Smiley (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
A NETFLIX SERIES
The number you have called is unavailable.
Please leave a message after the beep.
See, I decided to call you in the end.
STOP
I spent ages wondering whether to call
just to get your voice mail.
I haven't heard from you in two weeks,
so I thought, "I'll call."
"He can't have seen my messages
on Insta or Grindr."
I know you're busy with work
and don't check them.
I forget not everyone's like me.
I can't stand
a red notification on my screen.
Those bastards make them red
so you can't ignore them.
Show me your inbox,
and I'll tell you what you're like.
You're one of those people
with 340 unread messages
and no spam filter.
I know you don't reply straight away.
That's why I WhatsApped you.
And I know you read them.
There's a double tick next to them all.
All 23 of them.
And you still won't reply.
Which is weird as the last few weeks
weren't like that, right?
-Are you calling that dick Lolo?
-No.
I loved it when you'd send me a photo
and I'd guess where you were.
-I made lentils.
-I'm on a diet.
Always dieting, always want seconds.
You'd send me a photo
at any time, day or night.
And the game was on.
WHERE AM I?
I'd ask you questions
and you could only answer "Yes" or "No."
-A PUBLIC RESTROOM?
-YES
-IN THE CITY CENTER?
-YES
We could spend an hour playing.
THE FNAC RESTROOM?
I was so happy.
YES
Especially with the last question.
You always sent the same reply.
Mom, what are you doing?
You're always tapping,
like a bird on a glass roof.
I remember when you sent
the photo of the wall.
A random brick wall, no other clue.
WHERE AM I?
I replied straight away.
I got it right the first time.
AT YOUR HOUSE
I recognized the wall in your room.
And you said, "This is magic."
And it was.
It was. For a while, it was.
The next day, you made me breakfast,
and I ate your madeleines with jam.
Me! I don't even eat sugar.
I prefer toast,
but I didn't want to destroy
the magic that was still there.
I sent you a message as soon as I left.
A very simple message.
A smile.
SEARCH EMOJIS
FREQUENTLY USED
A smiley.
And with a smiley, I was telling you that
I wanted to do it again the next day.
I already missed you,
that I had finally found
someone I fit with.
Someone I felt sexy, funny, witty with,
who laughed at the same things as me.
Someone I didn't have to pretend
loved me for who I really am.
Someone I could look and laugh
at my childhood photos with
and say, "You're even more handsome now."
And think, "He'll still be telling me this
in five, ten, twenty years."
Someone to imagine
the corniest things ever with
and deep down wish that
they'd actually happen someday.
I said all of that to you with a smiley.
You could have replied in many ways.
There's an infinite number
of keyboard combinations
to just say one thing,
"I feel the same."
But you never did.
You know the worst thing?
One day we'll bump into each other,
and I'll smile so I don't seem bitter,
and you'll say, "I'd rather be friends
and not ruin things with a relationship."
And all the bullshit guys like you make up
so you can fuck one guy,
then another, another,
and then complain,
"No one finds their perfect guy."
Am I the perfect guy? I don't know.
But I could be the one who loves you.
But you treated him like shit
because the asshole believed
for a few moments
that all this was really magic.
So you can go fuck yourself.
You, your phone, your magic,
and your fucking inedible madeleines
with jam, you prick.
SUNYER ARCHITECTS
Long message. Who was it?
I have no idea.
-It wasn't for you?
-Don't know.
A hysterical guy yelling
at his boyfriend about...
industrial pastries.
I didn't really understand.
If you were anyone else, I'd think
you'd broken his heart and forgotten.
I've broken lots of hearts.
But I remember them all.
Why are you laughing?
You mean,
you remember none!
-I think it was a case of crossed wires.
-No way.
That's only in Howard Hawks' movies.
Like, "Operator? There's a lady calling
from Seattle who lost her dog."
-That doesn't happen anymore.
-It's weird to call the wrong number.
He used a landline.
He must've dialed the wrong number.
-Why would anyone do that?
-Sunyer's waiting for you.
-I don't think he's in a good mood.
-Oh great.
Have you called a guy from a landline
so he didn't know it was you?
Yes. Once.
When I was 15. Typical girlish reaction.
-Why?
-Never mind. Thanks.
-Thanks, Lis.
-Welcome.
Your stranger is very mature. So mature.
Would it be weird if I called him?
-Why would you do that?
-I don't know.
Maybe he regrets
what he said to his boyfriend.
So he'd be able to pretend
it never happened.
-It'd be like time traveling.
-Right.
What do you always say
about time travel movies?
-Changing the past fucks things up.
-Exactly.
But listen, I'd want a return call
telling me about my mistake.
Didn't you say he was hysterical?
When he wasn't yelling, he seemed nice.
He said he believed in love.
-Don't project.
-I'm not.
-Yes, you are.
-No, I'm not.
You are. You're getting carried away.
It'd be easy for you
to hook up with Ramón.
-No fucking way.
-What?
-No.
-He's our best architect.
-So?
-He's had a crush on you forever.
I'm not hooking up with a co-worker,
especially one who collects Pokémon at 35.
Very well. Maybe your mystery man
collects dead bodies!
-You are so dramatic.
-Dramatic?
Delete it and forget about him.
By the way,
tomorrow's dinner is a costume party.
-I don't think I can go.
-No. Don't be a party pooper.
Bruno. Bayona, Sauquillo,
Oyarzabal are going.
-It's been...
-Oyarzabal!
There's a reason we haven't seen
our classmates in ten years.
I haven't been out in ten months,
not even for a sparkling water.
You can go alone.
