South Park (1997–…): Season 14, Episode 6 - 201 - full transcript

♪ I'M GOIN'
DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪

♪ GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME ♪

♪ FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE ♪

♪ HUMBLE FOLKS
WITHOUT TEMPTATION ♪

♪ I'M GOIN'
DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪

♪ GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND ♪

♪ AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT,
PEOPLE SPOUTING HOWDY NEIGHBOR ♪

♪ HEADIN' ON UP TO SOUTH PARK,
GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND ♪

♪ [muffled] ♪

♪ COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK
AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE ♪

SAIGON IS A HELL OF A PLACE...



I'VE SEEN A LOT OF DEATH,
A LOT OF SUFFERING.

DARKNESS THAT MOST
PEOPLE COULDN'T STAND TO SEE...

I TRIED TO SIT IT
OUT AS MUCH AS I COULD.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, CONNER?!
DON'T LIKE A LITTLE BLOOD?!

NO, I DON'T LIKE A LITTLE BLOOD.

BLOOD AIN'T THE STUFF FOR
18 YEAR OLD BOYS FROM SHEBOYGAN.

BLOOD AIN'T THE STUFF
FOR MITCH CONNER...

INCOMING!

CONNER, MITCHELL.
YOU'RE DISCHARGED, SON.

AND THAT'S THAT.

PACK YOUR BAGS,
YOU'RE HEADED HOME.

HUGS AND
KISSES FROM UNCLE SAM.

SO HOW DO I END UP HERE?

WITH A 9 YEAR OLD KID, WHO JUST
WANTS TO KNOW WHO HIS FATHER IS...



LIFE IS FUNNY LIKE THAT.

ONE DAY YOU'RE SIFTING THROUGH
THE GUTS OF SOME GOOK IN VIETNAM

AND THE NEXT YOU'RE PLAYING
DOCTOR PHIL

WITH SOME KID AND HIS TEACHER.

ERIC, I... I'M REALLY SORRY THAT YOU
WERE PUT THROUGH ALL THIS.

SORRY IS A FOUR LETTER
WORD WITH A "Y" ON THE END.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN
ANYTHING TO THIS POOR KID.

THAT'S RIGHT.

TELL ME THE TRUTH.
NOW!

ALL I CAN TELL YOU ERIC IS THAT WE WERE
ALL TOLD TO STICK TO THE STORY.

TO PROTECT SOMEONE
VERY IMPORTANT.

I CAN'T SAY MORE.
I WON'T!

BUT I'LL...I'LL TELL YOU
WHO HAS THE ANSWER....

LOOK, GINGERS...

YOU SAID YOU WANTED
BLEEP WE GOT HIM FOR YOU!

WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING
IF BLEEP IS REALLY IN THERE!

MY FRIEND AND I WENT TO THE SUPER BEST
FRIENDS AND BROUGHT HIM HERE!

THEN HAVE HIM STEP OUT OF
THE BEAR COSTUME!

YOU HAVE UNTIL THE COUNT OF TEN.

ONE!

DON'T DO IT RANDY,
IF BLEEP IS SEEN WE COULD GET BOMBED!

TWO!
-IDIOT! IF HE ISN'T SEEN,

WE'RE ABOUT TO DEFINITELY GET BOMBED!
- THREE!

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT STOP!!!...
WE'LL DO WHAT YOU SAY.

I'M SORRY, BLEEP, BUT WILL PLEASE STEP
OUT OF THE BEAR COSTUME?

OKAY, SO UM... SEE? BLEEP...

THAT ISN'T BLEEP,
THAT'S SANTY CLAUS.

SORRY BOYS, I TRIED...
- AW CRAP.

BOYS YOU GOT SANTA
TO BE BLEEP?!WHEN?!

WHEN YOU ALL SAID YOU WERE GONNA
HAND BLEEP OVER TO TOM CRUISE.

WE PROMISED JESUS THAT BLEEP
WOULD STAY SAFELY IN THE U-HAUL!!!

I'M SORRY, KYLE. I REALLY THOUGHT MY
IDEA WOULD WORK FOR YOU...

IF WE WERE GONNA HAVE
SOMEONE IN A BEAR COSTUME

WHY WOULD WE ACTUALLY HAVE IT
BE BLEEP YOU STUPID BLEEP IDIOT.

SO WHERE IS HE?!

