Soap (1977–1981): Season 1, Episode 21 - Episode #1.21 - full transcript

IN LAST WEEK'S EPISODE
OF SOAP,

ELAINE TOLD DANNY

THAT IF HE TRIED TO PUT AN END
TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP,

SHE WOULD HAVE HER FATHER
PUT AN END TO DANNY.

BURT ENDED UP AGREEING
TO GO TO AN INSTITUTION

WHERE HE CAN HOPEFULLY
PUT AN END

TO HIS INVISIBILITY.

MEANWHILE, JESSICA
MIGHT END UP BEHIND BARS,

SINCE THE JUDGE
SHE'S ENDED UP WITH

ONCE INVESTED AND LOST
$40,000 WITH CHESTER.

CONFUSED?



YOU WON'T BE AFTER
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF...

THIS IS THE STORY
OF 2 SISTERS,

JESSICA TATE

AND MARY CAMPBELL.

THESE ARE THE TATES.

AND THESE ARE THE CAMPBELLS.

AND THIS IS...

YOU SON OF A...

GO!

BOYS. BOYS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
DANNY'S BRINGING HOME
A GIRL.

I'M A NERVOUS WRECK.

MARY, WHAT ARE YOU
NERVOUS ABOUT?

LISTEN, A GUY
BRINGS HOME A GIRL,



IT'S IMPORTANT.
IT'S SERIOUS.

I... I DON'T KNOW.

I USED TO BRING THEM HOME
BECAUSE I COULDN'T PAY
FOR DINNER.

I HOPE SHE LIKES US.

I HOPE SHE'S NICE.
OH, GOD, I'M NERVOUS.

MARY, MARY, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'VE GOT THIS ALL WRONG.

SHE'S THE ONE
BEING BROUGHT HOME.

SHE'S SUPPOSED
TO BE NERVOUS, NOT YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M NOT BEING LOOKED OVER.
I'M DOING THE LOOKING OVER.

RIGHT.

I'M THE ONE THAT HAS
TO LIKE HER.

RIGHT.

THEN WHY AM I SO NERVOUS?

HMM, BEATS ME.

DARLING,
THERE IS ONE THING.

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY
SOMEONE DANNY LIKES A LOT.

SOMEONE SPECIAL,
YOU KNOW?

SO I THINK WE OUGHT TO GET
TO KNOW HER A LITTLE LONGER

BEFORE WE SPRING
CERTAIN THINGS ON HER.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE IF YOU GET THE URGE
TO BECOME INVISIBLE,
FOR EXAMPLE.

I THINK THAT YOU OUGHT
TO GET TO KNOW HER

BEFORE YOU LET HER
SEE YOU DO THAT.

WELL, WELL,
YEAH, OF COURSE.

YOU KNOW, I SUPPOSE
I SHOULDN'T TELL HER

ABOUT BEING COMMITTED
NEXT WEEK EITHER.

OH, IT'S THEM. IT'S THEM!

JEEZ!

HI!

MARY...

BURT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OPEN THE DOOR.

MARY, I HATE TO BE THE ONE
TO TELL YOU THIS.

BUT IT'S A GUY.

WHAT?

IT MUST BE CONTAGIOUS.
DANNY'S AS GAY AS JODIE.

HE'S WITH A GUY.

BURT, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OPEN THE DOOR.

OK. THEN YOU'LL SEE.
NOW, ALL RIGHT,
JUST DON'T SCREAM.

I'M RUNNING FRUIT CITY.

HEY, YOU FRUITCAKE.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

BURT, BURT,
TAKE IT EASY.

HE'S A BODYGUARD.
WHAT?

YEAH, YOU SEE,
ELAINE'S FATHER, UH,

HE WORRIES ABOUT HER,
SO SHE HAS A BODYGUARD.

AND I THOUGHT I WAS
OVERPROTECTIVE.

UH, DO WE GET TO MEET HER
OR DOES SHE JUST WAVE
FROM THE CAR?

NO, NO.
SHE'LL BE RIGHT IN.

DANNY, HAVE YOU
SLEPT WITH HER YET?