I don't think anyone'll miss me.
-I'll miss you, Bruno.
-You see me every day.
But not partying like we used to.
Don't you remember, Bruno?
How much fun we used to have.
Don't you want to relive that?
-Not even for one night?
-I want to enjoy my Sunday.
Please.
Just dinner.
-Awesome!
-That's all.
-The theme is "famous architects."
-Who came up with that?
-Me!
-No shit.
Don't pick Gaudi. He's mine.
Good morning!
Is it?
You're so nice,
you always end up with assholes.
-It's just bad luck.
-Bad luck?
-It's always the same.
-It's my fault?
Do you want to go through a list
of your exes?
I'd rather be friends
and not ruin things with a relationship.
You get it, don't you?
Couples break up eventually,
but friendship is forever.
Monogamy is for repressed people.
It just makes you unhappy.
Is that what you want?
Being tied to someone forever?
We'll get bored in bed, and then what?
Let's be friends.
-Let's be friends.
-Let's be friends.
Let's be friends.
But if you want, we can still fuck.
I have a great time with you.
-See a pattern?
-Yes, they're all bastards.
-Bastards with perfect abs.
-So?
If you keep doing the same thing,
you'll get the same result.
Einstein said so.
-Patri, it's me!
-Close your eyes!
Cut the crap. Come on, I'm with Álex.
Close your eyes or I won't let you in.
-Are you ready?
-Yes, you're so annoying!
One, two, three!
The parquet is cute, isn't it?
I just need to do the small room
and that's it.
-It's great, right?
-Right?
Does it smell a bit funny or is it me?
I burned some white sage
to cleanse the energy in the apartment.
Yes. It's really clean, yeah.
This isn't the floor we chose.
-But you liked it the most.
-And it's the most expensive.
We can't go over budget, Patri.
Oh, my love, don't be a party pooper.
If you don't like it,
why leave me in charge?
-When are you moving in?
-The developer says January.
Yes. Hopefully your friend
will have cheered up by then.
I am cheerful.
I know what'll cheer you up! Follow me!
You already brought it.
A plant is the first thing
that goes into a new apartment.
And you put a plaque on it!
VERO AND PATRICIA
SEVEN YEARS GROWING TOGETHER
Welcome to our new life, my love.
Hello?
-I can't talk now.
-Do you like it?
I'm sure you'll be super happy here.
Now it's your turn.
They won't give me a mortgage.
I don't mean an apartment.
Yes, I'm with her.
If you want, come by the bar tonight.
Okay. Me too.
See you later. Bye.
Puchi?
Hey! Who's this cutie?
Did you take a nap in daddy's bed?
Let me see.
You must be exhausted.
Hey, you're so cute, I could eat you up.
SWEETIE, 250 M AWAY
WRITE MESSAGE
HEY
JUST ME 34, 160 M AWAY
WRITE MESSAGE
HEY
Hi. Hey, how are you?
-Hi, honey.
-What's up?
-Hey.
-How are my little birds?
-Sick and tired of you being late.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I had to attend to
a matter of the utmost importance.
Hold on to your wigs!
-Jingle bells, jingle bells...
-No!
-Oh, what fun it is to ride...
-No.
No. No decorations.
Sacrilege, my dear.
-I'm serious. This is tacky.
-Where's your holiday spirit?
Leave it, hon. Lesbians don't have any.
They lose it
when they eat their first pussy.
But don't worry,
I'm here to save Christmas.
Javi, I'm serious.
We spent loads decorating the bar.
Now you want to ruin it with crap.
I spent a lot!
-You didn't contribute much.
-Not true.
-That's not true?
-No.
If it were up to her,
it'd be like Maleficent's castle.
Sometimes I think she's like a dog.
Everything is black and white.
Let's stop arguing. Votes in favor?
Attention, s'il vous plait.
Ten points go to tinsel.
I'll get the tree tomorrow.
-No. No trees.
-Sorry, sweetheart.
Welcome to the "gayarchy."
No, Javi, no.
Álex's vote doesn't count.
He's not a partner.
What do you mean?
Next time, you're on my side.
I'll be right back. Cover me?
Who's that?
No idea.
Sorry for being so persistent.
I know what I want.
I'm very flattered, really.
So what's the problem?
If she loves you, she'll be happy for you.
She'll see it as a betrayal.
Isn't betraying yourself worse?
Look, what about this?
I'll leave you the contract.
Read it properly,
and give me your answer tomorrow.
Give me a few days.
I can't.
We have to get it done before Christmas.
Don't let me down.
It's a chance of a lifetime.
That bastard Lolo
not shown any signs of life?
After my message,
he must have blocked me, even on LinkedIn.
Don't worry,
there are plenty of fish in the sea.
You won't have a problem
catching a tuna with a good belly.
-It's not that easy.
-Don't be silly.
Most of our customers would give
an arm and a leg to be with you.
Not to be with me, to fuck me.
Oh, yes, poor thing, you're right.
What a pity. It must be really hard.
You know what I mean.
Look, kid, half a loaf
is better than none at all.
Not a loaf. A nice baguette.
CONNECTED NOW
160 METERS AWAY
STOP SAYING HEY, YOU BORE.
I WOULDN'T HOOK UP WITH YOU
EVEN IF I WAS ON GHB.
DELETE GRINDR?
DELETE
VOICE MAIL
DECEMBER 9, 2022, 11:05
Wasn't everything easier before?
You met a guy, fucked, met up again,
got together, if you got each other.
If straight people do it...
We should be able to do it too.
I have loads of friends
who've been together for years.
-Open relationships.
-Not all of them.
