us.
We have to do it for
all the other people
who want it cancelled, but their
voices aren't being heard!
Yeah. What, did we think
this was a joke?
The bike parade
is offensive,
and the government thinks they
can just force it on everyone!
Come on!
I'm actually pissed off now!
Mayor, We demand you cancel
the bike parade!
It is nihilistic and out of
touch with progressive thinking!
What's the matter?
Afraid you wouldn't win?
It's him.
The bike parade
was quite useful to me.
You see, people will do
anything to have fulfillment.
They finally realized
the only way to get it
would be to all work for
the fulfillment center.
Who would use a bike parade
like some $20 hooker?
Kenny was right
about you.
You're a bad guy.
Oh, you mean your little
socialist friend?
Yes, he's starting to
rattle his sword, now, too.
Alexa, kill Kenny.
Alexa: Okay.
I'll kill Kenny for you.
No!
Why are you
doing this?
Don't you see
I'm trying to help?
Before, there was war
between classes,
customers and workers
at odds.
All I've done is create
the new class --
the consumer/worker.
The future.
Right now, your parents,
your teachers,
everyone you know
are showing up
to work
at the fulfillment center,
and I'm afraid you are all
going to lose the bike parade.
Randy:
Bezos!
Bezos!
Bezos!
Crowd:
Bezos!
Bezos!
Hello, Bezos.
You can take
your fulfillment center
and fulfill it
right up your ass!
You see, there's one thing
you didn't count on,
and that's Tegridy.
Just look in the eyes
of these people.
Everyone has
Tegridy now --
Tegridy that you
will never understand.
We aren't just different classes
of people anymore.
We are a town.
Are you all high?
All:
No... No...
Why do you ask that?
Jeff Bezos:
Because I'm over here.
Oh.
Hang on...
Hold on.
Okay, I got it.
Anyways...
You see, Tegridy is something
that can't be understood
by big corporations.
Oh, they'll try to package
Tegridy,
but only I can really package
Tegridy.
I got more money now
'cause of Tegridy.
That's 'cause
I figured out
how to get Tegridy
to everyone.
And that's -- now everyone is
in this state of Tegridy
that's impenetrable.
Am I making sense?
No!
The point is,
nobody's coming to work for you.
So you can take your whole plan
and fulfill it somewhere else!
Damn you, Tegridy!
♪ Ice cold beer,
down-home Days ♪
♪ Country music
and bike parades ♪
We got Tegridy
all around
- ♪ Round
- ♪ Round
♪ That's life livin'
in our Colorado town ♪
I guess they
are offensive.
♪ We don't need nothin'
from big corporations ♪
♪ We don't need progress
or fancy educations ♪
♪ Maybe our Tegridy
keeps us down ♪
- ♪ Down
- ♪ Down
♪ But that's life livin'
in our Colorado town ♪
Hey, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
Sure are, Butters!
♪ Now, we gotta learn to live
without boxes every day ♪
♪ We might wake up tomorrow
and wonder why they went away ♪
♪ Guess you might call us
a bunch of white trash hicks ♪
- ♪ Hicks
- ♪ Hicks
♪ But at least we ain't suckin'
no Bezosian Dicks ♪
Tegridy Weed.
Coming soon to a giant
online retailer near you.
Yeah,
it's this Saturday.
Everyone's
gonna watch.
You girls should
come check it out.
Yeah, it's gonna be a pretty
nice bike parade, I suppose.
Hey, Larry!
You gettin' excited
for the bike parade?
Yeah, I guess
I'm lookin' forward to it,
I dunno.
Yessss!
What is it, Kyle?
I got fulfilled!
It's all the stuff I ordered
for the bike parade.
Yeah?
Kyle, did you get your stuff?!
I got my stuff!
Yeah, dude, Stan and Kenny
got their stuff, too!
Bring it all over
to my house!
We gotta get ready
for the bike parade!
Hey, were my boxes
there, too?
No, Dad. These were special
deliveries from Jeff Bezos.
We helped Amazon
with their strike,
and he had
our orders shipped.
Jeff Bezos?
The founder and CEO
of Amazon?
Yeah! We helped him find workers
to work during the strike.
So he found our orders
and had them sent to us.
Well, can he find
my packages, too?
Woman: No, I know. They said
the workers are still on strike.