OH!

I MEAN, BECAUSE WHEN
YOU DO, WHAT HAPPENS
WITH THE GORILLA?

UH, ELAINE,

THIS IS MY MOTHER,
MARY CAMPBELL.

HI!

THIS IS MY STEP-DAD,
BURT CAMPBELL.

HELLO.
MOM, DAD,

THIS IS ELAINE LEFKOWITZ.

JEWISH.

WHAT OF IT?

NOTHING. I... I LOVE
JEWISH PEOPLE.

ELAINE, COME IN,
COME IN, SIT DOWN.

DANNY, JEWISH?
SO?

YOU DON'T KNOW
ABOUT JEWISH GIRLS?
THEY'RE HOT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE YOURSELF
A LOT OF FUN HERE,
IF YOU AREN'T ALREADY.

SO, COME ON, TELL ME, UH,
HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

WELL, HE BROKE IN
THROUGH MY BEDROOM.

BOY, YOU JEWS GOT
THE GREATEST SENSE OF HUMOR.

IT'S THE TRUTH.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD THING
YOU'RE HERE TONIGHT,

BECAUSE NEXT WEEK BURT'S
GONNA BE COMMITTED.

HE THINKS HE CAN
MAKE HIMSELF INVISIBLE.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FAMILY
BEFORE MARRYING INTO IT.

HI, EVERYBODY.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

WHAT IS HE,
SOME KIND OF WEIRDO?

I DON'T KNOW.

G-G-GET YOUR HANDS
OFF ME, YOU GOON!

SEE THAT? HE THINKS
THAT DOLL IS REAL.

AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
SOMETIMES, SO DO I.

HE'S NUTS.

HE'S MY SON.

HE'S STILL NUTS.

SEE, MISS...

HEY, DO I GET TO MEET
THE BIMBO OR WHAT?

ELAINE, THIS IS CHUCK
AND BOB.

GUYS, THIS IS
ELAINE LEFKOWITZ.

HI.

HI. NICE COAT.
YOUR FOLKS POLAR BEARS?

THROW HER A FISH,
MAYBE SHE'LL DO A TRICK!

CUTE, HUH?

HI.

DANNY, FOR ME?
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!

HI! DON'T YOU THINK
WE SHOULD TALK FIRST?

IS THAT ELAINE?
THAT'S HER.

ELAINE, THIS IS JODIE.

JODIE, THIS IS
ELAINE LEFKOWITZ.

HI, JODIE.

HI.

JODIE'S A FRUIT.

WELL, HEY,
WHOSE FAMILY'S PERFECT?

MY FATHER'S A GANGSTER.

YOUR FATHER'S A GANGSTER?

HER FATHER'S A GANGSTER.

HEY, YOUR SON IS A FRUIT!

HE'S NOT MY SON.
HE'S MY SON.

WELL, HE'S CRAZY.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.
I'VE HAD IT. I'M LEAVING.

NOW HE'S INVISIBLE.

OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS A ZOO!

SO, UH, YOU WANT
TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?

HEY, CUTIE,
WANT TO MESS AROUND?

EXCUSE ME.

CAN I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

I AM SURE DANNY CALLED
AND TOLD YOU ALL

TO ACT AS STRANGE
AS POSSIBLE.

WELL, I'M AFRAID
YOU'VE OVERSOLD IT.

NO FAMILY CAN
BE THIS CRAZY.

SO, LIKE IT OR NOT,
DANNY'S LITTLE TRICK
DIDN'T WORK

AND WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD
WITH OUR PLANS.

WHAT PLANS?

OH, WELL, YOU SEE, MA,
IT'S, UH, AHEM, UH...

DANNY AND I

ARE GETTING MARRIED.

OH, WONDERFUL.

HE'LL GET A BLOOD TEST
AND THE BEAR
WILL GET A RABIES SHOT.

I DON'T KNOW, FATHER.

I JUST DON'T THINK
THIS RETREAT IS WORKING.

I MEAN, I STILL
THINK ABOUT HER.

