Slings and Arrows (2003–2006): Season 2, Episode 5 - Steeped in Blood - full transcript

Ellen confuses her auditor with a confessor but graduates to adulthood with the final tally of her back taxes. The police have developed a keen interest in Sanjay, whose real name is not Sanjay. With the veteran actor playing Macbeth dismissed for having a bloated ego, his understudy preps for the spotliglight.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
So, we have your cpt-56,

A number of charitable

And your gst 74s,
and that's good,

But I still don't see
those t4a's.

Miss fanshaw?

You know, I haven't been this
intimate with anyone in years.


I'm sorry.

Don't pity me,
miss picky,

Miss perfect.

You sit there
at your desk thinking

"why doesn't she get
a real job?

Why isn't she
in a relationship?"

I had sex with
my brother-in-law.

Is that what you
wanted to hear?

I don't even like him.

He wears old spice.

But he called me an idiot
and I can't stand criticism.

You had sex
with your sister's-

Look I know what
you're going to say.

I've been very irresponsible
up until now.

I don't plan,
I just react.

I know that.

You know what
I think it is?

What I'm afraid
of deep down?

That if I start
being responsible

I'll stop being an artist.

Isn't that ridiculous?

we have to wrap this up.

I'm through with
who I am right now.

I hate who I am right now.

I'm taking control
of my life.


Well, um,
we have to stop.

What do you mean stop?

Well I'm sorry,

But if I can't
complete your audit

Within the mandated
time period,

I'm required to impose
a settlement.

So soon?

But I think we're making
progress here.

Yes, we are.

Do you think we could move
to an hour and a half session?

? call me superstitious ?

? or cowardly or weak ?

? but I'll never play
a character ?

? whose name
one dare not speak ?

(crowd laughs)

? I'll play hamlet
in doublet and hose ?

? or either of the dromeos ?

? but sorry,
I won't play mackers ?

? I'll play richard the third
with a hump and a wig ?

? or henry the eighth
that selfish pig ?

? but sorry,
I don't do mackers ?

? every soul that plays
this role ?

? risks injury or death ?

? I'd rather sweep
the bloody stage ?

? than ever do mac -
you know who ?

? so gimme king lear, ?

? cleopatra, ?

? romeo and juliet,
it doesn't mattra ?

? I'll play them all
for free ?

? but I'd be crackers
to take on mackers ?

? you see I'm skittish
about the scottish tragedy ?

? och aye! ?

(enthusiastic applause)

(telephone rings)






Yeah, no problem.


No, I, I don't know
where he wa-

Where he is.
I uh...

I wasn't at the bar
last night so...




(sleep moan)

Patrick, wake up.

Rehearsal's cancelled.
That was maria.

There's some problem
with macbeth, or...

Did maria know
I was here?


Oh thank god.

Oh god.

Are you sorry we did it?


Then what?
Afraid people will laugh?

I know people are gonna laugh.

Was I your first woman?

(chuckles nervously)


I was making it up
as I went along.

You've got strong
improvisational skills then.

You were pretty good too,

Thank you.

You're welcome.


that's fantastic.

You have to tell me
to shut up

Or I'll just blab on
about myself.

No, I love it.

You're a fantastically
complicated character.

Me? Get out.

No, really.

You seem like
a corporate robot

Sitting behind
a desk all day.

Don't take that
the wrong way -


'cause you're not.

That's my point.

Still waters run...


Not that deep,
I warn you.


I have new scenes.

Would you mind, um...

No, no, no,
no problem.

Okay it's just
the top two

And you can leave
the bottom three.

Morning, anna.

Uh, any messages
from sanjay?

I'm sorry, what?

Any messages or faxes
from sanjay?

Uh, no.

Uh, henry's agent's
been calling, though.

Oh what does he want?

To sue us,

He's pretty upset
about henry being fired.


You didn't hear?


Well, uh,

Geoffrey and henry
had a big fight

And geoffrey took him
out of the show

And jerry's going
on tonight.

Oh my god, anna!

Why didn't you
call me about that?!

I did,
but you didn't answer.

Jesus christ!
You can't leave a message?

Call back-

Where's geoffrey now?


Probably still in bed.

I'd try the storage room.

The storage room,
of course.

I mean, why not?

The whole world's
going nuts, right?

Brian, I'm just going to let
him stew in his own juices

For a little while.

I mean, this is obviously
some rather dubious attempt

To assert his crippled
little manhood.

