South Park (1997–…): Season 13, Episode 4 - Eat, Pray, Queef - full transcript

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
COMEDY CENTRAL

♪ I'M GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪

♪ GONNA HAVE
MYSELF A TIME ♪

♪ FRIENDLY FACES
EVERYWHERE ♪

♪ HUMBLE FOLKS
WITHOUT TEMPTATION ♪

♪ GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪

♪ GONNA LEAVE MY
WOES BEHIND ♪

♪ AMPLE PARKING
DAY OR NIGHT ♪

♪ PEOPLE SPOUTING
"HOWDY NEIGHBOR" ♪

♪ HEADED ON UP
TO SOUTH PARK ♪

♪ GONNA SEE IF
I CAN'T UNWIND ♪



♪ ( MUMBLING )

♪ COME ON DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪

♪ AND MEET SOME
FRIENDS OF MINE ♪

( SCHOOL BELL RINGING )

OH, BOY, IT'S OVER,
IT'S OVER !

OH, MAN, I THOUGHT THAT
DAY WOULD NEVER END !

HEY, STAN, YOU WANNA MAYBE
STUDY TOGETHER AFTER SCHOOL ?

WHAT ?!

NO WAY, WENDY,
TODAY'S THE DAY !

WHAT DAY ?

THE DAY THEY'RE SHOWING
PART TWO OF LAST WEEK'S

TERRANCE AND PHILLIP SHOW !

THEY'RE GONNA FINALLY REVEAL
WHO PHILLIP FARTED ON

TO GET OUT OF JAIL !



OH, GOD,
THAT SHOW IS SO DUMB.

DUMB ?!

PHILLIP FARTED IN
SOMEBODY'S FACE SUPER-HARD

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHO UNTIL
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE !

UGH, THIS HAS BEEN
THE LONGEST WEEK OF MY LIFE !

WHY DO BOYS THINK
FARTS ARE SO FUNNY ?

THEY'RE JUVENILE
AND GROSS !

NO, NO, NO, NO,
YOU'RE RIGHT, BEBE.

FARTS TOTALLY AREN'T FUNNY.

( FARTS )
EWW !

( BOYS LAUGHING )

( LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY )

COME ON, GUYS,
WE GOTTA GO !

WE'RE FINALLY GONNA LEARN
THE SHOCKING TRUTH

OF WHO PHILLIP FARTED ON !

LET'S GET TO MY HOUSE !

COME ON !
WE GOTTA BUY CHIPS !

GOD, THEY'RE SO STUPID.

OH, BOY !
THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT !

I'VE WAITED FOR THIS
ALL WEEK !

AHP-AHP-AHP,
THAT'S MY SEAT, CRAIG.

DUDE, I WAS HERE FIRST.

IT'S MY GODDAMN HOUSE.

NOW GET YOUR BITCH-ASS
ON THE FLOOR !

IT'S ON, IT'S ON,
IT'S ON !

( ANNOUNCER )
YOU ARE WATCHING
THE CANADA CHANNEL.

THE ONLY CHANNEL IN CANADA.

( NARRATOR )
TERRANCE FARTED ON
THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT

BUT PHILLIP TOOK THE HEAT.

( FARTS )

( LAUGHING )

IT WASN'T ME !

( FARTS )

( LAUGHING )

AND NOW THE
THRILLING CONCLUSION OF...

WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT

SO THAT WE MAY BRING YOU
THIS QUEEF SISTERS SPECIAL !

( HORN HONKING )

WHAT ?

( ANNOUNCER )
CANADA CHANNEL PRESENTS:
THE QUEEF SISTERS.

KATHERINE AND KATIE QUEEF.

TWO TORONTO GIRLS WHO LOVE
SHOOTING AIR OUT THEIR VAGINAS.

IT'S A QUEEF SISTERS SPECIAL
ON CHANNEL CANADA.

