Smallville (2001–2011): Season 6, Episode 13 - Crimson - full transcript

Chloe, what the heck is this?

I thought we were coming in
to get a coffee?

How could you do this to me?

I didn't know, I swear.
I'm sorry, Clark.

No, hey. You're not gonna spend
the rest of your life...

hiding in the barn either.
Let's go.

What's it you say about
Valentine's Day?

Oh, yeah,
our annual sneak peek at hell.

That must have been
before Cupid struck.

Don't you think after being trapped
in a front seat...

to the Clark-Lana operetta,
I deserve a good V day?



You're the only person
who can make me feel guilty...

relieved and a little sad,
all in one sentence.

It's a gift.

Don't worry, Clark.

Your "Achy Breaky Heart" will
go away too one of these days.

Can you put that in writing?

Just give the Lana thing
a little more time.

You never know when the next love
of your life is right around the corner.

Is it really wrong that I want these
chubby cherubs to burst into flames?

The way I see it, Valentine's Day
is like finding out how babies are born.

- What?
- Just stay with me.

It seems so weird and confusing,
but when that bomb finally hits...

it's like, everything clicks into place.
You know, it all seems to makes sense.

Jimmy.



And Lois.

Welcome to the love-fest.

Yeah, and me without my Uzi.

Excuse us for just one second.

What are you doing?

We were supposed to take Clark
out tonight, remember?

Yeah, but Lois was all alone...

and then it hit me.

Lois and Clark.

Lois and Clark?

You gotta admit they got chemistry.

Yeah, so do nitroglycerin and peroxide.

And I don't suggest
putting them together.

Come on.

Please tell me we weren't just set up.

Looks like it.

Us.

That's like hot fudge and halibut.

I take it, I'm the halibut.

Naturally.

Well, I've had my fill of fat babies
with arrows.

Knock yourself out, Lois.

Little down on love?

After my breakup?

Cupid could use me for target practice
and I still wouldn't feel anything.

Then maybe you need a little
euphoria elixir or romance remedy.

Just a nudge in order to move on.

Move on?

Honey, you're talking to somebody
who's still waiting for acid-washed...

to come back in style.

Try this.

It's made with jasmine
and a mixture of aphrodisiac oils.

I get the brilliant hue
from red meteor rocks.

This is gonna make me fall in love
with someone new?

The first man you set eyes on.

Who knows, maybe this color
will look good on me, huh?

Clark.

Smallville: "Crimson"
Season 06 Episode 13

Yes, I'm calling to RSVP
for the engagement party.

Martha Kent. Thank you.

Hi. How was the Valentine's party?

- I lived to see another day.
- Clark.

Mom, really, if it's more love advice,
I got my quota last night. Trust me.

But thank you.

Lois.

Is Clark here?

Yeah, come in.

Hey, Lois, listen I'm sorry that Jimmy
pulled you into that last night.

I mean, after Oliver and...

Oliver's history.

Actually, Mrs. K.,
can you give us a couple minutes?

Yeah, I'll be upstairs.

Here we find ourselves...

all alone.

How did I never notice what big,
strong hands you have?

What's going on, Lois?

Well, you know me.

I'm not very good with words. So...

People don't think Whitesnake
sings power ballads...

but they do.

- You made me a mix CD?
- Yeah.

I will kill you if you tell anyone this,
but...

There's nothing that I love more...

than slow dancing...

with some big,
strong arms around me.

Just like yours, Smallville.

Lois... Lois, why don't you go
put this on?

Okay.

I know how you dance, so...

just in case...

Clark?

Lana.

I'm kind of surprised to see you here.

Yeah, I know that we left things
in a weird place.

Come in.

I'll take credit for the weirdness...

but to be honest, you're the one
who did the leaving.

I was... I was really frustrated.

Chloe, I can't afford to lose you too.

Ever since I've been with Lex,
I feel like I've lost...

everyone else in my life.

Well, are you sure
it's that you lost them...

or were you being forced
to leave them behind?

It seems like you've been walled up
in the mansion.

It's not like I'm in captivity.

Right, not in so many words
but I know how protective Lex is...

over the things he values the most.

Chloe, I know that you're
just looking out for me.

And you've done your maid of honor
duty and asked the tough questions.

But, I was hoping that
we could just get past this?

Okay. Case closed.

Did l...? Did I miss something?
Maid of honor?

Yeah, I hope
that you're not allergic to taffeta.

That's actually why I came by.

Will you stand up with me?

Of course.

So does this mean
that we just ignore...

the huge elephant
named Clark in the corner?

You know, whatever he's hiding...

he chose to confide in the people
that he trusts the most.

And as much as I wish
that I was one of those people...

I can't hold it against you.

I'm not gonna ask you
to betray Clark's secret.

If you'll stop denying that he has one.

Will this holiday ever end?