No, I'm at home.

Hey listen,
why don't we get together

For a beer later on?

All right.

I'll see you then.

(banging on door)

(door handle jiggles)

I'm sleeping!

(banging on door)


Geoffrey, for god's sake
we have to talk about this!

You can't shut me out.

You quit remember?

You washed your hands
of the show.

So why don't you just crawl
back into your grave?


Crawl back
into my grave?

Oh I'm sorry.

if this is about henry,

What's done is done,

And it's better
this way.

Jerry knows all the lines.
He'll be fine.


The only reason that we're
selling any tickets at all

Is because
of henry breedlove.

He's defying my direction.

He's in another play entirely,

And he's infected
the whole cast.

Now I know you're worried
about your job-


I'm worried about the future
of the entire festival.

Now what is the point
of putting on a play

If no one comes
to see it?!

Which would you prefer?

An empty house
with a great play,

Or a full house
with a piece of garbage?

Garbage! Garbage!
I want garbage!

Alana, I explained all this.

I can't pick up the kids
after rehearsal,

I need the time
to learn my lines.

Forget about
the buttonhole, maryann,

There's no time!

We'll just stitch him into it

And tell him that
he can't pee

Till after curtain call.

Please, just...

Could you for once
in your life...

Yes, it's a big deal.

It's macbeth,
for crying out loud!


Oh what is it?

Oh for god's sake
you silly twit!


I need to go over
your tops and bottoms

Before the fight

I'll be right there.

I have to go.
I love you.


Hey, jerry,
how you doing?

Oh terrific,

My wife hates me,
but that's nothing new.

Okay, good.

Okay the moment right after
the murder...

You come downstairs,

I think he doesn't know quite
what to do with his hands.


Too much?


You're right.


All you really have to do
is connect.


I really need you
to hold still for this.


With the other actors.

And don't worry
about anything else.

You're going to be living
moment to moment.

That's exactly how macbeth
is living.

So just ride with it.

Geoffrey I think there's
something you should know.


These past few months...

My wife and I are separating.
We're in couples counselling.

He's siding with her...
It's messy.


I wasn't really expecting
to go on.

Nobody does.

I know the soliloquies cold.


It's the stuff in between
I'm not really sure of.

You mean the parts
where you have to talk

To other people
on the stage?




Let's hope they fit!

Be still!

(clank of swords)

Shit! Sorry.


Okay, uh, let's lose
that cape, cloak thing

And uh,
do it again.


You're late.

Stop this.

This is a pissing match,


You're threatened
by henry

And you're making the rest
of us suffer for it!

I have tried every possible way
to get through to henry,

But I'm at the end
of my rope.

There are other actors
in this play.

That's my point exactly.

Like me,
for instance.

This is a fucking
hard part.

You know, ellen,

I would really love
to continue this tete a tete,

But I've got a million things
to do before tonight.

God you're sound
exactly like oliver.

(clang of swords)

It's going to be okay.

Listen jerry-

Don't worry.
I'll be there for you.

Hey man,
no sweat.

I can cope with whatever
you give me up there.


Just keep the blade away
from my eyes, okay?

Sure, yeah.

I don't see why

My production has to suffer

Because geoffrey tennant
has another bout of lunacy.

I'm sorry.

The understudy
has to be put in

And with the crossover casting
we're stuck.

Your rehearsal is cancelled.
I'm sorry.

You're sorry?
How familiar.

Hello darren.



Oh, I have your pages.

(annoyed sigh)

I had a chance to proof read
the script

And I noticed there's
a new character.

She's sort of like me,
isn't she?

Which one?


Why do you say that?

she's from winkler.

Her grandfather
was a hutterite.

And she has an accident
with a dairy machine.

I told you that story.

Did you?

I forgotten that.

I-I guess it just
got under my skin.

I can take it out
if it bothers you.

Annette just came to me.

She's innocent
and brave

And extremely sexy

In this improbable way.

Yes, she is like you.

Do you mind me...

Using it?

No, I guess you
can use it.

But henry was our draw!

And the numbers are already
way down

Because of that
fucking campaign!

Richard don't do that.

Don't go negative,

My team heard that.

They're working very hard
for you!

I'm sorry, I know.

But we are in previews,

To half empty houses!

Half full houses richard!

Don't say that!

Look, richard,

The numbers are down
because your new audience

Is on a different buying cycle.

