Social Distance (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - everything is v depressing rn - full transcript
- He's on me. I got him.
- I got hit.
All right. I got you.
You're all healed up.
-Got eyes on him?
-They're lurking. Any second now.
What the fuck?
I'm coming for you.
- Yeah!
- Holy shit, Mia! You're a god.
That was crack.
She totally saved your ass, Jake.
- I got lucky.
- Yo, stop cappin'.
- Jake got lucky.
- Caught with his pants down.
- Like Mr. Stevens in faculty lounge.
- That was a rumor.
- Dinopi saw it.
- Dinopi is full of shit.
Focus. Game ain't over yet.
- Shit! She iced me.
- I got you, Mia.
- It's high noon!
- Thanks.
Did you use your ult
to kill one player?
- Wow!
- What a dumpster.
- Boy's a simp!
- Yo, he was white-knighting Mia.
-No, he didn't.
-No, I didn't.
Hey, your simp sauce is dripping
from the trees, Jake.
Can I get a simp cocktail, please,
with a side of simp fried rice?
Burn!
- Group up, dickbags. One left.
- I see him.
What?! Oh, my God!
-That was incredible, Mia.
-Wow!
-Great game, Mia!
-Aww, thanks.
Wait till we post that.
Our channel is gonna be litty city.
All right. I'm finna dip.
My parents are making me go outside
for no reason.
-Okay, later Homo Simpson.
-Eat a dick.
Bye, Jake.
"Um… Bye, Jake."
Why are you the worst?
Dude, he white-knighted you.
Are you not, like, literally dying?
No, he didn't.
Yeah. Yes, yes, he did.
He clearly has a crush on you.
It's so obvi.
He has a girlfriend.
Um, you clearly have not seen
his Instagram story today.
You're the worst stalker I've ever met.
It's been on Insta for an hour.
♪ So come in, come in, come
I gotta get it♪
♪ Come in, come in, come
I gotta get it, get it, get it, get it… ♪
I knew something was up.
His shots were really off today.
I heard him tell Lee it was because
she convinced her parents
to let him come over during quar,
and then he decided to stay home and game.
Duh, does she not know
he's trying to get signed?
She's like a VSCO girl. Like,
she's too busy, like, saving the turtles.
Your E-girl is showing.
The point is that he's single now,
and he's clearly in love with you.
He doesn't see me like that.
We're teammates.
I'm sure he's only into white girls.
Come on, Mia.
You spent months learning how to play
as a supporting character
so Jake would let us on his team
because you were obsessed with him.
And now he's single,
and he's simping for you,
and you're too shook to do anything.
Like, are you even the main character
right now?
Why do you even care?
Because after all the hours I spent
listening to you talk about him,
I ship you guys.
Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do?
Post a cute selfie
or like a challenge or something?
I mean Kennedy Moran
is always posting selfies on TikTok,
and Jake is all up in her comments.
I am not doing that.
Why not?
Because I'm gross
and no one wants to see me dancing.
You're not gross, Mia.
-Well, I don't look like that.
-What? Like a super try-hard?
Besides, you're a way better dancer
than her anyway.
Do you remember
Rachel Limanski's Bat Mitzvah?
That was because I had Red Bull.
Anyway, if my mom found out I posted
a dance challenge, she would kill me.
Fine.
Then do some fucking sleuthing,
figure out how to get his attention.
Okay, I need to go sell my turnips.
Call me later.
♪ You ain't gotta make the choice now
No days, no days, no days, no days♪
♪ Aww, baby, you can have it both ways
Both ways, both ways, both ways ♪
- ♪ Any way that you want♪
- ♪ Yeah!♪
- ♪ Any way that you want… ♪
- ♪ Yeah!♪
How-- how do they do that?
♪ Like this♪
♪ I do it like that♪
♪ I can do it like this ♪
♪ I do it like that♪
♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on… ♪
"Best of the best."
Hi, Mom.
Pumpkin, are you hungry?
I'll pick up dinner on the way home.
No, thanks. I had some Pockys.
That's no dinner. That's not even food!
Have you finished your homework?
Almost.
Well, stop messing around
on the Internet and finish,
otherwise I'm unplugging it.
Okay. I will.
I'll be home in a bit.
Bro, what the hell did you just post?
Are you, like, a sports dude now?
Jake just messaged me.
