Soap (1977–1981): Season 1, Episode 15 - Episode #1.15 - full transcript

THIS IS
THE STORY OF 2 SISTERS,

JESSICA TATE

AND MARY CAMPBELL.

JESSICA LIVES IN
A NEIGHBORHOOD KNOWN
AS RICH.

JESSICA LIKES LIFE.

THE ONLY THING ABOUT LIFE
SHE WOULD CHANGE,
IF SHE COULD,

IS THAT SHE WOULD
SET IT ALL TO MUSIC.

THE TATES HAVE MORE SECRETS
THAN THEY DO MONEY.

WE'RE APPROACHING
MARY CAMPBELL'S HOUSE.

MARY, TOO, LIKES LIFE.

UNFORTUNATELY,
LIFE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE
TOO CRAZY ABOUT HER.



AS YOU CAN SEE,
THE CAMPBELLS DON'T HAVE

NEARLY AS MUCH MONEY
AS THE TATES.

THEY DO, HOWEVER,
HAVE AS MANY SECRETS.

IN LAST WEEK'S EPISODE
OF SOAP,

THE TATES AND THE CAMPBELLS,
WHO ARE ALL MURDER SUSPECTS,

ALL SUSPECT EACH OTHER.

SHERIFF TINKLER,
HOWEVER, HAS ELIMINATED
ALL SUSPECTS BUT ONE,

AND HAS ARRESTED
CORINNE TATE

FOR THE MURDER
OF PETER CAMPBELL.

THE TATES ARE OUTRAGED
ABOUT CORINNE'S ARREST

AND THE CAMPBELLS
DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT YET.

CONFUSED?

YOU WON'T BE AFTER
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF...

SOAP.



WE BEGIN THIS WEEK'S EPISODE

SHORTLY AFTER
CORINNE'S ARREST.

OH, COME ON, BABETTE.
NOW, YOU KNOW IT'S ILLEGAL.

OH, PLEASE, ILLEGAL.

I TOLD HIM HE COULD
GO AROUND THE WORLD
FOR A $100.

I'M A TRAVEL AGENT,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.

CRAZY.

OH, PLEASE,
OFFICER TINKLER,
THIS IS SILLY.

IT'S HARDLY NECESSARY

TO PUT A SWEET
YOUNG GIRL IN JAIL.

THAT'S JUST
WHAT I TOLD HIM.

HI, CHET.

DO YOU KNOW HER?

WHO?

THAT GIRL.

THAT GIRL THAT SAID,
"HI, CHET."

OH, NO.
SHE SAID, "I BET."

BET.

PROBABLY ARRESTED
FOR GAMBLING.

OK, CORINNE,
IF YOU'LL JUST GIVE ME

YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS,
YOUR PURSE, YOUR JEWELRY.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE,
TINKLER.

YOU HAVE NOT
ONE SHRED OF PROOF.

I'M GOING TO SUE YOU
FOR FALSE ARREST,
I SWEAR IT.

LOOK,
WE FOUND HER FINGERPRINTS
ALL OVER THE PLACE, MR. TATE.

OF COURSE YOU DID,
YOU MORON.

I LIVE THERE.

WELL,
THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE

WHO KNEW YOU TWO
WEREN'T GETTING ALONG.

WELL, OF COURSE
THEY WEREN'T GETTING ALONG.

THEY WERE LIVING TOGETHER.

I MEAN, WHO EVER HEARD
OF PEOPLE LIVING TOGETHER
AND GETTING ALONG?

IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T
LIVE TOGETHER THAT GET ALONG.

THAT'S WHY ONE HEARS ABOUT
SO FEW DIVORCES AMONG THEM.

COME ON,
CORINNE.

STEP OVER HERE,
WILL YA?

GIVE ME YOUR THUMB.
PUT IT RIGHT THERE.

WHAT ABOUT BAIL,
TINKLER?

I'LL ARRANGE
FOR A HEARING.

IT WON'T BE UNTIL
TOMORROW, THOUGH.

I WANT IT NOW.

AND I'M SORRY,
THE JUDGE IS GONE.

SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO
SPEND THE NIGHT.

THEN I WOULD LIKE
TO SEE HER ROOM, PLEASE.

