Slings and Arrows (2003–2006): Season 2, Episode 2 - Fallow Time - full transcript

Christmas comes to New Burbage and so do the interns, who are part of the new austerity program. Richard raises begging to new heights and hires Sanjay Ranier of the hip and edgy marketing firm Frog Hammer.

(church bell rings)

? should old acquaintance
be forgot ?

? and never brought to mind ?

? should old acquaintance
be forgot ?

? and days
of auld lang syne ?


(paper rustles)

(hammers on stapler repeatedly)

Got a moment?

Working on the play.

I heard you playing
with your stapler.

That's what I do
when I'm procrastinating.

Look what I found
in the storage room.

Oliver's notes.

Notes on what?

For the play.
For macbeth.

He was obsessed with it,
you know.

So I heard.

He planned it all out
in great detail.

Lighting plots,
costume designs,

It's all in there.

It's like he's speaking to you
from the grave.



Oh, thank you,

This is...

A wonderful help.

You're welcome.

There's eight in total.

Where do you
want 'em?

? call me superstitious ?

? or cowardly or weak ?

? but I'll never play
a character ?

? whose name
one dare not speak ?

(crowd laughs)

? I'll play hamlet
in doublet and hose ?

? or either of the dromeos ?

? but sorry,
I won't play mackers ?

? I'll play richard the third
in a hump and a wig ?

? or henry the eighth
that selfish pig ?

? but sorry,
I don't do mackers ?

? every soul that plays
this role ?

? risks injury or death ?

? I'd rather sweep
the bloody stage ?

? than ever do mac -
you know who ?

? so gimme king lear, ?

? cleopatra, ?

? romeo and juliet,
it doesn't mattra ?

? I'll play them all
for free ?

? but I'd be crackers
to take on mackers ?

? you see I'm skittish
about the scottish tragedy ?

? och aye! ?

(enthusiastic applause)

(drums finger on desk)

(sharp exhale)

Veronica tennant:
He's an intensely private man.

He's a deep thinker,

An avid reader,

And he spends most of his time
thinking or reading.

Or thinking...
About things he's read.

Graham greene:
Uh, many people
find him arrogant

When they first meet him,

Because he's so standoffish,

And he's not very good
with names.

But he's not arrogant.

He's profoundly...

Profoundly humble.

Yes, it's a difficult job,

But every man has his burden.


I suppose if I had
to describe myself

In one word,

I'd say that word
would be...



Anna! Anna? Anna!

Please don't yell for me
like that, richard.

I'm not a cocker spaniel.

All right,
I'm sorry.

I just-
I can't leave my desk.

I've been on hold
with the ministry of culture

For 15 minutes.

What's that?


There's something
you don't want me to see.


Anna, you're hiding it
behind your back.

I'm not an idiot.

"new burbage festival
in financial crisis."

Oh, jesus.

"sources inside canada's
most prestigious

Theatrical institution

Report that as a result
of alleged mismanagement-"

Jesus christ!

"the festival is facing

Its worst financial
crisis in years.

Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah...

Okay, fine.
"sponsors have been

The new burbage

Like rats
from a sinking ship."

All right!

Thank you.

Oh, god-damn basil.

What did you want?

Oh, um...

Could you get me
a coffee?

All right, all right.
Anna, come on!

I-I-I had to rush out
this morning.

I didn't have time.

Richard, I have so much
on my plate.

Yeah, I know,
I know.

And I'm on hold.

I'm held here,

I can't move.

And I understand
your situation

And I'm taking steps

To relieve
your work load.

What steps?

I'm reviving
the intern program.


That's more work for me,

No, it's not.

They'll do
the grunt work -

Anything you don't want to do -

And it's free!

There's a reason they're free.

They're teenagers.

Ex- uh, yes, I'm holding
for the minister of culture.

coffee? Please?

I hate to look
at my own work.


I wear out the carpet
pacing back and forth...

Oh jesus!

At the back of the theatre
on opening nights.

I snap at anyone
who tries to comfort me.

I know,

Not the kind of behavior
you'd expect

From a "national treasure".


Did you hear that?

"national treasure."

He actually
uses those words.

Calls himself

"a national treasure".

50 times
I've watched this.

Well, thank you.

That was
very enjoyable,

But I have a leaky urinal
to attend to.

Shouldn't you be
working on the play?

