Smiling Friends (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Desmond's Big Day Out - full transcript

♪♪

[ Singing gibberish ]

Pim, can we watch
something else?

No, shh.
It's about to get really good.

It's about to get really good.

Trust me.

Hey, Alan.

What are you, uh, what are you
doing back there, man?

I think we might have a mouse
in the office.

My precious piece of cheese
has gone missing,

unless one of you took it.



I mean, I don't know.

I, uh, I haven't seen
your pieces of cheese.

Oh, you missed it.

What?
Oh, just, um,

the character did a spin.

It was, like, a cool spin.
That was the whole reason

I was showing it to you,
but, yeah.

It was --
it was just kind of cool.

Okay.
[ Alarm blaring ]

[ Alarm blaring ]

Hey, guys.

So we got a job?

Yeah, but you sort of caught me

in the middle
of something, here.



You guys don't have a problem
watching someone eat, do you?

Not really, no. Go -- go ahead,
man. Go ahead.

All right.

So I got a call
from a mom today.

She's concerned about her son,
says he's been, quote,

"A bit mopey lately."

She's wondering if you guys
could put a smile

on the little rascal's face.

Uh, they're at
8501 West Tyson...

Ow!
Hey, no biting.

Hey!
No biting.

Okay?

You want me to bite you?
Yeah.

You know that hurts Daddy.
I told you, silly.

No biting, okay?

You're my good little baby, huh?
Yeah.

Yeah, mm.

Uh, yeah. I mean, no.
For sure, we could do that.

We could help the kid smile
and everything.

Did you need everything else
or is that...

No. Now get out there,
and make someone smile.

♪♪

[ Doorbell chimes ]

This is going to be great,
Charlie.

I love helping kids.

I love kids, Charlie.

I love kids!
Uh, Pim, I --

I would really not be screaming
that at the top of your lungs.

Oh, hello.

Are you the Smiling Friends?

That's us, ma'am,
here to bring smiles

and make the world
a better place.

Uh, is your son home?

Oh, yes. Yes.
He is. Come on in.

Come right in.

I'm so glad you boys came.

Uh, he's just right in here.

I hope he's not sleeping.

Desmond!
The Smiling Friends are here.

Hey, little buddy.
How are you doing?

Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hello.

What's, uh, what's up, man?

What's happening, big guy?
What's up with the gun?

Oh, nothing.

I was probably going to use it
to shoot myself or something.

Oh, you don't need to
do that, man.

Why don't you just put
the gun down, buddy?

Yeah.
D -- don't worry.

Things are going to be okay.

What's wrong?

Well, life is not going
that great for me.

My wife left me.
My kids left me.

My dog died from
a broken heart last fall,

so I don't know.
Yeah.

Probably just going to end it
all or something.

Pim, can I, uh, can I talk
to you for a second?

Look, Pim.

I know it's our job to help
this guy and everything,

but I think this guy
is a lost cause.

He's obviously made up his mind.

Why don't we just cut our losses
and get out of here?

Oh, come on.
That's nonsense, Charlie.

We've never given up
on a job so far.

Um, hello there, sir.

I know you don't know who I am,
but my name is Pim.

I know right now things
seem bleak,

but I promise to you that by
the end of this beautiful day,

you will have
a big, gorgeous smile

on that handsome face of yours.

Oh, won't you give us a chance?

Okay, but if you can't help me,

I'm going to [bleep] shoot
myself and make you two watch.

Okay, not sure about that,
but yay!

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

One, two. Hmm, Fleb,
did you take a paper clip?

I counted 74 last time,
and now there's only 73.

[ Gibberish ]

I am not accusing you.

I'm simply asking.

[ Gibberish ]

[ Snap! ]

A-ha!

I got you, you dang mouse.

♪♪

I will get you.

Nobody takes Alan's precious
piece of cheese

and gets away with it.

Uh, hey, sorry to bother you,

but did you see a mouse
run through here, by chance?

I don't know.

Yeah. No clue, man.
Maybe try down there?

Thanks.
I'll check it out.

By the way, for the record,
you should probably knock

or make yourself known next time
you enter someone's place.

Dude, I don't even think you
should be in here to begin with.

Yeah, not really your business,
though, is it?

When you're living in our office
walls, yeah, it kind of is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'm not --
I'm not doing this right now.

Bye.
Yeah, bye.

Whatever.

Hello, family!

Um, so this is my new pal,
Desmond.

Uh, he's been feeling
a bit blue lately,

so I wanted to show him
one of the best things life

has to offer:
quality family times.

This is my cousin, Graham Nelly.

He's a darn whiz
with the skateboard, actually.

Go on. Show him that --
show him that...

Yeah. I, uh, just know how to do
an ollie on it,

but, uh,
I forgot.

[ Muttering ]

Ew, Pim.

You are so stupid, right, babe?

Yeah.
That's my beautiful sister, Amy.

We don't always get along,
but we sure do love each other.

Pim, I genuinely hate you.

I have no love for you
in any shape or form.

