Six Feet Under (2001–2005): Season 5, Episode 1 - A Coat of White Primer - full transcript

Have you ever told her
how you really feel?

Of course not.

Why not?

Because she'd start
screaming at me.

Or cry.

When else have you chosen
not to express your feelings

so that someone wouldn't
start screaming at you,

or cry?

You mean,
like with my dad?

Yeah.

And?



- My sister.
- Mm-hmm.

And?

Oh, and Leonard.

So pretty much everyone.

Andrea,
would it be so bad

if someone screamed or cried?

Yes.

- Horrible.
- Really?

Worse than feeling
"isolated and invisible,

like an empty gaping hole
in the universe"?

Sometimes you talk
about your life...

in a way that makes me
feel sort of bad.

Okay, like, you make
a lot of money,

your house is a palace.



And you wear
a size four...

when you're bloated.

So, when you get upset
because you gain a few pounds,

or you complain about
how high your taxes are

with no comment on how much worse
those situations are for me...

- Now, uh...
- it makes me feel like

I'm not a real person to you.

Wow.

I am... I am so sorry.

I guess I get wrapped up
in my own drama,

or something.

And I am so glad
you finally said something.

I'm just asking you to think
about how what you say

might feel to me sometimes.

Huh.

When you tell me that you
only want to hear good news...

it makes me feel like
you only, sort of...

Iove me if I get engaged

or promoted at work.

And that makes me
really not want to call you

when I don't have good news,

which is, you know,
most of the time.

Dad?

God, that is so not true.

I'm just telling you
how I feel.

That I never think
about your feelings?

I shower you with gifts.
I mean...

God, Andrea!
Look at this apartment!

Look at all the beautiful things
I've given you!

That antique mirror?
The Italian gondola ashtrays.

The Queen Anne
brass andirons!

Honey, I don't smoke.

I don't have a fireplace.

And I don't like antiques.

You like antiques. I like modern decor,
which you know.

Your modern stuff
just isn't as nice.

I like it.

But it doesn't matter
what I like.

Fine. You know what?
I'll take it all back then.

Leonard!

It's not about the things.

It's not even
about your reaction.

- It's about me being able to express...
- Give me the chair!

- Get up!
- What are you doing?

You hate it so much,
give it back!

I'm trying to tell you how I feel.

Lenny!

Andrea?

Andrea?

Oh, Jesus!

Andrea,
don't do this to me!

Oh, God.

Oh Jesus, now what
am I gonna do?

So how do you feel?

Um...

Alive, uh,
glad about that.

Can you get this
to stay on?

This pin is defective.
It won't prick.

Looks like Nate may have to
get married without a prick.

What do you think, Ma?
You got any advice?

Advice?

Oh, Claire,
I don't know.

Don't give up...

even when things get hard.

And they always do eventually.

Never stop trying.

Oh my God! I nearly got killed
on the way out here.

Some crazy old lapdog lady
almost ran me off the road

with her Lexus SUV!

Claire, where's David?
I need the rings.

Oh, um, I think
he's over there.

David, we're starting!

The twins need to get
the rings on the pillows.

- I just don't want them to get lost.
- Okay.

Thanks. Come on.

Oh yes, you can't stand

being away from Mommy
for a moment, can you?

- How do you feel?
- Like...

every moment of my life
had led up to this one.

Like all of it makes sense.

Like this is the destiny
that's been waiting for me.

I know it's stupid to think
in terms of "happily ever after,"

but that's what
it feels like right now.

Okay, let's do this thing.

"Let's do this thing"?

- Hey, no analyzing.
- I'm not analyzing.

I'm loving. Thanks.

Ugh, coffee...
I can't even smell it.

Sorry.

We come together
on this beautiful day,

to witness and celebrate
the union of Nate and Lisa.

- I vow to love and nurture you...
- I'll skip the vows.

- No, you can watch the vows.
- I'll watch them later.

Have you learned all kinds
of interesting things?

I just wanted
to see it, you know?

So that I didn't do the same thing
in some weird way,

make everyone uncomfortable.

I was the first one
to shoot this location.

We used it in "Pack Up Your Sorrows:
The Mimi Farina Story."