What audience?!

Your former subscribers
were older,

They planned ahead,

They knew where
they were going to take

Their vacation next year.

They took their pills on time.

Your new audience is younger,

They're impulsive,
they plan poorly,

Their buying cycle
runs very fast.

But when they come,
they will come in hoards.

Trust me.


It'll be a youth quake,

Is your clarinet there?

It's here.

Play something.


Let your love of music
be a balm

For your troubled soul.

And while you do that
I will do my job.

All right.

Bye, richard.

(licks reed)


Their are a couple
of police officers here.

They want to talk to you.

Well, well send them in.

Are you in trouble?

No anna I'm not in trouble.

Send them in.

Gentlemen, can I help you?

Sorry to interrupt you
but uh...

Do you know this man?

That's sanjay rainier.

I'm sorry.

What name did you say
he's using now?

(murmur of crowd)

Five minutes, jerry.

Break a leg.

So emily is going to be
stage right

Just in case you dry.

All you have to do
is connect.


And well,
keep up the pace.

Pace. Right.

And, you know,
be macbeth.


You're going
to be great.

Now is there anything
I can get you?

Do you want water?
Puke bucket?

Fisherman's friend?

I'll be fine.

If only I didn't have
to pee every five minutes.

Ladies and gentleman,

Welcome to tonight's
preview performance of macbeth.

I have one announcement
to make.

The role of macbeth,

Usually played
by henry breedlove,

Will be played
by jerry appleby.

(crowd boos loudly)

Ah pfft.

They're going to love you.
Everybody loves an underdog.

excuse me.

(loud barf)

(passionate kissing)

Rip my shirt off.


Yes, rip it off.

I can't.


It'll get wrecked.

That's the point.
Just rip it!

(one button clatters)

Oh shoot.
Where did it go?

Forget about it.

Oh I think it rolled
under the bed.

Forget about
the damn button.

Um, I have a-
I have a needle and thread

In the bedside cab-


I'll need the serger.


Places please.

Places for the top of the show.

Have fun...

I'll see you in the wings
stage left.

Break a leg.

House to half.

House lights out.

And go witches.

(deep inhale)

Thrice to thine,
and thrice to mine,

And thrice again
to make up nine.


The charm's wound up.

what's my line?


so foul and fair.

So foul and fair.
So foul and fair.

so foul...

So foul and fair a day
I have not seen.

What are these,

So wither'd and
wild in their attire,

That look not like
inhabitants of the earth

And yet are on it.

Don't bother gloating.

I've just come
to watch the carnage.

Shit! Shit!
(flips pages madly)

He's jumped three pages.

Sound cue 17 go.


Act one scene five.

Enter lady macbeth.

The stripping scene.

I still think
it's a very interesting idea.

Oh come on,
it's a terrible idea, brian!

It's unplayable.

Did you ever try it?

Why waste everyone's time
on an idea

That I know is worthless?

Where are you going?

I'm off to see
the naked macbeth.

Are you coming?

Are you mad?
I want nothing to do with it.

Henry, you are a good actor

But you're in danger
of becoming a hack.

Mired in technique

And afraid to try anything new.

Look the only thing
I'm afraid of

Is looking like an idiot.

Exactly my point.

If it fails

That validates your position,
doesn't it?

Or are you afraid
it might be good?

We love him highly

And shall continue our graces
towards him.

By your leave,

(crowd applauds)

Don't let him cut anymore
I've got a quick change!

Where is he?

Other side.

Is this a dagger
which I see before me?



Too soon.

If it were done
when 'tis done

Then 'twere well
it was done quickly.

Good lad.

He's hanging on,
isn't he?

By the skin
of his teeth.

That but blow might be the
be-all and the end-all here.

Was the hope drunk
wherein you dressed yourself?

Hath it slept since?

And wakes it now,
to look so green and pale

At what it did so freely?
From this time

Such I account thy love.

Art thou afeard to be the same
in thine own act and valour

As thou art in desire?

Wouldst thou have that

Which thou esteem'st
the ornament of life,

And live a coward
in thine own esteem,

Letting "I dare not"
wait upon "I would",

Like a poor cat
in the adage?

Pry'thee peace!

I dare do all that
may become a man;

Who dares do more,
is none.


What beast was it
that made you

Break this enterprise
to me?

The scene doesn't work,

Not unless you believe
that macbeth

Is a consummate

He wouldn't be afraid.

