Skins (2007–2013): Season 6, Episode 7 - Alo - full transcript

Mini, I love you.

'Jesus, farm boy. Talk about
ruining the mood.'

Just drive.

I know what she said, all right?
But she's not available.

She's my girlfriend and you lot
just fuck with her head.

I don't want you here.
I never wanted you at all,

do you understand?

I'm in this class.
Well, I've been away for a bit.

Like, on holiday.

I've missed you so much.

'Farm boy?'



Come down. I want to talk.

I'm telling you I'm sorry.

It's too fucking
exhausting loving you.

I don't think you know
how to love anything.

Who have you told, Mini?

Have you told anyone?

I haven't told myself.

Whoo!

Mini! Mini!

Come dance!

Mini!

I don't give a shit, mate.
Like none of the shits.

I've got no more shits for that girl.
You know, I don't get it.

We used to have jokes,
like proper fucking jokes.



And now it's just... I don't know.
Reality drama bullshit.

Al, I didn't wanna tell you this
when you were all smitten and shit

but you can do better, man.

For reals?

For fucking reals. Why not?

What about her?

Who?

Her.

She's eye-fucking you, man.

Fuck, man. She's coming over.
Look, she's coming over.

Fucking be cool.

Hey.

Wanna monkey-fuck?

What?

I'm desperado for a light here.

Oh, yeah, but they're just wannabes.

You wanna know a secret?

Always.

Found a... secret stash of bevvies.

Gonna make a cocktail.

You want in?

Cha!

Better?

Much better.

Little bit of this,
little bit of that.

Are you trying to get me drunk
so you can get in my pants?

Oh, no. That's what the rohypnol's
for. This is just for jokes.

Very mature...

farm boy.

Oh. Er... Mini McGuinness.

This is...

Poppy Champion.

Poppy Champion.

Well, um... enjoy your beer
and bants, then.

So.

So.

It's been fun.

I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.

Dewi tried to off-road the van
this morning. Totally fucked it.

So, er... we're stuck with Betsy.

You own a tractor?
I know. It's properly jokes.

I love tractors.

Fancy a lift, Tink?

What's the plan, Peter Pan?

Well. I thought we could
munch this shiz alfresco.

Fancy. Are you trying to impress me?

I don't need to try.

Onwards to Neverland!

Fuck! Whoa! Ow!

Fucking sweat balls! Ow!

Does it hurt? Oh!

No.

You're it. What?

Come on, Alo!
Oh, you cheat!

Poppy! Oi!

Come on!

Come on!

Pretty average land-boy lifestyle,
really.

Got my mum. My dad.

Four cows. Bunch of sheep
and chickens.

Oh, and Rags, my dog.

We got a Labrador once, but my dad
gave him to an old folks' home

cos he crapped in his bed.

Bet he was the shit.

We called him Napoleon
cos he was so little.

Oh, little dogs are badass.
I know, right?

Hey, you wanna see me
do a handstand?

Um... yeah.

Ta-da!
How life-altering was that?

You're like...

really weird.

I know you are.
No, I mean like a compliment.

A lot... a lot of girls would hate
this, not rom coming it,

just hanging out, having jokes.

You talking about a lot of girls
or just Wendy?

What?

Well, the bombshell who chitchatted
with us in Neverland.

Well, she's your ex, right?

Well, you don't have to tell me
if it's too like emo or whatever.

No! Um... no. Look, we weren't even
really together. It was all physical.

She has a serious case of libido
bipolar, hot and cold all the time.

I was like her West Country whore,
fuckable just as long
as nobody found out.

So, um...

I mean, I'm... I'm just throwing this
out there, but...

do you want to make this thing
official?

Are you asking me
to be your girlfriend, Alo?

Maybe.

Do you want to?

Wait.

There's something else
I wanna do first.

'Meet Joe Jonas!

'Excellent!'

Oh, fuck! Fuck, I'm going to come!