They don't know
when our orders will --
Man: Alexa, can I have
my stuff shipped
from a different fulfill--
Man #2: No, that is a bad dog,
Banjo!
Bad dog!
Woman #2:
Oh, yes!
Oh! Oh! O--
Stewart: Jeff Bezos?!
Are you freakin' kidding me?!
Why is Jeff Bezos
sending you packages?
Do you even care
there's a strike going on?!
Mrph rmhmhm rmhmhm.
Bike parade?!
Your dad is part of the strike,
you little shit!
This whole town is suffering
because of Amazon,
and you're out worrying
about a bike parade!
I can't even believe
you would say that, Sharon!
Randy,
it's time to face it.
Your weed-farm idea
didn't work.
You barely sell
to two people a day.
It's the stupid
Amazon strike!
I rely on things
for marketing, Sharon.
A small business needs
products for exposure,
and until those assholes
go back to work,
small businesses
are gonna suffer!
Ex-Excuse me.
Could I buy some weed?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Out early today, huh?
Yeah, it's this
stupid Amazon strike.
None of my orders
are getting fulfilled,
and I just need something
to take the edge off.
Yeah,
tell me about it.
Hey, are you
selling weed?
Uh, yeah.
My wife is going nuts
not getting her packages.
I told her
I'd find her some kush.
Yeah, the Amazon strike
really sucks.
Hey, man, we're about to go
spend a day in a picket line.
Can you sell us
some weed?
You're strikers?
Well, why don't you guys
get back to work
so we can get
our packages?
Hey, you,
buddy!
Okay, okay, hold on.
Uh, lemme get
some more weed.
Huh.
News Reporter:
It's day five
of the Amazon
Fulfillment Center Strike.
Nothing
has been resolved,
and there is
ever-mounting tension
between the striking
Amazon workers
and the people
who want their stuff.
Josh Carter
is an Amazon employee
who suffered a horrific
workplace accident.
In order to drum up support
for the strike,
he's recently FedExed himself
to Washington.
How are things going,
Josh?
Josh The Box: They're going
well, Tom. Thank you.
You know,
what happened to me
could happen to any worker
at a fulfillment center.
I'm speaking
to Congress here
and then heading back
to Colorado tomorrow via UPS.
Meanwhile, Amazon says
it's training new workers
to replace the strikers.
However, because the workers
previously worked in a mall,
they've had no human contact
for quite some time.
Welcome to
the fulfillment center.
I'm your floor manager,
Stephen Stotch.
Rahghgh!
Sssss!
Being a fulfiller
isn't hard.
Uh, you just follow
a few basic steps.
You start by getting an order
on your fulfillment device.
Uh, it's order 6,503.
Mrs. Sandy Milner wants
a Luminart coffee grinder.
So, you send that order
to the first available
transaction robot.
Okay, the robot
will locate the grinder
and bring it
to the packing area.
Arhghghgh!
Arhghghgh!
Now, put the coffee grinder
in the box to fulfill the order.
Go on, put it in.
This isn't
very fulfilling.
Sure it is. You just
gotta get into it, okay?
That's one order down.
We have 12,400
more to go.
All right,
there you go, friend.
That's an ounce
of weed,
and thanks for supportin'
small business. Next.
Hey, could you sell me
more than an ounce?
Sorry, friend.
That's the law.
Us simple farmin' folk
respect the law and each other.
No, it's fine.
I'll just go over
to the Anderson Weed Farm
and buy more there.
Well, don't buy weed
from them.
Their weed sucks.
It's a long way
to drive out here.
Need to make it
worth my while.
Shit!
This whole Amazon strike
has more people smoking weed
than ever.
We have to make sure
Tegridy Weed stays ahead
of the competition!
We need to find a way
to get the weed to the people.
Yeah, like a --
like a delivery service.
Some way so people
don't have to drive out here
and even see
the other weed farms!
You know
what they got?
They got these e-scooters
nowadays.
You mean the things that almost
killed us all on Halloween?
Yeah, I 'member.
What if we use e-scooters
to get the weed
directly to the customers?
Holy shit.
We could have Tegridy
all over town.
What the --
Stephen!
Stephen, it's a miracle!
I don't understand.
Look, Dad!
A whole-new bicycle!
I'll win the bike parade
for sure!
You must have gotten
our Prime membership back!
