Sorry for Your Loss (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - I Hate Chess - full transcript

- My husband died for nothing,

and I'm beginning to think
I didn't even know him.

- What do you want
to build, Jules?

Who do you want to be?

- I can't wait
for you to screw up

so you can call me.

- Why does he have this?
- It was your dad's.

- I don't believe exercise
can be fun.

- Okay, in my dance class,
we pose through the pain.

- I want to believe
this was an accident,

but I just don't know.



- I have spent four months
blaming the universe,

and maybe the one I really
should be angry with is Matt.

- I don't know
what you want me to say.

- I want you to tell me
if you think he jumped.

- Maybe!

Maybe.

- How'd you get it again?

Special ops mission
in Paraguay.

Top secret, I shouldn't even
be talking to you about it.

- I thought it was a battle
with a velociraptor

after your DeLorean broke down.
- Nope.

- How'd you get it again?

- We were dropping in
by parachute

to maintain
the element of surprise.



But unfortunately,
the only thing

I caught by surprise
was a jaguar.

- You ever gonna tell me
what really happened?

- Just some stupid accident
from when I was a kid.

- How'd you get it again?

- You know, you never really
talk about your childhood.

- Why are you awake?
- The tragedy of my life.

- Same.

Step Four.

I'm supposed to make
a moral inventory,

which is basically a catalog

of all the not-good things
I've done.

- Every lie, every mistake,
every insecurity.

And I'm supposed to be
rigorously honest

so that I understand myself

and the choices I've made.

It's not fun.

- No, that sounds
like literal hell.

- It is,

which is why I'm watching
"Real Housewives" instead.

- Is she throwing
a welcome-home party

for her new boobs?

- Yep, that's what
this show is.

It's like, these housewives
pull these crazy stunts

to distract themselves
from the fact

that they're barely functioning
alcoholics.

I really missed my calling.

What would your tagline be?

- I'm Jules.

I may stab you in the front,
but I'll always have your back.

- That's good.

Oh, what would mine be?

I'm Leigh.

If you want my advice,
you won't have to ask.

Exactly.

- You're killing it.

- So why are you really up?

- I'm not sure if Matt's death
was an accident.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I got this for you.

It's my peace offering.

It was really nice...

of you to come to my birthday,

and I shouldn't have
come at you like that.

- Ooh, oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.

- Sorry, that's gluten-free.
It was all they had.

- You suck at apologizing.

- Can I ask you something
about Matt?

- If it's the same question
you asked me

at your birthday,
absolutely not.

I'm not doing that... again.
- Yeah, no.

No one wants to...
do that again.

I just want to...

know what he was like as a kid.

- Why?

- Because I met him
after college,

and I know a lot
about the after,

not much about the before
because he...

never wanted to talk
about his childhood.

- You know, people who want
to talk about their childhoods

are weird, so...

- I just want to know
things about him

that I didn't get to know.

Like, he had
this scar on his back,

and he said he got it
when he was a kid,

so I was wondering...
- What are you...

What are you wondering?

- Matt said that his depression
was biopsychosocial,

psycho being his personality...

- Maybe psycho is just
your personality, Leigh.

- Psycho like psychology.
- Oh.

- Bio like biology, and...

the social
was how he was raised,

so I'm just
trying to understand

the family dynamic
so that I can...

- What do you want me
to tell you?

That my dad was too tired to go
to my third grade recital?

Yeah, you got me.

Our childhood was a nightmare.

House on a cul-de-sac.

Uh...
- Mm.

- Parents been married
for 30 years.

- Okay, whatever.
I'll just ask your mom.

- Don't... don't ask my mom
about that.

Don't ask her what
you asked me at the party.

Actually,
don't ask her anything.

Like, at all.
- She's still my mother-in-law.

- Is she?
- Mm-hmm.

- You're saying that
like you two

have an actual relationship.

You haven't even seen her
since the funeral.

I don't know what's going on,
but...

whatever meltdown
you're having this week,

leave my mother out of it.

- Leigh.

- Hey, Bobby.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Come, come in.