Lesbians don't count.
No? Well then, yes, all of them.
Bar Bero.
Hello?
Hi. Hi, yeah, sorry.
Look, you don't know me, but it's...
Well, I'm calling
because I got your message.
About the madeleines.
I didn't know whether to call
because you seemed angry,
but after what you said,
there's something important
you should know.
You called the wrong number.
You're wrong, Bruno.
I don't know why you ask my opinion
if you always follow your knob.
Knob!
Kids!
Albert!
It's on a door. They can say "knob."
Honestly.
Let me get this straight.
You called a guy you don't know at all?
And he turned out to be nice.
Bruno.
Nice to meet you. My name is Álex.
Well, Álex,
this relationship didn't work out,
but there'll be others.
Just my luck.
Sorry?
Sorry. It's just the guy I met
before this one was great.
He was gorgeous.
He was hot, nice, affectionate,
well put together.
I thought I hit the jackpot.
-What happened?
-One day he asked me to choke him.
When he was about to come, he wanted me
to choke him like I was going to kill him.
Well, to each their own, I guess.
That's what I thought. But after that,
it was the only way he could come.
What can I say? It's not nice
choking your partner every day.
Especially at the start, right?
Imagine later, when you actually had
a reason to want to kill him.
When I broke up with him,
he told me I was a bigot and a homophobe.
Similar thing happened to me
with a guy who wanted me to piss on him.
I've never drunk that much beer
in my life.
-So you broke up with him?
-No. He dumped me.
He told me it was too small.
Your dick?
My bladder!
He said my stream didn't last long enough.
-Dick!
-Bruno!
-Sorry.
-Seriously.
They don't know what it means.
Here, you try. It's impossible.
You two, go brush your teeth.
No, I want to know
how Uncle Bruno's story ends.
Badly, as usual.
Hey!
Sorry, but it does, doesn't it?
Almost all the guys
I hook up with either won't commit,
are in an open relationship, or cheat.
And I don't want that.
So, you're a romantic?
-Aren't you?
-No.
I just want to be happy.
Do you know
about the red thread of destiny?
-No.
-Okay.
It's an ancient Japanese legend
that says an invisible red thread
binds people
who are destined to be together.
It says we all have one tied around
our pinkie that can never be broken...
-But how do you know it's red?
-What?
If it's invisible,
nobody knows what color it is.
-It's ridiculous, isn't it?
-Yes, but it's a legend.
-It shouldn't be taken literally.
-But you believe it.
Yes. Well, okay. Yeah.
Okay.
I think it's a beautiful metaphor.
Knowing there's someone out there
who might be the most important person
in my life.
It gives me hope for the future.
I think you're the romantic here.
Don't you think it's beautiful?
Are you on Instagram?
-No.
-Hang up, dickhead. I need help.
Twitter?
-Nope, sorry.
-Facebook?
-Nothing.
-Grindr?
I deleted everything.
Why do you ask?
Well, to meet up.
No problem for me.
Yeah, but I don't know what you look like.
Yeah, I don't know
what you look like either.
True.
-Do you know Bar Bero?
-Which barber?
No, Bar Bero.
It used to be a barbershop,
and now it's a bar.
Oh yes, I know it.
I work there.
You have a blind date?
-Yes.
-How cool! When?
Later. I'm taking a book
so he recognizes me.
Wait. This evening?
What about our reunion dinner?
I'll make it, don't worry.
Isn't it a bit risky? What if he's crazy?
Not you too.
Look, I've got a good feeling.
I'll go, we'll have a beer, that's it.
What's the worst that can happen?
What do you feed this baby, plutonium?
Don't laugh.
Stop.
I'll give you one of mine.
No, it's fine. It'll be too big.
What? We're the same size.
We were, Albert. We were. Past tense.
I'd like to see you in my shoes
with three kids.
I wish.
Don't be ridiculous.
Come on, man. If... The closest I get to sex
is jerking off in the bathroom
while the kids watch Dora the Explorer.
I've come more with her than Núria lately.
-What?
-Seriously.
When I hear her voice, I get a hard-on.
Pavlovian style.
You'll have more time for yourselves
with the new nanny.
Unless it's Mary Poppins.
Right, I'm going home to change.
Yes.
-See you at the restaurant at nine.
-Yes.
-Don't forget your costume.
-Bye, Núria.
-You're leaving?
-I'm going home to change.
Kids, say goodbye to Uncle Bruno.
Bye.
Behave. Eat up.
Enjoy your date.
-Let us know how it goes.
-Will do. Bye.
I'll buy the sea bass tomorrow
and freeze it.
The prices are crazy during the holidays.
They're fishery prices, not ours, hon.
-Shall I add some sardines?
-No, just this.
Have you heard about Ramiro?
Montse's daughter says
he was in the neighborhood.
Sure it was him?
Didn't he stop by?
Well, I'll leave you in good company.
-Save me a good sea bass, okay?
-Bye.
I'll save you the best one.
Anything else?
Leaving already? Stay.
I can't. I have a date.
And I wanted to go home first.
A date? What do I tell Ibra now?
Who's Ibra?
The new guy who works
at Mercedes' greengrocer's.
Dark, slim...
He looks like a Watusi. Lovely eyes!
What did you do?
Me? Nothing!
Well...
he might have seen a photo of you,
by accident.
I was looking at my phone with Mercedes,
on that Insta... What's it called?
-You have Instagram?
-I saw your profile.
He was there, so I said,
"Isn't my son handsome?"
You can't show my photos...
Ibra's hardworking and cute.
I'm sure you'll like him.
Look. Ibra!