I guess I did.
The bigwigs promoted me
to manager.
I've been training
new employees.
When did all this stuff arrive?
It just came
a few hours ago.
Oh, Stephen, you did it!
Your townspeople
are beginning to learn
that cooperation
is rewarded by fulfillment.
Now there's only one true enemy
who stands in our way.
Tonight, he is giving a talk
on Marxist theory.
How is the common worker
kept submissive?
By the institutions
and the ideology
of the bourgeoisie.
We only ask for compassion,
for a fair share
of the fruits of our labors.
♪♪
Yeah,
it's this Saturday.
Everyone's
gonna watch.
You girls should
come check it out.
Yeah, it's gonna be a pretty
nice bike parade, I suppose.
Hey, Larry!
You gettin' excited
for the bike parade?
Yeah, I guess
I'm lookin' forward to it,
I dunno.
Wow.
I guess my bike could be
in the bike parade.
I-I hadn't really
thought about it.
Uh, y-you girls
check out the flags
on the back
of my bike?
They're --
They're silk.
Oh, yeah.
I'll see you there, Larry.
Later, girls.
Hmph.
Yippieeeeeee!
Amazon boxes?!
It might be!
Yes?!
Oh.
Hello, sir.
I have your weed delivery.
My what?
Oh, that's mine.
There you are,
ma'am.
Enjoy your Tegridy.
You got a...?
Are -- Are we splitting that?
Get your own.
Do you have more?
We're here to please
the customer!
Dude,
we did it.
They look
amazing.
Cartman: There's no way
we can't win, you guys.
We are going to kill
at the bike parade.
We finally did it.
We worked together,
we overcame adversity,
and everything is finally
gonna be cool again.
All right,
Kenny's here.
Come on, dude, we're gonna
take 'em for a test spin.
Mrph rmhmhm.
Mrph rmh rmphm.
You're not gonna do
the bike parade?
Why not?!
Mrph rmhmhm,
mrph rmhmhm
rm mrph rmhmhm.
Commodity
fetishism?
Mrph
rmh rmphm.
Kenny,
you can't quit now!
We have
a four-bike theme!
Yeah, how do we do the changing
face of immigrants in America
without
the Philippines?!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmh.
Kenny, no,
you can't do this!
We've worked
so hard,
and we've come so close --
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
My anxiety!
My anxiety is going off,
you guys!
Come on, Kenny,
don't be a dick.
Mrph
rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmh
rmphm mrph!
Oh, my God.
We did so much!
We went through all this,
and he just quits?!
That's it!
That's it!
I'm gonna shoot up
the school!
Don't shoot up
the school.
No, 'cause it's not fair!
You work your ass off
for nothing,
and now
my anxiety's back,
and I'm gonna shoot up
the schoooooool!
Here come
the temp workers!
Scabs!
All:
Scabs! Scabs!
Scabs! Scabs! Scabs!
Yeah, it's not always easy
being a fulfiller,
but I think,
eventually,
you'll find
it's a rewarding job.
I don't really care.
I just want my stuff.
If I have to work at Amazon
to get my packages,
then so be it.
Stotch!
Hey, Stotch!
What do you want,
Stewart?
I just thought
you'd want to know
the kind of people
you're selling out for.
What are you
talking about?
It's Josh, man.
He's gone missing.
How's it going?
How's it look
like it's going?
There's no way we're gonna win
this stupid bike parade.
Our bikes
aren't so bad.
Face it, Stan!
Our bikes suck!
We're gonna lose!
We're gonna be the laughingstock
of the whole thing!
Kyle's right.
I already bragged to everyone
we were gonna
beat them like bitches
at the bike parade.
We're gonna look
like total douchebags.
I thought the four of us
were unstoppable.
We are, it's just
Kenny us again.
I wish there never was
a bike parade.
Yeah.
Hey...
What if there wasn't?
What?
What if the bike parade
got canceled?
We're never gonna
win the bike parade,
but if we get it canceled,
then everybody loses.
How do we get
the bike parade canceled?
How do you get anything
cancelled?
You bitch about it
being insensitive!
Hey, yeah.
We can go to the mayor
and force her to cancel it.
What's offensive
about a bike parade?
What's offensive
about a bike parade?
Kyle, you small-minded
piece of shit.
We should cancel you
just for saying that.
