Solsidan (2010–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Är jag pappa till barnet? - full transcript

Can you see it sucking on its thumb?

There's the heart and here's the spine.
It's looking great.

The skull shape is perfect. Round.

It suggests a very high intelligence,
between 180 and 200 IQ.

No one here has
ever seen the likes.

The nose bone is straight.
What a beautiful child! What an intelligent child!

A perfect child!

Hello! I told you.
that it would be a girl.

A girl? That's so funny!

Howdy! Bought a new grill?
-Yes, a Smeg.

Did it include a cockpit, too?

The cockpit's here,
This is where you monitor everything.

You can grill three chickens in
one go and almost a pig.

Three-phase connection for electricity
and one for tap water.

What kind of barbecue do you have yourself?
-I don't know, I don't know.

No... It's... a red...
a red charcoal grill.

How can you not know
what you grill on?

Anyway, I went to the
ultrasound with Anna today.

It's a little girl.
She's scheduled for August 4.

Count 40 weeks back,
You'll know when she was made.

It's good to know when it was.

Apparently, 20 percent of all dads
in Sweden did not father the child.

20 percent?! No way.
-It could have been 2%.

Are you worried?
No no no...

35, 36,37, 38, 39...


What the hell?

35, 36, 37, 38...

How sure are you? That it's August 4th?
Could it be the 12th?


I'll check it out.
No, don't take it out, leave it.

I have to bring this up with Anna.

No, find out more before you do,
Otherwise, it can be difficult.

Yes, that's what I'll do.

Hey, that feature film you made
last winter, when does it release?

It went well.
I guess it's coming soon.

The trailer is already online.

What movie was that?
-"The man who loved too much."

Starring Ola Rapace.
A romantic comedy.

But I told you, didn't I?
-Yes, maybe.

Who are you playing?
His ex.

He's emotionally broken.
or he's very...

So we're still seeing each other.
We "hang out" or we...

-Like little rabbits, the script said.

When you do sex scenes,
do you sleep with each other?

No, it just looks like it,
But he won't put his...

... plug in the socket.
Damn, I'm going to throw up!

Does it ever slip in?
-Are you jealous?

No, God no! I was just wondering.
I don't know anything about movies.

-That's good.

No, Victor! Stop!
What are you doing?!

The sausage tastes bad.

It's all sticky.
-I glazed it.

Glaze on the grill sausage?
-Double glaze.

Mango, chili, oak, hickory.

Was that so smart?
Smearing rubbish on the sausage?

It's a moisture barrier when grilling and
makes the taste and juice stay in the meat.

Maybe Ebba wants some.
-She's got three teeth.

She can't just eat baby food like that.
-Then cook something she can eat.

LPG can get a little boring, so I
have started to glance at charcoal grills.

We don't need another barbecue.


It's in the garage.

My name is Carl Levin.

I am 32 years old.

Love is forever -
only the women change.

But there's one woman
I can't let go: Malin.

My old ex.

We had fun.
We were so crazy together.

Should we go into the bedroom?
-Fine, but then I want to fuck!

Hi, I'd like the number for
Ola Rapace in Stockholm.

Yes, it's Ola.
-Ola Rapace?

I'm calling from Upsala Nya Tidning,
I've some questions about your new film.

There were some hot scenes in it.
-You mean the bedroom scene?

So, old man, here's stroganoff
and homemade root mash that you love.

Do you make big batches too?
-Yes, and freeze them into ice cube trays.

Then you take out what you need.
-That's smart.

It's nice to get away from regular
baby food. It's no good.

It's just water and starches,
no nutrients at all.

I don't understand mothers
who never cook their own food.

What is more important than good food?

Oh, no! I left the food at home.

I'll give you some. Agnes doesn't eat everything.
-Is it safe?

That's sweet of you. That's really friendly.

So stupid.
I make big batches of stew.

Which you love, don't you?

When I made stew
it didn't turn out so well.

