Sonny with a Chance (2009–2011): Season 1, Episode 1 - Sketchy Beginnings - full transcript

Now let's get back to So Random!.

Okay, here's the plan.

When that girl gets out of class,
you are gonna ask her to the dance.

- Are you nervous?
- No.

Who the mammal?

l thought you said
you weren't nervous, man.

Well, of course l am.
l mean, look at her.

A girl like that
would never go for a guy like me.

l'm half dolphin.

And she's all woman.

Come on, man. At least give it a shot.
l know you can do this.



No. You're right, l can.

But l better empty myself first.

You done? l mean...

Almost.

- Now l'm done.
- All right.

Now l'm done.

Just in time, because here she comes.

Randy. Dolphin Boy.

Kaitlyn, l was wondering if you'd like
to go with me to the dance.

Dolphin Boy,
of course, l'll go to the dance with you.

Who doesn't love dolphins?

- Yes.
- You got a date.

Who the mammal?

See you Saturday, Dolphin Boy.



Until then, my lady.

When he get's nervou's

Better bring your mop

Who the mammal?

And dont forget, next week,

your favourite 'sketch-comedy 'show,
So Random!,

welcome's a brand-new ca'st member,
Sonny Munroe,

That's me.

l guess dreams really do come true.

l can't believe l'm really here.

Mom?

This is so exciting.

- All right. Come here. Hold still.
- Okay.

Mom, stop it, stop it. Cut it out.

We don't need more sun block.
l'm inside.

All right, l'm sorry.

lt's not every day that l hand my beautiful
daughter over to show business.

Look, Mom, we talked about this.

Show business
is not going to change me.

You've got a big head.

l d-- l do not.

l'm the same girl that l was
back home in Wisconsin.

With a much bigger head.

My head is the exact same size as...

l do have a big head.

Cool.

There she is. There's my new star.

- Mr. Pike.
- Please, it's Marshall.

Connie, we are so thrilled
to have Sonny join our family.

Oh, and l promise you,
she's in very good hands here.

Good, because you know what we do
to people in Wisconsin

who make promises they can't keep.

You make them into cheese?

l can see where Sonny
gets her sense of humour.

Actually, l get it from my dad.
She's not kidding.

But she is hovering.

All right. All right, l can take a hint.
Someone wants their mom to leave.

Okay. Come here, before l go.

Now, l know l have said this
a million times--

- Don't talk to strangers.
- No.

But yes.

- Don't swim after eating.
- No. But yes.

Don't skateboard
with a sucker in your mouth.

l am trying to tell you
how proud l am of you.

l just couldn't be prouder.

You put a little more sun block on me,
didn't you?

No. But yes.

Bye.

Well, here we are, kiddo.
This is the prop house.

Oh, my gosh. This is so cool.

l've read about this place.

Wow, this is where the cast hangs out.

This is the gnome
from the gnome sketch.

And that's the sarcophagus
from the Mummy Dearest sketch.

And that's a pink hat
that l've never really seen before.

Yep. One day there'll be props in here
from sketches you were in.

Maybe one of your hats.

Anyway, just know, as executive producer,
l'm always here for you.

Mar'shall, your mother i's on line four,

Take a message.

- And five,
- l gotta go.

Don't you knock?

Sorry. l didn't realise anyone was here.

But you're Zora,
and l'm Sonny. l'm new.

Obviously.
Otherwise, you would have knocked.

Now, if you don't mind...

Oh, come on.

You and your shortcuts, man.

How come you get to be
the chicken, anyway?

Because l have more of a chicken body
and you have more of an egg body.

Well, it's not fair.

l always have to play the thing
that comes out of you.

No. No. l come out of you sometimes.

Oh, please.

You played the mother,
l played the baby.

You played the stomach,
l played the barf.

l thought you liked being the barf, bro.

You know, l love being the barf.

lt's the funniest thing
that comes out of you.

- But, you know...
- Hey, guys.

Hello there.

Nico.

But you knew that.

Grady.

But you knew that.

And l'm Sonny.

But l knew that.

Wait.

You're that funny girl from the lnternet.

And you're the barf.
And you're the stomach.

- Yeah.
- That was an amazing sketch.