ALL RIGHT, QUEEF SISTERS,

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR YEARLY
PAP SMEAR AND VAG EXAM.

ALL RIGHT, DOCTOR.

I'M READY, DOCTOR.

NOW, I'M JUST GOING TO
CHECK FOR CYSTS.

( QUEEFS )
AGH !

HA HAH AHAHAHAAHAA !!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ?

NOW LISTEN HERE,
IF YOU QUEEF IN MY FACE

THEN I REFUSE TO BE YOUR
GYNECOLOGIST !

I'M SORRY, DOCTOR.

I HAD AIR TRAPPED
IN MY VAGINA.

HAAHAHA !

WELL, JUST DON'T
LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

NOW I'M JUST GOING TO
CHECK FOR CYSTS.

( QUEEFS )
UGH !

HA HAHAAHAHAHAHAA !

NOW STOP IT,
THAT ISN'T FUNNY !

BABIES COME FROM THERE !

( QUEEFS )

HAHAHAH !

THAT'S IT,
NO PAP SMEAR FOR YOU.

BUT, DOCTOR,
WHAT IF I HAVE CANCER ?

YOU SHOULD'VE
THOUGHT OF THAT

BEFORE YOU QUEEFED
IN MY FACE THREE TIMES.

THEY... THEY AREN'T
GONNA SHOW

PART TWO OF THE
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP SHOW ?

DOCTOR, MY SISTER
IS JUST BEING DIFFICULT.

MAYBE YOU COULD JUST EXAMINE
MY CERVIX INSTEAD ?

OH, ALL RIGHT,
LET ME CHECK FOR CYSTS.

( QUEEFS )
NO !

HA HA AH
AHAHAAAAAAAA !

THAT DOES IT,
QUEEF SISTERS !

I'M NOT YOUR VAGINAL DOCTOR
ANYMORE !

OH, KATIE, I DO BELIEVE
WE MADE THE DOCTOR ANGRY !

I GUESS SO, KATHERINE.

DUDE, WHAT THE HELL IS
THIS DISGUSTING CRAP ?

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
DISGUSTING CRAP ?

QUEEF SISTERS ?!

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S A HOT, NEW
CANADIAN SHOW WE'RE TRYING OUT.

YOU REPLACED OUR SHOW
WITH THIS ?!

BUT THEY AREN'T FUNNY.

ALL THEY DO IS
QUEEF ALL THE TIME !

THAT'S SICK !

YOU THINK FARTS ARE FUNNY,
WHY NOT QUEEFS ?

BECAUSE BABIES
COME FROM THERE !

AYE, LOOK, GUYS, WOMEN ARE
STARTING TO BE THE DRIVING FORCE

BEHIND THE TELEVISION AUDIENCE.

Y'KNOW, WOMEN
EMPOWERMENT AND THE GET-GO.

SO WE WANT TO TRY TO APPEAL
TO THE FEMALE SENSIBILITY.

SORRY, GUYS, BUT IF YOU ASK ME,
YOUR FARTS HAVE GOTTEN STALE.

( SCHOOL BELL RINGING )

NO, NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I WILL NOT HOLD !

I'VE BEEN ON HOLD
FOR 35 MINUTES !

WELL, WE WANT SOME GODDAMNED
ANSWERS, THAT'S WHAT WE WANT !

LIKE WHY DID YOU SHOW
THAT SMUT INSTEAD OF

THE TERRANCE AND PHILLIP
CONCLUSION, YOU ASSHOLE ?!

WHAT'S GOING ON ?

WE'RE COMPLAINING TO
THE CANADA NETWORK

'CAUSE THEY PUT
SOMETHING REALLY GROSS ON TV.

YOU WANNA TELL ME WHAT'S FUNNY
ABOUT TWO WOMEN SHOOTING AIR

FROM THEIR VAGINA
INTO A MAN'S FACE ?!

NO, NO, SEE, SOME OF US WERE
EATING WHEN YOU SHOWED THAT !

