Sorry for Your Loss (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - One Fun Thing - full transcript

Leigh Shaw is a young widow who is forced to reassess her life and relationships following the death of her husband.

Subscene @Ali_EmJay

- I had written myself notes.
I only have five minutes.

I didn't want to spend
the entire time rambling.

It's okay if you ramble.

- No, it's not. [clears throat]
- Yes, it is.

- No, it's not. I don't--

It's right here, so....


[inhales deeply]

I was online yesterday

and, um, a bunch of people
had posted links

to this infographic, and--

Sorry, does everyone know
what that--

It's a--it's a cartoon
that illustrates statistics.

So, um...

this infographic
was about marriages,

and, um, it said
that if your spouse dies,

it--it feels like losing
$308,780 a year,

which sounded crazy
to me at first.

Like, how do you...

how do you put
a dollar amount on death?

Like, how is that even
a thing with a price tag?


But then I...

I started to think

about what it would feel like
to lose...

$308,780 a year.

And it would feel like--

like a problem
you could never fix.

It's an impossible amount
of money to lose.


I don't know
if it's that exact number.

The 780 at the end feels
a bit weird.


But I...

would say that my...

husband being dead...

Feels like the same kind
of impossible thing.

That's what I got.

all: Thanks for sharing.
- Okay, you're welcome.

- You still have a few minutes.

- I don't really want them.

[alarm rings]

[door opens]

[alarm rings]

- [groaning] No.
- Up. Yes, come on.

You teach at 7:00. No. No. No.
No "Moms." Come on.

- Hey, stop.
I'm not wearing pants.

- Your body literally came
out of my vagina.

Do not talk to me about pants.
Come on.

- [sighs]
I don't want to be awake.

- I know, sweetie,
but no one wants to be awake.

That's how mornings work.

Here, there's those pants
you were so worried about.

- Yeah.
Get up. Get up.

Get up. Get up. Get up.

Get up. Get up. Get up.
Get up.

Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up.

- [groaning]


I'm going back to sleep.
- Mm-mm.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-mm.

You need to take a shower.

You do not smell good enough
to be around my family.

- I smell okay.

- I promise
you don't smell okay.

- I didn't know
I was coming with.

- Do you not want to come?

- I-it's just been a long week.

I thought I'd take
the morning to sleep.

- Matt, please.
I need you.

You always make things better
with my family.

I don't, but you do.

- You know that's not true
about you.

- Please, get up.

- Oh, my God.


- Thank you.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

I'll love you more after
you've brushed your teeth.

- Yeah, how about we try
all that again?

- I just love you
and nothing else.

- Yeah, there it is.

- Leigh.


You have the 7:00
and 8:15 classes...9:30.

I'm at noon.

Uh, Jules,
you have the evening slots.

You have group at 8:30.

And I have a date
with a guy who seems nice,

but, you know, kind of
boring on eHarmony.

So let's hope he's nice

and kind of interesting
in real life.

- Hello.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Ooh.
- Good morning.

- Hi.
- Can't believe you're here.

Okay, you guys I got to show
you something funny.

Come on. Look at what Mom made.
- What? Oh.

- Yes.

- Wow.
- What?


- What? What's so funny?

Hey, that's not cool.
I don't make fun of your stuff.

- Mom, if you don't want people
to laugh at your vision boards,

don't put so much
healing crystals.

- They are not vision boards.
They are soul collages.

- Oh, right. Of course.

- Well, I think
this is really cool art.

What's the story?
- Thank you.

You collage a card
for each aspect of your soul,

and then you use the cards
to answer your life questions.

So it's sort of like
a personalized tarot deck.

- Oh, my God,
you've got to stop

being a parody of yourself.

- You don't subscribe
to my belief system.

That's just fine, but you give
some respect where it's due.

Everything I have accomplished
in my life

is a result of believing that
I could create my own reality,

and that includes raising
both of you by myself

and running
my own business,

which also apparently
employs you both.

So don't make fun of my magic.
You should be respectful of it.

- I mean, I hear that.
- Thank you. Thank you.

He is my favorite.

- Are you serious?
- You're my favorite.

See? He's nice.
Why are they so horrible to me?

Okay, so that's Thursday.
Let's do this.


