Smallville (2001–2011): Season 9, Episode 15 - Escape - full transcript

CHLOE: Okay, Clark, we have a carjacking
over on Samson Street.

CLARK [OVER EARPIECE]: On my way.
CHLOE: Bad day for that guy.

Now we have a mugging on Halpert...

- Got him.
- Nice one.

- And just around the corner, there's a...
- Done.

Wow, that was fast, even for you.

Okay, cowboy, looks like we're all clear
on the western front for now.

I'm handing the reins to John Jones.

He's gonna patrol,
while I'm out of town with Lois.

Don't worry. I think Metropolis can handle
one weekend without the Blur.

Now the real question is,
can the Blur handle two nights with Lois?



I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll have my cell, so if anything comes up...

Clark, it's one weekend. Enjoy it.

I heard Bart's in town.
You two should hang out.

Thank you for the not-so-subtle contribution
to the Chloe Sullivan charity case...

...but Lois already made a kind donation
in your name.

- I'm hanging up now.
- Bye, Chloe.

- Have fun.
- You too.

LOIS: Thanks.
- Sure.

Ah. Perfect timing.
Articles are in, phone calls returned...

...and I am officially ready
for our magical mystery weekend.

Let's escape before Randall sends you
on assignment. Where's your bag?

Well, since you insisted on being
a man of secrets...

...I had to cover all my bases.

There's snow angel,
surfer girl, city chic.



- How about countryside bed and breakfast?
- Good choice.

But since I'm assuming you don't mean
the French countryside....

No. It's kind of Scottish,
some place called the McDougal Inn.

I have your room all ready, Mrs. Green...

...except you didn't say
what size bed you'd prefer.

WOMAN: Make it a queen.
- Okay.

Welcome to the McDougal Inn.

I got it.

MAN: Did you see the latest crime rating?
Lowest it's been in years.

WOMAN:
I just feel safer knowing he's around.

CHILD: Tell me a story, Daddy.
MAN: All right. What about?

CHILD:
The Blur.

[CELL PHONE CHIRPS]

I know it's called a bed and breakfast,
but missing dinner is a bust.

I'm starving.
I already ate the granola bar...

...that's been at the bottom of my bag
since I don't know when.

We wouldn't be late
if we hadn't driven 40 miles...

...to see the world's largest ball of yarn.

You'll thank me later.

[RINGING BELL]

Yes, can I help you?

- Hey.
- Sorry about that.

We're late. The reservation's under Kent.

Oh, I apologize, but thanks to the storm,
the room you reserved sprang a leak.

I tried to call, but the line wouldn't connect.
Our reception is horrible around here.

Well, that's fine.
We'll take any room that you have available.

There isn't one.

Before I realized the pipe had burst,
I gave the last room away.

Okay, well...

...let's hope that Mr. and Mrs. Green
didn't quite finish unpacking.

The only inn they're gonna be staying at
is called Holiday.

Lois. What room is it, exactly?
Maybe I can fix the pipe.

Um.... If you'd like to try.
It's the last room on the left.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS]

[EXHALES]

Great. That's what you get
for not packing light, Lois.

Sorry.

If you ask me, Great-Great-Great-
Uncle Bevan had it coming.

So, what did he do to deserve
getting his face scratched off?

Usurped his sister Siobhan's birthright...

...took her crown and castle,
and then killed her.

Oh, for a country that prides itself
on men wearing skirts...

...you'd think they'd be more progressive.

According to legend,
Siobhan felt so robbed of her life...

...she wanted to return from the underworld
and live again.

She was granted her wish, at a price.

Since she was betrayed by a man,
she was cursed to kill men.

Any that crossed her path.

Oh. Murder, misogyny and mayhem. I can
see why you left that out of the brochure.

How about a cup of tea
while you wait for your boyfriend?

[WOMAN GIGGLING]

How about
we just take Mr. and Mrs. PDA's room...

...because, you know,
they obviously don't need it?

Um....

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Just kidding.

I'll check on Clark. He is used to baling hay
but I'm sure he's just bailing buckets.

Okay.