NO.

I'M SORRY,
MRS. TATE.

MY DEAR MAN,
CORINNE CANNOT SLEEP
WITHOUT CROSS VENTILATION.

SHE HAS ALLERGIES.

NOW, LOOK, MRS. TATE,
THIS IS A JAIL,
NOT A HOTEL.

THEN SHE'S NOT GOING.

SHE IS GOING.

THEN I'M GOING
WITH HER.

I'M SORRY.

WHY CAN'T SHE
COME WITH ME?

I'M HER MOTHER.

MR. TATE!

OH, COME ON,
CORINNE.

YOU LET ME
TAKE HER HOME,

AND I'LL LOCK HER UP
IN HER ROOM

IF THAT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY.

LET'S GO.

PLEASE
DON'T TAKE HER AWAY.

MA,
I DON'T WANNA GO.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

BABY, IT'LL BE
FOR JUST ONE NIGHT.

IT'S TIME, CORINNE.
LET'S GO.

SHE... SHE'S
MY LITTLE GIRL.

MA!

OH, CHESTER.

CHESTER, SHE'S GONE.

MY BABY'S GONE
TO JAIL.

CORINNE?

IT HAD TO HAVE BEEN
MORE THAN ONE PERSON.

WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?

BURT,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS JUST
PROVING MY THEORY, MARY.
JUST PROVING MY THEORY.

BURT,
WHAT DID YOU DO
TO MY MR. BOZO?

OH, GOD.
WHY DON'T YOU LET
THE POLICE DO THIS?

THEY'RE TRAINED
FOR THIS WORK.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
POLICE?

IT'S BEEN 3 DAYS,
WHAT HAVE THEY COME UP WITH?
NOTHING.

RIGHT NOW,
I GUARANTEE YOU

I KNOW MORE
ABOUT THIS CRIME
THAN THEY DO.

FOR INSTANCE,
I'VE NARROWED IT DOWN
TO ONE OF 2 THINGS.

PETER WAS MURDERED
EITHER BY THE TATES

OR BY A MAN
WITH MORE THAN 2 ARMS.

BURT, HOW CAN YOU
KNOW THAT?

HOW?

MY TESTS PROVE IT.
THAT'S HOW.

AND NOTICE,
IF YOU WILL,

I'M WORKING UNDER
VERY PRIMITIVE CONDITIONS
HERE.

THE POLICE HAVE
A MODERN CRIME LAB,

COMPUTERS, WHATNOT,
HUH?

AND WHO COMES UP
WITH THE FIRST BIG BREAK
IN THE CASE?

ME. WHO? A CIVILIAN.

WE HEARD GUN SHOTS.
WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING, CHUCK.

OH, TOO BAD.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
BURT BLEW HIS HEAD OFF.

HEY, KEEP HIM QUIET,
WILL YA?

HEY, INSPECTOR,
DID YOU FIGURE OUT
WHO DID IT

OR DO YOU
JUST HATE CLOWNS?

NO, I FIGURED OUT
WHO DID IT.

OH,
I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR.

THE TATES DID IT.

ALL OF THEM?

THAT'S RIGHT.
ONE USED A BRICK.

ANOTHER A GUN.
ANOTHER A KNIFE.

MOST FAMILIES
GO ON PICNICS TOGETHER,
THESE PEOPLE KILL.

BURT,
THEY MADE AN ARREST.

WHO?

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.
CORINNE.

OH, I KNEW THAT.
I KNEW IT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO
YOUR GROUP THEORY?

LISTEN,
OUT OF ALL OF THE TATES,

SHE'S THE ONLY ONE
WHO COULD'VE DONE IT ALONE.

CORINNE'S
A TERRIFIC ATHLETE.

DID YOU EVER SEE THOSE
SHOULDERS ON HER?

CORINNE. CORINNE.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

CORINNE DIDN'T DO IT,
YOU KNOW CORINNE.

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK
THAT SHE DID THAT?

MARY, YOU NEVER KNOW
WHAT EVIL LURKS
IN THE HEARTS OF MEN

OR WOMEN.

YOU DON'T THINK
LIZZY BORDEN'S MOTHER
WASN'T SURPRISED

WHEN SHE SAW
THAT AXE COMING?

