Smallville (2001–2011): Season 9, Episode 6 - Crossfire - full transcript
Oliver tries to help a young street girl, Mia AKA Speedy, get out of her dangerous life by offering to train her, but Mia double crosses him. Lois asks Clark to help her land a job as an on-air television host, but the two are shocked when the station wants to hire them as a team.
I'm your host, Lois Lane.
And I'm your co-host, Clark Kent.
And we're here to help make
the start of your day...
...just a little bit brighter. Right, Clark?
Right. A little less brighter.
Could we start over?
let me know when you're ready.
I appreciate you helping me audition.
I'm angry you didn't tell me...
...how badly Oliver was doing,
but you're here.
So don't make me wish you weren't.
It's okay. You don't need
to get all worked up like you usually do.
Excuse me, Mr. I'm-Slow-And-Steady
This happens to be important to me.
on the endangered-species list...
is my only backup plan.
Don't you think you can be a little
less dramatic with this whole thing?
You could be more passionate
with this whole thing.
But not you,
not mild-mannered Clark Kent.
- Do you even care if I get this job?
- Of course. I bought a new tie.
- Oh, well, I bought a whole new outfit.
- Yeah, you look great.
- Don't do that.
Don't you dare reassure me right now.
Lois, I'm only doing this for you.
How else am I gonna get
that second date?
You should have thought about that
before you stood me up the first time.
Work lights, please.
Thanks guys, that'll do.
Oh, I'm sorry, we weren't...
Really, one more time would be great.
That's it for today.
What do you say you come back
early Monday and give it another whirl?
- You got the job. Congratulations.
I guess this means you forgive me?
Well, let's just say I won't forget
about you when I go national.
Actually, we want you both.
Oh, no, he's just here to help me.
I am a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.
That's good. That's real.
That's what people want nowadays.
Besides, you two have great chemistry.
Like Hepburn and Tracy, Regis and Kelly.
It's a package deal, guys.
Either you both stay or you both go.
From the look on your face, I'm guessing
Good Morning, Metropolis wasn't good.
- Did Lois get the job?
- Yeah. So did I.
They'd only hire us as a team.
How do I get myself into these things?
- So, what's your first story?
- Online dating.
They want us to tape ourselves
on dates set up through the Internet...
- ...then coffee-talk about them on the show.
Tackling morning television
to get back into Lois' good graces.
This has gotta be
one of your bravest moves yet.
As much as I care about Lois,
there's nothing more important...
- ...than finding the Kandorians.
You've been galloping
around the globe...
...tracking down every
Kryptonian crop circle we've found.
And every time, the Kandorian
who came with it was long gone.
Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop looking.
I think it's time
to start looking a little closer to home.
Tess has been reinforcing her firewalls.
She cut the feed
to her security cameras.
Given her attraction to all things alien...
You think she's building
her own Area 51.
Let me use Watchtower
to peek at her files.
- I'll see what I can find on my end.
- Clark, you've done everything you can.
You chose to come back to your
Daily Planet double life as a cover.
That's what you need to focus on.
Just for today,
leave the Kandorians to me.
What are these?
- Release forms from KZXP.
They want us to fill them out
before we go on our dates.
I have to get a date.
I'm still filling out my online profile.
If you want matchmakers
to pick a winner...
...you really have to be careful
to choose just the right words.
I filled mine out in 10 minutes
I guarantee that's the only 10
you're getting out of it.
Well, let's see what you wrote.
Under "likes" you have the theater.
You mean movie theater.
Favorite drinks, you have bubbly.
Yeah, if it comes in a six-pack.
I do like a six-pack.
There's nothing about monster trucks.
You love monster-truck rallies.
This is morning television, Clark.
are not gonna guarantee me a guy...
...who will impress the home viewers.
There are a lot of things about you
that would attract a lot of great guys.
Really? Like what?
but I already filled out my name.
Good luck on your date.
I'm sure you'll sweep her off her feet.
In the face!
Hit him, baby.
Yeah, all right.
Why you gotta keep making me
hunt you down, Mia?
How are you supposed to pay me back
if you keep running away?
Yeah, come on.
We wouldn't want anything to happen
to that pretty face.
That's your money-maker, baby.
Still, nothing compares
to Aston Martin's original V8 Vantage.
You know your cars.
