Slings and Arrows (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 5 - Mirror up to Nature - full transcript

Geoffrey assumes the direction of Hamlet and Richard and Holly assume that a disaster is just around the corner. Oliver's ghost frees Ellen's pet chameleon and viola Ophelia is recast.

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Anna is bleaching her teeth.

They are getting a little whiter
every day so we're all very excited.

What else?

Frank and Cyril say hello.

They have baked you something
but I can't pronounce it.

The play.

No, May. I don't want to give
you another heart attack.

Right.
The play.

Well, Ellen is being Ellen.

And Claire is
absolutely horrible.

But Jack...



I don't know.

Ultimately, this is Jack
Crew's Hamlet. It's not mine.

And I'm not just saying
that to make excuses.

But I...

I don't know who he is.
I don't know what his thing is.

I don't know what he's
gonna bring to the role,

so I can't see the Hamlet,
so I can't see the play.

That's the problem.

- Richard...
- What's that, dear?

Richard.

- Richard?
- And Ho...

I didn't know you were there.

I have bored her rigid, apparently.
She wants to speak to you.

She's doing well.



May? I'm off to bother that hugely
breasted nurse for another vase.

May.

I am sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

But honestly?

Holly means well.

Cheer up, Hamlet

Chin up, Hamlet

Buck up, you melancholy Dane

So your uncle is a cad who
murdered Dad and married Mum

That's really no excuse to be
as glum as you've become

So wise up, Hamlet
Rise up, Hamlet

Buck up and
sing the new refrain

Your incessant monologizing
fills the castle with ennui

Your antic disposition
is embarrassing to see

And by the way, you sulky
brat, the answer is To Be

You're driving
poor Ophelia insane

So shut up, you
rogue and peasant

Grow up, it's most unpleasant

Cheer up, you
melancholy Dane

Slings & Arrows
1x05 A Mirror To Nature

Polonius falls and dies.

Oh, me, what
has thou done?

I don't know.

Who was it?
The king?

Oh, what a rash and
bloody deed is this.

Yeah, right.

Almost as bad as killing a king
and marrying his brother, right?

Why is he allowed to do that?

It's the method, isn't it, Ducky?
He's making it his own.

That's how they do it in America.

Oh, you idiot!

You stupid idiot.

I thought you
were the king.

Oh, well.
No great loss, eh?

How much longer are you going
to let him shred the text like that?

Well, at least he's making an effort.
Ellen is barely in the room.

She'll claim she has
nothing to work with.

He's giving her
plenty to work with!

Unfortunately, none of it was
written by William Shakespeare.

What have I done,

that thou darest wag thy tongue
in noise so rude against me?

What have you done?
What have you done?!

What have you done?
Fuck me!

Oh, my God.

Tic, tic, tic, Geoffrey.

Well, can't you do something?

Can't you, you know, cast
a spell? Make it all better?

A spell?
I'm not a witch.

Then what good are you?

I'm a shoulder to cry on.
Quip here and there.

No, honestly.

Why are you haunting me like this?
Do you have some kind of purpose?

Is there some sort of mystical task or
something you're supposed to perform

before they let you move on? Because
I'll tell you, I'll help you, my friend.

I would very much like to
help expedite that process.

Sorry, Geoffrey.
I don't know why I'm here.

There was no
pamphlet in the coffin.

Anyway, that he who
was without sin...

What?

What is your purpose
here exactly?

Would you like to
take a break, Geoffrey?

Yeah. Fifteen
minutes, please.

Fifteen minutes, everyone.

It's not my fault. He's
giving me nothing. Sorry.

What's with him anyway?

Maybe he doesn't like when
people do that to his cage.

Not him.
Him.

Why doesn't he
just say the lines?

Guess it's just
part of his process.

Well, didn't it ever come up?
I mean, when you guys are dating.

- I don't wanna talk about it.
- Fine.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Claire's a bitch.
- Yeah.

She's a terrible actress too,
in case you haven't noticed.

Yeah.

Why don't you
say the lines? Ever?

I can't say the lines
until it feels right.

Well, if you wanna run lines,
I mean, I'm available.

No, I know the lines.

I just, I don't own them yet.
You know what I mean?

