Sliders (1995–2000): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Weaker Sex - full transcript
In a world where women dominate authority and traditional gender roles are reversed, Professor Arturo becomes the first male candidate for mayor. Although initially welcoming of the advances of a powerful woman, Rembrandt laments the manner in which he is tricked and used.
Could somebody get that hole
a bit nearer to the ground
sometime?
Well, wherever we are,
we're roughly 6 and 1/2
weeks to the next world.
I'm getting awfully tired
of the landing on my butt.
Can't you do
something about that?
You know I can't.
I think you ask just
to annoy me a little.
Actually, I ask
to annoy you a lot.
Little by little, I'm getting
even with you, Q-ball.
I'm telling you for dragging
me into this cosmic mess.
Well, maybe our
journey's at an end.
Take a look around.
If this is home,
then there should
be a news vendor called
Bernie's just at the entrance
to the park.
Wait a minute.
I recognize this place.
If we're home, they
should be selling the best
hot pretzels in the world.
Ah.
A sign, a very good sign.
They look every bit as good
as the pretzels in our world.
Fine.
Let's keep moving.
Maybe we can head downtown
and see if we're really home.
Uh.
Don't be too hasty, Mr. Mallory.
A taste test might be quite
appropriate at this juncture.
OK.
I got $0.31.
I've a five dollar
bill, but I am not
wasting it on a lousy pretzel.
What do you
mean wasting it?
I haven't eaten since yesterday.
None of us have.
And why should you
get to have a pretzel?
I'd like a pretzel
just as much as you.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
We'll divide it two ways.
Three ways.
Four ways.
Well, it
would help to have
a larger sample to be certain.
But I'm reasonably
sure that this pretzel
is identical to those at home.
Would you folks
mind holding it down?
You know, the president's
about to speak.
You mean, President Clinton?
Of course, I mean Clinton.
Who else?
That clinches it.
We're home.
You know, I feel
sorry for the prez.
Being married to
that loud mouth.
It's no wonder the Republicans
are taking control.
Ladies and
gentlemen, the President
of the United States.
My fellow Americans,
I speak to you tonight
from the White House.
The recent compromises of
my health care reform bill--
What if you could
find brand new worlds
right here on Earth,
where anything is possible?
The same planet,
different dimension.
I found the gateway.
According to the almanac,
the US Congress, the board
of directors of just about every
company on the Fortune 500,
all female.
And look who's the pope.
Hey, check out the "Sports
Monthly" swimsuit edition.
It's men in tiny speedos.
Well, evidently, we've
landed on a world where
women are in authority,
and men are relegated
to a second class status.
Gender discrimination is no
laughing matter, regardless
of who has the upper hand.
Listen to Professor Equal
Opportunity all of sudden.
Oh, come on you two.
We're tired, and we're cranky.
Besides, we have more
immediate concerns.
We've got 6 and 1/2
weeks in this world.
There's about $3.98
left in the kitty
after the professor's pretzel.
Unless we want to spend the
night sleeping in the park,
we're going to
have to get a job.
You
don't remember me,
but I remember you.
Twas not so long ago you
broke my heart in two.
Tears on my pillow.
Pain in my heart.
Sure, I understand.
Thanks anyway.
Any luck?
No dice.
The only jobs I'm
qualified for are
a nanny situation out in Napa
and a nude photographer's
model.
How's it going with Rembrandt?
Another $7.
I'll be glad when
you guys find work.
I've been singing
seven hours straight.
You're not supposed to abuse
your instrument like this.
Keep it up, Mr. Brown.
Huh.
Another couple of songs,
and we'll-- we'll be
able to afford a hotel room.
You don't sing?
Tears on my pillow.
Pain in my heart caused by you.
Ah.
Ah.
Oh.
What's that?
Cheese.
That is not cheese.
Bree is cheese.
Camembert is cheese.
This is yellow plastic.
I'll take it.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
How'd it go?
I got the job.
Yeah.
Ah.
Bananas.
Fresh fruit.
It's fantastic.
I'm overseeing the
computer installation
in the mayor's office.
It's so cool.
She's this incredibly
together woman.
I even got a cash advance.
Maybe now, we can move
to a bigger hotel room,
and I won't have to
sleep in the bathtub.
Ah.
Cheese.
Well, wait.
It gets better.
Lois Auchincloss is the mayor's
executive administrator.
There's an election
coming up, and they're
restaffing for the campaign.
I think I can get you guys jobs.
Room 511.
That would be--
Here we go.
Hold it.
Allow me, madam.
It would be my pleasure
to press your button.
Five.
Oh, you're going to
the fifth floor too.
There you are.
Chivalry is not dead.
How lucky for us.
Oh, a woman with a
dry sense of humor.
How delightful.
A man who presses buttons.
How interesting.
Well, there's
far more to me
than a sense of
gallantry, madam.
As you, yourself, could find out
over a fine candlelit dinner.
Now, that's very tempting.
But you know, I don't like
larger men, or men with beards,
or phony English accents.
Other than that, you
might have had a chance.
Morning, Miss Ross.
Morning.
Congratulations, professor.
You just hit on the mayor.
Ouch.
Mayor Ross's office.
Unbelievable.
We've been waiting
for nearly an hour.
Take it easy, professor.
They're probably in a meeting.
At the risk of
appearing sexist,
I would venture to say it
only goes to show that women
have difficulty with schedules.
No wonder this society's
in the mess it's in.
Bold leadership for
the 21st century.
With her scheduling,
she'll probably
be three years late for that.
What does she know
about leadership anyway?
Half the society's in chains.
It just goes to show,
gentlemen, when a woman
is intoxicated with power, she
can be every bit as misguided
as a man.
Mr. Mallory.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm Lois Auchincloss, Mayor
Ross's executive administrator.
Come this way please.
Attitude adjustment, professor.
Try and stay cool.
Go and get a job, boy.
Wish me luck.
Back at you.
Mayor
Ross's office.
Are you going to be looking
at that sport's page?
And read about women
basketball players.
I'd sooner watch paint dry.
Excuse me.
I couldn't help overhearing.
You seem to possess a
pretty radical outlook.
Oh, you don't know
the half of it.
Danny Eisenbach.
Your friend said you're
some kind of professor.
I'm Maximilian Arturo,
regents' professor
of cosmology and ontology at
the University of California.
Nice to meet you, professor.
If it's any consolation, I
had an interview scheduled
with the mayor two hours ago.
Not for the job
in the mailroom.
No.
No.
No.
I'm a journalist.
"Gentlemen's Quarterly."
It's a men's magazine.
Mostly fluff, but
once in a while,
we print something serious.
Listen.
Uh, if this thing with the
Ross campaign doesn't pan out,
let me know.
I have something that
might interest you.
That's a nice jacket.
Oh.
Thank you.
I understand you're
Wade's boyfriend.
Hm.
Wade's great.
She's going to have
a bright future here.