What?!
Yeah!
What-- what did he say? What did he say?
"Didn't know you fucked with Messi."
Yeah, neither did I. So, here we are.
Because I don't. I only posted that
to get his attention like you said.
-I didn't think it would actually work.
-What are you gonna say?
I don't know.
I don't know anything about soccer!
First of all, start calling it "football."
Second of all, you have to say something.
Okay. Uh…
"Hundo P. He's my fave."
What's he saying?
Something about Ronald.
Who's Ronald?
Like I would know? Google it.
"They should check the scoreboards.
The numbers speak for themselves."
"Duh. His flow is fire.
Low-key best rapper alive in my opinion."
Can you, like, share your screen
or something? Because I'm dying over here.
He just asked for my Snap.
Are you shitting me? Oh, my God.
"It's Mia Mario."
Oh, my God, he's snapping me.
I need to focus. I'll call you back.
No, no. I need details. You know I--
Hey.
Hey. LOL.
Check it.
Drip, drip, Messi kid.
That's so fire.
I know. My mom got it for me.
She's worried I'm gonna be depressed.
LOL.
Why?
I guess because there's no school,
and we're trapped,
and people are dying. LOL.
Everything's
very depressing right now.
♪ I wanna touch you
But don't wanna be weird♪
♪ It's such a rush
I'm thinking "wish you were here…" ♪
Just kidding.
To be honest, I'm not depressed at all.
I'm actually glad school's canceled.
I need the time to practice.
True.
Great game today, by the way.
You too.
You've improved. A lot.
Thank you.
So do you think we'll qualify
for the tournament?
♪ Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch♪
♪ I could be your crush
Crush, crush, crush, crush ♪
♪ I've got a frustration… ♪
Question mark.
♪ Making me feel like you're on my island
You're my permanent vacation…♪
Okay. Bye, LOL.
♪ I could be your crush
Crush, crush, crush, crush… ♪
♪ I fill my calendar with stuff I can do♪
♪ Maybe if I'm busy it could keep me
From you-- ♪
♪ This one here for my kinfolk♪
♪ Don't talk too much
They hush with the in-folk♪
♪ This one here for my kinfolk♪
♪ Don't talk too much
They hush with the in-folk♪
♪ This one here for--
-Are you guys engaged yet?
-Not quite.
♪ This one here for my kinfolk… ♪
Ohhh!
He's probably just trying
to make Sydney jealous.
Or I was right, and he's not into me,
and I've been kidding myself
this whole time.
-Mia.
-Look at her.
Okay. Uh…
Look at you. Right?
I mean, you're smart and funny and pretty,
and you're great with a rifle
at medium range.
Well, he ghosted me, so…
Don't let this Becky bother you like that.
I've seen you pull off bigger wins.
Do you remember that game last week
when you had, like, crazy lag,
and you still owned?
You can do this.
You just have to show Jake
what he's missing, right?
I mean, remember, chin down,
exhale through the mouth.
Snap.
♪Things changed
Since I last saw my friends ♪
♪ I don't know what it is♪
♪ But now it seems that all
We ever have to talk about is how ♪
♪ How's life since graduation?
You still doing music, right?♪
♪ Now we should lay some time for drinks
And have us conversations♪
♪ Thumbing through my phone books
And my rosaries ♪
♪ Look at all these faces
That got over me, aww! ♪
♪ I can't control myself
You're making me anxious♪
♪ I feel like everybody knows
That I'm faking♪
♪ Half of my friends stay addicted
To substance♪
♪ But really ain't got no substance…♪
Hey, sorry.
My parents made me walk my dog.
Nice. How was it?
He barely peed.
So dumb. What are you doing?
Literally nothing, LOL. You?
Dicking around on VR chat.
Oh, my God, I love VR chat.
You play?
Yeah, I like to build stuff on there.
Been working on a campsite,
to get away during quar.
That sounds dope.
Can I come see it?
Yeah.
I mean, it's dumb, but sure. LOL.
Hi, welcome to Chili's.
Dude, I need your help.
Jake wants to meet up in VR chat.
Shut up!
I'm serious.
He wants to come to the campsite.
I need you to help me pick my avatar.
Okay, okay.
I'll meet you in the hub.
-'Sup?
-Wow! Chaotic much?
It's for climate change awareness.
So, vibe check?
