South Park (1997–…): Season 22, Episode 1 - Dead Kids - full transcript
Randy is desperate to help Sharon get her emotions under control and Cartman unexpectedly fails his math test. Meanwhile a series of school shootings occur at South Park
♪♪
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
Les:
♪ Headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph
mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph
mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
Les:
♪ Come on down to South Park,
and meet some friends of mine ♪
I want you all
to take a close look
at your math exams,
children.
Some of you did very well,
but many of you did not.
Aw, man!
The addition of fractions
is very simple.
Let's run through it again.
How do we solve this first one?
[ Gunshots ]
[ People screaming ]
Add together
the 3 and the 3!
Good, Butters.
We add the 3's together.
And what about the 4's?
Token?
They're the denominators,
so they stay a 4.
Wait, wait!
Token got an "A"?
But I cheated off of Token!
[ Siren wails ]
I-I can't hear you, Eric.
I said something's wrong!
I got an "F,"
but I cheated off Token!
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
Man on radio:
All units, report in.
And now we divide,
right?
Craig, how about you?
What are we dividing?
[ Tactical guys shouting
in background ]
Divide 4 by 6?
The 4 by 6...
Unit five
in southwest classroom!
...or the 6 by the 4?
The 6 by the 4.
Southwest classroom clear!
Man on radio: Copy.
Southwest classroom clear.
Now, we're gonna re-take
the exam on Friday.
[ Kids groan ]
Shooter's in the hallway!
All units, report!
[ Gunfire ]
Now, I'm giving you
an opportunity to do better.
I hope you take advantage
of it.
Put down the gun, son.
You can see where Token
erased his answers
and wrote in the right ones!
You don't want to do this!
He did it to me
on purpose!
[ Gunshot ]
Eric, that's enough.
Man on radio: Shooter is down.
Shooter is down.
Now, let's move on
to the next equation.
[ Police radio chatter ]
[ Helicopter blades whirring,
siren chirps ]
[ School bell rings ]
[ Kids cheering ]
That is such bullshit,
you guys!
Token knew I was cheating
off of him,
so he deliberately put down
the wrong answers!
Why would he do that?
I flunked that test,
too.
I don't understand fractions.
They don't make any sense.
That's not the point,
you guys.
Why is Token
out to get me?
There's something
going on here.
Another school shooting today
has left students
in shock and disbelief.
Yeah, Token's probably
sick of you
cheating off of him
all the time.
But why now?
That's the question, Kyle.
I always cheat off Token.
Why did he choose now
to hurt me?
Stanley!
Stanley,
oh, my God!
Baby!
Oh, you're okay!
Uh, hey, Mom.
It's all right,
Stanley.
We're gonna go home and talk
about this with your dad.
And we will get through this
as a family.
Come on.
Get in the car.
Dude, what's up
Stan's mom's ass?
[ Utensils clack, scrape ]
Stanley...
Well?
Do you want
to tell your father
about what happened
at school today?
Um...
O-Oh.
I flunked my math quiz.
No!
The other thing!
What other thing?
What happened
at school today?
Oh, the school
shooting?
Yes!
The school shooting!
Oh, yeah.
Some kid shot up the school.
Who shot up the schoo--
Was it you?
No.
Did you get shot?
No.
Oh.
Well, what's this
about failing a math quiz?
Are you serious?!
Did you not hear
what your child said?!
Kids died at his school!
I'm sorry, Sharon.
I --
Why are you all acting
like this is normal?
What is wrong
with you people?
What's up mom's ass?
Hey, Sharon.
You doing okay?
No, I'm not okay!
Children were shot!
They were killed
at a school
where they were supposed
to be safe!
Uh-huh, and...
what else is going on?
Why does there need
to be anything else?!
Are you kidding me?!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Sharon.
Why isn't anyone else
emotional?!
Hon, uh...
when was your last...
I mean,
you know how sometimes
Things can seem
like a little bigger deal
'cause, you know,
your...down there?
Don't you dare suggest
that I'm only emotional
because it's --
I'm -- I'm just -- I'm just
Pointing out
that it is around that time.
Get out, Randy!
I'm not overreacting!
Okay. Okay. Love you, honey.
I'll leave you alone.
[ Sighs ]
Whelp, another three days
of this, probably.
I understand that
there have been
some problems
here at the school lately.
A lot of students
are experiencing anxiety,
and Eric Cartman just wanted to
be able to voice his concerns.
Go ahead, Eric.
Token.
[ Sighs ]
There are some terrible things
that I realize
you might have heard from
the other kids here at school.
There are some rumors that have
been going around about me
that -- that I thought
"Black Panther"
was a terrible movie.
There's rumors that I said
it was a structural mess,
you know, that the rhinos
were really stupid.
I want to assure you
that I never said
anything like that.
I loved "Black Panther."