[ROARING IN BACKGROUND]

MEANWHILE, AT THE HALL OF THE
SUPER BEST FRIENDS...

[SNORTS]

BUDDHA, WILL YOU
LAY OFF THAT STUFF ALREADY?

IT'S GETTING TO BE A PROBLEM.

OH AND YOU'RE ONE TO TALK.
WITH ALL YOUR INTERNET PORN.

WATCHING PORN ISN'T
LIKE DOING COKE, FAG!

JESUS CHRIST!

WHAT?!

WE'VE GOT A DISTRESS
SIGNAL COMING IN!

ON THE SUPER BEST SCREEN!

SUPER BEST FRIENDS!
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP US!

THE CASA BONITA
IS UNDER ATTACK!!!!!

[GUNSHOTS]
[SCREAMING]

GREAT SCOTT! IT'S BARBARA
STREISAND!!!!!!

I THOUGHT BARBARA STREISAND HAD

BEEN DESTROYED BY THE ROBERT SMITH!

YEAH! WHO WOULD HAVE
ACTIVATED HER AGAIN?!

I DON'T KNOW, SEMEN.

[SNICKERING]

IT'S SEA MAN.

THE CASA BONITA IS GONE!
JESUS HELP US!!!!

JESUS, THAT'S WHERE
THOSE BOYS TOOK BLEEP!

WE HAVE TO STOP HER!

ON THE SUPER BEST
FRIENDS POWER CYCLES!

[THUNDER]

[SOFT MUSIC]

THERE, THERE
MY LITTLE MOUSE FRIEND...

SOON YOU WILL HAVE MORE ASSES
THAN YOU EVER DREAMED OF...

AHH KEVIN, YOU BROUGHT ME MY
FONSECA. THAT'S A GOOD BOY...

[KNOCKING]

WHAT'S THIS? SOMEONE
IS AT THE DOOR, KEVIN.

[KNOCKING]

WE'VE TRIED TO BE LEFT ALONE, KEVIN.

WHO WOULD DISTURB US AT THIS HOUR?

WE MUST BE CAREFUL.

WHY, IT'S AN AFRICAN
AMERICAN MAN, KEVIN...

YES?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YO, MAN, SORRY TO BOTHER YA BUT

THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT DOWN
THE STREET MAN!

CAN I USE YOUR TELEPHONE?

OH, I'M... I'M TERRIBLY SORRY BUT
I DON'T LET STRANGERS IN.

YO I UNDERSTAND, MAN,
BUT THIS ASSIDENT IS REAL BAD, DAWG.

MY LADY'S LEGS IS ALL
BUSTED UP N' BEEP

SHE'S ALL CRAWLING AROUND

ON THE ROAD LOOKIN'
LIKE A CRIPPLED CRAB, MAN,

I JUST NEED
AN AMBULANCE, DAWG.

THERE'S A GAS STATION ABOUT
HALF A MILE DOWN THE ROAD.

THEY HAVE A PHONE THERE.

OKAY, I SEE...
I GUESS I UNDERSTAND.

YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO
LET A BLACK MAN IN YOUR HOUSE.

NO, PLEASE,
IT ISN'T THAT AT ALL.

NO I GETS IT MAN.

THOUGHT THANGS HAD
CHANGED THROUGH.

THOUGHT WHEN WE GOT A BLACK
PRESIDENT, THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

WE GOTS A BLACK PRESIDENT BUT
WHITEY STILL DON'T TRUST ME

TO USE HIS
MOTHER BLEEP PHONE.

NO WAIT I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE
RIGHT... WE DO HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT.

PLEASE, COME IN.

AHH HAAAA!!!!!
- AGHGHGH!

AHGHGHGGH!!!

NICE WORK, CONNER.

YEAH. THE THE OL' HASN'T
ANYTHING CHANGED SPEECH---

WORKS ON WHITE
PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.

ERIC CARTMAN?

SURPRISED TO SEE ME ASSHOLE?
CLOSE THE DOOR.

[SCREAMING]

HOLY CRAP!!!

CHEERY HO!

MY NAME IS PIP!

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IF
YOU WOULDN'T MIND

NOT SMASHING OUR LITTLE
TOWN TO BITS!

AHGHGGHGHGH!!!

MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF
DOOM

-- WHICH IS TOM CRUISE'S HOUSE...

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?!

CELEBRITIES
CAN GET VIOLENT TOO!!!