- Isn't it gorgeous?
- This is going to be different.

I want it to be perfect.

It's already perfect,
even if it rains

- and everybody gets soaked.
- That's why I got the tent.

Even if the band sucks
and the food is rancid.

That's why we're only having
hors d'oeuvres.

I love how weddings
erase the past.

Like a coat of white primer.

Slap a veil on her
and the biggest slutbag on the planet

becomes a fresh-faced ingenue.

Oh, I'm gonna puke.

Sorry.
Is it the coffee?

You okay, Bren?

Ow. God damn it!

Yeah well, that's not
what she told me.

Who wanted tuna fish?

Hold the mercury!

Well, you're an idiot!

George?

If you want mercury,
I'll give you mercury.

Hell, our bloodstream's
already full of it.

It's in all the water. The rivers
are poisoned. The ocean's poisoned!

- George.
- No.

No!

No! No!

No! No!

I just don't know how
this could have happened.

I mean, they had such
a good relationship, I thought.

They never fought.

I just don't understand.

Some things in life...

we can never understand
exactly why they happened.

But it's so unfair.
She was just starting

to really be herself

for the first time
in her life.

That's rough...

when people are
just starting over.

I know. I know.

Your husband is suffering
from a condition

called "Depressive Psychosis."

The hallucinations,
paranoia and delusions

are all characteristic.

We generally get good results
from a combination

of tricyclic antidepressants

- and antipsychotic medications.
- But how did this happen?

Any kind of stress can trigger
this type of condition.

A death in the family,
pressures at work,

marital conflicts.

But he was fine
when we met.

He was so... lovely.

It can come and go
throughout one's lifetime.

And, according
to his daughter,

your husband has had
a long history of mental illness.

What I'd like to do is get him
started on the meds right away.

And we'll keep him here
for observation for a couple of days

and see how
he takes to it.

I liked that girl Janine.

What do you think?

- About what?
- Her sister.

She was nice,
I thought.

I guess she was nice.
She was in shock,

so it's a little hard to tell
what she'd be like on a date,

- if that's what you're asking.
- Jeez.

What'd he do,
stab her in the eye?

That's what happens to couples
who never learn how to fight.

"Ricky, are you there?"

- Uh, Ricky?
- Oh, shit.

I gotta deal with this girl.

- What girl?
- Just someone I dated a few times.

Really?

Yeah, I signed up
on match. Com

just to, you know,
get out there a little.

Good for you, dude.

- I got to break up with her now.
- On an instant message?

I don't want
to lead her on.

What do you think?

"I'm looking for someone with
a more positive attitude about life."

That's a little harsh, dude.

She should know
for her other dates.

She was a downer, man.

That's very thoughtful, "Ricky."

We're not getting
the response

to the medications
I was hoping for.

George and I have discussed it,

and we agreed our best option
is to move on to E.C.T.

- E.C. T?
- What's...?

Electroconvulsive therapy.

Shock treatments?

It sounds much worse than it is.

We administer
a slight shock to the brain

to reboot the circuits
as it were.

But isn't that...?

It's a very effective treatment
for this type of depression.

Nothing else is working.

George?

- How's he doing?
- Much better.

They think he'll only need
a few more sessions.

Tonight?
But he's still sleeping.

He should wake up
in about a half hour.

He may have some nausea
or mild confusion,

but he'll be fine
to go home tonight.

- Are you sure?
- It's fine.

Worst case scenario, he'll have
some short-term memory loss

- but nothing too severe.
- I think he should be observed

for at least one more night.

- It's not necessary.
- I am not bringing him home tonight!

He's not ready.

All right,
one night more.

But tomorrow,
he has to go home.

We need the bed.

Fuck, I forgot to buy wine.

Maybe it's rude to bring wine
to a pregnant house.

Maybe we should just
pick up some ice cream?

No, we should
definitely buy wine,

in case they forgot
that other people still drink.

Can I wear this, or will everyone
think I'm a total indigent?

What about that
purple thing in the closet?

- That's here?
- Yeah.

Oh, good.
I totally thought that was lost.

Maybe you should
just move in.

Really?

- You mean, like, totally?
- Wouldn't it just be easier?

You're in my darkroom
all day long

- and you sleep over every night.
- Is that annoying?