You're a lucky guy.
Thank you.
Have a seat.
So the job's fairly
straightforward.
We'll need you to open
the office around 8:30
and make coffee for everybody.
I thought I was here to run
your data processing system.
Oh.
Do you type?
Sure.
I mean that's part of it.
Yeah.
Well, a handsome man
with typing skills.
More than we bargained for.
In addition, we'll
need you to wear
nice clothing, taper jackets,
print ties, no bolo or string.
What you have on is
perfect for a receptionist.
Do you have any
questions for me?
Good.
Then, we'll see you
bright and early.
That's it?
I got the job.
What more do you want?
Congratulations.
Oh.
Quinn.
Tell Wade she's got great taste.
Hey, hold the elevator.
Thanks.
Thank you.
It's weird.
I got the impression
she was sizing me up
like a piece of meat.
But you got the job though.
Well, I guess.
I start tomorrow.
How'd you do?
Seems they have no use
for a middle-aged professor
of physics in the typing pool.
Professor.
Professor Arturo.
I'm glad I caught you.
Got a couple of minutes?
I'd like you to meet
a friend of mine.
What have we got to lose?
I'll see you two later.
Gentlemen, I am
the first to admit
that women are men's equals.
Frankly, we couldn't
do without them.
But to allow one gender
absolutely power over another
is to invite chaos.
Well,
to be frank,
that's kind of what we
want to talk to you about.
You see, some of us are
getting rather sick and tired
of the glass ceiling, professor.
If you're born a male,
well, you can only
go so far unless
you're a domestic
or you want to teach
in a nursery school.
In business, in military,
we all know the score.
Or politics.
Now, we believe that a man
is just as capable of holding
an elected office as a woman.
That's the whole reason
this movement started.
Now, we've got a month and a
half until the next election.
We have been turning
over every stone,
looking for the right candidate.
And now, we've found him.
Me?
You.
With God's help, a little
luck, Maximilian Arturo
will be the next mayor
of San Francisco.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Must have been quite a dinner.
Oh, it was, Mr. Mallory.
A veritable feast.
Champagne.
Caviar.
Veal cordon bleu.
And crepe suzettes.
OK.
But come on.
Just because they buttered
you up and bought you dinner.
You can't be serious.
I'm extremely serious.
Well, what about what
you're always preaching?
No involvement with the locals.
My thinking on that
matter is subject to a process
of evolution.
He sounds like a
politician already.
The men of this
world are laboring
under a political system
that is every bit as onerous
as that of Communist China.
Now if I can advance
the cause of equality
or even raise public
awareness of the issue,
then I shall consider
my time here well spent.
He's flipped.
On the contrary, Miss Welles,
I have never been more sane.
Aren't you forgetting something
kind of important, professor?
What about the slide?
And what of it?
The day of the
election coincides
with the day of our departure.
Now, I haven't a chance
of winning this election.
But if I-- if I could make a
reasonable showing, let others
pick up the standard so that
future generations may benefit.
There's no talking you
out of this, is there?
No, Mr. Mallory.
There is not.
They ask me how
I knew my true love was true.
Oh.
I just simply reply
something here inside--
You're beautiful.
--cannot be denied.
You beep at me?
Mhm.
You're good.
Well, thanks.
No.
I mean you're really good.
What are you doing
singing for small change?
Well, my friends and
I just got into town
and ran a little short of cash.
So uh, I thought I'd take
advantage of my gift.
Gift.
That's a good word for it.
I'm Serena Braxton.
Rembrandt Brown.
Well, Rembrandt, I'm kind of
in the music business myself.
I could introduce you
to some record producer
friends of mine.
They're always looking
for new talent.
No.
Really?
I mean-- I mean
you'd do that for me?
Why don't we discuss
it over lunch?
Hop in.
Man.
Oh.
Hey, I'm all yours.
Not yet, honey.
But you will be.
Maximilian Arturo,
standing for mayor.
Madam, I hope I get your vote.
Maximilian Arturo,
standing for mayor, sir.
I trust I can get your vote.
Election day is coming up, and
we're going to need your vote.
Maximilian Arturo,
standing for mayor, madam.
Ridiculous.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
Ignorant bovine.
Hostility is not going to win
us a lot of votes, Mr. Arturo.
Well, what do you suggest?
Put a sticker on her bumper?
You know how it works.
You have to schmooze them.
Kiss a few babies.
Like right over there.
You want me to kiss that baby?
You got to get votes.
Sir, I need to kiss your baby.
No.
Sir.
Wait a minute, man.
Oh, come on.
Stop being so--
Mr. Arturo.
Mr. Arturo.
Come here, sir.
Come here.
And finally, tonight,
under the heading of
believe it or not,
Carol Johnson with the story
of the man who would be mayor.
Maximilian Arturo
came to market to
sell himself today.
But no one seemed to be buying.
San Francisco is known for
the unusual from hippies
to earthquakes to trolley
cars, but nothing has so
captured the public's fancy
as the curiosity of a man
who dares to buck the system.
They laughed at Ross Perot.
They still do.
Of course, they're laughing.
Look at the history
of this place.
Hundreds of years ago,
women got sick and tired
of watching men go off to
war and kill each other.
So they took over.
There's no war anymore,
no violent crime.
That's beside the point.
Then, what is the point?
Face it, professor.
We're all tiptoeing around this
great big ego trip of yours,
but the fact is things
are not so bad here.
You are just upset, because you
feel devalued and overlooked
because of your sex.
Something that I have
felt most of my life.
No society is
perfect, but maybe we
ought to stop and
think for a change
before we go trying to
upset the whole apple cart.
Have you finished, woman?
The truth of the
matter is, Miss Welles,
you are in an unaccustomed
position of influence
and you don't wish
to see it threatened.
He's impossible.
Maybe you can talk
some sense into him.
After all, I am only a woman.
Yes.
Wow.
I'm not sure I deserve this.
I mean, first, you buy me lunch.
Then, you cook me
this fabulous dinner.
Cook?
Honey, what woman cooks?
I used a caterer?
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, it's good.
Sweetheart.
Where have you been all my life?
Oh, well, that could
take some explaining.
Mhm.
Come on.
Woo.
I want to know
everything about you.
It's not every day a woman
meets the man of her dreams.
Most guys are such golddiggers.
All they care about is
how much money you make,
what kind of car you drive.
Not you though.
Well, so um, what about
these record producers?
All in time.
All in due time.
I'm going to do something
for you-- mmm hmm.
But first, you're going
to do something for me.
Mayor Ross makes
great play of the fact
that by removing men from
positions of power in society,
aggression is limited.
Now, please my friends,
please, let us join together
and build a society
of true equals.
Gender--
I want you there, folks.
I want you there to vote for me.
We're going to affect
changes in this society.
We are going to build a
dynamic society together.
It's no longer going to be
Mayor Ross and her cronies.
We're going to have
some men in there.