I THREW UP
ON MY WAY HOME.

CLYDE THREW UP
ON HIS WAY HOME !

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN
PUT THAT KIND OF

FILTH ON TELEVISION ?!

YOU TELL 'EM, CARTMAN !

WHAT HAPPENED ?

THEY DIDN'T SHOW PART TWO
OF TERRANCE AND PHILLIP !

THEY REPLACED IT
WITH THE QUEEF SISTERS !

IT WAS JUST 30 MINUTES OF TWO
WOMEN QUEEFING ON PEOPLE !

OH, WHAT,
SO FARTS ARE HYSTERICAL

BUT QUEEFS ARE GROSS ?

YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE KIDS COULD
HAVE BEEN WATCHING THAT !

WHAT KIND OF NETWORK ARE
YOU RUNNING THERE IN CANADA ?

DON'T CALL ME "BUDDY,"
I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY !

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY'RE THIS UPSET.

GOD, THEY'RE ANNOYING.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT A QUEEF IS.

IT'S WHEN A WOMAN BLOWS
AIR OUT HER VAG, ANNIE.

OH.

YOU KNOW THAT GIRL
SAMANTHA DUNSKIN,

SHE CAN MAKE HERSELF
QUEEF WHENEVER SHE WANTS.

REALLY ?

WAIT A MINUTE,
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

AND TO THAT END, BY RESORTING
TO FILTH AND GARBAGE,

THE CANADA
CHANNEL HAS THUSLY...

ROBBED US OF OUR
INNOCENCE.

YES, THAT'S GOOD.

"... ROBBED US OF
OUR INNOCENCE..."

HEY, GUYS, WE HAVE A
LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.

WHAT ?

( QUEEFS )

WAHHGHGHHGHGHH !

AHGGHGHGHGGHGHGHGH !

( SCREAMING & CRYING )

BUTTERS ?

OH, MY GOD,
WELL, HOW IS HE DOING ?

YEAH, YEAH, I'M SURE.

OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU
FOR TELLING ME, MR. STOTCH.

I'LL SPREAD THE WORD.

YEAH, YOU TAKE CARE,
BYE.

WE NEED TO CANCEL
OUR PLANS, SHARON.

THERE'S GONNA BE AN EMERGENCY
ALL-PARENT MEETING

AT THE SCHOOL TONIGHT.

WHY ?
WHAT HAPPENED ?

A GIRL AT SCHOOL,
SHE QUEEFED ON

ONE OF STAN'S
FRIENDS TODAY.

SO ?

( KNOCKING )

HEY, PAL.

I HEARD ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY.

YOU WANNA TALK
ABOUT IT ?

BUTTERS WAS JUST
SITTING THERE, DAD.

HE-- HE DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW IT WAS COMING.

I KNOW, PAL.

SOMETIMES BAD THINGS
HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

BUT, YOU KNOW, BUTTERS
IS STILL BUTTERS

AND HE NEEDS YOU GUYS
RIGHT NOW MORE THAN ANYBODY.

IT WAS SO GROSS, DAD.

I MEAN, WHAT IF ANOTHER
GIRL AT SCHOOL TRIES TO--

HEY, WE'RE GETTING ALL
THE PARENTS TOGETHER.

WE'RE GONNA
TAKE CARE OF THIS, OKAY ?

NOTHING LIKE THIS WILL
EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

OKAY, PARENTS, SOME OF YOU
HAVE ALREADY HEARD

BUT MOST OF
YOU HAVE NOT, M'KAY.

WE'VE HAD A TERRIBLE INCIDENT
OCCUR AT THE SCHOOL.

APPARENTLY A YOUNG GIRL

WENT UP TO A YOUNG BOY
HERE AT THE SCHOOL, M'KAY,

AND QUEEFED IN HIS FACE.

WHAT ?
OH, MY GOD !

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN ?

WHERE WERE
THE TEACHERS ?

WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE,
ARE YOU SAYING WE'RE ALL HERE

JUST BECAUSE A GIRL
QUEEFED ON A BOY ?

JUST ?!

WE'RE HERE TO
FIND OUT WHY !

THE QUESTION IS HOW DO
WE SEND A MESSAGE

TO OTHER GIRLS IN THE SCHOOL
SO THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN ?

( ALL TALKING )

... NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE.

I THINK WE'RE BEING
A LITTLE DRASTIC HERE.

YOU KNOW, I PROBABLY SEE
A BOY IN MY OFFICE

ONCE A WEEK FOR
FARTING ON A GIRL.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO
DO WITH ANYTHING ?

OH, MY GOD !
THIS IS RIDICULOUS !
IT'S THE SAME THING !

( CHEERING )

OUR NEXT GUESTS HAVE REALLY
TAKEN AMERICA BY STORM.

THEIR NEW HIT SHOW
IS BEING TUNED IN

BY WOMEN
ALL OVER THE WORLD.

PLEASE WELCOME,
THE QUEEF SISTERS !

( APPLAUSE & CHEERING )

OH, HELLO, REGIS !
HELLO, KELLY !

( QUEEFS )

( CACKLING )

SO, UH, GALS, YOU SEEM TO
REALLY LIKE QUEEFING.

WELL, REEG,
IT'S LIKE THIS,

WE THINK THAT QUEEFING
IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL

FEMALE BODILY FUNCTION.

WHY NOT HAVE FUN
WITH IT ?

( QUEEFS )

( CHEERING )

BUT I MEAN, REALLY, ISN'T
QUEEFING A BIT JUVENILE ?

MEN ENJOY FARTS,

SO WHY SHOULDN'T WOMEN
ENJOY THEIR QUEEFS ?

( APPLAUSE )

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'VE WRITTEN ALL ABOOT IT
IN OUR NEW FEMINIST BOOK

"EAT, PRAY, QUEEF."

WELL, I THINK THAT WHAT
YOU GALS ARE DOING

FOR THE FEMINIST
MOVEMENT IS AMAZING !

AND THAT'S WHY WOMEN ALL OVER
AMERICA STAND BEHIND YOU !

( QUEEFS )

NOOOO !

TERRANCE AND PHILLIP,
YOU'VE PUT ON A TERRIFIC SHOW

FOR MANY, MANY YEARS.

YOU'VE MADE CANADA CHANNEL
WHAT IT IS TODAY.

YOU'RE FIRED.

FIRED ?!
FIRED ?!

SORRY, GUYS, BUT THIS QUEEFING
THING IS REALLY CATCHING ON.

QUEEF SISTERS RATINGS
ARE THROUGH THE ROOF.

AND TO PAY THEM
WHAT THEY'RE ASKING,

WE'VE GOTTA GET RID OF YOU.

GOOD-BYE,
HERE'S SOME COOKIES.

BRIAN, DON'T DO THIS !

YOU CAN'T LET
CANADA CHANNEL BE SOILED

BY THAT PERVERSE
GARBAGE !

YOU KNOW IT'S SICK !

YES, I KNOW IT'S SICK.

TO BE HONEST, I GAG EVERY TIME
ONE OF THEM LETS OUT A QUEEF.

BUT IT'S MONEY, GODDAMN IT,
AND THIS CHANNEL NEEDS IT.

I'M SORRY,
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP.

YOUR SHOW IS DONE.

I ALWAYS LOVE WHEN
SPRING IS ON THE WAY.

SUCH A FUN AND INSPIRING
TIME TO DECORATE.

JUST LIKE MOST WOMEN OUT THERE,

I'VE REALLY GOTTEN INTO
QUEEFING LATELY.

THERE'S A LOT OF
FUN AND INTERESTING WAYS

WE CAN DECORATE OUR QUEEFS

AND JUST MAKE THEM MORE
DYNAMIC FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS JUST
CUT UP SOME PAPER...

