Slings and Arrows (2003–2006): Season 3, Episode 6 - The Promised End - full transcript

Although Charles is clearly not a well man, he and Jeffrey manage to convince the rest of the cast of the canceled festival production of King Lear to put on the play at least once; but not in the original venue, now off-limits to a fired Jeffrey. The cast reunites for the one performance, healing rifts in friendships and giving the small but appreciative audience an electric night of theater.


Vicky, grant demson speaking.

File number f/45786/v,

New burbage festival claim
for $2,170,000.

Uh, name and title.

Geoffrey tennant,
artistic director.

Mr. Tennant, when
did you first realize

That your leading actor,
charles kingman, was dying?

When he shot up with
heroin in front of me.

Well, you knew that he'd been
given just 3 months to live?


But his contract
was for 9 months.

That's standard.

Mr. Kingman collapsed
how many times

During this process?

3 times in rehearsal,

And he collapsed
on both opening nights.

Richard: I thought
he was drunk.

Sorry. Um...

Hi, vicky.
Richard smith-jones here,

Executive director.

I thought it was
a conflict with his meds.

Ah, please.

How much time

Between your learning
of mr. Kingman's condition

And mr. Smith-jones'
discovery of the same?

2 weeks.

2 weeks? 2 weeks that
you withheld information?

I'm sorry, richard.

I couldn't tell you.

I know you think
I betrayed you,

But I couldn't break
a promise to a dying man.


Uh...That's, um...
That's enough. Thank you.

Thank you.

Can you...

Is there any justification
for doing what you did?

I believed
that charles kingman

Would deliver one of
the greatest lears ever.

We're done.
Pending review,

Mr. Smith-jones,
it appears

That your claim
is valid.

While your management
and awareness

Did not reach the threshold
of negligence,

They certainly are...

We will pay in full

With the proviso that miss
conroy is suitably reprimanded

And mr. Tennant
signs this.

What is that?

That is mr. Tennant's
letter of resignation.

Captioning made possible by
acorn media

Goddamn that asshole!
Did you see me?

I nearly punched him
in his fucking face!

Give me the letter,

What are you doing? No.

I have to show this
to the board first.

Why? They're just going to
tell you to fire me anyway.

Well, yeah,

Because it's cheaper
than letting you resign.

But wait. They do not
tell me what to do.

Give me the letter,

Don't you dare!

Geoffrey, come on.
You cannot resign.

Now, just take
a couple of days.

Cool off, you know.

This is fucking

He's right.
It's fucking bullshit.

Oh, would you both stop
being so upset for me?

It's very...


All right.

But it's bullshit.

I think you should take
a couple of minutes

And really think
about that geoffrey.

Don't sign that letter,

Don't sign that letter.


Fucking bullshit
going on!

Running away.
It's what you always do.

Don't you think,
for once in your life,

You should stay
and fight?

Don't bother.

Geoffrey, please.
This is your home.

It's your family.

Please, don't
leave me alone.

Oliver, wherever it is
that i'm going,

Please--and I do
underscore "please"--

Don't be there.

Anna, can you give
this to richard?

You're not going to
say good-bye?

I am...To you.

And i'm sorry
I got you into this.



What do you think
granny conroy would say?

She would say...

No pasaran.

No pasaran.

What does that mean?

It means
"never surrender."




You I will miss.

Me, too.

Good-bye, geoffrey.




Puro gordo.

He's gone.

Your bags are
blocking my way.

I've got
a cab coming.

I've got
a cab coming,

And like hell if i'm going to
let you leave first!

Ellen, there are

You know, there were
good actresses

Up for this role,

Better actresses,

Actresses who spent their lives
working in the theater.

I've been acting
just as long as you.

What you do
is not acting.

You put on a lizard queen's
costume and gesticulate.

You star in plays
by dead men

For no money
or audience.

You told richard
that charles was dying.

That was a betrayal.

I'd do it again.

You are a shallow,
vain, selfish bitch.

I came here
for one reason--

You don't think of
anyone but yourself!

One reason--to spend
a season with you.

And frankly,
I don't think

It was worth
the price.

What price?

Our friendship.

[horn honks]

Oh. There's my cab.

Come on, ell--

This is my house,

And I am going to have
the last word.

