Son of a Critch (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript
For most folks,
Christmas is a time
of peace on earth.
At the critch house,
It was just another
excuse to argue.
Loosen up that garland, mary.
What are you trying to do,
decorate it or hang it?
Ugh! I hate this packin' thing!
Why can't we have a real tree?
- Practically live in the woods.
- Real trees are death traps!
You ever hear of forest fires?
They all begin with real trees.
Deck the halls with
boughs of plastic.
Good god! Will somebody
pass me my toolkit?
The old man's toolbox.
A cookie tin filled with
some nails, some tape,
A flat head screwdriver,
some buttons,
And a rusty hinge.
It was as useless as
the old man himself.
Pop: That's crooked. Down
a bit on the left! Down!
- Christ on a cracker!
- Who the frig could that be?
Any mummers allowed in?
- oh, mummers! Oh my god!
Mummering is an old
newfoundland tradition.
You throw together a costume
from things around the house.
Old clothes, a
pillowcase for a mask.
And go door-to-door getting
booze from neighbours.
Who would otherwise
never let you in.
it's like Halloween
for drunks.
It's all right,
don't be frightened.
It's somebody we already know.
We just gotta guess who it is.
But everyone we know
is already here.
This is like a home invasion.
There'll be none o' that.
All right, reveal yourself!
Dick, is that you?
What's the matter, mike?
Don't know your own brother?
- Uncle brendan!
Dad has a brother?
I had no idea that
I even had an uncle.
While dad stayed behind
caring for their parents,
Brendan had travelled the world.
Pop: Look at you.
The very mention of his
name would send dad.
Into a tizzy and so... His
name was never mentioned.
Have you lost weight.
Or is it just your brother
that's getting fatter?
Oh.
If I had a woman like
mary cooking for me,
I'd be fat too, dad!
Oh, brendan, you always
had a way with words.
And little mike, who's
not so little anymore!
My god, you've grown
like a tapeworm.
And this must be uh... Uh, uh,
The other one!
Mark. I don't believe we've met.
Oh, that's 'cause
last time I saw you,
You were just a baby. Go on!
I'm your uncle! Give
us a hug. Arrrrgh!
Jeez, mike, can't
believe you didn't send.
So much as a picture.
Hard to do without
an address, brother.
Yeah, well, he's
hard to track down.
With all his jet setting.
Where are you these days?
All over the world, dad.
Regina, fort mac... Pop: Oh!
- Miramichi.
- Oh.
So, you'll just be passing
through then, I take it?
- Just a quick stop.
- Gotta head downtown now,
See if I can find myself a...
Place to crash for the night.
Uh, there's vacancy
at the skyline motel.
Uncle brendan can stay
in my room with me.
Oh! Great! You can tell
me about all the girls.
You got on the go, hey?
This calls for a toast. You
got any liquor, brother?
Dad only drinks
the wine in church.
Pop: Mike, there's a bottle of
rum in the trunk in my room.
Go get it.
Not every day I get
to drink with my son.
Ha, ha, ha!
That garland's a mess. Pop: Ah!
Ah! Perfect!
Why didn't you tell
me I had an uncle?
You never missed
much, believe me.
gonna need more
molasses, more ham,
- More margarine, more potatoes...
- I wouldn't count on him.
Sticking around very long, mary.
What? There's nothing
wrong with family.
Wanting to be home
for christmas.
I mean, give him a break, b'y.
A break?! His whole
life has been a break.
All that man does
is take, take, take!
Figure'd I give you
your presents now.
No sense trying
to hide anything.
In a house this small.
Mike!
oh!
- Pop.
- Oh, no! Really?
That's a fondue set!
For dipping bread in cheese.
- You mean like fingers?
Oh my! A clock-radio!
Ah, you see, mike?
It's okay for a son.
To give his father a little
present now and then.
Yeah, like free room and
board for a couple of decades?
Well, I wouldn't
wanna insult you.
By offering ya rent,
ya stunned ass!
This is just a small
token of my appreciation.
- For letting me stay here.
- Oh...
You don't need to appreciate us,
We're your family!
- Springsteen's
box set?! What?
That's too much, now, brendan.
Well, nothing's too good
for my little roomie.
Now, you didn't think I forgot
about my other nephew, did ya?
- a switcheroo-bot...?