LIKE THIS.

YOU CAN CUT OUT LITTLE STARS
OR LITTLE MOON SHAPES...

AND THEN JUST...
JAM THOSE... UP.

AND THEN I'VE GOT SOME SIMPLE
LITTLE SPARKLES

FROM THE HOBBY STORE.

THEY COME IN
A LITTLE TUBE,

WHICH MAKE THEM VERY
EASY TO JUST...

SHOOT...
RIGHT UP THE OL'...

THERE WE ARE.

AND, OF COURSE, YOU CAN FEEL
FREE TO ADD LITTLE FLOWERS

OR MAYBE SOME
FESTIVE EASTER GRASS.

BUT THE POINT IS THAT WHEN
WE'RE DONE,

WE CAN LET ONE RIP.

( QUEEFS )

SEE HOW PRETTY
THAT WAS ?

IT'S A GOOD THING.

( QUEEFS )

WHAT WAS THAT ?

OH, EXCUSE ME, I--

I HAD A LITTLE
AIR TRAPPED.

( GIGGLING )

OH, MY GOD.

DID YOU JUST--
AT THE TABLE ?

PAR-PARDON ME.

( GIGGLING )

MOM, GROSS !

( SNICKERING )

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH,
GIRLS, ALL RIGHT ?

I MEAN,
HOW OLD ARE YOU, SHARON ?

I'M SORRY, IT'S JUST--

IT'S KIND OF FUNNY
HOW MUCH IT BOTHERS YOU.

OH, YEAH, YEAH,
THAT'S REALLY FUNNY.

STOP IT, MOM.

YEAH, OKAY, LET'S JUST TRY TO
HAVE A NICE DINNER, OKAY ?

OKAY, OKAY,
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

( QUEEFS )

( SNICKERING )

SHARON MARSH !

EXCUSE ME.

HEY, MOM, DO YOU
LIKE AUSTRALIA ?

'CAUSE THAT WAS
A GREAT BARRIER QUEEF !

( LAUGHING )

THAT'S IT, I'M LEAVING.

I'M GOING TOO.

OH, OH, PLEASE, RANDY !

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU
FARTED IN THE BED

AND HELD MY HEAD
UNDER THE COVERS ?!

THAT'S COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT !

YEAH, IT'S DIFFERENT, MOM !

ALL RIGHT, TELL ME
EXACTLY WHERE THE LINE IS !

OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS ?

I HAVE A FRIEND ABBY.

SHE HAD A BABY BOY
AND IT FARTED.

( CHUCKLING )
YEAH...

BUT SHE WAS ACTUALLY STILL
PREGNANT WITH THE BABY BOY

AND IT FARTED INSIDE HER.

( CHUCKLING )
YEAH...

AND THEN THE GAS
FROM THE BABY'S FART

TRAVELED DOWN AND SHOT OUT
HER VAGINA !

HA-HA !

COME ON, STANLEY,
LET'S GO.

OH, OH, SO WHEN DOES
THAT STOP BEING FUNNY ?!

IT STOPPED BEING FUNNY

THE SECOND THAT AIR CAME
OUT HER VAGINA, SHARON !

LOOK, KATHERINE,
I MADE QUEEF COOKIES !

BUT THOSE ARE JUST
GINGERSNAPS, KATIE !

( QUEEFS )

( CACKLING )

( DOORBELL RINGING )

COULD YOU GET THAT,
KATIE ?

( QUEEFS )

OH, MY GOD,
LOOK, KATHERINE !

IT'S CANADIAN TELEVISION STARS
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP !

OH, MY GOD,
THEY'RE FAMOUS !

OH, HELLO, SIRS !

IT IS SUCH AN HONOR
TO MEET YOU !

OH, KATIE, I'M GETTING
ALL GOOSE BUMPY AND QUEEFY !

( QUEEFING )

OOH !

MAY WE COME IN, PLEASE ?