So if, you know, you feel like
there's a need to come after me
to get back at me,
I just need you to know
that people are lying
because I liked "Black Panther"
just as much as you did.
I am not a racist.
I actually never saw
"Black Panther."
Say what,
girlfrriend?!
Whatchu talkin' 'bout,
Willis?!
Come on, Rog!
You never saw "Black Panther?"
No, I didn't see it.
But I thought
all of you saw it.
[ Gunshots ]
I got this one.
[ People screaming ]
All right, everyone,
get down!
Everybody,
get the fuck down!
Token, let's be honest
with each other, okay?
Why else would you manipulate
my test grades?
How exactly did Token manipulate
your grades, Eric?
[ Gunshot and screaming
continues ]
There was a test.
I should have got
an "A" on it,
but Token did things
to make me fail,
and it's not fair.
M'kay! M'kay!
Who's shootin' up the school?
Is that true, Token?
Did you do something
to make Eric fail a test?
I didn't
make him fail, no.
You didn't make me fail
the test,
and you didn't see
"Black Panther." Right.
I mean -- I mean,
this is ridiculous.
Over this way!
Into the cafeteria!
Right over there, m'kay?
No, you shot the wrong one!
Thanks for coming,
everybody.
I'm sure you all heard
there was yet another
school shooting today.
We have to figure out what
we're going to do as parents
because this whole thing
is out of control.
[ Sighs ]
We have to ask ourselves
why this is happening
and do something now!
Well, you know, Sharon,
I think it is
a complex issue, you know.
It's -- It's not really
as simple as just --
What I'm saying is that --
that with issues like this,
sometimes you have
to be kind of...crazy?
What are you
talking about?!
Do you understand that our
children are being murdered?
Red.
How much closer to home
can this all hit?
It was at our
children's school!
Crazy time.
Crazy red time.
I agree with my wife.
Well, there certainly are
things that need changing.
Just yesterday, I was
at the park with my son Craig,
and have you seen the state
of the playground equipment?
Not only does it seem unsafe,
but it's become quite
an eyesore.
The whole park could use
an upgrade, if you ask me.
It's become a camp-out
for the homeless.
Are you fucking joking?!
You're gonna take one second
to compare child murder
to park upgrades?!
What is wrong
with everybody?!
You've all gone crazy!
Anybody need a drink?
[ School bell rings ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Metal detectors beeping ]
[ Dogs bark ]
[ Conversations continue ]
Butters.
Waah!
Oh!
Oh, hey, Eric!
Butters, I need help.
My mom said
if I flunk another math test,
she's gonna ground me
from playing "Fortnite."
Oh, geez.
You want me to help you study?
No, dumbass.
I need to get
some dirt on Token
so he stops punishing me
for what I supposedly said
about "Black Panther."
Ooh.
"Black Panther"?
Well,
that was a great movie!
No, it wasn't.
But now, listen.
There's got to be something
Token wouldn't want
people to know,
something I can use
as leverage.
Well, what do you want
me to do?
I got hall monitor duty.
Just ask around.
If you find any dirt on Token,
give me a call.
Okay, Eric.
Cartman: This world is full
of two types of people --
the ones who are honest,
and the ones who don't play
by the rules.
Token's got everyone believing
he's the one African American
in the entire country
who didn't see "Black Panther."
What else is he lying about?
[ Sobs ]
[ Blows nose ]
It just gets so hard,
you know?
Everything's going fine,
and then at a certain time
of the month,
I have to start walking
on eggshells.
It's all right,
Randy.
It's just -- It's just once,
I'd like her to acknowledge it,
you know?
Just once say,
"You know, maybe I was
overreacting a little bit
'cause of my hormones."
Randy, they just announced
on the news
there's been another school
shooting in Jefferson County!
Okay, Sharon.
Cool.
What is cool
about that?!
N-Nothing.
I love you, sweetheart.
God!
[ Sighs ]
I don't know.
I don't know how much
more of this I can take.
It's like I turn on the TV
and dread they'll say something
about a school shooting
because it's gonna set
my wife off.
Well, Randy,
have you stopped to think
that maybe this problem
is bigger than Sharon's period?
[ Sniffles ]
What -- What do you mean?
I mean that maybe what's
going on really is a big deal.
What if this is actually...
menopause?
Menopause?
I don't even know
what that is.
[ Police radio chatter ]
[ Helicopter blades whirring,
siren chirps ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Well, you see, Mr. Marsh,
when the woman's ovaries
actually stop producing eggs,
it's a significant change.
It's this ending
of the the menstrual cycle
in a woman's life
that we call
menopause.
Uh-huh.
But if a woman
isn't having periods anymore,
then why would she still
overreact and be bitchy?
Well, actually, menopause
is one of the most
severely hormonal times
a woman ever goes through.
