Sliders (1995–2000): Season 5, Episode 6 - Please Press One - full transcript

The Sliders arrive in a cashless world controlled by Data Universal. Maggie is kidnapped and begins to be processed by an automatic system so she can become part of the Data Universal world.





Hey, you all right?

Never better.

Man, is that fun!

When's the next ride leave?

We've got
a 10 hour layover,
Mr. Olympiad.


MAGGIE: I'm starving.

So, what should
we call this place,
Data Universal?

"Data Universal"?

Something like that
is almost never
there for you.

"Data Universal Hardware,
Data Universal Pharmacy,

"Data Universal Travel."

What about
Data Universal Eats?
'Cause I'm starving.

You got any coins?

Oh, no, yuck!
No junk food.
I need some real food.

Yeah, let's go on
a pasta hunt, huh?


Great, this thing
doesn't even take cash.

Please present data number.

Present data number.

Uh, sorry, I, uh...
I left it at home.

Please press one.


Please stand by.







What if you found a portal
to a parallel universe?

What if you could slide into
a thousand different worlds

where it's the same year
and you're the same person,

but everything else
is different?

And what if you can't
find your way home?


What the hell
just happened?

Well, we've got
a keypad here.

Maggie must have
triggered something.

A vending machine
that eats the customer?

Sliders rule number 11,

never rule out the obvious,
no matter how weird.

Chips, coffee,

candy bars.
It all seems
normal enough.

This is definitely
a camera.

This other device
looks like some
kind of a scanner.

You mean, somebody's on
the other side watching?

What do you think
we're dealing with here?

Well, the what is obviously
this Data Universal.

We find them,
we find Maggie.

We've got under 10 hours
to do it, all right?

Let's go.



Hello, and good day
from all your friends
at Data Universal.

I'm 5579-A
and I'll be your personal
account representative.

Where the hell am I?

If you'll just hold
your barcode up
to the screen

we can
process your application
as quickly as possible.

No, I didn't apply
for anything.

I was kidnapped
and brought here.

We're sorry
you've fallen through
the bureaucratic cracks

but with your
speedy cooperation

we can have you
mainstreamed in no time.

No time is what I've got.

I have friends
who are expecting me.

Now, why am I here?

Why you attempted to
use money, of course.


And you don't
use money, here.
Of course!

What was I thinking?

So tell me,
what's the drill, huh?

Is it a chip in the head
or a bone graft?

Or is this idiot bracelet
the key to the bank, huh?

You know just for once,

I'd like to put
a coin in a slot and
get a lousy pack of gum

instead of being sucked
into some kind of gulag!

Is that too much
to ask for, Mr. Number?

Uh, it's 5579-A.

(SIGHS) Whatever.


I'm sorry you seem
to be so upset.

But we really can't proceed
until you are scanned
into the system.

Scan this.

There's no phone book.

Try information.

OPERATOR: Thank you
for using Universal
Information Services.

Yes, uh,
do you have a number
for Data Universal?

For directory assistance,
please press one,

followed by
your code number.

Look, I don't
have a code number.

I'm trying to reach
Data Universal.

Enter code now.


Uh, listen, I'm at
a rotary phone, here...

Hello? Hello?

This reminds me of
that old Bob Seger tune,

Feel Like a Number.

Well, I'm not a number.

I thought we'd try
to get a business directory,
but no chance of that.

Just find me
a crowbar.

Squeeze it easy.

VOICE: Welcome to
Data Universal newsstand.

Please present
your barcode.


Hello, 491538166-B.

Your daily copy
of the Dispatch
is ready for you

as well at this week's
business magazine.

A total of $2.95
will be charged
to your account.

Thanks for shopping
the Data Universal way.

Sir, excuse me.

Pardon me, ma'am.
Could we...

The Data Universal way
must be the rude way.

Or the shy way.

we just don't exist here
without a barcode.

Cashless society.

Wonder if anybody's
told him that.


You think
I'm some kind
of panhandler?