Professor, good news.
Mayor Ross is agreeing
to the debate.
Ha.
Let me see that.
It just came in.
Head to head, single moderator,
League of Men Voters,
just the way we asked for.
I don't get it.
We have 7% of the vote.
What's she frightened of?
Why do you think?
Look at these headlines, we're
getting all this media play.
This campaign has triggered
an enormous fault line
in the American electorate.
You've hit a nerve no one
knew existed, except for us.
Oh no!
Everybody all right.
We're all right.
It was only a brick.
You all right, professor.
Oh yes.
As Ronald Reagan
said, I'd rather
have been in Philadelphia.
Who's Ronald Reagan?
Hello.
Hold on.
It's for you.
Arturo.
Next
time, it's a bomb.
You won't be warned again.
Serena, baby.
Yes.
This earth traveling
is all right.
Yeah.
Mm.
Look it here.
Look it here.
Ah, they fit too.
What we got?
Oh yeah.
I'm coming down for that coffee.
Oh girl, you know
how to treat a man.
Goodness knows the
girl's got style.
Oh, phone.
Where are you?
Hello.
Rembrandt?
How's it going?
Man, I got something
to tell you.
You wouldn't believe last night.
At least, somebody's
having fun.
Listen.
Did you see the papers today?
There was
a bomb threat last night
at Arturo's headquarters.
Bomb threat?
I can't talk long, but
you got to back me up.
This whole thing's
gone way too far.
What are we supposed to do.
Ask him to back out of it?
Now, that he's seen the
firestorm it's causing,
maybe that won't be so tough.
Not discounting his ego
though, the publicity's
giving the campaign a boost.
Hold on a second.
Rembrandt.
I'll call you back later.
OK.
Man, I can't wait to
slide out of here.
-- last weekend,
and she didn't even call me.
Are you going to call her?
And give her the satisfaction.
I'm not going to play
those kind of mind games.
Coffee.
No thanks.
I don't drink coffee.
Very funny.
She's asking you to brew some.
You need some help?
It's OK.
I got it.
So did you hear?
Maximilian Arturo is up to 20%.
Pathetic.
Why is it pathetic?
Come on.
A man in political office.
Next, you'll be telling me
men should fly airplanes.
Who says they can't?
Men have too much testosterone.
Look at women.
They only cycle once a month.
Men cycle every 20 minutes.
As many mood swings as I
go through in an afternoon,
I wouldn't want to be
in charge of anything.
Boys, boys, boys.
We are trying to run a
political campaign here.
Every call is a potential vote.
Come on.
Quinn, come with me.
Come on in, Quinn.
What's going on?
We'd just like you to
have a look at something.
We would like your opinion.
Go ahead and put it up.
Just
who is Maximilian Arturo?
And what do we really
know about him?
He claims to be a
university professor,
but when asked to provide
an employment history,
he stonewalled.
He says he wants to share power
with women in his campaign.
Have we forgotten the
lessons of history,
bombastic ego,
unprincipled aggression,
loud, obnoxious behavior?
Max Arturo wants us to trust
him with our children's future.
Can we take that chance?
Re-elect Anita Ross, because the
alternative is no novelty act,
it's dangerous.
Paid for by the Committee to
Re-Elect Anita Ross for Mayor.
What do you think?
Well, want do you
want me to say?
Well, you're a man.
Does it speak to you?
Wade.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Excuse us.
Good morning.
Ross for Mayor.
What the hell is going on?
I had nothing to do with that.
Arturo is our friend.
Right or wrong.
That stuff about his lack
of academic credentials
could only have come from you.
What are you talking about?
It was on the front page
of "The New York Times."
This is out of control.
Hey, don't blame me.
OK.
I am not the one
running for mayor.
I got to go talk to Arturo.
Well, what am I supposed
to say to Mayor Ross?
Tell her anything you want.
You know what.
Tell her I quit.
Great.
A man, a dream,
a vision, Professor Maximilian
Arturo, a new kind of leader.
A sensitivity to the
needs of all people
regardless of gender,
political affiliation, or race.
I am running,
because I really care.
I favor the good things in life.
I oppose the bad things in life.
A vote for Arturo
means you care too.
Together, we can
make a difference.
Paid for by The Arturo--
I don't believe that
anyone has ever captured
my essence so beautifully.
That moment when I changed
that disgusting little brat's
diaper, classic.
Nice.
You oppose the bad things
and support the good things.
Really going out
on a limb, I see.
He's addressed the
core campaign issues.
Now, it's time to let people
get to know the man within.
Are you here on your
own behalf, Mr. Mallory?
Or were you sent as
a spy by that woman?
I quit her campaign, professor.
I came here to see if maybe I
can't talk some sense into you.
Hm.
Well, you're most welcome.
I'm sure you will have a
considerable contribution
to make from your
political credit.
How can I put it?
I feel exhilarated.
I feel like Martin
Luther King must have
felt on the march in Selma.
You can't be serious about
continuing the campaign.
You made your
point, but come on.
We have 23% of the electorate.
Tracking says we can only go up.
Look.
There are young
boys, young men who--
who can never dream of heading
a company or being an astronaut,
or even playing Major
League Baseball.
How can I let them down?
If you win this election,
you're going to stay here,
aren't you?
Hey, baby.
You're home a little
early, aren't you?
Who are you?
I could ask that same question.
Ed Dunleavy,
Sabrina's boyfriend.
And what are you
doing in my rob?
Boyfriend?
What do you mean boyfriend?
She didn't say anything
about a boyfriend.
Yeah.
Well, we broke up.
But I know she still loves me.
OK, pal.
Where'd she meet you, huh?
Don't tell me.
Night club.
It was kind of like that.
Yeah.
I'm kinda surprised.
Because you're a heck of a lot
older than her usual pick-ups.
If I'm a pick-up, how
come I'm cooking dinner,
and you're the one
dropping by for a visit?
OK.
OK.
I deserve that.
-Look.
I'm a musician.
She's a record promoter.
OK.
It's not like we're getting
engaged or anything.
Oh.
Oh.
She's a record promoter.
She's not a record promoter?
Are you all right?
I'm sorry.
My therapist says I'm still
working through my relationship
with mom.
I try to recreate my sense
of isolation as a child
so I can get myself addicted
to these abusive, degrading
relationships.
Look.
I don't mean to dump
all this on you.
Hey, it's OK.
Don't you let her break
your heart, boyfriend.
Because she'll steal your
soul and never give it back.
Damn.
I need a drink.
A star is born.
So much self-confidence,
faith in himself.
Where does it all come from?
It's kind of a long story.
He's unlike any
man I've ever met.
There's no stopping him.
He doesn't know a damn
thing about running a city.
Just let him get elected.
We'll take care of the rest.
Here he comes.
That's him.
Here he comes.
Arturo!
Looking good.
He's got a gun!
Get Arturo in the car.
It was a man.