I am!

I am working
on the play!

I just thought that...

Well, you might enjoy
sharing this...

With me.

(interview continues)

Why is it that particular play
that obsesses you?

Why the scottish tragedy?

Well, it's a play
of such power that one,

Quite literally,
dares not speak its name.

And what about casting.

Who do you have in mind
for macbeth?

Well, in a perfect world?

Henry breedlove,
of course.

Who else?

You know,
this is unbelievable.

Anna brought all these boxes
into the office today-


Okay, no work talk,

We had an agreement.

I forgot.

We can't be
all about work.

I know, I know.
I'm sorry.

You're as bad
as sloan.

With him it was always
motor-thingy this

And motor-thingy that.

(clears throat)

I'm thinking
about boxes.

Can't I at least
just finish

What I was saying
about boxes?

I mean, now that
I violated the rule?

It's an agreement,
not a rule.

This isn't
boarding school.

Okay. Eight boxes
full of oliver's notes

All about macbeth.

Eight boxes,

They're sitting there
in a little pyramid,

Mocking me.

And you haven't
looked in them?

God, no.

I don't want
to poison my mind.

I thought you were doing
oliver's macbeth?

No, ellen.

I'm doing my macbeth.

Oh, sorry.

So now that we've violated
the agreement,

Can I ask you a question
about lady macbeth?

Yeah, of course.

Exactly how is she weak?

I mean, I know she
has some weakness

Because she goes mad,

For the first half
of the play

She is so overpowering.

"bring forth
men-children only;

For thy undaunted mettle

Should compose nothing
but males," right?

So, when does she crack
and why?

And is it evil
that has given her the strength?

Is it an unnatural cruelty,

Or is she just
a horrible bitch?

Well, you know, I mean,

I'm still working uh...
Through the...

You're stuck,
aren't you?


Why don't you look
in the boxes?

(sighs) ellen.


I'm gonna to pick up
a tree tomorrow.

I haven't had a tree
since I was a kid.

A big tree.

A fraser fir;
they're the best.

You want to come
with me?

Well, I can't.
I've got work to do,


I'm not a misanthrope,

But people seem to think I am.

(barked laughter)

I'm a lonely person.

That proves it.


Misanthropes don't get lonely.

I think most creative people

Devote themselves
to their art

At the expense
of their relationships.

I don't know any happily
married artists -

That should
tell you something.



Good morning.


Look what I found.

It's the maquette,

For the play.

What play?

Oliver's macbeth!

I saw it sticking out

From under a box
of cod pieces,

And I said,

"that looks like a maquette"
and it was,

And then I saw the label.

Isn't it exciting?

Thank you, anna.

You're making my job
so easy.

You have to go in
that storeroom sometime.

It's like king tut's tomb
in there.


What the hell?

I saw it sticking out

From under a box
of cod pieces,

And I thought,

"that looks like
a maquette"

And it was.

That's amazing.

Would you take a look
at this?

It's uh, the proposal
for the minister.

Oh. You're asking
for 2.2 million?

I have to.

That's a lot.

we need a lot.

that's not enough.

God, I hope
she's a reasonable person.

I like her.

She criticized
her own party

When she was
minister of health.

That takes guts.

You know, this reads
like a demand.

Well, I don't-

I don't want
to appear weak.

It's like you
kidnapped her child.

Thank you
for your feedback.

It's just...

Asking for a lump sum
grant like that-

Anna, I don't know
what else to do!

I'm panicking!

Look at me,

Okay, okay.
You know what?

I read about a program
about a year ago-

I mean,
I'm freaking out!

Okay, okay.
Let me look it up.

I'll be right back.

you do that.

("o' christmas tree" plays)

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry christmas!

Put it in your truck
and take it-

No, no, no.
I don't do that. Sorry.

The truck
is right there!

Can you just put it
in the truck?

Merry christmas!

Um, taxi,



(struggling grunts)


(ornaments shatter)

"the cultural initiatives fund

Is an 8 million
dollar program

That aims to increase
cultural tourism

By providing
arts organizations

With upfront
working capital

Directed towards
the applicant's marketing

And promotional costs."

What is this?

It's a loan;

A one time loan,
for rebranding.



You know?
Look here:

"priority is placed
on projects

Demonstrating maximum
repayment potential."

Meaning what?