It's good you sought the advice
of a medical professional
because the changes
in your wife's body
are going to be confusing
and at times hard to cope with.
Well, wait. You're saying this
could actually get worse?
I'm afraid so.
Ah, no.
Dead ones go in the other truck.
You see, Mr. Marsh,
menopause is almost like
a super period,
and it's been known
to last...
for up to two years.
Oh, my God.
[ Door squeaks ]
Nichole,
can I talk to you?
'Bout what?
Word on the street is
you and Token are back together.
We're trying.
Just talking a lot and seeing
if we can work things out.
Why did you break up with him?
What did he do to you?
That's...really
none of your business.
He didn't take you
to see "Black Panther"
with him, did he?
That must have
really stung.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh, no?
When you guys talk about how
sweet "Black Panther" was,
what's he say?
We've never talked
about it.
Right.
You two guys
just hang out and talk,
and "Black Panther"
never comes up.
Why are you covering for Token?
What's he have on you?
I gotta get to class.
Cartman: $1.3 billion
domestic box office.
A milestone
for African Americans.
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
And I'm supposed to believe
that Token
and his little sex kitten
never even talked about it.
The all school test
is in less than 72 hours.
Unless I find a connection,
I'll be grounded
from "Fortnite" for weeks.
[ Mouse clicks ]
Hello, Mom and Dad.
I keep thinking,
when will be the time
that I get the call?
You know?
When will I answer the phone
and find out
my son, my daughter
were killed at school?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I see.
I live in constant fear
that I won't be there
to protect my children when
something happens to them.
Well, Sharon,
have you maybe considered
that your feelings
are partly due to...
handkerchief balls?
What?
Handkerchief balls.
Handkerchief out the balls.
Red handkerchief.
No -- No more handkerchief.
No more -- No more red.
Zero.
Empty.
Old lady.
-What I'm saying
is that I'm so overwhelmed
that I --
Old lady, where's my dick?
Where's my dick?
What the hell
are you talking about?!
I don't understand!
God damn it!
Stop acting like there's
something wrong with me.
Something's wrong with you,
all of you!
Try having
some goddamn compassion!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You know, my other favorite part
was when Black Panther
had those dreams
about his dead father.
I mean the dad,
the tribal leader,
speaking to the new king
about being a good leader.
I've never seen a movie
do that before,
except for "Lion King"
of course,
but "Black Panther"
was so original.
We enjoyed it, yes.
So, uh, what was Token's
favorite part
of "Black Panther"?
Token?
Yeah.
You must have all had some
deep family talks about it.
What does Token say about it
on "Black Panther"
family discussion night?
-Get out of my house.
-Token.
Come on.
Get out.
Sure thing.
You know, we were just talking
about how your family
did see "Black Panther."
Oh, no,
not the family.
Token's mom and I
saw it on date night.
We're gonna watch it again
with Token, though.
We don't let him watch it alone
because it's PG-13.
Well, I guess there's
nothing more to it, then.
Nice talking
to you folks.
You know,
just one last thing.
If you ever found out your son
saw a PG-13 movie without you,
you'd probably
be pretty pissed off.
Well,
Token wouldn't do that.
No. No, he'd have no reason
to falsely claim
he's the only one who hasn't
seen "Black Panther."
I'll see you at school.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Sharon!
Sharon, you have to come quick!
What is it?
There's another shooting
happening at the school
right now!
It just started.
Maybe we can make it in time!
-Oh, my God!
[ Tires screech ]
Come on!
We have to hurry!
No, Sharon,
you go ahead first!
Why?
You just --
You should go!
[ Andy Williams'
"Love Story" plays ]
What the fuck
is going on?
♪♪
♪ Where do I begin ♪
♪ To tell the story
of how great a love can be? ♪
Surprise, Sharon.
♪ The sweet love story
that is older than the sea ♪
[ Toilet flushes ]
[ Water running ]
Oh, hey, man.
[ Lock clicks ]
The big math quiz
is about to start.
You gonna let me cheat
off you?
Nope.
You saw "Black Panther" without
your parents' permission.
I typed up all my findings,
Token.
I made 10 copies
and put them in envelopes.
If I don't pass this math quiz,
the envelopes are all set
to be sent to 10 different
news organizations.
You did all of that instead of
actually studying for the test?
So, what's it gonna be,
Token?
You can be mad
I didn't like "Black Panther,"
but you can't take it out
on me anymore.
I didn't see
"Black Panther."
Then I guess your parents won't
be mad when they read my report.
Cartman:
In poker, they call it a bluff.
I know that right now,
Token's shitting his pants.
All I need to do now
is wait for the poop to stink.
[ "Love Story" plays ]
♪ She fills my heart
with very special things ♪
♪ With angel songs,
with wild imaginings ♪
Token, we are running
out of time.