Why don't you bring some?
-Yes, absolutely.

Do you think she's hot?
-Do I think what?

Well, when you do scenes like that, maybe,
it's really important...

...that you're attracted
to your opponent.

It happens, that's all I'm saying.
Maybe her boyfriend's reading along.

Yes, maybe he is, and maybe he
wonders if you've fucked her too!

What are you doing? We just ate.
-I know, I know, I know.

But check out the glow bed. Like silk.
This only happens once in a lifetime.

You're an addict.
-I'm an addict?

Then stop grilling.
-Yes, I suppose I can do that.

But it's May and I've
bought a grill for 18,000.

Wait a minute. You bought
a barbecue for 18,000 kronor?

It included utensils and coal.
Give it back!
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:42,440
I'll put the grill away for a week.

Is the picnic grill okay?

It's tiny, isn't it?
Like a cigarette lighter.

Forget it. If you're in the mood to
cook something, make some stew.

-Forget it.

You've never eaten home cooking.
-No, but maybe it's for Ebba!

I'm sorry, I can make a stew...
if I can grill the meat.

You can't grill stew.
-You can grill anything.

I'll do it myself.
-Are you grilling?

You can tell Fredde.

I won't accept this.
-What did you say?


Do you have time?

Ola Rapace? Damn, that's tough!
I don't know what to do.

Remember Markus Carinder who got married?
With Stephanie Houlstedt?

When she cheated on him, he found out.
Got together with some Mia to get revenge.

Stephanie found out.
"You cheated on me at first," he said.

She told the children
they were not actually his

Because he wouldn't have cheated on me.

But Mia was knocked up.
And then Stephanie wanted a divorce.

He got divorced.
And married Mia instead.

Now he has family in two places and
drinking quite a lot, they say.

What conclusion should I draw from that?

Any conclusion you want.
It's a story with many layers.

Don't talk to Mickan about this.
-No, no way!

Wake up, Mickan! Alex's not the father
of the child, it's Ola Rapace.

Hey, hey!
-There you are! Hi!

-What's up?

All right with you?
-Yes, absolutely.

Hey, hey!


I'm glad the weather turned out nice.
-What did you say?

I'm glad the weather turned out nice.

Let's head south,
into the strait there and through.

How are you? You holding up?
-Yes, damn it.

It's good to get out
and think about other stuff.

Honey! Slow down!
-It's okay.

Let's go, let's go.

Fredrik! Slow down!

What did you say, darling?
Slow down now!

She'll get used to it.

That's good!
Al dente, i'll say.

What are you doing, Victor?

If you had grilled the meat
it would be more tender.

Yes, more grilling leads to
peace on earth.

No, if you had grilled the meat
it would be more tender.

I'd be happy to have some more stew.
I don't have any limits anymore.

I shot a movie with
Ola Rapace last winter.

When Noomi was pregnant, he ate
with her and got really fat.

It's hard to imagine
a fat Ola Rapace.

He wasn't when we worked together.
Then he was very fit.

We've been drifting a bit.

You don't get jealous, do you?
-No, no.

Was there a little...?
-I think it's over.

Should we go now?
-Yes, it's starting to come.

I brought you a cake.
-No cakes. We can just go.

What did you tell Mickan?
-Not a word, I promise.

Then why is she looking so sour?
-I don't know.

What's going on?

What's going on?
-I can't hear you.

Disgusting! Did she think
that it wouldn't come out?

I really feel for Alex.

You think the girls are going to go for that?

What are you doing with the sandwich toaster?
-It's a toaster, not a barbecue.

Are you going to grill the chops in it?
-No, no, I'm not.

You don't grill in it.
For example, you do not grill waffles.

That's a sandwich grill. It will
if you put the chops in it.

It was a very strange atmosphere
on the boat yesterday. Didn't you think so?


It was aimed at me.

But it doesn't matter, Mickan and I
don't have much in common.