I have given suck,

And know how
tender 'tis

To love the babe
that milks me.

She's struggling
with him.

It's, it's embarrassing
and pathetic.

Will you shut up?

That's my husband up there!

...Have pluck'd my nipple
from his boneless gums,

And dash'd his brains out,

Had I so sworn as you
have done to this.

If we should fail?

We fail!

But screw your courage
to the sticking place

And we'll not fail.

That's the play.

Oh lionel.

(moans of pleasure)

Tell me about dusty again.



Um well, he um...

He was with the rodeo.

That's why they
called him dusty.

Was he big?


You know,
was he a big cowboy?

Uh yes,
he was a big cowboy.

He was..

I can't believe
I'm telling you this.

He was um...

He was like a bull,
you know?

Oh god that's hot.

I'm going to turn on
the lights.

No! Why?

Because I want to see you.

I want to see you naked,
spread eagle on the bed.

Oh, please. No.

You don't want
to see me like that.

Oh yes, I do.

You're beautiful.

Uh no I'm not.

Yes you are.

No I'm not.

Yes you are.

Okay, fine,
I'm beautiful,

But you're not turning on
the light.

You're hurting my hand.

Why won't you let me see you?

Oh please,
this is going so well.

But just a flash.

Just give me something
to work with.

Okay, just a flash.


(glass shatters)

Careful there's broken glass

Did any get in the bed?

I don't know.

I'll turn on the light.

What's next?

Upstage left.

"you know your own degrees,
sit down."


The banquet scene.

Oh, god. Right.




Why do you make such faces?

When all is done
you look but on a stool.

Prithee see there!


Look! Lo!

How say you?

Why, what care I?

If thou canst nod,
speak too!

If charnel-houses
and our graves must send those

That we bury back...

I suppose it does work
on some level.

Thank you.

I still don't like it.

Yeah it's a collaboration.
It's give and take.

This particular bit
of staging

Is important to me.

What kind of a ghost
does it make me

If I can't stage
the ghost properly?

(thunder booms)

Turn hell-hound!

by the balcony!

Behind the balcony!

(thunder booms)

Of all men else
I have avoided thee.

But get thee back,

My soul is too much charged
with blood of thine already!

I have no words.

My voice is in my sword.

Thou bloodier villain
than terms can give thee out!

(clank of swords)

(clank of swords)



Oh god,

Tell me when it's over.


What's next?

Just go. Go!

(desperate cry)

(clang of swords)


(fierce grunt)

(swords clang)


(crashes to ground)

(thunder booms)

(maniacal shout)

You did it, man.


(satisfied sigh)

(crowd applauds wildly)


Well done, lad.

(relieved sigh)

(knock at door)


You were amazing!

I was so proud.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Jerry, that was great work!

Unbelievable energy.

We knocked 15 minutes
off the show!

That might have been
all the lines I dropped.


Did you hear that applause?

Yeah the audience got
their money's worth.


Okay we'll do
a little bit of work

Before the next

See if we can't patch
some of that text back in.

I'm going on again?

Of course.

(gasps and cries)




The kids can watch
a video.

I haven't had so much fun
since teddy mcallum

Took over as falstaff in 1972.

Poor old eric
had a heart attack

In the middle of the show

And teddy was so skinny

We had to take the cushions
out of the sofa

In the green room

And stuff 'em up his doublet.

What happened to eric?

Oh he died.

Well, anyway,

Here's to you.

To jerry!

To jerry!


He was terrible.

Miscast maybe,

But you can't deny
he was effective.

Oh come on,

You're not buying
into that bullshit.

I mean of course,

If you put a man
onstage unprepared

He's going to create
some sort of energy;

You feel his fear.

If I were you
I'd find geoffrey tonight.

And say what?

Say "please let me play

I will not humiliate myself.

Henry, there's only
one reason

To be an actor
in the theatre.


And it is the hope
that one day

You'll be in a production
like this.

To play that part,

With this company
of actors,

Under a director
who cares about the play

As much as geoffrey
obviously does.

I'll set up the meeting.

And I'll be there
to hold your hand.

And don't insult me
by not attending.

Yeah but this is the way
it always was oliver.

You'd lay it out,
I'd bring my ideas

And then we'd have
a big fight!

Like our first r and j.

The queen mab speech.

I could have killed you.

I could have killed you.

You would not stay
where I put you.

It was a
two page speech.

