South Park (1997–…): Season 11, Episode 12 - Imaginationland: Episode III - full transcript

"Imaginationland: Episode 3"
aka
Moistening of the Scrotum

I'm going down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time,

Friendly faces everywhere,
humble folks without temptation,

I'm going down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind,

Ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor,

I'm heading out to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind,

I like fucking silly bitches
and I know my penis likes it.

So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine,

Imaginationland
used to be a happy place.

But then the terrorists attacked.
And so many of us were killed.

The Barrier came down



and all the most evil imaginary
characters were unleashed.

Now our final battle
will take place.

The evil characters
are marching toward us.

With the intent
to wipe us all out.

This is
gonna be fun, huh?

We prepare for a battle
we cannot win.

Sweet and cuddly
imagninary characters,

many who have never held a weapon,
must now fight for their very lives.

We are too few in number,
but we have one hope.

That is where you come in, young boy.
Only you can help us win this battle.

What can I do?

You have a power here
that you have yet to understand.

Help!

Back it up!



Look!
Right there!

See that?

Help!

What does that
look like to you?

It's man-bear pig!

I told you it was real!
Look again!

There! Half man,
half bear, and half pig!

Do you see it?

Yes, we see it, Mr. Gore.

Something big is going on

and the American people
need to know what! I'm off!

He is recovering, but there's been
some trauma to his brain.

The boy says he's been hearing
imaginary voices.

Hello?

Hello? Anybody?

Stan?

Hello?

Stan?

Good morning, Kyle.
How are we feeling?

Cartman, what's happened?

What's happened?
Well, let's see:

You bet me that I couldn't prove
leprechauns were real.

And if I could prove it,
you had to suck my balls, I believe.

No, I mean what happened
at the Pentagon?

You just rest, Kyle.

Look what I made for you.
A sundae.

It has hot fudge and whipped cream
and a cherry.

But I feel like something
is missing. Don't you, Kyle?

What else belongs on a sundae besides
hot fudge and whipped cream.

Hot fudge, whipped cream.
What else belongs on a sundae, Kyle?

What else goes on a sundae besides
hot fudge, whipped cream, and...

Oh, that's right!
My balls!

Cartman, what is going on out there?
What happened to Stan?

Oh, he got sucked
through that portal thing

and they're gonna
nuke it now.

So are you all set for
your big photo shoot, Kyle?

Wait, what do you mean?
Stan's in danger?

Don't try
to change the subject, Kyle.

You've done a really good job
of trying to get out of this bet,

but it's finally time
to settle.

Get ready for your sundae, Kyle.
With extra nuts.

Aslan, the evil characters
are almost here!

Get everyone to the battlefield!
Defend the castle walls!

Quickly, young boy.
We need your powers now!

- What powers? I don't understand.
- You are real. You are a Creator.

That means you can imagine things
into existence here.

I--I can?

Santa Claus was killed
in the terrorist attack.

The first thing we need is for you
to bring him back.

How?

You just have
to focus your mind.

Imagine Santa
and nothing else.

How am I supposed to focus
with all this crap going on?

Think only of one thing.
Imagine it. Believe in it.

Whatever is most prominent
in your mind will come to be.

Butters! You are grounded, mister!
You hear me?

Grounded!

No, no, no!

- What are you doing? We need Santa!
- I'm trying!

Come on, kid, imagine Santa!
Believe in Santa!

- You must believe in Santa!
- Believe in Santa! Right now!

Kevin, can I get some
more bounce off that too, okay?

Let's just go
with a 5 6 8 split.

Cartman, will you shut up?

I'm trying to find out
what's going on.

A new terrorist attack
seems to have taken place.

This time,
in our imagination.

Al Gore brought this video to
the public's attention,

sparking demands by everyone who
wants to know exactly what's going on.

We were hoping to keep this quiet
until it was all over,

but, two days ago, there was
a terrorist attack on our imagination,

and now our imaginations
are running wild.

Our imaginations are running wild
and we weren't told?

By attacking our imagination,

the terrorists have found
our most vulnerable spot.

And we've determined that
the best course of action

is to nuke our imagination.

Is nuking our imagination
really prudent?

Aren't there other more peaceful ways
to get our imagination under control?

Couldn't we trying sending
Kurt Russell into a portal

to our imagination to try
and reason with the--

We tried that! And Kurt Russell
was raped by Christmas Critters!

Ouch.

The Pentagon claims that because
imaginary things are not real,

the military doesn't need Senate
approval to nuke them.

That's bullcrap, man!
You can't nuke our imagination!

Don't nuke
our imagination, bro!

Mike, does the military have
the authority to nuke our imagination?

Clearly they don't, Steven,
and they're gonna have a big problem,

because state government
has already set

a precedent that imaginary
characters are real.

I cite a famous court case
of Cartman v. Broflovski,

in which a U.S. found for the plaintiff
who saw a leprechaun.

Yes, I believe the defendant had to suck
the plaintiff's balls in that case.

That's right, Steven,
yeah.

Oh for the love of God!

Hello?
Can anybody hear me?

Stan!
Dude, is that you?

Kyle? Where are you?
I don't see you.