Yeah, it's annoying,
that's why I want you to move in,

because I'm a total masochist.

Yeah, but how would
we both work in here?

It's been fine so far.

Okay, 'cause I totally
took over your space.

I could use
my studio at school

if I ever get inspired
to make anything again.

Oh, come on.

It would be a relief to never
have to see my mother again.

You're going to have
to see her tonight.

Would you be
terribly disappointed

if I couldn't make it
tonight, dear?

No. Is everything all right?

I'm just feeling
a little tired.

Is George okay?

- He's coming home tomorrow.
- That's great.

Is he going to be able
to make it to the wedding?

Make it to the wedding?

Do you have any idea
what kind of state he's in?

I'm sorry.
I thought he was better.

He is better.

He's just not himself yet.

You sure
you don't want to join us?

Yes.

I just need
one last quiet night.

I'll be in by 9:00 tomorrow
if you need help with anything.

All right. Bye.

- Hey.
- Hey! You look great!

Thank you.
I feel like shit!

- Hey. Welcome.
- Hey.

Non-alcoholic sparkling cider.

- Thank you very much.
- So Mom's not coming.

- Hey.
- Why not?

Because she hates me.

- She doesn't hate you anymore.
- Now she hates Claire.

Why does she hate Claire?

Mom thinks she's flushing
her life down the toilet.

Because she's taking
the semester off.

Not because
she's dating my brother.

Uh, no!
Just the school thing.

Because she's taking off
one semester?

I think she's terrified
that Claire won't go back,

and Mom's biggest regret in life
is that she never went to college.

So if Claire doesn't graduate,
it's like she...

- failed twice or something.
- Mm-hm.

It's time for somebody
to take a bath.

- I'll do it.
- You sure?

Yeah! I got to pee anyway
for the billionth time today.

Where does
it all come from?

- Bye!
- Bye!

We'll go have a bath.

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

She knows we all think
Billy's a bomb waiting to go off.

- What does she think?
- She thinks he's fine when

he's on his medication

and he's been taking it
for a long time, so whatever.

I could almost deal with the guy
if he wasn't fucking my little sister.

He's better than Gabe.

Come on, he was
a drug-crazed killer.

He didn't kill the guy,
he shot at him.

She should have stayed
with her nice gay boyfriend.

That guy was an asshole.

She knows how to pick them.

- Ooh, they're here!
- Hey, Billy!

Come on in!

- How you doing, Billy?
- Good.

- Hello.
- Hey.

- Hey, guys!
- Hey.

- Where's Mom?
- She's not coming.

- Do your parents still live in Ohio?
- Columbus, yeah.

- Where did you grow up?
- L.A., West Adams area,

- near where I work.
- Oh.

I don't know L.A.
That well.

- How long have you been here?
- Four years... but it's so big!

My hours are crazy
at the dentist's,

because people have to
schedule their appointments

before and after regular work hours,
and on weekends too.

- So...
- Yeah, my business too.

You're never off.

You could always get a call.

That must be convenient
for dating.

- Uh, what?
- Like, when you want

to get out of a date,
you can have a friend call you

and pretend to be
a dead person or whatever.

Come on.

I wouldn't do that!

How's it going
with the adoption thing?

We have two interviews left
for the home study.

Then we just have to
wait for a referral.

- What's a referral?
- Mm.

- A kid.
- Wow. How long will you have to wait?

- Anywhere from a week to many years.
- That's got to be hard.

Yeah. But they all say sometimes
being gay helps you get chosen faster.

In this backward country?

The birth-mothers have
to look at thousands of pictures

- of straight white people.
- So we kind of pop out.

It's so weird to imagine
going through all that...

nine months and a delivery
and you don't even want the kid.

I mean,
who would do that?

- Christians.
- No, not only.

Some women just can't deal
with making a decision,

and they leave it too long.

But they don't even
get money, right?

We'll have to pay
the hospital bills.

That's where
they can scam you.

If they change their mind,
you're left with the bill.

That rarely happens.

It really makes you see
the appeal of a surrogate.

It does?

Yeah.

That and wanting
to have your own kid.

Yeah, but there are so many kids
who already exist who need homes,

why would we want
to make another one?