[GIGGLING]

Clark, I don't care how bad it is. I survived
a tent in Guadalajara. I can handle a...

...soggy room.

Turns out the leak wasn't as bad
as she said it was. I fixed the pipe.

Clark Kent, my hero.

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Too much?

You're perfect.

Is that the side of the bed
that you like sleeping on?

Oh, why? Is this your side usually?
Because that would be totally fine. I...

No, I just thought that you....

I just want you to be comfortable.

Oh, I will be.

I mean, I am.

Okay. Bedtime.

[CLARK CLEARS THROAT]

So, ahem....

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Sweet dreams.

Mm-hm.

[CREATURE WAILING]

What the hell was that?

[THUNDER CRASHING]

It's nothing to worry about, everyone.

What could have made that noise?

There are wolves in the forest.
Maybe it was one of them.

Go back to bed. Everything's okay.

Twist.

How can you be so, unh, about this?

This is Chloe and Oliver together, here.

Did you know they were dating?

Of course you didn't.
I didn't know they were dating.

We should sit with them.

Or we can give them some space.

They obviously came out here to escape
from everything, kind of like we did.

I know I ran a verbal marathon last night,
then I fell asleep...

...but I promise,
tonight is about the two of us.

I waited for you to get ready
for three hours.

If it means being with you,
I can wait forever.

Forever's a long time.

CHLOE: Really?
OLIVER: No.

Oh, God.

You know what we could do?
We could pretend not to see them.

Oh, come on, Ollie.
Throw out the white flag. It's Lois.

She makes Susan B. Anthony
look like a quitter.

Hey, guys, come here.

Sit with us.

Quiet weekend at home, huh?

Trust me, we had no idea
the two of you would be here.

And we had no idea there was even
a "you two," which I think is perfect.

I think fate has brought us together.

Well, it's actually....

- It's a little less fate, actually.
- More fame.

- Fame.
- This is so far off the beaten path...

...even the society pages couldn't find
Star City's most eligible bachelor here.

You mean ex-bachelor.

Okay, enough about that.

How did you guys manage to find
the road less traveled?

I found their brochure at the apartment.
I figured Lois wanted to come.

What brochure?

That wasn't Lois' brochure, Clark.
That was mine.

- How was I supposed to know that Oliver...?
CHLOE: You weren't.

That's the point.

Oh, don't look at me.
I learned long ago not to assume...

...what belongs to who in that apartment.

You gotta use context clues.

Yeah, speaking of clues...

...let's talk about Mr. Green
in the bedroom with my cousin.

- There it is.
- Lois, I think they came here for brunch.

Good point.

Look, Chloe, there's food.

CHLOE:
Whoa!

There's little jellies.

Okay, Lois,
I know what you're gonna say.

With Ollie's less-than-perfect track record,
I should just cut my losses...

Or I could say
that this is one for the win column.

I think it's great
that you and Oliver are together.

- You do?
- Yeah, and the best part is...

...we can double-date.
How awesome is that?

Whoa. Lois, before you book us up
for the next two months...

...Oliver and I are not a couple.

Okay, sure. Then what are you?

We're having fun.

And we're not complicating things
by using labels and definitions.

This is a relationship, Chloe,
not a spelling bee.

I'm glad you have found someone
that makes you happy.

But we're not all cut out for coupledom.

With Ollie, I don't have to worry
about that, okay? We're no flowers.

We're no presents, no pressure,
no strings.

And with you, we're no comment.

So...

...you...

...save any orphans recently?
Old ladies, maybe? Anything like that?

- I did stop a bank robbery.
- Yeah.

- That's nice. That's fun stuff.
- Thanks.

- How about you? Anything new?
- No, no, no. Just...

Oh, well, there's a new compound bow
I'm trying out.

Yeah, seems pretty good.
See how that works.

- I know it's not my place to say anything...
- Then don't say anything.

Everything Chloe's been through,
I don't wanna see her get hurt.

That's good. That's good.

She's stronger than you think she is,
though, so....

One of her strengths is giving people what
they need and sacrificing what she wants.

Well, how do you know
this isn't what she wants?

Just don't take her for granted.