- Hey.

- The cheesy mash
should be done in a minute.

I made it
with instant potatoes.

No lumps, just like
your father made it.

- Mom, he made those, like,
one time.

- Oh, your brother called.
He'll be a few minutes late.

But we have the movie
in the player already

for when he gets here.
- Mom, can we just start?

I mean, he's seen it,
like, 5,000 times.

He won't care.

- I have to...
Be right back.

- Hey.

What's going on with you?

She just wants
to celebrate your dad.

- Yeah, and he's bringing
as much joy and happiness now

as he did when he
was still alive.

I hate this day.

Don't want to have
an anniversary party

for my dead dad.

I just want to...
shove my feelings down

and ignore them
like white people.

- Oh, well, tell me more
about white people.

Uh, white people like spreading
smallpox through blankets

and taking improv classes.

I know that this
is hard for you.

But I think
it means a lot to your mom.

- Hey, Mom?
You need some help?

- Just a minute ago.

I know, right?

Okay. Okay, sweetie.
See you then.

So that was Danny.
He said he's gonna swing by.

- Great.

- So I have Earl Grey

or mint tea

or chamomile if you want.

I can, uh...

- Um, I... I'll just have
whatever you're having.

- Okay.

- I'm sorry
I didn't come sooner.

- No, it's okay.
It's a long drive.

So how are you?
- How are you?

I really am sorry.
I-I...

could have at least called.

- Leigh, it's... it's okay.

This is hard.

And just as long
as it doesn't take another

four long months
for your next visit.

- No, it won't.
I promise.

It's really nice being here.

Do you have any more...

pictures of Matt
when he was a kid?

'Cause he never really
kept many at the apartment.

- Oh, honey.

How much time do you have?

Come, come, come.

- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Oh, was it your jacket
that we found at the party?

I can text Leigh and see
if she's still at the house.

- What?
No, uh...

I'm here for the dance party.

Uh, awesome.

Yeah, just go get a spot.
We're about to get started.

- Okay.

That's sweet.

Oh, my God, Danny.

Just could never smile right.
- Yeah.

- They all look like that
till he got to high school.

- And by then, he was too cool
to smile at all.

Ah, that makes sense.

- Oh, there's Matt
in chess club.

- Yeah, he loved to play.

James started teaching him
around, like, five or six.

Now, you'd think a kid that
little would be too squirrely.

But not Matt.

The two of them used to sit
at that chessboard for hours.

With the town house,
I've been trying to downsize,

and I thought
you might like to have it.

- Mom, I barely have time
to grade papers,

let alone play chess.

You should give this to Danny.

- Hell no.
You the chess champ.

- "You are."
Danny, grammar, please.

Look, Grandpa gave it to Daddy,

and Daddy wanted
to give it to you

so that someday,
you could play with your own

son or daughter.

- It's just gonna collect dust.
- Oh, that's okay.

You'll have it
when you need it.

- No, Mom.
We don't have the space.

- I'm sure you can
find some space...

- Mom, I don't want it.

- Okay, you know what?

I think, that, um,
everyone's tired.

And it's just getting
a bit late, so...

I think I'll just go get
some leftovers for everybody.

- Let's just take it.

We can find a place for it.

- I hate chess.

- I'm sorry I never
got to meet James.

- That man read everything
under the sun.

You two could have
talked books for hours.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, you would have loved
each other.

And he was easy on the eyes.
- Oh, yeah?

- Where do you think Matt
got his good looks from?

Let me show you.

He was so busy
with all his... papers

and conferences.

Let me see.

Yeah, he was such a...
good provider.

Oh, there he is.
- Hmm.

- Look at that fine man.

- Yeah.

- Um, what happened to...

to Matt's back?

- What was that?
I-I...

I think that Matt and Danny,

they were just messing around,
I think.

- Well, that's some serious
messing around.

- There's my baby.

Oh, I am so glad
you could swing by.

- I didn't know we were, uh,
having a, uh, family reunion.

- Oh, so nice.

And we were just talking
about your brother, right?