When I'm improvising, those
are my words, so it feels right.

Okay. I know,
I heard of that.

Yeah. It's a method thing I picked
up when I worked with Howard.

- Howard?
- Ron Howard.

Yeah, I know, Opie,
right? Haha.

But the guy's been actor since he
was like three. He knows his stuff.

Sorry.

I would like to run lines
with you, though. If it's okay.

- Okay. - You know, you
want it to take it easy.

Well, we're just gonna run lines,
right? We're not gonna have sex.

To be perfectly honest,
I wanna do both.

Well, running lines is okay.

Tomorrow night?
Your place?

Great. I'll pick up some
Cheesies on the way home.

Cheesies, classy.

If we're gonna have sex,
I might spring for nachos.

We're back.

- I saw May this morning.
- She's a pain in my ass.

Wouldn't act on anything.

I'm flattering her back,
she's still fucking me over.

- Is that all you gonna have?
- I'm not really hungry.

Order a steak or something. You need
the protein. You'll pale and spindly.

The model's almost finished. It looks
so good, little trees and everything.

- What model? - The mock-up of
the town, for the pitch to the board.

- I didn't know we're having a model made.
- Visual aids are everything, sweetheart.

Trust me, I'm queen of the pitch.
I can sell books to the blind.

Blind people read books.
Brail books.

I meant books
with words, smartass.

- You think I look spindly? - Did
you ask Geoffrey for a season yet?

I'm waiting till tomorrow morning.

I'm leaving it
as late as possible.

Good boy.

You just look a little thin, is all.
I like a little meat on my man.

- You coming over tonight? - Yeah, just
for a quick. I've got palates in the morning.

It's not very good, is it?

It's all stairs.

I was thinking levels.

Hamlet would meet the ghost
on a higher plane, as it were.

Than deliver the
soliloquies here and here.

My heart really
wasn't in it, Geoffrey.

What do you think of Jack?

Well, he's very good-looking.
If I were younger...

Younger than dead, you mean?

Well, I won't use Darren's
design, needless to say.

And as for yours,
I just don't know.

No, don't touch it.

There's no money in the
budget for a third design.

Just cut it.
Cut it completely.

- What, do it on a bare stage?
- Why not? In rehearsal clothes.

Been done before,
1964, Gilbert and Burton.

That just proves it
was a good idea.

Come on! It would be honest.
It would be brutally honest.

Right. And you're
one to talk about honesty.

I am, actually.

Death virtually eliminates
the need for pretense.

There's no one to impress.

Well, I'm all for honesty, Oliver.
Especially in the theatre.

But the problem is whether
you have an empty space

or one that's all
cladded up with stairs.

And in the end, the audience is still just
watching a group of actors and actresses

pretending to be
queens and kings.

Well, with an attitude like
that, why do it at all?

Because.

Drama is that willing suspension
of disbelief for the moment.

Which constitutes poetic faith.

Poetic faith.

It's a beautiful idea.

Of course, the whole thing falls apart if one
of the actors isn't very good at pretending.

And will not come again.

No, no.

He is dead.

Go to thy death-bed.

Stop.

For God's sake, stop.

What?

- Where is this coming from?
- What?

This staggering about
with your mouth open.

You're being sarcastic again with me.
Please, don't be sarcastic.

Actually, I'm not, but sorry.

- Ophelia's mad.
- Right.

- I'm playing madness.
- Right.

And how does staggering about with
your mouth open suggest madness?

- I'm not mad.
- Right.

- And I've never had been,
so I have to simulate it. - Right.

I'm using sense memory.

I'm remembering what it was like
being stoned and I'm using that.

I'm disoriented,
my head is spinning...

- I think that's what it's probably
like when you're insane. - Right.

Well, it's not, trust me.

That's what it's like
when you're stoned.

Forgive me, I mean
no disrespect,

- but I don't have your
experience with insanity. - Right.

And this is hard anyway, because I
can't take any meaning from the text.

Ophelia's just singing
nonsense songs.

Right.

Claire.

Claire, Claire...
Claire with the hair.

Ophelia is a child.

She has been dominated
by powerful men all of her life

and suddenly,
they all disappear.

Her brother goes to France.