- Wait, say that all again?
- Come on.

- I'm sorry.

I'm just, like, stupid excited

to get my three-month chip

- Hmm.

You are a beast.

You're kicking
this thing in the teeth,

and we could not
be more proud of you.

Could we, Leigh?

- Yeah. Everything she said.

- Just, like,
these last few months,

everything has been
so emotional and stressful,

and I could have fallen off
the wagon so many times, but...

I didn't.

I handled it.

- Yep, it really, uh,
screwed me up, too,

when my husband died.

- That's not what I was saying.

- That's exactly
what you were saying--

that my husband being dead
is making it harder

for you to stay sober.

- I wasn't saying it like that.
- You still said it.

- Hey, you. That's enough.
- What?

Take a breath.
- I'm breathing.

- Now do it
with some intention.

Come on [inhales deeply]
- Whatever.

I'm gonna go to the studio.

How do you expect anyone
to be in a good mood

before the sun's up?

Just think about that.

[upbeat electronic music

- Up and press. Heels up like
you're wearing stilettos.

Come on, I know you girls have
higher hells than that.

And up, and press.

Now you're gonna
lower yourself

three inches and hold.

Three inches.

You guys have zero inches.
Three inches.

Come on. Here, you got this.

Come on, match me.
Match me. You got this.

Right now. One inch up.
One inch down.

We're gonna pulse
for ten seconds to tempo.

- Mm-mm.
- Yep.

You can do anything
for ten seconds. Mm-hmm.

And pulse.
Two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

And release.
Good job. Good job.

Now we're gonna go
to butt school, ladies,

and work those seats.

- I'll see you girls later.
- Bye. See you later.

- Mmm.

I love you.

- Okay.
- [laughs]

- Oh, hey, real quick--
I have to ask you something.

- Are you saying you love me
because you have

to ask me something?

- No, I love you, and
I have to ask you something.

- What?

- You've been wearing
a lot of my workout stuff.

- Mm-hmm.
- But you have your own stuff.

- Yeah,
but it's at my apartment.

- When's the last time
you went to your apartment?

- A little before the funeral.

- It's, like, three months?

All your stuff is still there,

and you're still paying
rent and utilities.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

- So maybe you could go
by your apartment

and get your stuff.

- Sure. Yeah, sure.

- Okay, great.

Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- [sighs, groans]

I love you.
- I love you, too.

- Mmm.

[melancholy music]

[birds chirping]

[mail slot clangs]
- [sighs]

[music continues]

Can you be
my sounding board?

It's for my column.

A high-school girl
just got her heart broken

for the first time,

feels like she is dying.

What does she do?

Keeping doing your homework,

you'll be in love with someone
new by Winter Formal.

- You're gonna say that.
- [laughs]

No, I'm not gonna say that,

but I just--
I feel like she's 15

and her heart is broken,
and she's going to use it

as an excuse
to be an asshole to her mom.

And I want to tell her
not to do that.

- Yeah, just say all that
in a not-patronizing way.

- I'm going to.

- Yeah?
- Um...

"You've lost
someone important to you,

"but there are people

"who still depend on you.

"So help your friend

"with her mock-trial audition

"and your brother
with his Latin homework

"and tell your mom

"you love her.

"Even though
you know she knows...

she still needs to hear it."

- I really like that.

- Thank you for being
my sounding board.

- Yeah, always.

- You want to get ramen
for dinner?

- Oh, I can't.

I told my brother I would hang
out with him tonight.

- You're always hanging out
with your brother.

- No, I'm always hanging out
with you.

I live with you.


Well, he just got dumped.
It's been hard on him.

You can hang with us
if you want.

- I don't really like hanging
out with regular Danny,

and I definitely don't want
to hang out with dumped Danny.

- Okay, well, I just thought
I'd offer, just in case.

All right, I'm gonna, um...

head out in a few, all right?

Bye, bye, bye.

[melancholy music]

- Oh, sorry.
- It's okay.

- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

[soul music playing]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You look pretty.

- I slept four hours.
I look like a cadaver.

- Super-hot cadaver.

- It's 'cause I teach
three barre classes a day

and I only get to eat
one fun thing a week.

- What's your fun thing?

- Doughnuts at grief group.