Uh, geoffrey...

We're still waiting
on barbara and ellen,

And you should know
that jerry...

Jesus. What
happened to you?

Bar fight.

But he wants you
to know that...

If you need him to go on
for charles,

He's there for you.

Well, um...[ahem]

The first thing
you should know

Is that our production
is cancelled.

Um...Charles is still
in the hospital,

And it doesn't appear as if
he's ever going to get out.

He has cancer.

I, uh...I made
a judgment call

In keeping his condition
a secret,

And for that,
as artistic director

Of the new burbage
theatre festival,

As of today...

I'll be stepping down.

What did he say?

He's leaving.



I've given my whole
life to this place.

I've been here ever since
it was under a tent.

I've played every duke,
lord, and first messenger,

Every one in the canon.

Now finally,
after all that,

This year i've made it
to broadway.

Sean penn finally got
to see our shakespeare,

Thanks to you.

Thanks to you.

Yes. You can't leave.

Well, um...

I'm sorry.

I am.

Best of luck with
what's left of your lives.

Well, I guess...

You're all



Woman on speaker: Dr. Murphy,
please call obstetrics.

Dr. Murphy, obstetrics.

I thought
you might turn up.


Wait. Why...

Why are you dressed?

Some sort
of remission.

Not a long one.

We don't have another
opening night tonight, do we?

No. No.

No. The "lear"
is cancelled,

And, uh...And I
have been fired.


So we're both


Want to go bowling?



Having fun?

Oh, yeah.
Getting my ass kicked.

I love it.

What else have
you got to do?

I could be sifting through
my job offers.


No. I'm never going to
work again.


Ha ha! Bedposts.

Excuse me?

A one and five

Nearly impossible
to make.

Then there's no point in
finishing the game, is there?

Oh, you still
have a chance.

The trick is you've
got to spin the ball

Along the edge
of the gutter.



Shaketh all cares
and business

From our age,

Conferring them on
younger strengths,

While we,

Crawl towards death.

But he doesn't
mean it, of course.

He doesn't really think
he's going to die.

No one does.

I don't.

That's the real
insanity of it.


I want to do
"lear" again,

All the way through
this time.

Sure, but first I...

I got to make this shot.

I don't like emergency
meetings, richard.

My marriage is ending.

I am so, so sorry.

Emergency meetings
mean time away

From screwing
my girlfriend.

What are you waving
around in my face?

It's geoffrey tennant's
letter of resignation.


So he's out?
He's gone?

Yes, but the integrity
that he brought

To this festival
over the last 2 1/2 years--


Richard, shut
the fuck up.

Will be imprinted
on all of us.

Oh, this is
good news, huh?

I mean, you play
your cards right,

You got
a job for life.

You think I could be
artistic director?

What? Ha ha.
No, you idiot.

What, you direct
one musical,

You fucking think you're
harold prince? Huh?

Then what
are you saying?

Here's what's
gonna happen.

You're gonna
go in there,

And you're gonna
tell them

We're striking
a search committee.

Oh, and i'd be
on it?

No. You'd be
the search committee.

You don't have to be
artistic director

Around here to be king,
and we don't want

geoffrey tennant...

In the way.
You follow me?

I follow.

Good man.
Now, come on.

Stand straight and remember,
they're all old.

So don't mumble when you
read tennant's letter.

This is your shot.
So don't blow it...

Big dick.


Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you so much for coming.

I have some news.

We can't do this.

We have no venue.
We have no set.

We have no costumes.
We have no props.

We have no cast.
Let's not forget that.

And if any of them
showed up,

They'd be blackballed
by the festival.

And to top it off,

You have not made it
through this play,

Not once,
not even close.

What makes you think
you can do it now?


Well, we've never had
a play in there before,

But I could show you
the space.

We just...We use it
for brownies.

Um...Are you...
Are you all right?

Who knows?

Oh. Ha ha.
Jesus christ.

Oh, sorry.


Well, a whole bunch
more resumes came in.

Oh, great.

More artistic

Oh, there are some
pretty impressive candidates.

Anna, they're just
looking for a theater

With a surplus
they can piss away.

Thank you.

Richard, are we...Ok?

Why, yeah.
Of course.

I mean,
you apologized.

I accepted
your apology.