Take it easy, Speedy. I'm trying
to stay away from life in the fast lane.
So why you cruising for company?
I'm not cruising for company, actually.
I was looking for you.
I've seen you fight.
You got speed, strength.
Why do you care?
I'm just somebody
trying to help you fix your life.
That last guy was twice your size.
He kept on beating you down,
you kept coming back after him.
I don't bruise that easily.
Well, maybe not on the outside.
I know what I'm talking about, Mia,
I used to fight for the same reason.
It never mattered
who was standing across from me.
The real battle was with myself.
I can train you.
I can teach you
how to overcome your fear...
...all that hate in your heart,
and get you off the streets.
Oh, my hero.
So, what's this help gonna cost me,
Just a little time.
Time enough for me to prove to you
that you can trust me.
Look, I can handle any hacker, okay?
But you should know, someone's
trying to get through to us right now...
-...and I think they're pretty good, so...
- Then be better.
Fix the situation, Stuart.
Or I'll have you terminated.
Okay, by "terminated" though,
you mean fired, right?
Thank you all for coming today.
I've tried to steer LuthorCorp...
I just had to prove that going green...
...also meant going up
on the stock exchange.
Thanks to cutting-edge technology
...through our new partnership
with RAO Incorporated...
...I believe this project
will put LuthorCorp on top...
...Metropolis on the map
and our planet back on course.
I give you the world's first
completely self-sustaining solar tower.
This one tower will generate enough
clean energy to power all of Metropolis.
an exceptionally well-realized effort.
I never expected to see you here.
Seeing as I am now chairman
and CEO of RAO.
Please, please. Hold your applause.
Save it for the real hero,
our stunning hostess, Tess Mercer.
And by taking on this project,
she is making my simple dream...
...of harnessing the powers of the sun
So here's to Tess Mercer...
I swear to you all,
this tower will change the world.
Okay, Clark, sound check time.
Say, "One, two, three."
One, two, three?
Put it in your ear first, big guy.
Tap it once to turn it on.
One, two, three.
Wow, Smallville, talk about green.
Like your first day at the Daily Planet
all over again.
This mean I'm about to hear
Lois Lane's rules of online dating?
There really is only one rule
when it comes to dating, Clark...
...show up. Like after you ask someone
to a monster-truck rally...
...it's a good idea
to show up to the date.
Maybe we should talk about this
when we're not being taped.
let's talk about something else.
- Like your online dating profile.
- But that was supposed to be private.
Well, I'll give you this,
you definitely were honest.
Admitting you grew up on a farm...
...is either going to get you
a date with country mouse...
...or a cougar
looking for her next meal.
Hi, Clark. Uh, I'm Catherine.
- Hello, Catherine.
- Uh, have a seat.
I've seen these blind-date shows
on television before...
...but I never actually thought
I would go on one.
This isn't live, is it?
Uh, they're taping it
to air it some other time.
If you can't take the heat, sister,
get out of the caf?.
Sorry, I have this really annoying
ringing in my ear.
Oh, I understand.
I'm nervous too. I can barely hear
anything over my own heartbeat.
Just try to treat this
like any other date.
That's the problem, I'm kind of busy
so I don't go on dates much.
What is it that keeps you so busy?
Well, until recently, I was overseas.
Skiing in Switzerland,
modeling in Milan.
Where I was working
in the Peace Corps.
But then I decided to come to Metropolis
to take my Ph.D.
I couldn't decide between sociology
or social justice.
So I'm doing both.
Is she for real?
...you're dating Mother Teresa
in 6-inch heels.
I didn't thank you.
Well, you should.
Because while your teams were out
scouring the globe, failing to find us...
...I was using our considerably evolved
intelligence to make LuthorCorp...
...the most technologically-advanced
company on Earth.
The question is,
what do you want in return?
Someone who betrayed us.
The one you call the Blur.
I'm flattered you think
of the people on this planet...
...that I'd know how to find the Blur,
You disappoint me, Tess.
But I'll play your game.
The Blur's blood
was used as an antidote...
...to a virus that swept through
Metropolis weeks ago.
We were able to get a sample
of that blood.
We took it to the lab to be tested.
every last drop had been destroyed.
At your request.
What are you talking about?
Since you chose
to destroy the Blur's blood samples...
you're trying to protect him.
Maybe for some altruistic reasons...
