Smallville (2001–2011): Season 6, Episode 10 - Hydro - full transcript

The Daily Planet's gossip queen Linda Lake uses her ability to transform herself into water to find the dirt on people and run her weekly saucy story, however detrimental for them. After ...

I need 11 copies of each
by tomorrow morning...

and before
my macchiato goes arctic.

Assistants just don't have the stamina
they used to have.

Excuse me, Miss Lake. With all
due respect, I'm not an assistant.

I'm a reporter.

Of course you are.



what matters is that I can see
Gotham from my new office...

and you... oh, well, you, hon,
you work below sea level.

At the risk of heresy, I would rather be
snorkeling for the rest of my life...

than destroy a man's career
based on rumor.

I only print the truth.
And if you haven't noticed...

I print it on page one, section B,
every week.

Ron, I know for a fact that this
guy's on steroids. He's a juicer.

I can smell the slow-roasting ink
of tomorrow's headline.

Well, you said you wanted someone
with their finger on the pulse...

of the city.
Well, I just hit an artery.

Well, if it isn't the steroid stallion.

What? Don't you have some
muscle-cocktail mixing to do?

You ruined my life.

And you don't even care, do you?

Oh, please, if you didn't wanna get
Red Rovered by the Meteors...

maybe you should've reconsidered
jamming that needle into your tush.

You're pretty quick
to get high and mighty.

I think those aminos
are going to your head.

And I think you've destroyed
enough lives.

I'm not gonna let you destroy
any more.

♪ Smallville: "Hydro" ♪
Season 6 Episode 10

So I'm guessing you didn't ditch
prime time on your social calendar...

to come and help me research
the dwindling pigeon population.

Chloe, Lex proposed.


And I haven't given him an answer yet.

I'm sure that's going over well.

Yeah, Lex and I are in a really
great place right now...

but when I actually
heard those words...

there was something
that wouldn't let me say yes.

Something like Clark?

When I was with Clark...

I would've said yes without hesitating.

I thought that chapter of my life
was over.


I think that you need to stop reading
between the lines...

and actually talk to Clark.

Before you're gonna be able
to close this book on him forever.

Let's go.

- Scoopgirl?
- Hotshot485?

You've gotta be kidding me.

I'm not the one up all night tooling
the Internet for Green Arrow pics.

Don't you have a boyfriend?

Do you have the photos?

You got the cash?

I don't get it. Of all
the photographers in Metropolis...

how is that you end up with
the first shots of our merry archer?

I have my connections.

No, really.

Oh, well, the guy doesn't get out
of the Suicide Slums much.

So I just hung out there
for a few weeks.

In my car, with my pepper spray,
and the doors locked...

This is it?
A bunch of arms and legs?

Nice work, hotshot.

I mean, you didn't even manage
to catch one shot of his face.

All these tell me about Green Arrow
is that he needs a Band-Aid.

Well, at least you got a good look
at that.


Hey, Chloe.

Have you seen the Daily Planet
this morning?



God, I can't let you read this
in the paper.

Lex proposed to Lana.

What'd she say?

She hasn't given him an answer.

It says here it's because of me.

This is true?


I know better...

Look, I know better.

You know, I tried so hard
to let Lana go that...

If she marries Lex,
there's no going back.

Is it true?

I would double down on the fact
that Lana's still in love with you.

- I can't let her do this.
- Clark, wait a minute.

It's a lot more complicated now.

What could be more complicated
than living your life with regrets?

You didn't have to do that.

I was feeling alone
waiting for your answer.

I didn't realize I had so much company.

I don't know what to say.

Then let me.

"When I was with Clark...

I would have said yes
without hesitating."

You know, the worst part of waiting...

was dwelling on all the reasons
why you might be stalling.

At least now I know.

Lex, I'm sorry.

Mr. Luthor, you have a guest.

- They said Lana was here.
- She was.

But I'm afraid you just missed her.

I'll come back later.

So you really think
you can convince her?

You think you can talk her
out of making...

the biggest mistake of her life
by marrying me?

- We both know that you swept in after...
- After you crushed her?

You knew she was vulnerable.

And you played her until she thought
she was in love with you.

If you really see Lana as that naïve...

you obviously
don't think as much of her as I do.

It must be eating at you
that she's hesitating...

wondering why she hasn't
given you an answer.

I guess it would.

If I didn't know what the answer
was gonna be.

You see, I highly doubt
she'll say no, Clark.

