South Park (1997–…): Season 12, Episode 13 - Elementary School Musical - full transcript

# I'm going down to South Park #

# Gonna have myself a time #

# Friendly faces everywhere #

# Humble folks without temptation #

# Going down to South Park #

# Gonna leave my woes behind #

# Ample parking day or night #

# People spouting "howdy neighbor" #

# Headed on up to South Park #

# Gonna see if I can't unwind #

# Come on down to South Park #



# And meet some friends of mine #

Ha ha haaa!
Look at Kenny's lunch!

A bologna sandwich and water!

Ha haaa!
Goddamn, your family's poor, dude!

Hey, you fellas wanna go see
High School Musical 3 tonight?!

A bunch of kids from school
are gonna go see it again!

What's High School Musical 3?

You know, the sequel to
High School Musical 1 and 2.

What's High School Musical 1 and 2?

There's not even condiments
on his bologna sandwich!

Ha haahah!

What's High School Musical 1 and--

dude, it's only the most popular thing
with kids in our age group!

Yeah, where the hell have you guys been?



Peru.

And then I saw High School Musical 3
again on Friday,

and guess who was there...
Bridon Gueermo.

Bridon Gueermo--
oh, he's such a dream!

I'd give anything to be with Bridon Gueermo.

But he'd never go for me, I'm nobody.

That's not true, Red.

Everyone has something
that makes them unique.

# Everyone is special #

# In their own way #

# Move to the beat and let your spirit out #

# As long as we've got each other #

# We'll never have any trouble #

# That's what bein' friends is about #

# Oh yeah #

# Everyone is special #

# In their own way #

# And we'll always be together as one... #

What the hell are they doing?

I have no idea.

#... together we'll stay #

# And every kidin school #

# Is special in their own way #

Dude, girls are such fags.

# Oh yeah, oh yeah #

# Boys #

# Are special in their own way #

# Girls #

# Are special like a birthday #

# We'll always be dancin' #

# And singin' it loud #

# Aah # Ahh # # Ahh #
# Ahhhh #

Here he comes!

# I like havin' fun #

# In the hot summer sun #

# And grooving to the beat #

# When my homework is all done #

# If you ask me what I know... #

Who the hell is that?

That's Bridon Gueermo.

He's just a third grader,

but he can sing and dance
better than anybody!

He's already seen High School Musical 3
over 100 times!

#... everyone is special in their own way #

# Special in their own way #

# Let it out party people #

Are we the only ones here
who are completely confused?

Yeah, I guess we better
check that movie out.

# You got to go with the status quo #

# If you wanna be a regular joe #

# Come on now #

# And your dreams are only a beat away #

# Don't let 'em tell you no #

# You got to go with the status quo #

# Keep singin' about the status quo #

# That's the phrase we know #

# Get down now... #

This... is cool?

# Sing about what we know #

This is cool?

We are really getting old, you guys.

# Goin' with the status #

# Go with the status quo #

# Go with the status #

# 'cause that's where we should go... #

It says this D.V.D. sold more copies
than any D.V.D. ever made.

They just released part three in theaters
and it made 80 million opening weekend.

Well, I'm out, guys.

If this is what's cool now, I think I'm done.

I no longer have any connection to this world.

I'm gonna go home and kill myself.

Good-bye, friends.

I don't care how popular being
like these kids becomes,

I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it either-- Kenny?

No fucking way I'm doing it.

All right, we promise?

We have to swear to each other right now
we'll never become this.

- I swear.
- I swear too.

Okay, good.

What happened, I thought
you were gonna kill yourself.

I tried.

Went to sleep in my Mom's car in the
garage with the engine turned on.

But you didn't die?

Freakin' hybrids, man.
They just don't do the trick anymore.

All right, kids in seats, kids in seats.

Today we are going to
discuss the Berlin Wall.

This was a wall in Germany

that actually separated
the communist east side

and the democratic west side.

# East side west side #

# Whatever side that you're on #

# As long as we care about each other #

# We can still all have some fun... #

Oh, man.

# Don't sweat what you might get #

# By seeing the other side as a threat... #

Oh, you kids!

# We gotta learn to all get along #

# East side west side #

# It doesn't matter to me #

# We gotta learn to power through
and set each other free #

# Don't care what other people wear #

# Or the way they like to style their hair #

# Neither side is right or wrong,
that's why we got to all get along #

God, this sucks!

Do you feel like maybe you're
l-l-losing her, S-Stan?

I don't know.

There's nothing I can do about it anyway.

Maybe you should just talk to her.

You know, a little conversation.

Tell her what you feel.

# Sometimes ya feel like there's
a b-b-burnin' inside ya like a-- #

Just stop.

