South Park (1997–…): Season 12, Episode 4 - Canada on Strike - full transcript

# I'm going down to South Park #

# Gonna have myself a time #

# Friendly faces everywhere #

# Humble folks without temptation #

# Going down to South Park #

# Gonna leave my woes behind #

# Ample parking day or night #

# People spouting "howdy neighbor" #

# Headed on up to South Park #

# Gonna see if I can't unwind #

# Come on down to South Park #



# And meet some friends of mine ##

Students, quiet please, m'kay.

As you may or may not know,

today is Canada Appreciation Day.

Oh, God, I'm bored already!

M'kay, so we've been
asked to show you a video

from the World Canadian Bureau.

Start the tape please.

Hello, I am Stephen Abootman,

Pwesident of the
World Canadian Bureau.

Do you ever stop to think

how important Canada is to the world?

Right now, I would like all
students of Canadian descent

in this school to stand up.



Just look at all these fine
Canadians in your school.

See how diverse they are.

When you think of Canada,

what's the one thing
that comes to mind?

Gayness!

That's right-- spirit.

What is it that makes
Canada so important?

Nothing.

My fellow Canadians,

for too long we have been
pooshed around and ridiculed!

Yesterday was supposed to be a day

of appreciation and understanding.

Instead,

Canada Appreciation Day

was mocked worldwide!

Nobody takes us Canadians seriously!

It's like the world doesn't
respect Canada at all, eh?!

That's right.

And I think it's time
for Canada to show the world

just how bad things
would be without it!

Together we can send a message.

It's time for Canada to strike!

Did you say strike?

Yes, every Canadian join me!

Join together!

Canada on strike!

Canada on strike!

# Canada #

# Canadaa #

# Canadaaa #

# Canadaaaa #

# Canada on strike #

# Canada says no more #

# No more neglect we want respect #

# That's what we're striking for #

# All you bureaucrats
and corporate cats #

# Can all just take a hike #

# It's Canada #

# On strike #

# Canada on strike #

# From Vancouver to St. Johns #

# We raise our middle fingers #

# For you all to sit upon #

# And with our fingers up your ass #

# You won't be very psyched #

# It's Canada #

# On strike #

# And we will not bow or budge #

# Our resolve is strong #

# We even took three hours #

# To rehearse this striking song #

# Canada on strike #

# No matter where you are #

# If you are Canadian #

# Then you've got to do your part #

# March out of the halls #

That's right, suck my Canadian balls.

# It's Canada #

# On strike #

# It's Canada #

# Canada Canada #

# On strike ##

Uh, when you say
"Canada is on strike,"

what exactly do you mean?

What do you think it means?!

We're striking, buddy!

No more, that's it,
until we get what we want!

Who exactly are you to
authorize this strike?

I am Stephen Abootman,
leader of the W.G.A.

The W.G.A.?

Yes, the World Canadian Bureau.

What exactly does Canada want?

We want more money.

Yeah, more money.

More money from where?

Just more money, you know?

Canada doesn't get enough money!

Other countries have lots of money!

We want--
we want some of that money!

How about the internet?

The internet makes lots of money!

So give us some of that money!

Yeah, give us internet money!

Mr. Abootman, you seem to

not understand how global
economics works.

I think that--

Don't give me that
fat-cat fancy lip-wiggling!

Are you gonna give Canada
more money or not?!

I'm afraid we can't.

Then you leave Canada no choice.

The strike shall continue!

"Honk if you support Canada."

Hey, honey, watch this.

Oh, we're supporting unions!

That's right, we're a very
progressive couple.

Yes!

Oh, that's fun!

Well, we've done our
good deed for the week!

I think now I can
make love to your anus

without making God angry.

Oh, really? Goody!

Guys, I'm really
worried about my brother.

We don't care.

You should care!

This strike affects everybody, fat ass!

- Shh, shh, it's on!
- Yippie!

It's the Terrance and Phillip Show.

Today's episode: "I Fart Huckabees."

Aw, this one again!