IN FACT, I THINK
I THINK ABOUT HER MORE HERE

THAN I DID BACK HOME.

BUT THAT COULD BE
BECAUSE I NEED SOMETHING

TO KEEP MY MIND
OFF THIS COLD.

LISTEN, I KNOW
WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO ASK FOR SIGNS.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO
ON FAITH.

BUT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN
GIVE ME A SIGN ANYWAY?

I MEAN, JUST SOMETHING
TO LET ME KNOW
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

TIM?

MY GOD!
IS THIS THE SIGN?

TIM!

CORINNE!

CORINNE, HOW DID
YOU GET HERE?

NO ONE CAN GET HERE!

THE PLACE
IS TOTALLY ISOLATED!

WELL, IT WASN'T EASY,
LET ME TELL YOU.

I HAD TO HIRE AN INDIAN GUIDE
TO HELP ME UP THE MOUNTAIN,

AND HALFWAY UP, HE QUIT.

IT'S BELOW ZERO OUT THERE.

IT'S BELOW ZERO IN HERE.

TIM, IS THIS WHERE YOU LIVE?

YES. CORINNE,
YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.

YOU CAN'T STAY HERE EITHER.
IT'S FREEZING.

NOW THERE'S A BEAUTIFUL HOTEL
DOWN THE MOUNTAIN IN BANFF.

YOU'LL LOVE IT.
THERE'S FIREPLACES

AND ROOM SERVICE.

LET'S GO, TIM.

CORINNE, I... I CAME HERE
FOR A REASON, REMEMBER?

TO FORGET YOU.

HAVE YOU?

NO.

GOOD.

FATHER TIM...

OH, IT'S A VISION.

FATHER TIM, A VISION! OH!

CORINNE,
GET OUT OF HERE.

IN ONE MINUTE,
THAT GUY'S GONNA BE
ON THE PHONE WITH ROME

AND THEY'LL DECLARE
A NEW SAINT.
NOW, GO!

GO?

AFTER WHAT I WENT THROUGH
TO GET UP HERE?

YOU THINK IT WAS EASY?

I MEAN, I BUY A NEW OUTFIT,

AND... AND I TRAVEL
TO ANOTHER COUNTRY,

AND THEN WITH MY HISTORY
OF DIZZY SPELLS,

I CLIMB A MOUNTAIN
WITH AN INDIAN

WHO HAS NOT SEEN
A WOMAN IN 3 YEARS.

AND I FINALLY GET HERE
AND YOU SAY, "GO"?

FORGET IT!
YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF
A ROOMMATE.

LISTEN, CORINNE,

I CAME UP HERE
TO GET OVER YOU.

BUT IT'S NOT WORKING.

BUT I HAVE TO SEE IT THROUGH.
I HAVE TO FINISH IT.

SO PLEASE, GO,
AND I'LL SEE YOU
WHEN I'M DONE.

IT'S NOT WORKING?

NO?

SHE SMILES.

I'M A PRIEST, PROBABLY
IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN,

AND SHE SMILES!

IN LOVE?

CORINNE, PLEASE, GO.

OK.

NO! NO, THE WAY YOU CAME.

OK.

HURRY.

BUT I'LL BE DOWN
AT THAT HOTEL.

SHE WAS HERE. SHE WAS!

IT WAS A VISION,
RIGHT, FATHER TIM?

SHE WAS A VISION, ALL RIGHT.

BUT SHE'S GONE NOW.

UH, THE LORD GIVETH.
THE LORD TAKETH AWAY.

YES.

MAYBE I'VE BEEN
ON THE MOUNTAIN TOO LONG.

WELL, I'VE NEVER BEEN
SO EMBARRASSED IN ALL MY LIFE.

WHY?

TO HAVE TO CALL
SHERIFF TINKLER

TO REPORT YOUR
FATHER'S DISAPPEARANCE

THE VERY MORNING
THAT YOU'RE TO GO ON TRIAL
FOR MURDER?

IT'S INSANE WHAT'S HAPPENING
TO THIS FAMILY.

I KNOW.

WE CERTAINLY ARE HAVING
OUR RUN OF BAD LUCK.

