South Park (1997–…): Season 14, Episode 3 - Medicinal Fried Chicken - full transcript
Randy deliberately gets testicular cancer so that he can receive a medicinal marijuana prescription, while Cartman becomes a black market KFC dealer when all of the restaurants are shut down for being unhealthy.
Encoded by NIT158
21, 22,
23, 24, 25...
I wish I could exercise
with the rest of the team, coach.
But I've got such a belly ache.
You seem to have a stomach ache
every time we do drills and exercises.
I know, it sucks!
All right.
Practice is over for today.
KFC!
Oh boy!
I'll get a three-piece meal
and crispy strips!
You only come
to soccer practice on Fridays,
only because we get to have
Kentucky Fried Chicken afterwards!
Shut up, you shifty Jew!
I'll fucking kill you!
Sorry.
When I wait too long
for the Colonel's chicken,
I get easily agitated.
You're a fucking asshole, Kenny!
Sorry.
Here we are!
It's different.
What's up with the KFC?
It's not a KFC anymore.
It's a medicinal marijuana dispensary.
A what?
- Dude, what the fuck?
- So where's the KFC now?
All right, wait out here.
Let me see what's going on.
Can I help you?
We were actually looking
to get some KFC.
Sorry, that's gone.
We only sell marijuana here.
Really?
You're openly selling pot for reals?
Sure.
New state laws say it's okay.
All right!
I love the future!
Let's see, I'll take half a pound
of that Jamaican passion
and gimme
some of that purplish stuff too.
All right, I'll just need
your physician's reference.
My huh?
Sir, we can't just sell
the marijuana to anybody.
You need a reference from your doctor
to show it's necessary.
That's dumb.
I'll be right back.
- What'd they say?
- KFC's gone. Been replaced.
That can't do that!
This is the only KFC in South Park!
- I gotta get to the doctor.
- But we wanna eat.
The doctor!
So no KFC?
This is a nightmare.
This is a nightmare
and I can't wake up!
Mr. Marsh, it looks like
you are in perfect health.
Your blood work came back great,
and all your vitals appear normal.
All right!
You check out fine.
That's great.
So can I get a referral from you?
- For what?
- Medicinal marijuana.
There's a shop
that opened in the old KFC
and they said
I need a doctor's referral to buy weed.
Mr. Marsh, you don't qualify
for medicinal marijuana.
But you said I'm healthy!
Medicinal marijuana
is for people who aren't healthy!
AIDS patients, cancer patients.
You know?
People going through chemo.
The THC helps them eat
and take the pain.
You are in fine shape!
That sucks.
So, Doctor,
how do most people get cancer?
There's a lot of ways
you can get cancer.
Yeah, but what's the quickest way?
- The what?
- Like...
what forms of cancer induce in time
for the Ziggy Marley concert
next Saturday in Denver?
Mom, drive faster.
The KFC in Salida
is a long way away, sweetie.
- Be patient.
- Shut up and drive faster!
I've been waiting
for chicken too long!
We're almost to Frisco.
Why don't we go
to the Church's fried chicken there?
What?
Church's chicken tastes like cat shit!
- All right, let's take it easy.
- Fuck you!
What's going on?
Move aside!
It's closed.
There's nothing in there.
You can't do this.
The KFC in my town is closed too!
That's because
of the vote last November
to ban fast food
in low-income areas.
I have to drive all the way
to Denver to get chicken?
You don't get it.
KFCs were only in low-income areas.
In the entire state of Colorado,
Kentucky Fried Chicken is illegal.
Dad, Mom says to stop
trying to give yourself cancer.
Just gonna get a little bit of cancer.
Tell Mom it's okay.
Can I help you?
I need...
Somebody said you could help me...
I haven't had KFC in almost a week.
- Sign your name, put down the time.
- Really?
Your birth year,
we'll get you through 24 hours.
Are you serious?
My God!
That's KFC gravy!
You have KFC!
This is it?
One lousy little cup of gravy?
This is a clinic to help you
get over your addiction.
Who wants just gravy?
It goes on mashed potatoes!
On extra crispy chicken skin!
If you don't want it, that's fine.
God, It's so good.
"Frozen and processed foods
appear to have a direct link
"to many forms
of stomach and colon cancers."
All right.
"Tests show that preservatives
in these foods are the leading cause.
"However, luckily,
most of these cancers are...
"slow growing
and can take years to develop."
Dammit.
"Testicular cancer.
"Most common in older men,
and can be extremely aggressive."