Now that she's carrying my child.

So you're telling me...

you think that Metropolis' most
worshipped meat-head was murdered?

Hey, now, that's my childhood hero
you're talking smack about.

And the one baseball card
I still can't manage to snag.


Yeah, it's an investment.

So why the homicide hunch on this guy?

The obit writer left me
Dawson's file to scan his photo.

Preliminary investigation's
calling it suicide but...

how's a guy who's larger than life
drown in two feet of water?

Well, his career was over...

and Lake was right,
the coroner's report says...

Dawson was juiced up
on muscle mixers.

Chloe, come on. You're gonna tell me
that someone on roid rage...

is gonna lie down in a koi pond
and call it a day?

You said you'd have it ready by today.

Well, that was before you added
the Zen waterfall.

I have to get approval.

Approval? Oh, please. This pulp rag
lives or dies by my column.

Now, you get it done by today...

or you're gonna be decorating
bathrooms in strip malls.

Get out!

Mr. Luthor...

now, there's only one reason
a celebrity pays me a house call.

Right to the point.

Since you have a unique way
of exhuming...

even the most carefully buried

I have a little freelance
assignment for you.

I quit doing freelance
when I quit fetching lattes...

for pudgy-fingered newsroom vultures.

Well, I'll let you decide
what it's worth to you.

Fill in whatever number you want.

Just get me anything you can
on Clark Kent and Lana Lang.

Okay, how long do I have to do this for?

What was it you said?

"Yoga's glorified stretching
with chants."

A different perspective
from down here.

Yeah, well, this is a good way
to strengthen your core, trust me.

I didn't realize that my core
was in question.

You really wanna keep talking?


Oh, it's a scratch. Don't worry about it.

A scratch?

How did that happen?

- It was a fencing accident.
- With a real blade?

You know, the tip snapped off
and caught me.

Trust me, it looks worse than it feels,

I promise.

Thank you for all of the chakra
reorganizing, but I have to go.



Smallville. Sorry about the article.

It's bad enough to have
a broken heart...

but to have it splashed
all over the newspapers.

I guess that's what reporters do,
don't they?

Okay, I think that little zinger just
ricocheted off Linda Lake and hit me.

Look, I'm sorry.

It's just people keep secrets
for a reason.

I don't know.

If you ask me, I think a secret is
just a big loophole...

in the whole "Thou shall not lie"

There's just no gray area
with you, is there?

Not when someone I thought I knew
better than anyone...

has been keeping
the biggest secret of all.

What are you talking about?

What would you do if one day you
realized someone close to you...

had a serious hero complex?

Hero complex?

Hiding his true identity from everyone
he supposedly cares about.

You can't tell me you wouldn't find
something wrong with that.

Who exactly are we talking about?

Green Arrow, A.K.A. Oliver Queen.


Jimmy snapped photos of Green Arrow...

getting slashed in the arm
exactly where Ollie's arm is cut.

Plus, the time printed on the photos...

is exactly the same time Ollie
disappeared on me that same night.

When are you planning to unload
this theory on Oliver?

I need proof first. Definitive proof.

That's where I thought
you might come in handy.

I swear I'm losing my scare reflex
because of you.

- Lois asked me...
- oh, please, Clark.

Are you gonna tell me why you're
digging in Lois' purse, Snoop Dogg?

Wait, let me guess. You're covering for
the new pledge of your hero fraternity.

Last time Lois said she had a lead
on Green Arrow, she was bluffing.

She says Jimmy has shots
that'd help ID him.

He's moonlighting for Lois?

I guess we all have secrets to keep.

You should know that better
than anyone right now.

You knew that Lana was pregnant,
didn't you?


Before you unload your anger on me...

can I just say that I think
it is incredibly unfair...

that everyone trusts me
to keep their secrets...

then they turn around
and they throw me attitude...

for keeping someone else's secret.

Look, I'm sorry that I had to take
a two-second breather...

from hiding the fact that
you're an alien from another planet...

to protect someone else
for a change.


You had that coming, you know.

For the record...

I prefer "Intergalactic Traveler"
over "Alien From Another Planet."



Thanks for finally returning
one of my phone calls.

How much does Lana Lang's
personal life...

boost newspaper sales these days?

Okay. I was expecting that.

But to be honest, I was kind of hoping
you'd give me the benefit of the doubt.

I guess there's a shortage
of those today.

That article recites our conversation

Do you honestly think
I'd betray you like that?

What other explanation is there?