CORINNE. CORINNE.

I KNEW IT WAS HER.
I WAS ON THE TRAIL,
GETTING CLOSE.

THE POLICE JUST HAVE
BETTER EQUIPMENT,
THAT'S ALL.

BURT, DARLING,
LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.

YEAH.
COME ON.

CORINNE. CORINNE.
THE SHOULDERS.

SEE HERE. SEE,
HER NAME'S ON THE LINE.

COME ON.
THE SHOULDERS.

HE'S JUST ABOUT READY
FOR THE BANANA HATCH.

HEY, CHUCK,
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU?

ME?
YEAH.

HEY, YOU GOT US CONFUSED,
DODO.

I'M BOB.
HE'S CHUCK.

WELL, HE'S THE ONE
WHO TALKS.

OH, YEAH?
YEAH.

THEN WHY ARE YOU
LISTENIN' TO ME?

BOY, I THOUGHT
YOUR FATHER WAS STUPID,

BUT, UH, THAT ONE?
I'VE SEEN SMARTER ROCKS.

DANNY, DANNY,
DANNY, COME ON NOW.

I GET CONFUSED, TOO.

HEY, LISTEN, JODIE.
DO ME A FAVOR, WOULD YOU?

NAME IT.

BURT'S REALLY GETTING
KIND OF NUTTY.

I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME
YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF MA.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE
YOU'RE NEVER COMING BACK.

I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE, JODIE.

I CAN'T KEEP RUNNIN'.

WELL,
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA TALK
TO LEFKOWITZ.

HE'S THE MAN
WHO WANTS TO KILL YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
CALL HIM UP AND
MAKE A LUNCH DATE?

I'LL SURPRISE HIM, JODIE.
I'M GONNA
BREAK INTO HIS HOUSE.

OH, THAT'LL SURPRISE HIM.

THAT'LL STUN HIM FOR
2 OR 3 SECONDS.

THEN HE'S GONNA
BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF.

I'VE GOT NO CHOICE.

IT'S LIKE A CHICKEN
WALKING IN THE FRONT DOOR
OF COLONEL SANDERS.

I'M GONNA DO IT.
WILL YOU WISH ME LUCK?

I'D LIKE TO WISH YOU
A BULLET-PROOF VEST.

THAT'S WHAT
I'D LIKE TO WISH YOU.

OH, GOOD LUCK.

HEY, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL BE BACK.

I'LL SEE YOU,
LITTLE BROTHER.

OK.

I HOPE SO, BIG BROTHER.

LOOK AT THIS, RANDOLPH.

THEY'RE SHOWING
PRINTED BED SHEETS
IN THE STATES NOW.

OH, THEY'RE SO PRETTY.

AND BLOOMINGDALE'S
HAS THEM ONE-3RD OFF.

DO YOU THINK WILL THEY
SEND THEM TO ECUADOR?

RANDOLPH?

RANDOLPH!

WHAT?

DO YOU THINK BLOOMINGDALE'S
WILL SEND ME SHEETS

IF I ORDER THEM?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, INGRID?

OF COURSE,
WE REALLY NEED THAT.

WE REALLY NEED FLOWERED SHEETS
IN ECUADOR

TO ATTRACT
EVEN MORE MOSQUITOS.

RANDOLPH?

WHAT, DEAR?

I HATE YOU.

YES, LOVE.

I HATE ECUADOR.

I HATE THIS JUNGLE.

I HATE THE PEOPLE.

I HATE THE BUGS.

I HATE THIS DRINK.

I HATE THIS TABLE.

I HATE EVERYTHING, RANDOLPH.

RANDOLPH!

SEE, I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.

I LIVE IN THE JUNGLE
WITH A MAN IN A COMA.

I HAVE BOA CONSTRICTORS
IN MY HOUSE.

MY BACK YARD IS A SWAMP.

OUR NEIGHBORS
ARE HEADHUNTERS.

IT'S VERY NICE.

MAYBE HOUSE BEAUTIFUL
WOULD LIKE TO DO A COVER.

LISTEN TO THE MORON.