Her father is murdered
by her boyfriend

and he is shipped
off to England.

She is alone for the first time.

Grieving and
heartbroken and guilty.

Because, as far as
she is concerned,

it's all her fault.

She ignored her brother's advice
and fell in love with Hamlet.

And now, her father is dead.

All because of her.

And the pain
and the loss

and the shame
and the guilt,

all of this is gnawing away
inside this little child's mind

and it comes out
as little songs.

And will he not come again?

And will he not
come again?

No, no.

He is dead.

My father is dead

and I killed him.

Okay?

Now, let's try it again.

Without the Vietnam flashback.

Excuse me, Geoffrey.

Maria, can you take
them through it again?

From the top of
the scene, please.

- I enjoyed that.
- Oh, I'm glad.

But you're wasting your breath.
She'll never change.

The soul virtue of
ineffectual is consistency.

I don't know what the hell to do with her.
If you've got any bright ideas, feel free.

Richard, I'm in the
middle of rehearsals.

- It's about next season. - I don't
know what you're talking about.

- I sent you a memo last week.
- Give me the gist of it.

We need to next year's
season to the board

in order to qualify
for funding deadlines.

- I sent you a memo last week...
- Well, I didn't see it.

Or I did and I ignored it.

You looking for
something in particular?

No. I just...
I need a laugh.

Well, in future, please,
read my memos.

Richard, my design is a nightmare.

My Ophelia is worse than a
nightmare and I have no budget.

You have a budget deficit.

Why do you need
a season now?

Just bureaucratic garbage.
Council founding, that sort of thing.

- Anything on paper will...
- Oh, Christ! All right.

Look, I'll give you one. There,
what do you need, nine plays?

Electra.
Pericles.

Mother Courage. Don Carlos,
that's a very good part for Ellen.

Tempest.
Murder in the Cathedral.

How many does that do...
Five, six. What else?

How about...
Oh, Troilus and Cressida.

Haven't done that
in a long time.

And then maybe a commision.
Judith Thompson.

A brand new Canadian play.
Do we dare?

- Sounds great.
- Good and then

we will have for
dessert Blithe Spirit.

There, a season.

I'm sorry.
What's after the two Greeks?

Mother Courage. And incidentally,
Pericles was written by Shakespeare.

- Right.
- Well, look at this little fella.

Pull his string and he says

What? Must I hold
a candle to my shames?

- Sorry to bother you, Geoffrey.
- No, no, no, Richard.

Here's a daisy.

I would give
you some violets.

But they withered
all when my father died.

No, I do not understand!

This place absolutely
wreaks of money!

Yes, but it's all been designated.

There must be something you
can use from Darren's design.

I seem to recall seventeen thousand
dollars worth of pyrotechnics.

It is Hamlet,
it's not Tommy!

I'll do what I can, Geoffrey, but
honest to God, the well has run dry.

The well has run...

God, help me.

Claire fell of the stage.

I'm all right!
I'm all right, it's just a bruise.

Fuck!

- What happened?
- She was startled by a lizard.

It run up my fucking leg!

Did someone open the cage door?
God knows where it's now.

I'll call 911.

- That won't be necessary.
- What?

It's a chameleon.

- No. For...
- Right.

Of course.
Sorry.

A death, a duel,
a broken leg.

Perhaps the production is cursed.

Fuck.

Motherfuck...

Man.

I owe you some nachos.

This is stupid.

No.

Stupid is good.
Don't knock stupid.

- Fucking Claire.
- Oh, my God. Forget about her.

She's probably in
a hospital room right now,

- trying to tear her cast off.
- No. No, you think it's broken?

I don't know.
I hope so.

You hope so because
why exactly?

Because she's terrible
and I hate her

and you'd have
to take her place.

No.

No, it doesn't work like that.

They'd just bring
somebody in.

Oh, my God. I would freak
right out if they called me.

I would freak out.

I freaked when they called me.

I have wanted to be Ophelia ever
since I saw Ellen play her.

- I was twelve.
- Really?

Yeah.

I used to dance around the house
with flowers in my hair, singing.

My mom sent me to a therapist.

You saw Hamlet when
you were twelve?

I read it when I was ten.

Man!