...or maybe you wanted to use him
as a bargaining chip.
I helped free your people
from that orb...
...because I'd hoped
you'd save humanity from itself.
But the only way I can make sure
that happens is if we're equal partners.
No human will ever stand
on equal footing with a Kandorian.
Make her tell you where this Blur is...
...or kill her.
- Ollie, I need your help.
- Not a good time, Lois.
You know how Clark and I have this side
job hosting Good Morning, Metropolis?
Uh, Clark Kent's hosting
I can't wait to watch him
show me how to bake a cake.
Well, our first report does has some heat
but it's not about baking.
They've set us both up on blind dates.
Clark's on a blind date?
Talk about footage of a train wreck.
Well, you might wanna save the space
on your DVR, because here's the kicker.
He did great.
You wanna be better.
That's why I'm here.
- I need you to tell me my red flags.
- Red flags?
Anything about me that annoyed you
while we were together.
I bought a dress,
reserved the Ace of Clubs...
...but if I don't identify
...they're gonna cancel
before it gets to air.
Call it selective memory,
or a short attention span...
...but I only remember
the good things.
Like how you used to brush your hair
back when you were nervous...
...or used to call out football plays
in your sleep.
Thanks for the workout, Ollie,
but time's up.
Do you think you could pay me
in smaller bills?
Nice towel, honey.
Where will she put the money?
See the thing is,
we were just sparring.
Don't worry, I'm not here to judge.
I just kind of hoped...
...you'd spend more than one week clean
before you got back in the gutter.
- Sorry I interrupted your sparring.
That's right, my hapless hacker,
you have been served.
What? Already? Damn, you are fast.
I see your anonymous proxy filter...
...with your reinforced
...and I raise you one rewritten ACL.
Okay. Now you've made me angry.
- You said no strings attached.
- I'm not trying to sleep with you.
But if you think a pebble in your shoe
...wait till you feel
what a $50,000 watch will do.
Why don't you look around?
Why would you wanna
go back on the streets?
You don't get it.
If I can finish paying off
what I owe Rick, I'm done. I'm free.
Well, how much do you owe Rick?
I'll cover it.
And then I'd owe you.
I don't think so.
- I'm not that kind of guy...
- Don't tell me about types, okay?
I know them all. Rick's type, your type,
political types, twisted types.
And I'm sick of all of you.
Well, I'm not gonna
trap you here, Mia.
I would just like to see you do something
with your life that you can be proud of.
Why would you help someone like me?
Because I know what it feels like
to be stuck in a place...
...that you feel
there's no escape from.
And my friends...
...helped me find the way out.
If I stay...
...it's gonna cost you.
Way ahead of you.
I went ahead and had my staff
buy you some clothes.
I'm sure you'll find
something in there you like.
Oh, and hey,
hope you dress as fast as you drive...
...because I'm gonna need you
to drop me off somewhere.
- You got anything stronger?
- Of course.
The last thing you need is a drink, Lois.
Thanks, Clark. You sound like
my mother on prom night.
How do I look?
If this were a prom,
you'd be crowned queen.
Your date's a lucky man.
Do I detect a note of jealousy
from the notoriously nice Clark Kent?
Careful my date doesn't hear you.
He might have to take you down.
I'd like to see him try.
You know what they say,
all's fair in love and war.
What's it gonna be for us, Lois,
love or war?
Clark, it sounds like you're asking me out
on another date.
If I was, would you say yes?
I'll tell you what I'd say...
What are you doing?
Well, you wanted this television
tryst to make an impression, right, Lois?
My blind date is with you?
Well, technically your blind date's leaving
in the elevator.
I paid him to go seek
his 15 minutes of fame somewhere else.
You tell Smiley,
he shows up late one more time...
...he's gonna go home in a box.
You understand me?
Yeah, I got it.
I wasn't sure you'd show up, princess.
This should finish paying off
what I owe you.
It belongs to Oliver Queen.
He's probably got 20 of these things.
Guy's richer than the Luthors.
Safe bet says he's got a safe
stuffed with cash someplace.
Which is why I want you to show us
where you dropped him off tonight.
- You honestly think I would let you go?
you're my top earner, baby.
So you remember,
you run, I will find you.
You move to another city,
my friends will hunt you down.
No second chances, okay?