All righty then.

Uh, Wendy...

Hey, Stan.

Look, I just want you to know,

if you want to, you know,
be with that Bridon kid, then you should.

What?

I mean, I see the way you two are together
and I don't wanna be in your way.

Stan, that's ridiculous.

- It is?
- I would never leave you for Bridon.

- Really?
- No way!

That'd be stupid!

I wouldn't have a chance with Bridon.
He can be with any girl he wants!

There you go.
Feel better, p-pal?

What am I supposed to do?

I can't just sit back and watch some kid
steal my girlfriend away.

I mean, Wendy says
she'd never leave me for him,

but what if she just doesn't
wanna hurt my feelings?

She said he could get any girl he wants,

and that means if he wanted,
he could have my girl.

This is all so crazy.

I mean, really, how could
my day get any worse?

No, no--
no, I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it!

Awww! Come on!

No, fuck off, I'm not doing it!

Aw, jeez, you're no fun.

- Hey, Bridon!
- Hey.

- Hi, Bridon.
- Hi.

Hey, Bridon!

Hey.

Hey, kid, over here.

Hey, uh, listen...

You know this whole singing
and dancing thing you do,

I think you need to,
uh, ease off a little bit.

Huh?

Yeah, look, I know you think
the kids in school like you,

but actually they're all
getting really annoyed.

- They are?
- Yeah, you don't know

'cause you're just a third grader,
but take it from me,

you're driving everyone crazy.

I don't blame them.

All that singing and dancing--
I can't stand it.

You don't like doing it?

It just isn't me.

What I really wanna do is
just play basketball.

Basketball?

I love it, always have.

I never miss a game on TV--

when my Dad isn't making me rehearse.

I'd love to quit singing and dancing forever

and just play ball.

Dude, you should do that.

You should join the basketball team
right now.

- I can't.
- Yes, you can.

What's stopping you?

It's my Dad.

He thinks basketball is for sissies.

If I don't do what he wants, he beats me.

No, dude, listen, you need to take a stand
and tell your Dad what you want.

Really?

When you grow up and you're a fourth grader,

you'll understand that you have to be tough
and direct with your parents.

Go to your Dad and tell him
you wanna give up singing and dancing

and join the basketball team.

You know, you're right.

I'm gonna talk to my old man tonight.

Sweet.

Sit up properly, Bridon.

You know how strict your
father is about posture.

All right, dear, dinner's ready.

Okay, let's eat!

Dad, I need to talk to you about something.

Ooh, that sounds emotional!

# What is it son #

# What's on your mind #

# Whatever it is,
you know your Dad has the time #

No, Dad, can we just talk?

# If you can talk it you can sing it #

# You can lay down
the rhythm and bring it #

# Just put a melody to the words #

# That you're sayin' and soon you'll be-- #

Dad, I wanna join the basketball team.

What did you say?

This kid at school today
told me I should do what I wanna do.

That's what I really wanna do.

Basketball?!

No son of mine is going to be
a sweaty little jock!

But, Dad, it's what I really want.

There's no singing and dancing in basketball!

I know, that's kind of why I like it.

Don't you even think about it!

If I had a jock for a son,

I'd be the laughing stock of
the men's choir club!

It's my life, Dad!

Don't make me slap you.

I will slap your face so super hard!

I am the man of this house!

You disrespect me and you're
gonna get slapped!

Maybe you should let him try it.

What did you say, woman?!

You aren't being fair.

That's it!
I'm gonna slap you!

No, please!

# I slap you
I slap you #

# I slap, slap, slap you #

# I'm slappin' you slappin' you silly
'cause you disrespected me #

You guys, I need to copy your
math homework before class.

You're not copying my
homework, you lazy turd.

Fuck you, Kyle!

# And you know #

- # We're together at school again #
- # School again #

# With all of our friends... #

Aww!

# We'll be doing this forever... #

Ugh, God, shut up!

# What a special day... #

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

# Never #

# Going away #

Hey, kid, what happened?

I thought you didn't wanna
sing and dance anymore.

Yeah, well, my Dad blew
a gasket when I told him,

and then he beat my Mom.

Dude, what did I tell you?

You have to be tough
and stand up for yourself!

Mr. Garret, Mr. Garret!

This kid wants to join the basketball team.
He's really good.

Really?

Look, I should be getting to class.

Hey, we sure could use you, kid.

I can never find enough
kids that wanna play ball.

All the kids and the school
funding goes to the theater department.

You see? They need you.
This is fate, kid-- fate.

I don't know.

Look, just come in at recess
and shoot some balls with the team.

Yeah, just go in at recess and shoot
some balls with the team, Goddamn it.