Until I was fourteen
I wouldn't read anything

unless it was about someone
becoming radioactive.

I can just picture you.

Chubby little boy reading
comic books under the sheets.

- Star Wars sheets.
- Get out.

- I had Wookies on my pillow.
- Get out!

You were such a loser.

I don't know if I can.

Use the Force, Luke.

Hello?

Hi, Maria.

No, it's okay.

Really?

Yeah, well, it
looked pretty bad.

Yeah, she's here, actually.

Sure.

Hello?

Well, if you want
my honest opinion,

it's an interesting season, from
a purely academic point of view.

Mother Courage.
Pericles.

I doubt that very many of
our subscribers even know

that William Shakespeare
wrote Pericles.

Don't mean to sound
elitist, but anyway.

Once again, I find myself
apologising for Geoffrey Tennant.

But this time I do think
his heart's in the right place.

His mind, however, is still in the
world of not-for-profit theatre.

I did, I must admit,
anticipate this eventuality

and I've spent the last few
weeks compiling a season

I think is more consistent with
this board's vision of the festival.

Holly, would you mind passing
up those packets, please?

I think you'll agree that
it's an exciting season.

As you know, Oliver's
mantra for last few years

was accesibility and I think
he would've been thrilled

to see three musicals
included in one season.

So why don't we take a look
and when we get back,

we'll talk about
it in more detail.

Thank you.

- I think that went well.
- Oh, you were so great.

Wait till they see the revenue projections.
They'll gonna shit themselves.

There's still the May
factor to deal with.

- I don't think she's gonna
be a problem. - No, no.

You have to tell them that
I will be meeting with May

to get her feedback on the season,
before we submit our grand proposal.

Yeah, but what if somebody finds out
that you didn't actually go and meet her?

- No, I will be.
- Really?

Yeah. You know,
keep her in the loop.

Richard, I'm not
a complete witch.

You know I can't help but feel a
little responsible for her condition.

Let's face it, she's
not long for this world.

So I'd better patch things
up before she slips away.

It's not like I broke
her leg myself.

I don't know what you're
so upset about, it was that lizard.

She is in the hospital!

Better there than on the stage.

I'm trying to help, Geoffrey.

I'm trying to find
my place in all this

and if that means making manifest
your secret desires, then so be it.

My secret desires?

You imagined strangling
her yourself a thousand times.

So you can read my mind now?
Is that what you are telling me?

Don't be ridiculous.
I know you.

You would never
have fired her.

You'd have spent days with her,

trying to squeeze out something
resembling a decent performance.

Every other aspect of the
production would have suffered.

I did you a favour.

Oliver, I don't want your
favours anymore, all right?

I do not wanna come in tomorrow morning
and find Jack burried under a pile of flats.

No.

Jack is your Hamlet.
I would never touch him.

You see something
in Jack, don't you?

Something no one else sees.

You have vision.

I used to have vision,
remember? It left with my hair.

Why don't you
have a little sleep?

Care keeps his watch
in every old man's eye

and where care lodges,
sleep will never lie.

But where unbruised youth
with unstuff'd brain

doth couch his limbs,

there golden sleep doth reign.

I'm hardly an unbruised youth.

Hi.
You're here early.

I bought some bran muffins.
They're day old, but they're still good.

- Do you want one?
- Bran? No, thank you.

But I would like a coffee.
Black.

Sure.
Cream and sugar?

Yeah. Black.

Lord, we know what we are,
but know not what we might be.

Who said that?

Ophelia.

Welcome, Kate.

All right, let's get started.

- Frank, knock, knock.
- Who's there?

Excellent.
First line of the play.

The world's longest
knock-knock joke.

Who's there indeed.

Who are there people?
Who is Hamlet and Ophelia?

And the answer is:
whoever is playing them.

Now, I want this
production to be about us.

So we're going
to modify the design,

you might say throw it out.

I want everyone to have a look
through this rack of costume pieces

and find something that you need.
Don't worry about period.

Shakespeare didn't care about
anachronisms, so neither should we.

Just find something that says

prince, or daughter,

or, in Cyril's case, queen.

And Maria, I would
very much like

to move the rehearsal
al fresco for today

because it is a beautiful day.

All right.
Go!