I'm not sure,
but the Lana Lang I know...

would at least give me a chance
to find one.

After Clark, I guess I'm so jaded...

I don't even know what to expect
from my friends anymore.

So I take it the conversation
didn't go so well.


- Clark left the Talon to go talk to you.
- About what?


I don't...

I should just put a bag over my head
that says:

"If you wanna keep a secret,
don't tell me."

What did he wanna say?

You two need to O.K. Corral it
on your own.

I've been blamed for putting words
in people's mouths enough for one day.

I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

I don't understand
how every intimate detail of my life...

is being leaked
into Linda Lake's column.

From what I found out,
her reconnaissance techniques...

aren't exactly from the
Journalist Code of Ethics.

I think it's time we turn the tables
on our little resident voyeur.

Hey, I got your call.
What's the 911?

I've been thinking.

Maybe your Oliver theory
isn't so far out there.

If he is the Green Arrow,
you deserve to know the truth.

Really? Because I've been doing
some thinking of my own...

and maybe I don't wanna know.

I went through the articles
on Green Arrow's crimes.

What if we just got off
on the wrong foot?

The rob-from-the-rich-
to-give-to-the-poor thing...

- that wins him some points.
- Are you feeling okay?

No, I'm not all right, Clark.
I think I'm in love with Oliver.

I don't know how you ever
let Lana go if you felt this way...

because I swear the guy could tell me
he was from Mars right now...

and I would find a way to dismiss it
as an endearing quirk.

Lois, you're like a pit bull on a pant leg.

You're never gonna let this go
until you know for sure.

I hate that you know me like that.

But I can't just pull a Lois
and ambush him. What if I'm wrong?

What if you never need to confront him?

Isn't this exciting?
Our first group movie night?

I mean, don't you
just love spontaneity?

Let me get it.
Clark. Come on in.

Let me get your jacket.

Thanks for having me over.

Lois, looks like you went all out.

Well, it's not a party until...

oh, no. I can't believe I did that.

You can't have cocktails without ice.

Don't worry, yours will be virgin.

You know what,
I'll run to the corner, I can...

No. No, I got it. My party, my bad.

You think she suspects anything?

- She's a little preoccupied.
- Then it's showtime.


they're chasing me.

I don't know how many there are,
10 maybe.

I shouldn't have cut down the alley.

Oh, my God, Oliver. Help me.

Good one, Lois.

Need some help?

You didn't tell me
there was gonna be real thugs.

They kind of made
an impromptu appearance.

Let her go.

Let's go! Come on, come on!

Your secret's safe with me, Oliver.

- You're...
- A hell of a thank you.

Did you just call him Oliver?

It was just a hunch.

All right, Lana,
you ready for your close-up?

I can't believe this is so easy.

Okay. How are my pearly
megapixels looking?

Crystal clear.
Since we're eavesdropping...

can you find out what else she has
on Lex and me?

Yeah, sure.
Do a little recon while we're at it.

Chloe, what is it?


Like tomorrow's headline?

And here I thought your hatred
was just professional jealousy.

Who knew you were covering
such a scandalous secret?

You're actually gonna stake your

on this tabloid garbage
that's not even fit for the Inquisitor?

Nobody's gonna believe you.

Oh, of course they will.
I have a very trustworthy source.


And, no doubt, if anyone
goes looking for proof...

well, I think they're gonna find it.

But I must say, I am impressed.
Here you were, sitting on a story...

that could have earned you
a major headline.

You chose to protect your friend instead.

Not a hard decision to make
when you actually care about someone.

It's values like that that keep
your career in the basement.

Don't you just love the Internet?

Did you know,
with just one touch of a button...

I can be on every major talk show?

And everyone at YouTube
will know that your farm-boy friend...

is really an...


Your credibility might be at stake...

when you're locked up
for Dawson's murder.

Mike Dawson drowned.
Do your homework.

It's in every police report.

Most police aren't from Smallville.
You remember Smallville, don't you?

You were a rookie reporter
for KSCW...

who went for the second
meteor shower.

Moth got too close to the flame...

and your news van took
a nosedive into Crater Lake.

My guess is you walked out
with some sort of special ability.

From what I found out, Mike Dawson
wasn't your first victim, was he?

Nobody likes an overachiever.

Hey, Sullivan.

You wanna rise above sea level,
you better sharpen those teeth.

- Oh, my God, she came out of nowhere.
- It's okay. She's gone now.


