Smallville (2001–2011): Season 10, Episode 15 - Fortune - full transcript

After Zatanna sends a magically spiked bottle of champagne to Clark and Lois for their bachelor/bachlorette parties, the gang blacks out after the toast, only to wake up the next morning and realize they can't remember anything about the night before. While trying to retrace their steps, Lois realizes she lost her engagement ring and drags Oliver back to the Fortune Casino where she thinks she lost it. The two run into Fortune, the eccentric casino owner, who accuses them of stealing money from him. Meanwhile, Clark tells Chloe he has a memory of stealing an armored truck the night before.


You look great.

Never hurts to change it up a little bit.

Except for the ring.

Never gonna take that off.
It's my sparkly little ball and chain.

Any second thoughts
about your girls' night out?

Clark, my swinging single days
have swung.

It's just all this wedding stuff
is very wedding-y.

I never thought I'd be that gal.

- Ahem. Lois?
- I think there's something missing.

Ta-da! Your bachelorette superpower-up.

Not bad.
I thought I'd be spending the night...

...cuffed to a blowup doll
while wearing a dog collar.

So with this thing...

...I will be drinking free all night long.
- Yes, she will.

Oh. Got it.

After all the years that I've known you,
I don't think I've seen you this happy.

Well, it wouldn't be the same
without you being here.

I just wish I could freeze this moment
in time forever.

Me too.

Unfortunately, the limo is here,
so we should go.

Oh, but before we do, a toast.

Oh, right. A toast. Sorry.
Forgot that one.

To the bride and groom.

You know, to friends.

You two amazing people have been the
best friends I could have ever asked for.

And we want you to know...

...that we are here for you... support you... you begin
your happily-ever-after adventure.

And tonight
is all about celebrating you.

And I hope you boys have fun

...but don't do anything I wouldn't do.

No. No, we wouldn't do that.

Okay. To the bride and groom.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.



What did you do?

What did we do?


Okay, he can just hang tight in there
while we figure this out.

- You don't think that we...?
- Exchanged vows?

- I mean...
- Said "I do"?

- Both...
- Did the deed? Oh, God.

Don't say the word "consummate."
The answer has to be no.

What if these are just costumes?

Right. We went to a costume party...

...dressed like the top
of a wedding cake? Clark.

Looks like things
got a little out of control.

Okay, before we go DEFCON 1
on the stag party snafu...

...let's just take a step back. Whoa.

I can't, Chloe. I have no memory
of what happened...

...which is weird, because alcohol...

Yeah, well,
my memory Etch A Sketch is blank too.

Must be more than champagne
in these bottles.

I didn't realize this was a gift.

"Congrats, Clark.
You deserve a real party.

Hugs, Zatanna."

She must have put a spell on these.

Complete with a memory-erase.

If Zatanna's mind-wipe affected you,
it could've affected Oliver.

It could have affected all of us.


Where's your phone?


Yes, this is Clark Kent.

You have my wallet downtown?

If your wallet was on the hood...

...that throws
the costume party theory out.

There's no sign of a driver.

You know,
maybe there's a number we can call.

- Whoa.
- Chloe, look.

I got a text message from last night.
And it's from Lois.

It says, "I just need more time."

What if she doesn't wanna be found?

What if all this got to her
and pushed her away?

Clark, okay, all of the taffeta and lace
and goofy traditions in the world...

...are not gonna give Lois jitters.

This is not the first time...

...that she has bailed
when things got real between us.

First time I kissed her she left town.

When she found out I was the Blur,
she went to Egypt.

Clark, your relationship
is at a different level right now.

Not to mention the fact that Lois knows
that you are the proverbial one.

And besides that,
weddings just aren't that scary.

I hope you're right.

Are those Emil's pants?

- Yeah, I found it in the back seat.
- What's that?

It looks like half
of a wedding certificate.

Missing one of the names.

Holy matrimony. That's my signature.

Clark, we really are married.

Emil. He wasn't drinking.

He'll have answers.
I'll call you after I find our friends.

Oh! Clark.

Are you okay?

Chloe, this killer headache
is affecting my abilities.

This might be more difficult
than I thought.

I just got an idea of where to start.

Excuse me.

Where did you get those shirts?

I had a gun in my hand

Drinkin' forty pounds for dinner
Till I met a big man

And the man said

One night and he's already famous.