Meaning the bigger
the organization,

The more likely they are
to repay the loan.

oh my...

It's perfect.
That's perfect for us.

Uh, the thing is,

You were supposed
to have applied

Three weeks ago.

Shit, anna!

Still, it's better
than walking

Into her office
at christmas

Demanding millions
of dollars.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm going to write
this up.

Shit. I only have
a few hours.

(types madly on keyboard)

Was there
something else?

Well, I won't see you
before January,

So uh...


Should I open it now?

You don't have to.
It's really stupid.

I'll open it now.

(rips wrapping)

It's just
a stupid thing.

It's an executive
stress ball.

It's really stupid.



It's like the gift
of the magi.


Anna, I've really
gotta write this up.




(indistinct party chatter)

Richard smith-jones.

Minister, thank you
so much for seeing me

On such short notice.

I know that
at christmastime-

Cut the chitchat.
I've got five minutes

Before we do
secret santas.

What do you want?

Uh, okay.
Well uh,

We-we've had sort of-

We at the new burbage

Have had sort of an
unusual situation

Which unfortunately
has resulted

In a little bit
of a revenue shortfall.

You screwed
a board member.

I heard.

Mistakes were made,

But we're working
to correct them

And to learn
from the past.

that's just peachy,

But the cookie jar
is empty, richard.

with respect,

The new burbage
festival has,

Over the last decade,

Provided significant

To its stakeholders

Both in terms
of tax revenue

And social capital.

And I think it might be

In the interest
of the government

To, to protect that,
that interest.

Oh, just fuck off.

I'm sorry?

I'll tell that

To the next cancer patient
I see.

You people in the arts
make me sick.

I was minister
of health.

I used to do
something useful.

I met with people
who were dying.

People with families.

Do you have
a family?

No, no children.

The health care system
in this country

Is desperately

But do you know what

Came across my desk

A $20,000
grant application

For a polish woman

Who pisses in a bucket
on stage!


How much
do you want?

2 million,
plus point 2.

2.2 million.

Fucking unbelievable!

Have you ever seen
a case of grimes disease?

No. What is uh...
Grime's disease?

It is a terminal,

But preventable disease
is what it is.

It just came to mind

Because the 2.2 million
you are requesting

Just happens to be

What a new m.R.I.
Machine costs.

Do you know
what it's like

To have to say no
to someone

Who has grimes disease?

That must be
very hard.

Fuck you.
No more hand-outs.

Minister, with respect,

We are not asking
for a hand-out.

We are asking
for a loan

Which we will repay
in full.

The money already exists.

It's in the cultural
initiatives fund.

Deadline's past.

I am aware of that

And uh...I am hoping

That in this case
you will make an exception.

Why should I?

Because we have a plan.

We are going
to rebrand.


We're gonna uh...

the entire festival.

We're gonna change
our profile,

Reach out
to a younger audience.

And once we have
that audience,

The festival can walk
on its own.

you'll never see me again.

But...But we need
working capital

And we need it now.


All right,
I'll give you the money.

Because god knows

I don't want
your festival

Going down
on my watch.

2.2 million,
one time loan,

Payable 60 days after
the end of the season.

Don't fuck up,

Thank you, minister.
And merry-

Get out
of my office.


(sigh of relief)

I hate christmas.

What happened?

I had to drag the tree
all the way home

And it got ruined.

And I didn't
have a stand.

The tree fell over

And smashed all the beautiful
christmas ornaments

So there's glass
in the rug

And this christmas
is ruined.

I hate it.

I just wanted a normal
fucking christmas

And now you can't walk
on the floor

Without your feet
getting lacerated.

Okay, come on.

Let's go see if we can't
save christmas.

("silent night" plays)


it's so beautiful.


Thank god you have
an earring fetish.

Some of them
are my mothers.


Those two.

(both laugh)

Hey, I got you those,
didn't I?

the sapphires.

Merry christmas,

Merry christmas,

Did you look
in the boxes yet?

Oliver is,
in great part,

Responsible for me
being an actor at all.

That's ridiculous...

Because after a particularly
harsh review

I received for-


Yes, you see?
You remember.

It was an ill conceived

It was like
a minstrel show.

I was very upset,

And I wanted
to chuck it all.

But you,
you kept me on.

It was your first year.

My first year
as artistic director, yes.

You kept me on.