I was upstaging mercutio
for two pages!

I was giving you focus.

And how old
is this argument?

Twenty years.

Well, happy anniversary.

(laughs hysterically)

Ah- ellen. Hi.

A note.

Oh geoffrey,
that's enough.

Bring him back.



I saw the play, ellen.

For the first time
in eight weeks

I saw what we can do
with this play.

Yes, you made your point.

Henry is a problem.

But he's the right man
for the part.


Just listen to me,

I know what I'm saying.

Jerry had a great night.

But he's never
going to be macbeth.

And next time
he's on that stage

He's going
to realize that

And it will kill him.

We became a company

That's what you wanted,

So bring henry back

And we'll do the rest
to make it work.


I don't think
I can do that.

Why? Pride?


Would you
do it for me?

You mean for you, you?

Or you mean for you,
the actress you?

For the actress and...

For whatever else
I might mean to you.

(deep sigh)

All right,
I'll call him in the morning.

You will?


I didn't think
that would work.

Well, it did.

Even if he makes you beg,
which he will.

Yes I will beg him
if I have to, yes.

Well, thank you.

Well, good night.

Good night.

You will call him
in the morning?

Yes, for the love of god!


You know you should really
clean yourself up.

You're starting
to look inhuman.

She's right.

I know.

No, I mean about
your hygiene.

It's like living
with a baboon.

Well, it is.

Morning miss fanshaw.

Ellen. You're early.

I'm on time.

Oh yes.
That's what I meant.

I've got the forms.

Ah, wonderful.

They were in
the utility drawer.


So you see?
I can be responsible.

You seem in good spirits.

I am.
It's the new me.

I'm acting like an adult now,
you know?

I'm taking charge of my life.

I dealt with geoffrey

You would have been
proud of me.

Glad to hear that.

I have your assessment.

Oh my god.

I'm sorry,

It's just how
the numbers came out.

You're sorry?

No I was getting

I was making progress.

You said this process
was about understanding myself.

It's about punishment,
that's what it's about.


My god!
It's so specific!

It's not personal.

Will you stop
saying that?

I'm an actor.
Everything's personal!

I know.

No, you don't.

You don't know.

You've never
seen me onstage

So you don't know
what it is I do.

You can't possibly understand
what it means to me.

Actually I have.


Seen you onstage.
Many times.

It's the highlight
of our summer,

To come to the festival
and see you.

My favorite was that lady
in the winters tale.

What was her name?


Yes, paulina.

That moment in the courtroom
when she turns on the king

And tell him that
his wife is dead.


"what studied torments,
tyrant hast for me?

What wheels? Racks?


Ellen alone:
What flaying?

In leads or oils?

What old or newer torture
must I receive,

Whose every word deserves
to taste of thy most worst?"

Yes! Yes!

Oh it, it makes the hair on
the back of my neck stand up

Just thinking about it.

(happy sigh)

Why didn't you tell me
that you'd seen me?

I didn't want to complicate
our relationship.

I don't even know your name.


Well, I guess I have
to pay for this somehow.

Should I bring
you the cheque?

Oh no, no. You-

You can just mail it in.

So, this is it then.


(starts sobbing)

I'm sorry.

Don't be.
I've seen much worse.

Much, much worse.

You can pay
in installments.

Lips that they must use
in prayer.

O, then, dear saint,
let lips do what hands do.

They pray,

Grant thou lest faith
turn to despair.

Saints do not move,

(disgusted sigh)

Though grant for prayers' sake.

Then move not,

While my prayer's effect
I take.

Stop! What are you doing?

Well, we're trying to do
the play.

Please don't try to
"do the play".

Don't kiss each other!

Don't touch each other.

Only do what I tell you to do.

All that you've told us to do
is to stare straight ahead

And say the lines.

And why aren't
you doing that?

Because it doesn't
give us anything to play!


I don't want you
to play anything!

Why can't you understand this?!

Romeo and juliet
are not real people,

Or characters,
they are signifiers.

They are not

Yes they are!

They are two young people
who are desperately in love!

Stop speaking!

Don't speak anymore!

I don't want to hear

Come out
of that mouth

Unless it is a line
from the play

Spoken flatly
and without emotion.

I hate this.

And I hate you.

Let's move on.

Act 2, scene 3.

(knocking at door)

Come on in.


Hey, how are you feeling?

Good, good.

I'm still buzzing.