Emil always was an overachiever.
Why don't you go take care of that...

...and I'm gonna call Oliver,
and I'll meet you at the Watchtower.


Let me tell you something

I was a hard drinkin' sinner
And I had blood on my hands

I was a hard drinkin' sinner
I had a gun in my hand

Drinkin' forty pounds for dinner
Till I met a big man

And the man said
How do we do

- Well, I pulled a lot of triggers
- Baby

Shot a lotta good men
Broke a lotta hearts

- Oh, yeah
- Hearts that never will mend

- But now I'm at the station
- That's my girl

- And I have made a new friend
- Oh

And my friend says
How do we do

- How do we do
- How do we do

How do we do

- Oh, the man said
- How do we do

And I'm feelin' reborn
I feel I'm anew

'Cause the man said
How do we do

Shake it, baby.

Oh, yeah

The one guy I counted on
remaining sober.

Do we know each other?

So you did have fun last night.

I'm looking for the girl
that came with me last night.

She insulted you more than once.

She was there when I dropped you off
but was gone when I picked you up.

At the Chapel of Love.

- The man said
- How do we do

And I'm feelin' reborn

Honey pie, come on over here.

- How do we do
- How do we do

Emil Hamilton,
can you step off the stage, please?

We got questions about an armored car
that was stolen last night.

Thank you very much, gentleman,
I plead innocent to all charges.

- I'm but a humble entertainer.
- Funny.

You can tell the judge
how you made it vanish into thin air.

Into thin air.

Oh, Clarkie. Oh.

There's only one person that I know...

...that can make an armored car adios
in seconds.

Take those.


Hey. Hey, watch it, buster.

- Sorry.
- Roll.



- Sorry.
- Good morning. It's okay.

Whoa, my head is pounding
like a mosh pit...

...and my mouth tastes like armpit. Hmm.


What happened?

I think the jury's still out...

...but I'd say we just survived
the world's greatest bachelor party.

Ugh, ha.
No offense, but speak for yourself.

My dream soiree
would end waking up...

...with someone a little taller, darker
and a different kind of handsome.

Well, no surprise there. How the hell
did we end up here, anyway?

Oh, I have no idea.

But in that green getup of yours, we're
gonna stand out like a hooker in church.

- What?
- Heh. Ha-ha-ha.

- Yeah.
- What is this?

You know what? I thought my drunken
blackout days were behind me...

Tell me about it.
Lanes can usually hold our liquor...

...but I don't have a single memory
of my big night.

So we'd better drop a line
to Clark and Chloe. They'll be worried.

Oopsie. I just realized something.

When I changed my pants,
I forgot all the important things.

Yeah. My cell phone's gonzo too.

A bummer, since this isn't
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

- It's okay. It's all right.
- You know what we're gonna do?

We're gonna find one of those
phone booths of yours...

...and call Clark,
everything's gonna be great.

Can't call Clark.

Sometimes, I don't understand...
What...? What's the problem, huh?

My engagement ring is gone.

Any luck on that armored car
it looks like I stole?

We don't have much time.
Emil is in prison now because of me.

Still searching for missing vehicles.

God, I feel terrible, I'm the one that
convinced him to drink that champagne.

Not your fault, Tess. Lois? Oliver?
Check their cell phones, credit cards?

Clark, the nanosecond that they use
technology, we'll have their number.

Oh. Looks like your get up and go-go
is long gone.

There's a gang breaking rocks
in my head, but I can make a sentence.

Chloe, do you wanna take this?

No, I think it's in good hands.

So no sign of Oliver.

And I just tried calling
the Chapel of Love, no answer.

I may have one.

An armored car company
that lost a vehicle.

From their security footage,
the same that Emil's accused of stealing.

Can you track this?

Yeah. I can activate the truck's
alarm system remotely, I think.

Clark, listen for a high-pitched tone.

- I hear it.
- Yeah, I can too.

You... You're beeping, Clark.

- Uh...
- Hmm.


I got it this time.

The morning-after mind-swipe
was a stinger...

...but the sweet smell of sewage
is clearing my head.

Lois, we're gonna find them, okay?

If Clark's with Chloe,
he'll take care of her too.

I know.
I was just checking out my single hand.

- My no-longer-engaged hand.
- Lois, you're still engaged.

You may just have to let go of the ring.
I tell you what.