This is good.
"There is no data on what causes
testicular cancer to grow so rapidly.
"However, the primary causes
of testicular cancer are linked
"to exposure
to high doses of radiation."
Could you grab me a beer?
What?
I'm afraid
the tests came back positive.
You do have testicular cancer.
Score!
The good news is
it hasn't spread anywhere.
We should schedule to remove...
But for now, can I finally get
my prescription, please?
Your prescription for what?
1 ounce of purple lurple,
2 ounces of fishermen's friend
and a half ounce of Alabama kush!
That is nice.
Jesus!
Your balls!
I know.
Smoking pot right in front of a cop!
Pretty sweet, huh?
I mean your actual balls!
Testicular cancer.
Here you want some?
Wait, you're healthy!
Bust his ass, officer!
Kid.
They say
you're looking for some KFC.
Who isn't?
We got some...
over at Billy Miller's house.
Billy Miller?
Seriously?
- Eric Cartman, right?
- Tommy said you have some KFC.
Sure.
Jessie?
My God, Colonel's popcorn chicken
and honey mustard sauce!
God, yes!
- Where did you get that?
- I have my sources.
That'll be $85.
85 bucks?
I don't have that!
Hold on.
You're a big boy.
Maybe you can pay back another way.
Do a little job for me.
I've got some serious KFC
coming in from a dealer.
I need somebody willing to get
a little risky and pick it up.
How much KFC?
Two buckets
plus a three-piece meal and four sides.
Holy fuck, dude.
I've got the money to pay for it,
but it's become a risky business.
You get it for me,
I'll make sure
you are hooked up for life.
Do you wanna do it?
Do I wanna do it?
Does the pope help pedophiles
get away with their crimes?
Excellent.
All right, see ya tomorrow!
God, I gotta hurry.
Caprica starts in five minutes!
Jesus!
Could somebody...
I gotta get home.
This can work.
This can...
It's like a hoppity hop!
Are you T-Bag?
Maybe I am.
Who's askin'?
Cut the crap.
You got the stuff?
I got the hook-up.
Question is, you got the money?
All right.
We in biz.
- It's all there, man.
- Extra crispy, right?
Course, man.
I ain't no fool.
You trying fuck to me, dude?
This is cut
with Boston Market gravy!
It's all the same shit, man.
It is not the same shit!
I'm sorry, yo!
You're cuttin' it with Boston Market
to save yourself some fucking money!
I'll take back the gravy.
Like anybody
wants KFC without gravy!
Please, I'm sorry!
Take your money back!
Take the KFC too!
What's going on?
Nothin'.
It's cool.
I'll call.
45 to you, Ned.
Man.
This rainy day woman is the bomb.
You guys don't know
what you're missing.
You know,
you could share some of that with us.
That's illegal.
I can smoke this,
because I have cancer.
Come on, just give us a little bit!
Get your own
medicinal marijuana cards!
You've all got
perfectly good microwaves at home.
I'm telling you guys it's awesome.
I can have all the pot I want.
I get around faster than walking
and whenever I need a seat,
I can just sit on my balls.
Lemme tell you something else.
Chicks love 'em.
Women love huge balls?
Love 'em.
Everywhere I go when I walk by,
chicks are like turning their heads
and going ?wha??
I never knew
how much women loved guys' balls
until I got these puppies.
Travis, did you take out the garba...
Wha?
See?
Cartman, my boy!
You got the stuff?
I got the stuff...
and I got the money.
You're good.
I need people like you.
Good, 'cause I ate a bunch
of chicken on the way over here.
That's all right.
I've got something big in the works.
What if I told you...
that I now how a direct line
to get all the KFC we want here?
I'm sending Tommy to Kentucky
to try and set up a little arrangement
with the Colonel himself.
Wait a minute.
You mean the Colonel?
That's right.
And I'd like you to go as well
and watch Tommy's back.
Is that something you'd want to do?
Is that something I'd want to do?
Is the pope Catholic?
And making the world
safe for pedophiles?
Excellent.
Doctor,
Mr. Kline's test results came in.
What the hell is going on?
- Doctor?
- This is the tenth case this week.
It can't be a coincidence.
Something in this town
is giving men testicular cancer.
Man, I am stoned off my ass!
I'm stoned off my balls!
Anybody got more
of that loompa loompa weed?
Those guys have nice balls.
Wish my man had balls like those.
Our entire production
is headquartered here, boys.
We move over 16 tons
of chicken every month.