Oh, I get it.
Yeah!
All: Yeah!
Everybody loses,
you guys.
Do you know who I am?
Josh The Box:
Yeah. You're Jeff Bezos.
And you are Josh,
former Amazon employee who
suffered a workplace accident.
You were wrongly packaged
into a box,
and now, if any one
tries to open it,
your insides
will burst apart.
So, you seek revenge.
This isn't about revenge,
Bezos.
It's about the production
of too many useful things
resulting in too many
useless people.
See how the box
ridicules commercialism
in order to try and feel
better about itself.
Damn you!
You made everything nice and
convenient, didn't you, Bezos?
But humans are more
than consumers.
That's very eloquent...
for a box --
a box that is the last thing
standing in the way
of real economic progress
for this town.
What are you gonna
do to me?
I'm not going
to do anything to you.
Alexa, go ahead.
Send them in.
Hello, children.
Uncle Jeff has
a surprise for you!
Who wants a special present
for the bike parade?
Kids:
Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!
Josh The Box:
Oh, my God.
Whoever opens the box
gets what's inside.
No! No, don't give in
to your consumerism, kids!
It's mine! It's mine!
I got it! I get it!
Every year,
I win the bike parade.
It's the one thing
I care about.
Now, there's kids out there
who have better bikes than me
because you won't get off
your ass and work, Dad!
Larry, I want to!
But I'd be a no-good traitor.
Can't you understand?!
All I understand
is that you suck!
Where are
you going?
Son's right.
Picket line or not,
I'm gonna cross it --
right now!
Hello, sir.
I have your weed delivery.
Oh, my weed.
Forgot I ordered that.
Oh, hey, listen,
we have an app now.
You can keep track
of your orders
and get your Tegridy
delivered even faster.
Oop.
There's an order now.
The first thing we've got to do
to get the bike parade cancelled
is raise awareness.
Yeah. We're gonna need
poster boards, markers,
and lots of
glitter and glue.
I can't believe
Kenny bailed on us
just because he thinks
Jeff Bezos is a bad guy.
Yeah. How can somebody who
gives you whatever you want
be a bad guy?
It's locked.
They're closed.
We're all closed.
Our coffee shop --
everything.
But we're outraged
about something.
We need glitter
and glue.
Yeah, well, when the Amazon
fulfillment center opened,
everything else
went out of business.
Mayor:
I let it happen.
I thought the
fulfillment center
would be nothing but great
for the town.
Instead, it's --
It's buried us.
But it's Christmas.
It's Christmas,
and we've no presents...
no decorations,
and there's no one
who can help us.
Look!
Santa: Ho ho ho ho!
It's Santa!
Woman:
It's a miracle!
I heard some people here might
need a little Christmas magic.
We sure do, Santa!
It's only a couple
weeks until Christmas,
and we don't have
any presents!
Well, that's no problem
for the hometown
of my favorite
holiday poo!
Where is Mr. Hankey?
Where is that old bundle
of Christmas cheer?
We...
We had to get rid
of Mr. Hankey.
Got rid of him?
Uh, Mr. Hankey
did something bad,
and we were forced
to make him...
leave.
Forever.
- Jesus. What'd he do?
- a kid?
No, he...
He tweeted some...
inappropriate things.
He tweeted some
inappropriate things?
Oh, you bunch of --
I'm getting back
in my sleigh now.
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait! Please!
Merry Christmas!
Have fun sucking Jeff Bezos'
dick, you bunch a cunts!
♪ Christ the savior
is born ♪
Deejay: Continuing with
non-stop holiday music.
Here's a song from that
hot new group, The PC babies.
It's a song about how
the idea of Mrs. Claus
perpetuates
female stereotypes.
It's called
"Jingle All the Waggghgh."
Hey, Dad...
listen...
I don't need
anything more.
I mean, if I don't win that
bike parade, I don't care.
I have you guys,
and that's more important
than a bike parade
will ever be.
No it isn't,
Butters.
I want to quit
working for Amazon.
I want to join my friends
in striking, but...
I know that you have to have
your stuff to be happy.
No, I don't dad.
You need your Amazon Prime shows
and your music and your books
and your things
delivered to your door,
like little presents to yourself
that make you feel satisfied.
I can live without those things,
but you can't.
That's why...
I'm gonna continue
to work at Amazon --
for you.