I wonder how many careers
you've made,

Or at least sustained
during your reign?

I have had
to let a few go.

I'm sure
I've made mistakes.

(loud horn honks)

Geoffrey! No!

Geoffrey! No!


(loud impact)

No! Murderer!





"the key to the tension
of the piece

Is to erase
the comfort barrier

Created by
the proscenium arch.

The addition of a thrust
will create the illusion

That they are complicit
in the intrigue,

And will move the action
into the audience."


Yeah, I'm getting ready
for a meeting.

I've been investigating
marketing companies

To handle the rebranding.

I finally got an appointment
with frog hammer.

Frog who?

Frog hammer.

Oh, they're
"the" hot young company.

Very exclusive.

Well that's fantastic!

I want a thrust.

A what?

I want a thrust
in the rose.

I don't know
what you're saying.

I want to extend the stage
into the audience.

I want to get
in their faces.

How much
does a thrust cost?

I dunno, a $100,
$200 thousand.


And you'd probably
have to lose some seats.

Somewhere around 50.

Are you insane?

No, no!

I say no
to the thrust. No.

you were the one

Who wanted me to do
oliver's macbeth.

Well, it can't be done
without the thrust.

And you said
you would support me,


You were drunk
but you were sincere.

and we lose 50 seats?

More like 70.

But you're gonna
love it.

Oh, anna,

For what?

The boxes.

Oh! Good stuff
in the boxes, eh?

Yeah. Good stuff
in the boxes.

And I was stuck,

But you know,
I was reluctant to, well,

Plunge my hands
into oliver's brain,

You know?

Anyway, thanks.

You need help?

No. And if you
touch anything

I'm going to cry.

Okay, well,
if you need anything

Just let me know.

Oh! Uh...
There is one thing.


Um, it's a dumb
pr thing.

Every year the local
elementary school

Puts on a short version
of the play

We're doing
at the festival.

You know,
to teach the kids.


Oliver would go every year,
as a gesture.

It's this Thursday,
at 1:00 p.M.

Yeah, sure.

Oh, really?
Oh, thanks.

That's so great.
The teacher's so nice.


Oh, what are they doing?
Romeo and juliet?

No. Macbeth.

It'll be like research.

Sounds like fun.


Male voice:
Side chair.

Female voice:
Side chair.

Male voice:
Is he the money?

Female voice:
Um, his title is...
Let's see...

Who are you?

Richard smith-jones,
executive director.

There's an artistic director

he's the money.

But he's not comfortable
with that.

Side chair.

First male:
Side chair! Called it.

We all called it.

First male:
He's eyeing the magazines.

I say he's gonna go
for "testos".

I say "testos" or "flare".

Second male:
He'll go for "testos"
or "flare",

But he'll settle
for "canadian geographic"

Or "the economist".

First male:
Why would he do that?

Because he doesn't want
to be caught

Reading "testos"
when someone comes in.

Second male:
What did I say?

That was eerie.

First male:
Very nice call.

Second male:
It wasn't difficult.

Look at the tie:
The colours, the pattern.

That is the tie
of an insecure man,

A man desperate
to please,

An unhappy man.

Always look at the tie.

I don't see her.

She said
she'd be here.

I've never even
met her.

I've known you for,
what, like a decade?

Well, I'm not close
to my sister.

She's from
a different world.

Ellen. Hi.

There you are.

I can't believe
you came.

Well, we came to see
annie perform.

This is geoffrey.

Yes, I remember.
How are you?


And this is ed.



(microphone squeals)

Well, I guess they're
going to start.

Oh, we'd better
take a seat.

We'll talk later.

I can't believe
you came.

Well, it's not
that weird, is it?

Yes. It is.

That was cheeky.

Welcome everyone

To new burbage elementary's

Of william shakespeare's


I love this -

Sitting in the audience.
There's no pressure.

We should do this
all more often.

...To have with us today,
two very special people:

The artistic director
of the new burbage festival

And a lead actress,

Who I understand will be playing
lady macbeth this year -

So look out tiffany -


Geoffrey tennant
and ellen fanshaw.


Thank you so much
for coming.

And now,
without any further ado,

Please enjoy macbeth.

(dark and foreboding music)

When is oliver coming?

(waves rush in)

I like you.

I like the way
you look at me

With your sleepy eyes.