With the new laws in Colorado,
my business has taken quite a hit.
I'm worried other states
might follow suit.
We know, but we can
get your chicken into the state.
We just need a bulk deal.
Say $4.95 a ki?
I've got to hand it to you.
You have everything I man could want.
I like you.
There is no lying in you.
Unfortunately, I don't feel
the same way about your friend.
You mean Tommy?
Where'd he go?
Your partner
is an informant for Jamie Oliver.
That was sweet!
He's all choked!
How do I know you're not a liar too?
I've been your biggest supporter
since I was two years old.
I love your chicken.
I love you.
I think you and me
can work this thing out.
- Do business together a long time.
- Good.
Just remember,
I only tell you one time.
Don't fuck me.
Don't you ever try to fuck me.
Will you look at yourself?
Your balls are getting bigger!
I know, they're pretty swollen.
Kinda hurts,
I'm gonna go buy some more weed.
Please!
When you get back,
do you think
maybe we could make love again?
Someone's feeling frisky again, huh?
It's just that I thought
some more alone time could be really...
My eyes are up here.
I'm sorry...
It's okay, I just want you
to look at me when we make love
and not just at my balls.
I'll be home soon, babe.
Could you get me half a pound
of that suburban sunrise, please?
I'm sorry,
but you have to be inside the store.
I'm right here.
Can you just bring it over?
Selling medicinal marijuana
outside the confines
of an approved shop
is still illegal.
I'm starting to feel kind of stupid.
Can I please get high?
What, are you crazy?
Making a deal with the Colonel
for 10,000 more boxes?
I can't move that much chicken!
Will you relax?
It's fine.
Fine?
I'm not making any money here.
I'm losing it!
I have to pay for more security.
I got the cops up my ass!
I have to pay for these sorters
to cut the chicken for distribution!
We've got to be thinking bigger.
It's time to expand!
How can I expand when 36%
of our product is going to you?
Get out there
and sell the chicken, or get lost!
You've forgotten
who the boss of this operation is!
You're not going
to be around a lot longer.
What is that supposed to mean?
I told your mom you got an F
on that social studies test.
You wouldn't do that.
Does a bear crap in the woods?
Does the pope crap on the broken lives
and dreams of 200 deaf boys?
Your father and I want
to talk to you!
Bye bye, Billy.
Everyone, listen up!
I'm in charge now.
Anybody got a problem with that?
Good.
- What do we want?
- Bigger doors!
- Where do we want em?
- Weed stores!
- What do we want?
- Bigger doors!
- Where do we want 'em?
- Weed stores!
Look, I'm sorry,
but the bill says I can't modify
any existing structure!
I guess we could change the law
to allow for medicinal marijuana
to be sold
just outside the door of the shop.
I don't know.
Maybe the rule should be
somebody can buy
the medicinal weed for others.
Can't we skip all this
and just make pot legal?
Everyone is just abusing
this medicinal system anyway.
It's ridiculous.
What's ridiculous about it?
Hold on people, please!
We are all forgetting
what is really at issue here!
Look around!
These men all have cancer.
It's no coincidence
that when this building changed,
the rise in cancer went up.
Don't you see?
The KFC was keeping people healthy!
Mr. Cartman, come on.
We have to be handling the business.
You're eating too much of the stuff.
Shut up, Kevin
I'm the boss not you, buttlicker.
The Colonel is on the phone.
He sounds pissed.
What?
That's right. I forgot...
Dammit!
Put him on speaker.
Hello?
How're you doing?
- What happened?
- We had some problems.
What happened?
We had a little problem.
I heard.
How'd you hear that?
Because Jamie Oliver
gave his speech at the UN today.
He was not supposed
to give that speech.
It's okay.
We'll get him next time.
There's not going to be a next time,
you fucking dumb sucker!
Take it easy.
I told you a long time ago,
you fucking little monkey,
not to fuck me!
Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?
Crap!
- Freeze!
- It's the cops!
Run, Billy, run!
Mommy!
Last November
this town passed a bill
that seemed silly to some.
Since then we've had
underground black markets,
crime, death and shootings.
But now the bill has been repealed,
and I am relieved
to announce that once again
marijuana is illegal!
And an other bill
has been repealed as well.
Cause ever since we got rid of KFC,
we've seen a great rise in cancer.
But today we welcome back KFC,
and all the medical benefits
it gives us!
I got to admit,
it's a lot easier to get in doors
with my little prosthetic balls.