For the same reason
straight people do.

But given that
it's not quite as easy for us,

why would we do
something so extreme...

Why should we be the ones
who don't get to have our own kids,

just because we're gay?

It's not because we're gay.

I just don't think a child
has to have my genes

for me to feel like
it's mine.

I'm sure people love adopted kids
as much as their own.

I mean, obviously.

Maybe. It's easy to say
when you have your own.

I love Maya.

And you still wanted
one of your own.

You just think you don't deserve
to have what everyone else has.

Would anybody have more wine
if I open another bottle?

Yes.

You think you're the only one
with dreams that don't work out?

We both got
what we settled for.

I think you just
don't love me anymore.

- I do love you.
- Hello!

You're home early.

Yeah, well, first date,
you know.

How was it?

It was okay.

Well, good night.

Would you like
some sambuca?

Um, sure.

Unless...

- I don't want to disturb you.
- Oh no.

I want to hear about it.

Was this the dental hygienist
or the investment banker?

The hygienist. Sharon.

The banker was too... shiny.

You know...

it may have just been
an unfortunate lotion.

But let's hear about Sharon.

Well, uh, she was nice.

I liked her, I guess.

Did you get a sense
of what kind of person she was?

Does she seem solid?

Mm-hm.
Yeah, definitely solid.

It's so important to feel
you could rely on someone.

Yeah. It's interesting,
this whole dating thing.

I never really did it
before Vanessa.

Enjoy it, dear.

But try not to be blinded
by lust, if you can.

Hey, do you guys
want to get high?

I could get high.

I've got some
really good pot.

- I've got some.
- I actually have some in my jacket.

You do?

It's left over from when
we went to The Hollywood Bowl.

That's too old.

I just got this.

Mine cost $200
for an eighth.

- Let's smoke that.
- It's inside.

Don't tell Keith
we're smoking.

He gets really annoying
when he's high.

I don't want to make a big deal
about it in front of Brenda.

I know what you mean.
Billy can't smoke because

of all his medications.

So how's Mom?

When was the last time
you talked to her?

You might want to call her
tomorrow before the wedding

- so it's not tense.
- She can call me.

There you go.

So, um, what do you guys
think about Billy?

He's in a pretty good place,
you think?

Yeah. Definitely.

Good place,
what does that mean?

Just that he's doing
really well.

It doesn't mean I won't
lay awake at night worrying

about the fact
you're in his bed.

That's a nice thing to say
about your wife's brother.

She knows how I feel.

It is so unfair to hold things
that happened

years ago against someone.

That's saying
that people can't change!

I mean,
you changed!

Yeah,
I've changed,

but I'm not totally
fucking insane.

I didn't try and carve a tattoo
off somebody's ass.

Shut up!

Here.

What?

I don't know.

Did you have a bad dream?

Maybe.

Yeah.

- What? What?
- Oh.

Oh my God,
I'm bleeding.

Uh, uh...

- Oh, Nate!
- Okay okay okay. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm going to try to schedule
the D&C for tomorrow morning.

We can't do it tomorrow.

We're getting married.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

- Bren, we can cancel.
- No, we have to do it today.

I can't get
an anesthesiologist today.

We have to do it tomorrow, Bren.

Oh, fuck.

Can it wait till Monday?

Sure, Monday's fine.

Then we'll do it Monday.

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

Is that me?

No, it's Nate.

No, these pieces?

That's Brenda.
Narcissist.

Well, it looks like me.

Well, they're not.
This is a wedding present.

Why would I have you
in there?

Because she can marry Nate,
but she'll always love me.

She is me!

No!

Hey.

Are you upset with me?

No, I was just concentrating.

All right.

I'll leave you alone.

I'm sorry.

How do I get to my room?

You mean our room?

Our bedroom?

If that's what it is.

Come on upstairs now.

We'll get you unpacked.

You made it clear we're
only considering a surrogate?

Yeah.
Now what about Tamara?

She's got your forehead,
an I.Q. Of 120.

She's 5'2" and she
weighs 160 lbs.

Maybe that's why she costs less
than the other ones.

It's not like I wouldn't love
an obese child,

but I'd rather not sign up
for a lifetime of body issues,

especially if we get a girl.