-Come here.
-Mom, please.
Good afternoon, Mrs. Rosa.
This is my son, Álex.
-Hey.
-How are you?
I'm Ibra.
-Your mom talks about you a lot.
-Too much, sometimes.
-Why don't you go for a drink?
-Mom.
-And chat about things.
-Please ignore her.
-I have to work at the moment.
-Pity.
I'll give you his number,
and you can meet later.
-What do you think?
-Yes, fine.
-See you later, Álex.
-Bye.
What?
Don't I have a good eye?
I know your type. Your aunt says
he has a girlfriend, but I don't think so.
-He's straight?
-He can't be. He's too handsome.
If anything, he's "bilingual."
"Bilingual". Come here,
I'll call you tomorrow.
-Bye, Auntie.
-Bye, take care.
I don't get you!
Say what you want. I don't get you.
Maybe you'd get me if you listened.
-Still arguing about decorations?
-What decorations?
She's quitting. She's leaving the bar.
Ignore him. I'm not going anywhere.
She's been offered a position
as a VIP manager in Amnesia.
-You're moving to Ibiza?
-No. I've not accepted it yet.
But she will. Of course she will!
Just look at that sly look on her face.
Damn it, Javi.
It's a few months in the summer.
Think about the publicity for the bar
and the contacts I'll make.
See? She can already see herself
working there!
I shouldn't have said anything.
How did you think I'd react, Vero?
You convinced me not to sell the shop
and turn it into a bar.
We're up to our necks in debt!
Now you're leaving me high and dry?
The bar's making a profit.
Business is good.
It's okay if I leave for a few months.
Don't you see?
It isn't just a business, Vero.
It's our dream.
Yours and mine.
But obviously it's not enough
for you now, is it?
Javi...
Going to tell me off too?
Is this really what you want?
I've dreamed of a job like this
my whole life.
We agreed I'd be on your side
next time, right?
What does Patri think?
I haven't told her yet.
I don't know how she'll take it.
I know.
Does Daddy look good? Yeah?
Be good, Puchi. I love you.
Why didn't you pick up?
Because it's the weekend?
-I can't find the project.
-Which one?
Ours. The Arnau Theater.
The city wants it on Monday,
and I can't find the render.
-It must be on the server.
-It's not.
All I can find is version 4,
version 4 final,
version 4 final approved,
version 4 final approved def.
-And version 4 final approved def def?
-There is no def def.
I think I deleted it by mistake.
Is it in the recycle bin?
Tell me you didn't empty
the server's recycle bin again.
It frees up space.
No, the icons trigger your OCD,
then this happens.
Tell me you saved it locally.
I guess. I'll send it tomorrow.
-Can you check now?
-No, I have to go.
-Please, it'll take five minutes.
-No.
Please.
Come in. Quickly! Come on.
Hello, Rosa.
Don't tell me you've forgotten my name.
Ramiro.
Who's this mystery man?
I don't know. He didn't say much,
but his voice made me trust him.
You didn't even see a photo?
-So you can recognize him?
-I decided to listen to Newton.
-Einstein.
-Whatever.
Keena!
-What's he waiting for?
-I'll go.
Keena!
Excuse me.
Keena!
Keena, your audience is waiting.
Coming, turn on the music.
Keena!
Excuse me.
Keena!
Guys, gals, and non-binary pals.
Let me introduce the one and only,
Keena Mandrah!
Keena!
Thank you!
That's enough.
You'll wear my name out!
Yes, Keena Mandrah, that's me.
Welcome to Bar Bero, everyone.
You know we don't style hair here.
But you might be flipped the bird
if you don't behave.
I'm talking about you, hon.
I know what you're like.
Oh, so many new faces.
What's your name, honey?
-Me?
-Yes, you.
-Modesto.
-Beg your pardon?
-Modesto.
-Oh, Modesto.
Do you always speak so softly
or are you living up to your name?
-You're too far away.
-Too far...
Not as far as you are from your dreams.
My girls!
The women's section.
You're late, my darlings.
My short-haired girls.
They went to the same salon.
-Hi, my love.
-Where they style hair with a drill.
-Beers all round?
-I fancy a cocktail.
Starting off strong.
Well, we're celebrating your new floor.
-Any excuse, hey?
-Yes, of course.
-So, four gin and tonics?
-Yes.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Which pound did you escape from, honey?
Cala Calobra.
What's that?
Sounds like a Harry Potter spell.
A village in Ibiza.
Ibiza! I knew Ibiza would come up tonight.
Ibiza. The pearl of the Mediterranean.
Europe's biggest club.
Why are you here when you could be
in Es Cavallet surrounded by hot guys?
Who fooled you, child?
I'd rather be here with you!
How cute?
What a surprise.
Your mom told me you work here.
No kidding.
-What can I get you?
-A beer for now.
Later, we'll see.
I wish everyone shared your opinion, love.
I say this
because my friend is doing the opposite.
She's going to work in Ibiza,
and she's going to abandon poor Keena,
leaving me alone, lost,
in the city, evicted like a stray bitch.
Alone!
No, don't hold it against her.
I was angry at first, too,
because I'm an ass.
Because I love her very much.
Very much.
More than she can imagine.
That's why I have no right
to stand in the way of her happiness.
I want to apologize
for my behavior earlier.
I'm really sorry.
I wish you the best
in this next stage of your life, Vero.
I wish you the best.
A round of applause
for Amnesia's new VIP manager, Vero!
You got this, honey!
Congrats, my darling!
I hope you'll be happy.
Patri. Patri, wait.
Shit. Patri!
