Skins (2011): Season 1, Episode 5 - Stanley - full transcript

Is this our date?

Hell, it's a date.

I'm really sorry.

What for?

Stan invited you here for your drugs.

Who is dumb enough to jump Stanley?
Cadie.

You can't keep doing just
whatever you want, you know.

You always just lose it!

Stanley should treat you better than that.

We should all be better.

I'm happy.



Stanley had to miss first period today

"Due to a funeral procession
blocking the driveway.

Sincerely, Mark Lucerne."

That's not my signature!
I don't do curlicues!

Mark. Calm down.

"Our cat gave birth to kittens
and Stanley's the only one

"Who knows how to work the video camera.

Regrettably, Mark Lucerne."

And here we go:

"Unfortunately a church-led
intervention for Grandma Lucerne

"Conflicted with today's classes.

"P.S. Another is planned for next week.

Family is very important to us."

All right!



What are we dealing with?
What's the damage?

Let's have a look-see, here.

Okay.

So, he's missed six of my classes.

Well, that's not so bad.

This month.

So that's 29 total.

In the meantime, why don't
we just wipe the slate clean

and you promise not to miss
any more classes, mister.

Damn right he won't.

But really. He can't.

Because one more unexcused absence

and he'll have to retake the year.

You said a clean slate!

Oh, I hope I didn't mislead
anyone with that metaphor.

No, uh, once more and
he's toast I'm afraid.

District rules.

You know who retakes junior year, Stan?

You know who? Meth heads.
Morons. People who can't read.

Kids who have water sports accidents.

Heroes with setbacks.
Not lazy little shits

who can't get out of bed in the morning.

Jesus Christ, retake the year?
You should be embarrassed.

It's a matter of dignity!

Oh I'm sorry!
Did I say something funny?

It's just hard to tame
you seriously when...

When what? What? When I what?

You look like you're from the future.

I understand he's not an
easy man to get along with.

But you've got to try, for me.

Ow!

Oh, my God.
Mom!

Should we stop?

Oh, he's fine.

So tomorrow we're gonna see
a brand new Stanley, hm?

Yeah, Mom.

Happy Friday.

It's time to wake up.

You can't miss the bus.

Ow... God... Why? Why?!

Up and at 'em!

Shit!

45! In the shower!

And you thought the trombone was stupid!

Have a nice day at school, sweetie!

Bus is coming in ten!

Remember what your teacher said!
Miss one more and you're...

A corpse!

Bye, Stanley.

Wait! Wait!

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Transport.

Steve?
"Here."

Mitch?
"Here."

Gary.
"Here."

Camilla?
"Present."

Stanley?

This is not good, people.

Hey Dave, sorry to interrupt,

but I don't know who else to turn to...

I was at a party last weekend

and somebody offered me
a marijuana cigarette.

Dave, it's been happening
to me a lot too, actually.

I think, it's something that
our generation is seriously

struggling with.

Well, I'm glad you felt you
could come to me, guys.

You know, I'd like to
think that "Cool Teacher"

is not just my favorite bumper sticker.

I'm gonna tell you what I would do

when people would offer
me the funny business?

I'd just say, "Hey, no thanks,

I'm tripping balls on life."

Wow, color me impressed!
Did you do your homework too?

No. But I'm here.

I'll take it.

Way to go, Stan-o.

It's perfect for you, Stan.
It even kind of looks like you.

Yeah! He's totally right.

You guys are just high.

Wait, I'm confused.

Your parents let you take
the car without a license?

So you stole it?
What are you, a glutton for punishment?

Your dad is gonna kill you.
Not even in a fit of passion.

He's just gonna put you
to sleep, like a cat.

You could definitely
have some sex back here.

Really? Seems kinda cramped.

Well, let's see.

Watch out.

I don't get it. Am I the girl here?

Yeah, that works.

You guys should come to
my choir concert tonight.

That's tonight? Why didn't you tell me?

I'm telling you now.

And since Stan over here has this...
sweet new ride,

he can pick you up.
7 o'clock?

No, I can't.
You know, I can't take the car at night.

My parents'll be home.
It's just, uh...

7 o'clock, you say?

Don't be late, Stanley.

Jesus, you scared the crap outta me.

What are you doing out here?

Just, um, looking for a flashlight.

What for?

Earthquake preparedness... kit.

Right...

I know what's going on here.

You do?

You're thinking one day

the old man is just gonna up
and give this baby to you.