AS IF ALL THAT
WASN'T BAD ENOUGH,

THE NEW TIE
THAT I WAS GOING TO WEAR
THIS MORNING,

IT'S MISSING.

WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE
TOLD SHERIFF TINKLER
ABOUT THAT, TOO,

AND WHILE HE'S LOOKING
FOR DADDY, HE COULD LOOK
FOR YOUR TIE.

JESSICA!
HUH?

WELL, I'VE CHECKED AROUND
AND NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS
HAVE SEEN GRANDPA.

SOME SAY THEY HOPE
THEY NEVER DO

AND 3 SAY IF THEY SEE HIM,
THEY'LL KILL HIM.

JESSICA, WHEN YOUR FATHER
LEFT LAST NIGHT,

DID HE SAY WHERE HE WAS GOING?

OH, CHESTER, YOU KNOW
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHERE HE SAYS HE'S GOING.

YOU REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME HE SAID
HE WAS GOING FOR A WALK,

AND HE OVERPOWERED
THE DRIVER OF THAT
LOWENBRAU BEER TRUCK

AND CLAIMED IT FOR AMERICA?

WELL, MAYBE BENSON KNOWS
WHERE HE IS.

WHERE'S BENSON?

MOTHER, IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE WEARING TO COURT?

WELL, YES.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT DRESS.

I MEAN, I THINK WHAT YOU WANT
TO DO IS WEAR A COLOR

THAT'S THE MOST SYMPATHETIC
TO THE JURY.

UH, JESSICA, WHERE'S BENSON?

BLACK SHOULD DO IT.
I MEAN, WIDOWS WEAR
BLACK TO FUNERALS,

AND LOOK HOW MUCH
SYMPATHY THEY GET.

NO, I THINK BLACK
IS TOO DEPRESSING.

EUNICE. JESSICA. BENSON!

WHAT ABOUT BENSON, DEAR?

WHERE IS HE?

I DON'T KNOW, CHESTER.

PERHAPS HE'S WITH DADDY
AND YOUR NEW TIE.

BENSON, WHERE'S THE MAJOR?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO KNOW?

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, BENSON.
THANK YOU.

BENSON, YOU KNOW
THE MAJOR GETS IN TROUBLE.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WATCH HIM.

UH-UH-UH-UH-UH-UH, IT
AIN'T MY JOB TO WATCH HIM.

NOW THE ONLY THING
I GOT TO WATCH AROUND HERE
IS WHAT'S COOKING IN MY OVEN.

YOU WANT ME TO WATCH HIM,
YOU PUT HIM ON A PLATTER

WITH A LOT OF LITTLE
POTATOES AROUND.

YOU KNOW, JESSICA,
IT'S A GOOD THING
I'M NOT A BIGOT,

BECAUSE IF I WERE,
I COULD SAY A FEW THINGS
RIGHT HERE.

LIKE WHAT?

BEIGE.
YOU SHOULD WEAR BEIGE.

BEIGE IS THE PERFECT
COLOR, MOTHER.

BENSON, I THINK
I TIED THIS WRONG.

THAT'S MY TIE!

THAT'S RIGHT.
SEE, I DON'T HAVE
ONE OF MY OWN,

SO I ASKED BENSON
TO PICK ONE OF YOURS
THAT WOULD BE SUITABLE.

YOU GAVE HIM MY NEW TIE?

HOW ABOUT THAT.

HE CAN'T WEAR THAT.
I'M WEARING THAT.

IT'S ALL YOURS.

MAJOR, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

HI, GRAMPS.

DADDY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

CHESTER, HE'S NOT ANSWERING.

I CAN SEE THAT, JESSICA.

BUT HE IS SMILING,
SO WHEREVER HE'S BEEN,
IT WAS NICE.

I THINK I AM IN LOVE.

CHESTER, DADDY'S GOT
A GIRLFRIEND.

OH.

WHERE DID YOU MEET HER, DADDY?

I MET HER IN THE CEMETERY.

I GO TO SEE
MY OLD FRIENDS THERE.