Hello, sir.
I'm with the
Tegridy Weed Company.
We're just making sure
folks are aware
of our new
rewards program.
What?
We now have three levels
of membership for our weed.
There's Tegridy, Tegridy Plus,
and Tegridy Elite.
But you don't want to be elite,
'cause elite's got no Tegridy.
It's just such bullcrap,
you guys.
Such bullcrap.
How come everything out there
is getting cancelled,
but when it comes to us,
we just can't do it?
I mean, are we supposed
to just keep going?
Just go on, making total
asses of ourselves?
No.
No. The problem is that,
when it comes to outrage,
your average person
actually doesn't give a shit
unless it has something
to do with them.
That's right.
We've been selfish.
We can't get the parade
cancelled for us.
We have to do it for
all the other people
who want it cancelled, but their
voices aren't being heard!
Yeah. What, did we think
this was a joke?
The bike parade
is offensive,
and the government thinks they
can just force it on everyone!
Come on!
I'm actually pissed off now!
Mayor, We demand you cancel
the bike parade!
It is nihilistic and out of
touch with progressive thinking!
What's the matter?
Afraid you wouldn't win?
It's him.
The bike parade
was quite useful to me.
You see, people will do
anything to have fulfillment.
They finally realized
the only way to get it
would be to all work for
the fulfillment center.
Who would use a bike parade
like some $20 hooker?
Kenny was right
about you.
You're a bad guy.
Oh, you mean your little
socialist friend?
Yes, he's starting to
rattle his sword, now, too.
Alexa, kill Kenny.
Alexa: Okay.
I'll kill Kenny for you.
No!
Why are you
doing this?
Don't you see
I'm trying to help?
Before, there was war
between classes,
customers and workers
at odds.
All I've done is create
the new class --
the consumer/worker.
The future.
Right now, your parents,
your teachers,
everyone you know
are showing up
to work
at the fulfillment center,
and I'm afraid you are all
going to lose the bike parade.
Randy:
Bezos!
Bezos!
Bezos!
Crowd:
Bezos!
Bezos!
Hello, Bezos.
You can take
your fulfillment center
and fulfill it
right up your ass!
You see, there's one thing
you didn't count on,
and that's Tegridy.
Just look in the eyes
of these people.
Everyone has
Tegridy now --
Tegridy that you
will never understand.
We aren't just different classes
of people anymore.
We are a town.
Are you all high?
All:
No... No...
Why do you ask that?
Jeff Bezos:
Because I'm over here.
Oh.
Hang on...
Hold on.
Okay, I got it.
Anyways...
You see, Tegridy is something
that can't be understood
by big corporations.
Oh, they'll try to package
Tegridy,
but only I can really package
Tegridy.
I got more money now
'cause of Tegridy.
That's 'cause
I figured out
how to get Tegridy
to everyone.
And that's -- now everyone is
in this state of Tegridy
that's impenetrable.
Am I making sense?
No!
The point is,
nobody's coming to work for you.
So you can take your whole plan
and fulfill it somewhere else!
Damn you, Tegridy!
♪ Ice cold beer,
down-home Days ♪
♪ Country music
and bike parades ♪
We got Tegridy
all around
- ♪ Round
- ♪ Round
♪ That's life livin'
in our Colorado town ♪
I guess they
are offensive.
♪ We don't need nothin'
from big corporations ♪
♪ We don't need progress
or fancy educations ♪
♪ Maybe our Tegridy
keeps us down ♪
- ♪ Down
- ♪ Down
♪ But that's life livin'
in our Colorado town ♪
Hey, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
Sure are, Butters!
♪ Now, we gotta learn to live
without boxes every day ♪
♪ We might wake up tomorrow
and wonder why they went away ♪
♪ Guess you might call us
a bunch of white trash hicks ♪
- ♪ Hicks
- ♪ Hicks
♪ But at least we ain't suckin'
no Bezosian Dicks ♪
Tegridy Weed.
Coming soon to a giant
online retailer near you.
Yeah,
it's this Saturday.
Everyone's
gonna watch.
You girls should
come check it out.
Yeah, it's gonna be a pretty
nice bike parade, I suppose.
Hey, Larry!
You gettin' excited
for the bike parade?
Yeah, I guess
I'm lookin' forward to it,
I dunno.