Well, of course, it was a man.
When did you ever hear
of female assassin?
Wade, come on.
There's always
going to be counter
revolutionaries threatened by
any change in the status quo.
They think if men regain
control, wars will resume,
children will be killed.
You really can't blame them for
reacting like this, professor.
It's not our world.
You imposed your
value system on people
who just aren't ready for it.
Well, maybe you're right.
The question is
what do I do now.
It's obvious.
You withdraw from the race.
I can't withdraw from the race.
Not after the consciousness
that I've raised.
I mean think of the
example it would send.
It would be generations
before another man
would dare raise his head.
Well, you better think of
something fast, professor.
We slide on election night.
And the big debate's tomorrow.
I am a serious
musician, you dig.
I've got gold records
at home on my wall.
If only I could
show them to you.
Rembrandt, you don't have
to prove anything to me.
I don't?
Don't you know
how special you are?
I knew it the moment I
set eyes on you, looking
so fine on that street corner.
I don't like the
idea of being just
another notch in your
belt. Guys with passkeys,
silk undies in the closet.
Whoa.
Back up.
I'm a free agent.
I thought we were
fine on all that.
We are.
It's just--
Then,
what's the problem?
I'm not really sure.
And when I get
home tonight, we'll
just put this whole unpleasant
conversation behind us.
Wait a minute.
Home tonight?
Where are you going?
I told you.
I have a business dinner.
I made beef stroganoff.
I slaved for hours.
And I thought afterwards we
would go to the Blue Note.
They have open mic night.
Well, now, what do
you expect me to do?
Change my plans?
If you loved me
so all-fired much,
you could spend a
little time at home.
You don't take my singing
seriously, do you?
Don't get your
boxers in a bunch.
If you want to
sing, jump right in.
You've got my
undivided attention.
No dammit.
You're taking me
for granted, Serena.
I mean what about my needs?
Needs?
That's all I ever hear
about are your needs.
It's getting to
be a drag, Remmie.
It's over, kiddo.
This just isn't
working for me anymore.
I don't understand.
Hi, it's Serena.
Do you have any messages for me?
Don't let her get your goat.
She wants the voters to see
your male aggressive side.
OK.
OK.
Give 'em hell, man.
You knew I had to come
by and give the professor
a little moral support.
What happened to
your fine friend?
Uh.
Soon as they start
to tie you down,
I hear the sound of
that lonesome highway
calling my name.
And I know it's time to move on.
A man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.
Amen.
Oh yeah.
I'm going to go
check the podium.
Don't want you to look
too tall out there.
Professor, you're
all set with what
you're going to say, right?
Will you stop
checking up on me?
I find it impossible to think.
The professor's
throwing the election.
What?
Oh, Mr. Mallory has
impressed on me certain
uncomfortable realities.
The truth of the matter
is I cannot simply
withdraw from this election.
It will destroy all those
who pinned their hopes on me.
It'll make it impossible
for another man
to stand for office.
So I've decided
to pull a Muskie.
You're going fishing?
I refer to Senator
Edmund Muskie, a leading
candidate in the 1972 election.
He made the mistake of weeping
in the course of a particularly
difficult question.
As a result, his candidacy was
instantly destroyed, because he
was perceived as a weakling.
They're ready for
you on stage, Mr. A.
I'm five points behind.
One day to go.
I have to give a performance
in there that will
convince them not to elect me.
Let's do it.
Yeah.
Arturo.
Look.
I have the greatest respect
in the world for men.
My husband is a man.
I have two sons,
whom I love dearly.
I employ more males in my
administration than any mayor's
office since the Great
National Plebiscite gave women
control in the first place.
As long as they work
in the mail room.
-Excuse me.
-Nothing.
Please continue.
Keep your cool, professor.
I simply don't
believe that men are cut out
for leadership or the kind
of cooperative brainstorming
that running a
large city entails.
That's why I need
your vote tomorrow.
Remember.
It is not about gender.
It is about the future.
All right.
Come on, professor.
You can do it.
I was going to address the
problems of a society that
calls itself a democracy
and yet disregards
half of its population.
But I just want you to know
that what Mayor Ross just
said really hurt my feelings.
I'm sorry.
I-- I don't know whether
it's-- it's just the stress
of the campaign or
the expectations
that people have of me, but
right now, I'm a nervous wreck.
What the hell's he doing?
The attack ads.
The endless articles
attacking my character
and my credibility.
I hope you're satisfied.
You have hurt me more
than words can say.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I-- I can't go on.
What?
Goodbye.
Well, that was
quite a performance.
Well, I guess I
learned to cry over
nothing just by watching you.
Thank you, man.
That means a lot.
Here comes the brain trust,
and they don't look too happy.
It's OK.
Insta-poll results.
You've alienated some of
your core constituency.
No doubt about it.
Oh my.
I'm truly apologetic for
that shameful display.
Sorry?
Every talking head out
there is saying how you
mopped the floor up with her.
You should have
heard Cokie Roberts.
You're a political
genius, professor.
Give me that.
The sympathy factor.
You were sensitive and
human, open and honest.
We've got the
momentum, professor.
I really think we're
going to win this thing.
In the early returns,
Mayor Ross is leading
Maximilian Arturo--
The network's still saying
it's too close to call.
All right.
Thank you.
Two minutes, professor.
You gotta make a decision soon.
I know.
I know.
I got some goodies
for the slide.
Cutting it kind of close.
Don't worry.
I wouldn't have missed
this for the world.
What's he going to do?
He doesn't know yet.
I just came from
Ross headquarters.
They've got her 3 points ahead.
She was 100 points ahead.
You don't still think
that you can win, do you?
I have never doubted it.
Do you want to bet?
Name your stakes.
If you
win, I'll give you
a neck rub that'll put hair
back on that pointy little head
of yours.
And if I lose?
If we don't make it
home, then you're my slave
for the whole next slide.
Well, that's hardly fair.
Well, just how
confident are you?
One minute, professor.
You got to make up your mind.
In a recent update,
CNN has now declared incumbent
Mayor Ross as the winner.
Based on the exit polls,
CNN just called it for Ross.
Ha.
See.
I'm sorry, Mr. A. At least,
we gave it the good fight.
Huh.
Everybody.
When we started this campaign,
we didn't expect to win.
We just wanted to
make a good showing.
Today, we have come that close.
We lost the battle.
You will win the war.
Thank you so much.
And God bless you.
I'll go write a dignified
concession speech for you.
10 seconds, professor.
What are you going to do?
Let's go.
Thank God.
Come on, professor.
We haven't got all day.
Rembrandt, you coming?
After you, Wade.
Hey.
Whoa.
My luck it'll land on edge.
Wait a minute.
CNN's wrong.
They've declared you the winner.
BBC and NBC say CNN's all wrong.
They've just declared
you the winner.
Professor?
Water's great, Q-Ball.
Boy.
Boy, I need a refill please.