Oh, my gosh.

l loved your:

And your-- Your:

Oh, good times, good times.

Easy for you to say.

You weren't playing the toilet.

Hey, everyone. Did you see?
l'm on the cover of Tween Weekly, Again.

Yeah, yeah. We're all on the cover.

Really? Because all l see is me.

Hi, Tawni.

l just wanted to say
l'm such a huge fan.

And honestly, you've been a role model
to me and my friends back in Wisconsin.

You know, we kind of feel
like you're one of us.

Hi. l'm Sonny.

Why am l being touched?

Sorry. l'm a hugger.

Small world. So am l.

- Good. l see you've met everyone.
- Yes, and l just wanted to say

it is such an honour being here,
working with you guys.

Marshall, what does she mean,
''working with us''?

Well, she's our newest cast member,
Tawn.

You remember, we said goodbye
to Mandy on our last show?

l remember the goodbye,

l just didn't think
there was gonna be a hello.

What are you talking about?

He showed us her website.

Yeah, and we all got her photo.
Remember?

Don't need another girl.
l'm the funny girl. And the pretty one.

Nope. Nope. Don't remember.

But welcome aboard.

That's the attitude, Tawn.

You two are gonna be fast friends.

Hey, as a matter of fact,
you can give Sonny the tour.

l would love that.

Let's go, Someone-y.

lt's Sonny.

My first day in Hollywood,
and l've already got a nickname.

l've been in Hollywood 40 years.

Never had a nickname.

Okay, the tour is starting. Keep up.

This is where l get my snacks.

This is where l learn.

And this is a camera, which loves me.

And finally,
this is where l do my costume changes,

my makeup, my pre-show chillaxing.

Cool.

So where do l do
my pre-show chillaxing?

l'm sorry. This concludes our tour.

Wow, you're a fast changer.

And you're a slow leaver.

You think l'm a slow leaver,

you should have seen my mom
this morning.

l couldn't get her to leave.

You wouldn't happen to know
where my dressing room is, do you?

l don't wanna interrupt
your workout or anything,

but you got quite a wingspan there.

You know, if l didn't know any better,

l'd think you were trying
to kick me in the face.

Zora smells trouble.

- What's up there?
- Right now, best seat in the house.

As you were.

You know, for some reason, she prefers
to live up there like a common bat

rather than down here with me.

Yeah, that's a real brain teaser.

Just wanted to see
how you were settling in.

Why is there gym equipment
on Sonny's side of the room?

This is my side of the room?

This is her side of the room?

Don't you remember?
l was very clear when Mandy left,

that Sonny would get
this side of the room.

Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

All right. We'll get all this equipment
back to the studio gym,

and let's give Sonny some space.

l can feel the chemistry already.

No, no, no. lt's okay.
l can make this work.

l'm a make-do kind of person.

So watch me make do.

l'll just-- l'll put my jacket right here.

And l'll just chillax right here.

- My make do isn't really working, is it?
- No.

You wanna talk about it?

Sure.

Grab a seat and scooch on over.

Comfortable, roomie?

Less so by the minute.

Let's think of this studio as a school.

l'm the head cheerleader
and you're the new kid.

And you're all gung-ho
and wanting to join the squad.

You've got all these great ideas
and you're full of enthusiasm.

- Yeah, that's right. l am.
- Well, knock it off.

You're not wanted on the squad.

But l'm already on the squad.

Yes.

Yes. But we don't need you
on the squad.

Do we, Puddy Two Shoes?

Puddy Two Shoes?

We certainly don't wanna hear
your cheers.

Not your sis, or your boom, or your bah.

But what if l have
a really awesome bah?

l don't care if it's
the greatest bah since--

Since Sheep lndependence Day.

So stay on your side,
don't touch my stuff

and keep out of my spotlight.

Okay, then. Let's go rehearse.

lf you could talk, would you scream?

You happy now?
Exact same costumes.

Nobody's coming out
of anybody's anything.

- Your wings are bigger.
- Your antennas are longer.

The good thing is
you both have the same size brains.

Okay, people, let's start rehearsing
Tawni's queen bee sketch.

Hey, heard you got the whole
sis-boom-bah speech.

People are talking about that already?