Fuck, yeah!
Oh!

Oh.

Oh, no.
Oh, yes!

Yes, yes!

Oh, fuck!

Yes!

What... what the fuck?

Chill out. I never use a condom.
It's no biggie.

No, no, no, no! Don't touch me! Don't
touch me! Don't touch me. Stay there.

Stay there, stay there. OK. OK.

Oh. OK.

Just tell me exactly...

how old are you?

I'm 14. Almost.

Oh, my God! You're 13!

I don't get it. What's the drama?

Of course you don't get it.
You're a child.

I'm not a child. I can get
the adult menu at Pizza Hut.

What the fuck?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm a teenage paedo.

Like an actual paedophile!

Me! Fuck!

I woke up this morning and I was
normal!

Poppy!

Shiz. That's my parents.
Oh, my God.

You just get off your arse.

All right, I will, then.

Lovely!

You know, when we met,
you loved the fact that I fought.

If that was all that was wrong with
you then, Connell, things change.

Let's not talk
about things changing, love.

Unless you want to talk about your
tits. Oh, fuck off! And your arse.

Go and do the garden like you...

Don't fuck me around
the fucking Cotswolds!

If only you knew where the Cotswolds
were, Connell, if fucking only!

If only I could get at them, love!

Stop it, Connell! All right!
Stop it!

Don't talk to me like that!
That's right!

No, no, don't pin any of this
"oh, he doesn't even touch me any
more" shite on me, all right?

Boo!
Fucking...

So. How did D-day
go with the green fairy?

Pixie. Look, mate, I... I really need
to talk to you about...

Oh, Frankster. Alo was just gushing
about his new squeeze.

New squeeze?
There's no squeeze.

Yeah, Al. About that. I, um...

Hey, Hardbeck, do you mind if I chat
up your life partner for a hot
minute?

Sure.

Oh, what, alone? Oh, cool, yeah.
Mm.

Yeah.

Laters.

I know about you and Mini.
Yeah, and?

And?

Look, Mini likes to think
she's a complicated girl, Alo,
but she's not.

When she says no,
she really means yes.

That sounds a bit wrong.
Focus, Alo.

Mini needs you.
She doesn't even like me.

Doesn't matter.
You have to get her back.

Don't you get it?

You two are like the only good thing
to happen this entire crappy year.

So, stop fucking it, Alo.

How am I fucking...

You know what, Franks? I cannot
deal with this bullshit right now.

I'm sorry but it's over.

No, don't cry. I'm not dumping you.

I just don't want to hear
or see you any more.

It's over, bitch!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I'm so glad you came!

Oh. Um... Poppy.

I...

We need to talk.
After you meet my mates.

So, what are you, like, 30?
Yeah, close.

Anyway, status update?

Well, it's not Facebook official.
But it's totally official.
Right, babes?

Yeah, yeah. Love you too, girlfriend.

So, what, have you two
like done the nookie?

Don't be dizzy, Megs.
I'm no Taylor Swift.

We did it like a million times last
night. Doggy, pony, everything.
Right, babe?

You should defs invite some
of your hot mates to come jam.

The boy-girl ratio here is
practically lezbo. No offence, Pops.

Yeah, they're not really into
electro-pop. Or prison.

What?

Tune!

Ah. What's happening?

Poppy! Poppy!
Hey!

We need to talk.

Hands to yourself, Chris Brown.

You wanna do hot knives? Poppy.
We don't have to do hot knives.

Cheska scammed some MD off her
sister. We could drop a few bombs
if you want.

Poppy. I should never have come
here.

I...

I'm sorry but I can't be
your boyfriend
or whatever you want me to be.

Look, it's not you, it's me.

OK? No, actually it is kind of all
you.

But, I mean, don't feel bad
because we can still be mates.

I mean not, like, call or text
or hang-out kind of mates.

But... I'm really sorry.

You're gonna go back
to that mega-bitch Mini, aren't you?