I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS THERE,
AND THERE SHE WAS!

SHEEBA FIFER.

THAT'S HER NAME,
AND I'M IN LOVE WITH HER.

SHEEBA FIFER.

SHEEBA FIFER.

I DON'T THINK
I KNOW THE FAMILY.

WHERE DID YOU SPEND THE NIGHT?

COLONEL, AS AN OFFICER
AND A GENTLEMAN,

YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN ASK
THAT QUESTION.

THIS IS THE REAL THING.
THIS IS IT.

I HAVEN'T FELT
LIKE THIS

SINCE MY DEAR, DEPARTED,
BELOVED WIFE.

WHOEVER SHE WAS.

BENSON!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I NEED YOU UP HERE!

JESSICA, COME ON OUT OF THERE.

JESSICA, THIS
IS A MURDER TRIAL.

IT'S NOT A PARTY
WHERE IT'S CHIC TO BE LATE.

I'M NOT GOING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE NOT?

I'M NOT GOING.
YOU'RE NOT GOING AT ALL?

I'M NOT GOING AT ALL.
I SEE.

YOU KNOW THEY'LL
PUT YOU IN JAIL
FOR THIS, JESSICA.

JESSICA, I'M NOT GOING TO
LET YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

WELL, I'LL HAVE TO
BREAK DOWN THE DOOR.

STAND BACK, JESS,
BECAUSE THE WOOD
IS GOING TO FLY!

NICE WORK, CLINT.

OH!

GOOD SOLID DOOR.

THEY DON'T MAKE DOORS
LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

WHEN ARE WE GOING?

AS SOON AS I CAN
GET YOUR MOTHER OUT
OF THE BATHROOM.

BENSON, I WANT YOU
TO GO DOWNSTAIRS,

GET A LADDER, GO UP...

GO UP ON THE ROOF
AND THROUGH THE WINDOW.

IS HE TALKING TO ME?

WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?

I AIN'T GOING UP ON NO ROOF!

YOU GO UP ON THE ROOF.
I'LL DO IT.

NO, YOU WON'T.
OH, COME ON!

THE LAST TIME
YOU WERE UP ON THE ROOF,

YOU SPENT THE SUMMER
IN TRACTION.

I AIN'T GOIN' UP
ON THE ROOF AND
NEITHER ARE YOU.

WE'VE GOT TO GET HER
OUT OF THERE.

SO, YOU GO UP THERE.

WELL, BENSON,
DON'T YOU THINK
I WOULD IF I COULD?

NO.

WELL, I CAN'T.
I GET NOSE BLEEDS.

NOSE BLEEDS?

I'LL GIVE YOU
A NOSE BLEED.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL DO IT.

NO, BENSON.

I DON'T WANT YOU
CLIMBING ON THAT ROOF.
IT'S DANGEROUS.

WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE TO
GO UP ON THE ROOF

IF YOU DON'T GET
OUTTA THERE.

SO IF I GO UP THERE
AND BREAK MY NECK,
IT'LL BE ON YOUR HEAD.

THANK YOU.

DON'T BE AFRAID, JESS.

YOU WON'T BE FOUND GUILTY.
MALLU IS THE BEST.

OH, I KNOW THAT, CHESTER.

AND I'M...

I'M NOT REALLY
AFRAID OF THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

WELL, I CAN'T TELL YOU.
YOU'D THINK I'M CRAZY.

NO, I WON'T.

I'M AFRAID FOR THE TRIAL
TO BE OVER.

WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY...

WHY, JESS?

BECAUSE IT'S BROUGHT US
CLOSE TOGETHER.

WE'RE CLOSE NOW, CHESTER.
WE TALK, WE LAUGH,
WE DRINK WINE.

WE SPEND OUR EVENINGS TOGETHER
AND OUR WEEKENDS TOGETHER.

IT'S BEEN JUST LIKE
A HONEYMOON, CHESTER.

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
IT USUALLY HAPPENS, JESS.

IT GENERALLY TAKES A CRISIS
TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER.