Sorry to be the culprit
of such a felony sized PDA.

We were supposed to meet
20 minutes ago.

Where have you been?

I just got stuck in traffic.

I did some digging into
our favorite Martian man hunter...

but It's just coming up empty.

We have another man hunter
to worry about.

Lois.

Why does that make me picture her
wielding an ax...

at every man in Metropolis?

She's only after one man.

Lois...

is into me.

She's into you? What, like...?

Wow, she really pulled out all the stops.

She's not herself, all right?
It's like she overdosed...

on "Love Potion Number 9"
or something. This isn't funny.

Pretty funny.

Chloe, we have to find out what
happened before she strikes again.

- Too late.
- There you are.

I have been searching all over for you.

Look what I got.

Maybe you could get one to match.

I think you're right about that story.
I'm gonna look into it.

Chloe...

Hi, you.

Hi.

Lois.

Now, Lois, I've got...

Now, you can pour on
the modesty all you want, Smallville.

It only makes you
that much more adorable.

Lois, what happened to you
when I left last night?

I went home. Alone.

But you know where I wanted to be.

Wow, well, nothing screams romance
like a dusty newspaper office.

Come on, you can do better than this.

I was planning on it.

Not that I'm complaining,
but isn't this a little sudden?

I mean, all this time, one kiss
and all of a sudden you like me?

No, I mean it.

This is for real, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, this couldn't be more real.

Wait a minute.

Wait.

I knew I kissed you before.

In the alley.

You're Green Arrow.

Hardly.

I was just pretending to be
so you wouldn't know it was Oliver.

Oliver?

Oh, my God.

All those times he disappeared.

What is my deal with emotionally
unavailable weekend warriors?

Thank God, I finally found a normal guy.

What do you mean normal?

Oliver's not even
in the same league as me.

You don't have to be macho just for me.

I like the dorky-farm-boy thing.

Dorkier than a hood and a quiver?

Just because I don't wear a costume
and splash my face all over the papers...

Clark. So what if your signature move
is driving a tractor.

I think it's adorable.

You know, Lois, I think that it's time...

for you to meet the real Clark Kent.

I have a surprise for you.

I thought we said no gifts
for the engagement dinner.

It's not exactly for the dinner.

So I have this dilemma.

I can't decide between...

Stegosaurus...

or Mr. Duck.

That's really sweet, Lex.

- But don't you think it's kind of...?
- I know, I know, it's kind of early.

But the doctor said
you're perfectly healthy.

I just don't know if it's a good idea
to have all of this stuff out here.

There's a lot of people around.

Nobody knows about this pregnancy
apart from Clark and Chloe.

Well, what if they did?

I was thinking.

What if we announced it tonight
at the party?

I don't know if that's a great idea.

I think that tonight should be
about our engagement.

It sort of feels like you're in denial.

Like if no one finds out about the baby,
it doesn't exist.

Lex, do you know how many people
are looking over my shoulder...

second-guessing why I'm marrying you?

Am I that hard a sell?

I don't want people assuming that we're
getting married because of this baby.

I want them to know
that I'm with you because I love you.

Wow, this is a beautiful detour
but what are we doing up here?

That's Oliver's balcony over there,
isn't it?

What? That tiny speck
under the clock tower?

Clark, this isn't funny.

You can come back down now.

Or you could come up here with me.

I'd like to see Oliver do this.

What'd you say
about a dorky farm boy?

Able to leap tall buildings
in a single bound.

I can't wait to see
what else you can do.

Well, I'm fast.

But not too fast.

You're being very bad.

The last time I was here,
I was with a good friend of yours.

Obviously, he wasn't that good.

I better make sure
you didn't spell my name wrong.

Sounds like a real rager, doesn't it?

Can't say I'm surprised I wasn't invited.

I RSVP'd back before Oliver
headed for the hills.

But now I've found a better way
to occupy my night.

What, and disappoint
the future Mrs. Luthor?

I don't think so, besides...

It's not a party until someone crashes it.

Hey, thanks for the roses.

Thanks for this.

Yeah, I don't know, I just...
It, kind of, seemed very you.

I love it. But it might sit on the bench
until my next style renaissance.

Or until I'm off the blacklist
at the Luthor mansion.

Aren't you supposed to be leaving
for Smallville in negative two minutes?

Yeah. But I'm gonna have to push
the boundaries...

of fashionably late on this one.

Because I just got a huge lead
on whatever love-nip Lois rolled in.

You just can't admit that
I'm a natural born Cupid, can you?

Jimmy, I know that you would love
to think your little nudge...

actually caused this whole thing,
but trust me...

Lois would have to be shot
out of a cannon...

to romantically land
anywhere in the direction of Clark.

Sounds kind of like you're jealous.

Of Lois?

No, of anyone getting
in between you and Clark.

Come on, you spend
all your time with him...

then you make up
all these excuses why?