No! I don't know!

Fine. Flip off!

You make people think you're nice
but you're not nice.

You're just a... a hypocrite!

Get out!

Wait! Stop!

Please don't go!
You won't be happy with her!

She doesn't love you!
Listen to me, OK, Poppy?

I'm sorry, OK?
But I... I don't love you back.

And it's... it's just not love
if someone doesn't love you back.

Stop. Stop it. Stop it!

I'm not your boyfriend!

You're a child! It's sick!
I don't even like you!

And no amount of head or head-fuckery
is going to change that!

Poppy, look...
Back the fuck up, kiddy fiddler!

Pervert!
Someone call the police!

No, it's...
I'm going, all right? I'm going.

What?!

So, you gonna tell me, then, what
happened with, er...

Poppy, champion of the world?

No. Shut up, all right? I've been
thinking. Why don't we go away?

What?

Yeah, you know. We'll... we'll
hit up Amsterdam.

Lost Boys it like we
always said we would.

Is this about your exam?

Because I told you you can't cram
an entire term the night before, Al.

No. This is not about an exam.
I just wanna get away, that's all.

And right now I want to go to
Amsterdam with my best fucking matey.

Now come on. What do you say?

I dunno, Al.
I'll think about it, yeah?

Bullshit, Rich. Do not just say stuff
to make me feel better.

I think it's tops.
Just... I mean well back-burn it.

No. It's a yay or a nay,
or fuck off, Rich.

McGuinness!

Thanks.

That's OK.

Is this year 13 geography?

Yes.

Aloysius Creevey.

Oi!

Oh!

What the fuck are you doing?

You're nicked.

Yeah, all right, mate!

Come on, son. You won't need
A-levels where you're going.

Look. Whatever you think I've done,
all right, you're wrong.

I'm just waiting to hear you say it.

Play silly buggers if you want.
We've got all day.

Smithy, we've got squash at seven.

We've got till six.
Minus an hour for lunch.

So, you better start talking,
boyo, cos you're in trouble.

Big trouble.

You're looking
at at least three years' jail time.

Plus a year on the sex offenders
register.

Three years?

We have a statement here given by
Poppy Champion earlier today.

Mitch?

"Aloysius Creevey
groomed me until I sexed him.

"He said he liked 'em young."

Nuh-uh, right? It's the other way
around. She's had more sex than me!

"He told me I could play with his
puppy. But he didn't mean his pet."

I meant Rags.

My dog Rags, not...

my penis.

"He gave me alcohol and..."
And drugs.

"He said it wouldn't hurt."

You sick bastard.

You sick... you sick bastard.

Look, all right?
She is the sick one.

She's lying!

Oh, come on!

Right. OK.

All right.

I had sex with her, but I didn't know
she was underage, OK?

I didn't know.

I swear I didn't know!

You do not have to say anything,

but it may harm your defence if you
do not mention, when questioned,

something which
you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say
may be given in evidence.

Aloysius Creevey.
You've got a visitor.

Hello, Aloysius.

How are you, lad?

We've cleared out your locker.

Most of it we had to confiscate.

Or incinerate.

Here's the rest.

I think you know
what I'm going to say.

I'm sorry, Aloysius.

But we are suspending you
from Roundview College,

subject to further investigation.

Doug, please.

It's out of my hands, Aloysius.

They're saying
you're a danger to children.

Or in street parlance, a nonce.

I am not a nonce, all right?

I know that.
But technically you are.

Sorry.

But chin up.

You can bounce back.
Get on that horse.

And don't let the bastards
grind you down!

Not you. I didn't mean you.

Can you leave now, please?

Yes. Yes.

Remember, lad. Oggy, oggy, oggy!

Yes?

You just called me a bastard.

Er... no.

I... I didn't.

Aloysius Creevey. You've
been released on bail pending trial.

You should have told me.

I thought I could handle it.