LOOK AT THIS, INGRID.
LOOK AT THIS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

IT'S AN "X," YOU TWIT.

IT'S THE BURIED
AMAZON TREASURE

AND IT'S RIGHT HERE,
EXACTLY ON THIS SPOT.

IT'S AN "X," RANDOLPH.

YOU WROTE IT
WITH YOUR BALLPOINT PEN.

I JUST SAW YOU.

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THESE
CALCULATIONS FOR YEARS.

IT'S THE BURIED INCA TREASURE.

INGRID, WE'RE GOING THERE.
THIS COULD BE BIG.

OH, MY GOD.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, BELIEVE IT.
BELIEVE IT.

WE'LL FIND A FORTUNE.

MY GOD, RANDOLPH,
IT'S CORINNE.

SHE'S BEEN ARRESTED.

RANDOLPH, YOU MORON, LOOK!

WHO'S THAT?

CORINNE!

WHO'S CORINNE?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU,
YOU IDIOT?

YOU HAVE JUNGLE ROT
UP THE BRAIN?

CORINNE.

OH, CORINNE.

THAT CAN'T BE CORINNE.
CORINNE'S JUST A BABY.

RANDOLPH, WILL YOU
LOOK AT WHAT IT SAYS?

SHE'S BEEN
ARRESTED FOR MURDER.

I MUST GO TO HER, RANDOLPH.
I MUST GO.

SHE NEEDS ME. I MUST GO.

OH, I NEED MY PAPERS,
I NEED TICKETS.

I NEED RESERVATIONS.
I NEED MY SHOTS.

OH, MY GOD!
I NEED WINTER CLOTHES.

WONDERFUL.
WHERE AM I GOING TO GET
A FUR IN KETO, ECUADOR?

RANDOLPH,
YOU MUST COME WITH ME.

TO THE FURRIER'S?
THERE'S NO FURRIER IN ECUADOR.

NO, NO, NO,
TO DUNN'S RIVER, CONNECTICUT.

NEVER.
I'LL NEVER GO BACK THERE.

NEVER, EVER, EVER,

WILL I GO BACK
TO DUNN'S RIVER. HAH!

I'D SOONER THROW MYSELF
TO THE PIRANHAS.

FINE.
I'LL DRAW IT ON THE MAP.

I BELIEVE THERE ARE SOME
RIGHT NEXT TO THE "X."

AHEM.

DANKE.

DON'T MOVE.
I'LL KILL YOU.
I SWEAR IT.

I'M NOT MOVIN'.
I'M NOT MOVIN'.

WHO ARE YOU?

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

SHH, SHH, PLEASE.

DON'T SHUSH ME,
YOU IDIOT. I LIVE HERE.

I... I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.
I SWEAR.

OF COURSE NOT.
I'VE GOT THE GUN.

TRUE.

LISTEN,
I JUST CAME TO TALK,
THAT'S ALL, REALLY.

OH, HE CAME TO TALK.

UH, LISTEN, DO YOU THINK
I COULD LOWER MY ARMS?

I'VE GOT BURSITIS
IN MY SHOULDER.

YOU MAKE ONE MOVE,
ONE FALSE MOVE,

AND YOU'LL BE CONFETTI.

OK, NOW SLOWLY
LOWER YOUR ARMS.

OH, THANKS.

NOW,
TAKE OFF THE MASK.

HI.

HELLO.

NOW LISTEN,
I'M NOT A BURGLAR OR ANYTHING.

ARE YOU A RAPIST?

NO.

NO, NO, NO,
I'M NOTHING LIKE THAT.
UH-UH.

OH.

WELL, I WISH YOU
COULD HAVE BROKEN IN

A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO
WHEN I HAD SOME MAKEUP ON.

YEAH, LISTEN,
THE REASON THAT I CAME HERE

WAS TO TALK
TO MR. LEFKOWITZ.

IS HE AROUND ANYWHERE?

HEY, WHAT I WANNA KNOW
IS HOW'D YOU GET PAST

DADDY'S SECURITY SYSTEM?
FLY?

HE'S YOUR FATHER?

NO,
I'M LIVING IN THIS FORTRESS
BECAUSE I'M RAPUNZEL.

OH, WOW.