If we get a girl,
you better hope she's obese.

I'm not having some
12-year-old hottie

running around Sunset Boulevard
with her ass crack showing.

Hey, Rog, what's up?

Uh... yeah.

I can do a couple of nights
next week.

Let me get my calendar.

What nights
were you thinking of?

I know I'm free Tuesday.

Are you ready to meet
the bachelorettes?

Uh, I guess so.

Ladies.

Hi. I'm Sierra.

I'm 20.

I have a combined
S.A.T. Score of 675.

And I want to be
your egg donor-surrogate

because, although I'm not ready
to start a family of my own,

I want to put
as many versions of myself

on the planet as I possibly can.

Hi! I'm Dee Dee
from San Pedro.

I'm 27 years old.

I love outdoor sports,
and I'm your dream surrogate

because I've given birth
to nine healthy babies.

And it's my personal mission
to have children

for bourgeois narcissists
who can't conceive on their own.

Hi.

I'm Lindsay.

I've got a degree
in Applied Science from Yale,

a Masters from M.I.T. And $60,000
of school loans to repay.

I'm hoping you pick me
so I won't have to resort

to more obvious forms
of prostitution to get out of debt.

So, have you found her?

I can't do this, Keith.
I'm sorry.

I can't just rent out some woman's
uterus like it's a storage locker.

Okay.

Hi, guys!

Daddy got us
a GameCube!

- You could say hello!
- Hi.

Share with your brother,
Julio!

You're spoiling them.

Can you take them tomorrow
for a couple of hours?

I can't.
It's Nate's wedding.

Oh, that's right.
I forgot.

Who are you bringing?

No one.
You want to come?

No, thank you.
I'm happy for Nate,

but I have a week
of errands to do.

- You should bring a real date.
- To a wedding?

- Isn't that weird?
- You should bring someone

so it won't be boring.

What happened
with that makeup artist Dana?

She sounded nice.

Yeah, she was too...
I don't know, cheerful or something.

Nobody's perfect. You have to
give people a chance to grow on you.

Yeah.

Don't take this
the wrong way, but...

no one's you.

That's sweet,
but I was never me either.

- Yes, you were...
- No, if you were this picky

when we were going out,

you never would have
married me.

You just have to find someone
you like and be nice to them.

Is that how it is
with Kenny?

Oh. That didn't work out.

Really? What happened?

Ugh, he's a pig.
I don't even want to talk about it.

But I'm too busy
for all that now.

It's okay for me. I don't need
someone as much as you do.

Oh really?

It's not a bad thing, Rico.

You're just...

a person who does better
with someone.

So tomorrow,
while I'm at the wedding

I'm going to have a home aide
come stay with you

so you won't be alone,
all right?

- Whose wedding?
- Nate's. My son.

I know who Nate is.

Who is he marrying?

Brenda... his girlfriend?

Oh.

Oh! That's wonderful!

Of course I'll be there.

This is an important
passage for Nate

from being a widower
to starting again as a householder.

- I want to support him.
- If you don't think

it's too much for you.

Too much?
My only son is getting married!

Well, why don't we see
how you feel tomorrow?

I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

The splendid young man
who came to the throne in 1509,

by 1547 had become a revolting
swollen mass of putrefying flesh.

You want the Vicodin
or some Naproxen?

- Vicodin please.
- All right.

Here.

Cramps are pretty bad, huh?

I just want to get
a whole lot number.

God, this is
so not the vision

I had of the night
before my wedding.

Where is the stripper?

It would be so easy to postpone this
for a couple of weeks.

It would not be easy.

And it would cost a fortune.

So what?
It's just money.

I'd rather not even
have a wedding

than have to deal
with rescheduling everything.

Yeah. Yeah.

Let's just...
we can run off to Vegas.

- Yeah right.
- Come on, you loved that idea.

That was before I spent
six months planning

my stupid fucking dream wedding.

That's why I think
we should reschedule.

It's only going
to be depressing.

- For you?
- Yeah, for me!

And it's going to be depressing
for you too, I think.

It's not as depressing
as calling 100 people

and telling them
that it's canceled

because I lost
my fucking baby,

which I just told
the whole world I was having.