You know everything's
gonna be fine, right?

No, Richard. It's not fine. That is
the opposite of what its going to be.

Everything is fucked.

If it's fucked now, what's it gonna
be like next year or in five years?

I cant hack this for the rest
of my life, Rich, all right?

What shall I do?

What are you doing?

Just...

I don't need that
kind of cheering up.

Just ring Poppy and be like,
you know, what the fuck and shit.

I don't think I'm allowed
to talk to her.

What are you doing? Rich!
Rich, I think that's still illegal.

Don't call her. Don't call her, Rich.

Rich! Rich, don't. Don't fucking...

It's ringing.

Rich, stop. No, no! Rich, don't...

It's ringing. There you go.

Thank God! I got arrested
because of you! Sorry.

OK. I am being charged with
a sexual assault of a minor.

Do you have any idea
how serious that is?

I know and I'm sorry. I was just
monumentally pissed at you.

I could go to jail.

If you tell them I made it
all up, they'll drop the charges.

Poppy, who are you talking to?

Dad! I... No-one. Dad!

Hey, now you listen here, you sick
paedo fuck. You're going to jail.

Hi, Mr Champion. If you'd kindly
let me finish speaking with Po...

Now, I'm a God-fearing man,
but I swear to baby Christ

if that limp dick jumps out of your
pants again, I will bite it off!

Mr Champion,
I apologise. If there's anything...

I will bite off that cocky cock
of yours.

Do you hear me?
Yes, I can hear you.

I will rape you in your prickless
hole with your own dirty dick.

I will rape you so fucking hard
you'll wish you died as a child!

OK.

'Fuck you!'

What did she say?

No. No, that was her dad, right?

He wants to bite my dick off and rape
me with it. So, you know, no biggie.

So, that... it didn't go well, then?

Come on, mate. Let's just leave.

Oh, fucking great.

Where you going?
You can't just run away from this.

I can, Rich, yeah?

People say that they can't
run away from their problems.

Well, yeah, they just
weren't running fast enough.

Alo! Alo!

Al!

I don't know what kids' bus
you're getting, mate.

Fuck's sake!

'Hi, this is Mini. Can't talk right
now. Leave a message.'

Oi! Who's down here then?

Ow!

Go back up, you little bastard.

Tyler, get away from that strange
man! You nonce!

No, it's not what it looks like.

Come on, girls.

I've haven't even been to court yet!

Oh, shit.

Morning, boy.

All right, Dewi? How did you find me?

When you weren't in the barn.
Thought you'd be here.

Hear you messed up.

Yeah, I know.

Mmm.

Well, I brought this for you.

It's from your ma.

She's worried about you.

I'm running away, Dew.

Not a fan, then?

Hmm.

The thing about Peter Pan is,
boy, he's a coward.

He had the chance of a lifetime
and he bottled it.

Just fucked off back to Neverland.

All alone forever,
he was, by his own hand.

Poor old Wendy,

she had to grow old without him.

Fucking tragedy, if you ask me.

Well, I suppose...

you're old enough

and, well, you're ugly enough
to make your own decisions.

Or make your own mistakes.

That's all I have.

It's up to you now, son.

Stay or run.

Just look after yourself, eh, boy?

McGuinness! McGuinness!

Mini!

For fuck's sake, farm boy!
What are you playing at?

OK. OK, OK.

With a little hindsight,

the whole breaking and entering
does feel a bit excessive.

But, to be fair, I did knock
and you didn't answer,

which is kind of rude
considering you're actually home.

Maybe because I didn't want
to speak to a child molester!

It was an accident.

What? What? You slipped,
fell and molested a pre-teen girl?

Don't say that.

I mean, you know, congratulations.

You finally found a girl
with the same mental age as you.

But, seriously, Alo,
what is wrong with you?

You're what's wrong with me!

I'm not just some lame Michael Cera.
You can't treat me like a bitch

and expect me not to
fall in love with you.