Great.
Don't be upset.
The doctor made you a souvenir.
I love it!
And when it gets cold it shrinks.
You got a scrotum coat?
Lucky.
21, 22,
23, 24, 25...
I wish I could exercise
with the rest of the team, coach.
But I've got such a belly ache.
You seem to have a stomach ache
every time we do drills and exercises.
I know, it sucks!
All right.
Practice is over for today.
KFC!
Oh boy!
I'll get a three-piece meal
and crispy strips!
You only come
to soccer practice on Fridays,
only because we get to have
Kentucky Fried Chicken afterwards!
Shut up, you shifty Jew!
I'll fucking kill you!
Sorry.
When I wait too long
for the Colonel's chicken,
I get easily agitated.
You're a fucking asshole, Kenny!
Sorry.
Here we are!
It's different.
What's up with the KFC?
It's not a KFC anymore.
It's a medicinal marijuana dispensary.
A what?
- Dude, what the fuck?
- So where's the KFC now?
All right, wait out here.
Let me see what's going on.
Can I help you?
We were actually looking
to get some KFC.
Sorry, that's gone.
We only sell marijuana here.
Really?
You're openly selling pot for reals?
Sure.
New state laws say it's okay.
All right!
I love the future!
Let's see, I'll take half a pound
of that Jamaican passion
and gimme
some of that purplish stuff too.
All right, I'll just need
your physician's reference.
My huh?
Sir, we can't just sell
the marijuana to anybody.
You need a reference from your doctor
to show it's necessary.
That's dumb.
I'll be right back.
- What'd they say?
- KFC's gone. Been replaced.
That can't do that!
This is the only KFC in South Park!
- I gotta get to the doctor.
- But we wanna eat.
The doctor!
So no KFC?
This is a nightmare.
This is a nightmare
and I can't wake up!
Mr. Marsh, it looks like
you are in perfect health.
Your blood work came back great,
and all your vitals appear normal.
All right!
You check out fine.
That's great.
So can I get a referral from you?
- For what?
- Medicinal marijuana.
There's a shop
that opened in the old KFC
and they said
I need a doctor's referral to buy weed.
Mr. Marsh, you don't qualify
for medicinal marijuana.
But you said I'm healthy!
Medicinal marijuana
is for people who aren't healthy!
AIDS patients, cancer patients.
You know?
People going through chemo.
The THC helps them eat
and take the pain.
You are in fine shape!
That sucks.
So, Doctor,
how do most people get cancer?
There's a lot of ways
you can get cancer.
Yeah, but what's the quickest way?
- The what?
- Like...
what forms of cancer induce in time
for the Ziggy Marley concert
next Saturday in Denver?
Mom, drive faster.
The KFC in Salida
is a long way away, sweetie.
- Be patient.
- Shut up and drive faster!
I've been waiting
for chicken too long!
We're almost to Frisco.
Why don't we go
to the Church's fried chicken there?
What?
Church's chicken tastes like cat shit!
- All right, let's take it easy.
- Fuck you!
What's going on?
Move aside!
It's closed.
There's nothing in there.
You can't do this.
The KFC in my town is closed too!
That's because
of the vote last November
to ban fast food
in low-income areas.
I have to drive all the way
to Denver to get chicken?
You don't get it.
KFCs were only in low-income areas.
In the entire state of Colorado,
Kentucky Fried Chicken is illegal.
Dad, Mom says to stop
trying to give yourself cancer.
Just gonna get a little bit of cancer.
Tell Mom it's okay.
Can I help you?
I need...
Somebody said you could help me...
I haven't had KFC in almost a week.
- Sign your name, put down the time.
- Really?
Your birth year,
we'll get you through 24 hours.
Are you serious?
My God!
That's KFC gravy!
You have KFC!
This is it?
One lousy little cup of gravy?
This is a clinic to help you
get over your addiction.
Who wants just gravy?
It goes on mashed potatoes!
On extra crispy chicken skin!
If you don't want it, that's fine.
God, It's so good.
"Frozen and processed foods
appear to have a direct link
"to many forms
of stomach and colon cancers."
All right.
"Tests show that preservatives
in these foods are the leading cause.
"However, luckily,
most of these cancers are...
"slow growing
and can take years to develop."
Dammit.
"Testicular cancer.
"Most common in older men,
and can be extremely aggressive."
This is good.
"There is no data on what causes
testicular cancer to grow so rapidly.
"However, the primary causes
of testicular cancer are linked
"to exposure
to high doses of radiation."