I spent some time this morning
going over the lines,

So you don't have
to worry.

You mean you're putting the
14 minutes back on the play?

most of 'em.

Oh no, no.

Alana must have been
proud of you.


I think it saved my marriage.

We were all proud.

I'm not going on again, am I?

I'm going to
ask henry back.

If he says "no",
you are, but-

He won't say no.

He'd be crazy to say no.

You were great,

You were really,
really great.

But I'm not
your macbeth.

You were last night.

Well, I should go.

I have to get ready
for lionel's reading.



Um, thanks again,

It was the greatest
experience of my life.

You lied to me.

I never lied to you.

You lied to me
over and over and over.

Sanjay :
I never lied to you.

No you're lying right now.
You're lying right now.

I never told you
a single lie.

Oh shut up!
Shut up!

You killed off
the festival.

We're ruined.

That is the language
of defeat.

Yes it's the language
of defeat

'cause we're defeated,
you fuckin' ruiner!

let's not talk

About business
right now.

It's obviously
upsetting you.

Take a breath.
Come on.

(breathes deeply)

Just one.
(breathes deeply)

(angry breath)

let me tell you a secret:

I am having
a fantastic life!

Look at the dreams
I've lived.

I wanted to be
a paramedic,

So one day I climbed
into an ambulance

And I became one.

I've been
a freighter captain,

A clown and a lawyer,

All in one week!

How did I do
these things?

I'll tell you.

It's all a trick.

All you have to do
is believe in your dreams

And they'll come true.

You're in jail.

Yes, yes,
I am in jail.

That's old news already.
Move on.

your secret dream

Is to be a great
musical theatre performer.

Shut up!

Just believe that you are one
and you'll be one.

That's what I would do.

Again, sanjay,

You're in jail.

you can't get arrested

For doing
musical theatre.

Come on,
sing for me.

Just once.

I never got a chance
to hear you.

Just once for me
and it'll relax you

Then we can talk about
the campaign.


You are a pathetic,
manipulative liar.

You know what?
You're a fuckin' liar!

You're a fuckin' liar!
Give me that!

And I hope you rot in here.

I am so, so sorry,

But I'm going to have
to resign the account.

(incredulous gasp)

(maniacal yell)

(clicks on light)


Ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to the new burbage
studio theatre

For the first in a series
of staged readings,

Showcasing new works
by canadian playwrights.

Today's play,
"three brothers",

Is written by lionel train.


(exasperated sigh)

Ah geoffrey,
sorry to keep you waiting.

No, it's all right.


I'm just happy
you came at all.

Well don't be too happy.
I'm here under duress.


I'd like you
to come back.

Would you?

Yes, I would.

The understudy
not working out, huh?

Jerry did a fine job.

We saw the show.

Did you?

Yes I saw a man
stuttering and sweating

His way through macbeth.

Now if that was your
desired effect

Well I'd say you succeeded



Please come back.

Oh it's please now,
is it?

What do you want me to say,

I want you to say
that you are sorry

For what you did,

For not treating me

With the respect
I deserve.

I want you to say that
you made a mistake

Because your
are inexperienced

And that you will learn
from what you did

And it will not
happen again.

I'm sorry.

(clears throat)

I am inexperienced
and I,

I acted rashly

And I did not give you
the respect that you deserve.

And it won't
happen again.


I'll come back.

(excited squeal)

I just want you
to know one thing:

I will be playing
this character my way, hmm?

The way it
should be done,

The way I have done it

Three times before

And I suggest that you watch
and learn, geoffrey,

'cause I will show you
who he really is.

(satisfied exhale)

Bet you enjoyed that.

your vision of the play works.

I saw that last night.

Do not let him ruin it.

What are you saying?

I'm saying
the play's the thing.

It's bigger than
any one actor.

You know that.
I know you do.

You must stage the play
the way you see it.

Easier said than done.

Yes, it is.

See you opening night.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Thank you!

Oh! Thank you!

I'm sorry.

It's been a dry season.

(audience laughs)

How long?

Two years.

Two and a half,

Since dusty left.


What kind of name is that?

He was with the rodeo.
Like a bull he was.

(audience laughs)

I'm going to turn on
the lights.


I want to see you naked,

Spread eagle on the bed.

Oh, god. No.


You're so beautiful.

No, I'm not.

You are.
You're beautiful and talented.

I thank god for you.

I thank god for you.