Your choice of meeting place is revealing.

Even when he's gone,
Clark rules your mind.

And yours.

And since we have no common ground...

...I thought it only fitting we meet in the
home of the one person that unites us.

Whether you want to admit it or not, major,
we all want the same thing.

A better world.

You crave a man that's your equal.

But everyone you've ever let in
has betrayed you.

And will never trust you.

Well, sometimes trust comes
at too high a price.

Obsession can cost you more.

Come with me.

We'll go to Cyprus, rule the world,
drink wine, swim in the sea.

You sound like a man
without a care in the world.

Not your usual goal-oriented self.

Oh, I still have goals.

But do you still have secrets?

Not from you.

Really?

I don't remember you telling me
that you discovered your powers.

How did you find out?

You're a soldier dedicated to his cause.

There's no way you'd run off to Cyprus
unless your war was won.

- Your instincts are remarkable.
- So is your ability to heal.

You were shot a few weeks ago,
but I just checked and there's no wound.

My little experiment proves
that my instincts were right.

And if you were wrong,
your experiment would have killed me.

Some risks are worth taking.

And some aren't.

[GASPS]

You know my secret.

I can't afford to let you share it.

What would you do
if our positions were reversed?

[GROANS]

In every relationship, one person stands
while the other one kneels.

[GROANS]

I will not be forced down again.

I wouldn't want you to be.

I must say, I think your taste in wine
is almost as good as your taste in women.

Why, thank you.

You have a little bit of Pinot right there,
actually.

Look at that. I got it.

[LAUGHS]

Um, ahem. Unless Christmas came early
this year, that better not have my name on.

Oh, well, maybe you've just been
especially good this year.

Maybe a guy shouldn't take someone
like you for granted.

I didn't think you were, Ollie.

Clark said something, didn't he?

- It's just a gift.
- No, no, no. It's a slippery slope.

"Just because" gifts
are never "just because."

There's always some unspoken part like,
"I'm sorry."

Or "I feel strongly about you."
Both of which are complicated.

Oliver, I wanted to keep things simple,
you know, with, like, no strings or ribbons.

- Wait. Hold... Where are you going?
- I'm going for a walk.

When I come back, can we hit reset button
then play our favorite indoor game again?

[DOOR CLOSES]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Hello?

[THUNDER CRASHING]

So much for a relaxing walk
to calm my nerves.

[GASPS]

Definitely not calm.

[GASPS THEN PANTS]

Unexpected, but useful.

Just give me 10 minutes,
then you'll get a surprise.

Something tells me
you'll never stop surprising me, Lois.

[WHISPERING] Ten minutes.

Chloe.

Well, hello to you too.

[SHOWER RUNNING]

[CLARK HUMMING]

CLARK [SINGING]:
I can't tell you, Lois

Chloe? What are you doing in here?

Well, I thought I would join you.

Yeah, I can see that.

At least, I'm trying not to see that.

Um.... You know, I'm done here,
so the shower is yours.

It's not the shower I want.

Chloe, how much wine
did you have to drink at dinner?

Wanna share another bottle?

Or we could go for a moonlit walk
in the woods.

I don't think
that Oliver would appreciate it.

Clark, I just...

Lois.

Oh, my God.

I can explain this, sort of.

- Chloe...
LOIS: Shh. You do that.

Try to explain it over breakfast
maybe next century.

This, I won't be needing.

Lois....

Chloe. Chloe?

Clark?

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

- Where are my clothes?
- I don't know.

What's going on?

[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey.

Well, Lois.

You got any bagpipes to go
with that outfit there, lassie?

Means you guys are having a little fun.
It's cute.

Listen, I'm looking for Chloe.
She took a walk a while ago.

She hasn't returned.
I'm getting a little worried about her.

I was just with her, actually.

You were? Okay.

Oh, right. Yeah, okay.
So just lay it on me.

Why don't I take you
to see Chloe instead?

You will never win a woman's heart
by waiting for her to come to you.

Okay. You lead the way.

Hmm.

Truck is still there.
At least Lois didn't drive home.

Oliver's not in our room.