We're friends.



Can you get me
a coffee?

I'm the associate

director here.

Anna, i'm asking you
as a friend.

Oh. Ha.

Uh, sophie.

We should talk?

There's nothing to say.
I was completely out of control.

The thing is, um...

I always thought that...

I mean,
I always assumed--

Please, paul.

The whole thing is
so very embarrassing.

It's just, um...
All I was...

What I was gonna
say was that, uh...

Could you not?

In fact, why don't we all
go out for a drink together--

You, me, and megan?

I mean, I feel like i've
been pretty unfair to her.


Uh, ok, sure.
We can do that.

After the musical
comes down tonight,

Like 10:30?

That's great. Ok.
I have a voice class.

So I guess i'll
see you there. Bye.

[door closes]

Mr. Waugh,
thank you so much

For coming in
on such short notice.

Oh, really,
it's my pleasure.


You're so young.

Yes. Well, I...
I started early.

How early?

17. That's
when I started

My theater company.
Since then,

I've traveled
with 37 productions

Across north
america, europe.

Have you ever worked
with the sierra system?

Uh...No, I haven't.

I have one
in the theater--

A million-dollar system.

It does lights, lasers,
wind, everything. No?

No, and that's cool.

But I don't really
think that theater

Is about technology.

I think it's about
what happens right now

In front of an audience.

Man: For me, richard,

Theater's very nature
is ephemeral,

And its only reason for being
is to tell us a story

That we absolutely
need to hear.

People are so sick
of being sold to,

Of being bombarded.

They want
a place to go

Where they can actually
hear the truth.

Oh...That was amazing.


I took a 2-week workshop

With laurie turbot
at the actors incubator.

Do you know her?

No, I don't know
of her at all.

Oh, she's fantastic.

But she has this way
of teaching.

It's called
the chroma technique.


Yeah. Have you
ever heard of it?

I'm sure I haven't.

The main idea is
that all emotions

Are like colors.

So before you start

You look at your script
and decide what are

The main emotions
your character is having

And what colors
they are.

So, before you
start rehearsing,

So you can sort of
attack the colors?


So, like, anger
might be red, right?

And sadness
is, like...


No. It's green,

That's surprising.

Yeah. Well,
then you just play

The colors you've
decided on.

That's so...Kind of

I wish we'd known this

When we started doing
"king lear," paul.

Oh, she's a totally
amazing teacher.

She has
all these sayings,

Like, "any line can be said
a thousand ways,"

Which totally makes sense,

And "there are no small parts,
only small actors."

No small actors,
only small parts?

No, no small...
No small...

Parts, only small actors.

Oh, that's great.
That's good.

Isn't it?

That's good.

She sounds...

I'll have a sea breeze.

Geoffrey: Ok. Charles kingman,
Monday night, "king lear."

Are you in?

But isn't he--

No, no, no.
He had a reprieve.

In fact, we went bowling.

Oh, look, ducky,
we've got jobs.

Ok, the only thing is we've got
to be quiet about this.

We don't want any news of it
to reach the ears

Of the evil richard.

We could have some trouble
with the new regime.

Maria, i'm relying upon you
to reassemble the company, ok?

Yeah. Yo! You!
Paul, over here!

I'm pretty sure
I can get everybody.

Well, everybody

Barbara and ellen.
God give me strength.

Ellen: The lifeless bodies
of our science team

Lie before you.

The hercalian ambassador
would have you believe

They were intending
an invasion.

But what of
the slaughtered children?

Were they invaders?

Were they killers
bent on domination?

If they were not, the ambassador
is not an honorable man.

He is a murderer.

Man: And the ambassador
goes for his laser.

Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him!
Shoot him! Shoot him!

Ok, the laser's
knocked out of your hand.


Aah! Aah!


Cut it! Cut it!
Cut it!

Cut! Cut!
Check the gate.


It's fantastic.

I love it.
It's so comfortable.

No more drafty
rehearsal halls,

No more chipped
cups in the sink.

And everyone
is so nice.

So you're...Happy?

I've never been
so happy.

Are you really happy?


Oh, i'm fucking

never time

To talk
about anything--

Not a scene,

Not even a line
of dialogue.

If you ask
a question,

They say, "oh,
don't worry.

Just shoot
the alien."