(audience laughs)

(door opens)

(water runs)

Are you okay?

Yes, just allergies.

What did you think
of the reading?

Um, I couldn't stay.

I didn't see the ending.
I'm sorry.

Oh well,
you didn't miss much.

Annette moves to winnipeg
and gets a job as a secretary.

I know, terrible.

What a year.

One thing after another.

Oliver died,
I break up with geoffrey,

Sex with my brother-in-law.

And now I'm playing
"annette from winkler".


Can I ask you a personal


Do you think I'm miserable
because of who I am

Or what I do?

Be honest.


Sometimes I think
if I were a secretary,

I would be happy.

I mean you're a secretary
and you're happy.

I'm not a secretary.

I'm the associate
administrative director.

Oh yes,
of course you are.

What I mean is that
your work and your personal

Are separated,
and that's why you're happy.

Your life is simple.

I envy you.

By the way,

How's your secret romance

it's uh...


(nervous laugh)

I'm sorry.

Oh god,
I'm so insensitive.

All I can say is

Stand up for who you are.

Don't be like annette
from winkler, okay?

(annoyed sigh)



You stole from me!

You stole my secrets!
You spat them on to the stage!

No, no, no, no, no.

That was my life.

I was writing about my life

And you just happen to be
part of my life right now.

But you used my words!

Because you said
them to me.

When you said them to me
they became my words.

That's the way
language works.

What are you saying,

That a writer just copies
conversations he has in life

And makes actors
repeat them?!


You're over simplifying,
but basically, yes.

(indignant gasp)

Okay, look,

If it upsets you that much,
I'll shelve the play.


Of course.

Our relationship
is important to me.

And god knows
the play doesn't work anyway.

The second act's weak.

Annette's not
a grounded character.

No offense.

No, it's okay.
I'm not.

I'll put it away.

Thank you.



It probably doesn't
mean anything now,

But a guy stopped me
in the lobby

On the way just now.

A producer.

He wanted to talk to you
about an off-broadway run.


Would you excuse me?

You want to give the actors
some notes.


But you don't want ellen
or henry to know about it.

That's right.

I need to talk to the actors
for five minutes,

Just five minutes
before the show

Without henry,
without ellen.


For god's sakes,

For once in your life,
forget you're a stage manager!

I can't.

Five minutes!
What can it hurt?

Oh, all right.

But if equity finds out-

I'll tell them
it was a safety thing.

(rings doorbell)

(door opens)


I'm, I'm...

I'm so sorry.

I didn't know you were
having a party.

It's a costume party.


You look wonderful.

I need to talk to him.
It's an emergency.

Do you mind
waiting here?

No, not at all.

(grunts and grimaces)



Sorry, sorry,

I'm so sorry
to disturb you at home

But something terrible
has happened.

What is it?

Who are you
supposed to be?

I'm cardinal richelieu.
What is it?

I just came from a meeting
with our account executive

From frog hammer.

Look, this isn't good.

The meeting was in jail.

(stifles sobs)

What is going on,

Sanjay's been arrested.
He's a fraud.

His real name
is morris taylor.


He's a dentist!

He's a dentist
from halifax!

He got bored and decided
to re-invent himself.

He's had all
these identities.

I mean,
it's incredible,

But he's not a whiz kid.

There's no such thing
as "cycle timing"!

He just made it up!

He made up the whole campaign
as he was going along!

And now we've lost half
our subscriber base

And the all the re-branding
money is gone!

jesus christ.

What do you want me
to do about it?

I want you to help me.

I want you to tell me
me what should I do?

Well I tell you,

The richest people
in the city

Are in my living room
right now.

I could do some kind
of emergency whip around

And get you some money.

My god,
you'll do that?



No fuckin' way.

'cause I don't want to.

Because that would be throwing
good money after bad.

I'm begging you.

It's over,

You blew it.

You had your shot

And now the festival
is going down

And you made the call.

Accept it
and be a man.

All right.

I accept responsibility.

I do.

If you'll help us

Just to get us through
to the end of the season

I will resign.



Do you have any idea

How many dreary fucking
board meetings

I had to sit through
just to watch you fuck it up?


You don't get to resign.

Because I am going
to wait until next week

When you tally up all of your
disastrous fuckin' numbers

And then I'm going to exercise
my privilege

And fire your sorry ass

Your head is coming off
my friend,

And I am going to be the one
wielding the axe.

Got it?

(door slams shut)