Could you grab me a beer?
What?
I'm afraid
the tests came back positive.
You do have testicular cancer.
Score!
The good news is
it hasn't spread anywhere.
We should schedule to remove...
But for now, can I finally get
my prescription, please?
Your prescription for what?
1 ounce of purple lurple,
2 ounces of fishermen's friend
and a half ounce of Alabama kush!
That is nice.
Jesus!
Your balls!
I know.
Smoking pot right in front of a cop!
Pretty sweet, huh?
I mean your actual balls!
Testicular cancer.
Here you want some?
Wait, you're healthy!
Bust his ass, officer!
Kid.
They say
you're looking for some KFC.
Who isn't?
We got some...
over at Billy Miller's house.
Billy Miller?
Seriously?
- Eric Cartman, right?
- Tommy said you have some KFC.
Sure.
Jessie?
My God, Colonel's popcorn chicken
and honey mustard sauce!
God, yes!
- Where did you get that?
- I have my sources.
That'll be $85.
85 bucks?
I don't have that!
Hold on.
You're a big boy.
Maybe you can pay back another way.
Do a little job for me.
I've got some serious KFC
coming in from a dealer.
I need somebody willing to get
a little risky and pick it up.
How much KFC?
Two buckets
plus a three-piece meal and four sides.
Holy fuck, dude.
I've got the money to pay for it,
but it's become a risky business.
You get it for me,
I'll make sure
you are hooked up for life.
Do you wanna do it?
Do I wanna do it?
Does the pope help pedophiles
get away with their crimes?
Excellent.
All right, see ya tomorrow!
God, I gotta hurry.
Caprica starts in five minutes!
Jesus!
Could somebody...
I gotta get home.
This can work.
This can...
It's like a hoppity hop!
Are you T-Bag?
Maybe I am.
Who's askin'?
Cut the crap.
You got the stuff?
I got the hook-up.
Question is, you got the money?
All right.
We in biz.
- It's all there, man.
- Extra crispy, right?
Course, man.
I ain't no fool.
You trying fuck to me, dude?
This is cut
with Boston Market gravy!
It's all the same shit, man.
It is not the same shit!
I'm sorry, yo!
You're cuttin' it with Boston Market
to save yourself some fucking money!
I'll take back the gravy.
Like anybody
wants KFC without gravy!
Please, I'm sorry!
Take your money back!
Take the KFC too!
What's going on?
Nothin'.
It's cool.
I'll call.
45 to you, Ned.
Man.
This rainy day woman is the bomb.
You guys don't know
what you're missing.
You know,
you could share some of that with us.
That's illegal.
I can smoke this,
because I have cancer.
Come on, just give us a little bit!
Get your own
medicinal marijuana cards!
You've all got
perfectly good microwaves at home.
I'm telling you guys it's awesome.
I can have all the pot I want.
I get around faster than walking
and whenever I need a seat,
I can just sit on my balls.
Lemme tell you something else.
Chicks love 'em.
Women love huge balls?
Love 'em.
Everywhere I go when I walk by,
chicks are like turning their heads
and going ?wha??
I never knew
how much women loved guys' balls
until I got these puppies.
Travis, did you take out the garba...
Wha?
See?
Cartman, my boy!
You got the stuff?
I got the stuff...
and I got the money.
You're good.
I need people like you.
Good, 'cause I ate a bunch
of chicken on the way over here.
That's all right.
I've got something big in the works.
What if I told you...
that I now how a direct line
to get all the KFC we want here?
I'm sending Tommy to Kentucky
to try and set up a little arrangement
with the Colonel himself.
Wait a minute.
You mean the Colonel?
That's right.
And I'd like you to go as well
and watch Tommy's back.
Is that something you'd want to do?
Is that something I'd want to do?
Is the pope Catholic?
And making the world
safe for pedophiles?
Excellent.
Doctor,
Mr. Kline's test results came in.
What the hell is going on?
- Doctor?
- This is the tenth case this week.
It can't be a coincidence.
Something in this town
is giving men testicular cancer.
Man, I am stoned off my ass!
I'm stoned off my balls!
Anybody got more
of that loompa loompa weed?
Those guys have nice balls.
Wish my man had balls like those.
Our entire production
is headquartered here, boys.
We move over 16 tons
of chicken every month.
With the new laws in Colorado,
my business has taken quite a hit.
I'm worried other states
might follow suit.
We know, but we can
get your chicken into the state.