Maybe for your birthday or graduation...

Isn't that what you've been out here

daydreaming about all this time?

Um...

Well, you can just keep on daydreaming.

You don't get things handed to you

on a silver platter in this world, son.

That's why I still keep this car.

To remind me of just that.

I bought this car when I was a freshman...

Freshman in college.
Yeah, I know.

You told me.
Saving up since you were...

Six years old!

Father wouldn't let me buy anything

with my allowance money.

Forced me to save it for
something worthwhile.

Twelve years later I had
enough to buy my dream car.

A used hatchback?

Actually, my dream car was
actually a Corvette...

But, it wasn't practical.

And, this baby got me from
Los Angeles to Anchorage.

This baby got me your mom...

Right on the hood...
during a solar eclipse.

I looked at it; went
partially blind for a week.

And, your mom took care of me.

If you know what I mean.

What's wrong with you?
Why are you sweating so much?

I don't know...

It's hot in here.

I'm hot.
Aren't you hot?

You don't... I don't know...

get off on stitching small
animals together, do you?

No.

Well.

Keep your hands off my beer.

Hey. Hear that?

Upstairs, in his room, doing homework.

And you take credit for that... why?

Because I treat him like an imbecile

and he wants to prove me wrong.

You know, maybe if he keeps this
up, we can reward him somehow.

You don't reward him for
shit he's supposed to do.

Why not reward him for
pissing in the toilet

and not in the fridge?

Deal with it. My tactics work.

I got him figured out.

Look at the progress I've made in one day!

Ah, shit!

Watch this.

Bye, mom! I'll be out
late with dangerous men.

Probably do a gang bang,

then maybe a pregnancy pact with the girls.

Sounds fun! Text me later!

Is this dress too slutty
for a private school?

No. Just slutty enough, I'd say.

♪ We got all night, relax ♪

♪ You gotta relax ♪

♪ Take it slow, now ♪

♪ Don't you know, now ♪

♪ You and me, baby ♪

♪ We both know all of the facts ♪

♪ You gotta relax ♪

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Thanks.

Excuse me.

♪ All is fair ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ Love's a crazy game ♪

♪ Two people vow to stay ♪

♪ In love as when they say ♪

♪ They say ♪

♪ That all has changed with time ♪

♪ The future none can see ♪

♪ The road you leave behind ♪

♪ Ahead lies mystery ♪

♪ Mystery ♪

♪ But all is fair in love ♪

♪ I have to go away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ A writer takes his pen ♪

♪ To write the words again ♪

♪ All in love is fair ♪

♪ A writer takes his pen ♪

♪ To write the words again ♪

♪ That all in love ♪

♪ Is fair ♪

Whoa! Chelley! Shit!

Oh, shit! Sorry!

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

You slut!

You didn't like it.

Of course I didn't like it, you jerk.

Um, hey, Sea Shell?

I don't know why you're,
like, way overreacting.

I mean, I make out with my dog.
No biggie.

And it's what the audience wanted so...

Uh, okay. So what if the
audience wanted you to blow him?

If it was super artistic, sure.

B-T-W, this area is for performers only,

so, if you don't mind...

Go get lockjaw blowing a
horse, you bowlegged bitch!

Well, that escalated quickly.

Let's go, Tony.
You can fix it in the car.

Believe me. There's nothing I'd love more

than being in a contained
space with that right now,

but I have the finale.

So, why don't you drive
her home and comfort her?

She's your girlfriend.

Who you love.

What the are you doing?

I'm giving you a gift.

Go open it.

Michelle would never...

Never blow a horse.

You okay?

Ow!

Why are you hitting me?
I didn't do anything!

You knew. Didn't you?
About her?

No!

He told me to take you there, so I did,

and then he told me to
take you home, so I did.

This wasn't some kind of big plan, okay?

Oh, sure it was.

And we don't want to disappoint, do we?

You can tell him you kissed me.

Chelley!

Fuck you, Stan.

You're pathetic.

Jesus! Give up!

No! It's the car. It won't...

♪ Not around because of you ♪

♪ You know I'm not around because of you ♪

Cadie?

Yep, it's me, Cadie.

Having a blast at the asylum.

What do you want, Tony?

I need you to pick me up from Tabitha's

in that fancy car of yours, all right?

So, get your ass out of bed!

Let's go!

You know what your problem is?

You don't appreciate
everything I do for you.