MR. CRUISE, PLEASE CALL
BARBARASTREISAND OFF!
[ALL SHUDDER]

SHE'S DESTROYING EVERYTHING!

WE WILL CALL HER OFF
WHEN YOU GIVE US BLEEP!

WE DON'T HAVE BLEEP WE
AREN'T SURE WHERE HE IS!

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!

GET HIM BACK OR
BABS WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!

OH BOY!

[SCREAMING]

KENNY! KENNY DUDE
WHAT THE HELL?!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE WATCHING BLEEP!

I AM!
HE'S RIGHT THERE.

OH THANK GOD.
HEY BLEEP.

REALLY SORRY
ABOUT ALL THIS, DUDE.

SO WHAT THE HECK ARE WE
GONNA DO NOW?

BLEEP ISN'T SAFE HERE!

THE GINGERS AND CELEBRITIES
ALL WANT A PIECE OF HIM

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE WE CAN GO!

[SNAPS FINGERS]
WAIT-- NO WAIT A MINUTE.

I'VE GOT IT. I'VE TOTALLY GOT IT!
- WHAT?

REMEMBER THE TIME WE GOT AN
ELEPHANT TO MAKE LOVE TO A PIG?!

YEAH...?

I TOTALLY NOW HOW WE
CAN GIVE THE GINGERS AND

THE CELEBRITIES
WHAT THEY WANT,

BUT KEEP BLEEP SAFE!
COME ON!

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

SHE'S GOING TO GET
OUR COFFEE STORE NEXT!

OOOH!
JESUS CHRIST!!!

THAT'S ENOUGH BARBARA
STREISAND!!!!! KWAAAAA!!!!

[ROARING]

SMITH!
TRY YOUR ICE BREATH!

[WIND HOWLING]

NO GOOD!

LOOK OUT!

BARBARA STREISAND'S USING
HER TOXIC STINK RAY!

[ROARING]

[GAGGING, COUGHING]

ERIC... YOUR FATHER NEVER
WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN.

HE WAS PROTECTING
YOU AS WELL AS THEM.

THEM WHO?!

ERIC, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND-
IT'S ALL VERY COMPLICATED.

THEN START
EXPLAINING IT TO ME.

(SIGHS)
VERY WELL.

COME ON BLEEP
THE DOOR'S OPEN!

DOCTOR MEPHESTO WE
NEED YOUR HELP!

OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD NOW

EVERYBODY'S LETTING
THEMSELVES IN!

DOCTOR, THIS IS BLEEP!
WE WANT YOU TO CLONE HIM!

SO WE CAN GIVE HIS COPIES TO
GINGERS AND BARBARA STREISAND.

OH... ALRIGHT...

NO, NO, NO-

HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING
EXCEPT EXPLAINING WHO MY FATHER IS.

DUDE, THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO
PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.

IT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

DUDE, NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT
WHO YOUR STUPID FATHER IS!

BLEEP IS AN IMPORTANT ISSUE WITH
ACTUAL ETHICAL RAMIFICATIONS.

I GUARANTEE YOU, PEOPLE CARE
WAYMORE ABOUT WHO MY FATHER IS.

IN THE SMALL MOUNTAIN
TOWN OF SOUTH PARK,

THE HOLY PROPHET OF
THE MORMON RELIGION

IS TRYING TO FLY UP THE NOSE
OF A DEADLY FEMALE SINGER.

WAHGGHGH!

OUR POWERS AREN'T
WORKING, SWALLOW!

WE CAN'T ATTACK STREISAND'S
NOSE, IT'S JUST TOO BIG!

WE HAVE TO FIND
ANOTHER WEAK SPOT!

MOSES!

WHAT?

WE NEED TO KNOW ANY WEAKNESS
BARBARA STREISAND MIGHT HAVE.

UM... LEMME THINK... UM...

OH I KNOW.

BARBARA STREISAND CAN'T RESIST
SINGING DUETS WITH NEIL DIAMOND.

ALRIGHT, I'LL BUILD A STAGE.

LAO TSU USE MIND CONTROL
TO GET A HUGE AUDIENCE.

BUDDHA AND SMITH
USE POWERS TO FIND A BAND.

SEMEN, YOU AND SWALLOW
GO GET US SUSHI FOR DINNER.

(CRACKING UP)

IT'S SEA MAN AND SWALLOW!

OKAY, SEMEN YOU
GUYS HEAD OFF.