I've developed
a new appreciation

For barbara.

Well, why don't you call her,
then, and tell her that?

Are you kidding?
She hates me.

And after the way we
left it, I hate me.

Well, how about
a face-to-face, then?

St. Aiden's,
Monday night...

One performance
only, "king lear."

That's all that
charles figures

He has left in him.

You two are insane.

Maybe. So?

No, I can't. Sorry.
It's my schedule.

It's a conflict
with everything.

Besides, i've
given up the theater.

Well, if that
is true,

And if you are done
with the theater,

Then I have this
to say to you--

Thank you,

Because you are,
without question,

The most aggravating,

Infuriating actress I
have ever had to direct.

Oh, shut up, geoffrey,
and fuck off!

You are also
the most passionate,

The most sensual,

The most...

All right, i'll do it.

Can you...

Can you
call barbara?

Well, after
an in-depth process

Of communication
and consultation

With and within
the theater community,

I am very pleased
to finally be able

To recommend
your new artistic director.

He's a man with a long
and fruitful association

With the new burbage festival,

A man with an impeccable
international reputation.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I am very pleased to give you...

Darren nichols!


Thank you.

Let's talk
box office.

[alarm blaring]

Anna, what
the hell is that?

Calm down, richard.

Somebody left the door open
in the costume shop.

Yeah. Where
are you going?

Nowhere. A play.

A play? What play?

Darren nichols,

Anna, get back here.
I need...

[alarm continues blaring]

Hello. Where's nahum?

Ah, maria, I see you've worked
your dark artistry again.

Save it, geoffrey.

It's called theft.
Do we have barbara?

Oh, she should
be here any minute.

Goddamn it, if I have to cancel
this play one more fucking time!

Ah. Nahum. Fantastic.

Can you get your friends
there, los perdidos,

Up on the stage?

I need them there
for the storm scene

Because I lost that whole
sierra thingy.

Ok, everybody,
listen up.

The rule of thumb
for blocking for tonight

Is that if you can see
an entrance here or here,

Well, then the audience
will be able to see you up here,

And I think
we should start with...

Well, we should just start.
Cyril and, uh...

And, uh...

Ok, where the hell
is jerry?

His wife says
he's on his way.

Ok. Good. Well, all right.
No panic, then.

15 minutes,

It's just, the thing is,
he has the first fucking line!

I begged, geoffrey.

I left message after
message after message.

Do you mean you never
actually spoke to her?

Oh, sweet jesus!

I'm sorry i'm late.

We were stuck
at la guardia for an hour.

We had the 15
5 minutes ago.

Ok, the kitchen
is the dressing room.

But stay here.
The light's better.

Geoffrey, get the hell out
of the women's washroom.

I'm checking
on charles.

the tv show?

Oh...I quit.

Oh, god.
I love you, ell.

You are
such a disaster.


Hey, charles, just checking in.
You feeling ok?

We're going to make it
all the way through the play?


Ok. Well, we're almost
at "places."


I need to
ask you a favor.

[indistinct conversation]

Charles: Uh...Excuse me.


It touches me deeply
to be able to do this play

With such a fine
professional company,

Even if it's
only for one night,

And I just want to thank you,
all of you.

Sophie, I have
a few words for you.

Keep up the pace in act one,
or i'll smoke you.

You're on, old man.



One teeny

Executive director
richard smith-jones

Wants you to know
that any member

Of the new burbage

in this performance

Will find their contracts
under serious reconsideration.


old fuckers.

I need the house,

Well, we can't start
without jerry.

I've got jerry.

Where the fuck were you?

At the hospital,

Where they just took
the stitches out of his jaw.

Oh. You look good.

[slurring] i'm having
a little trouble

With my diction,
but really i'm fine.

I thought the king
had more affected

The duke of albany
than cornwall.

Maria: House
is open, geoffrey.

Jesus! It's not
like kent just comes on

And moves around a couple
pieces of furniture.

He's the moral center
of the play!


My therapist
can do it.

He addresses
whole congregations.

In iambic pentameter?

Ok. Well, jerry can
walk through the part.

Maria, you'll
yell out his lines.

We could bump up
an apprentice.

What apprentice?

Look, I can't
do it, ellen.



Sure. Anywhere
you'd like.