Thank you.
How long till we next slide?
Nine days.
Five hours.
And 32 minutes.
Tell me the truth.
Did you vote for him?
Me either.
a bit nearer to the ground
sometime?
Well, wherever we are,
we're roughly 6 and 1/2
weeks to the next world.
I'm getting awfully tired
of the landing on my butt.
Can't you do
something about that?
You know I can't.
I think you ask just
to annoy me a little.
Actually, I ask
to annoy you a lot.
Little by little, I'm getting
even with you, Q-ball.
I'm telling you for dragging
me into this cosmic mess.
Well, maybe our
journey's at an end.
Take a look around.
If this is home,
then there should
be a news vendor called
Bernie's just at the entrance
to the park.
Wait a minute.
I recognize this place.
If we're home, they
should be selling the best
hot pretzels in the world.
Ah.
A sign, a very good sign.
They look every bit as good
as the pretzels in our world.
Fine.
Let's keep moving.
Maybe we can head downtown
and see if we're really home.
Uh.
Don't be too hasty, Mr. Mallory.
A taste test might be quite
appropriate at this juncture.
OK.
I got $0.31.
I've a five dollar
bill, but I am not
wasting it on a lousy pretzel.
What do you
mean wasting it?
I haven't eaten since yesterday.
None of us have.
And why should you
get to have a pretzel?
I'd like a pretzel
just as much as you.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
We'll divide it two ways.
Three ways.
Four ways.
Well, it
would help to have
a larger sample to be certain.
But I'm reasonably
sure that this pretzel
is identical to those at home.
Would you folks
mind holding it down?
You know, the president's
about to speak.
You mean, President Clinton?
Of course, I mean Clinton.
Who else?
That clinches it.
We're home.
You know, I feel
sorry for the prez.
Being married to
that loud mouth.
It's no wonder the Republicans
are taking control.
Ladies and
gentlemen, the President
of the United States.
My fellow Americans,
I speak to you tonight
from the White House.
The recent compromises of
my health care reform bill--
What if you could
find brand new worlds
right here on Earth,
where anything is possible?
The same planet,
different dimension.
I found the gateway.
According to the almanac,
the US Congress, the board
of directors of just about every
company on the Fortune 500,
all female.
And look who's the pope.
Hey, check out the "Sports
Monthly" swimsuit edition.
It's men in tiny speedos.
Well, evidently, we've
landed on a world where
women are in authority,
and men are relegated
to a second class status.
Gender discrimination is no
laughing matter, regardless
of who has the upper hand.
Listen to Professor Equal
Opportunity all of sudden.
Oh, come on you two.
We're tired, and we're cranky.
Besides, we have more
immediate concerns.
We've got 6 and 1/2
weeks in this world.
There's about $3.98
left in the kitty
after the professor's pretzel.
Unless we want to spend the
night sleeping in the park,
we're going to
have to get a job.
You
don't remember me,
but I remember you.
Twas not so long ago you
broke my heart in two.
Tears on my pillow.
Pain in my heart.
Sure, I understand.
Thanks anyway.
Any luck?
No dice.
The only jobs I'm
qualified for are
a nanny situation out in Napa
and a nude photographer's
model.
How's it going with Rembrandt?
Another $7.
I'll be glad when
you guys find work.
I've been singing
seven hours straight.
You're not supposed to abuse
your instrument like this.
Keep it up, Mr. Brown.
Huh.
Another couple of songs,
and we'll-- we'll be
able to afford a hotel room.
You don't sing?
Tears on my pillow.
Pain in my heart caused by you.
Ah.
Ah.
Oh.
What's that?
Cheese.
That is not cheese.
Bree is cheese.
Camembert is cheese.
This is yellow plastic.
I'll take it.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
How'd it go?
I got the job.
Yeah.
Ah.
Bananas.
Fresh fruit.
It's fantastic.
I'm overseeing the
computer installation
in the mayor's office.
It's so cool.
She's this incredibly
together woman.
I even got a cash advance.
Maybe now, we can move
to a bigger hotel room,
and I won't have to
sleep in the bathtub.
Ah.
Cheese.
Well, wait.
It gets better.
Lois Auchincloss is the mayor's
executive administrator.
There's an election
coming up, and they're
restaffing for the campaign.
I think I can get you guys jobs.
Room 511.
That would be--
Here we go.
Hold it.
Allow me, madam.
It would be my pleasure
to press your button.
Five.
Oh, you're going to
the fifth floor too.
There you are.
Chivalry is not dead.
How lucky for us.
Oh, a woman with a
dry sense of humor.
How delightful.
A man who presses buttons.
How interesting.
Well, there's
far more to me
than a sense of
gallantry, madam.
As you, yourself, could find out
over a fine candlelit dinner.
Now, that's very tempting.
But you know, I don't like
larger men, or men with beards,
or phony English accents.
Other than that, you
might have had a chance.
Morning, Miss Ross.
Morning.
Congratulations, professor.
You just hit on the mayor.
Ouch.
Mayor Ross's office.
Unbelievable.
We've been waiting
for nearly an hour.
Take it easy, professor.
They're probably in a meeting.
At the risk of
appearing sexist,
I would venture to say it
only goes to show that women
have difficulty with schedules.
No wonder this society's
in the mess it's in.
Bold leadership for
the 21st century.
With her scheduling,
she'll probably
be three years late for that.
What does she know
about leadership anyway?
Half the society's in chains.
It just goes to show,
gentlemen, when a woman
is intoxicated with power, she
can be every bit as misguided
as a man.
Mr. Mallory.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm Lois Auchincloss, Mayor
Ross's executive administrator.
Come this way please.
Attitude adjustment, professor.
Try and stay cool.
Go and get a job, boy.
Wish me luck.
Back at you.
Mayor
Ross's office.
Are you going to be looking
at that sport's page?
And read about women
basketball players.
I'd sooner watch paint dry.
Excuse me.
I couldn't help overhearing.
You seem to possess a
pretty radical outlook.
Oh, you don't know
the half of it.
Danny Eisenbach.
Your friend said you're
some kind of professor.
I'm Maximilian Arturo,
regents' professor
of cosmology and ontology at
the University of California.
Nice to meet you, professor.
If it's any consolation, I
had an interview scheduled
with the mayor two hours ago.
Not for the job
in the mailroom.
No.
No.
No.
I'm a journalist.
"Gentlemen's Quarterly."
It's a men's magazine.
Mostly fluff, but
once in a while,
we print something serious.
Listen.
Uh, if this thing with the
Ross campaign doesn't pan out,
let me know.
I have something that
might interest you.
That's a nice jacket.
Oh.
Thank you.
I understand you're
Wade's boyfriend.
Hm.
Wade's great.
She's going to have
a bright future here.
You're a lucky guy.
Thank you.
Have a seat.
So the job's fairly
straightforward.
We'll need you to open
the office around 8:30
and make coffee for everybody.