FINE!
SWALLOW COME!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[LAUGHING]
NO WAY HE JUST SAID THAT!

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT LOOK, JUST
TELL CARTMAN WHO IS DAD IS REAL QUICK

SO WE CAN CLONE BLEEP.

IT'S A COMPLICATED STORY... I
JUST CAN'T TELL HIM QUICKLY.

THEN WE'LL WAIT BECAUSE
WE HAVE TO CLONE BLEEP NOW.

IS BLEEP MORE IMPORTANT THAN A
LITTLE BOYS BROKEN HEART?

OH YOU ARE NOT
DOING THAT AGAIN.

LOOK MEPHESTO-

YOU TELL THIS KID WHO HIS
FATHER IS AND YOU DO IT NOW!

STOP TALKING WITH
YOUR STUPID HAND.

WHO YOU
CALLING STUPID, JEW?

COME ON YOU GUYS
WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

[KNOCKING]

YES?!

HEY I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU!
THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT...

I NEED A PHONE!

YEAH, RIGHT. LET ME GUESS-
YOU'RE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN.

WELL... YES I AM, BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT HAS TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

BEAT IT! I'M NOT HELPING YOU!

DUDE!
- THAT'S NOT COOL!

NO, NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WE UNDERSTAND YOU JUST SOUNDED
LIKE A FREAKING RACIST!

WE DON'T LIVE IN THE
SIXTIES ANYMORE YOU KNOW --

WE HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT!

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, JEEZ-

HA HAAA!!!!!

OH CRAP THE GINGERS!

GINGERS?! NOO!!!!!

LATER,
AT THE LEGION OF DOOM...

TOM, TOM! THE GINGERS ARE
CLAIMING ZEY HAVE BLEEP!

WHAT?!
IMPOSSIBLE!

ZEY ARE SENDING
A MESSAGE NOW!

ON SCREEN!

(SPITTING SOUND)
WE HAVE BLEEP! WE HAVE BLEEP!

HE'S USELESS TO YOU!

YOU CAN'T GET BLEEP
POWER TO NOT BE MADE FUN OF

WITHOUT THE ROB REINER
GOO TRANSFER MACHINE!

WHY DO YOU THINK
WE'RE CALLING?!

OUR BOSS IS WILLING
TO SHARE BLEEP WITH YOU

IF YOU'RE WILLING TO SHARE
THE GOO MACHINE WITH US.

YOUR... BOSS?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED
GINGERS, SO LET US GO!

OH NO, NO! THE HEAD GINGER
HAS PLANS FOR YOU...

WHAT HEAD GINGER?
AND WHERE'S CARTMAN?

HA, HA... THE HEAD GINGER HAS SOMETHING
REALLY SPECIAL PLANNED FOR HIM...

HELLO? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
WHERE AM I?

YOU REALLY GOT YOURSELF IN A
MESS THIS TIME, KID.

SHUT UP, CONNER... HOW ABOUT I
SHOVE THIS FLASHLIGHT IN YOUR MOUTH.

MARRMGMGMMM....

HELLO?! I'M HERE,
WHOEVER YOU ARE...

(LAUGHS)

ERIC CARTMAN... I'VE WAITED A
LONG TIME FOR THIS.

DADDY?
-[LAUGHS]

GUESS AGAIN.

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

WELCOME, TO MY
CHILI CON CARNIVAL!

CHILI CON CARNIVAL?
WAIT A MINUTE... NO IT CAN'T BE.

OH BUT IT CAN!

REVENGE IS A
DISH BEST SERVED...CHILI!

SCOTT TENORMAN..
EWWW...

MEANWHILE -- AT THE CONCERT
STAGE JESUS BUILT

WITH HIS POWER OF
SUPER CARPENTRY...

THAT'S IT, JESUS!

THE BAND HAS BEEN PAID AND
THE PA SYSTEM IS WORKING!

ALRIGHT KRISHNA,
THE REST IS UP TO YOU!

FORM OF -- NEIL DIAMOND!

[CROWD CHEERING]

IF YOU ALL WOULDN'T MIND...

I'D LIKE TO INVITE A SPECIAL
FRIEND TO JOIN ME ON STAGE.

MISS BARBARA STREISAND!

LET'S HOPE TO CHRIST THIS WORKS..

HELLO GORGEOUS...

WHAT'D YA SAY? SHALL WE SING
TOGETHER AGAIN LIKE THE OL' TIMES?

EAERHGGHHHGHGH!!!!!