OH, CERTAINLY, THOUGH
I FEAR WE LOOK A MESS !

PRETTY NICE PLACE
YOU HAVE HERE.

NETWORK MUST BE
PAYING YOU WELL.

OH, YES, THE SHOW IS GOING
ABOOT AS WELL AS IT COULD !

( QUEEFS )

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH WITH
THE QUEEFING !

WE DIDN'T COME
FOR A SOCIAL CALL !

THAT'S RIGHT,
WE'VE COME TO KILL YOU.

( GASPING )

WHY KILL US ?
WE LOVE YOU !

BECAUSE YOU'VE REDUCED
CANADA CHANNEL

TO SMUT AND TOILET HUMOR !

OH.

WELL, I SUPPOSE
IF WE'RE GOING TO DIE,

WE SHOULD DIE BY THE HANDS
OF OUR IDOLS.

YOUR IDOLS ?

WE GREW UP WATCHING YOU.

YOU MEANT
THE WORLD TO US.

WE USED TO FANTASIZE ABOUT
PLEASING YOU

IN ALL DIFFERENT WAYS.

KNOW THAT IT IS AN HONOR
TO DIE BY YOUR HAND.

I DON'T THINK I CAN
DO IT, PHILLIP.

WHY NOT ?

BECAUSE I'M SUDDENLY
FINDING MYSELF

STRANGELY
ATTRACTED TO KATHERINE.

WHAT ?!

THAT'S CRAZY, TERRANCE.

KATIE IS OBVIOUSLY
THE HOT ONE.

OOOHHH...

OHOHOHHOHH...

HEY, BUTTERS,
HOW YOU HOLDIN' UP, MAN ?

AW... HEY, FELLAS.

WE GOT YOU
A PRESENT, BUTTERS.

I'LL PUT IT HERE ON YOUR
NIGHTSTAND

'CAUSE NONE OF US WANNA TOUCH
YOU SINCE YOU GOT QUEEFED ON.

AW, THANKS.

BUTTERS, I'M AFRAID
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE.

ALL THE WOMEN SUDDENLY
THINK THAT...

QUEEFING IS FUNNY.

OHHHH !

OH !

CALM DOWN, BUTTERS !

THE MEN ARE
TAKING ACTION.

BUT WE NEED TO TAKE
YOUR PICTURE.

MY PICTURE ?

YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE FACE
OF QUEEF ABUSE, BUTTERS.

SO THAT WE CAN MAKE
PEOPLE OPEN THEIR EYES.

( FARTS )

( CACKLING )

( QUEEFS )
AHH !

( CACKLING )

( FARTS )

DAMN IT, I'M TRYING TO
ENJOY MY WINE, KATIE !

NO, THAT WAS ME, PHILLIP,
I FARTED.

OH, HA HA AHAHAH !

HAHHAHAAHH !

OH, THIS IS
A DREAM COME TRUE !

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
MEET YOU, PHILLIP !

( TIRES SCREECHING )

PHILLIP ?!
I'M TERRANCE !

WHAT ?!

I THOUGHT YOU
WERE TERRANCE !

NO, I'M PHILLIP !

OH, DEAR.

( MR. STOTCH )
A DISGUSTING
AND VIOLATING TREND

IS TAKING OVER OUR CITY,
OUR STATE, OUR NATION.

QUEEFING HAS BECOME
AN ACCEPTABLE EVIL.

"LAST WEEK AT OUR... SCHOOL,

"A GIRL QUEEFED RIGHT
INTO OUR FRIEND'S FACE.

"THAT IS WHY WE ARE HERE
TO TELL YOU,

"IT'S NOT A JOKE.

"ON TELEVISION,
US CHILDREN ARE STARTING

TO SEE AND HEAR MORE AND MORE
GRAPHIC QUEEFING."

I WOULD LIKE TO
TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO EXPLAIN WHY FARTS ARE FUNNY
AND QUEEFS ARE NOT.