Program. You're
quite welcome.

I think frank and I are
going to quit the theater,

Start a garden shop
on main street,

You know, sell seeds
and trowels

And little concrete
garden gnomes.

You know, cyril, this
really is not helping.

So sorry.

Maria: Places, everyone.
Here we go.

Break a leg.


You're on first.

I thought the king
had more affected

The duke of albany



It did always
seem so to us,

But now, in the division
over the kingdom,

It appears not which of
the dukes he values most,

For equalities
being so weighed,

Curiosity in neither
can make choice

Of either's moiety.

Do you know my son?

His breeding, sir,
hath been at my charge.

I have so often blushed
to acknowledge him

That I am brazed to it.

Maybe you can
conceive me?

Maybe not.

Poor cyril.
Look at him.

He's talking
for two people.

But then again, you
do that all the time.

Not now.

I know. You begged
me to stay away.

I thought you might
need assistance.

This is not assistance.

Some year elder
than this

Who yet is no dearer
in my account.


This is a nightmare.

Well, think what it must
be like for charles.

If you don't get
past this part,

He won't even get to
say his first line.

Oliver, what's my line?

Big breath.

Feel your back.
I'm right here.

Now, you know this
inside and out.

[clock ticking loudly]

[inhales deeply]

I must love you
and sue to know you better.


Ah, here comes
the king.

Attend the lords of France
and burgundy, gloucester.

I shall, my liege.

Meantime, we shall express
our darker purpose.

Give me the map there.

Oh, thank god.

Now let's just pray
this next exchange

Doesn't blow
this place up.

Sister, it's not little
that I have to sayeth

What most nearly
concerns us both.

I think our father
will hence tonight.

That's most certain,
and with you,

Next month with us.

[voices continue]

The tv star
is not bad,

And ellen's much better
since you came back.

Ok, let's talk about
the next scene.

You know, kent's
been banished,

But he doesn't want
to abandon the king.

We have to hear that
in your speech.

Look, I know what
the scene is about.

No, you don't. You think
it's about you.

It's not.
It's about charles.

So put your
attention on him.

Protect him, serve him,
keep him alive.

That's what
kent would do.

A higher purpose.
And you're on.


Lear: Let me not stay
a jot for dinner.

Go, get it ready.

How, now.
What art thou?

A man, sir,

A very honest-
hearted fellow,

As poor
as the king.

What wouldst thou?


Who wouldst
thou serve?


Dost thou
know me, fellow?

No, sir.

But you have that
in your countenance

Which I would feign
call master.

What that?



Cue the bolivians.


[sounds of thunder
and rain]

Blow, winds,
and crack your cheeks!

Rage! Blow!

You cataracts
and hurricanoes!

Spout till you have
drenched our steeples,

Drowned the cocks!

You sulphurous and
thought-executing fires!

Vaunt-couriers to
oak-cleaving thunderbolts!

Singe my white hair!

And thou all-shaking
thunder, smite flat

The thick rotundity
of the world!

Crack nature's moulds!

An germens spill at once,

That make ingrateful man!

I've always said
a tin sheet and a great actor,

That's all
you really need.

You'd have had

The sierra system
going full-tilt--

Fog, thunder,

Christ, you'd
have had charles

Cowering in a corner
chewing his hair out,

And all because
of your fucking head games!

I resent that...

Oh, do you?
Well, you're the one

Who's been terrified of ever
getting back on a stage.

You ruined my career,
you ruined my life,

And you made me cry
in front of strangers!

I wonder if there are
still programs.

Don't you
dare leave.

I've heard
this monologue,

And you're not
doing it very well.

Oh, that's hilarious.
Now listen to me--

Isn't that your cue?

All patience.

Oh, fuck!

I will say nothing.

Alas, sir, are you here?
Things that love the night

Love not such nights
as these--

The wrathful skies gallow

The very wanderers
of the dark

And make them
keep their caves.

Are you ready
to poison me?

Yes. First
i'll poison you,

And then i'll stab
myself in the heart.

[soft laughter]

I could have done this
all summer, you know.

Me, too.

O my dear father,

Restoration hang my medicine
on my lips.

And let this kiss repair
those violent harms

That my two sister have
in thy reverence made.