Don't let it be him.
Shit.
The number you have called is unavailable.
Please leave a message after the beep.
See, I decided to call you in the end.
STOP
I spent ages wondering whether to call
just to get your voice mail.
I haven't heard from you in two weeks,
so I thought, "I'll call."
"He can't have seen my messages
on Insta or Grindr."
I know you're busy with work
and don't check them.
I forget not everyone's like me.
I can't stand
a red notification on my screen.
Those bastards make them red
so you can't ignore them.
Show me your inbox,
and I'll tell you what you're like.
You're one of those people
with 340 unread messages
and no spam filter.
I know you don't reply straight away.
That's why I WhatsApped you.
And I know you read them.
There's a double tick next to them all.
All 23 of them.
And you still won't reply.
Which is weird as the last few weeks
weren't like that, right?
-Are you calling that dick Lolo?
-No.
I loved it when you'd send me a photo
and I'd guess where you were.
-I made lentils.
-I'm on a diet.
Always dieting, always want seconds.
You'd send me a photo
at any time, day or night.
And the game was on.
WHERE AM I?
I'd ask you questions
and you could only answer "Yes" or "No."
-A PUBLIC RESTROOM?
-YES
-IN THE CITY CENTER?
-YES
We could spend an hour playing.
THE FNAC RESTROOM?
I was so happy.
YES
Especially with the last question.
You always sent the same reply.
Mom, what are you doing?
You're always tapping,
like a bird on a glass roof.
I remember when you sent
the photo of the wall.
A random brick wall, no other clue.
WHERE AM I?
I replied straight away.
I got it right the first time.
AT YOUR HOUSE
I recognized the wall in your room.
And you said, "This is magic."
And it was.
It was. For a while, it was.
The next day, you made me breakfast,
and I ate your madeleines with jam.
Me! I don't even eat sugar.
I prefer toast,
but I didn't want to destroy
the magic that was still there.
I sent you a message as soon as I left.
A very simple message.
A smile.
SEARCH EMOJIS
FREQUENTLY USED
A smiley.
And with a smiley, I was telling you that
I wanted to do it again the next day.
I already missed you,
that I had finally found
someone I fit with.
Someone I felt sexy, funny, witty with,
who laughed at the same things as me.
Someone I didn't have to pretend
loved me for who I really am.
Someone I could look and laugh
at my childhood photos with
and say, "You're even more handsome now."
And think, "He'll still be telling me this
in five, ten, twenty years."
Someone to imagine
the corniest things ever with
and deep down wish that
they'd actually happen someday.
I said all of that to you with a smiley.
You could have replied in many ways.
There's an infinite number
of keyboard combinations
to just say one thing,
"I feel the same."
But you never did.
You know the worst thing?
One day we'll bump into each other,
and I'll smile so I don't seem bitter,
and you'll say, "I'd rather be friends
and not ruin things with a relationship."
And all the bullshit guys like you make up
so you can fuck one guy,
then another, another,
and then complain,
"No one finds their perfect guy."
Am I the perfect guy? I don't know.
But I could be the one who loves you.
But you treated him like shit
because the asshole believed
for a few moments
that all this was really magic.
So you can go fuck yourself.
You, your phone, your magic,
and your fucking inedible madeleines
with jam, you prick.
SUNYER ARCHITECTS
Long message. Who was it?
I have no idea.
-It wasn't for you?
-Don't know.
A hysterical guy yelling
at his boyfriend about...
industrial pastries.
I didn't really understand.
If you were anyone else, I'd think
you'd broken his heart and forgotten.
I've broken lots of hearts.
But I remember them all.
Why are you laughing?
You mean,
you remember none!
-I think it was a case of crossed wires.
-No way.
That's only in Howard Hawks' movies.
Like, "Operator? There's a lady calling
from Seattle who lost her dog."
-That doesn't happen anymore.
-It's weird to call the wrong number.
He used a landline.
He must've dialed the wrong number.
-Why would anyone do that?
-Sunyer's waiting for you.
-I don't think he's in a good mood.
-Oh great.
Have you called a guy from a landline
so he didn't know it was you?
Yes. Once.
When I was 15. Typical girlish reaction.
-Why?
-Never mind. Thanks.
-Thanks, Lis.
-Welcome.
Your stranger is very mature. So mature.
Would it be weird if I called him?
-Why would you do that?
-I don't know.
Maybe he regrets
what he said to his boyfriend.
So he'd be able to pretend
it never happened.
-It'd be like time traveling.
-Right.
What do you always say
about time travel movies?
-Changing the past fucks things up.
-Exactly.
But listen, I'd want a return call
telling me about my mistake.
Didn't you say he was hysterical?
When he wasn't yelling, he seemed nice.
He said he believed in love.
-Don't project.
-I'm not.
-Yes, you are.
-No, I'm not.
You are. You're getting carried away.
It'd be easy for you
to hook up with Ramón.
-No fucking way.
-What?
-No.
-He's our best architect.
-So?
-He's had a crush on you forever.
I'm not hooking up with a co-worker,
especially one who collects Pokémon at 35.
Very well. Maybe your mystery man
collects dead bodies!
-You are so dramatic.
-Dramatic?
Delete it and forget about him.
By the way,
tomorrow's dinner is a costume party.
-I don't think I can go.
-No. Don't be a party pooper.
Bruno. Bayona, Sauquillo,
Oyarzabal are going.
-It's been...
-Oyarzabal!
There's a reason we haven't seen
our classmates in ten years.
I haven't been out in ten months,
not even for a sparkling water.
You can go alone.
I don't think anyone'll miss me.