MEN HAVE ALWAYS
JOKED ABOUT FARTS

AND WE, IN FACT,
NAME OUR FARTS.

WE HAVE THE "SQUEAKER."

( SQUEAKING FART )

AND THEN THERE'S
THE "FOG HORN."

( BELLOWING FART )

AND THE "DON'T BE SCARED."

( STAGGERING FART )

AND OF COURSE
THERE'S THE--

EXCUSE ME !

IF THAT REALLY
IS YOUR ARGUMENT,

IT ISN'T A VERY SOUND ONE.

WOMEN NAME THEIR
QUEEFS TOO.

THAT'S RIGHT !
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT !
OF COURSE WE DO !

FOR INSTANCE, WE HAVE
THE "SNEEZING UNICORN."

( SNEEZING QUEEF )

AND THE "RESUSCITATOR."

( STUTTERING QUEEF )

SICK !
STOP IT, LADY !

THAT'S NOT THE SAME !

WE'VE GOT THE
"CHINESE FIRECRACKER."

( EXPLOSIVE FART )

THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD,

BUT WE CAN DO
"THE ROAD WARRIOR."

( QUEEF )
NOOOO !

WE GO INNNNN !

WE KILLLL !

NO MORE TALK !
WE KILLLL !

SOON MY DOG OF WAR !

BUT WE HAVE TO
DO IT MY WAY !

LOSERS !
LOSERS WAIT !

AHGHGHGGHH !
AHGHGHGGHH !
AHGHGHGGHH !

JESUS CHRIST !

YOU STUPID BITCH !

WHAT THE FUCK IS
WRONG WITH YOU ?!

I'M NOT YOUR SEX TOY,
YOU FUCKING PIG !

YOU DON'T QUEEF IN BED
WHILE WE'RE HAVING SEX !

FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T
FUCKING SLAP ME !

COULD YOU PLEASE
KEEP IT DOWN ?

WE'RE TRYING TO
HAVE SEX OVER HERE.

SHE QUEEFED WHILE WE WERE
HAVING SEX, TERRANCE !

SICK !

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?

I'VE BEEN QUEEFING IN THIS
BED THE ENTIRE TIME !

WHAT ?!
GROSS !

HOW DARE YOU ?!

AHH !

GET OUT !
GET OUT, BOTH OF YOU !

WE NEVER WANT TO
SEE YOU AGAIN !

AFTER EVERYTHING
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH ?!

( SOBBING )

( QUEEFING )

WHAT THE HELL
AM I GOING TO DO, PHILLIP ?

SHE MAKES ME SO MAD
SOMETIMES.

KATHERINE JUST WON'T
STOP QUEEFING.

BUT I DON'T KNOW IF
I CAN LIVE WITHOUT HER.

( CRYING )

( QUEEFS )

KATIE, I'M SORRY.

I WAS WRONG.

ME TOO, KATHERINE.

I DON'T LOVE
YOUR QUEEFS,

BUT, DAMN IT,
I LOVE YOU.

OH, TERRANCE !
PHILLIP !

( MOANING & QUEEFING )

( ROOSTER CROWING )

( GASPING )
OH, MY GOD !

OH, MY GOD, STAN !

STAN, WE DID IT !

COLORADO SENATE MOVES
TO BAN QUEEFING !

NO WAY, WE DID IT ?

YEAH !
ALL RIGHT, SON !

YEAH !

WHAT'S GOING ON ?

HA-- READ IT
AND WEEP, SHARON !

NO MORE QUEEFING !

WELL...
CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS.

LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT US.

GOOD JOB.

AW, COME ON, JUST 'CAUSE
YOU CAN'T QUEEF ANYMORE...

YOU REALLY THINK WOMEN CARED
THAT MUCH ABOUT QUEEFING ?

IS THAT REALLY
WHAT YOU THINK THIS

HAS ALL BEEN ABOUT ?!