[MUSIC STARTS]

EARHGHGHGHGHHGHGHG!!!!
EARHGHGHGHGHHGHGHG!!!!

WELL THAT'S BECAUSE
I LOVED YOU GIRL,

AND I STILL LOVE YOU NOW.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY-

EARHGHGHGHGHHGHGHG!!!!
[CROWD CHEERING]

THAT MIGHT BE TRUE, BUT I STILL
MISS YOU AT NIGHT...

ARHGHGGHG

WHEN YOU ROLL OVER BY MY SIDE,
AND YOU KISS ME GOODNIGHT...

ARHGHGGHG GHGGHGHGHGH!!!!!
[CROWD CHEERING AND COUGHING]

IT WORKED, JESUS! ,

YEAH... AND NOW TO FIND BLEEP
AND TAKE DOWN TOM CRUISE!

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN
YOU HAD MY PARENT'S KILLED

AND FED THEM TO ME AS CHILI?!

I SPENT QUITE A WHILE IN A
MENTAL INSTITUTION ERIC...

A LOT OF TIME FOR ME TO LEARN
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

SO THAT ONE DAY
I COULD TAKE YOU DOWN.

I EVEN LEARNED THE
NAME OF YOUR FATHER.

OH I KNOW YOU'RE CONFUSED,
WHO WOULDN'T BE?!

YOU'VE BEEN LIED
TO BY EVERYONE!

EVEN BY YOUR OWN MOTHER.
HA HA HAAA!

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!

I WANTED TO TORMENT YOU
WITH YOUR FATHER'S IDENTITY...

BUT WHAT I FOUND WAS MORE SHOCKING
THAN I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY GUESSED!

MEANWHILE,
AT THE GINGERS' LAIR...

ALRIGHT, BLEEP IS SECURE!

LET'S DO THIS.

THROW THE SWITCH, ROB!

UGHGHGHGHGH...
YES! I CAN FEEL IT!

I CAN FEEL THE POWER TO NOT BE
RIDICULED FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS!

EEEEEYAAA!!!!

A HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!

OMG! IT WORKED!!!!

I'VE DONE IT! I'VE DONE IT!!!!!

LOOK AT ME!!!! I'M NOT OKAY TO
MAKE FUN OF ANYMORE!

OOH YOU LUCKY beep -

WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE FINAL
ACT OF MY FABULOUS CHILI CARNIVAL!

PLEASE! LEAVE MY BOY ALONE!
- MOM?!

I GOT THEM ALL
HERE FOR YOU, ERIC!

TO LISTEN WHILE YOU
GOT TOLD THE TRUTH!

PLEASE, DON'T!
WE HAVE TO PROTECT 'EM!

PROTECT WHO?!
- YES, PROTECT WHO?

TELL HIM...

MR.... JIMBO!!!!

PROTECT...
THE DENVER BRONCOS...

MEANWHILE....

THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
WHO WANTS TO GO NEXT?

I WANT TO BE NEXT!
- NO GINGERS GO NEXT!

GINGERS CAN
SUCK IT I'M NEXT! HA HA!

IT'S MY GOO MACHINE I'M NEXT!

NOBODY IS GOING NEXT!

BLEEP IS OUR SUPER BEST FRIEND--
LET HIM GO!

THEY CAN'T STOP ALL OF US!
GET EM!

[SHOUTING]

KEWAAA!

THE DENVER BRONCOS...

THERE WAS A RIGHT TACKLE SEE,

WHO HAD AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD
WITH YOUR SLUT OF A MOM!

AND EVERYONE HERE COVERED IT UP TO
PROTECT THE BRONCO NAME!

THEY WERE HAVING A REALLY GOOD YEAR!
THERE COULDN'T BE ANY DISTRACTIONS!

MY DAD WAS A DENVER BRONCO?
-WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET HIM?

WELL, YOU CAN'T. EVER.
CUZ YOU SEE, ERIC....

WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.

DID I EVER TELL
YOU THAT MY FATHER...

PLAYED FOR THE
DENVER BRONCOS?

NO... NO...

THE ONLY BRONCO WHO
LIVED IN SOUTH PARK.

HE GOT A LITTLE
BORED ONE WEEK AND HAD

AN AFFAIR WITH A SLUT
NAMED LIANE CARTMAN.

NO PLEASE--
- TELL HIM!