I like your honest,
nervous way.

I watch your lips move,

And smile in my direction.

I like you.

You're different from me.

Your cock
is always hard.

Your cum
tastes like sugar.

The feel of your ass
makes me melt.

Your tongue in my mouth
is ecstacy.

I want to fuck you.

fuck you.

Suck you, rim you,


Sanjay rainier.

Oh, hi.



It's hard to get
an appointment

With you guys.

I had to call you
four times.

Ah, frog hammer is the most
democratic of companies.

Everybody takes a turn
at the front desk,

Including me.

It might not be
the best idea,

I'm always
losing calls.

our best clients

Always manage
to find us somehow.

I'm sorry,

Would you like
your hand back now?

Give the man his hand
back now, sanjay!

That's my father's

Please, sit.

Can I offer you something
better than water?

Oh, no.
That's, that's fine.

What about a nice chai?

Black tea from bangalore,

Cinnamon, in whipped hot milk,
sound good?


(intercom beeps)

Chai, please.
Boardroom two.

Two people.

You look tired.

Would you like your car washed
while we meet?

My- ? No, no.
That's fine.

That's all.
Thank you.

Ah, "testos".

Quite a magazine.
Do you read it?

I've seen it...

That is my girlfriend.

Really? Wow, she-


Three things:

Yes, it's true,

I am bragging

And can you blame me?

So, you've been
to see the competition,


Um, yeah,
I had a look around.

Good for you!

And our colleagues

Said very cruel things
about us, didn't they?

Please, richard.

I don't mean to put you
on the spot.

I know what they said.

They said terrible things

And yet you still come here.

Have you no sense?

You were warned off!

I just want to see
who's out there.

I have a confession
to make.

We didn't return
your calls

Because we wanted you
to see everyone else

Before you came here.

Devious, I know,

"but only if you have been in
the deepest valley,

Can you ever know
how magnificent it is

To be on
the highest mountain."

Richard nixon
said that.


The tea's here.

Thank you so much.

Girl narrator:
Once upon a time in scotland,

There was a brave warrior
named macbeth.

One day, after a battle,

He went home through the woods
with his friend banquo.

On the way
they came upon three witches.

Ha ha ha!

All hail thane of cawdor!

Ha ha ha!

Boy macbeth:
Hey! I am not thane of cawdor.

All hail king of scotland
soon to be.

What do you mean
by that, witches?

Everyone knows duncan
is the king of scotland.

Boy banquo:
They're telling your future,

What about me?

You will not be king,

But you will be
the father of kings.

Ha ha ha!

(audience laughs)

Girl narrator:
And then the witches

Into the filthy air.

All of a sudden,
two noble men appeared.

Congratulations macbeth.

The king is so happy
with your victory

Over the king of norway,

He has made you
thane of cawdor.


The witches
were right!

Girl narrator:
So, macbeth hurries home
and tells his wife,

Lady macbeth,
all about what happens.

She gets very excited.

We will have to kill
king duncan in his sleep.

Then you will be king,

Just like the witches said.

Uh, I don't think
we should do that.

Come on!
Be a man!

(audience laughs)

Girl narrator:
Suddenly a bloody dagger
appeared before macbeth

And... And led him
to the sleeping king,

And there he killed him.

(clears throat)

Boy macbeth:

Boy duncan:
(cries out)

Boy macbeth:
Now I am king,
just like the witches said.

But they also said that banquo
would be the father of kings.

You three murderers!

Go, kill banquo
and his son, fleance.

(cries out)

(sounds of struggle)

(murderers rejoice)

Girl narrator:
That night macbeth
throws a big banquet,

But all of a sudden

The ghost of banquo
appears at the table.

You can't be here!

You're dead!

Lady macbeth:
I'm sorry, everybody.

My husband
is upset and tired.

Please go home.

(claps hands together)

What no dessert?

What is wrong
with you?

(audience laughs)

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

The problem is,

Our audience
is literally dying.

The average age
is 55-years-old.

If we don't reach
the youth market,

We're finished.

And what are your plans?
Tell me.

Well, um, let me read you
our mission statement.

It's just a first draft.

(clears throat)

"it is the purpose

Of the new burbage
theatre festival

To stage the classics
of theatre,

With special emphasis

On the works
of william shakespeare,

With high production

And an unrivaled
level of artistry,

And in a culturally

And socially
inclusive manner,

To communicate
canada's cultural voice

Both domestically
and abroad."