I always kind of took you
for a beer girl.
No, no, only the finer things in life
for Lois Lane.
Oh, yes. Right. Of course.
Then a toast.
Oliver, it's bad enough that I catch you
dragging yourself through the mud again.
But now you're bound and determined
to ruin my date?
Okay, that meeting you walked in on?
That was someone
I was actually helping.
Well, you obviously helped her
out of her clothes.
I'm not here to sabotage you, I thought
your audience might want a date...
...with Metropolis' most eligible
billionaire bachelor. That'd be me.
I guess it wouldn't hurt the ratings.
Okay, you've got 10 minutes
to explain yourself.
Well, I'm only gonna need one.
Because there's really only one reason
why I came here.
I never finished saying
what it is that I loved about you.
Lois, what's going on?
I don't know.
Let me just skip to the end.
The thing I love about you the most
is that you're still in my life.
Because you're still in my heart.
Couldn't this have waited
until the cameras were off?
No. I'm not hiding my feelings
I figured by saying all that stuff with the
cameras on, I could prove that to you.
I had no idea
you still had such strong feelings.
I went to a really dark place, Lois.
And I think it took going there
and coming back to realize...
...you're the best part of my life.
I love you, Oliver...
...as a dear friend.
Which is why
I have to be totally honest with you.
I'm happy you know what you want.
I guess it just hurts
knowing it's not me.
I am so sorry.
Good night, Lois.
I said I was your friend and I meant it.
I am not going to let you wander
down any more dark alleys.
But you don't have to worry
about me, Lois.
I'm all about embracing life right now.
I'm not trying to end it.
You know what I mean?
Trying to take
the right kind of chances.
You, my friend,
were definitely a chance worth taking.
Is towel girl your driver now?
Maybe your plan B?
Very funny. Uh, her name is Mia.
And, come on, I'll introduce you.
For real this time.
What's your hurry?
Oh, hey. Great work today.
Have you seen the new marketing ad?
I have high hopes for you two.
So did I.
You said you wouldn't hurt him.
Back in the car, Mia.
Tell me you didn't pick
Prince Charming here over Oliver.
Shut up and get in your carriage,
Get off of me!
Pretty boy's worth billions,
but you're not worth the headache.
I can't let you do this.
Check this out,
streetwalker thinks she's a street fighter.
- What are you gonna do, Mia?
- Stay where you are.
You gonna gun me down?
You don't have it in you.
You're no hero.
Come on, let's go. Go. Go.
You will respect me.
Leave me alone.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
I had to wait until we were locked down
for the night...
...so we won't be interrupted.
And I have a message from Major Zod.
Tell me where the Blur is...
...or you die.
- You find a lead on the Kandorian?
- I've run every play in my playbook...
...to try and access Tess' files but
she's got one hell of a defensive line.
The good news is
I've only counted 100 firewalls...
...so I think
I'm actually about to score.
estimable foe, whoever you are.
Now, I'm guessing,
since you've made it this far...
...you probably haven't slept
and your fingers are getting cramped up.
So I thought I would take it upon myself
to do you a big favor...
...and just say, "Give up."
I can do this all day and all night.
I'm sure you already get the picture.
So talk to the hand.
Stuart Campbell, graduate of MIT,
talk to these hands.
Nice work, Chloe.
So it looks like Stuart Campbell
is Tess' tech boy wonder.
And he has done some pretty
heavyweight hacking of his own.
Government databases, corporations.
Wow, we could do a lot
with this kind of leverage.
Maybe even get him to join us.
You'd even match.
Clark, this guy is so good, every time I'd
get close, he'd show up and block me.
I know the feeling.
Lois and Oliver. Seeing him with her,
it's been a long time...
- ...since he looked that happy.
- Clark, just stop, okay?
Your willingness to sacrifice yourself
for others is a great strength for sure.
But when it comes to your own
happiness, it's a weakness.
Oliver's been through a lot,
and we're friends.
Lois is not up for auction.
Look, for once,
try not to second guess things.
All you have to do is ask yourself,
what do you want?
- Did you hear?
The brilliant brass at KZXP have decided
to go with someone else for their show.
- After Ollie and I almost got killed...
...guess who they've decided
to go with.
Apparently blonds test better
with morning viewers.
- I'm sorry.
I never should have tried out,
or dragged you there with me...