Lovely, isn't she?

Was this a face
to be opposed

Against the warring winds,

To stand against the deep
dread-bolted thunder

In the most terrible

And nimble stroke
of quick, cross lightning?

Mine enemy's dog,
though he had bitten me,

Should have stood that night
against my fire.

Whatever you do--

What now? What else
am I being blamed for?

Your erectile

Your credit rating?

Oh, for god's sakes.
Listen to you.

You sound like
a drama queen.

Me? That's the pot
calling the kettle--

Shh, shh, shh!

Lear: ...And upwards
not an hour more or less.

And to deal plainly,

I feel i'm not
in my perfect mind.

Do not laugh at me.

For as I am a man,
I think this child...

To be my daughter...


Listen to that.
Charles is like...

Breaks your
fucking heart.

Cordelia: Will it
please your highness...

What are we
doing here,

You and I?

Lear: You must
bear with me...

Putting on a play.


We're putting on
a play.

Lear: I'm old...

This isn't
about us, is it?

And foolish...


It never was.

Come. Let's away
to prison.

Geoffrey, I think
i'm gonna go.

What? Now?

I know, usually
I go to the party,

And after 12 drinks,

Try to try to pick up
the bartender,

But I think i've done
everything I can here.

So, um...Good-bye.

Well, what about
the ending?

Oh, the ending will
take care of itself.

Go on. You won't
be alone.

Man: Here comes kent.

Don't make them wait.





All of you
are men of stones!

Had I your tongues
and eyes,

I'd use them so that
heaven's vault should crack!

She's gone...Forever.

I know when one is dead
and when one lives.

She's dead in there.

Lend me a looking glass,

That if her breath,
her mist,

Will stain the stone,
well, then she lives.

Alex 57, go.

And stand by for
curtain call, everyone.

[lear crying]

Lear: And my poor fool
is hanged.

No...No, no life.

Why should a dog, a horse,
a rat have life,

And thou no breath at all?

She'll come no more.





Pray you undo
this button.

I thank you, sir.

Do you see this?
Look on her. Look.

Her lips...

Her lips...

He faints.
Milord, milord.

Break heart,
I prithee. Break!

Look up, milord.

Vex not his ghost.
O, let him pass.

He hates him who would upon
the rack of this tough world

Stretch him out longer.

He's gone indeed.

The weight of this
sad time we must obey.

Speak what we feel,
not what we ought to say.

The oldest hath borne most.

We that are young...

Shall never see so much
nor live so long.







Pretty good, eh?

You. Why, you.


Why aren't you out there
for the curtain call?

Why aren't you?

Oh, my god.


How long has this
problem been solved?

About 8 seconds. You know,
I could relapse, though.

Maybe we should just
skip the curtain call.

Oh, my god.

I know.

But we have to do
the curtain call.

And by the way,
the answer is yes.


The answer is yes.
It's always been yes.

You know, ellen,
I just shuffled off

A really long
psychotic episode.

Yes to what?

figure it out.







No apologies, please.

I remember getting laid
in my dressing room

At the old vic

After a matinee
of "oedipus rex."

Um...We were, uh...

Just leaving.


It was a great show.

Yeah...It was.


Any notes?

So...That's what
they were thinking.

A leave of absence?

Yeah. Well,
it's not me, anna.

It's the board.

They're pretty upset.

You know, they want
some consequences.

Just say it, richard.
Say it. "you're fired."

Anna, i'm not firing you.

You're firing me.

No, anna, I don't
fire friends.

Richard, we're
really not friends.

Ok, come on, anna.

That's...That's just the way
you feel right now, you know,

At 10:15 in the morning

On whatever day it is
in whatever year, you know.

You know. Besides,
you're upset.

So I think that
invalidates your opinion.

All right,
i'll do it myself.

I do everything else
around here.

Anna, you're fired.
Go clean out your desk.

Anna, I am not
firing you, ok?

I don't fire friends.
I don't. I...Please!



You're not
firing me.

Yeah. Good.

Oh, anna, don't cry.

Look, I know you're upset--
charles dying and everything.

It's not charles.

It's you.

You came so close,


To becoming
a human being.

But you lost
your soul,

And now you're
just a fool.

Ok, anna,
clean out your desk.

Thank you, richard.