BUT IT'S JUST
BEEN SO WONDERFUL,
I DON'T WANT IT TO END.

I'M AFRAID THAT, WHEN
THE TRIAL'S OVER, IT WILL.

BUT WHY?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
IF I'M FOUND INNOCENT,

THEN THE CRISIS WILL BE OVER,

AND WE'LL JUST GO BACK
TO BEING STRANGERS.

AND IF I'M FOUND GUILTY,
IT WILL DEFINITELY BE OVER

BECAUSE I'LL BE ON DEATH ROW.

THAT WON'T HAPPEN, JESS.
I WON'T LET IT. I PROMISE.

REALLY, CHESTER?
REALLY, JESS.

OH!

HELLO, I'M CAROL DAVID,
MR. MALLU'S ASSISTANT.

AND YOU ARE?

UH, MARY CAMPBELL.
THIS IS MY HUSBAND, BURT.

OH, THANK YOU.

AND YOU?

DANNY.

RIGHT.

AND, UH...
CHUCK.

CHUCK.
AND BOB.

AND YOU'RE JODIE?

YOU SOUND SURPRISED.

YOU'RE THE SUICIDAL
HOMOSEXUAL?

DO WE HAVE MUTUAL FRIENDS?

WELL, NO, NO, IT JUST SAYS,
UH, I... I MEAN...

WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT,
THAT I'D BE IN A DRESS
WITH A NOOSE AROUND MY NECK?

I'M SORRY. I, UH...

I GUESS WHAT THREW ME
IS YOU'RE JUST SO ADORABLE.

MOST SUICIDAL HOMOSEXUALS ARE.

UH, LISTEN,
WHEN COURT ADJOURNS FOR LUNCH,

GIVE ME A CHANCE TO START OFF
ON A BETTER FOOT.

GO ON! GO ON!

PLEASE.

OK.

HEAR YE. HEAR YE.

THE COURT IS NOW IN SESSION

WITH THE HONORABLE
ANTHONY PRESILLO PRETIDING,

UH, PETRILLO PRESIDING.

THE COURT WILL PLEASE RISE.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE BE SEATED.

OH!

WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
THIS IS A MURDER TRIAL.

YOU CAN'T BE LATE
FOR YOUR OWN MURDER TRIAL.

COUNSELOR, WHERE'S
THE DEFENDANT?

UH, YOUR HONOR,
THEY WERE DETAINED.

I THINK SHE SHOULD
BE HERE ANY SECOND.

SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED,
YOUR HONOR,

BECAUSE JESSICA'S
ALWAYS ON TIME.

THAT'S ONE THING ABOUT JESSIE.
SHE'S NEVER, EVER LATE.

COUNSELOR, WHO'S THAT?

HER SISTER, YOUR HONOR,
MARY CAMPBELL.

AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND, BURT.
AND THESE ARE MY SONS.

UH, THAT'S BURT'S SON.

YOU KNOW, LAST NIGHT,

JESSIE HAD A LITTLE
UPSET STOMACH.

MAYBE SHE WAS FEELING
A LITTLE NAUSEOUS.

SIT DOWN!

HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!

I'M SORRY
IF I KEPT YOU WAITING.

I'M SORRY, YOUR HONOR.

BUT WE SIMPLY COULD NOT FIND
A PARKING SPOT OUTSIDE.

I THOUGHT SURELY
THERE WOULD BE ONE RESERVED
FOR THE DEFENDANT,

BUT THERE WASN'T.

EVERYTHING WAS MARKED
"OFFICIAL PARKING ONLY."

AND CHESTER SAID,
"THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE

OF THE IDIOTIC INEFFICIENCY
OF THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM."

IS THIS MY JURY?

OH, HELLO!

MRS. TATE!
HELLO!

MRS. TATE!

OH!

WILL YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN?

NICE OUTFIT.

WHAT'S THIS FOR?

IN CASE YOU WANT TO
JOT SOMETHING DOWN
OR WRITE ME A NOTE.

WHY WOULD I WANT
TO WRITE YOU A NOTE?