I thought I was here to run
your data processing system.
Oh.
Do you type?
Sure.
I mean that's part of it.
Yeah.
Well, a handsome man
with typing skills.
More than we bargained for.
In addition, we'll
need you to wear
nice clothing, taper jackets,
print ties, no bolo or string.
What you have on is
perfect for a receptionist.
Do you have any
questions for me?
Good.
Then, we'll see you
bright and early.
That's it?
I got the job.
What more do you want?
Congratulations.
Oh.
Quinn.
Tell Wade she's got great taste.
Hey, hold the elevator.
Thanks.
Thank you.
It's weird.
I got the impression
she was sizing me up
like a piece of meat.
But you got the job though.
Well, I guess.
I start tomorrow.
How'd you do?
Seems they have no use
for a middle-aged professor
of physics in the typing pool.
Professor.
Professor Arturo.
I'm glad I caught you.
Got a couple of minutes?
I'd like you to meet
a friend of mine.
What have we got to lose?
I'll see you two later.
Gentlemen, I am
the first to admit
that women are men's equals.
Frankly, we couldn't
do without them.
But to allow one gender
absolutely power over another
is to invite chaos.
Well,
to be frank,
that's kind of what we
want to talk to you about.
You see, some of us are
getting rather sick and tired
of the glass ceiling, professor.
If you're born a male,
well, you can only
go so far unless
you're a domestic
or you want to teach
in a nursery school.
In business, in military,
we all know the score.
Or politics.
Now, we believe that a man
is just as capable of holding
an elected office as a woman.
That's the whole reason
this movement started.
Now, we've got a month and a
half until the next election.
We have been turning
over every stone,
looking for the right candidate.
And now, we've found him.
Me?
You.
With God's help, a little
luck, Maximilian Arturo
will be the next mayor
of San Francisco.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Must have been quite a dinner.
Oh, it was, Mr. Mallory.
A veritable feast.
Champagne.
Caviar.
Veal cordon bleu.
And crepe suzettes.
OK.
But come on.
Just because they buttered
you up and bought you dinner.
You can't be serious.
I'm extremely serious.
Well, what about what
you're always preaching?
No involvement with the locals.
My thinking on that
matter is subject to a process
of evolution.
He sounds like a
politician already.
The men of this
world are laboring
under a political system
that is every bit as onerous
as that of Communist China.
Now if I can advance
the cause of equality
or even raise public
awareness of the issue,
then I shall consider
my time here well spent.
He's flipped.
On the contrary, Miss Welles,
I have never been more sane.
Aren't you forgetting something
kind of important, professor?
What about the slide?
And what of it?
The day of the
election coincides
with the day of our departure.
Now, I haven't a chance
of winning this election.
But if I-- if I could make a
reasonable showing, let others
pick up the standard so that
future generations may benefit.
There's no talking you
out of this, is there?
No, Mr. Mallory.
There is not.
They ask me how
I knew my true love was true.
Oh.
I just simply reply
something here inside--
You're beautiful.
--cannot be denied.
You beep at me?
Mhm.
You're good.
Well, thanks.
No.
I mean you're really good.
What are you doing
singing for small change?
Well, my friends and
I just got into town
and ran a little short of cash.
So uh, I thought I'd take
advantage of my gift.
Gift.
That's a good word for it.
I'm Serena Braxton.
Rembrandt Brown.
Well, Rembrandt, I'm kind of
in the music business myself.
I could introduce you
to some record producer
friends of mine.
They're always looking
for new talent.
No.
Really?
I mean-- I mean
you'd do that for me?
Why don't we discuss
it over lunch?
Hop in.
Man.
Oh.
Hey, I'm all yours.
Not yet, honey.
But you will be.
Maximilian Arturo,
standing for mayor.
Madam, I hope I get your vote.
Maximilian Arturo,
standing for mayor, sir.
I trust I can get your vote.
Election day is coming up, and
we're going to need your vote.
Maximilian Arturo,
standing for mayor, madam.
Ridiculous.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
Ignorant bovine.
Hostility is not going to win
us a lot of votes, Mr. Arturo.
Well, what do you suggest?
Put a sticker on her bumper?
You know how it works.
You have to schmooze them.
Kiss a few babies.
Like right over there.
You want me to kiss that baby?
You got to get votes.
Sir, I need to kiss your baby.
No.
Sir.
Wait a minute, man.
Oh, come on.
Stop being so--
Mr. Arturo.
Mr. Arturo.
Come here, sir.
Come here.
And finally, tonight,
under the heading of
believe it or not,
Carol Johnson with the story
of the man who would be mayor.
Maximilian Arturo
came to market to
sell himself today.
But no one seemed to be buying.
San Francisco is known for
the unusual from hippies
to earthquakes to trolley
cars, but nothing has so
captured the public's fancy
as the curiosity of a man
who dares to buck the system.
They laughed at Ross Perot.
They still do.
Of course, they're laughing.
Look at the history
of this place.
Hundreds of years ago,
women got sick and tired
of watching men go off to
war and kill each other.
So they took over.
There's no war anymore,
no violent crime.
That's beside the point.
Then, what is the point?
Face it, professor.
We're all tiptoeing around this
great big ego trip of yours,
but the fact is things
are not so bad here.
You are just upset, because you
feel devalued and overlooked
because of your sex.
Something that I have
felt most of my life.
No society is
perfect, but maybe we
ought to stop and
think for a change
before we go trying to
upset the whole apple cart.
Have you finished, woman?
The truth of the
matter is, Miss Welles,
you are in an unaccustomed
position of influence
and you don't wish
to see it threatened.
He's impossible.
Maybe you can talk
some sense into him.
After all, I am only a woman.
Yes.
Wow.
I'm not sure I deserve this.
I mean, first, you buy me lunch.
Then, you cook me
this fabulous dinner.
Cook?
Honey, what woman cooks?
I used a caterer?
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, it's good.
Sweetheart.
Where have you been all my life?
Oh, well, that could
take some explaining.
Mhm.
Come on.
Woo.
I want to know
everything about you.
It's not every day a woman
meets the man of her dreams.
Most guys are such golddiggers.
All they care about is
how much money you make,
what kind of car you drive.
Not you though.
Well, so um, what about
these record producers?
All in time.
All in due time.
I'm going to do something
for you-- mmm hmm.
But first, you're going
to do something for me.
Mayor Ross makes
great play of the fact
that by removing men from
positions of power in society,
aggression is limited.
Now, please my friends,
please, let us join together
and build a society
of true equals.
Gender--
I want you there, folks.
I want you there to vote for me.
We're going to affect
changes in this society.
We are going to build a
dynamic society together.
It's no longer going to be
Mayor Ross and her cronies.
We're going to have
some men in there.
Professor, good news.
Mayor Ross is agreeing
to the debate.
Ha.
Let me see that.
It just came in.