It speaks.

It also stands
and kicks butt, fella.

So watch it.

Sorry, we didn't mean
to, uh, it's...

It's just that
no one seems to...

Yeah, I know.

Real human interaction
has been on the out
for years.

Those damn chat rooms,
I think.

you guys look a little
down and out yourselves.

Wanna buy a number?

Get you a whole new identity
sky-high credit limits

Actually, we're just
looking for
a little Information.

From a person?

What are you,
some kind of protestors?

Statement makers?
I know,
you're Green Voice!

Actually, we're not
from around here.

I'm Diana, Rembrandt
and Mallory.

Ah, well, Data Universal
thinks I'm 719 something,

but the name's
Arlo Higgins.

Look, our friend got nabbed
by one of those
crazy driverless trucks.

You mean a scoop?

You must be from far away
not to know about scoops.

Worlds away,
you might say.

Bummer, chances are

your friend will be lost
in the system forever.

Adiós, muchachos.

Arlo, we're not
that easily put off.

We're gonna get to her
no matter what.

So can you help us?

Take on the big "D?"

Yeah, I'm into it.

I'm into it big time.

Come on,
I got some things
that might help.

How long am I
going to be kept here?

I've told you.
It's up to you.

I'd like to help you
on your way,

but you'll have
to cooperate.

What do you
want me to do?

That's better.
Simply hold your bracelet
up to the scanner.

Confirming temporary ID
number 36041688-A.


I'll call you 360.

Just call me Maggie.

That would be
against policy.

All right, no.
No numbers.

You either call me
Maggie or Ms. Beckett.

Those are your choices.

Uh, very well,
you can be Maggie.

Thank you so much.

Now, then, uh, Maggie,

we have to build up a profile
so that all your daily needs
can be met.

This is really
for your own good.

All right.
Let's get on with it.

If you prefer to live
in an urban environment,
please press one.

press two.

In a rural environment,
press three.

It's not that simple.

Of course it is.

No, it's not.

I spent most of my life
living on military bases.

We moved around a lot

so sometimes we were
near a big city,
sometimes not.


All right,
my favorite place

was this little house
in San Francisco

that I lived in
with my husband Steven.

It had this
beautiful little garden
in the backyard.

San Francisco
is one of our larger
metropolitan areas.

The appropriate button
would be one.


I don't like your name.

I beg your pardon.

It's not a name,
it's a number.

If it's okay for you
to call me Maggie,

then it's okay
for me to call you...

Guy. I'll call you Guy.

You are a very

troubling client.

All my friends
tell me the same thing.

Less than nine hours to go.

ARLO: Yeah.

DIANA: That's you?

Yeah, that's me.

You worked
for Data Universal?

I put in my time.

"Arlo Higgins.
Data Universal's
account rep of the month."

So, what do they do?

Simply put,
they take care of you.

Provided, of course,
you play by their rules.

What do you do
with all this stuff?

Ah, I thought about
having a garage sale

but everybody else
has more stuff than I do.

Yeah, it's one big
efficient cycle.

You work for Data Universal
just to buy all their stuff.

They know what
you like to eat, to wear,
to read, to drive.

They've got
all your sizes.

So nobody has
to think at all.

Yeah, like that guy
at the newsstand.

What a way to live.


Check this out.

This was my stash
before Data Universal
took over

and assigned everybody
a single number.

That's quite
a collection.

Oh, this,
this was my favorite.

Issued by
American Provincial Bank,

It's very rare,
it's never been swiped.


Ah, so they know
everything about you?
Kind of a big brother.

That's all you become.

Numbers. Codes. Files.
You're no longer a person,

you're just a consumer.

And if you're not a consumer,
you're not a person.

What if you changed
your personal preferences,

changed your mind?

If they want you
to change your mind,
they'll change it for you.

What can you tell us
about what happened
to our friend?

Well, they're probably
processing her
as we speak.

Ah, here it is.

Will they hurt her?

Depends on how
cooperative she is.