I'M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

OH, IF I GO TO EUROPE
IN THE SPRING,

I'LL WRITE YOU A NOTE.

COUNSELOR, ARE YOU READY?

YES, YOUR HONOR.

IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I DOODLE?

YES. YES!

OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE!

HELLO, HELLO, MR. FRANKLIN!

UH, MRS. TATE.
DO YOU REALIZE...

JUDGE, JUDGE, JUDGE,
HOLD THAT THOUGHT ONE MINUTE.

WE'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S SILLY
FOR ALL OF US TO SIT
AT 2 BIG TABLES?

I MEAN, IT CREATES AN ALMOST
ANTAGONISTIC ATMOSPHERE.

YOU SHOULD CALL IT
"THEM VERSUS US."

DON'T YOU THINK
IT WOULD BE BETTER

IF WE ALL SAT
AT ONE LARGE TABLE?

IT'D BE MUCH WARMER
AND FRIENDLIER THAT WAY.

MRS. TATE. MRS. TATE!

I'VE ENDURED YOUR STALLING
TACTICS LONG ENOUGH.

COUNSELOR, PLEASE!

ALL RIGHT, MR. FRANKLIN,

YOU CAN BEGIN
YOUR OPENING STATEMENT.

THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE JURY,

WE HAVE HERE AN UNUSUAL CASE.

UNUSUAL IN THE SENSE
THAT, THIS BEING A SMALL TOWN,

THE DEFENDANT IS FAMILIAR
TO MOST OF YOU.

YOU MUST, HOWEVER, I REPEAT,

YOU MUST DIVORCE YOURSELF
FROM ANY PREVIOUS OPINIONS

YOU MAY HAVE
OF THE DEFENDANT,

AND INSTEAD PAY ATTENTION
ONLY TO WHAT YOU HEAR

IN THIS ROOM.

AND WHAT YOU WILL HEAR
IN THIS ROOM,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IS, I'M AFRAID,

A CHILLING STORY
OF HOW A WIFE AND MOTHER,

COLD-BLOODEDLY, METHODICALLY,

AND WITH MALICE AFORETHOUGHT,

COMMITTED MURDER.

OH, A MOTHER?

HOW AWFUL!

YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS TRUE,

AND I WILL SHOW
YOU HOW JESSICA TATE,

AN ANGRY, SPURNED,
FRUSTRATED WOMAN...

WHAT?

WITH HATE IN HER HEART,
IN COLD BLOOD,

MURDERED PETER CAMPBELL...

OH, PLEASE.

I HAVE NEVER HEARD
ANYTHING SO RUDE

AND AWFUL IN ALL MY LIFE.

NOW MRS. TATE, ONE MORE
WORD FROM YOU

AND I'M GOING TO HOLD YOU
IN CONTEMPT.

ME?

WELL, IF THERE'S
ANY CONTEMPT AROUND HERE,

IT'S COMING FROM HIM.

I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING SO
CONTEMPTIBLE IN ALL MY LIFE.

AND I AM NOT GOING
TO STAND FOR IT!

I'M GOING.

OH, OH, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT. I'LL STAY.

BUT I MUST WARN YOU,
IF YOU CONTINUE
IN THIS MANNER,

I WILL NOT COME BACK TOMORROW.

GO ON NOW, BUT BE NICE.

THE PROSECUTION
WILL ATTEMPT TO SHOW,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

WILL DANNY MARRY ELAINE?

OR WILL HE CHOOSE THE CAREFREE
LIFE OF A BACHELOR

AND HAVE HIS HEAD BLOWN OFF?

WILL FATHER TIM LEAVE
THE RETREAT TO SEE CORINNE?

AND IF HE DOES,
WILL THEY MAKE HIM
PAY FOR THE WINDOW?

WILL JESSICA BE FOUND GUILTY
OF THE HEINOUS CRIME

THAT FRANKLIN
HAS ACCUSED HER OF?

AND WHAT DOES HEINOUS MEAN?

THESE QUESTIONS AND MANY
OTHERS WILL BE ANSWERED

ON NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE OF...

SOAP.

SOAP IS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.