Head to head, single moderator,
League of Men Voters,
just the way we asked for.
I don't get it.
We have 7% of the vote.
What's she frightened of?
Why do you think?
Look at these headlines, we're
getting all this media play.
This campaign has triggered
an enormous fault line
in the American electorate.
You've hit a nerve no one
knew existed, except for us.
Oh no!
Everybody all right.
We're all right.
It was only a brick.
You all right, professor.
Oh yes.
As Ronald Reagan
said, I'd rather
have been in Philadelphia.
Who's Ronald Reagan?
Hello.
Hold on.
It's for you.
Arturo.
Next
time, it's a bomb.
You won't be warned again.
Serena, baby.
Yes.
This earth traveling
is all right.
Yeah.
Mm.
Look it here.
Look it here.
Ah, they fit too.
What we got?
Oh yeah.
I'm coming down for that coffee.
Oh girl, you know
how to treat a man.
Goodness knows the
girl's got style.
Oh, phone.
Where are you?
Hello.
Rembrandt?
How's it going?
Man, I got something
to tell you.
You wouldn't believe last night.
At least, somebody's
having fun.
Listen.
Did you see the papers today?
There was
a bomb threat last night
at Arturo's headquarters.
Bomb threat?
I can't talk long, but
you got to back me up.
This whole thing's
gone way too far.
What are we supposed to do.
Ask him to back out of it?
Now, that he's seen the
firestorm it's causing,
maybe that won't be so tough.
Not discounting his ego
though, the publicity's
giving the campaign a boost.
Hold on a second.
Rembrandt.
I'll call you back later.
OK.
Man, I can't wait to
slide out of here.
-- last weekend,
and she didn't even call me.
Are you going to call her?
And give her the satisfaction.
I'm not going to play
those kind of mind games.
Coffee.
No thanks.
I don't drink coffee.
Very funny.
She's asking you to brew some.
You need some help?
It's OK.
I got it.
So did you hear?
Maximilian Arturo is up to 20%.
Pathetic.
Why is it pathetic?
Come on.
A man in political office.
Next, you'll be telling me
men should fly airplanes.
Who says they can't?
Men have too much testosterone.
Look at women.
They only cycle once a month.
Men cycle every 20 minutes.
As many mood swings as I
go through in an afternoon,
I wouldn't want to be
in charge of anything.
Boys, boys, boys.
We are trying to run a
political campaign here.
Every call is a potential vote.
Come on.
Quinn, come with me.
Come on in, Quinn.
What's going on?
We'd just like you to
have a look at something.
We would like your opinion.
Go ahead and put it up.
Just
who is Maximilian Arturo?
And what do we really
know about him?
He claims to be a
university professor,
but when asked to provide
an employment history,
he stonewalled.
He says he wants to share power
with women in his campaign.
Have we forgotten the
lessons of history,
bombastic ego,
unprincipled aggression,
loud, obnoxious behavior?
Max Arturo wants us to trust
him with our children's future.
Can we take that chance?
Re-elect Anita Ross, because the
alternative is no novelty act,
it's dangerous.
Paid for by the Committee to
Re-Elect Anita Ross for Mayor.
What do you think?
Well, want do you
want me to say?
Well, you're a man.
Does it speak to you?
Wade.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Excuse us.
Good morning.
Ross for Mayor.
What the hell is going on?
I had nothing to do with that.
Arturo is our friend.
Right or wrong.
That stuff about his lack
of academic credentials
could only have come from you.
What are you talking about?
It was on the front page
of "The New York Times."
This is out of control.
Hey, don't blame me.
OK.
I am not the one
running for mayor.
I got to go talk to Arturo.
Well, what am I supposed
to say to Mayor Ross?
Tell her anything you want.
You know what.
Tell her I quit.
Great.
A man, a dream,
a vision, Professor Maximilian
Arturo, a new kind of leader.
A sensitivity to the
needs of all people
regardless of gender,
political affiliation, or race.
I am running,
because I really care.
I favor the good things in life.
I oppose the bad things in life.
A vote for Arturo
means you care too.
Together, we can
make a difference.
Paid for by The Arturo--
I don't believe that
anyone has ever captured
my essence so beautifully.
That moment when I changed
that disgusting little brat's
diaper, classic.
Nice.
You oppose the bad things
and support the good things.
Really going out
on a limb, I see.
He's addressed the
core campaign issues.
Now, it's time to let people
get to know the man within.
Are you here on your
own behalf, Mr. Mallory?
Or were you sent as
a spy by that woman?
I quit her campaign, professor.
I came here to see if maybe I
can't talk some sense into you.
Hm.
Well, you're most welcome.
I'm sure you will have a
considerable contribution
to make from your
political credit.
How can I put it?
I feel exhilarated.
I feel like Martin
Luther King must have
felt on the march in Selma.
You can't be serious about
continuing the campaign.
You made your
point, but come on.
We have 23% of the electorate.
Tracking says we can only go up.
Look.
There are young
boys, young men who--
who can never dream of heading
a company or being an astronaut,
or even playing Major
League Baseball.
How can I let them down?
If you win this election,
you're going to stay here,
aren't you?
Hey, baby.
You're home a little
early, aren't you?
Who are you?
I could ask that same question.
Ed Dunleavy,
Sabrina's boyfriend.
And what are you
doing in my rob?
Boyfriend?
What do you mean boyfriend?
She didn't say anything
about a boyfriend.
Yeah.
Well, we broke up.
But I know she still loves me.
OK, pal.
Where'd she meet you, huh?
Don't tell me.
Night club.
It was kind of like that.
Yeah.
I'm kinda surprised.
Because you're a heck of a lot
older than her usual pick-ups.
If I'm a pick-up, how
come I'm cooking dinner,
and you're the one
dropping by for a visit?
OK.
OK.
I deserve that.
-Look.
I'm a musician.
She's a record promoter.
OK.
It's not like we're getting
engaged or anything.
Oh.
Oh.
She's a record promoter.
She's not a record promoter?
Are you all right?
I'm sorry.
My therapist says I'm still
working through my relationship
with mom.
I try to recreate my sense
of isolation as a child
so I can get myself addicted
to these abusive, degrading
relationships.
Look.
I don't mean to dump
all this on you.
Hey, it's OK.
Don't you let her break
your heart, boyfriend.
Because she'll steal your
soul and never give it back.
Damn.
I need a drink.
A star is born.
So much self-confidence,
faith in himself.
Where does it all come from?
It's kind of a long story.
He's unlike any
man I've ever met.
There's no stopping him.
He doesn't know a damn
thing about running a city.
Just let him get elected.
We'll take care of the rest.
Here he comes.
That's him.
Here he comes.
Arturo!
Looking good.
He's got a gun!
Get Arturo in the car.
It was a man.
Well, of course, it was a man.
When did you ever hear
of female assassin?
Wade, come on.
There's always
going to be counter
revolutionaries threatened by
any change in the status quo.