If you don't let me
cheat off of you,
I'm going to tell your parents
that you saw "Black Panther"
in the theater
without them.
I didn't see "Black Panther"
in the theater!
Of course you did,
Token!
That's why me ripping on it
pissed you off so much!
I swear
on my mother's life.
I don't care what you said
about "Black Panther."
Goodbye.
But, Token,
I don't understand!
If you didn't see it
and you really don't care
that I ripped
on "Black Panther,"
then why won't you
let me cheat --
Oh, my God.
You don't care what I said
because you did see it...
and you...
didn't like it either.
[ Gasps ]
That's what this
is all about, isn't it?
You hate yourself for seeing
through the mirage like I did,
And that's why you wouldn't
let me cheat off you!
Well, I didn't write
"Black Panther," Token!
It isn't my fault
it sucked!
Why go after me?
But now, it's over.
Don't worry.
They're not gonna know
you didn't like "Black Panther,"
so long as you never make me
fail another math test.
Well, we're probably both
gonna fail now
because fourth period
already started.
What?
No!
We have to take that test,
Token!
Come on! We can still get
to class on time!
[ Gunshots ]
Oh, great.
Come on! We can do this!
[ Gunfire, people screaming ]
Billy!
Give me your lunchbox!
[ Bullets ricocheting ]
Butters!
It's the entire glee club
this time!
Butters,
I have to get to class!
The math quiz
is starting!
Oh, crap!
The math quiz?
It's already
fourth period?
I can't flunk
this math quiz, Butters!
Cover me!
Well, okay!
Waaaaargh!
Wargggggghgghghh!
[ Gunfire ]
[ Music continues ]
♪ How long does it last? ♪
♪ Can love be measured
by the hours in a day? ♪
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Slow-mo scream ]
Keeeeeewl!
You did everything you could,
Mr. Marsh.
If your wife can't realize
the truth and appreciate you,
maybe she never will.
Realize what?
What have you been
telling everybody, Randy?
Randy was just trying
to make you feel loved
while you're going through
menopause.
Menopause?!
I'm not going through
fucking menopause!
How do you know?
I just got my period
this morning!
You --
You got your period?
Yes!
You just got your period
this morning.
Yes!
So, the past few days,
maybe you have been
just a little --
Sharon: No!
No!
Nothing!
Don't you guys see
what's happened here?!
I want you to be angry!
Every day, we hear
about another school shooting!
It used to be a big deal!
I want it
to be a big deal again.
I mean, Harriet,
you came to my house
and said there was
a school shooting
to trick me
into going with you!
I was just trying to be a part
of the big surprise, Sharon.
That's what I'm talking about!
That's crazy, Harriet!
I want you all to be shocked!
I want you all to be sad!
You want everyone to be sad?
Well...
Sharon, if you wanted to make
me sad, congratulations.
[ Voice breaking ]
You did a great job.
Yeah, let's go somewhere
without so much negativity.
Aw, guys,
she didn't mean it.
She just --
Give her a --
[ Sighs ]
The quiz is multiple choice, but
be sure to show all your work.
You'll have 20 minutes
to complete your answers.
All right.
Your time starts now.
Cartman:
Everybody has dirty laundry.
All it takes to find it is
getting a little dirty yourself.
The only question now is,
how many other Tokens
are out there?
How many others
are afraid to say
that "Black Panther" wasn't
all that sweet
because of the damage
it could do to them?
What do you mean?
I mean, in a school
of 200 students,
there's already two
who are covering up the truth.
All Token is doing by letting
you cheat off him
is keeping the whole thing
quiet even longer.
There are others out there...
and even if it means failing,
I'm their only damn hope.
Randy?
We need to talk.
Sure, honey.
There's been too much
pain and suffering,
and it has to stop.
I know, sweetheart.
I know.
What I'm trying
to say is...
I've been
very emotional lately,
and maybe --
maybe I do overreact
sometimes.
Waaaah?
Maybe I need to realize
that my emotions can be hormonal
and not just
take things out on you.
Aaaah?
Aaaaah?
Randy...
I'm...sorry.
Aaaah.
Aaaaaah.
[ Voice breaking ]
Thank you, Sharon.
I don't know what it's like
to have periods,
but I'll try to be more
understanding from now on.
[ Cellphone rings ]
Sorry. Sorry.
One second.
[ Keypad beeps ]
Hello?
Yes.
What?
When?
Oh, my God.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Okay. Okay.
[ Keypad beeps ]
What is it?
There's been another
school shooting.
Stan's been shot.
Should we get down there?
[ Sighs ]
It's not
the end of the world.
Aaaah.
[ Laughing ]
I love you, Sharon.
Therapist: Red handkerchief.
No -- No more handkerchief.
No more -- No more red.
Zero.
Empty.
Old lady.