Is that supposed to
be like a transformer?
Mark. What do you
say to your uncle?
I hope you kept the receipt?
thanks.
I was loyal to my father.
oh, brendan.
Oh! It's gorgeous!
Oh, it must've cost a fortune!
Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
Compared to what
mike has for ya.
Oh, we don't bother with
gifts after all these years.
We exchange cards.
I thought you said cards
were more special than gifts.
You've still got a lot
to learn about women.
Yeah.
Oh, it's-it's-it's too much.
- Here, I... I can't.
- What?!
For god's sake, keep the coat.
Mike, don't be
such a bloody sook.
- It's not up to me.
- It's your gift.
- That's the spirit.
- Well...
Maybe just this once? Hmm?
oh...
That fits like a glove, mary.
- mike! You don't drink.
Maybe just this once.
Jesus. Oh! Oh... No!
Oh, look!
They left the
security tag on it.
Oh, I'll just bring
it back to ayre's.
Don't you worry
about that, my dear.
Nothing I can't get into
with a butter knife.
Ungh!
- Huh!
- nothin' to it!
Now... How about that drink?
Ah, there you go!
Ah... brendan: oh ho!
A As I drifted off to sleep,
The sound of all the adults
in the house getting tanked.
Somehow made me feel safer
than I'd ever felt in my life.
I know everyone is excited.
- For santa claus.
- Am I?
geez!
Hello, sister.
I was just talking to the
children about christmas.
And where in the bible would
I find santa claus, sister?
Children, I want to talk to you.
About keeping
christ in christmas.
That's christmas, or...
Christ mass, not xmas.
When you say "xmas," you
are crossing out christ.
And what is an x but
a sideways cross,
Or
a crucifix.
Every time you write
xmas, boys and girls,
You are literally
crucifying Jesus.
Ho, ho, hosanna in the highest.
Whatever happened to rudolph?
Well, that was uh... Festive.
Sister rose has a point
buried in there somewhere.
Christmas is the baby jesus'
birthday party, not yours.
That is why it is
better to give a gift.
Than to receive one.
So, we are having
a hamper drive,
Collecting donations of
toys for needy children.
I need some volunteens to help.
Any volunteens?
Oh!
Hate to lose out
on a technicality,
But... We're not teens.
But we'd love to help.
Ha! What a bunch
of elf suck-holes.
And fox. Welcome
to the volunteens.
Maybe you'll learn to be
a little more considerate.
God, mike.
You sick?
Jesus murphy, no...
- You're hungover!
- Yeah, well, so are you!
No, I'm still drunk,
it's different.
Why, if I'd known you
were around the sauce,
I woulda dragged you down
to the legion last night!
I dj-ed their christmas party.
And I did not skimp
on the david bowie.
What a night!
I went home with fifty
dollars and leanne lush.
I'm busier than a bayman with
two woodstoves these days,
What with all the...
The christmas parties.
And events the
station has me doin'.
The money's good, but the
hours are a nightmare.
You know, I could cover some
of those shifts for ya, dick.
You?
You turn your nose up
at this stuff, mike.
I need to pick up a little
bit o' extra gift money, okay?
Share the wealth, hey?
It's christmas after all.
Well, there is one gig
I'm trying to get out of.
The money's good,
But trust me, you
wouldn't want it.
God, that thing's so lame.
I mean, why ask a tree what
you want for christmas.
When santa is around the corner?
Good god! A barbie
dream house?!
That's much too expensive!
When I was your age, you'd
be lucky to get an orange.
Kids these days. Spoiled rotten!
Dad?
While ritchie
collected the toys,
I was focused on the tree.
Dad? Are you in there?
What? Good god, no!
I can tell it's your voice.
No, this is the happy tree.
End of discussion,
mark! Go home!
- How'd you know my name then?
- Dammit!
Why are you inside
the happy tree?
I'm trying to earn a
little bit of extra money.
For christmas. Don't
tell your mother.
Or your idiot uncle,
for god's sake.
You're too old to talk to
the happy tree, doofus.
Uh, hello, fox.
How's your christmas?
- Shut up, tree!
- You're... You're lame!
Come on.
How'd that tree know my name?
I know, right?
These toys kinda suck.
Imagine waking up
on christmas day.
And this is all you
had to play with?
Ow...
What was that for?