They think if men regain
control, wars will resume,
children will be killed.
You really can't blame them for
reacting like this, professor.
It's not our world.
You imposed your
value system on people
who just aren't ready for it.
Well, maybe you're right.
The question is
what do I do now.
It's obvious.
You withdraw from the race.
I can't withdraw from the race.
Not after the consciousness
that I've raised.
I mean think of the
example it would send.
It would be generations
before another man
would dare raise his head.
Well, you better think of
something fast, professor.
We slide on election night.
And the big debate's tomorrow.
I am a serious
musician, you dig.
I've got gold records
at home on my wall.
If only I could
show them to you.
Rembrandt, you don't have
to prove anything to me.
I don't?
Don't you know
how special you are?
I knew it the moment I
set eyes on you, looking
so fine on that street corner.
I don't like the
idea of being just
another notch in your
belt. Guys with passkeys,
silk undies in the closet.
Whoa.
Back up.
I'm a free agent.
I thought we were
fine on all that.
We are.
It's just--
Then,
what's the problem?
I'm not really sure.
And when I get
home tonight, we'll
just put this whole unpleasant
conversation behind us.
Wait a minute.
Home tonight?
Where are you going?
I told you.
I have a business dinner.
I made beef stroganoff.
I slaved for hours.
And I thought afterwards we
would go to the Blue Note.
They have open mic night.
Well, now, what do
you expect me to do?
Change my plans?
If you loved me
so all-fired much,
you could spend a
little time at home.
You don't take my singing
seriously, do you?
Don't get your
boxers in a bunch.
If you want to
sing, jump right in.
You've got my
undivided attention.
No dammit.
You're taking me
for granted, Serena.
I mean what about my needs?
Needs?
That's all I ever hear
about are your needs.
It's getting to
be a drag, Remmie.
It's over, kiddo.
This just isn't
working for me anymore.
I don't understand.
Hi, it's Serena.
Do you have any messages for me?
Don't let her get your goat.
She wants the voters to see
your male aggressive side.
OK.
OK.
Give 'em hell, man.
You knew I had to come
by and give the professor
a little moral support.
What happened to
your fine friend?
Uh.
Soon as they start
to tie you down,
I hear the sound of
that lonesome highway
calling my name.
And I know it's time to move on.
A man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.
Amen.
Oh yeah.
I'm going to go
check the podium.
Don't want you to look
too tall out there.
Professor, you're
all set with what
you're going to say, right?
Will you stop
checking up on me?
I find it impossible to think.
The professor's
throwing the election.
What?
Oh, Mr. Mallory has
impressed on me certain
uncomfortable realities.
The truth of the matter
is I cannot simply
withdraw from this election.
It will destroy all those
who pinned their hopes on me.
It'll make it impossible
for another man
to stand for office.
So I've decided
to pull a Muskie.
You're going fishing?
I refer to Senator
Edmund Muskie, a leading
candidate in the 1972 election.
He made the mistake of weeping
in the course of a particularly
difficult question.
As a result, his candidacy was
instantly destroyed, because he
was perceived as a weakling.
They're ready for
you on stage, Mr. A.
I'm five points behind.
One day to go.
I have to give a performance
in there that will
convince them not to elect me.
Let's do it.
Yeah.
Arturo.
Look.
I have the greatest respect
in the world for men.
My husband is a man.
I have two sons,
whom I love dearly.
I employ more males in my
administration than any mayor's
office since the Great
National Plebiscite gave women
control in the first place.
As long as they work
in the mail room.
-Excuse me.
-Nothing.
Please continue.
Keep your cool, professor.
I simply don't
believe that men are cut out
for leadership or the kind
of cooperative brainstorming
that running a
large city entails.
That's why I need
your vote tomorrow.
Remember.
It is not about gender.
It is about the future.
All right.
Come on, professor.
You can do it.
I was going to address the
problems of a society that
calls itself a democracy
and yet disregards
half of its population.
But I just want you to know
that what Mayor Ross just
said really hurt my feelings.
I'm sorry.
I-- I don't know whether
it's-- it's just the stress
of the campaign or
the expectations
that people have of me, but
right now, I'm a nervous wreck.
What the hell's he doing?
The attack ads.
The endless articles
attacking my character
and my credibility.
I hope you're satisfied.
You have hurt me more
than words can say.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I-- I can't go on.
What?
Goodbye.
Well, that was
quite a performance.
Well, I guess I
learned to cry over
nothing just by watching you.
Thank you, man.
That means a lot.
Here comes the brain trust,
and they don't look too happy.
It's OK.
Insta-poll results.
You've alienated some of
your core constituency.
No doubt about it.
Oh my.
I'm truly apologetic for
that shameful display.
Sorry?
Every talking head out
there is saying how you
mopped the floor up with her.
You should have
heard Cokie Roberts.
You're a political
genius, professor.
Give me that.
The sympathy factor.
You were sensitive and
human, open and honest.
We've got the
momentum, professor.
I really think we're
going to win this thing.
In the early returns,
Mayor Ross is leading
Maximilian Arturo--
The network's still saying
it's too close to call.
All right.
Thank you.
Two minutes, professor.
You gotta make a decision soon.
I know.
I know.
I got some goodies
for the slide.
Cutting it kind of close.
Don't worry.
I wouldn't have missed
this for the world.
What's he going to do?
He doesn't know yet.
I just came from
Ross headquarters.
They've got her 3 points ahead.
She was 100 points ahead.
You don't still think
that you can win, do you?
I have never doubted it.
Do you want to bet?
Name your stakes.
If you
win, I'll give you
a neck rub that'll put hair
back on that pointy little head
of yours.
And if I lose?
If we don't make it
home, then you're my slave
for the whole next slide.
Well, that's hardly fair.
Well, just how
confident are you?
One minute, professor.
You got to make up your mind.
In a recent update,
CNN has now declared incumbent
Mayor Ross as the winner.
Based on the exit polls,
CNN just called it for Ross.
Ha.
See.
I'm sorry, Mr. A. At least,
we gave it the good fight.
Huh.
Everybody.
When we started this campaign,
we didn't expect to win.
We just wanted to
make a good showing.
Today, we have come that close.
We lost the battle.
You will win the war.
Thank you so much.
And God bless you.
I'll go write a dignified
concession speech for you.
10 seconds, professor.
What are you going to do?
Let's go.
Thank God.
Come on, professor.
We haven't got all day.
Rembrandt, you coming?
After you, Wade.
Hey.
Whoa.
My luck it'll land on edge.
Wait a minute.
CNN's wrong.
They've declared you the winner.
BBC and NBC say CNN's all wrong.
They've just declared
you the winner.
Professor?
Water's great, Q-Ball.
Boy.
Boy, I need a refill please.
Thank you.
How long till we next slide?
Nine days.
Five hours.
And 32 minutes.
Tell me the truth.
Did you vote for him?
Me either.