Hmm. I don't know.
Anime chicks always creep me out.
They look like sexy babies.
Okay, what about this one?
What about the one that looks like you?
That's who he's interested in.
This one?
It's kind of basic.
It's much better. Trust me.
Oh, God. He just friend requested me.
You got this. Just promise me you won't
wuss out and you'll tell him how you feel.
I will. I promise.
Thank you, Riley. For everything.
I got you, boo.
- I'm gonna check out Gabe's open mic night.
- So hit me up after.
- Jake.
- What up?
Wow. That is… wow.
Too much?
Here, give me a sec.
-Better?
-Nice jersey.
Thanks. This place is really cool, Mia.
Thanks.
Riley and I have been coming here
since quar started.
Kind of my happy place.
Yeah, well, it's dope.
I brought you something.
-Oh, my God!
-I know you like cats, so…
I love it.
Hey, you want to see something
kind of lame, but also kind of cool?
Dude, this is amazing.
How did you do all this?
I was bored one day.
It's really pretty.
I miss camping IRL.
I've never been.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I always wanted to though.
That's why I built this place.
We should go sometime.
Uh, when COVID's over.
This is cool though, in the meantime.
Should we take a selfie for the gram?
Sure. Here, follow me.
We can use this mirror.
Say cheese.
- Send that to me?
- For sure.
Can I tell you something?
What's up?
So…
I know this is probably totally weird
or whatever.
And I know we're, like, teammates and all.
But I've kind of had a crush on you
for a while.
That's hilarious.
Because I was…
literally about to say
the same thing to you.
For real?
To be honest,
I don't even like Overwatch anymore.
I only play it so I can see you.
Do you hear me calling?
Sorry, I had my headphones in.
Still playing video games?
Enough!
No, wait!! Please I'll--
Come on. Come on.
Yeah!
Where have you been?
I've been worried sick
thinking you got abducted
by Russian hackers.
Are you okay? What's wrong?
Turns out he's an asshole.
Look, Mia…
Don't even worry about fuck boy Jake.
Right?
I mean, there's obviously so much
more important things going on
in the world now.
What do you mean?
Have you not been online at all today?
No, why?
Look at your feed.
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- I got hit.
All right. I got you.
You're all healed up.
-Got eyes on him?
-They're lurking. Any second now.
What the fuck?
I'm coming for you.
- Yeah!
- Holy shit, Mia! You're a god.
That was crack.
She totally saved your ass, Jake.
- I got lucky.
- Yo, stop cappin'.
- Jake got lucky.
- Caught with his pants down.
- Like Mr. Stevens in faculty lounge.
- That was a rumor.
- Dinopi saw it.
- Dinopi is full of shit.
Focus. Game ain't over yet.
- Shit! She iced me.
- I got you, Mia.
- It's high noon!
- Thanks.
Did you use your ult
to kill one player?
- Wow!
- What a dumpster.
- Boy's a simp!
- Yo, he was white-knighting Mia.
-No, he didn't.
-No, I didn't.
Hey, your simp sauce is dripping
from the trees, Jake.
Can I get a simp cocktail, please,
with a side of simp fried rice?
Burn!
- Group up, dickbags. One left.
- I see him.
What?! Oh, my God!
-That was incredible, Mia.
-Wow!
-Great game, Mia!
-Aww, thanks.
Wait till we post that.
Our channel is gonna be litty city.
All right. I'm finna dip.
My parents are making me go outside
for no reason.
-Okay, later Homo Simpson.
-Eat a dick.
Bye, Jake.
"Um… Bye, Jake."
Why are you the worst?
Dude, he white-knighted you.
Are you not, like, literally dying?
No, he didn't.
Yeah. Yes, yes, he did.
He clearly has a crush on you.
It's so obvi.
He has a girlfriend.
Um, you clearly have not seen
his Instagram story today.
You're the worst stalker I've ever met.
It's been on Insta for an hour.
♪ So come in, come in, come
I gotta get it♪
♪ Come in, come in, come
I gotta get it, get it, get it, get it… ♪
I knew something was up.
His shots were really off today.
I heard him tell Lee it was because
she convinced her parents
to let him come over during quar,
and then he decided to stay home and game.
Duh, does she not know
he's trying to get signed?
She's like a VSCO girl. Like,
she's too busy, like, saving the turtles.