My corporation, I may have lost it, but I'm
gonna buy you an identical rock, okay?

The last thing I wanna go around with
for the rest of my life... a lie propagated by my ex-boyfriend.
- Oh.

The ring Clark gave me was a symbol
of our love, of our future together.

It wasn't just any ring, it was the ring.
The big kahuna.

I waited to find somebody
who would get this wacky world view...

...and care enough to give me the ring,
and I lose it.

He's gonna understand.
He always does.

We cannot tell Clark.

I'll do whatever it takes
to get that ring back.

Relax, all right?
You're starting to do that twitchy thing.

There's something stuck in my bra...

That's not my territory anymore,
all right?

Cha-ching. Well, that's a first.

"Fortune Casino"?

Let me see that.

Oh, look at that.

Your pointer sisters gave us our clue
as to where we were.

- Yeah, right.
- Thank you, sir.

- Come on, hop in.
- Thank you. Oh.

I can't believe on my first
drunken night out I lose Lois...

...commit a felony,
and I land my friend in jail.

So reckless.

But oddly, Clark, very human.

And when this happens
to grooms the world over...

...his friends rally around him
and help make it all right.

Speaking of which, I just found
some very interesting information...

...down at the police station.

No Emil.

And no trace of his name
in any of the police records.

If Emil wasn't arrested...

...who were those cops?

Where's the money?

One more Elvis cover out of you...

...and you'll be eating
those blue suede shoes.

I do believe it's fair to say
that you are not the authorities.

And you are not the king of rock.

But you'll be just as dead
if you don't cough up the cash.

Listen, I already told you,
you got the wrong Elvis.

I... I didn't...
I didn't steal any armored car.

No, no, no. I got the right mug.

It was lady luck
that brought you to me.

I mean, what are the odds, huh?

That you would be
an overnight sensation...

...on the same night
that I was looking for you?

I mean...

It's a fallacy.

Just because the two events
are connected sequentially...

...doesn't mean they are causally.
- No, no. You are connected, my friend.

I mean, I didn't believe these yahoos
when they told me they were duped...

...but then I saw it for myself.


A monkey. Hee-hee-hee!

What is this?

- What you wearing?
- Don't move.

Watch this.

- Ta-da!
- Yeah!

It's you.

Here, let me bring it up.

Ahh! Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, pretty fancy smoke and
mirrors that you pulled off.

It's just... I...

I don't know what burns me more...

...the fact that you took my money
or the fact that you...

You took my lucky lemur.

It appears to me...

...that someone was trying
to prevent a robbery, not commit one.

Nice masks, boys.

Yeah. Big mistake.

You trying to protect your friends,
smart guy.

Break him.

This $500 baby here means
we were probably gambling.

And knowing you, blackjack, right?

That's my game.
I was three-time champ at Fort Dix.

Oh, my God, what if I bet the ring?

I don't think that would've happened.

I told you
never to come back here again.

No kidding. Huh.

Listen, I got a question for you,
my friend here...

...she lost a ring last night.
Do you have any idea...?

Your little card shark here,
she bet her engagement ring, yeah.

- Oh.
- Did I call it, or did I call it?

She was raking it in,
trash-talking the boss... he won the ring off her.

I don't wanna take you
for another ride.

No, no, wait.
Oliver, this isn't possible.

Not in this lifetime.

The only conceivable way that I would
bet the ring was if it was a sure thing.

No such thing in life as a sure thing.

Oh, yeah? What are you trying to say?

Was I scammed?

Let me guess,
your boss stacked the deck, right?

There is no way
I'm gonna let that creep...

...cheat me
out of my happily-forever-after.

- Here comes the bride.
- No.

- Hey!
- Easy does it.

Please put your hands together
for the Fortune Showgirls.

Come with me.

It's all right.

Ahh. I was so close, I could have ripped
my ring off his chubby little finger.

Not really feeling
your jewelry malfunction right now.

- It was so much more than that, Oliver.
- I know.

And now, to get out of this poker game,
we need a get-out-of-jail-free card.

- You think?
- You see that pole over there?

- We're going there. Okay?
- A little tied up right now.

You're a comedienne.
You're gonna lean against me.

All right? And we're gonna shuffle
over there in one, two, shuffle.

Go, go.

I should have known all this bridal
hoopla was too good to be true.

- Keep working.
- My prenuptial bliss...