We just need a bulk deal.
Say $4.95 a ki?
I've got to hand it to you.
You have everything I man could want.
I like you.
There is no lying in you.
Unfortunately, I don't feel
the same way about your friend.
You mean Tommy?
Where'd he go?
Your partner
is an informant for Jamie Oliver.
That was sweet!
He's all choked!
How do I know you're not a liar too?
I've been your biggest supporter
since I was two years old.
I love your chicken.
I love you.
I think you and me
can work this thing out.
- Do business together a long time.
- Good.
Just remember,
I only tell you one time.
Don't fuck me.
Don't you ever try to fuck me.
Will you look at yourself?
Your balls are getting bigger!
I know, they're pretty swollen.
Kinda hurts,
I'm gonna go buy some more weed.
Please!
When you get back,
do you think
maybe we could make love again?
Someone's feeling frisky again, huh?
It's just that I thought
some more alone time could be really...
My eyes are up here.
I'm sorry...
It's okay, I just want you
to look at me when we make love
and not just at my balls.
I'll be home soon, babe.
Could you get me half a pound
of that suburban sunrise, please?
I'm sorry,
but you have to be inside the store.
I'm right here.
Can you just bring it over?
Selling medicinal marijuana
outside the confines
of an approved shop
is still illegal.
I'm starting to feel kind of stupid.
Can I please get high?
What, are you crazy?
Making a deal with the Colonel
for 10,000 more boxes?
I can't move that much chicken!
Will you relax?
It's fine.
Fine?
I'm not making any money here.
I'm losing it!
I have to pay for more security.
I got the cops up my ass!
I have to pay for these sorters
to cut the chicken for distribution!
We've got to be thinking bigger.
It's time to expand!
How can I expand when 36%
of our product is going to you?
Get out there
and sell the chicken, or get lost!
You've forgotten
who the boss of this operation is!
You're not going
to be around a lot longer.
What is that supposed to mean?
I told your mom you got an F
on that social studies test.
You wouldn't do that.
Does a bear crap in the woods?
Does the pope crap on the broken lives
and dreams of 200 deaf boys?
Your father and I want
to talk to you!
Bye bye, Billy.
Everyone, listen up!
I'm in charge now.
Anybody got a problem with that?
Good.
- What do we want?
- Bigger doors!
- Where do we want em?
- Weed stores!
- What do we want?
- Bigger doors!
- Where do we want 'em?
- Weed stores!
Look, I'm sorry,
but the bill says I can't modify
any existing structure!
I guess we could change the law
to allow for medicinal marijuana
to be sold
just outside the door of the shop.
I don't know.
Maybe the rule should be
somebody can buy
the medicinal weed for others.
Can't we skip all this
and just make pot legal?
Everyone is just abusing
this medicinal system anyway.
It's ridiculous.
What's ridiculous about it?
Hold on people, please!
We are all forgetting
what is really at issue here!
Look around!
These men all have cancer.
It's no coincidence
that when this building changed,
the rise in cancer went up.
Don't you see?
The KFC was keeping people healthy!
Mr. Cartman, come on.
We have to be handling the business.
You're eating too much of the stuff.
Shut up, Kevin
I'm the boss not you, buttlicker.
The Colonel is on the phone.
He sounds pissed.
What?
That's right. I forgot...
Dammit!
Put him on speaker.
Hello?
How're you doing?
- What happened?
- We had some problems.
What happened?
We had a little problem.
I heard.
How'd you hear that?
Because Jamie Oliver
gave his speech at the UN today.
He was not supposed
to give that speech.
It's okay.
We'll get him next time.
There's not going to be a next time,
you fucking dumb sucker!
Take it easy.
I told you a long time ago,
you fucking little monkey,
not to fuck me!
Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?
Crap!
- Freeze!
- It's the cops!
Run, Billy, run!
Mommy!
Last November
this town passed a bill
that seemed silly to some.
Since then we've had
underground black markets,
crime, death and shootings.
But now the bill has been repealed,
and I am relieved
to announce that once again
marijuana is illegal!
And an other bill
has been repealed as well.
Cause ever since we got rid of KFC,
we've seen a great rise in cancer.
But today we welcome back KFC,
and all the medical benefits
it gives us!
I got to admit,
it's a lot easier to get in doors
with my little prosthetic balls.
Great.
Don't be upset.
The doctor made you a souvenir.
I love it!
And when it gets cold it shrinks.
You got a scrotum coat?
Lucky.