- No set?
- No. Some chairs, maybe.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Geoffrey.
No set, no Hamlet?

It's gonna be quite a show.

Thanks, Ellen.
Thanks for caring.

Oh, hey.

- How much?
- This?

- Twenty bucks.
- Twenty bucks?

Okay.

Sorry, babe.
Took forever.

I'll be in a minute, sweetheart.

- Richard.
- Ellen, hey.

- Sorry, should've called first.
- He is over 18.

What can I do for you?

I just dropped by to see
how things were going.

Well, the sex is incredible.

- I meant the rehearsals.
- I know, darling.

They're going as well as can be expected.
The new Ophelia is a blessing.

Good. Good.

- What about Geoffrey?
- What about him?

You know what
I'm talking about.

Is he ranting and frothing
at the mouth? A bit.

He's unstable. We know
that's been established.

You're defending him.
Surprising.

He's my director.
Like it or not.

- He cut the design.
- Yes.

- And the costumes.
- Basically, yes.

You know what I'm
talking about, Ellen.

People pay money to
see these productions.

They expect to see
actors in costumes.

A set.

Especially in this case.
It's our flagship production.

What do you want, Richard?

Okay, look.
I just want you to know

we can postpone.

Cancel, even, if necessary.
We've done it before, you know?

If it looks as the production
is not going to be suitable.

Suitable? What do
you mean, suitable?

Not up to our usual standards.
Ellen, don't get defensive.

I'm here to protect you.

You can come and see me if you
think this Hamlet is degrating into...

- Into what?
- Amateurism.

Come on, baby.
The 'za's getting cold.

I have to go.
The 'za is getting cold.

Nay, but you live in the rank
sweat of an enseamed bed,

stew'd in corruption

and you screw in that bed!

Are you done?

O, speak to me no more. These words,
like daggers, enter in mine ears.

What's she doing?
She's up to something.

Uncle Claudius is
a murderer and a villain.

She's testing you.
She wants a confrontation.

Stop it!

- You want us to stop?
- No.

Yeah.

Ellen, you're not here.
You're not in the room.

- Sorry. - Polonius is
lying dead on the floor,

- your son is accusing you of having
murdered your... - I know the story.

Okay, well, then
please, join us.

- Fine.
- Gertrude: O, speak to me no...

O, speak to me no more. These
words, like daggers, enter in mine ears.

No more, sweet Hamlet.

Uncle Claudius is
a murderer and a villain.

Look at her.
She's baiting you.

You'd better deal with this, old boy,
before the situation festers.

Will you, please, shut up!

I'm sorry, man.
I'm all...

Are you in any condition to do this?
I mean, really. Are you?

Because you're lunatic
babblings are very distracting.

Ellen, you are not
participating in the process.

- It is very frustrating...
- I know.

I know.
I'm sorry.

I cannot direct you
if you refuse to act.

But how do I act in a
play that doesn't exist?

I believe the play's been
around for about 400 years.

Yes, but I can't see it!
We have no set.

And I can't hear it.
Oh, I know the play well enough.

But I'm not hearing
any of the text.

I mean, what are we
doing here, Geoffrey?

Are we putting on Hamlet?

Do we even have a Hamlet?
I'm sorry, Jack. I'm sorry.

But we open in nine days,
for the love of God!

And I am terrified!

Well, we all are!
We are absolutely terrified!

Ellen, when you start
coming to rehearsals on time,

and when you stop sending Maria
out for cookie and coffee runs

and when you stop
interrupting scenework

so you can dash
out for a quick fag

and when you start
showing your fellow actors

just the tiniest
bit of respect

then I will be thrilled
to listen to you.

But until such time
you will, please,

resist the urge of
speaking for the group!

Fuck!

Maria.

Five minutes, everyone.

- Is this not a good time?
- What?!

It's about the budget. It's been
a battle, I don't mind telling you.

- But we've come up with
a compromise. - What?

We don't have to
talk about this now.

Richard, I don't want to kill you,

but I will, if you do
not get to the point.

Fine. We're gonna cannibalise
the preview period

and rebook the theatre for
series of corporate events.

No previews?

Yeah.

Just one dress rehearsal
and then we open?

Are you insane?