...was just one right click away
from bridal apocalypse.

Oh. Okay.

You should really ease up on yourself,
Lois. You haven't ruined anything.

You still don't get it.

I did not wanna be the bride waving
her freak flag down the aisle, okay?

I wanted this to be perfect.
Not my normal mess.

We're all a mess, okay? Let's be fair.

Not Clark.

No, Clark would never lose his ring.

Have any idea
how much pressure there is...

...being engaged
to a walking perfection?

You have any idea how much pressure
there is fighting crime next to perfection?

You're free. Let's blow this pop stand.

No. Oh...

We're not leaving without my ring.

I thought we were past that.

Well, we're not.

Oh. Okay. Get back in, get back in.

- You got it? Okay.
- Yeah.

We'll be lucky to get out.

I didn't bring my Green Arrow gear
to the bachelor party.



The facial-recognition
from the security footage showed...

...the fake cops have criminal histories
linking them to this casino.

That is if they work
for this fearless Fortune.

Fortune Showgirls.

That means Emil could be in danger.

But all I see is a hothouse full
of chumps, suckers and high rollers.

I'll check the other room.
Try to blend in.



Give it up for the Fortune Showgirls.

Hey, big daddy.
Wanna give this girl some loving?

Do something.

Well, luck be a lady tonight.

You are an eyeful.

You know, like the tower in Paris.

You put these other hothouse girls
to shame.

Thanks, man.

That's her. The blond!

One of the crew
that stole the money.

Chloe, run!

- Get her! Get her!
- Hey.


Yes. Come to mama, sweetheart.

Come on.

Oh. There's my sparkly girl.

Come to mama.

I swear I will never bet you again.

You think I'm gonna let you run off
with my lucky ring?

I won so big today.

The only one getting lucky here tonight
is yours truly.

- Way to go all in, gorgeous.
- Back at you, hot stuff.

And we have a winner.

Wait, wait, wait.
I told you, gentlemen...

...I don't remember anything.
It's all a blank.

Yeah, you did,
but, you see, that's what they all say.

In the end, everybody names names.
It's just the business.


Wait a minute, that's it.

That's why Fortune
had you robbing his truck.

No, if my calculations are correct,
it's a scam. Right?

He reports the crime, and then the
insurance company doubles his money.

Except this time,
somebody actually stole his money.

Yeah, that was you, smart guy.

Oh, I really wish I didn't understand
the physics of this.

- Are you all right?
- Clark.


You're safe now.

Look, I need some answers
about what happened last night.

Get in line.


Congratulations on surviving
your boffo bachelor party...

...and the million-dollar
morning-after mistake.

There's still one thing we have to do.
Well, undo.

I got through to the chapel
and they told me...

...the friend masquerading
as the bride-to-be...

...was just a drunk prank, so...

- That's a relief.
- Yeah.

It was a fun ride while it lasted.

Kind of reminded me
of the good old days.

Yeah, but your new partner-in-crime's
got you covered.

Lois and I are pretty good together.

It's funny, it almost sounded
like you were saying goodbye.

I forget how well you know me.

My heart and my head
have been playing tug-of-war lately.

But I made my decision.

I have to break it to Oliver, but I won't
let a hero give up his world for me.

Chloe, you just got back.

You're the heart and soul
of Watchtower.

but I can't be Watchtower anymore.

I've already been the ghost
in the machine once...

...I can't do it again.

You know you've always been
much more than that to me.

I know.

In every epic tale there's always
one person who believes in the hero first.

Someone who helps inspire them
to greatness.

You know,
maybe it wasn't just a fluke with you.

I've been thinking
that's my true calling.

Finding heroes
and helping them realize...

...their true potential
beyond the reach of Watchtower.

You're not alone, Clark Kent.

In all my globetrotting
I have met several others like you.

A billionaire with high-tech toys...

...and a wondrous woman
who is gonna throw you for a loop.

Well, all that sounds amazing...

...and a bit lonely.

Well, that's why
I'm following your lead, Clark.

I've created a double identity
for myself.

You're looking
at the Star City Register's newest hire.

By day, of course.

I always knew that you were destined
for big things, Chloe.

And I know, no matter what,
we'll still be in each other's lives.

You know I'll always be here for you.

You know that, right?

I do.

Hey, hound dog.

You really rocked this town.

I suppose
that's supposed to be humorous?