Maggie, cooperative?

Hello, again, Maggie.

I've consulted with
my superiors about your,

shall we say,
rather special problem,

and we think
we can get you back
to your friends soon.

We'll profile you
with our patented rapid
processing system.

Good, Guy. Thank you.

We can have you
processed in two hours.

Now then, Maggie,

would you like a local
or general anesthesia?

Press one for local.
Press two for...


Why your mind scan,
of course.

Mind scan? For what?

It's the fastest way.

Well, forget it.

I'm sorry
but you don't
have a choice.

The procedure is quite safe,
and has a 87% survival rate.

Now this shouldn't
hurt a bit.

Guy, why are you
doing this to me?

We were just getting
to know each other.

This is a way for me
to get to know you
even better.

Oh, no, it isn't.
We need to talk.

That's... That's how
you become friends.

We have been talking.

No, we haven't, Guy.
You've been
interrogating me.

Guy, real friends,
they communicate.

A real friend is
a special person that
you want to spend time with.

Aren't you ever
lonely, Guy?

Isn't there a need
for someone special
in your life?

Well, uh, I network with
the other account reps,
we consult.

What is that about, huh?

I'm talking about
long lunches.

Do you guys
ever go out for margaritas
or just hang out at a bar?

Well, that's a little
difficult for me, Maggie.

Oh, what's so
difficult about it?

Let me ask you
a question, Guy.

Boxers or briefs, huh?


It's a simple question.
Just press one for briefs,
two for boxers.

I see you
as a boxers guy.

You know, that
uptight corporate type.

Proceeding with
the retinal scan.

Whoa, whoa!
Wait, wait,
wait a minute

I'm just doing my job.

I'm sorry I brought up
your underwear,


VOICE: Confirming subject,
given name Maggie Beckett.

Resides San Francisco,

Spending habits,
low purchase quotas.

no outstanding balance.

Carries zero debt.
Repeat, zero debt.

That's unusual.
It seems you are
in our records after all.

You've already
been processed.

Thank God for
my duplicate.

And you've been
a very bad girl,
haven't you?

Hardly using your credit card.
What's wrong with you?

Don't you like shopping?

Yes, it's just
not the most important
thing in my life.

That is a very
dangerous thing to say.

Your return to society
will have to be delayed.

Oh, no, no forget it.

I am so sick and tired
of you people.

You have no right,

to my private information,
thoughts or otherwise,

and you have no right
to keep me here.

I want out now!

You're to begin
basic buyer behavior
and credit card counseling

first thing tomorrow.

After three weeks
you should be fit
to return to society

a fine upstanding
consuming citizen.

Is that clear?


I thought
we were friends, Guy!

Can't you stop this?



I am sorry, Maggie.

Hey, why don't we
just take the same route in
that Maggie did?

You mean the scoop express?

And end up
being processed
like she was?

It's a bad idea.

Look, it should be
a piece of cake.

All we do is
we lure a scoop in,

we climb aboard

and then we take
a joyride into
Data Universal.

Those things hit their victim
with some kind of force field
before they capture them.

If we all get zapped,
we'll be pretty helpless.

I am ready to rock.

Been standing
downwind of them
for too many years.

Time to stop running
and fight.


Okay, we give it a shot.

Let's go.

Welcome to the waiting room.

Data Universal thanks you
for spending time with us.

Hello, I'm James.

Welcome to
the waiting room.

Maggie Beckett.

Okay, are you being
reprocessed here too?

No, I'm a refuser.

Call me a prisoner
of conscience.

Well, I guess
I'm one of those, too.

At least
I refused to make
the ridiculous choices

my account rep
wanted me to.

Hmm. Good for you.

But if they're
reprocessing you,

they must think
you have promise.

You could be
out of here soon.

Yeah, how long
have you been here?

Six years.


Please present data number.

Open the pod bay door, Hal.

Insert data number.

Please press one.


I have scoop-sign!


Go! Go! Go!