-What I'm saying
is that I'm so overwhelmed
that I --
Old lady, where's my dick?
Where's my dick?
What the hell
are you talking about?!
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
Les:
♪ Headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph
mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph
mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
Les:
♪ Come on down to South Park,
and meet some friends of mine ♪
I want you all
to take a close look
at your math exams,
children.
Some of you did very well,
but many of you did not.
Aw, man!
The addition of fractions
is very simple.
Let's run through it again.
How do we solve this first one?
[ Gunshots ]
[ People screaming ]
Add together
the 3 and the 3!
Good, Butters.
We add the 3's together.
And what about the 4's?
Token?
They're the denominators,
so they stay a 4.
Wait, wait!
Token got an "A"?
But I cheated off of Token!
[ Siren wails ]
I-I can't hear you, Eric.
I said something's wrong!
I got an "F,"
but I cheated off Token!
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
Man on radio:
All units, report in.
And now we divide,
right?
Craig, how about you?
What are we dividing?
[ Tactical guys shouting
in background ]
Divide 4 by 6?
The 4 by 6...
Unit five
in southwest classroom!
...or the 6 by the 4?
The 6 by the 4.
Southwest classroom clear!
Man on radio: Copy.
Southwest classroom clear.
Now, we're gonna re-take
the exam on Friday.
[ Kids groan ]
Shooter's in the hallway!
All units, report!
[ Gunfire ]
Now, I'm giving you
an opportunity to do better.
I hope you take advantage
of it.
Put down the gun, son.
You can see where Token
erased his answers
and wrote in the right ones!
You don't want to do this!
He did it to me
on purpose!
[ Gunshot ]
Eric, that's enough.
Man on radio: Shooter is down.
Shooter is down.
Now, let's move on
to the next equation.
[ Police radio chatter ]
[ Helicopter blades whirring,
siren chirps ]
[ School bell rings ]
[ Kids cheering ]
That is such bullshit,
you guys!
Token knew I was cheating
off of him,
so he deliberately put down
the wrong answers!
Why would he do that?
I flunked that test,
too.
I don't understand fractions.
They don't make any sense.
That's not the point,
you guys.
Why is Token
out to get me?
There's something
going on here.
Another school shooting today
has left students
in shock and disbelief.
Yeah, Token's probably
sick of you
cheating off of him
all the time.
But why now?
That's the question, Kyle.
I always cheat off Token.
Why did he choose now
to hurt me?
Stanley!
Stanley,
oh, my God!
Baby!
Oh, you're okay!
Uh, hey, Mom.
It's all right,
Stanley.
We're gonna go home and talk
about this with your dad.
And we will get through this
as a family.
Come on.
Get in the car.
Dude, what's up
Stan's mom's ass?
[ Utensils clack, scrape ]
Stanley...
Well?
Do you want
to tell your father
about what happened
at school today?
Um...
O-Oh.
I flunked my math quiz.
No!
The other thing!
What other thing?
What happened
at school today?
Oh, the school
shooting?
Yes!
The school shooting!
Oh, yeah.
Some kid shot up the school.
Who shot up the schoo--
Was it you?
No.
Did you get shot?
No.
Oh.
Well, what's this
about failing a math quiz?
Are you serious?!
Did you not hear
what your child said?!
Kids died at his school!
I'm sorry, Sharon.
I --
Why are you all acting
like this is normal?
What is wrong
with you people?
What's up mom's ass?
Hey, Sharon.
You doing okay?
No, I'm not okay!
Children were shot!
They were killed
at a school
where they were supposed
to be safe!
Uh-huh, and...
what else is going on?
Why does there need
to be anything else?!
Are you kidding me?!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Sharon.
Why isn't anyone else
emotional?!
Hon, uh...
when was your last...
I mean,
you know how sometimes
Things can seem
like a little bigger deal
'cause, you know,
your...down there?
Don't you dare suggest
that I'm only emotional
because it's --
I'm -- I'm just -- I'm just
Pointing out
that it is around that time.
Get out, Randy!
I'm not overreacting!
Okay. Okay. Love you, honey.
I'll leave you alone.
[ Sighs ]
Whelp, another three days
of this, probably.
I understand that
there have been
some problems
here at the school lately.
A lot of students
are experiencing anxiety,
and Eric Cartman just wanted to
be able to voice his concerns.
Go ahead, Eric.
Token.
[ Sighs ]
There are some terrible things
that I realize
you might have heard from
the other kids here at school.
There are some rumors that have
been going around about me
that -- that I thought
"Black Panther"
was a terrible movie.
There's rumors that I said
it was a structural mess,
you know, that the rhinos
were really stupid.
I want to assure you
that I never said
anything like that.
I loved "Black Panther."
So if, you know, you feel like
there's a need to come after me
to get back at me,
I just need you to know
that people are lying
because I liked "Black Panther"
just as much as you did.