Probably saw someone she knows.
Ya ever see a tape
deck in a car before?
No! This is awesome.
- What year is she?
- Agh!
Car is like a man.
Age don't matter as
long as you got spunk.
Besides, this is
more than a car.
This is my office,
and a hotel room.
You sleep in your car?
Cool! Cool!
Have to when you're
an entrepreneur.
Mind you, it's not always
all it's cracked up to be.
- yeah.
I can't wait to get outta here.
I've been saving up
money for school.
Got about a grand now.
A grand? How?
Two years of mowin'
grass and shovellin'.
I do the station, the car lot,
and uh, old mrs. Hicks' place.
Well, now, why would you wanna.
Waste that money on school.
When you could be like
me and make money?
All you need is the
open road and...
A car.
yeah.
Nah. Nah, I go for
my licence in may,
But... I could never afford one.
You know, maybe...
You could buy mine.
I'm thinking of
an upgrade anyway.
Here's what we'll do.
You give me whatever
you got now,
As a deposit,
And then I'll come
back for the rest.
Once you've got
your licence, and...
- She's all yours!
- Oh, that would be awesome!
Uh... But...
I should probably run
it by my dad first.
Forget it.
Look, kid,
There's two ways to
move through this life.
You can be like your old man,
always afraid to do anything,
Or... You can be like me.
Do you want a little hoot?
No. No, I don't do that stuff.
- Oh, come on. It's just us...
- Yeah, okay.
- easy!
Woo!
Needing a hamper for two
boys - one four, one six.
Two boys - one four, one six.
We assigned the toys
to needy families.
Like santa, we made a
list and checked it twice.
'Kay, a 17-year-old
boy, 16-year-old boy,
A five-year-old boy
and a 12-year-old girl.
They're gonna clean us out.
The only family I
know that big is...
- Oh, god.
- it's fox.
We said the toys were pathetic.
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus...
Hey, dicks.
Looks like you're almost done
filling up the barf bags.
Uh... If you mean
hampers of amazingness,
Then yes!
I can't believe people are
just giving this stuff away!
Uh, in this one, I
believe we have...
Socks,
A water gun,
Rubik's cube,
And...
A switcheroo-bot!
Where'd that come
from? Who cares?
it's all gold!
That's the best one.
You take it, fox!
We won't say anything.
Gross! Why would I want
other people's junk?
Gets underway this weekend.
The parade route will start
at the top of water street,
And finish all the way down
at the end of water street.
Mike critch, vocm news.
That what passes for news
around here these days?
Your brother can
make a murder scene.
Out of jam on toast.
the victim was covered.
In what appeared to be blood.
A knife was found on the scene.
Robbery was the motive. The
suspect needed a little bread.
Mike critch, vocm news.
You know, speaking of mike,
Where's he been
goin' at night, dick?
- How should I know?
- I'm not his babysitter.
Well, I seen you driving him
somewhere after work. Hmm?
He doesn't have a licence.
Trouble in paradise, mary?
I can guarantee you he hasn't
got someone on the side.
Sure, he can
barely handle you!
huh.
You know, surely you knows
where you dropped him off to,
Huh?
See, it's christmas
eve-eve and...
Well, I don't know
where my husband is, so
you can either
finish that beer.
And tell me what's goin' on,
Or I can break the friggin'
bottle over your greasy head.
For some reason,
it was much easier.
To talk to my father
when he was a tree.
We tried to give her
all the best stuff.
I even gave her
my switcheroo-bot.
what did I do wrong, dad?
Well, there's a difference
between a hand up.
And a hand out.
I know what it was like
to grow up with nothin'.
Fox is a very proud person
and you embarrassed her.
That's why the hampers are
supposed to be anonymous.
I guess I'd better
find her and apologize.
Look, I know we don't
have much money either.
I try to do my best. I
hope you know that, but...
I love you, son.
Hmm. Feels good to
say that out loud.
You know, your pop never did
tell me that he loved me.
What the frig are you
going on about, mike?
Good god! Mary?!
Pack off and wait
your turn, hmm?
The lot o' ya.
Hello, mr. Tree.
For christmas, I would like
my husband to stay home.
And stop worrying about
getting me a present.
Just because his
sleeveen brother.
Stole a coat from ayre's.
I guess I look pretty
foolish now, don't I?