Oh, no, no. l was eavesdropping.

lt's kind of my thing right now.

That and revenge. Wanna get some?

No. l'm good, but thanks.

This is Tawni's sketch.

She's the queen bee.
l'm just a worker bee.

So l'm just gonna lay low,
stay out of the way,

and mind my own buzz-ness.

All right. Places, everybody.

The good knights approach.

- Hello, good knights.
- Good night?

- But it's 2 in the afternoon.
- No, no.

Not good night. Good knight.

- Silence.
- Which is exactly what we're gonna hear

if the audience watches this sketch.

Stop. Cut.

- This isn't working.
- l agree.

What is everybody else doing wrong?

Kids, this sketch stinks on ice.

What are we gonna do?

Maybe the problem is
there's one too many bees.

No, that's not it. We gotta think bigger.

Bolder.

Some other B word.

Boogers.

Not boogers. lt has to be bee related.

Hand down.

l got it. What we need
is a pool filled with honey. Just...

Whenever you say you got it,
you never got it.

How about you, new girl?
You got something?

Well, l might got something.

- Go on.
- Yes, please.

Sprinkle us
with your Wisconsin funny dust.

Well, what if Tawni was, like a--
Like a clumsy bee?

You know, like a bumbling bee.

And then we could get distracted
by things that,

l don't know,
bees get distracted by, like flowers.

Because you know we love the flowers.

That's terrible.

Terribly good. What else you got?

Well, what else do bees love?

- They love to sting things.
- Yeah.

Yes. Okay, well, what if a really old lady
walks in with a really huge butt?

That's great. Because old-lady butts
make great targets.

Okay. So she walks over.

And then she sees a penny.
Oh, look, l found a penny.

The all-you-can-sting butt-fey
is open.

That's beautiful. l love it.

Queen bee's out,
bumbling bee's in. Lunch.

You wanna buzz over
and get some lunch?

Honey, look at this.

Oranges. Avocados.

Tube socks.

All purchased from a guy
standing on a freeway off-ramp.

l didn't even have to get out of the car.
What a town.

Well, at least one of us had a good day.

Oh, come on. Was it that bad?

Let me put it this way.

You slapping sunscreen on my face
was the highlight.

Marshall's making me do this bee sketch
with Tawni, and she hates me.

Do you want me to write a note?

Mom.

Look. Come here.

Honey, when chasing your dreams,

there's always gonna be
bumps on the road.

Like that deer we hit in Colorado.

What l'm trying to say
is that we did not travel

all the way from Wisconsin
for you to give up on your very first day.

Well, l didn't say l was giving up.

Okay. That's the spirit.

Now, just like that deer,
you get up and dust off your antlers

and angrily kick in our headlights.

You want me to kick her
in her headlights?

No. Look, l'll tell you what you do.

Go down there tomorrow,
and you talk to Tawni.

Get away from me.

Look, l'm trying to apologise.

l feel really bad about getting off
on the wrong foot,

and l was thinking maybe
we could start fresh.

Are you shredding fan mail?

Not mine.

Done with Grady.
Where's the Nico pile?

What's this?

Oh, well, l got you a little something
to say l'm sorry.

Go ahead.

Oh, look, it's a fuzzy little friend
for Puddy Two Shoes.

lt's a peace offering.

A peace offering?

Well, now it's a million piece offerings.

Look, you don't have to forgive me,

but we still have to do
that bee sketch together.

Not gonna happen.

l want to be as good as you
in my first show,

as you are in every show.

l mean, you have so much to teach me
and l have so much to learn.

Flattery won't get you anywhere.

You're the funniest
and prettiest one on the show.

My approach to comedy is simple.

You see, when there's someone...

lf we're going to play
those bumbling bees of yours,

here's something you need
to know about me.

l don't play bumbling bees.

Well, that's okay.
Because l've got millions of ideas.

l'm just glad
we're finally getting along better.

Oh, so you're working
on Sonny's sketch?

Oh, no, no, no. No, it's our sketch.

Used to be my sketch.

Used to be my dressing room.

Used to be my show.

No, we're--

Remember, we're bees.

We're happy, happy bees.

Fine. We're bees.

Let's say a new bee arrived at the hive.