Can I get you something?

- Um, some water.
- Oh, of course.

You want anything?
- No, I'm fine.

Thank you.
- Okay.

- I told you to leave my mom
out of this.

- I can spend time with her.
She's my family too.

- Are you serious
right now with this?

- Here we go.

Good.

- Thanks, Mom.
You good?

- Oh, yeah, fine.

My family's here.

So let's sit.
Let's catch up.

- And turn to the left.

Right, left.

And eight counts of ponies.

- Okay, uh, it's okay
if you're not perfect.

It's okay if you mess up.

You are not...

your mistakes.

- Uh, we're gonna go back
to the...

- Ponies?
- Ponies, exactly.

- Hey.

Are you okay?

- Not really.

Richard told me
about your recovery.

I hope that's okay.

- Richard is
my mom's ex-husband,

my sister's dad,
and my nothing.

- You... we don't know each other
very well,

but what I know about you,
I really like.

And every sober day
is a miracle.

- Are you a friend of Bill's?

- Friend-adjacent.

- I, um, texted my sponsor,
but she can't talk until 5:00.

- Well, let me
take you home, then.

- I can't go home right now.

- My home.

- How old was he
when he made this?

- Oh, 11, 12, I guess.

He was always drawing.

I had to bribe him
with Pentel brush pens

to make him do his homework.

- It's good.
- Mm.

- It's intense.

Well, that was Matt.

- Was Matt ever depressed
as a kid?

- Your generation is always
trying to put labels on things.

Depression, ADHD,
gluten allergies.

Nothing but excuses.

- Yeah, I only ask because, um,

you know Matt was on
antidepressants since college.

- Leigh, you don't need
to bother

my mother with that stuff.

- I just want to know
what Matt was like

before I knew him and... and...

like, if something
happened to him

when he was growing up that...
- What are you talking about?

- Matt never talked
about his childhood

or his dad or his scar.

- That's what you've been
getting at this whole time?

Are you kidding me?

That's your... that's your
one explanation

for why a black man has a scar
he never wants to talk about?

You gonna ask me
if my dad was an addict too?

- No, no, no, that's not...

that is not
what I meant at all.

I'm...

No, I...
Oh, God.

I am... just working

with the information
that I have

to try and understand,

and... and if I'm wrong,
I apologize.

- Yeah, well... well, you are.

My husband was a...
a good father

and never laid a hand
on my boys.

And Matt's scar,
it was his fault.

He was roughhousing
with... with Danny,

and he hurt himself.

- So... so why wouldn't he
just tell me that?

- I-I guess because
he felt bad.

We... we had to, uh, take him
to get stitches,

and we had to leave, uh,
Danny's game.

I think it was the Little
League playoffs or something.

- It was tryouts.

- Yeah, well,
something like that.

I can never
get the details right.

- It was tryouts,
and it wasn't Matt's fault.

It was Dad's because
he wouldn't get out of bed.

- Oh, Danny,
please don't be so dramatic.

- We were late,
and I was gonna have to wait

a whole nother year
if we didn't get there.

Matt begged him, even tried
to drag him out of bed.

Dad didn't move.
Matt got pissed,

started whaling on him
until Dad pushed him

into the closet door
and broke the mirror.

- Your brother
never should have come

at your father like that!

- He never got out of bed!
He was always in bed.

He would go to work,

give everything
to a bunch of strangers,

and there was never
anything left for us.

- So you're saying that
your father was a bad parent

because he went to work
every day?

- No, I'm saying
that he was depressed!

He was depressed,
and so was Matt.

And maybe if you would have
just actually acknowledged

and have dealt with that fact,
Matt might still be here!

- That's what you think?

Okay.

- At least you got
your answers, right?

- My mom was in and out
of AA my whole life.

It just... never seemed
to stick for her.

Al-Anon did for me.

So I'm here to listen
if you want to talk.

Yeah, thanks.

The night before Matt died,
he called me.

I was drunk and had driven
over tire spikes the wrong way,

so Leigh was coming
to get me, and...