-I'll miss you, Bruno.
-You see me every day.
But not partying like we used to.
Don't you remember, Bruno?
How much fun we used to have.
Don't you want to relive that?
-Not even for one night?
-I want to enjoy my Sunday.
Please.
Just dinner.
-Awesome!
-That's all.
-The theme is "famous architects."
-Who came up with that?
-Me!
-No shit.
Don't pick Gaudi. He's mine.
Good morning!
Is it?
You're so nice,
you always end up with assholes.
-It's just bad luck.
-Bad luck?
-It's always the same.
-It's my fault?
Do you want to go through a list
of your exes?
I'd rather be friends
and not ruin things with a relationship.
You get it, don't you?
Couples break up eventually,
but friendship is forever.
Monogamy is for repressed people.
It just makes you unhappy.
Is that what you want?
Being tied to someone forever?
We'll get bored in bed, and then what?
Let's be friends.
-Let's be friends.
-Let's be friends.
Let's be friends.
But if you want, we can still fuck.
I have a great time with you.
-See a pattern?
-Yes, they're all bastards.
-Bastards with perfect abs.
-So?
If you keep doing the same thing,
you'll get the same result.
Einstein said so.
-Patri, it's me!
-Close your eyes!
Cut the crap. Come on, I'm with Álex.
Close your eyes or I won't let you in.
-Are you ready?
-Yes, you're so annoying!
One, two, three!
The parquet is cute, isn't it?
I just need to do the small room
and that's it.
-It's great, right?
-Right?
Does it smell a bit funny or is it me?
I burned some white sage
to cleanse the energy in the apartment.
Yes. It's really clean, yeah.
This isn't the floor we chose.
-But you liked it the most.
-And it's the most expensive.
We can't go over budget, Patri.
Oh, my love, don't be a party pooper.
If you don't like it,
why leave me in charge?
-When are you moving in?
-The developer says January.
Yes. Hopefully your friend
will have cheered up by then.
I am cheerful.
I know what'll cheer you up! Follow me!
You already brought it.
A plant is the first thing
that goes into a new apartment.
And you put a plaque on it!
VERO AND PATRICIA
SEVEN YEARS GROWING TOGETHER
Welcome to our new life, my love.
Hello?
-I can't talk now.
-Do you like it?
I'm sure you'll be super happy here.
Now it's your turn.
They won't give me a mortgage.
I don't mean an apartment.
Yes, I'm with her.
If you want, come by the bar tonight.
Okay. Me too.
See you later. Bye.
Puchi?
Hey! Who's this cutie?
Did you take a nap in daddy's bed?
Let me see.
You must be exhausted.
Hey, you're so cute, I could eat you up.
SWEETIE, 250 M AWAY
WRITE MESSAGE
HEY
JUST ME 34, 160 M AWAY
WRITE MESSAGE
HEY
Hi. Hey, how are you?
-Hi, honey.
-What's up?
-Hey.
-How are my little birds?
-Sick and tired of you being late.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I had to attend to
a matter of the utmost importance.
Hold on to your wigs!
-Jingle bells, jingle bells...
-No!
-Oh, what fun it is to ride...
-No.
No. No decorations.
Sacrilege, my dear.
-I'm serious. This is tacky.
-Where's your holiday spirit?
Leave it, hon. Lesbians don't have any.
They lose it
when they eat their first pussy.
But don't worry,
I'm here to save Christmas.
Javi, I'm serious.
We spent loads decorating the bar.
Now you want to ruin it with crap.
I spent a lot!
-You didn't contribute much.
-Not true.
-That's not true?
-No.
If it were up to her,
it'd be like Maleficent's castle.
Sometimes I think she's like a dog.
Everything is black and white.
Let's stop arguing. Votes in favor?
Attention, s'il vous plait.
Ten points go to tinsel.
I'll get the tree tomorrow.
-No. No trees.
-Sorry, sweetheart.
Welcome to the "gayarchy."
No, Javi, no.
Álex's vote doesn't count.
He's not a partner.
What do you mean?
Next time, you're on my side.
I'll be right back. Cover me?
Who's that?
No idea.
Sorry for being so persistent.
I know what I want.
I'm very flattered, really.
So what's the problem?
If she loves you, she'll be happy for you.
She'll see it as a betrayal.
Isn't betraying yourself worse?
Look, what about this?
I'll leave you the contract.
Read it properly,
and give me your answer tomorrow.
Give me a few days.
I can't.
We have to get it done before Christmas.
Don't let me down.
It's a chance of a lifetime.
That bastard Lolo
not shown any signs of life?
After my message,
he must have blocked me, even on LinkedIn.
Don't worry,
there are plenty of fish in the sea.
You won't have a problem
catching a tuna with a good belly.
-It's not that easy.
-Don't be silly.
Most of our customers would give
an arm and a leg to be with you.
Not to be with me, to fuck me.
Oh, yes, poor thing, you're right.
What a pity. It must be really hard.
You know what I mean.
Look, kid, half a loaf
is better than none at all.
Not a loaf. A nice baguette.
CONNECTED NOW
160 METERS AWAY
STOP SAYING HEY, YOU BORE.
I WOULDN'T HOOK UP WITH YOU
EVEN IF I WAS ON GHB.
DELETE GRINDR?
DELETE
VOICE MAIL
DECEMBER 9, 2022, 11:05
Wasn't everything easier before?
You met a guy, fucked, met up again,
got together, if you got each other.
If straight people do it...
We should be able to do it too.
I have loads of friends
who've been together for years.
-Open relationships.
-Not all of them.
Lesbians don't count.