And on her first day, she buzzed in
and she thought she knew everything.

And she threw out
one of her millions of ideas,

and she stung the queen bee
right in the back.

How would that make you feel?

l can't believe you stabbed me.

l didn't stab you. You stabbed yourself.

You just stood there and watched,
which is just like stabbing,

so it's really your fault.

l knew you were out to get me.

l'm not out to get you.
Here. We need to rinse this out.

Oh, my gosh.

l'm sorry.

We need ointment
and a bandage. Here.

My queen bee cape?
That's my favourite cape.

How many capes do you have?

Here.

Here we go. Just-- No, no, no.

- You're out of your mind.
- No, no.

- Get away from me.
- Sorry.

Take Puddy.
Puddy makes everything better.

Don't touch my Puddy.

Puddy.

Look at me. l'm covered in Puddy.

l'm sorry.

Sorry isn't gonna bring Puddy back,
now is it?

We'll get you a new Puddy Two Shoes.
A better Puddy Two Shoes.

We'll get you a Puddy Three Shoes.

Well, what about my pride, huh?

That's been shredded too.

Look, Tawni, the last thing
l ever wanted to do was hurt your pride.

And if l did, l'm really sorry,
but now l just wanna make things better.

Do you think you can add
the queen-bee sketch back into the show?

l think the bumbling-bee sketch
is funnier.

l don't. And let's see
how funny it is without me.

But l can't do the sketch without you.

Then l guess, just like Puddy,
the sketch is no longer with us.

You know that Puddy
was a stuffed ani--

Okay, that's it.

Ever since l've gotten here,
l've been walking on eggshells

trying to keep the head cheerleader happy,
but apparently, that's impossible.

And you know what?
l can sis, and l can boom,

and my bah kicks butt,
thank you very much.

Because l am one bad bee.

Oh, my gosh. One bad bee.

l got an idea for a new sketch,
and it doesn't include Tawni.

l gotta go. Sis-boom-bye.

You go, girl.

You can go too.

Let's get back to So Random!

- Si's-boom-buzz
- Si's-boom-buzz

- Si's-boom-buzz
- You heard me

Si's-boom-buzzity-buzz

- Si's-boom-buzz
- Si's-boom-buzz

- Si's-boom-buzz
- You heard me

- Si's-boom-buzzity-buzz
- lm ju'st the new bee

And it's kind of hard to fit in

When the queen bee
Ha's the thinne'st 'skin

No matter how nice you try to be

She's alway's
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me

Sorry.

l try to be nice
But you 'see what it get's

lt's like jamming a 'stick
ln'side a hornet's ne'st

- Si's-boom-buzz
- Si's-boom-buzz

- Si's-boom-buzz
- You heard me

Si's-boom-buzz

Si's-boom-buzz

- lm not a 'stumbling bee
- No

- A crumbling bee
- No

- A tumbling, a fumbling, a mumbling bee
- No

- Ajumbling bee
- No

- A rumbling bee
- No

l gue's's the only bee that l can be i's me

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Word to the hive.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- What?

Okay, people, great show.

Coming back to the sign-off in five.

- Hey. Nice job out there tonight, kiddo.
- Thank you, Marshall.

Since it's your first show,
why don't you say good night?

- What?
- ln five, four, three...

Now let's welcome
the ca'st of So Random!

Well, that's our show, everybody.

And l just wanted to say,
for as long as l can remember,

it's always been a dream of mine.

Meeting the boys, hanging with Zora.

And best of all, getting to work
with one of my true heroes

and the inspiration for our last sketch.

Give it up for Tawni Hart.

Well, that's our show, everybody.
Good night.

- l want my Puddy.
- l'm so sorry.

So we have a tradition on So Random!

First time you star in a sketch, you get
to hang up a prop in the prop house.

- So l can hang this anywhere?
- Anywhere you like.

lt's also tradition we get ice cream
at the end of the show.

l'm gonna hang here for a sec.

Cool. We'll see you at the cafeteria.

- Cool.
- Okay.

lm on the 'show
l made So Random!

lm in the 'show
lm in Hollywood, yeah

What--? Oh, my gosh.

Sweet! l'm no longer the weird one.