God, they've replayed this one
like 80 times now!

Say, Phillip, I just
bought this new hybrid car.

Oh, does it run on electricity?

No, it uses natural gas.

Natural gas!

Huh, it somehow loses its punch

after multiple viewings.

God damn it, when are
they gonna air new

Terrance and Phillip shows?

There aren't gonna be new shows,

don't you get it?

Terrance and Phillip are Canadian.

We have to get
Canada to end this strike!

It's not a big deal.

We can just watch American comedy.

You think that's bad?

Remember the time I sang
"La Cucaracha"

for Paul McCartney?

No, no!

We are not resorting to that!

We want more, we want more!

One, two, three, four,

Canada deserves more... money!

One, two, three, four,

Canada deserves more...money!

Look, buddy, me and Phillip
need to go home for a bit.

Go home?

You can't leave the picket line!

But this is taking too long
and Phillip is diabetic!

Look, guy, we all have to stay strong!

If you don't stand
with your fellow Canadians,

then you are a rat.

Don't call me a rat, buddy!

I'm not your buddy, friend!

He's not your friend, guy!

I'm not your guy, buddy!

He's not your buddy, friend!

I'm not your friend, guy!

Don't you two understand anything?

You think striking is a joke?!

You think it's something to ridicule?!

Yeah, you think this is funny?

Don't you see that
we have to stand together

or else we are nothing.

Stephen, Stephen!

A call came in from the United States!

They want to talk to you
aboot ending the strike!

What did I tell you!

I told you we'd get to
them sooner or later!

All right, shh, shh!
Quiet, everyone!

Let me handle this...

Yes, this is Stephen Abootman,
head of the W.G.A.

Uh, hi.

We want you to end the strike.

Oh, you do, huh?!

They've had enough.

They want us to end the strike!

All right, all right,
shh, shh, shh, quiet, quiet.

Let me deal with this.

All right, we're prepared to end the strike

if you're agreeing that
we should have more money.

We totally think you
should have more money.

We got 'em!
We did it!

All right, how much are you gonna give us?

Huh?

Well, we don't really have that much money.

Oh, negotiating hard ball, are we?

What about all that internet money?

The internet?

You listen to me, friend.

You better figure out a way to
get us our fair amount of money.

And until you come
back with a solid, fair number,

I'm finished talking to you,

you slimy, corporate dickhead!

Don't worry, don't worry,

this is how negotiating works.

This is good.

We've got 'em by the balls.

Alright!

What'd they say?

They said we have to give them money

that we make on the internet.

How are we supposed to
make money on the internet?

Well, how do other people

make money on the internet?

We'd have to put
something up on the internet

that everyone would find fascinating.

Wait, I've got it.

# I said what what #

# In the butt #

# I said what what #

# In the butt #

# I said what what #

# In the butt #

# I said what what #

# In the butt #

# You wanna do it in my butt #

# In my butt #

# You wanna do it in my butt #

# In my butt #

# You wanna do it in my butt #

# In my butt #

# Let's do it in the butt #

# O-kay #

# It's okay #

# If you have a little fight #

# Don't you worry #

# I won't bite #

# Not that hard #

# If you want it #

# I'll give you power #

# Just be gentle #

# I'm delicate like a flower #

# Give it to me #

# If you please #

# Give it to me #

- # If you please #
- Oh, my.

# What what in the butt #

# I said what what #

# In the butt #

# I said what what #

# In the butt #

# I said what what #

# In the butt #

# You wanna do it in my butt #

# In my butt #

# You wanna do it in my butt #

# In my butt #

# You wanna do it in my butt #

# In my butt #

# Let's do it in the butt #

# O-kay ##

There's more people viewing it!

This is going great!

Don't worry, Ike!

The strike'll be over soon!

And in other world news,

the leader of Japan today is calling for

an increase in military spending.

How come they haven't mentioned
anything about us?

When are they gonna get to the strike?

Don't worry, the strike is big news.

I'm sure it'll be one of
the top stories.