Why did you let me
tell so many fucking people?

I just...
I don't think that you...

I don't think you realize
how upset you are.

Don't tell me how I feel!
I think I know how upset I am!

Then why are we going
through with this?

Because when I think
about not doing it,

I want to throw myself
under a bus.

I want to swallow razor blades.

I'm gonna have to take
every painkiller in the house

just so I could pick up
the phone and cancel the caterer.

Then fuck it!

Let's get married.

Okay?

It will be a great day.

Yeah.

You can have
one of my Vicodin if you want.

Thank you.

Just make sure you leave
enough for tomorrow.

...which meant
that he constantly stank

of his own rotting flesh.

Oh God.

Are these big granny-panties
your "something old"?

Because they really
kill the mood.

You can't see them
through the dress, can you?

No, but they're hideous, sweetie.

Would it kill you
to wear a thong?

These are fine.

What's the matter?

Nothing's the matter.

I just don't want
to wear a thong.

Did something happen?
Is it the baby?

What is it?
What happened?

Oh, baby.

I don't want to fuck up
my makeup.

Oh, honey. We'll clean you up
with a good powder.

I've got Chanel
in my purse.

I don't want to be late.

You don't have to worry about
everything going right anymore.

That boat has sailed.

You know it happens
all the time.

So many of my friends...

Joanie, Celia, Aunt Mary
before she had Deb.

Even Teresa Heinz Kerry had one.

And God knows,
she looks terrific.

- Aunt Mary did?
- I'm telling you,

more women have miscarried

than they have
masturbated with a dildo.

They just don't talk about it.

And then
they have a baby,

and then they're fine,
sweetie.

I'd better change
this fucking pad.

If I get blood on this dress
I'm gonna kill myself.

- I'm so sorry, Nate.
- Yeah, well...

Just don't tell anybody,
all right?

We want to keep today
kind of nice, you know?

Are you going
to try again?

Yeah, of course,
as soon as we can.

- You might want to give it some time.
- No no no.

I don't want to wait.

No, I mean, to grieve.

With all the fucked up shit
that's happened in my life,

I don't want to grieve anymore.
I can't.

I can't!
I don't have it in me.

Well, maybe Brenda needs to...

What Brenda needs to do
is get pregnant again. Soon.

'Cause it's not like she's 20.

Yeah, but...

with all the stuff
Keith and I have been reading,

it seems psychological stress
can affect a woman's chances...

It's the only thing
that's gonna make her feel better!

Why should I wait?
Why put it off?

Because bad shit happened
and we need to feel bad?

Bad shit happens every day.

You of all people
should know that.

Move fucking on,
you know?

Anyway, I've already got Maya
so it's not for me.

But it'll be your child,
your flesh and blood.

- How could it not be for you?
- Because it's what Brenda wants

more than anything,
and I can make that happen for her.

Listen, the Justice
of the Peace is here.

I take you, Nate,

with all your strengths
and faults

as I offer myself to you

with all my strengths
and faults.

From this day forward,

I will be there
when you need help

and turn to you

when I need help.

I promise myself
to you forever.

I vow to trust,

to honor
and to cherish,

to share and support
your hopes,

your thoughts
and your dreams

as long as we both
shall live.

By the power vested in me
from the State of California,

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

So is it weird to see
Brenda get married?

"Weird"?

No, it's great.

I mean, because you guys
used to be so close?

I'm really happy.

I'm happy we're both
in healthy relationships.

With siblings.

Hmm?

It's funny how you both ended up
with another set of siblings.

Yeah, yeah.

It's funny that
you and Nate did too.

God, what do you
think it means?

- It was a nice ceremony.
- It was.

You got a little choked up,
didn't you?

Yeah.

I love weddings.

Don't you?

Sure. If it's right.

The last one I went to,
the people hated each other,

- so it was depressing.
- God damn it!

It's so frustrating
to not be able to help her!

But you did help her.

You helped her as much as anyone
could under the circumstances.

I don't know.
I really believe in marriage.

A lot of guys today don't even know
how to make a commitment,

but I was married 11 years.

I'm the kind of person
who's better with someone.

Someone special, I mean.

That's sweet.