Come on, sucker!


REMBRANDT: Your mama!








I'm gonna feel
that tomorrow.


My friends and I,
we refused to
be processed,

sorted, filed
and coded
by the computer.

That's a crime?

Technically, no,

but Data Universal, they
couldn't quite figure out
what to do with us.

They consider us
incomplete files.

So they put us in here.
The waiting room.

What right do they have
to keep you here?

No, it was our choice.

We refused to
use their credit

so we have no rights
as citizens.

What are you in for?

Not charging enough
I guess.

Ah, yeah.

"Crank up those balances.
Come on, don't worry.
Charge it now. Pay later."


They'll indoctrinate you
and you'll be out
by the end of the week.

No, I have to...
I have to be out
much sooner.

I have friends
I have to meet
on the outside.

You got friends
on the outside?


And I'm sure
they're very worried
about me.

Here it comes again!

Okay, Remmy,
get its attention.


Get its attention.

REMBRANDT: Hey, hey,
hold up there! Hey!

Look over here!

Come on, come on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.


Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Get down, get down.




Nice job.

Now are we
gonna be able to
drive this thing?

Ever hear of a hotwire?

Matter of fact, I have.

So why don't you
show me your style.

Can I get to see
my account rep again?

Don't know why not.

No, I mean face to face.

I don't know about that.

That's never been
done before.

Personal contact
between the company
and the customer.

It's unheard of.

They think
I'm somebody else.

I really sensed
that I was reaching
this guy, Guy.


That's what I call him.

Well, didn't he
have a number?


Oh, he's one of
the new ones.

Well, I'm sure
we can call him up
on the computer.

Arlo, you guys okay?

Yeah. Hit it.

So, did you
ever get busted?

What are you
talking about?

Guy steals enough cars,
odds are, he gets popped.

I mean, that wasn't
your first wire job.

I was into it
for sport, not profit.

I didn't have
the money for a car,

and I didn't
like society
on the bus.

What's a boy to do
on a late night?

Wire up a nice ride,
drop it off later

and sometimes
I'd even top off
the gas tank.


Had a cousin
that was just like that.


Couldn't keep a job.

Never held his own.

Keeping him out of trouble
was like having
a second fulltime job.

I don't need you
to watch over me,

Then you watch yourself.

'Cause we're a team.

We really can't use
a hot dog.

I was a wild kid,
made my share
of troubles,

but I'm different now,

Five years
in a wheelchair
does that.

Fair enough.

Listen, no hard feelings
about that little
credit problem.

We're still friends,

Hard feelings?

Of course not.

I was thinking,

how about dinner?

Yes, your dinner
will be served promptly
through the chutes at...

No, no, I...

I was thinking dinner
between you and me
as friends.

We're still friends,

Yes, but I'm afraid
dinner between us
is impossible.

Is there anything else
I can do for you?

Well, you could do me
a little favor as a friend.

I'm really anxious about
getting my credit
balances up, you know.

Spend, spend, spend.

So, uh,
can I order out,

This is not a service
we normally provide, friend,

but for you
I'll make an exception.

Use the customer station
to order anything you like.

Thank you, so much, Guy.

I really appreciate this
more than you know.

I'm glad to see
you're getting
with the program.

ARLO: You know,
once I took a solemn vow

never to set foot
on their soil again.

But I gotta tell you,

it feels good to be
back in the game.

I wonder what they did
with my old office?


Uh, maybe we could
get inside the mainframe,

trip up a program or two.

Maybe crash the thing?

You know
how to do that?

I've been known to work
a miracle or two.

Maybe we could
do some good.

We're talking
hacking here.

Hacking Data Universal's

I like it.
I like it a lot!


Should I blast through?


Oh, man, man,
what's this?

It's the same beam
that scanned Diana.

It's checking out
the scoop's ID.

Confirming vehicle 775.



Where do you think
they're holding our friend?

It could be anywhere.
This place goes on forever.

May take that long
to find her.

No way.