We're definitely being roasted, not toasted,
over a bottle of McDougal's finest.

- What possessed you to come in like that?
- I don't remember.

I just completely blanked out.

You don't remember seeing...?

No, God, I definitely don't remember
seeing that. What...?

Wait a minute. Was I... ? Did you see...?

Oh, God.
This is our last couples vacation together.

If I don't find Lois,
this will be last vacation I take with anyone.

Okay, so not that I haven't seen enough
of Clark Kent's private...

-...life tonight...
- I don't like where this is going.

You took Lois on a romantic getaway
to some sort of a bed and breakfast.

And while I doubt the breakfast part
poses problems, correct me if I'm wrong.

I seem to recall you having some kind
of a concern about the beds...

...and non-powered people...

...and what would happen in beds
with non-powered people...

- Okay, stop.
- Thank you.

My training with Jor-El has helped me
to manage my powers better.

Let's just say that I'm in control.
Of everything.

But you weren't, when you decided
to throw me a surprise party in the shower.

Then you passed out,
to come to with no memory.

What was last thing you do remember?

Oliver and I were having a talk...

...thanks to someone's over-developed
protective instincts.

And I decided to go for a walk.

Where?

Over here.

This is the lantern I brought from the inn.
I must have dropped it here.

Unless something made you drop it.

Oh, God.

This is so not the weekend I had in mind.

- You were out here. Think you could have...?
- Gone Norman Bates?

Wait a minute.
I wasn't the only one out here.

There was a face, like a phantom.

What did it look like?

Black, white and weird all over.

And since this is where my memory
hits a roadblock...

...I'm guessing that spirit started driving
this dune buggy.

I must have been possessed.

Well, you obviously aren't now.

If that spirit is responsible for this murder,
we need to find it before it kills again.

OLIVER:
Who told Chloe to go walk in the woods?

Was it Hansel and Gretel,
do you suppose?

- It's not much farther.
- I hope she left trail of breadcrumbs...

...because if she didn't,
we might never find our way out.

Oh, I'll be leaving these woods...

Ah!

...but you won't.

[GRUNTS]

Look, the legend of Siobhan McDougal
is just a ghost story.

It's not real.

You got a confused coed in your
living room, a dead body in your yard.

We need to hear the rest
of Siobhan's story.

You really think a centuries-old spirit
has come back for revenge?

We've seen weirder things.

Okay.

After Siobhan was killed...

...her soul was sent to the underworld,
where she was given great powers.

What kinds of powers?

Uncommon strength and the ability
to slay any man that hears her wail.

Superstitious villagers
also gave her a new name.

The Silver Banshee.

Okay, the last time I checked,
the underworld was still underground.

So how is it that this wailing wonder
has gotten topside?

Legend tells of a portal through which
her spirit could return to this world.

It was said to be a relic created
in Siobhan's own image.

After several deaths in the village,
Bevan feared he would be...

...Silver Banshee's next victim.

So he conducted
an ancient Scottish ritual...

...and covered the relic
in Siobhan's blood...

...sealing the portal shut.

A relic in her image?
Like a statue or an engraving?

Or a painting.

There's another portrait painted
under this one.

Bevan didn't just use blood to paint over
his sister's image...

...he used it to paint his portrait
over hers.

And then Lois must have accidentally
opened the portal when she scraped it.

You need to figure out
how to close that portal.

I'll find out who Siobhan inhabited next.

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

I was denied vengeance,
just as I was denied power.

But now I shall have both.

I'm all about the girl power, really,
but I gotta be honest with you...

...I don't see you breaking through
any glass ceilings with that hair.

[ROARING]

Siobhan.

You know who I am.

And I know your story.

But killing men won't make up
for what was done to you.

Maybe not.

But it does make me feel better.

[ROARING]

[GRUNTING]

- Okay.
- Tell me you found something.

How about Bevan's diary?

I don't suppose you read Gaelic?

I may not have believed all the ghost stories
but I'm still a McDougal.

"We banished her soul with blood
then burned her body...

...so her spirit could not walk again."

We burn her body and burn her blood.