I DIDN'T KNOW
HE WAS YOUR FATHER.

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE
YOU'RE NOT A RAPIST?

WELL, NO.

I MEAN, NO, I'M NOT.
NO, I'M NOT A RAPIST.

LISTEN,
YOUR OLD MAN'S GOT
A CONTRACT OUT ON ME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
MY CHANCES WILL BE

OF TALKING HIM OUT OF IT?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT,
MISS LEFKOWITZ?

I'M FINE.

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.
WE THOUGHT THERE
MIGHT BE A PROWLER.

THE DOGS ARE GOIN' CRAZY.

WELL, IF YOU'D
STOP BEATING 'EM
AND START FEEDING 'EM,

MAYBE THEY'D CALM DOWN,
YOU YUTZ.

THANKS.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

DANNY.

I'M ELAINE.

HI.

HI.

OH, GOD.
I HOPE HE DOESN'T KILL YOU.
YOU'RE ADORABLE.

SOMEHOW,
I DON'T THINK MY LOOKS

ARE GONNA CARRY
MUCH WEIGHT WITH HIM.

WELL,
MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU.

HOW?

WELL, HE IS MY FATHER.

BOY,
I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

AND HOW WOULD YOU SHOW
YOUR APPRECIATION?

WELL, I'D THANK YOU.

MAYBE, UH,
MAYBE BUY YOU A GIFT.

UH-UH.

WELL, I, UH,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

GET YOUR CLOTHES OFF.

CUTE!

YOU'VE GOT
A SENSE OF HUMOR.

I SAID,
"GET YOUR CLOTHES OFF."

WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YOU'RE SERIOUS.

BOY, THIS IS GONNA BE TOUGH.

I MEAN, UNDER
THIS KIND OF PRESSURE,

DON'T EXPECT MUCH.

COME IN.

HI.

HI, MA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST READING.

SO, HOW ARE YOU?

MA, I SAW YOU AT DINNER,
10 MINUTES AGO.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW WAS WORK TODAY?

IT WAS EASY,

SINCE IT WAS SUNDAY
AND I DIDN'T GO.

WAS IT SUNDAY?

HOW SILLY.
OF COURSE IT WAS SUNDAY.

WE HAD A FAT NEWSPAPER
AND NO MAIL.

OK, MA.
WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I GUESS
I'M JUST A LITTLE
WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

MOM, ARE YOU AFRAID...
NO.

THAT I'M GOING TO
TRY TO KILL MYSELF AGAIN?

YES.

MOM, NO WAY.

I'M NOT GONNA
TRY THAT AGAIN.

I'M GONNA BE AROUND
A LONG, LONG TIME.

OK.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE HARD
FOR ME NOW, MA.

I KNOW.

I HAVE TO START
ALL OVER AGAIN.

YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES THE NICE THING
ABOUT HAVING SOMEONE IS

THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
THROUGH THOSE HARD BEGINNINGS
WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU HAVE TO MEET PEOPLE.

DATE.

FIND SOMEONE
AND HOPE YOU LIKE THEM.

AND IF YOU DO,
HOPE THEY LIKE YOU.

AND IF YOU MAKE IT
THAT FAR,

WHERE YOU BOTH
LIKE EACH OTHER,

YOU HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT WILL YOU STILL
LIKE EACH OTHER

WHEN YOU DROP
THE GOOD BEHAVIOR
AND YOU CAN BE YOURSELF.

AND ONCE YOU MAKE IT
THROUGH THAT, WHERE
YOU'RE BOTH YOURSELVES

AND YOU BOTH
LIKE EACH OTHER,

YOU'RE UP AGAINST
WORRYING ABOUT
WHETHER THEY'LL LEAVE.

BUT ONCE YOU'RE CONVINCED

THAT THEY WON'T LEAVE
AND YOU WON'T LEAVE,

AND YOU'RE
VERY HAPPY TOGETHER

AND EVERYTHING
IS FINALLY WONDERFUL,

WHAT HAPPENS IS
THEY USUALLY DIE.

DID YOU COME HERE
TO CHEER ME UP?

WHAT I'M SAYING IS
THINGS END,

SO THINGS HAVE TO BEGIN.

THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS.