It's not fair, Mini.

Who said I was in love with you?

Don't... don't do that, OK?

Don't revert back to that
Mean Girls McGuinness bullshit, OK?

I hate that girl.

I want you.

I know you, Mini.
I know you're afraid.

You're terrified of being alone,
but guess what. I'm not your dad.

It's not that easy.

How? How is it not that easy?

I don't see what can be easier
than just you and me.

What are you so afraid of?

What... what is it?

I want you to go, Alo.

No.

Leave now.

Get out! Get out of my room!
Get out!

Get out of my room!

OK. OK, OK. I'll go.

I love you and
I know you love me, too.

And when you're ready to admit that,
you come and find me.

Cos I'll be fucking waiting.

However long it takes.

You have to tell him.

Alo! You came.

Let's just get this done, yeah?

OK. They're in here.

Mum. Dad. This is Alo.

He's here to talk about the charges.

Hello.

You'd better sit down.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't you dare

sit at my table.

It's my mother's table.

Well, it's my house.

So he'll stand.

So, anyway...

Basically, you know
what I told you and the police?

Well, I made it up.

This is your fault.

She needs boundaries!

You... you just let her gallivant...

I do not!

You're as soft as shite.

You'd tie her up by the roadside.

That dog was a hell beast.
He's better off.

What, dead?

I did not kill him.

Who are you trying to convince?
You had it in for that dog
right from the start!

Instead of using that knife
to butcher the overcooked lamb,

why don't you just put me
out of my misery

and slit my bloody wrists?

Why don't you...?

Shut the fuck up!

This is bullshit.

Poppy wanted me to come here
and convince you
that what she was saying wasn't true.

But I can't do that.

Cos it is.

But you should know
that it was an accident.

If I'd ever known her age,
I would never have...

You can have me arrested.
You can beat the shit out of me.

But I guarantee...

it's not gonna make you feel
any better.

Aah! Whoa! Aah!

You know what? I do feel better!
I'll see you in court, scumbag!

♪ We're casting off ♪

♪ Setting sail ♪

♪ Three sheets to the wind, lads... ♪

Aye aye, Captain!

So you're living
in a playground now.

Smart move, farm boy.

You look like shit.

Yeah, well, you should see
the other guy.

He's totally fine.

Been looking for you everywhere.

Why?

Just trying to make convo.

Come on, useless.

Let's get you home.

Alo. Yeah?

Hand off my arse.

Don't be so fussy.

I've really fucked it, haven't I?

Yep.

To be fair, um...
it is quite an achievement

to, er... screw up so epically.

Cheers.

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

You were gonna say
I fucked up with you as well?

I fuck up everything. It's true.

I wasn't sure what I wanted.

Yeah, well, you were right
not to be sure.

I'm just a fucking quarter bottle
of disappointment, me, ain't I?

If I had a... a problem,
like a really big problem and, er...

Well, would... would you help me?
Would you, like, stand by me?

Would you help me?

What?

What is it?

Oh.

Hello?

'Alo? It's me.'

I'm not supposed to be
talking to you, am I?

'I was just ringing to tell you

'that you kind of made my mum
leave my dad.'

Oh, for fuck's sake.

'It's fine. He's a bit of a prick.
Everyone knows it.

'But Mum made him drop the charges.
And you're lovely.

'Whoever gets to be your girlfriend
is lucky, cos you're lovely.

'Plus, you've got
a ginormous willy.

'Bye, Alo.'

Mini?

Mini?

What?

Alex is never
with one guy for long.

So whatever you think might be
about to happen, it's not real.

He's right. You are edgy.

What about little bomber boy?

He's away.

Oh, so now you're back in
my life? Is that how it works?

Nobody calls you out.

About what?

That Grace wouldn't be dead

if you hadn't been fucking over Matty
and every other boy who came by.

Don't die. Ever.

OK.

Hey! Liv!

Something's wrong.