You never looked better.
I'm not that good with words,
and I don't say it enough, but...
Oh, come outta there
and give me a hug.
- I can't leave my box, mary.
- The kids'll see me.
Oh.
Huh.
Excusez-moi.
Oh, turn that thing off.
Isn't this romantic!
Now, give me that hug.
Uh, I can't.
You're gonna have to move
your leg to the right.
No, I can't. I'm pinned
against the wall.
Well, turn sideways.
Oh! I'm stuck.
Ow! You're on my
hair, ya arsehole!
d'oh! Well, damn it
all to hell then!
Hmm.
Can't get no privacy
in a house this size.
No room for secrets.
Are you going somewhere, b'y?
I got this big thing
coming down the pipe, dad.
Thing is, I gotta move fast.
Oh. How can you do that?
I heard you sold your car.
Well, I never sold it.
Kid just put down
a little deposit.
So you'll be givin'
him his money back.
Right now, it's kinda tied
up in this business venture.
You're gonna break
the boy's heart.
Can't it wait 'til
after christmas?
Holidays never meant
that much to me.
Neither did I.
So long, idiot.
Sometimes the perfect gift.
Is just telling someone
that you love them.
It's just what I wanted.
And sometimes it's
saying nothing at all.
Where's uncle brendan?
Oh, he had to, uh, leave
in a bit of a hurry.
He wanted me to give you this.
He decided he
couldn't sell the car.
- Hmm.
- Thanks, pop.
When it comes down to it,
Christmas is about family.
Sometimes it's the family
you are born into...
And sometimes it's
the family you choose.
I thought a hamper full of toys.
Would make for a
merry christmas,
But the best gifts
don't come from malls,
They come from the heart.
Mary and mark: Mmm...
I don't remember
many of the presents,
But I remember every
christmas in our little house.
- Wastin' our good...
- Perfectly good bread, wasted.
The best gifts aren't
under the tree,
They're the people around it.
- oh my god, it's too hot.
- Mary: Hot! mm-hmm.
- mm!
- Woo!
- Really good.
oh god...
Crusty bread.
Like snowflakes, each
christmas was unique...
And like snowflakes, each
one was gone too soon.
Christmas is a time
of peace on earth.
At the critch house,
It was just another
excuse to argue.
Loosen up that garland, mary.
What are you trying to do,
decorate it or hang it?
Ugh! I hate this packin' thing!
Why can't we have a real tree?
- Practically live in the woods.
- Real trees are death traps!
You ever hear of forest fires?
They all begin with real trees.
Deck the halls with
boughs of plastic.
Good god! Will somebody
pass me my toolkit?
The old man's toolbox.
A cookie tin filled with
some nails, some tape,
A flat head screwdriver,
some buttons,
And a rusty hinge.
It was as useless as
the old man himself.
Pop: That's crooked. Down
a bit on the left! Down!
- Christ on a cracker!
- Who the frig could that be?
Any mummers allowed in?
- oh, mummers! Oh my god!
Mummering is an old
newfoundland tradition.
You throw together a costume
from things around the house.
Old clothes, a
pillowcase for a mask.
And go door-to-door getting
booze from neighbours.
Who would otherwise
never let you in.
it's like Halloween
for drunks.
It's all right,
don't be frightened.
It's somebody we already know.
We just gotta guess who it is.
But everyone we know
is already here.
This is like a home invasion.
There'll be none o' that.
All right, reveal yourself!
Dick, is that you?
What's the matter, mike?
Don't know your own brother?
- Uncle brendan!
Dad has a brother?
I had no idea that
I even had an uncle.
While dad stayed behind
caring for their parents,
Brendan had travelled the world.
Pop: Look at you.
The very mention of his
name would send dad.
Into a tizzy and so... His
name was never mentioned.
Have you lost weight.
Or is it just your brother
that's getting fatter?
Oh.
If I had a woman like
mary cooking for me,
I'd be fat too, dad!
Oh, brendan, you always
had a way with words.
And little mike, who's
not so little anymore!
My god, you've grown
like a tapeworm.
And this must be uh... Uh, uh,
The other one!
Mark. I don't believe we've met.
Oh, that's 'cause
last time I saw you,
You were just a baby. Go on!
I'm your uncle! Give
us a hug. Arrrrgh!