YOU EITHER GO THROUGH
THOSE BEGINNINGS
OR YOU WIND UP ALONE.

I KNOW.

I'M JUST TAKING A TIME OUT,
THAT'S ALL.

HEY, I'M NOT GOING
TO STAY IN HERE FOREVER.

GOOD.

I MEAN, WITH ALL THIS READING
I'M DOING,

IT WOULD BE A SHAME
NOT TO USE IT
TO IMPRESS SOMEBODY.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

LOOK, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHAT IS THIS BAIL?
WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?

THE BAIL IS $150,000,
JESSICA.

THAT'S AN ENORMOUS
AMOUNT OF MONEY.

I'LL GET IT,
BUT IT MAY TAKE ME
MORE THAN ONE DAY.

YOU MEAN YOU HAVE TO
GIVE THEM $150,000

TO GET CORINNE BACK?

THAT'S RIGHT.

ARE THEY CRAZY?
YOU HAVE TO BUY BACK
YOUR OWN DAUGHTER?

THAT'S NOT QUITE
WHAT BAIL IS, MOTHER.

I MEAN, THEY COULD TAKE
A DIFFERENT CHILD EVERY WEEK

AND CHARGE FOR IT.

THEY'D HAVE ONE
TERRIFIC LITTLE BUSINESS

GOING FOR THEMSELVES.

ALL RIGHT,
WHAT'S GOING ON?

WILL SOMEBODY
PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING IS GOING ON, BILLY.

BULL!

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I SAID, "BULL!"

CORINNE'S BEEN ARRESTED
AND NOTHING'S GOING ON?

OH, WE'RE GOING
TO GET HER BACK
TOMORROW, DEAR.

DADDY IS GOING
TO BUY HER BACK.

YOU KNOW, I'M A MEMBER
OF THIS FAMILY, TOO.

I MAY BE SHORT.
I MAY NOT SHAVE YET,

BUT I DO
LIVE IN THIS HOUSE.

WELL, OF COURSE
YOU LIVE IN THIS HOUSE.

YOUR BEDROOM'S RIGHT UPSTAIRS.

THE 2ND DOOR ON THE LEFT.

ALL MY LIFE, EVERY TIME
I WALK INTO A ROOM,

PEOPLE STOP TALKING.

YEARS AGO, EVERYONE USED TO
SPELL IN FRONT OF ME.

THEN ONCE I COULD SPELL,
THEY TALKED IN PIG LATIN.

AFTER THAT IT WAS FRENCH.

AND THEN THEY DIDN'T
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT'S LIKE?

IN SCHOOL, THE TEACHER
SAYS I HAVE TROUBLE
IN COMPREHENSION.

OF COURSE I HAVE TROUBLE
IN COMPREHENSION.
I LIVE IN A SILENT MOVIE.

WE TELL YOU THINGS, BILLY.

WE JUST DO IT THE WAY
JUAN VALDEZ PICKS OUT
HIS COFFEE BEANS.

RIGHT.

HE JUST GIVES US
THE GOOD BEANS.

HE NEVER LETS US
SEE THE BAD BEANS.

WE JUST DON'T GIVE
YOU ANY BAD BEANS.

LIKE CORINNE
BEING IN JAIL?

UH, RIGHT.

MMM-HMM. THAT WOULD BE
A BAD BEAN.

CORINNE GETTING MARRIED,
ON THE OTHER HAND,

WOULD BE A GOOD BEAN.

CORINNE HAVING A BABY
WOULD BE A GOOD BEAN.

RIGHT.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, SHE WEREN'T
MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE,

IN WHICH CASE THAT WOULD
BE A VERY BAD BEAN.

WONDERFUL.

SO WHEN MY SISTER GOES
TO JAIL, I HAVE TO READ
ABOUT IT IN THE PAPER.

YOU KNOW, I DO READ.

OH, IT'S IN THE PAPER?

AND WITH HER PICTURE.

OH, MY!
THAT'S AN AWFUL PICTURE.

LOOK, THAT'S HER
HIGH SCHOOL
GRADUATION PICTURE.

SHE LOOKS CHUBBY,
LIKE DADDY.