No, I'm not there. I'm at a hospital.
I'm hearing you in my imagination.

Oh that makes sense.

Dude, what's happening?

I'm in like
a gumdrop forest.

I just saw Strawberry Shortcake tied up
and dead with pee in her eye.

Wait, hang on. I think something
really big is about to go down.

- The evil characters are here.
- Defend Castle Sunshine.

There's no time left! You have
to get control of your imagination,

and bring Santa back now!

Santa. Santa.

Think. Jolly old Santa.
Red suit, white beard.

Red suit, white beard.
Santa!

How does that look?

Can you see my balls
and the sundae in frame?

A shocking new development in
the nuking of imagination!

The Supreme Court has ruled
with the military

that imaginary things
are officially not real,

and therefore no approval
is needed to nuke them.

- Thank you.
- Oh no.

This of course overturns any
imagination-based verdicts in the past,

including the famous
Cartman v. Broflovski ballsucking case.

What?

So it appears the military is ready
to proceed with its operation,

one they are calling
"Operation Nuke the Imagination

"Through the Imagination Doorway."

Kyle?
What's happening?

The government is
gonna nuke Imaginationland.

What?! You can't
let them do that!

- What am I supposed to do?
- Dude, you have to stall them!

What is that? Hey!
Get out of here! Leave me alone!

Stan? Stan?

Where are you going?

I'm going to try to save Stan
and Butters from getting nuked!

Okay, okay, but you have
to suck my balls first real quick.

No, I don't!
The decision was overturned.

- We had a deal, Kyle!
- Yeah, that leprechauns were real!

And the government just declared they
aren't technically real, so I was right!

It's over! I don't have
to suck your balls!

It isn't over!

It isn't over, Kyle!

I have not waited this long to see
you weasel your way out of this bet!

Go ahead and go.
But I swear on my life!

Before this day is over!
You will suck my balls!

I swear it!

We need more spinach
for Popeye.

- I got one. I got him.
- Hey there.

We're losing the battle!
There are simply too many of them!

- Then the day is lost.
- Wait! Aslan, look!

- What? What happened?
- You did it, kid!

Quickly, Santa!
They need you on the battlefield!

Oh, all right.

Make way for Santa!

Now you see your potential,
young Creator.

But there is still much more we need
from you if we are to win this day!

This area is restricted,
little boy.

Please, I need to talk
to the people inside.

They can't set off
that nuke.

Get behind the line
with the other protesters.

No nukes
in our imagination, bro!

You don't understand!
My friend is in Imaginationland.

I can hear him
in my head!

You pot-smoking hippies aren't
getting through here, so back off!

- Stop that nuke!
- Stop that nuke!

Stop that nuke!

What's going on here?

The military
has to do this!

It's their only way
to kill man-bear-pig.

Good, Butters. Now imagine some
more archers on the castle walls!

Aslan!
We're losing the battle!

We managed to fight off the vampires
and werewolves, but...

Now our troops are being shot down
by the Cavity Creeps.

Cavity Creeps?

We make holes in teeth!
We make holes in teeth!

- What can destroy the Cavity Creeps?
- Only Crest Gel with Tartar Control.

Quickly! You must imagine
a giant Crest Gel!

Yes!

His powers are getting stronger.
We might just have a chance here.

Aslan, we've captured
a spy!

He was sneaking around
the Gumdrop Forest!

Stan!
Hey look, I imagined Stan here!

No, no! I got sucked through Project
Imagination Doorway at the Pentagon.

Project Imagination Doorway?

Nevermind! The battle is almost won!
We can deal with him later.

No, no, you don't understand.
There's a nuke.

The government is about to level
this entire place.

What?

Why would they nuke
Imaginationland?

So the terrorists can't ever
use it against us again.

We can get Imaginationland
under control.

The Chosen One
just needs more time!

- The Chosen One?
- Yeah, it turns out I'm the Key.

Missile launch sequence
initiated.

All right, people,
I want this nuking done by the books.

- Sir, we have a security breach!
- What?

There's an Unauthorized Entry Alert, sir.
It's coming from sector two!

Sector two?

What the hell do you think you're doing,
declaring leprechauns aren't real?

What?

You just can't declare that
imaginary things aren't real!

Who are you to say
what's real?

Think about it: Is blue real?
Is love really real?

Imaginary things are things made up
by people, like Santa and Rudolph.

Yeah and they detract
from real things, like Jesus.

Maybe Jesus
is imaginary too.

Oh, you'd better not say that!
You'll go to Hell!

It's possible that
Hell is also imaginary.

So then,
we're about to nuke Hell...

That's a good thing, right?

Hell yeah,
that's a good thing, yeah.

What if Heaven is imaginary?
We'd be nuking Heaven.

- Yeah, but it wouldn't be real.
- So it'd be all right.

Look, maybe they're all part
of the same thing.

Santa and Jesus
and Hell and leprechauns.

Maybe they're all real
in the same way, right?

Santa Claus and leprechauns
are imaginary,

but Jesus and Hell are real!

- Well then, what about Buddha?
- Well of course, he's imaginary!

Aw, see? Now you're being
intolerant, Tom.

Am I real?