Jeez, mike, can't
believe you didn't send.
So much as a picture.
Hard to do without
an address, brother.
Yeah, well, he's
hard to track down.
With all his jet setting.
Where are you these days?
All over the world, dad.
Regina, fort mac... Pop: Oh!
- Miramichi.
- Oh.
So, you'll just be passing
through then, I take it?
- Just a quick stop.
- Gotta head downtown now,
See if I can find myself a...
Place to crash for the night.
Uh, there's vacancy
at the skyline motel.
Uncle brendan can stay
in my room with me.
Oh! Great! You can tell
me about all the girls.
You got on the go, hey?
This calls for a toast. You
got any liquor, brother?
Dad only drinks
the wine in church.
Pop: Mike, there's a bottle of
rum in the trunk in my room.
Go get it.
Not every day I get
to drink with my son.
Ha, ha, ha!
That garland's a mess. Pop: Ah!
Ah! Perfect!
Why didn't you tell
me I had an uncle?
You never missed
much, believe me.
gonna need more
molasses, more ham,
- More margarine, more potatoes...
- I wouldn't count on him.
Sticking around very long, mary.
What? There's nothing
wrong with family.
Wanting to be home
for christmas.
I mean, give him a break, b'y.
A break?! His whole
life has been a break.
All that man does
is take, take, take!
Figure'd I give you
your presents now.
No sense trying
to hide anything.
In a house this small.
Mike!
oh!
- Pop.
- Oh, no! Really?
That's a fondue set!
For dipping bread in cheese.
- You mean like fingers?
Oh my! A clock-radio!
Ah, you see, mike?
It's okay for a son.
To give his father a little
present now and then.
Yeah, like free room and
board for a couple of decades?
Well, I wouldn't
wanna insult you.
By offering ya rent,
ya stunned ass!
This is just a small
token of my appreciation.
- For letting me stay here.
- Oh...
You don't need to appreciate us,
We're your family!
- Springsteen's
box set?! What?
That's too much, now, brendan.
Well, nothing's too good
for my little roomie.
Now, you didn't think I forgot
about my other nephew, did ya?
- a switcheroo-bot...?
Is that supposed to
be like a transformer?
Mark. What do you
say to your uncle?
I hope you kept the receipt?
thanks.
I was loyal to my father.
oh, brendan.
Oh! It's gorgeous!
Oh, it must've cost a fortune!
Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
Compared to what
mike has for ya.
Oh, we don't bother with
gifts after all these years.
We exchange cards.
I thought you said cards
were more special than gifts.
You've still got a lot
to learn about women.
Yeah.
Oh, it's-it's-it's too much.
- Here, I... I can't.
- What?!
For god's sake, keep the coat.
Mike, don't be
such a bloody sook.
- It's not up to me.
- It's your gift.
- That's the spirit.
- Well...
Maybe just this once? Hmm?
oh...
That fits like a glove, mary.
- mike! You don't drink.
Maybe just this once.
Jesus. Oh! Oh... No!
Oh, look!
They left the
security tag on it.
Oh, I'll just bring
it back to ayre's.
Don't you worry
about that, my dear.
Nothing I can't get into
with a butter knife.
Ungh!
- Huh!
- nothin' to it!
Now... How about that drink?
Ah, there you go!
Ah... brendan: oh ho!
A As I drifted off to sleep,
The sound of all the adults
in the house getting tanked.
Somehow made me feel safer
than I'd ever felt in my life.
I know everyone is excited.
- For santa claus.
- Am I?
geez!
Hello, sister.
I was just talking to the
children about christmas.
And where in the bible would
I find santa claus, sister?
Children, I want to talk to you.
About keeping
christ in christmas.
That's christmas, or...
Christ mass, not xmas.
When you say "xmas," you
are crossing out christ.
And what is an x but
a sideways cross,
Or
a crucifix.
Every time you write
xmas, boys and girls,
You are literally
crucifying Jesus.
Ho, ho, hosanna in the highest.
Whatever happened to rudolph?
Well, that was uh... Festive.
Sister rose has a point
buried in there somewhere.
Christmas is the baby jesus'
birthday party, not yours.
That is why it is
better to give a gift.
Than to receive one.
So, we are having
a hamper drive,
Collecting donations of
toys for needy children.
I need some volunteens to help.
Any volunteens?