Right, babe?

Um, uh, all right.

And over there in that
empty chair is where --

where my dear old dad
usually sits,

but tonight
he's in the other room, I think.

I'm trying to work
the bloody television in here!

Steven, get in here,
and sit at the dinner table!

Your son is home!

Oh, would you shut the [bleep]
up, woman?

I was down in the bloody mines
for 48 hours today!

Don't you tell me to shut up!

I can do what I
bloody hell want!

Wow, Pim.
This is really going well.

Sorry.
I'm so sorry.

I ruined it.
I'm sorry.

Is this supposed to make me
not want to kill myself?

Well, uh, I haven't really
been home since Christmas,

so I guess I forgot there's
sometimes family tension.

Uh, but that's okay because
there's another thing

that makes life
worth living: friends!

So another great thing about
life is making new friends.

Anyone can be your friend,
even that guy.

Hello, there.
I'm Pim.

Would you like to be our friend?
Whoa!

What the [bleep] dude?

Don't touch me.
Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

Dude, what the [bleep]?

Why are you [bleep] here, man?

You're so old.
Where's your wife?

Go home to your family, dude?
[ Laughter ]

Well, I mean, I'm not that old.

You are getting
kind of old, dude.

What?
Yeah. No. I mean, it's okay.

You know, like,
we're all getting older.

I guess our best years
are just behind us.

It's fine.
It just is what it is.

Exactly.

Huh, guess I'd never really
thought about that before.

All right.
Going to kill myself, now.

Goodbye.
No, no, no, no!

Wait! Wait, wait, wait!

I know the perfect place that
will definitely cheer you up.

Welcome to Dave Land.

I always come here when I feel
down in the dumps.

They have the Dave Roller
Coaster, the Dave toilets,

Dave Snow Cones, oh, and you
can even meet

Dave himself.

Who's Dave?

I don't know.

He's Dave, creator of Dave Land.

Come on.
Let's go on the roller coaster.

Oh, the line is short!

♪♪

♪ Having fun at Dave Land ♪

♪ Having fun at
Dave Land ♪

♪ Having fun at Dave Land ♪

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

I know you're in here,
little mousy.

Hello?

[ Footsteps pattering ]

[ Whimpering ]

Oh, you're not a mouse at all.

[ Sniffles ]

Aw, everything is going
to be all right.

Can I have my piece
of cheese back, please?

Ow!

What the... Hey!

Come back here.

[ Gibberish ]

Come out of there!

I want my cheese back, please.

Ah!

[ All speaking gibberish ]

Guys, knock it off.

Hey, sorry.
I'm back.

Oh,so that was really fun,
wasn't it?

Desmond, you looked so funny
on that roller coaster.

Charlie, did you take
any photos?

No.
So what did you think, Desmond?

I --
I bet after the teacup ride,

you don't want to shoot yourself

with that nasty
revolver anymore.

Uh, do you feel any better?

Yeah, I guess.
Aw, that's great.

Charlie, we did it,
successful mission!

For a bit.

Then it ended,
like good things always do.

Huh? Well, yeah, but nice things
can't last forever.

That's exactly it.

Are the best parts of life
really just finding momentary

distractions
to keep yourself busy

so you think about the harsh
realities of life for a second?

I can ride roller coasters,
meet new friends,

and spend time
with my family all day long.

It doesn't change the fact
that the Sun

is just going to explode,

and all this was for nothing.

[ Slurping ]

Uh, Pim, did you want to show
Desmond anything else,

or are we, uh, are we good?

Well, did you want
to show me anything?

Uh, all right.
Yeah.

Uh, what about that?

What, the ant?

Yeah.

I mean, it's kind of cool,

but it doesn't make me
feel any better, though.

Yeah, I know.
I didn't think so.

Okay, um, so let's go back
to the office.

Uh, we just need you to sign
some paperwork

that says we failed
to make you smile,

and then you can,
uh, you know,

do what you got to do
and all that.

Okay.

[ Speaking gibberish ]

I just wanted my cheese!

[ Shrieks ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Gunshot, silence ]

You had to do it, man.

It's okay.

That felt good.

[ Triumphant music ]

Notice your food
has gone missing?

Hearing scratches in the walls?

Finding mysterious
purple shit pellets?

You, my friend, may have
an bliblie infestation.

Luckily for you, there's
Desmond's Bliblie Control.

We'll kill them all for you:
shoot them,

stab them, smash them,

set them on fire.
[ Screaming ]

We'll take control,
bliblie control.

Call now!

Huh, I guess Desmond just needed
to find a purpose in life.

Yes, and I got my cheese back.
Nom.

Aw, come here, Alan,
you crazy character.

Nom, nom.

[ Both laughing ]

Nom, nom.

[ Both continue ]

[ Rapid gibberish ]
Jesus Christ! What is that?

What is that?
I don't know.

Alan -- Alan, grab it.

What?
Grab it.

I'm not going to grab that.
Grab it now.

You grab it.
Get it, now!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