THIS HAS BEEN ABOUT WOMEN
HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN

FOR ONCE AT YOUR EXPENSE.

FOR JUST THIS ONE TIME,
WE COULD BE THE IMMATURE ONES

TO MAKE YOU FEEL
UNCOMFORTABLE.

BUT, NO, YOU JUST
COULDN'T LET US HAVE

THAT ONE LITTLE THING,
COULD YOU ?

BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THINGS
ARE GETTING BETTER FOR WOMEN,

YOU STILL THINK OF US AS
LESSER PEOPLE SOMETIMES

AND WE ALWAYS HAVE TO
PROVE OURSELVES TWICE AS HARD.

CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS,

FOR GETTING YOUR WAY...
AGAIN.

MOM, WE DIDN'T MEAN...

BOY, OH, BOY...

I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE
SCREWED UP ROYAL, STAN.

YEAH, WE ALL GOT SO
CAUGHT UP IN HOW WE FELT

THAT WE DIDN'T REALIZE
WOMEN ACTUALLY CARED

ABOUT SOMETHING
A LOT DEEPER.

STAN, LET'S CALL
THE GUYS TOGETHER.

MAYBE WE CAN MAKE
THIS RIGHT.

♪ THERE'S A TIME
IN OUR LIVES ♪

♪ WHEN WE MUST
LISTEN TO THE OPPRESSED ♪

♪ AND REALIZE

♪ WE'VE BEEN KEEPING
WOMEN DOWN ♪

♪ THEY HAVE POWER
AND THEY HAVE COURAGE ♪

♪ AND WE MUST ALL STAND BY
THE BELIEF ♪

♪ THAT A WOMAN IS STRONG

♪ AND SHE HAS
THE RIGHT TO QUEEF ♪

♪ FLY FREE

♪ FREE TO QUEEF
ALOUD ♪

♪ FLY FREE

♪ LET EVERY QUEEF SHOW
THAT YOU'RE PROUD ♪

♪ YOU FACED
SO MANY CHALLENGES ♪

♪ TO PUT AN END
TO YOUR GRIEF ♪

♪ YOU'RE A WOMAN NOW

♪ AND YOU ARE FREE
TO QUEEF ♪

♪ IT'S TIME FOR EQUALITY

♪ WE MUST GIVE THEM
THE RESPECT THEY DESERVE ♪

♪ THEY'RE JUST THE SAME
AS YOU AND ME ♪

♪ THEIR RIGHTS
MUST BE PRESERVED ♪

♪ QUEEF FREE

♪ QUEEF FREE

♪ EVERY WOMAN
HAS THE RIGHT ♪

♪ QUEEF FREE

♪ QUEEF FREE

♪ LET YOUR QUEEFING STAR
SHINE BRIGHT ♪

♪ YOU ARE WOMAN
HEAR YOU ROAR ♪

♪ QUEEF FREE

♪ QUEEFING TOO LOUD
TO IGNORE ♪

( QUEEFS )

♪ QUEEF A LITTLE
EACH DAY ♪

♪ AND LET YOUR
SOUL TAKE FLIGHT ♪

♪ AAAHHHHH

♪ AHHHH

♪ QUEEF FREEEEEEE

FOR THIS REASON,

A MAN WILL LEAVE
HIS FATHER AND MOTHER

AND BE UNITED TO HIS WIFE

AND THE TWO WILL
BECOME ONE FLESH.

( QUEEFS )
NO !

( CACKLING )

STOP IT, KATHERINE !

THIS IS A SERIOUS
MOMENT !

THEREFORE WHAT GOD HAS JOINED
TOGETHER LET NO MAN--

( FARTS )
AGHGH !

( CACKLING )

( QUEEFS )
OH, SICK !

( FARTS )

( QUEEFS )
( FARTS )

THAT'S IT !

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
FARTS AND QUEEFS !

( ALL CACKLING )

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
COMEDY CENTRAL

CAPTIONED BY
SOUNDWRITERS*