Your E-girl is showing.
The point is that he's single now,
and he's clearly in love with you.
He doesn't see me like that.
We're teammates.
I'm sure he's only into white girls.
Come on, Mia.
You spent months learning how to play
as a supporting character
so Jake would let us on his team
because you were obsessed with him.
And now he's single,
and he's simping for you,
and you're too shook to do anything.
Like, are you even the main character
right now?
Why do you even care?
Because after all the hours I spent
listening to you talk about him,
I ship you guys.
Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do?
Post a cute selfie
or like a challenge or something?
I mean Kennedy Moran
is always posting selfies on TikTok,
and Jake is all up in her comments.
I am not doing that.
Why not?
Because I'm gross
and no one wants to see me dancing.
You're not gross, Mia.
-Well, I don't look like that.
-What? Like a super try-hard?
Besides, you're a way better dancer
than her anyway.
Do you remember
Rachel Limanski's Bat Mitzvah?
That was because I had Red Bull.
Anyway, if my mom found out I posted
a dance challenge, she would kill me.
Fine.
Then do some fucking sleuthing,
figure out how to get his attention.
Okay, I need to go sell my turnips.
Call me later.
♪ You ain't gotta make the choice now
No days, no days, no days, no days♪
♪ Aww, baby, you can have it both ways
Both ways, both ways, both ways ♪
- ♪ Any way that you want♪
- ♪ Yeah!♪
- ♪ Any way that you want… ♪
- ♪ Yeah!♪
How-- how do they do that?
♪ Like this♪
♪ I do it like that♪
♪ I can do it like this ♪
♪ I do it like that♪
♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on… ♪
"Best of the best."
Hi, Mom.
Pumpkin, are you hungry?
I'll pick up dinner on the way home.
No, thanks. I had some Pockys.
That's no dinner. That's not even food!
Have you finished your homework?
Almost.
Well, stop messing around
on the Internet and finish,
otherwise I'm unplugging it.
Okay. I will.
I'll be home in a bit.
Bro, what the hell did you just post?
Are you, like, a sports dude now?
Jake just messaged me.
What?!
Yeah!
What-- what did he say? What did he say?
"Didn't know you fucked with Messi."
Yeah, neither did I. So, here we are.
Because I don't. I only posted that
to get his attention like you said.
-I didn't think it would actually work.
-What are you gonna say?
I don't know.
I don't know anything about soccer!
First of all, start calling it "football."
Second of all, you have to say something.
Okay. Uh…
"Hundo P. He's my fave."
What's he saying?
Something about Ronald.
Who's Ronald?
Like I would know? Google it.
"They should check the scoreboards.
The numbers speak for themselves."
"Duh. His flow is fire.
Low-key best rapper alive in my opinion."
Can you, like, share your screen
or something? Because I'm dying over here.
He just asked for my Snap.
Are you shitting me? Oh, my God.
"It's Mia Mario."
Oh, my God, he's snapping me.
I need to focus. I'll call you back.
No, no. I need details. You know I--
Hey.
Hey. LOL.
Check it.
Drip, drip, Messi kid.
That's so fire.
I know. My mom got it for me.
She's worried I'm gonna be depressed.
LOL.
Why?
I guess because there's no school,
and we're trapped,
and people are dying. LOL.
Everything's
very depressing right now.
♪ I wanna touch you
But don't wanna be weird♪
♪ It's such a rush
I'm thinking "wish you were here…" ♪
Just kidding.
To be honest, I'm not depressed at all.
I'm actually glad school's canceled.
I need the time to practice.
True.
Great game today, by the way.
You too.
You've improved. A lot.
Thank you.
So do you think we'll qualify
for the tournament?
♪ Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch♪
♪ I could be your crush
Crush, crush, crush, crush ♪
♪ I've got a frustration… ♪
Question mark.
♪ Making me feel like you're on my island
You're my permanent vacation…♪
Okay. Bye, LOL.
♪ I could be your crush
Crush, crush, crush, crush… ♪
♪ I fill my calendar with stuff I can do♪
♪ Maybe if I'm busy it could keep me
From you-- ♪
♪ This one here for my kinfolk♪
♪ Don't talk too much
They hush with the in-folk♪
♪ This one here for my kinfolk♪
♪ Don't talk too much
They hush with the in-folk♪
♪ This one here for--
-Are you guys engaged yet?