You know what, Jimmy?

On the list of personality quirks
I've learned to fall in love with...

paranoia is definitely at the bottom.

- Translated to back off?
- Yep.

Got it.

- Chloe?
- Pushing it.

Look, if you're really not jealous...

then why are you bailing on your
best friend's engagement party?

Clark's a big boy.
How much damage can Lois really do?

You know, you're right.

I can just delegate.

I've done that.

Once.

And, since I doubt
the rose peddler doused Lois.

I'm putting all my money
on the oil essence lady.

So you can just meet her in an hour.

Here's the address.

Thanks. You're my guy.

Looking for a little inspiration?

No, thanks, I've already got my muse.

So is this supposed to make you
feel blissful or whatever?

Not supposed to, it does.

Now, that sounds kind of easy.

You're on the rebound,
you just rub some sexy goo on and...

you're singing Barry White songs.

Indigenous cultures have used
herbal oils for centuries.

We've strayed so far from nature,
we think we're above it.

Yeah, yeah, nature good,
greenhouse gases bad, I get it.

Look, my girlfriend thinks
that you dosed her cousin...

with a love potion last night.

Tall, loud, down on love?

That would be Lois.

So do you have any, like,
anti-love exfoliate or whatever?

I mean, something to take the Vaseline
off the lens, so to speak?

This will counteract the aphrodisiac.

But I usually have a sixth sense
about people.

Something tells me
Lois and Clark's destinies...

are a little more entwined
than they realize.

Could I have everyone's attention,
please?

I just wanted to thank you all
for joining us to celebrate.

Over the years, I'm sure some of you
have placed a few bets...

on whether I'd settle down.

But this couldn't be further
from settling.

I'd like to toast my beautiful fiancée...

for making me happier
than I thought I could ever be.

- Looks like we missed dinner.
- Clark.

What are you doing here?

Come on, Lex, you didn't think
I was gonna miss this, did you?

And look.

My own mother would rather raise
a glass with the enemy...

than stand by her son.

Clark, you're not yourself.

It's okay, Mom.

You're more a Luthor
than a Kent these days, anyway.

I mean, Dad's been, what?
Dead a year?

Who can blame you
for joining the race with Lana?

To see who's gonna add the Luthor
monogram to their name first.

Lex, he's obviously on something
and he wants us to react. Please don't.

Chloe, I can't say that I'm surprised
that you're celebrating here.

After all, once Lana's off the market
all those years of unrequited pining...

may actually pay off.

I can't say I haven't thought about it.

And you.

You know, I gotta hand it to you.

If you were gonna rebound...

why not choose the one person
that I hated the most?

But I mean, come on, Lana.
The jokes over by now, isn't it?

Clark, I think you've done
enough damage.

- Why don't you leave.
- I am not done yet.

Besides, Lex...

I haven't given you my gift yet.

Congratulations on sealing the deal.

To Baby Luthor.

The real reason
that Lana's marrying you.

Lex!

How dare you!

Come on, if no one else in this room
is gonna save you from Lex, then I will.

I don't think so.
Lana is your past.

I'm your future.

This is the present.

Clark was acting like he was exposed
to Red Kryptonite.

It wasn't a coincidence that Lois went
hopelessly devoted at the same time.

According to Jimmy,
I think we may have found our culprit.

Lipstick?

Infused with a Cupid's cocktail,
Lois was hit with an aphrodisiac.

- But that shouldn't affect Clark.
- Well, it didn't.

I'm guess the lipstick's
ruby-red sheen...

didn't come from
crushed cranberries.

If he was infected by a kryptonite kiss,
the second he was away from Lois...

he should've been fine.

I think Lois' kisses
were a little more than skin deep.

I think it's in his system.

He wasn't good enough for me
anyway.

I'll let you handle Lois. Hopefully,
I can find Clark before Lex does.

Hey, you got it?

Mugwort a.k.a.
A delegating success story.

Now, once this hits her skin,
Lois' pumpkin ride is over.

What does she have that I don't?

It's so weird to see her acting like a girl.

What's that?

Just a little something to help break
the infatuation spell.

I think it's time we get
those glass slippers back.

You know what?
Stop making fun of my feelings.

Just because you never got Clark...

doesn't mean you need
to take it out on me.

This is awkward.

Please tell me
I was going to a costume party.

You humiliated me in front of my friends.

Come on, Lana.
You hardly knew anyone at that party.

- Clark, what do you want from me?
- What I've always wanted.

For you to be happy.

I would love to know how that feels.

But it seems like every time I get close,
you rip it all away from me.

Lana, stop kidding yourself.

You're never gonna be satisfied
with Lex.

You can't marry him.

I've already made up my mind.

Even though you're still in love with me?

What makes you so sure?

Because I'm still in love with you.

Don't marry Lex.

Marry me.