You saw what happened on there.
You expect me to go back in there

and tell these people that they just
lost seven preview performances?

I knew this was a bad time.

All right, let's see
if he can do it.

Please.

Maria.

Are we back, Geoffrey?

Jack, 3:1.

Okay, act three, scene one.
Claudius and Polonius.

No, just Jack.

- You're gonna run the soliloquy.
- Okay.

- This one scares you, yeah?
- Yeah, it scares the shit out of me.

- Why, you know it.
- Yeah, of course I know it.

Everybody knows it.
That's the problem.

Why?

Because when I say
To be or not to be,

the audience will be hearing every, every
great actor who ever spoke those words.

- They'll here Olivier, Burton, you.
- More likely Mel Gibson, but...

When I say those lines,
they won't be in the play anymore.

They'll just be watching
some guy acting.

- Yeah.
- Me specifically.

- This is a problem?
- Yeah, that's a fucking problem.

Because you're just being
a guy acting and Hamlet isn't?

No.

Well... Yeah, he is,
kind of, in a way.

Okay. So Hamlet is just acting?
Is that what you're saying?

Well, yeah, I mean...

He acts like he's crazy.
That antic disposition.

But then no, not really.

All right. You have
got to be specific.

In this scene, act
three, scene one.

Does Hamlet know that Claudius
and Polonius are spying on him?

- I don't know.
- You have to know.

If Hamlet is aware of their presence,

then when you speak these
particularly famous words,

you're performing for the
guy who killed your father

and for meddling old fool,
both of whom are hidden in this room.

But if you don't
know they're here,

then your audience is you

and those people
on the seats.

But you have to decide.

- Now?
- Right now.

Right now. You keep the decision
to yourself if you want to,

but you have to decide.

Claudius and Polonius, please.

- Jesus.
- Jack, listen to me.

There are lot of people here who
don't think you can pull this thing off.

I think they're wrong.

But you have to do it.

And you have
to do it right now

and you have to
do it with the text.

So let's go.
Do what you do.

Act.

To be, or not to be.

That is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind to suffer

the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,

or to take arms against
a sea of troubles

and by opposing end them?

To die.

To sleep.

No more.

And by a sleep to say we end

the heart-ache and the
thousand natural shocks

that flesh is heir to.

'Tis a consummation
devoutly to be wish'd.

To die, to sleep.

To sleep, perchance to dream.

Ay, there's the rub.

For in that sleep of death
what dreams may come

when we have shuffled
off this mortal coil.

Must give us pause.

There's the respect that
makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the
whips and scorns of time,

the oppressor's wrong,
the proud man's contumely,

the pangs of despised love,
the law's delay,

the insolence of office
and the spurns

that patient merit
of the unworthy takes,

when he himself
might his quietus make

with a bare bodkin?

Who would fardels bear,

to grunt and sweat
under a weary life.

But that the dread
of something after death,

the undiscover'd country
from whose bourn

no traveller returns,
puzzles the will

and makes us rather
bear those ills we have

than fly to others
that we know not of?

Thus conscience does
make cowards of us all.

And thus the native
hue of resolution

is sicklied o'er with
the pale cast of thought

and enterprises of
great pith and moment

with this regard their
currents turn awry

and lose the name of action.

But soft you now!

The fair Ophelia!

Nymph, in thy orisons
be all my sins remember'd.

That was great.

Thank you.

We lost all our previews.

What?

Hello, everybody.

Here we go.

Well, we only have one dress
rehearsal, which is not great,

but it's okay, because
as the saying goes,

a bad dress means...

- A good opening.
- Exactly.

So we are protected, aren't we. We're
protected to a certain extent by a clich?.

No, I'm sorry.

This is actually going
to be a nightmare.

It is going to have that sickly, sickly
feeling of playing to an empty house

except for a couple of ushers
and maybe a sympathetic lizard.

But there's no
avoiding it, so...

Just find your light,
say your lines.

If you can't find your light, shout
your lines from the shadows.

Get through it
as best you can.

Try and fix what
needs fixing tomorrow.

It is going to be frightening.

Have a good show.

You know, there is one

one encouraging
thing that I can say and it's...

I just happen to believe that this play is the
single greatest achievement in Western art.