I'd be in bed right now
if it wasn't for you!

Yes, you would always be in
bed if it weren't for me.

You know what? I'm done doing
what you tell me to do, okay?

I'm done.

Good for you.

Right here. It's a shortcut.

I really hate you, you know that?

Speed bump.

This is your fault!

This is the Air Force Police.

Pull your vehicle over at once. I repeat...

Come on! Do you see?
Do you see what happens?

Relax. It's not illegal
to drive a shitty car.

Yeah. What am I gonna give him
when he asks for my license?

My school ID?

Oh my dad and my God's gonna kill me.

Keep driving.

What? Are you insane?

No, I'm intensely sane.

If we leave the base, they can't follow.

It's out of their jurisdiction.

Really?

Keep driving! Keep going.

I'm trying! It's not working!

Pull the vehicle over!

Not good... not good!

Well, that's just bad luck.

Lucky for you, I'm a nice cop...

Does that mean you're gonna let me go?

God, no.

This means I'm gonna let you be
the one who tells your folks.

Well, I think you should
tell your mom first.

Then she can tell your dad,
calm him down a little bit.

Maybe you can get some tears
going; say something like,

"Oh, the worst part of this whole thing

is that it might change
the way you see me."

I don't know. Something like that.

Actually, that's pretty good.

I could talk to them, if you would like.

This is all... all... your fault.

Ah, shit.

Where are you?

Are you okay?

I, uh...

Got into a bit of trouble.

I took Dad's car.

Hand me the phone.
No!

It kind of, uh, caught fire.

The military police were involved.

Where is he?

Where are you?

I'd rather not say.

Run.

I know these charges seem
pretty scary but in reality,

he'll only be charged with
driving without a license.

Since you owned the stolen vehicle

you just have to sign this form here

and the grand theft auto charge go away.

Why would I do that?

Well, often times parents prefer
to treat this sort of thing

as a family matter rather than
getting the courts involved.

That way permanent records aren't affected.

No thanks.

Mark, it was a piece of shit car.

It caught fire for Christ sake.

He's just upset. I'll sign.

Actually, ma'am, the vehicle
is registered to Mr. Lucerne,

so he's the one who decides.

Okay then. An arraignment can be set

for as soon as Monday in
Hampson County Court.

Looking forward to it.

Can he have visitors?

See if you can wake him up.

He's been asleep for a day and a half.

Lovely.

Stan. We came to take your mind off it.

We wanted to do something for you.

I appreciate the thought, girls,

but I just do not have the
energy for a threesome.

Damn. Crap.

How about we just take
you to a party instead?

Eh...

Oh, come on, Chris planned it for you.

Drug-fueled benders are his way
of expressing his feelings.

Hey man,

if it makes you feel any better,

I heard juvie's really badass.

Stan.

Dude, I've been meaning to
go myself one of these days.

I hear your night didn't end so hot either.

What was that for?

For forgetting that you
and Tony are different.

You don't think like he does;
you're nice.

One of the nice guys.
Awesome.

Yeah...

If only you had, like, a badass
criminal record or something...

I'd totally be into it...

As a matter of fact, I do.

I'm sorry!

Give me your hand.

Oh, my God! It's freezing!

Oh, God!

I love this song.

I love you, too.

What?

What'd you say?

That's a really shitty sand castle.

Doesn't even have a flag...

There's a used condom over there.

Tea?

Tea.

Can we go somewhere and talk?

Kinda busy here, Tone.

So where's that flag?

Everybody having fun?

♪ Even when you're too old ♪

♪ And you think you know more ♪

♪ Dragging away from the high road ♪

♪ We should find a flock
of birds big enough ♪

♪ To pull us up ♪

♪ From the long road ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Come with us ♪

♪ We are falling straight down ♪

♪ So don't mess up ♪

♪ Land on the Earth ♪

♪ Before we crash into the ground ♪

♪ Dragging away from the high road ♪

No one likes a cheater, Victor.

Hey.

You're not supposed to be here.

I need someone to talk to.
Can that be you?

Nothing bad ever happens to Tony.

It's like he's got the cheat codes to life,

but everybody else can't have them.

Michelle's a disaster,

Tea's getting weirder and
weirder, and you're in here.

My parents hate each other,

and I'm probably gonna be sent to juvie.

You should plead insanity
and join me in here.

I'm really sorry about everything.

Sorry for what?

If I was the reason that...

You think I'm in here because of you?