In other news tonight,
it's the internet video

that has already seen over
ten million views.

A young, confused-looking boy

dancing and singing a song called

"What what in my asshole."

Tom, in just one week the
video has become

the most-watched
thing in all of America.

The boy in the video,

referred to by most as
"that little gay kid"

has already been asked

to appear on Jimmy Kimmel
and The Today Show.

God damn it, that's not news!

What about us?

Look, uh, Stephen...
Terrance and I were talking

and, well, it's starting to look like maybe

we're not gonna win this thing, you know?

We'll win!

We just have to stay resilient!

Well, yeah, but everyone
is dying of starvation.

Yeah, let's give it up, guy.

Don't call me your guy!

I'm not your guy, fwiend!

I'm not your friend, buddy!

I'm not your buddy, guy!

Wait, here it is!

Turn it up, we're on!

And finally tonight, a new development
in the Canada strike.

For those of you
who don't remember or don't care,

Canada has been
striking for more money.

- Yeah!
- All right!

There it is!

Shh, I told you, I told you!

Listen, let'-- shh--
let's-let's listen.

In a shocking turn of events,

it now appears that thousands of
people from Denmark

are flooding into the United States

with hopes of taking the place of
the striking Canadians.

What?

Do you really think you Danish
can replace the Canadians?

Well, where we come from it's
pretty cold too, yeah?

We like hockey and nobody
really pays any attention to us.

Nobody knows where Denmark is.

Right, so when you think about it,

we're the Canadians of Europe.

Scabs!

How could you?

Uh, hi.

We made a really
successful thing on the internet

and we'd like to collect our money.

Take a number and wait
with everyone else.

Ma'am, perhaps you don't recognize

the internet sensation
"Little Gay Kid" from "Youtube."

Take a number and wait
with everyone else!

Chocolate Rain!

Agh!

Hey, I know you.

You're the
"What what in my asshole" kid.

"What what in the butt," Sir.

It's "Tron guy."

I saw him on "Youtube."

Yeah, sure, all the biggest internet
stars are here.

You remember, of course,
Numa Numa?

# My-a-hi #

# My-a-hu #

# My-a-ha #

# Mi-a-ha-ha ##

And the "Star Wars kid"?

And the internet sensation,
"Cute Sneezing Panda."

Achoo!

And there's "Dramatic-Look Gopher."

Wow, I've seen all you guys
on the internet!

So how many people
have seen your internet video?

Ugh, a few hundred thousand.

Ha!

Mere peanuts.

"Chocolate Rain" has done gangbusters.

Theoretically, I'm a millionaire.

Dude, screw you.

Your internet thing is so last year.

Leave "Chocolate Rain" guy alone!

Leave him alone!

I'm serious!

Excuse me.

Hello?

You greedy, corporate fat cat.

You said you would get us money.

We're working on it.

You're stalling because
you think I'll give up.

You know that most Canadians
are talking about

giving up the strike already.

You've got me over a
barrel and you know it!

Sir, we're doing everything we can!

You want me to say it again?

You've got me over a barrel.

There, you happy?

You've got me bent over a barrel

with my tender ass just
waiting to be pulverized

by your thrusting manhood!

Do you realize how stupid
I'm going to look

if I call off the strike
after starting all this?

I won't do it, you hear me, guy?

You're wrong!

No matter what happens,

I will never call off this strike.

Even if it means we all die.

We don't want you to die.

Then you better hurry.

We don't have much longer.

The blood will be on your hands.

We have to speed this up.

Can we collect our internet
money in front of you please?

I don't think so.

Nothing takes priority
over "Chocolate Rain."

Oh, here he goes with the ego again.

Who crowned you
the top internet star?

I did, when I became
bigger than all you bitches.

Oh, please!

"Laughing Baby" had four times
as many views as you!

You better shut your fucking mouth,
"Laughing Baby."

Did you all forget about "Afro Ninja"?

My internet thing
was bigger than anybody's.

I made over 100 million
theoretical dollars!