YOU ALMOST DID BEFORE BUT
YOU GOT SHOT BY YOUR BROTHER

WHO WAS A BRONCO FAN!
TELL HIM!!!!

IT'S TRUE.

JACK TENORMAN WAS
YOUR FATHER...

YOU KILLED YOUR OWN FATHER
AND THEN YOU FED HIM

TO YOUR HALF BROTHER!!!!!

NO. NOOOOOO!!!!!!

HA HA AHAAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!

NOW EAT YOUR CHILI!!!

[LOUD EXPLOSION]
[SCREAMING]

KEYAA!!!!!

THE SUPER BEST FRIENDS?!
OH NO!!!

I'LL GET YOU TOM CRUISE!

HEY LOOK- TOM CRUISE HAS
SEA MAN ON HIS BACK.

[EVERYONE GASPS]

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

OH YEAH, TOM CRUISE DOES
HAVE SEA MAN ON HIS BACK.

I GUESS MAYBE
TOM CRUISE LIKES SEMEN.

[HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER]

WHOA! WHOA, WHOA!!!

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE
ABLE TO MAKE FUN OF ME ANYMORE!

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
-I'LL BE BACK SUPER BEST FRIENDS!

WHO'S THE CREEPY GINGER KID?

REINER! YOU SAID THE GOO
MACHINE WOULD WORK,

BUT I GOT MADE FUN OF!!!

THAT'S BECAUSE THERE
IS NO GOO, MR. CRUISE!!!!

YOU SEE, I LEARNED
SOMETHING TODAY...

BLEEP...

THAT'S RIGHT.
DON'T YOU SEE GINGERS?

BLEEP...

THAT'S RIGHT, FRIENDS.

BLEEP...

YEAH...

ALRIGHT PEOPLE LET'S
START REBUILDING OUR TOWN...

FOR THE THIRTY NINTH TIME...

OH DUDE... LOOK...

(CRYING)

HEY... CARTMAN...

LOOK, MAN...

WE KNOW WHAT YOU LEARNED
IS PRETTY TOUGH TO HEAR.

TOUGH TO HEAR?!

MY DAD WAS
SCOTT TENORMAN'S DAD!

DON'T YOU GUYS REALIZE
WHAT THAT MEANS?

YEAH, DUDE...
WE KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

MY DAD WAS A GINGER!!!!

[SOBBING HYSTERICALLY]

WAIT, WHAT?

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY
I TAKE AFTER MY MOM,

BUT I HAVE THE
GINGER GENE INSIDE OF ME!

DUDE, YOU KILLED
YOUR OWN DAD

AND YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT THAT?!

HEY, ERIC... ERIC!!!

WHAT?!

COME ON, CHEER UP.
- CHEER UP!? I'M HALF GINGER!

YEAH BUT
YOU'RE FORGETTING...

YOU'RE ALSO
HALF DENVER BRONCO.

THAT MAKES YOU PRETTY COOL.

HEY... YOU'RE RIGHT...
THAT DOES MAKE ME PRETTY COOL...

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

SHUT UP, KYLE.
YOU DUMB JEW.

YOU'VE GOT BRONCO
BLOOD IN YOU KID.

THAT MAKES
YOU AWESOME.

ME... I SHOULD BE MOVING ON.

REALLY MITCH YOU GOTTA GO?

THERE'S A
BOUNTY ON MY HEAD

AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO
STAY IN ONE PLACE TOO LONG.

SO LONG...
DENVER BRONCO.

TAKE IT EASY CONNER.

LOOK, MR. CRUISE,

I'M SORRY I SAID YOU
WERE A FUDGE PACKER

AND THAT YOU HAD
SEMEN ON YOUR BACK...

I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.
I WANNA GO AWAY.

BUT THERE'S NOWHERE
ON EARTH THAT PEOPLE

AREN'T AROUND TO RIP ON ME.

HEY... HEY WE KNOW A PLACE!

WE KNOW A PLACE WHERE
EVERYTHING IS JUST HAPPINESS AND JOY...

AND NO HUMANS
ARE THERE TO MESS IT UP.

WE DO?

OH YEAH... WE DO!

YOU-- REALLY?

SOMEWHERE WHERE I CAN JUST LIVE
OUT MY DAYS IN PEACE AND QUIET?!

OH PLEASE CAN YOU
SHOW ME WHERE?!

WE'LL DO BETTER THAN THAT.
WE'LL HELP GET YOU THERE.