-Not quite.
♪ This one here for my kinfolk… ♪
Ohhh!
He's probably just trying
to make Sydney jealous.
Or I was right, and he's not into me,
and I've been kidding myself
this whole time.
-Mia.
-Look at her.
Okay. Uh…
Look at you. Right?
I mean, you're smart and funny and pretty,
and you're great with a rifle
at medium range.
Well, he ghosted me, so…
Don't let this Becky bother you like that.
I've seen you pull off bigger wins.
Do you remember that game last week
when you had, like, crazy lag,
and you still owned?
You can do this.
You just have to show Jake
what he's missing, right?
I mean, remember, chin down,
exhale through the mouth.
Snap.
♪Things changed
Since I last saw my friends ♪
♪ I don't know what it is♪
♪ But now it seems that all
We ever have to talk about is how ♪
♪ How's life since graduation?
You still doing music, right?♪
♪ Now we should lay some time for drinks
And have us conversations♪
♪ Thumbing through my phone books
And my rosaries ♪
♪ Look at all these faces
That got over me, aww! ♪
♪ I can't control myself
You're making me anxious♪
♪ I feel like everybody knows
That I'm faking♪
♪ Half of my friends stay addicted
To substance♪
♪ But really ain't got no substance…♪
Hey, sorry.
My parents made me walk my dog.
Nice. How was it?
He barely peed.
So dumb. What are you doing?
Literally nothing, LOL. You?
Dicking around on VR chat.
Oh, my God, I love VR chat.
You play?
Yeah, I like to build stuff on there.
Been working on a campsite,
to get away during quar.
That sounds dope.
Can I come see it?
Yeah.
I mean, it's dumb, but sure. LOL.
Hi, welcome to Chili's.
Dude, I need your help.
Jake wants to meet up in VR chat.
Shut up!
I'm serious.
He wants to come to the campsite.
I need you to help me pick my avatar.
Okay, okay.
I'll meet you in the hub.
-'Sup?
-Wow! Chaotic much?
It's for climate change awareness.
So, vibe check?
Hmm. I don't know.
Anime chicks always creep me out.
They look like sexy babies.
Okay, what about this one?
What about the one that looks like you?
That's who he's interested in.
This one?
It's kind of basic.
It's much better. Trust me.
Oh, God. He just friend requested me.
You got this. Just promise me you won't
wuss out and you'll tell him how you feel.
I will. I promise.
Thank you, Riley. For everything.
I got you, boo.
- I'm gonna check out Gabe's open mic night.
- So hit me up after.
- Jake.
- What up?
Wow. That is… wow.
Too much?
Here, give me a sec.
-Better?
-Nice jersey.
Thanks. This place is really cool, Mia.
Thanks.
Riley and I have been coming here
since quar started.
Kind of my happy place.
Yeah, well, it's dope.
I brought you something.
-Oh, my God!
-I know you like cats, so…
I love it.
Hey, you want to see something
kind of lame, but also kind of cool?
Dude, this is amazing.
How did you do all this?
I was bored one day.
It's really pretty.
I miss camping IRL.
I've never been.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I always wanted to though.
That's why I built this place.
We should go sometime.
Uh, when COVID's over.
This is cool though, in the meantime.
Should we take a selfie for the gram?
Sure. Here, follow me.
We can use this mirror.
Say cheese.
- Send that to me?
- For sure.
Can I tell you something?
What's up?
So…
I know this is probably totally weird
or whatever.
And I know we're, like, teammates and all.
But I've kind of had a crush on you
for a while.
That's hilarious.
Because I was…
literally about to say
the same thing to you.
For real?
To be honest,
I don't even like Overwatch anymore.
I only play it so I can see you.
Do you hear me calling?
Sorry, I had my headphones in.
Still playing video games?
Enough!
No, wait!! Please I'll--
Come on. Come on.
Yeah!
Where have you been?
I've been worried sick
thinking you got abducted
by Russian hackers.
Are you okay? What's wrong?
Turns out he's an asshole.
Look, Mia…
Don't even worry about fuck boy Jake.
Right?
I mean, there's obviously so much
more important things going on
in the world now.
What do you mean?
Have you not been online at all today?
No, why?
Look at your feed.
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!
- Say his name!
- George Floyd!