All right, enough!

Keep that kid out of the way and
let's get back to the nuking at hand!

No! Leprechauns are real,
goddamnit!

Kyle?

Kyle, what happened?

Nothing.
- What?

Nothing happened!
There's nothing I can do!

Dude, you can't let the government
fire off that nuke!

They say they can do whatever they want
because imaginary things aren't real!

Well, you have to convince them
they are real!

No way, dude, then I'd have
to suck Cartman's balls.

Whatever it takes,
you have to do it, all right?

Hang on, Kyle,
Jesus wants to talk to you.

- Hello, Kyle? This is Jesus.
- Oh boy...

What seems to be
the problem, my child?

Jesus, I can't do anything.

I'm just a fourth grader going
against the entire government.

Hello? Jesus?

No. Hey, Kyle.
This is Luke Skywalker.

Look, I know this seems like
an impossible task,

but do you remember when
I brought down the Death Star?

I mean, that seemed
impossible too, right?

Yeah, I guess.

Okay. Now hold on,
because Superman is here

and he wants
to say something.

- Kyle, this is Superman.
- Hi, Superman.

I know that saving people can
be a big responsibility,

but no matter what it takes,
it's worth it.

I know.

You can do this, Kyle.

Now hang on, because Hercules
wants to talk to you.

Oh God.

Yes, God is here too.

He's gonna talk to you
right after Captain Crunch.

Popeye,
I need some help here!

Popeye is being killed by
Christmas Critters.

Get off of me!

Hey, what is that?

More spinach for Popeye!

Imagine an M60
for Jesus!

All right!

The boy is doing it!
Everything is going to be okay!

Missile launch
in one minute.

Goddammit, you stupid assholes
are going to ruin everything!

- Prepare for launch.
- Sir, we have a security breach!

- What?
- There's an Unauthorized Entry Alert.

- It's coming from sector two!
- Sector two?

Kyle?

- The hell are you doing back here?
- Listen, you don't have to do this!

Our imaginations
aren't running wild anymore.

Why is it so easy for children
to break into the Pentagon?

You have to stop!

If I'm not mistaken, you're the one
who bet that leprechauns weren't real.

- So why do you care what happens?
- Because I...

Because I think
they are real.

It's all real.
Think about it.

Haven't Luke Skywalker
and Santa Claus

affected your lives more than
most real people in this room?

I mean, whether
Jesus is real or not,

he's had a bigger impact on the world
than any of us have.

And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny
and Superman and Harry Potter.

They've changed my life,
changed the way I act on the Earth.

Doesn't that make them
kind of "real."

They might be imaginary,

but they're more important
than most of us here.

And they're all gonna be around
long after we're dead.

So in a way, those things are
more realer than any of us.

Abort the sequence.

So Kyle, imaginary things
are real, huh?

Guess that means I did
win the bet after all.

And you know
what that means, Kyle.

Just let it go with your
fucking balls already,

you fucking asshole!

Your friends have been
in danger

and all you care about
is this stupid bet!

Well I've decided, Cartman.
Even if we had a bet,

that I am never sucking your balls,
you got that?

They can throw me in jail
for the rest of my life,

but I am never going to suck
your balls, ever! So there!

What happened?
Why hasn't the missile gone off?

- There's been an abort, Mr. Gore.
- No! Man-bear-pig has to die!

Oh Jesus, no!

That's it, Aslan!
The evil characters have fled!

The day is ours!

- Kyle!
- Fellas! Where'd you come from?

What is that?

He did it!

Oh look, I'm back!

Nice going, kid.

The evil characters!
They're all back behind the wall again.

- Dude! How did you do that, Butters?
- Well, I just used my imagination.

You know, I really have learned
a lot, you guys.

What Kyle said about
imaginary things being real

and Butters using
his imagination?

It makes me think that...

Well maybe we all have the power
to make things a reality.

Oh why look, it's me.
And...

And there's Kyle.
And what's Kyle about to do?

Cartman, don't!

Oh Kyle! What are you doing
to my balls?

Oh, look!
It's Kyle sucking my balls!

- Dude.
- Oh my God.

Oh Kyle, you are gobbling those balls,
aren't you?

I told you you would suck my balls
before this was over, didn't I, Kyle?

I'm not sucking your balls.
That's imaginary!

No, Kyle, I believe you said
that imaginary things are real.

That's true. You did.

Oh, look at you go, Kyle!

Oh, you dirty girl!
You love those balls.

Okay, Kyle, that's enough ballsucking.
We need to get you boys home.

I am not sucking
Cartman's balls!

Whatever you imagine
to be real, is real.

Butters? Butters!

What?

Oh, it was all just
a dream.

- Come on, Butters, time to get up.
- Oh Dad! I had the craziest dream!

I saved all of Imaginationland from
running wild after a terrorist attack!

You were in Imaginationland, Butters!
We've read all about it in the paper!

The question is:

What were you doing
in Imaginationland

when you were supposed to be helping
your mother clean up the basement?

You are grounded, mister!

- Wait, I'm not grounded.
- Oh yes, you are!

Oh yeah?

That only works in Imaginationland.
You're grounded!

Ah shit.