No? Well then, yes, all of them.
Bar Bero.
Hello?
Hi. Hi, yeah, sorry.
Look, you don't know me, but it's...
Well, I'm calling
because I got your message.
About the madeleines.
I didn't know whether to call
because you seemed angry,
but after what you said,
there's something important
you should know.
You called the wrong number.
You're wrong, Bruno.
I don't know why you ask my opinion
if you always follow your knob.
Knob!
Kids!
Albert!
It's on a door. They can say "knob."
Honestly.
Let me get this straight.
You called a guy you don't know at all?
And he turned out to be nice.
Bruno.
Nice to meet you. My name is Álex.
Well, Álex,
this relationship didn't work out,
but there'll be others.
Just my luck.
Sorry?
Sorry. It's just the guy I met
before this one was great.
He was gorgeous.
He was hot, nice, affectionate,
well put together.
I thought I hit the jackpot.
-What happened?
-One day he asked me to choke him.
When he was about to come, he wanted me
to choke him like I was going to kill him.
Well, to each their own, I guess.
That's what I thought. But after that,
it was the only way he could come.
What can I say? It's not nice
choking your partner every day.
Especially at the start, right?
Imagine later, when you actually had
a reason to want to kill him.
When I broke up with him,
he told me I was a bigot and a homophobe.
Similar thing happened to me
with a guy who wanted me to piss on him.
I've never drunk that much beer
in my life.
-So you broke up with him?
-No. He dumped me.
He told me it was too small.
Your dick?
My bladder!
He said my stream didn't last long enough.
-Dick!
-Bruno!
-Sorry.
-Seriously.
They don't know what it means.
Here, you try. It's impossible.
You two, go brush your teeth.
No, I want to know
how Uncle Bruno's story ends.
Badly, as usual.
Hey!
Sorry, but it does, doesn't it?
Almost all the guys
I hook up with either won't commit,
are in an open relationship, or cheat.
And I don't want that.
So, you're a romantic?
-Aren't you?
-No.
I just want to be happy.
Do you know
about the red thread of destiny?
-No.
-Okay.
It's an ancient Japanese legend
that says an invisible red thread
binds people
who are destined to be together.
It says we all have one tied around
our pinkie that can never be broken...
-But how do you know it's red?
-What?
If it's invisible,
nobody knows what color it is.
-It's ridiculous, isn't it?
-Yes, but it's a legend.
-It shouldn't be taken literally.
-But you believe it.
Yes. Well, okay. Yeah.
Okay.
I think it's a beautiful metaphor.
Knowing there's someone out there
who might be the most important person
in my life.
It gives me hope for the future.
I think you're the romantic here.
Don't you think it's beautiful?
Are you on Instagram?
-No.
-Hang up, dickhead. I need help.
Twitter?
-Nope, sorry.
-Facebook?
-Nothing.
-Grindr?
I deleted everything.
Why do you ask?
Well, to meet up.
No problem for me.
Yeah, but I don't know what you look like.
Yeah, I don't know
what you look like either.
True.
-Do you know Bar Bero?
-Which barber?
No, Bar Bero.
It used to be a barbershop,
and now it's a bar.
Oh yes, I know it.
I work there.
You have a blind date?
-Yes.
-How cool! When?
Later. I'm taking a book
so he recognizes me.
Wait. This evening?
What about our reunion dinner?
I'll make it, don't worry.
Isn't it a bit risky? What if he's crazy?
Not you too.
Look, I've got a good feeling.
I'll go, we'll have a beer, that's it.
What's the worst that can happen?
What do you feed this baby, plutonium?
Don't laugh.
Stop.
I'll give you one of mine.
No, it's fine. It'll be too big.
What? We're the same size.
We were, Albert. We were. Past tense.
I'd like to see you in my shoes
with three kids.
I wish.
Don't be ridiculous.
Come on, man. If... The closest I get to sex
is jerking off in the bathroom
while the kids watch Dora the Explorer.
I've come more with her than Núria lately.
-What?
-Seriously.
When I hear her voice, I get a hard-on.
Pavlovian style.
You'll have more time for yourselves
with the new nanny.
Unless it's Mary Poppins.
Right, I'm going home to change.
Yes.
-See you at the restaurant at nine.
-Yes.
-Don't forget your costume.
-Bye, Núria.
-You're leaving?
-I'm going home to change.
Kids, say goodbye to Uncle Bruno.
Bye.
Behave. Eat up.
Enjoy your date.
-Let us know how it goes.
-Will do. Bye.
I'll buy the sea bass tomorrow
and freeze it.
The prices are crazy during the holidays.
They're fishery prices, not ours, hon.
-Shall I add some sardines?
-No, just this.
Have you heard about Ramiro?
Montse's daughter says
he was in the neighborhood.
Sure it was him?
Didn't he stop by?
Well, I'll leave you in good company.
-Save me a good sea bass, okay?
-Bye.
I'll save you the best one.
Anything else?
Leaving already? Stay.
I can't. I have a date.
And I wanted to go home first.
A date? What do I tell Ibra now?
Who's Ibra?
The new guy who works
at Mercedes' greengrocer's.
Dark, slim...
He looks like a Watusi. Lovely eyes!
What did you do?
Me? Nothing!
Well...
he might have seen a photo of you,
by accident.
I was looking at my phone with Mercedes,
on that Insta... What's it called?
-You have Instagram?
-I saw your profile.
He was there, so I said,
"Isn't my son handsome?"
You can't show my photos...
Ibra's hardworking and cute.
I'm sure you'll like him.
Look. Ibra!
-Come here.