It's gonna have to
be done in exactly
two and a half hours.

So, are we
gonna be eating
or cleaning tonight?

You're going to
lose your appetite
in a minute.


So, are you going to
tell me what this is?

Just a bomb.

All right.

Just in case the first one
doesn't do the job,

here's a second one.

Put a wick on it.

Tape it up.


excuse me everyone.

I'm going to
blow the door.

So when I tell you
to get down,

make sure you do it.

MAN: Come over here.

Oh, you can
get down now.


Make a wish.




Let's go.

Come on.

Your example of
political conscience

is no good unless
the people on the outside
know about it.

Okay. Okay.
So, which way
to the exit?

I don't...
I think this way.

What do you mean?
You don't know?

Six years is a long time.

I think it's left.

No, right.

MAGGIE: Well, which?

Ah, right.

Oh, come on.

Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.
Where are you going?

Before I go,
I want to visit
my account rep.

MAGGIE: Here it is.

5579-A: Press two
for account balances.

Press three for
a review of purchases.

Press four to locate
your account representative.

Press... Ah, Maggie.

I didn't expect you here.

You're a computer.

Of course.
What did you think I was?

I'll shut him up.

What are you doing?
Maggie, stop him!

Put him down.

Thank you, Maggie.

Now is there anything
I can do for you?

Let's get out of here.

I thought you were Guy.

Press two
for account balances.
Press three...

I can't.

You're a refuser.
You bucked the system.

I know.

(SIGHS) The truth,

I'm afraid.

If I go out there uncoded,

I won't survive.

Of course you will.

Come on, James.
I don't have time
to argue with you.

You gotta take
my word for it,

you will survive
without Big Brother
taking care of you.

Besides, there are
people out there that need
you to show them the way.



I couldn't do that.




Your cousin, the one
you had to look after.

He was a pain
in the ass?

Yeah, just like you.


So did he turn out okay?

A month after
I left home,
he died.

What happened?

Dead is dead.

The point is,
he never learned anything.

He never grew.

And I would just hate
to see that happen
to you, Mallory.


What is this?

This is where they would
have brought your friend.

Looks like a chute.

Yeah, they got a lot
of chutes here.

It's a way in.
That's all that counts.

It'll probably bring us
closer to where
Maggie's located.

You wanna go first?

After you.

Just like that?

You have no idea
where it goes,

and you're just gonna
jump in and slide
to who knows where?

Actually, we do it
all the time.

You're just going to
stand there?



Wait, wait a minute.
You'll get lost down there.

We'll be okay.

Thanks for
bringing us this far.
You were a great help.


Ah, heck.



Was that fun or what?

Oh, I'll tell you
as soon as the feeling
comes back into my butt.

Hello, and good day
from all your friends
at Data Universal.

I'm 5579-A

and I'll be your personal
account representative.

Who's this?
Ah, some account rep.

Welcome to Data Universal.

Please place
your barcode bracelet
up to the screen

so we can process
your reapplication
as quickly as possible.

Out of the frying pan,
into the fire?

Not even close.

Lucky for you, folks,
I came along after all.

I got this one
from a CEO.


Security access override.

Thank you for using
Data Universal.

Where the customer
is always right.


5579-A: Maggie,
what are you doing?

Sorry, Guy,
I'm leaving.

Is that how you
treat a friend?

Excuse me?

You betrayed my trust.

I unwittingly helped you
to escape.

Do you have any idea
how much trouble I'm in?

You're a computer.

And that makes me
less of a person?

Do you know what you've done
to my customer platinum
performance rating, huh?

I'm sorry.

I'm in really
big trouble.

Look, Guy,
you had no right to
nab me in the first place.

Your account
is being passed to
Sector Control.

Searching 36041688-A.

Please confirm

Who are you?

This is Sector Control.

Please report
to my office,
Miss Beckett.

There's some unfortunate
bureaucratic foul-ups
that need to be set right.

Just, uh, you can
go through the door
right in front of you.