I am not a racist.
I actually never saw
"Black Panther."
Say what,
girlfrriend?!
Whatchu talkin' 'bout,
Willis?!
Come on, Rog!
You never saw "Black Panther?"
No, I didn't see it.
But I thought
all of you saw it.
[ Gunshots ]
I got this one.
[ People screaming ]
All right, everyone,
get down!
Everybody,
get the fuck down!
Token, let's be honest
with each other, okay?
Why else would you manipulate
my test grades?
How exactly did Token manipulate
your grades, Eric?
[ Gunshot and screaming
continues ]
There was a test.
I should have got
an "A" on it,
but Token did things
to make me fail,
and it's not fair.
M'kay! M'kay!
Who's shootin' up the school?
Is that true, Token?
Did you do something
to make Eric fail a test?
I didn't
make him fail, no.
You didn't make me fail
the test,
and you didn't see
"Black Panther." Right.
I mean -- I mean,
this is ridiculous.
Over this way!
Into the cafeteria!
Right over there, m'kay?
No, you shot the wrong one!
Thanks for coming,
everybody.
I'm sure you all heard
there was yet another
school shooting today.
We have to figure out what
we're going to do as parents
because this whole thing
is out of control.
[ Sighs ]
We have to ask ourselves
why this is happening
and do something now!
Well, you know, Sharon,
I think it is
a complex issue, you know.
It's -- It's not really
as simple as just --
What I'm saying is that --
that with issues like this,
sometimes you have
to be kind of...crazy?
What are you
talking about?!
Do you understand that our
children are being murdered?
Red.
How much closer to home
can this all hit?
It was at our
children's school!
Crazy time.
Crazy red time.
I agree with my wife.
Well, there certainly are
things that need changing.
Just yesterday, I was
at the park with my son Craig,
and have you seen the state
of the playground equipment?
Not only does it seem unsafe,
but it's become quite
an eyesore.
The whole park could use
an upgrade, if you ask me.
It's become a camp-out
for the homeless.
Are you fucking joking?!
You're gonna take one second
to compare child murder
to park upgrades?!
What is wrong
with everybody?!
You've all gone crazy!
Anybody need a drink?
[ School bell rings ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Metal detectors beeping ]
[ Dogs bark ]
[ Conversations continue ]
Butters.
Waah!
Oh!
Oh, hey, Eric!
Butters, I need help.
My mom said
if I flunk another math test,
she's gonna ground me
from playing "Fortnite."
Oh, geez.
You want me to help you study?
No, dumbass.
I need to get
some dirt on Token
so he stops punishing me
for what I supposedly said
about "Black Panther."
Ooh.
"Black Panther"?
Well,
that was a great movie!
No, it wasn't.
But now, listen.
There's got to be something
Token wouldn't want
people to know,
something I can use
as leverage.
Well, what do you want
me to do?
I got hall monitor duty.
Just ask around.
If you find any dirt on Token,
give me a call.
Okay, Eric.
Cartman: This world is full
of two types of people --
the ones who are honest,
and the ones who don't play
by the rules.
Token's got everyone believing
he's the one African American
in the entire country
who didn't see "Black Panther."
What else is he lying about?
[ Sobs ]
[ Blows nose ]
It just gets so hard,
you know?
Everything's going fine,
and then at a certain time
of the month,
I have to start walking
on eggshells.
It's all right,
Randy.
It's just -- It's just once,
I'd like her to acknowledge it,
you know?
Just once say,
"You know, maybe I was
overreacting a little bit
'cause of my hormones."
Randy, they just announced
on the news
there's been another school
shooting in Jefferson County!
Okay, Sharon.
Cool.
What is cool
about that?!
N-Nothing.
I love you, sweetheart.
God!
[ Sighs ]
I don't know.
I don't know how much
more of this I can take.
It's like I turn on the TV
and dread they'll say something
about a school shooting
because it's gonna set
my wife off.
Well, Randy,
have you stopped to think
that maybe this problem
is bigger than Sharon's period?
[ Sniffles ]
What -- What do you mean?
I mean that maybe what's
going on really is a big deal.
What if this is actually...
menopause?
Menopause?
I don't even know
what that is.
[ Police radio chatter ]
[ Helicopter blades whirring,
siren chirps ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Well, you see, Mr. Marsh,
when the woman's ovaries
actually stop producing eggs,
it's a significant change.
It's this ending
of the the menstrual cycle
in a woman's life
that we call
menopause.
Uh-huh.
But if a woman
isn't having periods anymore,
then why would she still
overreact and be bitchy?
Well, actually, menopause
is one of the most
severely hormonal times
a woman ever goes through.
It's good you sought the advice
of a medical professional
because the changes
in your wife's body
are going to be confusing
and at times hard to cope with.