(they laugh)

I uh... I used
"cultural" twice.

That's not good.

Maybe you can
help me with that.

What about this:

"theatre that fucks
with your head."

Well, that would certainly
solve the "cultural" problem.

I am only half kidding,

Rebranding is an exercise

In changing the perception
of something.

It is very hard to do
in this day and age,

Unless you're ready
for a risk.


How would you advertise-


I don't use that word.


Yes. That is not
what we do here.

You don't do

people are tired of ads

In all their forms.

They don't believe
anything we say

And it doesn't work.

We at frog hammer
ask ourselves

Very simple things:

Is it wonderous?
Does it move you?

Is it culturally

We believe that people
are sick of being lied to.

If you use truth,

You can sell
people anything.

If you want them
to react, to feel,

To buy,
tell them the truth!

The truth
is the new lie.

Fuck it,
you're hired.

Every man
is born of a woman.

That's good.

But will I always
be king?

You'll be king

Until the forest
comes to the castle.

Ha ha ha!

Boy macbeth:
Well, a forest can't walk.

I have nothing
to worry about.

(audience laughs)

Girl narrator:
But in England macduff
was planning with malcolm

To use his army
to defeat macbeth.

And when macbeth
heard about that

He got very mad

And had macduff's wife
and children killed.

(children scream)

(screams and cries fade)

(murderers rejoice)

Out, out spot!

I can't wash the blood
off my hands.

Oh no!

My wife has gone crazy
because of guilt.

(screams in madness)

Boy macbeth:
Now they tell me
my wife is dead.

I don't understand life.

It just keeps going on and on
with no purpose.

I'm so sad.

Isn't that poignant?

This little boy
captured the essence

Of macbeth's despair
with those few lines.

"I don't understand life.

It just goes on and on
with no purpose."

Of course,
this little one

Knows nothing about death,
does he?


Talk about going on and on
with no purpose.

That's my burden.

Well, I'm back now.

You've given me
something to do.

I understand we're going to be
working together.

Get out!

What's wrong?

I'm sorry, I-
I've got to get out.

(chair falls over)

Then something
very strange happens.

Macbeth looks out
the window of his castle,

And sees trees
moving towards him...

What did you see?



Boy macduff:
I have killed
the tyrant macbeth.

I'm off to the airport

To pick up
henry breedlove.

How do I look?

Good. Sharp.

Table reading's at 10:00?



You do look good.



Who are you?

I'm emily lu.
I'm interning here.

Oh, shit.
You're early.


You're really early.

It's good to be early.

No. It's not good
to be early.

I have nothing
for you to do.

Oh, I'll do
whatever you want.

I'm here to help.

Well, give me a sense
of your work experience?

Well, last summer
I was a polar bear

At the zoo.

I handed out flyers
for the new exhibit.

And the summer
before that

I was tree planting

But then I got

Just stand over there
against the wall.

(eerie wind blows)


I didn't want
to come back

Until you invited me.

I'm so glad
you did.

I didn't
invite you.

Yes, you did.

When you
"plunged your hands

In to my brain",
as you put it.

I took that
as a sign.

Well it wasn't
a sign.

I took it to mean

You were
calling me back

From the great beyond
to help you.

Oh it's good
to be back.

It's good to see
a friendly face.

No, no, this is not
a friendly face.

This is a pissed-off face,

You humiliated me again.


When you chose
to rise from the dead

In the middle
of a children's play.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

I should be
more discreet.

But let's forget
about that,

Let's talk about
our collaboration.

Oh, no!

I am not collaborating
with a corpse!

Excuse me?

Who poured over
whose notes?

Who taped together
whose maquette?

Who built
whose thrust?

Listen to me
very carefully, oliver.

I am not collaborating
with the spirit world

On a production
of macbeth.

Where are you going?

To the table reading
of your fucking play.

Well, I'd better
come along.

No! Why?

I give you

Oh god!

Excuse me, hello?


Thank you.
My name is anna conroy

And I am the associate
administrative director

And I would like
to welcome you all.

Today you will be
going with maria

Our head stage manager,

Who will be assigning
you some chores

In the scenery shop
except for...

Jennifer howl,
diane kaplan,

Sari nejanali
and margaret simpson.