Security overseer
to Sector 9.

That's better.

Would you like
to sit down.

At last,
a real person.

No, I would not
like to sit down.

I would like to
get out of here.

Hmm, well, um,
we have
a serious problem

and it requires
an immediate resolution.

Someone with
your account number

purchased a leather handbag
in Geneva this morning.


your account
is being used
by somebody else,

and dual accounts
are against
the company policy.

Now, we've followed
her activity patterns
all day long

and they correspond
to the Maggie Beckett
that we have on file.

Your activity patterns
do not,

which brings us
to the conclusion

that she is the
real Maggie Beckett.

Well, you see,
I can explain that.

Since there cannot be
two identical files,

we must initiate
our overwrite policy.

Overwrite policy?

We're canceling your access
to the Beckett account

and deleting you.

Deleting me?



Maggie, what's going on?

This is my prom date!
What do you think
is going on?

They're taking me
to my execution!


Overseer 791,
this is 5579-A.

I have a few questions
for the customer.

Are you talking
about a deletion?

Don't make it sound
so antiseptic.

Is there anything
you can do?

That apparatus falls
under the direct operation
of Sector Control.

I have no access to it.

And he'll want you
to move again
in a minute.

Yeah, well,
thanks anyway.

Did you do that?

Not bad,
if I do say so myself.

But you must go.
I don't know how long
the doors will hold it.

Thanks, Guy,
you're a real pal.


I think I like that.

Man, I put in
a lot of hours
around this place.

Until that hotshot
replaced me, that is.

Come on.

Worker bees
are still at it.

Some things never change.

There's my old office.

What'd they do,
fire the cleaning service?

Please press one
for mileage points.

Press two for a new menu
in time-share choices.


You're the guy
who replaced me.

I was replaced
by a computer!

It's okay, Arlo.
It happens to
a lot of people.

Arlo, you've come
back to us.

Shouldn't you be
in processing?

Just ignore that
overrated calculator.

We've got 15 minutes
to find Maggie.

Maggie Beckett?
Do you know Maggie Beckett?

Yeah, we're her friends.
Now where is she?

You're her friends?

I'm her friend, too.
At least I think I am.

Where is she?

At the moment
she's running for her life
down Corridor 135, Section 2.

135, Section 2.

135, Section 2.


Oh, Remmy, you guys!

Oh! We don't have
time to talk.

What the hell is that?

The long arm
of Data Universal.
MALLORY: Let's move it!

Get something
to block the door!

That won't be necessary.

Is that what
I think it is?

You can get anything
you want here
if you please press one.

You are something, girl.

All right, everybody,
stand back.


Hell of a party,

Too bad it's over
in five minutes.

I don't know
about you guys
but I'm partied out.

You know, I bet
it wouldn't take a lot to
crash their computer system.

It doesn't even seem
like they have

a fundamental lockout
or password protection

They didn't think
they would need it.

If you guys are suggesting
we take out their computer,

I don't think
that's such a good idea.

This is our friend Arlo.
He helped us to find you.

Hi, Arlo.

Arlo, I have
a new friend in here.

And I'm not sure
what would happen to him
if we crashed their system.

Besides, like it or not,
this place needs
Data Universal.

Without it
or at least some
training and knowhow,

I don't think
this world will survive.

I did.

Yeah, Arlo here
has been living outside
the system for years.

They're going to
need a good teacher.

Hell, I'm your guy.

James, this man here

is gonna teach you how
to survive on your own
without Data Universal.

Now you can be the example
you always wanted to be.

What do you think?

Well, I think
we can do this.

All right.

All right,
are we done fixing
these peoples' world?

It's not a fix.
You know, we can't solve
all their problems.

They're gonna
have to do that
on their own.

I can help too.

All right,
I think the three of you
would make an incredible team.

Does this mean
it's the dawning
of a new age

in customer service

REMBRANDT: Only if you
believe in miracles.

Ready, people?

Three, two...



Goodbye, friend.