I didn't want a lecture.

So I didn't answer.

What if he needed me?

What if he
was calling because...

I don't know, because he wanted
to tell me something?

- Or maybe he was just calling
to give you a lecture.

Or maybe he was calling
to let you know

that Leigh was close by.

- I still
should have picked up.

I'm never getting
that chance back, and...

this stupid inventory thing,
I mean, I...

When I tell Leigh,
she's gonna freak out.

- Why would you tell Leigh?

Jules, I know you feel bad
about this,

but you're gonna have
to feel bad

without bringing her into it.

She's got enough going on
without...

having to make you feel better.

Sometimes
the more generous act is...

to just keep things
to yourself.

- Hi.
- Come in.

Do you really think...
that Matt...

- No.

No.

And Danny doesn't
really think that.

He was just lashing out.

I just came because...

I wanted to feel close to him.

- You know why
I thought you came?

- No.

- Well, I haven't seen you
since... Matt died,

and it's only
about four months ago,

and... and... you wanted
to see his baby pictures,

and I thought...

I really thought you were gonna
tell me you were pregnant.

Uh, no, I'm...

I'm not, sorry.
- I know.

I just desperately wanted a...
a piece of him in this world.

When you have a child,

you never think...

you never think...

I-I did the best I could.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Matt was my...
favorite person.

- You made him.

You raised him.

And he was amazing.

- He was.

- Yeah.

Why didn't you just
take the whole set?

- I just wanted the one piece.

- Hi, I'm...

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry that I have
to keep saying I'm sorry.

- Don't be.

I just wish that, um...

that Matt...

was comfortable
sharing with me,

like, everything
that I heard today.

- I mean, it's not... not like
he didn't trust you.

That scar was...

everything he hated
about our childhood.

He didn't... he didn't
want to deal with it.

- And I think I-I, um...

I went to
your mom's house, like,

looking for someone to blame,
because if it was her fault

or your father's fault
or your whole family's fault,

um, then it...

then it didn't have to be
my fault that he was unhappy.

- Wasn't your fault, Leigh.

- I just really wanted
to make him happy,

and I don't know if I did.

- Come here.
Let me show you something.

Can I show you something?

Oh, my God!
Oh!

Oh, my God.
What are you doing?

- Oh, my God.
You are the worst.

This is
the saddest... ever.

The saddest... ever, look.

Flip cup... come here, bro.

Flip cup with orange soda,
listening to Jack Johnson.

That's how you spent your
last night of freedom, bro.

- Oh, yeah?

- Remember that
20 years from now.

20 years from now.

You're sitting on the couch
watching this

with your boring wife
and your light-ass kids.

Look at her.

Ew, gross.

Hey, man, it's not too late
to change your mind.

You know it's not.
- Yeah, well, never.

- What?
- Ah!

- You gonna tell me
that guy isn't happy?

- Thank you.

- I have some more of Matt
playing charades later.

You want to watch it?
- Yeah, immediately.

- Let's go, bring it home
for the home team.

- No, this is impossible.
I won't...

- No, no, no, no, no.

If you pulled it,
you have to play.

There's no passing.
- Yeah, I'm starting

the timer right now.
- Here we go.

- It's already started.
- Come on, man.

- Come on, dude.
- Okay, um...

- Let's get it. Let's get it.
This is game time.

- Um...

- Two, two words.
Two words, two words. Okay.

- Four, four...
four words.

Four syllables.
Ten seconds!

Oh, man.

Oh, it's amazing.

I know I should pull it
together for my best friend,

but if I stay,
I'm gonna lose it,

and I don't want to make this
about me.

- Oh, my God.
Leigh?

Ginny Maxwell.

I did the flowers
for your wedding.

Is Matt here too?

- This wedding is making me
feel really, really single.

- Me too.

When I was drinking, I had
no problem meeting people.

- She's been sober
for almost five months.

- Her compass is broken.

She gets too close to people
too fast.

- That dude is definitely
swiping right on you right now.

- Um, I guess I should go see
if it's a match.

Don't wait up.