Oh!
Hate to lose out
on a technicality,
But... We're not teens.
But we'd love to help.
Ha! What a bunch
of elf suck-holes.
And fox. Welcome
to the volunteens.
Maybe you'll learn to be
a little more considerate.
God, mike.
You sick?
Jesus murphy, no...
- You're hungover!
- Yeah, well, so are you!
No, I'm still drunk,
it's different.
Why, if I'd known you
were around the sauce,
I woulda dragged you down
to the legion last night!
I dj-ed their christmas party.
And I did not skimp
on the david bowie.
What a night!
I went home with fifty
dollars and leanne lush.
I'm busier than a bayman with
two woodstoves these days,
What with all the...
The christmas parties.
And events the
station has me doin'.
The money's good, but the
hours are a nightmare.
You know, I could cover some
of those shifts for ya, dick.
You?
You turn your nose up
at this stuff, mike.
I need to pick up a little
bit o' extra gift money, okay?
Share the wealth, hey?
It's christmas after all.
Well, there is one gig
I'm trying to get out of.
The money's good,
But trust me, you
wouldn't want it.
God, that thing's so lame.
I mean, why ask a tree what
you want for christmas.
When santa is around the corner?
Good god! A barbie
dream house?!
That's much too expensive!
When I was your age, you'd
be lucky to get an orange.
Kids these days. Spoiled rotten!
Dad?
While ritchie
collected the toys,
I was focused on the tree.
Dad? Are you in there?
What? Good god, no!
I can tell it's your voice.
No, this is the happy tree.
End of discussion,
mark! Go home!
- How'd you know my name then?
- Dammit!
Why are you inside
the happy tree?
I'm trying to earn a
little bit of extra money.
For christmas. Don't
tell your mother.
Or your idiot uncle,
for god's sake.
You're too old to talk to
the happy tree, doofus.
Uh, hello, fox.
How's your christmas?
- Shut up, tree!
- You're... You're lame!
Come on.
How'd that tree know my name?
I know, right?
These toys kinda suck.
Imagine waking up
on christmas day.
And this is all you
had to play with?
Ow...
What was that for?
Probably saw someone she knows.
Ya ever see a tape
deck in a car before?
No! This is awesome.
- What year is she?
- Agh!
Car is like a man.
Age don't matter as
long as you got spunk.
Besides, this is
more than a car.
This is my office,
and a hotel room.
You sleep in your car?
Cool! Cool!
Have to when you're
an entrepreneur.
Mind you, it's not always
all it's cracked up to be.
- yeah.
I can't wait to get outta here.
I've been saving up
money for school.
Got about a grand now.
A grand? How?
Two years of mowin'
grass and shovellin'.
I do the station, the car lot,
and uh, old mrs. Hicks' place.
Well, now, why would you wanna.
Waste that money on school.
When you could be like
me and make money?
All you need is the
open road and...
A car.
yeah.
Nah. Nah, I go for
my licence in may,
But... I could never afford one.
You know, maybe...
You could buy mine.
I'm thinking of
an upgrade anyway.
Here's what we'll do.
You give me whatever
you got now,
As a deposit,
And then I'll come
back for the rest.
Once you've got
your licence, and...
- She's all yours!
- Oh, that would be awesome!
Uh... But...
I should probably run
it by my dad first.
Forget it.
Look, kid,
There's two ways to
move through this life.
You can be like your old man,
always afraid to do anything,
Or... You can be like me.
Do you want a little hoot?
No. No, I don't do that stuff.
- Oh, come on. It's just us...
- Yeah, okay.
- easy!
Woo!
Needing a hamper for two
boys - one four, one six.
Two boys - one four, one six.
We assigned the toys
to needy families.
Like santa, we made a
list and checked it twice.
'Kay, a 17-year-old
boy, 16-year-old boy,
A five-year-old boy
and a 12-year-old girl.
They're gonna clean us out.
The only family I
know that big is...
- Oh, god.
- it's fox.
We said the toys were pathetic.
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus...
Hey, dicks.
Looks like you're almost done
filling up the barf bags.
Uh... If you mean
hampers of amazingness,
Then yes!
I can't believe people are
just giving this stuff away!
Uh, in this one, I
believe we have...
Socks,
A water gun,
Rubik's cube,
And...
A switcheroo-bot!