Ok...So, you know
the routine.

I face the empty
chair, and I talk.

Talk to oliver.



Hi. How you doing?

Oh. Yeah.

Let me see. Uh...

Oh, anna is finally
taking a vacation...

In bolivia.

Well, apparently
there's some kind

Of counterrevolution
going on,

But i'm told that
anna has taken up

With the leader of
the revolutionaries,


Oh, god, well...

Richard...Ha ha.

Richard is directing
next season.

Yeah. "oklahoma."

In fact, he has
announced his intention

To work his way through
the entire canon

Of rodgers
and hammerstein.

God help us all.

Oh, ellen. Well...
Ellen is being sued

By the producers
of that tv show,

And she
kind of said,

More or less said,
you know,

"go ahead.
Take it all."

So they did.
They took her house,

Which is why we're
moving to montreal.

Well, I kind
of thought

That I would

My old
theater company--

sans argent.

I think it could
work, you know.

It's bilingual,
for a start.

Good work.

Um...I'm just...
I'm not quite done.

And as for charles,
well, I, uh...

Would imagine you
know all about him,

And thanks
for all of that.

And, uh...
And as for you...

I want
to thank you...


And I want
to curse you,

And I have to say
good-bye now, oliver.

I love you.

I wish you could
be here today.

Well done.


Now, if we could hurry,
I have a wedding to minister.

Do you know how to tie
one of these things?

Uh, no.
Sorry. I don't.

What do you mean? You do
thousands of weddings.

I marry people.
I don't dress them.

This bowtie's a disaster.
The whole thing's a disaster.

Well, maybe you
should just call

The whole thing
off then.

What are you talking about?
I already said yes.

Captioning made possible by
acorn media

Captioned by the national
captioning institute

♪ I should have been
an actor ♪

♪ such talent have I got ♪

♪ i'm brilliant
at pretending ♪

♪ i'm someone
that i'm not ♪

♪ when I was very small ♪

♪ they sent me
off to school ♪

♪ to learn to read and write
and recite the golden rule ♪

♪ I wasn't very clever
nor the least bit smart ♪

♪ but I acted
like a scholar ♪

♪ and I played the part ♪

♪ I played the part ♪

♪ he played
the part ♪

♪ to great acclaim ♪

♪ I got an "a"
on every paper ♪

♪ and I couldn't
spell my name ♪

♪ I played the part ♪

♪ he played
the part ♪

♪ and that was it ♪

♪ he did his bit ♪

♪ nobody knew I was
a lazy little git ♪

♪ lazy git ♪

♪ when I was 17,
they sent me off to war ♪

♪ they stuffed me in a parachute
and dropped me on the shore ♪

♪ I didn't know a rifle
from a cherry tart ♪

♪ but I acted like a soldier,
and I played the part ♪

♪ I played the part ♪

♪ he played
the part ♪

♪ I gave them heck ♪


♪ they put a stripe
upon me elbow ♪

♪ and a medal
round me neck ♪

♪ I played the part ♪

♪ he played
the part ♪

♪ and that was that ♪

♪ he laid them
flat ♪

♪ nobody knew I was
a scaredy little cat ♪

♪ scaredy-cat ♪

♪ I played the part
of the loyal husband ♪

♪ while I kept
a little cutie safely hid ♪

♪ safely hid ♪

♪ I played the part
of the trusty employee ♪

♪ and I hadn't the foggiest
notion what I did ♪

♪ rotten kid ♪

♪ when I have come to pass,
they'll send me to my fates ♪

♪ at heaven's pearly gates,
that is were saint peter waits ♪

♪ i've been a sneaky devil
from the very start ♪

♪ but i'll act like i'm an angel
and i'll play the part ♪

♪ i'll play the part ♪

♪ he'll play
the part ♪

♪ but knock them dead ♪

♪ he'll knock
them dead ♪

♪ i'll put a harp
between my knees ♪

♪ and a halo
atop my head ♪

♪ i'll play the part ♪

♪ he'll play
the part ♪

♪ and do it well ♪

♪ he will excel ♪

♪ and i'll be sent with the
other actors straight to hell ♪

♪ straight to hell ♪

♪ i'll be sent with the other
actors straight to hell ♪

♪ i'll go to hell ♪