SHE HAS
A BEAUTIFUL SMILE,
THOUGH, DOESN'T SHE?

LOOK AT HER DIMPLES.

CORINNE DIDN'T MURDER ANYONE.

I KNOW THAT.
SHE CALLS ME INTO
HER ROOM TO KILL A BUG.

HOW COULD SHE KILL A PERSON?

WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS,
WHAT'S SHE DOING IN JAIL?

WELL, UH, CORINNE'S ARREST
WAS A MISTAKE, BILLY.

I HEARD
EVERYONE'S A SUSPECT.

I HEARD THAT YOU'RE A SUSPECT.
I HEARD MOM'S A SUSPECT.

WHY'RE YOU ALL SUSPECTS?

WELL, WE'RE NOT
E-E-EXACTLY SUSPECTS.

WHAT DADDY MEANS
IS THAT THEY'RE SORT OF
2ND STRING SUSPECTS.

WHY DON'T YOU
TELL THE KID THE TRUTH?

HE'S GONNA HEAR
ABOUT IT ANYWAY.

BENSON.

BETTER HE HEARS IT FROM YOU
THAN FROM WALTER CRONKITE.

BENSON, I THINK

I'M CAPABLE OF RAISING
MY OWN CHILD.

WELL, YOU'RE CERTAINLY DOING
A WONDERFUL JOB SO FAR.

CHESTER, PSST,

BENSON IS RIGHT.

IF HE IS GOING TO KNOW,
HE SHOULD KNOW FROM US.

BUT WHAT IS THERE
TO KNOW, JESSICA?

THERE IS NOTHING
FOR HIM TO KNOW.

HE WANTS TO KNOW
WHY WE ARE SUSPECTS.

THERE IS SOMETHING
FOR HIM TO KNOW.

WE CAN'T TELL HIM THAT.
HE'S TOO YOUNG.

HE...

BILLY, COME SIT DOWN
NEXT TO MOMMY.

COME ON.

NOW, YOU REMEMBER
WHAT I TOLD YOU

ABOUT THE GOOD
AND THE BAD BEANS?

WELL, WHAT YOU'RE
ABOUT TO HEAR

IS GOING TO SOUND LIKE
SOME VERY BAD BEANS.

IN FACT,
IF JUAN VALDEZ
HAD BEANS LIKE THESE,

THAT MAN WOULD
SHOOT HIS DONKEY
AND BURN THE MOUNTAIN.

ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?

WELL, I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE,
WISE GUY.

YOU ARE TALKIN' TO ME,
AREN'T YA?

AND I'M...
I'M TALKIN' TO YOU.

AND WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO SAY?

OH, HI, THERE.
I... I WAS JUST PRACTICING.

YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO PREPARED
IN THIS BUSINESS.

YOU'VE GOTTA KEEP
THE OLD REFLEXES WELL OILED,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

UH, WOULD YOU MIND
NOT WAVING
THAT THING AROUND?

OH, DON'T WORRY.

I'M IN TOTAL CONTROL.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I WANT TO SEE CORINNE TATE.

I'M SORRY.
SHE'S NOT HAVING ANY VISITORS.

MY DEAR MAN,
I AM NOT A VISITOR.

A VISITOR.

YOU SOUND FUNNY.
YOU MUST BE ONE OF
THEM THERE FOREIGNERS, HUH?

I AM INGRID SVENSON,

AND I AM CORINNE'S MOTHER.

WHAT?

HERE IS THE PROOF.

JUST LOOK AT THAT.

WILL BURT'S INVESTIGATION
PROVE THAT CORINNE IS GUILTY?

OR WILL IT PROVE
THAT BURT IS BONKERS.

WILL ELAINE TALK TO HER FATHER
ON DANNY'S BEHALF?

WILL HER FATHER LET DANNY GO?

IF HE DOES, WILL ELAINE
LET DANNY OUT THE DOOR?

IS INGRID SVENSON
REALLY CORINNE'S MOTHER

OR IS THIS SOME KIND OF
TRADITIONAL SWEDISH PRANK?

THESE QUESTIONS
AND MANY OTHERS

WILL BE ANSWERED
ON NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE OF...

SOAP.

SOAP IS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF
A STUDIO AUDIENCE.