Think pretty highly of yourself, huh?

I didn't mean it like that.

It's just, if you were
thinking about me or whatever,

then I'm sorry.

I'm sure plenty of girls would
kill themselves for you.

But I don't...

think about you like that.
Sorry.

Oh... Well, uh, that's good. I guess.

You guess?

Cadie?

Hey.

Oh! Who's this?
Hello there.

He's not a patient.
This is Stanley, from school.

This is Stanley.

Really?

Sorry, are you her roommate?

Okay, we like him.

Stan, this is my mom.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Stan.

I hate to be a party pooper,
but tonight is movie night, so...

Yeah, yeah, sure.

I'll walk you out.

Bye, Cadie.

Bye.

Mrs. Campbell?

How'd she, uh...
How'd she get here?

Um...

Well, you get a call from the school...

in about the 3rd grade.

It's a teacher and they say,

"We love Cadie. She's so creative.

We've just got a few concerns
about her behavior."

And then suddenly she's in the system.

And from then on, it's not if
she sees someone, it's who.

And, it's not if she takes something,

it's what and how much.

And years go by and you think,

"She was just in the 3rd grade!"

I think my parents got that
call from the school about me.

But my dad just yelled at me a lot

and told me to be less weird.

Good dad.

All rise.

Court is in-session.

The honorable Judge David Pagano
now presiding.

Hey, how old are you, man?

Sixteen.

All sit.

Damn. Looking at juvie, huh?

I don't know...

I think you'll do really well there.

You could probably sell locks of your hair

to the guys who miss their
girlfriends and stuff.

Please stop.

Can I touch it?

Stanley Lucerne.

You're being charged
with grand theft auto,

and driving without a license.
First time offenses.

Yes, sir.

The car is owned by Mark Lucerne.

I take it that these two last
names are not a coincidence.

No sir.

He here?

Yes, sir. Don't mind me, sir.

You just feel free to
throw the book at him.

He can take it.

Mr. Lucerne, I've been
doing this for a while

and parents like you
never cease to amaze me.

Thank you.

Stanley, I would like to ask you something.
Come here.

What does every bastard who has
ever lived have in common?

His father is a bastard

and he never broke the cycle.

Break the cycle, Stanley.

In the meantime, I've got
crimes to deal with.

Dismissed.

Jonathan Padrick?

What does that mean?
What happens?

You're free, baby!

Let's go, Padrick.

Hey. How'd it go?

Mom! I beat the wrap! Mom!

Where's Mom?

Went to Aunt Claire's for a while...

For a time.

Apparently, just something
she just had to do.

Can't live here anymore.

Can't talk to me anymore...

Are you splitting up?

God, no.

She's just not living here anymore

or talking to you anymore?

She'll explain it better later

but she said she's sorry...

Why is she sorry?
It's not her fault.

I know.

Listen...

You can drive yourself crazy

trying to find the reason
why people do what they do,

but it's almost never just one reason.

Marriage. Relationships.

They're... complicated.

You shouldn't blame yourself...

I don't blame myself. I blame you.

But, um, one day,

down the road,

you'll find that...

Shut up! Call her!

There's no use. She won't answer.

She'll answer mine. Call her!

Fix this. Fix it, Dad.

Fix this, Dad. Fix it!

Fix it!

Fix it, Dad. Okay? Just fix it.

♪ Living in the dark tower ♪

♪ Getting darker by the hour ♪

♪ Will I wake up ♪

♪ From a dark, dark daydream ♪

♪ Nothing can awake me from ♪

♪ My shell ♪

♪ Not you, or no one else ♪

Hello?

Jesus!

Hey there. You scared me.

You want something to eat?

I thought...

I thought you left.

No.

Never.

Hey, you wanna see a trick?

Hate to say it but, um...

I'm late for school.

Oh...

I suppose I'll have to write you a letter.

You're the expert.
What should it say?

How about...

"Stanley was late for class this morning

"As he was required to
appear in Federal Court

facing charges of grand theft auto."

That's good.

"He was recently in a high-speed car chase

with a police officer through
a secure military base."

"He might have escaped had the
stolen vehicle he was driving

not caught fire and exploded."

"Additionally, his Mom left this morning

"Because Stan's dad is a pig-headed dildo.

Regrettably, Mark Lucerne."

It's not a piece of shit, Dad.

Well, it is now, but it wasn't.

I just drove it wrong.

I should've bought the Corvette.