It's just...

Well, it was a nice surprise... see our mild-mannered doctor
have a special power of his own.

I haven't done something like that

Well, since my wife passed away.

She used to love
to hear me sing to her.

Don't give it up.

She wouldn't have wanted you to.

All right. Listen up.
I have the smoking gun.

I haven't laid eyes on the footage yet
but I suspect...

...that inside this little puppy are
the answers to our burning questions.

- My camera. Of course. I forgot that I...
- Ahem. This looks really damaged.

... was documenting the entire evening.

- See if we can play this thing.
- Maybe...

I found it in a puddle of champagne
in the limo.

You know what we should do?

- No, no.
- Absolutely not.

There's sparkling cider in the fridge...

...which I am certain
Zatanna has not charmed.

We got this.

- I got it.
- Oh.

Uh... I'm so gun shy,
I don't even know if I can try it.

Here's the thing, Clark. I, uh...

I bet the ring.

I mean, I got it back, but...

Please forgive me.

Lois, there's nothing to forgive.

The ring is not what's important.

You are.

But I have a bit
of a confession myself.

When I woke up
and you were gone...

...I thought that I'd scared you away

Yeah, I'm sorry, I know that I have
the runaway girlfriend thing to...

Look, if all this wedding mess
is getting to be too much, then...

No, it's not that.


...hard to explain.

You don't need to explain.

I just want you to know...

...that if you're having doubts inside...

...or you're not 100 percent sure
that this is the right thing to do...

...I will understand.

I'm gonna wanna marry you
in five days or in five years.

That was the perfect thing to say.

Oh, and we're rolling.

File's corrupted,
but we'll see what we've got.

Ready for this?

- Clark!
- Sorry, you said you were cold.

Hey, uh...

...Lois, if you're watching this
20 years from now...

...just know
that you are the love of my life.

Uh... I'm really feeling this.

Mm. Mm. You... Oh!

Alcohol doesn't even affect me.

That's not whatl was imagining.

- Hey, Emil.
- Merry Christmas. Drink it.

Drink it. Drink it.

Oh, my God.

- I mean, are you really made of steel?
- Emil.

- Oh!
- Aah!

That was not...

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Whoo!

- Oh, this is good. How about this one?
- Well, we're two different...

You're not thinking this through.

These are... What the...?
How much did this cost you?

- Nothing.
- That's a woman's ring. All right?

Rings out of a vending machine.

She deserves better than that.


How about a little privacy there,
Blair Witch? Now.

I wouldn't be caught dead
in that thing.

- Beautiful.
- Looks so nice. Thank you so much.

- I need your help.
- Okay. Shh.

Oliver? Where are you going?

What? Ha-ha-ha.


- You know what, I... I can't...
- No, no. Stay.

- Bravo, sir.
- Monkey.


A monkey. Hee-hee-hee!


- Hey. Don't move.
- What are you wearing?

Don't move.

Watch this.

- Ta-da!
- Yeah!

- Clark saves the day.
- All right, all right. Here we go.

Check it out. Check it out.

I'd like to introduce you to somebody.

- What's his name?
- This is, uh... The doctor...

- Who?
- The lemur.

Let me tell you something, Tess.
Let me tell you something.

With being the king
comes a lot of responsibility.

Uneasy lies the head
that wears the crown.

You know whatl'm saying?

- Oh, look at you.
- Oh, no.

Don't be coy.

No, no, no.

- What you got?
- Oh, you can't handle whatl got.


Cut it out, get over here, baby doll.
See what you got. Oh.

Oh, don't be coy, honey. Come on.
Give me some...

- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, yeah.

- Okay, okay.
- Maybe now would be...

- Hey, hey, hey. No, no.
- Good time to hit the power button.

- You know where the power button is?
- Yeah.

- That's great stuff.
- I'm real proud of you.

- Do you know where the power...?
- Do you know where the power...?


Where you running off to so quick?

What are you doing?

I thought we were rendezvousing
at your place later.

You're leaving again, right?

- Oliver, I...
- It's okay, I can read between the lines.

Chloe, I never expected you
to sit up in that Watchtower...

...for the rest of your life.

I know better than that.

I have something... Wait.

I don't know what you're thinking...

...but I hope it's not that you're
gonna run off without your husband.

I hope you didn't take a job
in my hometown for nothing.

Let's get out of here.