- Jesus.
- I know.

- Well, as long as we're not
having fun...

- Mm-hmm.

- There's something
I need to talk to you about.

- What?

- Taylor wants to get
the advice column going again.

- I just don't feel
like the same person

who wrote that anymore.

- I get it,

but I'd love for you
to still write it

as whoever you are now.

- You're a good editor.

And you're
a really good friend.

- And that is a yes?

- That's an
"I'll think about it."

- Okay.
Thinking cadaver.

- Yo, you just, uh, checked
yourself out, didn't you?

- [snickers]

Yeah. I did.
- [laughing]

Did you get to go
by your apartment?

- You know what?
I didn't end up having time.

- You got to go over there.
I'm out of clothes.

I'm gonna have to teach naked.

- Right. Well, I don't know
what to tell you, Jules.

You're asking me to do
something that I can't do.

- I don't want this
to be a thing.

- I'm just trying to help.
- Yeah, but you're not helping.

I know what helping looks like

'cause that's what I did
for you for, like, a decade.

- Are you gonna list
every mistake I ever made.

Should I get comfortable?

- Sure, 'cause apparently
you don't remember

the hundreds of times
that I had to help you out

'cause you were too wasted
to help yourself.

- But I do remember
that look that you always have

on your face when you get
to feel superior to me.

You never do
anything nice for me

without making me pay
for it later.

- Okay, well, you never do
anything nice for me at all.

I have an idea.

How about you go to
my apartment to get my stuff,

since you're the one
who wants it so badly?

These are my keys.

I got to go to grief group
'cause my husband died.

- How are you getting there?

- [mumbling]

Smile about it.

[indistinct chatter]

"Everyone keeps telling me
that I'll get over him.

"Everyone keeps telling me it's
not the end of the world,

"but if that's true,
then why does it feel

like the end of the world?"


Are you here for group?

- Yeah, I was, uh,
just gonna try it out,

see if it was any good
or if it was stupid.

- It's not stupid.
- You been going?

- Mm, yeah, this is my sixth,
seventh week,

something like that.

- I just Googled
"grief group near me,"

and this is what came up.

- Yeah, that's what I did.

I think
that's what everyone does.

- You know what?

Uh, you been going.
This is your thing.

I don't want to show up
and screw with your thing,

so I could--
- I don't own grief group.

- More than me.
- Okay, well, just come,

because I'm gonna feel bad
if you don't.

- No, you won't.

You'd be happy,
'cause you hate me, so...

- I don't hate anyone.

- That's what people say
when they hate you.

- I don't hate you.

Are you coming?

- Hi.

- What is this?

- Oh, we're switching up

- Why?
- I got a couple emails.

People are trying
to cut out sugar.

- So there's just, like,
no doughnuts?

- Hey, we have a few minutes
before we start.

Do you want to go outside
and talk?

- Nope, I don't want
to talk to you.

I don't even want to be here
most of the time.

I just--I come here
because usually

it doesn't make me feel better,
but sometimes it does.


you know what?

Nothing makes me
feel better enough!


All I wanted was a doughnut.

That's, um...

what was going
to make me feel better.

Can you stop following me?

Just go back.
Do group. It's good.

- Why don't you go back?

- I just literally
had a psychotic break

over carrot sticks.

- I've seen worse.
- That's not helpful.

- I'm not trying to be helpful.
You want to get a doughnut?

- No, that's okay.

- You were just crying
five seconds ago

because you couldn't have one.

- I wasn't crying.
- Okay, come on.

I know a doughnut shop
near here.

- Yeah, I know the same one.

I drive by it all the time,
and I think about going in,

and I never do.

- Okay.
So come on.

- I will buy you a doughnut,
and if you're not being

too much of a bitch,
I'll buy you two.

- That's an ugly word
with an ugly history.

- Now I'm only buying you one.


- I hate when people use
the word "condolences."

- I hate it when people tell me
that I'm in their prayers.

- [laughs]

I hate how in the beginning,

everyone wants to send you
flowers and donate

to, like, a foundation
for your dead person.

And then they stop calling
and writing

and doing nice things for you
because they're over it,

and they expect you
to be over it.

- I hate it when people ask me
if I was close to my brother...

like they're trying
to decide how sorry

they have to feel for me.
- Mm.