Okay.

Hey, that's great, Bridon!

Thanks!

We might have a chance at winning now!

Bridon!

# What are ya doing here #

# What are ya doing here #

# Ba-bow, ba-bow ba-bow #

Dad, I was just messing around.

I drove by the school

and saw kids on the playground
doing a music number

and you weren't there!

You're here in the sports gym
shooting basket hoops!

Hey, your kid is really good at this.

Don't talk to me, stupid jock asshole!

Just go easy on him, huh?

You know what this means?!

It means you're about to get slapped.

So you better shut up!

If he wants to play ball, you should let him.

I'll do it!

I'll slap the shit outta you!

He's just a kid.

You don't tell me how to raise my son!

I'll slap it again.

Dad, stop!

You're trying to turn my son

into a little asshole
sports person like yourself!

There, there's another slap.

Maybe you'll think next time you act you---

Slap it, I slap it!

Ow, Dad!

Dad, you're hurting me!

Shut up, Bridon!

Uh, what's going on here, Mr. Gueermo?

Get outta my way, Mackey!

You want a piece a this?!

I'll slap everyone in this
Goddamn school if I have to!

You are never going to play shooty hoops!
Do you understand?!

You are gonna sing and dance
and be the best at it!

You're hurting my arm!

Ah, shit.

Oh, that's good, that's good.

Yeah, shoot that guy in the face, Kyle.

Yeah, nice.

You guys...this High School Musical
thing isn't gonna go away.

I think we better just get on-board with it.

What?!
Are you crazy?

No way, dude.

We promised each other
we would never do that.

- Remember?
- Yeah!

I know, but I think we're really starting to
become outcasts at school.

We're losing all our credibility.

I mean, look at who you guys
are hanging out with now.

Scott Malkinson, for Christ's sake!

What so bad about hanging out with me?

Shut up, Scott Malkinson.

I'm Scott Malkinson.
I've got a lisp and I've got diabetes.

Hey, don't make fun of my diabetes.

Don't make fun of my diabetes.

I'm Scott Malkinson.

You can rip on him,
but you guys are hanging out with him.

Doesn't that make you think maybe
your clout at school has slipped a little?

Stan, you're just jealous of that third grader

and you think Wendy's gonna go for him
unless you start singing and dancing too.

Yeah.

That isn't true!

Okay, that's totally true.

But, you guys, we are at risk of
becoming the unpopular kids.

Hey, that was supposed
to be my power-up pack.

That was supposed to be
my power-up pack.

I'm Scott Malkinson, I have diabetes.

# Ya-da-da ya-da-da #

# Ya-da-da da-da-da-da-da #

# High School Musical is so awesome-- #

Mr. Gueermo?

What?!

We're from child-protective services.

There's some concern you might be
physically abusing your child.

What?!
Who the hell's been saying that?!

We got a phone call from a concerned
student who wishes to remain anonymous.

His name is Stan Marsh.

You better just turn your asses around
and get back in your little car

'cause there's a world of hurt
about to come your way.

Mr. Gueermo we need to come in
and have a word with your son.

Oh, by all means.

You got the balls to come in here, do it.

Do it.

Hello, Bridon, my name is Mr. Kelly.

We just wanted to talk to you
for a few minutes, if that's okay,

and just maybe--

Yeah, there it is!
Slapped you!

You probably think I'm finished, huh?!

No, there's another one!

Oh, my God!

Don't worry, bitch, I didn't forget about you!

There's a slap for you!

Slap, slap, slap!

Yeah, there you go! Here's a little "reach
around the back of the head" slap!

Oh, God, please!
You have to get away, he won't ever stop!

Oh, I'm going slap happy!

# I'm goin' slap, slap happy #

# Slappity slappin' you #

# Teachin' you a lesson for
comin' in my house #

What are you looking at, Robertson?!

They're here!

The audition results for
the school musical are in!

Hey, you got the lead, Wendy!

- All right!
- All right, Wendy!

Who's the male lead?

No surprise there, it's Bridon!

- All right, Bridon!
- Cool, Bridon!

I get to be a stand-in!

Congratulations, Bridon!
Guess we'll be working a lot together!

Yeah, great.

Goddamn it!

No matter what I do, this kid just won't stop.

And now they're gonna be
in a show together?!

Jesus, it's all over for me.

They'll probably even have a kissing scene!

What did I do to deserve this?

And what am I supposed to do now?