What should I say
when she starts saying

"Look what a good-looking
guccimucci I bought."

Stop! That's my best friend's wife
you're talking about.

But you must have noticed
what a weird atmosphere it was.

Maybe there's a reason for that,
don't you think?

What do I think?
What reason?

What would that be?

Can you tell me what it would be?
The reason?

I know I'm not the
father of the child.

I've accepted it.

I'll take care of the baby anyway.
-Alex, what are you talking about?

Filming in Sk?ne with Ola Rapace.
I understand how it happened.

It was winter and cold, you needed
male warmth. You were alone.

But what have you been up to?
Alone? A little male warmth?

It's okay, I get it.
I was at a dental congress last winter myself.

There was a girl named Jenny there.

I'm sorry I'm late.
-Don't worry, don't worry.

I also apologize for giving
you the wrong date of birth.

It's supposed to be August 24th.
I forgot the 2.

August 24th?
-That's right.

I hope you haven't canceled
too much on the 4th.

Don't you touch me!

Who the hell is Jenny? What are you talking about?
Tell us! We want to hear it.

We'd love to hear it.
-Let's get the test results first. Right?

Look, sweetheart.
Mom's delicious stew that you love.

Can I have a taste?

Do you groove your carrots?
-Yes... I do.

With what?
-The groove iron... groover.

This one's machine-made. You have purchased
baby food and put it in your own jar.

That's bad!
-Is it?

Your root mash isn't handmade either.
-That's so fucking terrible!

Root mash?
Today Kalle gets a meat fondue.

Agnes's already had lunch.
She gets flamb?ed peaches for a snack.

I'm a perfect mother too!

Hey, baby! Hey, Alex's the father.
Should we send flowers as an excuse?

What are you doing?
-I was hungry, but I'm out of bread.

I found an open sausage pack,
so I thought I'd grill them.

The steak goes bad tomorrow
and the peppers...

Can you hear yourself?
-I know, I know! I'm sick!

Look, I don't feel
particularly horny.

What do you mean?
We've talked about it.

Of course I get jealous when you
make out with Ola Rapace.

Without saying anything.
-You never ask me about my job.

And you don't ask about mine.
But I know that now.

You're whacking teeth.
I told you nothing happened.

I'm really disappointed in you.
How could you believe I was cheating on you?

I'm really sorry about this.
I screwed up.

Everything was too perfect.
I have the best girl in the world.

We're going to have a baby,
We've bought a villa and everything...

Then she says the wrong date. I knew
I couldn't have everything going for me.

I got more and more unsure.
-Do you have such bad self-esteem?

Yes, that's how bad my self-esteem is.

Googling "poor self-esteem",
you get a picture of me.


I can't believe you thought
that I could seduce Ola Rapace.

Do you know how good-looking his wife is?
-Do you know how good-looking you are?

And you seem to be horny
whenever we've been fighting.

Some reconciliation sex
isn't anything weird, is it?

But you have to make up
before you can have sex.

Reconciliation sex is the sex you have
when you're being reconciled.

Reconciliation first.
You don't put the cart before the horse.

Then it's normal sex.

That's when you're at it
after you made up.

Do you have to split up the kinds?

Reconciliation sex should be had
when you're in the process of ultrasound.

Why don't we try fucking?
Take off your panties.

I said take off your panties!

My wife decides everything at home.

Interior design, what wallpaper we should have,
furniture styles here and there.

Where we're going on vacation,
what clothes the kids should wear.

What kind of clothes
I should wear, too.

Grilling is the only thing
where I'm in control.

My Smeg 6133 is like
a mental free zone for me.

What kind of barbecue is that?
-A gas grill.

I use coal myself. Weber Ranch Kettle,
94 centimeters of barbecue surface.

If I had to choose, I'd say:
Yes, thank you, both.

But if you have to choose,
what do you do?

Coal is the real thing, I know that.

But sometimes you don't have time.
Coal takes time.