Well, "Sneezing Panda" is
theoretically worth billions!

You all wanna motherfucking die?

No!
Argh!

Haa!
Aggh!

Hi-yah!

Hey, forget it, we'll wait our turn!

Hi-yah!

Hargh, eyaaaaa!

# My-a-hi #

# My-a-hu #

# My-a-ha-- ##

Leave "Tron guy" alone!

Leave him alone!

Aghghghgh!

Get ready for some
chocolate pain, bitch.

Ahghghgghgh!

Yah!

Leave the panda alone!

Leave her alone!
I'm serious!

Ahghghghghh!

Ughghgh!

Ahghghghghghgh!

Thought I forgot about you, gopher?

Ugh, my brains...

Sweet, I think we're next in line now.

Stephen, Stephen, they're here!

They've come to negotiate!

What?
You mean it?

Okay, we did it.

Who the hell are you?

We're the ones you told
to go get internet money.

Here, we made ten million
theoretical dollars.

It's all for you.

Theoretical dollars?

What am I supposed to do with that?

You little time-wasters!

Hey, we worked really hard
to get this theoretical money.

Yeah, everyone thinks I'm a homo now!

You are a homo, Butters.

Dude, will you just end this thing now?

My little brother is gonna die!

No, I'm not gonna look like an idiot!

If I fucked up and led everyone astray,

the last thing I'm gonna do is admit it!

Yes, this is the head of the W.G.A.

The World Canadian Bureau.

Ah, Mr. Abootman,

it's the Global World Summit Leaders.

We want to talk to you about the strike.

You-you do?

You want to negotiate?

No, actually, we were just wondering

if when you're all dead,
we can use Newfoundland

for a new global theme park.

Hello?

Will you just give this
guy something, please?

Excuse me?

He just doesn't want to
look like an idiot

so he needs everyone to think the
strike was for something.

Just give him anything.

Well, we could give Canada
some small consolation prize.

If they give you something small,
will you end the strike?

Will they act like they're
giving Canada a lot

so everyone thinks I did a good job?

Can you act like you're giving him a lot?

Sure, why not?

We have won!

So how much did we get?

Well, we... we didn't get
everything that we wanted

but we negotiated hard

and we got these coupons to Bennigan's

and free bubblegum for every Canadian!

These coupons entitle every Canadian

to a free meal at Bennigan's...

with the purchase of a meal

at equal or greater value, of course.

We did it!

My friends, this is the greatest victory

in Canadian history.

Ike... Ike!

- It's over.
- It's over?

Yeah, here you go.

Boy, I'm sure glad that's over with!

Me too!

Yeah, but, you know,
I learned something today.

We thought we
could make money on the internet,

but while the internet is new and
exciting for creative people

it hasn't matured
as a distribution mechanism

to the extent that one
should trade real and immediate

opportunities for income for the promise

of future on-line revenue.

It will be a few years before
digital distribution of media

on the internet
can be monetized to an extent

that necessitates
content producers to forgo

their fair value in
more traditional media.

Yeah.

# Yahoo #

# It's a celebration #

Yeah, we did it!

Celebrate, everyone!

Woo-hoo!

# It's a celebration #

# Celebrate... ##

Hold on a minute!
Wait just a second!

We just did some calculating.

By not working during the strike,

Canadians lost 10.4 million dollars.

And our Bennigan's coupons
and bubblegum

is worth roughly $3,008.

Don't look at that.
Come on, friends, let's dance.

You had no idea what you were doing

and now you're trying to
make it look like you won

so that we won't set you adrift!

Damn it, friends, don't you see?

We won for future Canadians, guy.

So the little guy doesn't get
pushed around anymore.

This was a victory for Canada's respect.

Eh, what do you think you're doing?

We're setting you adrift, idiot.

Maybe you can go live with the Danish!

You'll regret this day, friend!

I'm not your friend, buddy!

I'm not your buddy, guy!

He's not your guy, friend!

I'm not your friend, buddy!

We're not your buddies, guy!

I'm not your guy, friends!