- And they want me to say,
"Not close,"

as if that would make it
better or whatever.

- I hate running into someone
I haven't seen in a long time,

and I know they know he's dead.

But we have
an entire conversation,

and they never bring him up.

They never say they're sorry.

They don't ask how I'm doing.

They just pretend
like everything's fine.

I hate that.

God, that's so good.

- Do you want
another doughnut?

- No.
- Come on.

You want another one.

- Yes, I do.
- Yes, you do.

- I would love one.

[rain pattering loudly]

[melancholy music]


Oh, God.





[music continues]

[line trilling]

- Hey, you reached Matt.
Sorry I missed your call.

Leave a message,
and I'll get back to you.

[line trilling]
- [sighs]

- Hey, you reached Matt.
Sorry I missed your call.

Leave a message,
and I'll get back to you.

[suspenseful music]

- Yes.
- Is Matt here?

- Wha--

What time is it?
- Is Matt here?

- No, he went home.
- No, he didn't.

- Well, that's what he said.

We walked back here
from the bar,

and I told him to crash,

but he said he had
to get back to you.

- Was he okay to drive?

- Y-yeah.

- Well, he's not picking up
his phone.

You don't know where he is.
I don't know where he is.

So what am I supposed
to do, Danny?

- Don't yell at me.
I didn't do anything.

[music continues]


[music continues]

- [whimpering]

- Hey, hey. Hey.

- [crying]
What are you doing?

- I was just waiting
till I was okay to drive.

- I thought you were dead.
- No.

- [sobbing]
- No.

- You can never die.

- No, I won't.
- I'm serious.

I'm serious--
like, ever.


- I think I have to someday.

- Just do it after me.

- Okay.

Okay. Okay.
Hey. Hey. Hey.

I'm here.

- Okay, then.

- So you, uh,
want to hang out sometime?

- Why?

- Never mind.

- No, that's not what--
I actually mean why.

- No, it's okay. Forget it.
You know...

I'm having a shitty enough time
without having to go

through this whole thing
with you, Leigh.

- I'm having
a shitty time, too.

- I'm having an objectively
shittier time than you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- How is that?

- Because you can get
another husband.

I can't just get
another brother.

- [laughing]

Oh, wow.

I cannot believe
you just said that.

- It's true.

'Cause you're young.
You'll find someone new.

You'll be fine.
I'm the one who's screwed here.

- Okay, this is why I never
wanted to hang out with you.

Right, and this is why

I still don't want to hang out
with you.

So, Danny, thank you.

- [sighs]
[car door closes]

[door opens, creaks]

[door closes, lock clicks]

- Did you get my stuff?

- I want to talk to you.
- [laughs]

Cool, that's a no.

- No, I really need you
to listen to me.

I went to your apartment,

and I stood outside the door,

but I didn't go in

because I kept thinking
about this thing

that people say when
they're in the program...

"suit up and show up."

Even if you don't feel like
going to a meeting,

you have to get dressed up
and go.

How you feel about it
doesn't matter.

What matters is that you do it.

I can go with you.

I will.

I will sit with you
for however long it takes

for you to feel like
you can go in,

but I can't go for you.

You have to show up
for yourself.

[dramatic music]

- [grunts]


[music continues]

"Everyone keeps telling me
that I'll get over him.

"Everyone keeps telling me
it's not the end of the world,

"but if that's true,

then why does it feel
like the end of the world?"

"The reason everyone keeps
telling you

"it's not the end of the world

"is because it's not

"the end of their world.

"They don't have to figure out"

"how to live

"inside a world that's over.

You do."

[music continues]

- You're up.

- Yep.

[hopeful music]

[car alarm beeps]

[music continues]

- Why don't we make this

as straightforward as
this impossible thing can be?

Divide everything
into three piles--

keep, toss, and give away.

How does that sound?

- This is the nicest gift

I've ever gotten.

- I think there was a lot
about him I didn't know.

- Nobody really knows anything
about anyone.

- I don't want to fight.
- But...

- You're belongings have

and they should be treated with
the respect that they're owed.

- Well, why don't you spend

a week in this place
respecting the objects?

Because if I do that, I'm gonna
throw myself out a window.