-Mom, please.
Good afternoon, Mrs. Rosa.
This is my son, Álex.
-Hey.
-How are you?
I'm Ibra.
-Your mom talks about you a lot.
-Too much, sometimes.
-Why don't you go for a drink?
-Mom.
-And chat about things.
-Please ignore her.
-I have to work at the moment.
-Pity.
I'll give you his number,
and you can meet later.
-What do you think?
-Yes, fine.
-See you later, Álex.
-Bye.
What?
Don't I have a good eye?
I know your type. Your aunt says
he has a girlfriend, but I don't think so.
-He's straight?
-He can't be. He's too handsome.
If anything, he's "bilingual."
"Bilingual". Come here,
I'll call you tomorrow.
-Bye, Auntie.
-Bye, take care.
I don't get you!
Say what you want. I don't get you.
Maybe you'd get me if you listened.
-Still arguing about decorations?
-What decorations?
She's quitting. She's leaving the bar.
Ignore him. I'm not going anywhere.
She's been offered a position
as a VIP manager in Amnesia.
-You're moving to Ibiza?
-No. I've not accepted it yet.
But she will. Of course she will!
Just look at that sly look on her face.
Damn it, Javi.
It's a few months in the summer.
Think about the publicity for the bar
and the contacts I'll make.
See? She can already see herself
working there!
I shouldn't have said anything.
How did you think I'd react, Vero?
You convinced me not to sell the shop
and turn it into a bar.
We're up to our necks in debt!
Now you're leaving me high and dry?
The bar's making a profit.
Business is good.
It's okay if I leave for a few months.
Don't you see?
It isn't just a business, Vero.
It's our dream.
Yours and mine.
But obviously it's not enough
for you now, is it?
Javi...
Going to tell me off too?
Is this really what you want?
I've dreamed of a job like this
my whole life.
We agreed I'd be on your side
next time, right?
What does Patri think?
I haven't told her yet.
I don't know how she'll take it.
I know.
Does Daddy look good? Yeah?
Be good, Puchi. I love you.
Why didn't you pick up?
Because it's the weekend?
-I can't find the project.
-Which one?
Ours. The Arnau Theater.
The city wants it on Monday,
and I can't find the render.
-It must be on the server.
-It's not.
All I can find is version 4,
version 4 final,
version 4 final approved,
version 4 final approved def.
-And version 4 final approved def def?
-There is no def def.
I think I deleted it by mistake.
Is it in the recycle bin?
Tell me you didn't empty
the server's recycle bin again.
It frees up space.
No, the icons trigger your OCD,
then this happens.
Tell me you saved it locally.
I guess. I'll send it tomorrow.
-Can you check now?
-No, I have to go.
-Please, it'll take five minutes.
-No.
Please.
Come in. Quickly! Come on.
Hello, Rosa.
Don't tell me you've forgotten my name.
Ramiro.
Who's this mystery man?
I don't know. He didn't say much,
but his voice made me trust him.
You didn't even see a photo?
-So you can recognize him?
-I decided to listen to Newton.
-Einstein.
-Whatever.
Keena!
-What's he waiting for?
-I'll go.
Keena!
Excuse me.
Keena!
Keena, your audience is waiting.
Coming, turn on the music.
Keena!
Excuse me.
Keena!
Guys, gals, and non-binary pals.
Let me introduce the one and only,
Keena Mandrah!
Keena!
Thank you!
That's enough.
You'll wear my name out!
Yes, Keena Mandrah, that's me.
Welcome to Bar Bero, everyone.
You know we don't style hair here.
But you might be flipped the bird
if you don't behave.
I'm talking about you, hon.
I know what you're like.
Oh, so many new faces.
What's your name, honey?
-Me?
-Yes, you.
-Modesto.
-Beg your pardon?
-Modesto.
-Oh, Modesto.
Do you always speak so softly
or are you living up to your name?
-You're too far away.
-Too far...
Not as far as you are from your dreams.
My girls!
The women's section.
You're late, my darlings.
My short-haired girls.
They went to the same salon.
-Hi, my love.
-Where they style hair with a drill.
-Beers all round?
-I fancy a cocktail.
Starting off strong.
Well, we're celebrating your new floor.
-Any excuse, hey?
-Yes, of course.
-So, four gin and tonics?
-Yes.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Which pound did you escape from, honey?
Cala Calobra.
What's that?
Sounds like a Harry Potter spell.
A village in Ibiza.
Ibiza! I knew Ibiza would come up tonight.
Ibiza. The pearl of the Mediterranean.
Europe's biggest club.
Why are you here when you could be
in Es Cavallet surrounded by hot guys?
Who fooled you, child?
I'd rather be here with you!
How cute?
What a surprise.
Your mom told me you work here.
No kidding.
-What can I get you?
-A beer for now.
Later, we'll see.
I wish everyone shared your opinion, love.
I say this
because my friend is doing the opposite.
She's going to work in Ibiza,
and she's going to abandon poor Keena,
leaving me alone, lost,
in the city, evicted like a stray bitch.
Alone!
No, don't hold it against her.
I was angry at first, too,
because I'm an ass.
Because I love her very much.
Very much.
More than she can imagine.
That's why I have no right
to stand in the way of her happiness.
I want to apologize
for my behavior earlier.
I'm really sorry.
I wish you the best
in this next stage of your life, Vero.
I wish you the best.
A round of applause
for Amnesia's new VIP manager, Vero!
You got this, honey!
Congrats, my darling!
I hope you'll be happy.
Patri. Patri, wait.
Shit. Patri!
Don't let it be him.
Shit.