# Someone's #

# In the kitchen with Dinah #

# Someone's in the kitchen I know #

# Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah #

# Strummin' on the old banjo #

# And goin' fe fi fiddley oh #

# Fi fi fiddley I ohhhhhh #

# Fe fi fiddley I ohhhhh #

# Strummin' on the ol' banjo #

# Jo jo #

# Go tell Aunt Rhodie #

# Go tell Aunt Rhodie #

# Go tell Aunt Rhodie #

# The old gray goose is... #

# Happy birthday to you #

# Happy birthday to... #

# Can you hear the rhythm #

# Now is the time the time #

# It's time to go to bed #

# Yes time to call it a day #

# You can reach the stars-- #

Oh, please you have to do something!

What are you interrupting me for?!

It's our son, he's running away!

What?!

# What's going on here #

# What's this all about #

# What do you think you're doing #

Dad, I'm sick of you trying to always--

No, no, sing it!

No, I'm sick of singing!

# Can you believe it?
What'd he just say? #

# What's the matter with
kids these days? #

# Kids these days #

# Kids these days #

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Just go right back to your room
and sing a ballad, mister!

Just let me go!

Go ahead... make my day.

You get upstairs, or I will slap you

until there's little red handprints
all over your face.

Ahgghgh!

Oh, my God, what was that?!

Did you see that?!

Oh, my God, it hurt so bad!

Agh!

What the "h" is going on?!

What are you doing?
This is crazy!

Well, I had to see it to believe it!

I told you, guys.

He's been watchin High School Musical
over and over again.

Actually, this is High School Musical 2.

It has a dance-along part.

We said we wouldn't be a part of this fad
and look at you!

Yeah, look at yourself, man!

Look, you guys might be fine
with being outcasts

and hanging out with
Scott Malkinson, but I'm not.

You know what, at least Scott Malkinson
has some self-respect!

At least Scott Malkinson doesn't cave in to
peer pressure and start doing musicals!

Scott Malkinson has a lisp and diabetes!

Nobody's gonna let him do a musical!

That's enough, you guys, it's not cool.

Lots of kids have diabetes,
and you shouldn't be--

You shouldn't rip on kids
with diabetes, that's not cool.

I'm Scott Malkinson.

Look, guys, the world is changing.

We can't fight it, we have to change with it.

I've been watching these movies

and from the looks of it,

there's gonna be a lot more singing and
dancing when we get to high school.

And if you think we'll gain any respect
by ignoring this thing and be individuals,

then think about this--

right now, everyone thinks Butters...

is way cooler than any of you.

That's a low blow, Stan.

Third team foul on West Jeff Bobcats,
m'kay.

Ball goes back over to the Cows.

All right, you ready to get in there, Bridon?!

I'm ready, coach.

Give em' hell!

Just a minute to go in the first quarter.

# Hey #

# Hey #

# Hey #

# Hey #

# We will we will #

# Rock you #

# Sing it #

# We will we will... #

Hey, Bridon, how come you weren't at
musical rehearsals last night?

I joined the basketball team.

I gave up singing and dancing forever.
I'm just not into it.

You gave it up?

That's right. You know, sometimes you just
have to go with what your heart tells you.

There's things we're all good at

and we can't just keep
them bottled up inside.

# 'Cause you got to do
what you wanna do #

# Don't let nothin' get in your way #

# Chase your dream every day #

# True girl you know it's true #

# That if you really wanna be you #

# You gotta do what you wanna do #

# He was unhappy #

# 'Cause he just wanted to play ball #

# But he finally got the courage #

# To answer his heart's call #

# Just like me all I ever wanted #

# Was to sing and dance #

# And now that I stood up for my dream #

# I finally have the chance #

# You gotta do what you wanna do #

# Even if other people #

# Don't really want you to #

# True girl you know it's true #

# That the thing you want to do #

# Is the thing that you should do #

# Some kids think I'm strange #

# 'cause I like studying for an exam #

# But I don't let that bother me #

# Because it's who I am #

# And I like nothing better than #

# Making fun of Jews #

# And ripping on black people #

# Though some people think it's rude,
but you gotta #

# Do what you wanna do #

# Just make sure that
what you're doing #

# Is what's cool and popular
with everyone else #

# Chew baby chew and chew... #

Hey, Bridon, can we watch
you practice basketball?

Uh, sure.

Do what you want don't have restraint.

Don't stress about it or you just might faint

You gotta do what you wanna do

# Do what you wanna do #

# As long as what you wanna do #

# Is what everybody wants you to #

# Glue baby buy some glue #

# Just in case what you're doing... #

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys!

Huh?

Where'd everybody go?

The girls all wanted to go watch
that Bridon kid practice basketball.

But the girls like singing and dancing.

No, I think the girls just
like that Bridon kid,

no matter what he does.

But...no, we just--
no, no, wait!

We just got good at this!
Awwww!