I think we close this portal with fire.

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

You're remarkable...

...and beautiful.

Strong.

Able to spar with me on an equal footing.

Almost Kryptonian.

How did you weaken me in the barn?

You have your secrets...

...and I have mine.

Now we're even.

I waited a long time to savor the power
of my Kryptonian birthright...

...and I will do anything it takes
to protect it. You must know that.

In case you haven't noticed, Zod,
there are few that could stop you.

Which is why the information you have
is so valuable.

- You talk like we're on different sides.
- You tell me.

We are partners after all.

I doubt that you've only used your powers
for seduction.

They certainly come in useful...

...especially when it comes to keeping
an ear and an eye out for my competition.

If you're referring to Clark...

...you may have met your match...

...but he's not your competition.

He's one of you.

But he stands apart.

Read your own newspaper, Tess.

With the help
of a certain lovely reporter...

...the Blur has become humanity's
new messiah.

Now, I may be able to fly...

...but the world would willingly follow him
on foot.

You're jealous.

I want to know what gives him
that power.

And I want to know
what will take it away.

But you'll never tell me.

Information is also power.

But you understand that
better than anyone.

Um.... It's a spoon.

I bought you a spoon.
One of those little....

People collect them.
I thought about getting you...

...some of those little decorative soaps...

...but, ultimately, you didn't really need
either one of them, did you?

I don't know about that. I mean,
I'm more partial to sporks myself...

...but a girl can never have too many...

...spoons?

I never should've wrapped up
that Pandora's box to begin with...

...and second-guessed myself or us.

From now on, I won't.

We should say that next time
you won't take advice about relationships...

...from Clark Kent.

You know, speaking of Clark....

For future reference and, you know,
strictly for environmental purposes...

...next time you wanna take a shower
with someone, ask me.

I can't remember blacking out
and I wish I could forget waking up.

It couldn't have been that bad.

Wasn't there a time
you would have given anything...

...to stare at that farmer's tan
in all its glory?

That was a long time ago, like,
in a Smallville far, far away.

I mean, okay, yeah, I did love Clark.

A lot.

And I waited for years for him to see that,
to see me. Heh.

But even with his x-ray vision,
he never did.

I think more than that,
I just wanted someone who would get me.

And as good a friend as Clark is,
he's never gonna be that person.

Which is fine. Really.

I mean, those wounds healed
over a thousand super-saves ago.

Now there's just scars.

It's Clark's loss.

What about your loss?

I'm sure that Lois didn't have to drag you
into the woods kicking and screaming.

Uh....

Yeah, that's kind of a funny thing
about scars, you know...

...they're always there.

It doesn't mean they haven't healed.

Sometimes they can be kind of cute too,
huh?

You have one in particular
that I'm partial...

Shh.

Well, as incredible
as that R and R attempt was...

...I think we should skip
the old B & B's for a while.

Lois, for our first weekend away together,
it could have been worse.

I was possessed by a 300-year-old Scottish
banshee and I almost killed you, Clark.

We did get to see
the world's largest ball of yarn.

- That made the whole trip worthwhile.
- All thanks to my stellar sense of direction.

Let's face it, Clark, without me,
you'd still be lost.

What?

Oh. Heh.

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

It's my cell phone.

Just let it go to voicemail.

Yeah, well, why don't you answer it, Lois?
What if it's important?

[BUZZING CONTINUES]

Okay.

- A little privacy, please?
- Pretend I'm not here.

I can't do that.

I guess I'll have to get used to sharing you
with the world.

Lois Lane at your service.

BLUR'S VOICE [OVER PHONE]:
Hello, Lois.

LOIS: It's you. I was wondering, hoping,
that you'd call again.

- I need your help.
- Anything.

I need you to get information
on Tess Mercer.

LOIS:
Well, you've come to the right girl.

Just give me the question.
I'll find you an answer.

No matter what it takes, I'll do it.

I wanna help.

I will get you the information you need.

But you can't tell anyone about it.

Promise me you won't.

I promise.

I wouldn't ask, Lois,
if it weren't a matter of life or death.

[ENGLISH - US - SDH]