Well, wait. You're saying this
could actually get worse?
I'm afraid so.
Ah, no.
Dead ones go in the other truck.
You see, Mr. Marsh,
menopause is almost like
a super period,
and it's been known
to last...
for up to two years.
Oh, my God.
[ Door squeaks ]
Nichole,
can I talk to you?
'Bout what?
Word on the street is
you and Token are back together.
We're trying.
Just talking a lot and seeing
if we can work things out.
Why did you break up with him?
What did he do to you?
That's...really
none of your business.
He didn't take you
to see "Black Panther"
with him, did he?
That must have
really stung.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh, no?
When you guys talk about how
sweet "Black Panther" was,
what's he say?
We've never talked
about it.
Right.
You two guys
just hang out and talk,
and "Black Panther"
never comes up.
Why are you covering for Token?
What's he have on you?
I gotta get to class.
Cartman: $1.3 billion
domestic box office.
A milestone
for African Americans.
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
And I'm supposed to believe
that Token
and his little sex kitten
never even talked about it.
The all school test
is in less than 72 hours.
Unless I find a connection,
I'll be grounded
from "Fortnite" for weeks.
[ Mouse clicks ]
Hello, Mom and Dad.
I keep thinking,
when will be the time
that I get the call?
You know?
When will I answer the phone
and find out
my son, my daughter
were killed at school?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I see.
I live in constant fear
that I won't be there
to protect my children when
something happens to them.
Well, Sharon,
have you maybe considered
that your feelings
are partly due to...
handkerchief balls?
What?
Handkerchief balls.
Handkerchief out the balls.
Red handkerchief.
No -- No more handkerchief.
No more -- No more red.
Zero.
Empty.
Old lady.
-What I'm saying
is that I'm so overwhelmed
that I --
Old lady, where's my dick?
Where's my dick?
What the hell
are you talking about?!
I don't understand!
God damn it!
Stop acting like there's
something wrong with me.
Something's wrong with you,
all of you!
Try having
some goddamn compassion!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You know, my other favorite part
was when Black Panther
had those dreams
about his dead father.
I mean the dad,
the tribal leader,
speaking to the new king
about being a good leader.
I've never seen a movie
do that before,
except for "Lion King"
of course,
but "Black Panther"
was so original.
We enjoyed it, yes.
So, uh, what was Token's
favorite part
of "Black Panther"?
Token?
Yeah.
You must have all had some
deep family talks about it.
What does Token say about it
on "Black Panther"
family discussion night?
-Get out of my house.
-Token.
Come on.
Get out.
Sure thing.
You know, we were just talking
about how your family
did see "Black Panther."
Oh, no,
not the family.
Token's mom and I
saw it on date night.
We're gonna watch it again
with Token, though.
We don't let him watch it alone
because it's PG-13.
Well, I guess there's
nothing more to it, then.
Nice talking
to you folks.
You know,
just one last thing.
If you ever found out your son
saw a PG-13 movie without you,
you'd probably
be pretty pissed off.
Well,
Token wouldn't do that.
No. No, he'd have no reason
to falsely claim
he's the only one who hasn't
seen "Black Panther."
I'll see you at school.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Sharon!
Sharon, you have to come quick!
What is it?
There's another shooting
happening at the school
right now!
It just started.
Maybe we can make it in time!
-Oh, my God!
[ Tires screech ]
Come on!
We have to hurry!
No, Sharon,
you go ahead first!
Why?
You just --
You should go!
[ Andy Williams'
"Love Story" plays ]
What the fuck
is going on?
♪♪
♪ Where do I begin ♪
♪ To tell the story
of how great a love can be? ♪
Surprise, Sharon.
♪ The sweet love story
that is older than the sea ♪
[ Toilet flushes ]
[ Water running ]
Oh, hey, man.
[ Lock clicks ]
The big math quiz
is about to start.
You gonna let me cheat
off you?
Nope.
You saw "Black Panther" without
your parents' permission.
I typed up all my findings,
Token.
I made 10 copies
and put them in envelopes.
If I don't pass this math quiz,
the envelopes are all set
to be sent to 10 different
news organizations.
You did all of that instead of
actually studying for the test?
So, what's it gonna be,
Token?
You can be mad
I didn't like "Black Panther,"
but you can't take it out
on me anymore.
I didn't see
"Black Panther."
Then I guess your parents won't
be mad when they read my report.
Cartman:
In poker, they call it a bluff.
I know that right now,
Token's shitting his pants.
All I need to do now
is wait for the poop to stink.
[ "Love Story" plays ]
♪ She fills my heart
with very special things ♪
♪ With angel songs,
with wild imaginings ♪
Token, we are running
out of time.
If you don't let me
cheat off of you,
I'm going to tell your parents
that you saw "Black Panther"
in the theater
without them.