Where'd that come
from? Who cares?
it's all gold!
That's the best one.
You take it, fox!
We won't say anything.
Gross! Why would I want
other people's junk?
Gets underway this weekend.
The parade route will start
at the top of water street,
And finish all the way down
at the end of water street.
Mike critch, vocm news.
That what passes for news
around here these days?
Your brother can
make a murder scene.
Out of jam on toast.
the victim was covered.
In what appeared to be blood.
A knife was found on the scene.
Robbery was the motive. The
suspect needed a little bread.
Mike critch, vocm news.
You know, speaking of mike,
Where's he been
goin' at night, dick?
- How should I know?
- I'm not his babysitter.
Well, I seen you driving him
somewhere after work. Hmm?
He doesn't have a licence.
Trouble in paradise, mary?
I can guarantee you he hasn't
got someone on the side.
Sure, he can
barely handle you!
huh.
You know, surely you knows
where you dropped him off to,
Huh?
See, it's christmas
eve-eve and...
Well, I don't know
where my husband is, so
you can either
finish that beer.
And tell me what's goin' on,
Or I can break the friggin'
bottle over your greasy head.
For some reason,
it was much easier.
To talk to my father
when he was a tree.
We tried to give her
all the best stuff.
I even gave her
my switcheroo-bot.
what did I do wrong, dad?
Well, there's a difference
between a hand up.
And a hand out.
I know what it was like
to grow up with nothin'.
Fox is a very proud person
and you embarrassed her.
That's why the hampers are
supposed to be anonymous.
I guess I'd better
find her and apologize.
Look, I know we don't
have much money either.
I try to do my best. I
hope you know that, but...
I love you, son.
Hmm. Feels good to
say that out loud.
You know, your pop never did
tell me that he loved me.
What the frig are you
going on about, mike?
Good god! Mary?!
Pack off and wait
your turn, hmm?
The lot o' ya.
Hello, mr. Tree.
For christmas, I would like
my husband to stay home.
And stop worrying about
getting me a present.
Just because his
sleeveen brother.
Stole a coat from ayre's.
I guess I look pretty
foolish now, don't I?
You never looked better.
I'm not that good with words,
and I don't say it enough, but...
Oh, come outta there
and give me a hug.
- I can't leave my box, mary.
- The kids'll see me.
Oh.
Huh.
Excusez-moi.
Oh, turn that thing off.
Isn't this romantic!
Now, give me that hug.
Uh, I can't.
You're gonna have to move
your leg to the right.
No, I can't. I'm pinned
against the wall.
Well, turn sideways.
Oh! I'm stuck.
Ow! You're on my
hair, ya arsehole!
d'oh! Well, damn it
all to hell then!
Hmm.
Can't get no privacy
in a house this size.
No room for secrets.
Are you going somewhere, b'y?
I got this big thing
coming down the pipe, dad.
Thing is, I gotta move fast.
Oh. How can you do that?
I heard you sold your car.
Well, I never sold it.
Kid just put down
a little deposit.
So you'll be givin'
him his money back.
Right now, it's kinda tied
up in this business venture.
You're gonna break
the boy's heart.
Can't it wait 'til
after christmas?
Holidays never meant
that much to me.
Neither did I.
So long, idiot.
Sometimes the perfect gift.
Is just telling someone
that you love them.
It's just what I wanted.
And sometimes it's
saying nothing at all.
Where's uncle brendan?
Oh, he had to, uh, leave
in a bit of a hurry.
He wanted me to give you this.
He decided he
couldn't sell the car.
- Hmm.
- Thanks, pop.
When it comes down to it,
Christmas is about family.
Sometimes it's the family
you are born into...
And sometimes it's
the family you choose.
I thought a hamper full of toys.
Would make for a
merry christmas,
But the best gifts
don't come from malls,
They come from the heart.
Mary and mark: Mmm...
I don't remember
many of the presents,
But I remember every
christmas in our little house.
- Wastin' our good...
- Perfectly good bread, wasted.
The best gifts aren't
under the tree,
They're the people around it.
- oh my god, it's too hot.
- Mary: Hot! mm-hmm.
- mm!
- Woo!
- Really good.
oh god...
Crusty bread.
Like snowflakes, each
christmas was unique...
And like snowflakes, each
one was gone too soon.