Hey, how are the secret adventures
of Lois and Jimmy?


Oh, my God, what happened
to your face?

You should see the other guy.

Who did that to you?

You can put your dueling pistol away.
It was just a workplace scuffle.

You were right about Lake.

Looks like we're two-for-two tonight.

I wanted you to be the first one
to take a look at this.

Check it out.

Green Arrow.
I got real pictures of him.

Face and all.

And this one's not yet rated.

I feel dirty.

Think about how Oliver feels.

Lois and Clark put this
scheme together...

because they thought Oliver
was Green Arrow.

Poor sucker comes around the corner...

catches her sucking lip
with leather daddy.

This, this is the real money shot.

Get ready to meet the Green Arrow.

No. No, no, this is not happening.

I had his face in the cross-hairs.
How could he be there...

and then just gone like the '90s?

Gone as in "faster than a thousandth
of a second" shutter speed?

Yeah. Weird.

I always thought he was super-cool.
I didn't realize he was superhuman.

- Clark.
- What's going on?

Lois was just telling me
about her exciting night last night.

Yeah, I don't know where you
disappeared to last night, Smallville.

Turns out
I was wrong about Oliver.

He's not the Green Arrow,
can you believe that?

And luckily Oliver showed up
when our hero was still around...

but looks like you were
way off base about him.

And the craziest part is he chucked
a guy across an alley, right?

- Oh, yeah.
- And then super-sped away.

I mean, who does that?

It's good Oliver showed up when he did,
then you knew for sure.

Oh, she knew before he showed up.

You did?

Ask her how.


I kissed him.

Isn't that romantic?

Oh, I'm sorry, Lois. Finish the story.

This is the best part.

Well, he was holding me in his arms...

and Ollie's a good kisser,
don't get me wrong.

But that Green Arrow...

he could teach Ollie a thing or two.


You took off early last night.
You okay?

I just keep running what happened
through my head.

Lana, you can't blame yourself.
It wasn't your fault.

That part I'm pretty clear on.

Look, nobody wanted to see her die...

but if you hadn't come
when you did...

it would've been my obit
on the front page.


Of section D.

Anyway, thank you. Again.

How do you do that?

Just brush it under the rug
as if nothing happened?

Lana, Linda wasn't the first
freak of nature who went psycho.


I mean, whatever it is
you're protecting about Clark.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

Some secret about a farm boy?

Made you take a hammer to her
computer before I could hear the rest.

Come on, Chloe, I'm not that naïve.

Whatever it is you two
have been hiding...

do you really expect me
to keep looking the other way?

Linda was grasping at straws.

She's always desperate
for her next story...

you know that better than anyone.


I would never do anything to hurt you.

That's what Clark always says.

I'm sorry that you had to find out
like this.

It's okay.

You don't have to tell me
every little detail of your life anymore.

Clark, we both know that a proposal
is more than a little...


And as messed up as it is...

you were the first person
that I wanted to tell.

Is that supposed to make me
feel better?

Clark, you said that
you didn't love me anymore.

And I tried to cut everything off,
but I'm not made that way.

Even if we're not talking...

you are still a part of my life.

And I'm not trying to deny it anymore.

I am trying to put it into perspective.

I guess we both need to do that.

Chloe said that you came by
to talk to me.

What was it about?

Whatever secret Chloe is helping you
to protect, Clark...


just once...

Just trust me.

Doesn't matter now.

Clark, don't do that.

I know about the baby.

Lex told me.

Everything's changed.

Even the fact that you told me...

that you look back at the past
and regret it every day?

Has that changed too?

I guess that I can't ask you
to see me the same way.


I hope Lex makes you very happy.

A million dollars for your thoughts.


My comic timing is the first to go
after my nerves.

You know, in all my life...

I've never made an offer
when I was afraid of the answer...

till now.

You have been so patient.

Doesn't feel like it.

I went to see Clark.


And I love him.

I love both of you
and maybe I always will.

Lex, I couldn't say yes to you, knowing
that I might look back with regrets.

You deserve better than that.

Lana, with the life I've led...

I go to bed praying every night
that I don't get what I deserve.

You get bitter...

and vengeful.

And then you meet someone...

who's so good...

that she might be the one person
who could learn to love you.

I would wait forever for that.

You don't have to.

I'm done looking back.

I have someone right in front of me...

who I know trusts me...

and who lets me see sides of him
no one else does.

So just for clarification...

Yes, Lex Luthor.

I will marry you.