We got that
much going for us.

I am the center of my universe.

All things revolve around me.

My power is beyond measure.

I am God.

Please, turn tape.

He should know better
than that. What are we at?

- Just approaching half-hour.
- Jesus Christ.

Well, I did try to explain
but he was very persistant.

That can be an attractive quality,
given the right circumstance.

Don't be mad.

- I will leave you now?
- Yes, you will. Please.

- I have to get ready.
- I know.

I just wanted to
say, you know...

Good luck with the opening.

It's not the opening,
dear, it's the dress.

- The what?
- I explained this to you before.

- Look, those are for me, right?
- Yeah.

- The guy said they're yellow roses.
- They're beautiful, thank you.

- I have to get ready, sorry.
- And I got you a present.

That's so sweet.
Thank you.

- Open it. - I can't, I have to
get ready. I'll open it later.

No, I wanna see your face
when you open it.

Honey, I have to get ready!

I'm very tense, really.
You have no idea what's involved.

Okay, I'll just tell you.
It's a Game Boy.

I don't know what that is, dear.

It's a Game Boy, so you can play it between
the scenes and whatever, you know?

Thank you so much.
That's so sweet.

I have to go now,
cause I'm gonna cry.

Don't worry.
You'll be great, I know it.

Thank you, sweetie.

Careful.
Go away!

Sorry.

Half-hour. This is
your half-hour call.

Shit!

Shit!

Good show, Geoff.

I was looking for Maria,
but I'll just ask you.

Act four, scene five.

So full of artless jealousy is guilt,
it spills itself in fearing to be spilt.

- Enter up left?
- Right. I mean, yes.

Okay.

- And by Gis and...
- Saint Charity.

- Thank you. To the
mark by the riser? - Yeah.

And good night, sweet ladies,
good night, good night...

- Exit up centre.
- That's it.

- You're gonna be great.
- Okay. Thank you.

- Jack's bucket?
- Yes.

It's good, it's really relaxing.

It's kind of nasty for you though.

If I were bothered by vomit,
I would not work in the theater.

Oh, God!
Send him away!

I just wanted to
say break a leg.

Too late for that now.

You too, Geoff.

This is your
five minute call.

Five minutes till
the top of the show.

Sorry again, man.

Just wanted to say
have a good show.

Thanks, man.

Sorry. I'm pretty freaked right
now, to tell you the truth.

I'm sure you are, Jack.

I know that things have
been kinda... kinda crazy.

But I just wanted to say,
you know, don't worry.

Nobody expects you to
become a classical actor.

You're a movie star
and that's the truth of it.

Just like Geoffrey says, right?
You'll sell us out no matter what.

So just go out
there and have fun.

House lights out, go.

Hello, dear.

How we feeling today?
Good.

Listen, I know that in
your present condition

you'll be unable to attend to
the upcoming board meeting

and I know how badly you
wanna be kept in a loop

so I thought I'd drop by and
do my presentation for you.

Ready?

Presenting Shakespeare-ville.

Let me introduce you to a dream.

It's a dream of
a theatrical wonderland

where middle-income families
can come and enjoy

the world of theatre in a non-threatning
atmosphere of accesibility and comfort.

It's a dream of theme hotels and
fudge shops with clerks and costumes

and high-quality big-budget
theatrical productions.

Three stages running touring productions
of Broadway's hottest hits twice daily.

An expanded and modernized
main stage facility

devoted exclusively to musicals.

And two smaller stages for
those who like the classics.

This is a dream of New
Burbage transformed.

We can make this
dream a reality.

We must!

We owe it to the visionaries
who came before us.

To Oliver Welles

and to our own dear
sweet May Silverstone.

This is what
she would've wanted.

Let this be her legacy.

And then I switch to
PowerPoint. Any comments?

What's that?

Good dress, everyone.

Tomorrow, as you
know, is opening night.

I want cast and crew
at 10 o'clock in the morning.

That's 10 AM, for notes
and a partial run-through.

There'll be a lot to cover, so thank
you in advance for your patience.

- Not bad, huh?
- Kate, you were amazing!

Hey, we got through it.

Motherfuck!

Jack?

EN synchro: namuras