I have given you...

every chance.

I have stood in this spot...

so many times...

just waiting for you to say
something and you decide to do it now?

You don't love me, Clark.

You just can't stand the idea
that I love someone else.

Lana?

Lana.

Lex.

Go ahead, Lana,
tell him that you'd rather be with me.

Don't listen to him.
He's on something.

Well, it didn't seem to bother you
two minutes ago...

when you were kissing me.

What do you really expect
is gonna happen now, Clark?

Exactly what you're afraid of.

I'm not a competition.

You are to Lex.

He didn't tell you?

He's always wanted everything
I've ever had.

And you were at the top of that list.

You're just a trophy to him.

And he's nothing
but your consolation prize.

Tell me you don't love me.

- Lana. Tell me you don't...
- Stay away from her.

You don't wanna do that.

You can't win.

You don't even know the rules
of the game.

Clark, stop it.

If I'd have known who you were
gonna turn out to be...

I never would have saved you
on that bridge.

Clark, you're killing him.

Lana.

Let me handle this. Please, just leave.

Clark, are you okay?

Oh, sweetie.

If you hadn't shown up in time...

I'm not sure what I would have
done to Lex.

How'd you know what to do?

The last time you had some kind of
kryptonite in your system...

you had to sweat it out.

Weakening you
seemed to be our only chance.

I just can't believe all those things I did.

I can.

I guess I can't blame you
for being mad at me too.

Clark, you've walked around here
for years bottling everything up...

basing every decision
on what's best for other people.

You never stop to think
what's best for you.

Mom, you don't think I really meant
those things I said about you and Chloe?

I think there was a grain of truth
in all of it.

Every time you've been affected
by Red Kryptonite...

it hasn't changed who you are...

it's just stripped away
your inhibitions.

I think you need to start being
more honest about how you feel.

So you're saying that I wanna kiss Lois.
And keep Chloe in my back pocket...

while the whole time,
I'm still in love with Lana?

You're the only one
who can sort that out.

When I kissed Lana, I could tell
that she still felt something.

And, Mom...

Mom, I can't let her marry Lex.

This is probably hard to hear.

But I think the best thing you can do
is leave her alone.

Clark. Girl alert.

I never know what I'll find
in the grown man's clubhouse.

Oh, sorry, Mrs. Kent.

Hey, Lois.

Yeah, hi.

Well, I talked to Chloe
and she filled me in...

on Lois Gone Wild.

But I'm just missing a few details...

about us.

Like this.

Wow, Lois, I had no idea.

Save it, Smallville.
I was obviously on something.

Thank God, the ink wears off
in a week.

Well, I guess it's best
that neither of us remembers.

I mean, I can't even really picture
the two of us.

You don't think...

that we...?

Think that we what?

You know?

That we...

No, Lois.

I think I'd remember.

Yeah.

Of course, you would.

Highlight of your life.

Though I did find something.

I think you made it for me.

Whitesnake?

I must have really liked you.

Hey, put another one down
for the J-Chlo team.

Thanks to you, Lois is back to her old,
heartbroken, abrasive self.

I'm glad I could help with that.
I guess.

And, Clark is, well,
back to being Clark.

Well, you're kind of brushing a landfill
under the rug, aren't you?

What? With Clark?

So he took the whole breakup jealousy
way past the drunk dialing stage.

Can't arrest him for it.

He crashed Lana's party and told
the world that she's eating for two.

Did I mention that
he kidnapped her?

I guarantee you Clark is beating
himself up more than anyone right now.

We can just give the Clark
bashing a reprieve, okay?

No. No, not until you admit
that he royally screwed up.

You don't know him like I do.

And you remind me of that every day.

If I did the things he did...

you would never talk to me again.
Don't deny that.

So, what are you saying?
I'm lying to you now?

Can you really tell me?

If you had the choice,
you wouldn't rather be with him?

Of course not. You're my guy.

Now you don't believe me.
I don't know what else to say.

Well, I think that's the point.

Neither of us do.

You know, maybe we should
take a break.

Jimmy, I don't...

You're fine, Miss Lang.
Nothing to worry about.

Thank you, doctor.
I just wanted to be sure...

with everything
Lana went through yesterday.

Lex, I'm really sorry
about what happened last night.

About Clark.

As far as I'm concerned, what we have
doesn't have anything to do with Clark.

But then I wasn't the one
kissing him.

And I wasn't the one holding a gun
to his head.

Funny how he calls this a game.

What were you gonna do, Lex?
Shoot him?

If I had to.

To save me? Or to hurt him?

Considering what he did to you, Lana.

I had every right to come after Clark.

But the thing is...

I can't blame him.

If I ever let you slip
through my fingers...

I have no idea
what I'd be capable of.

How is she really?

Well, you know, this isn't the most
typical pregnancy.

But everything's on schedule.