Any questions?

Oh, um, yeah,
mrs. Conrod?

It's conroy.
Ms. Conroy.


Ah, can margaret and I
work together?

We're kind of a couple.

No. The costume fittings
are for the actresses.

Deal with it,

Fuck you, mom-ily.

All right, everybody,
let's go.

Bring all your belongings.

Do not leave anything here.

Scenery shop people
come with me.

Costume shop is down the hall
to your left.

Those of you who can read,

Just follow the signs.

Uh, you need an assistant
stage manager, right?

I need somebody good.

They've got
to be able

To take legible notes
and stay late.

I don't want
a "wilting flower"

Or a wannabe actor.

I want the best one
you've got.

she came early.

I'll take mom-ily.

And after the intermission,

Redgrave comes back
with a fish,

And he throws it at the woman
in the third row.

He says,
"now then, madam,

Perhaps that will stop
your barking!"

(mixed laughter)



to new burbage.

Oh, thank you,

Thank you.
It's good to be home.

Okay. If everyone could
please find the card

With their character name on it
and take a seat.

Ah, well what do we have?

Ah, the porter, ooh.

Hecate, mmm.

And of course,

It's like a wedding
in hell.

(mixed laughter)

All right.
Hi, everybody. Welcome.

Um, well...



Um, you know I really don't
want to spend a lot of time

Talking about my concept.

I think this is a play

That we will discover
in rehearsal.

Nice cover.

There are a couple
of things, though.

This is,
in many ways,

A very simple play.

It is a play
about evil,

And the intrigue
that results from...

Evil uh... Behavior.

Um, it's also a play
about witches,

Isn't it?

And what are they,

They are of this world

And yet they are

They are people,

Um, and they are not.

They are evil.

You're rambling.

Oh, and on this theme,

I think we should just
take a minute

To talk about
the so-called "curse".

I think we should
not forget

That these are words
on a page,

And we should not
let our imaginations

Get the best of us.

Hear, hear!

I'm not sure I entirely
agree with you, geoffrey.

This play
has a terrible history.

There was that new york

At the turn
of the last century

Which ended in a riot;

In which 20 people
were killed.

And harold norman
was stabbed to death

By his own macduff,

Onstage, at...
Where was it?

The oldham coliseum.

Yeah, that's right.

The curse is real.

I have played
mackers three times,

And every time
I've played the damn thing

Something terrible happened

To someone who was involved
in the production.

I mean, frankly, this...

This play scares
the crap out of me.

Although, I guess
that's part of the fun,

Really, isn't it?

Well, uh...

Isn't that what oliver said?

What did he say?

He said,
he said it was like

"a 90 minute
bus tour of hell."


Yes, yes.
It's filled with black magic,

And I think that's why
oliver loved this play.

I mean, he had such
faastic ideas.

He-he-he- with staging,
with design...

It was his vision

That brought me back
to new burbage.

We will be basing
this production

On his notes,
won't we geoffrey?

Yes. (coughs)


of course.

let's get started.

Let's uh... Let's read it.
No acting required.

Just a clear reading-

Geoffrey, if you don't mind?

If I may have the floor
for a moment, please?

Now, as I say,
I have played this part

Three times,

And uh, I like to begin
each rehearsal

By reciting
the dagger speech.

I know it's ack!

It's a complete wank,

I realize that,

But it began
as a bit of a joke

With nigel at the rsc.

So now, it's become
a little personal talisman

Against the curse.

So, I mean,
if you would all...

Indulge me?

Would you mind?


Is this a dagger
I see before me,

The handle
toward my hand?

let me clutch thee.

I have thee not,

And yet
I see thee still.

Art thou not,
fatal vision,

Sensible to feeling
as to sight?

Or art thou
but a dagger of the mind,

A false creation,

Proceeding from
the heat-oppressed brain?

I see thee yet,

In form as palpable
as this

Which I now draw.

Thou marshall'st me
the way that I was going;

And such an instrument
I was to use.

Oh, mine eyes
are made the fools

O' the other senses,

Or else
worth all the rest;

I see thee still,

And on thy blade
and dudgeon

Gouts of blood,

Which was not so before.

There's no such thing:

It is the bloody business

Which informs thus
to mine eyes.

Now, shall we get on
with our own bloody business?


He's gotten better
with age.

Fuck you!