I didn't see "Black Panther"
in the theater!
Of course you did,
Token!
That's why me ripping on it
pissed you off so much!
I swear
on my mother's life.
I don't care what you said
about "Black Panther."
Goodbye.
But, Token,
I don't understand!
If you didn't see it
and you really don't care
that I ripped
on "Black Panther,"
then why won't you
let me cheat --
Oh, my God.
You don't care what I said
because you did see it...
and you...
didn't like it either.
[ Gasps ]
That's what this
is all about, isn't it?
You hate yourself for seeing
through the mirage like I did,
And that's why you wouldn't
let me cheat off you!
Well, I didn't write
"Black Panther," Token!
It isn't my fault
it sucked!
Why go after me?
But now, it's over.
Don't worry.
They're not gonna know
you didn't like "Black Panther,"
so long as you never make me
fail another math test.
Well, we're probably both
gonna fail now
because fourth period
already started.
What?
No!
We have to take that test,
Token!
Come on! We can still get
to class on time!
[ Gunshots ]
Oh, great.
Come on! We can do this!
[ Gunfire, people screaming ]
Billy!
Give me your lunchbox!
[ Bullets ricocheting ]
Butters!
It's the entire glee club
this time!
Butters,
I have to get to class!
The math quiz
is starting!
Oh, crap!
The math quiz?
It's already
fourth period?
I can't flunk
this math quiz, Butters!
Cover me!
Well, okay!
Waaaaargh!
Wargggggghgghghh!
[ Gunfire ]
[ Music continues ]
♪ How long does it last? ♪
♪ Can love be measured
by the hours in a day? ♪
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Slow-mo scream ]
Keeeeeewl!
You did everything you could,
Mr. Marsh.
If your wife can't realize
the truth and appreciate you,
maybe she never will.
Realize what?
What have you been
telling everybody, Randy?
Randy was just trying
to make you feel loved
while you're going through
menopause.
Menopause?!
I'm not going through
fucking menopause!
How do you know?
I just got my period
this morning!
You --
You got your period?
Yes!
You just got your period
this morning.
Yes!
So, the past few days,
maybe you have been
just a little --
Sharon: No!
No!
Nothing!
Don't you guys see
what's happened here?!
I want you to be angry!
Every day, we hear
about another school shooting!
It used to be a big deal!
I want it
to be a big deal again.
I mean, Harriet,
you came to my house
and said there was
a school shooting
to trick me
into going with you!
I was just trying to be a part
of the big surprise, Sharon.
That's what I'm talking about!
That's crazy, Harriet!
I want you all to be shocked!
I want you all to be sad!
You want everyone to be sad?
Well...
Sharon, if you wanted to make
me sad, congratulations.
[ Voice breaking ]
You did a great job.
Yeah, let's go somewhere
without so much negativity.
Aw, guys,
she didn't mean it.
She just --
Give her a --
[ Sighs ]
The quiz is multiple choice, but
be sure to show all your work.
You'll have 20 minutes
to complete your answers.
All right.
Your time starts now.
Cartman:
Everybody has dirty laundry.
All it takes to find it is
getting a little dirty yourself.
The only question now is,
how many other Tokens
are out there?
How many others
are afraid to say
that "Black Panther" wasn't
all that sweet
because of the damage
it could do to them?
What do you mean?
I mean, in a school
of 200 students,
there's already two
who are covering up the truth.
All Token is doing by letting
you cheat off him
is keeping the whole thing
quiet even longer.
There are others out there...
and even if it means failing,
I'm their only damn hope.
Randy?
We need to talk.
Sure, honey.
There's been too much
pain and suffering,
and it has to stop.
I know, sweetheart.
I know.
What I'm trying
to say is...
I've been
very emotional lately,
and maybe --
maybe I do overreact
sometimes.
Waaaah?
Maybe I need to realize
that my emotions can be hormonal
and not just
take things out on you.
Aaaah?
Aaaaah?
Randy...
I'm...sorry.
Aaaah.
Aaaaaah.
[ Voice breaking ]
Thank you, Sharon.
I don't know what it's like
to have periods,
but I'll try to be more
understanding from now on.
[ Cellphone rings ]
Sorry. Sorry.
One second.
[ Keypad beeps ]
Hello?
Yes.
What?
When?
Oh, my God.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Okay. Okay.
[ Keypad beeps ]
What is it?
There's been another
school shooting.
Stan's been shot.
Should we get down there?
[ Sighs ]
It's not
the end of the world.
Aaaah.
[ Laughing ]
I love you, Sharon.
Therapist: Red handkerchief.
No -- No more handkerchief.
No more -- No more red.
Zero.
Empty.
Old lady.
-What I'm saying
is that I'm so overwhelmed
that I --
Old lady, where's my dick?
Where's my dick?
What the hell
are you talking about?!