They couldn't have picked
a prettier location.

It looks beautiful.

- All right, that's enough of that one.
- All right.

Lovely! A family portrait
with two new Fishers.

Oh.

- Okay, what's next?
- How about Mom and George?

Okay, I'm just
gonna freshen up.

Okay, Mom. You guys wanna
get over here in the light?

- Let me take that glass.
- Mom, it's fine.

Oh.

Sorry.

- What are you doing?
- What?

Have a little respect!

Oh my God.

It's not funny!

Oh my.

May I have some
seltzer please, no ice?

Yes, ma'am.

- Mom, are you okay?
- I'm fine.

- What happened with Claire?
- She's in such a terrible phase.

She's so out of control
in her life,

she doesn't care about
anyone else's feelings.

- What did she do?
- She took a rude picture of George

in an extremely compromised state.
There's ice in this.

- Sorry.
- I'm sure she didn't mean it that way.

She's always trying
to make some statement!

Yes, this is her way
of saying I'm the fool

who has to take care
of a crazy person

for the rest of my life!

I don't think
she was trying to say that.

I don't need a photograph.

I don't need to have
my face shoved in it.

Mom, we'll get you some help,
a nurse or something.

God! No!

I'm still the one who has to be there
all day and every night.

- Why do you...?
- Because there's no one else!

Excuse me, dear.

I have to clean the stain
on his jacket before it sets.

Oh, thank you.

Who's the third one for?

That's to put
under our pillow.

So who do you dream of
if you're already married?

You dream of a future love.

You mean
our second husbands?

No. We could dream
of our child.

Or just get frosting
in our ears.

I think we should go forward
with the surrogate.

Really? Why?

Because you want
your own child.

And...

I don't want to be the one
who denies you that.

I want to be the one who helps you
to have what you want.

What about the kids
who need homes?

We can do both.
I think we should do both.

One of each?

Which one comes first?

Whichever shows up first.

What if they both show up
at the same time?

Then we'll be really busy.

You're serious.

Mm-hm.

All right then.

You don't have to worry about it
being like my wedding.

I had a three-month-old baby
when I got married,

so it was a much
happier event, obviously.

Really joyful.

It all came
very naturally to me.

But I was always maternal,
unlike you.

I'm fucking maternal.

Oh, come on.
Look at your past.

What about my past?

You're a slutbag!
You were.

- That's got nothing to do with it.
- Of course it does.

All the moments of your life
have led to this one.

- You're being punished.
- I don't believe in that.

Your insides must have gotten damaged
from all that anonymous cock.

Oh, come on. That's why
this happened to you.

Look at that
nice woman over there.

She's got her baby.

Everybody treated her like a princess
for the whole nine months.

There's a pregnant goddess,
due in six weeks.

She has two at home.

She doesn't know it yet,
but she's pregnant.

She wasn't even trying!

Boy, is she going
to be thrilled. Twins!

They'll be here in June.

I'm gonna get my baby,
you bitch.

I got pregnant
the fourth time I tried.

I didn't have to try.

But I never partied
like you did.

Whew!

It's a miracle
you even conceived!

A lot of women
have miscarriages!

They don't talk about it
so people don't realize.

None of the women
at this wedding have.

Except you, of course.

You're just bitter because you had to
get pregnant to get Nate to marry you.

I'm bitter? Who's drunk
and yelling at a dead woman?

And she might not
even be his daughter!

You were having an affair
with your sister's husband!

That was purely
a spiritual thing.

Nate is Maya's father.

He's my husband,
and he always will be.

You will never feel his arms
around you again.

You'll never feel
the air on your skin,

or wake up in a warm bed.

You're done.

You don't get the chance
to try again for anything.

- So what?
- So I can.

Oh, please.

Every time you try
to have a nice normal life,

you fuck it up.

You're never going to have
your happily-ever-after moment,

no matter how many
white veils you put on.

You're just too fucked up
for all that.

Maybe you should
just accept that,

instead of trying to be
something you're not.

Hey.

Are you okay?

- Bren?
- You were right.

I should never have tried
to have this stupid day,

this idiotic tent,
the dumb-ass wedding band.

- It's such a fucking cliche.
- Hey...

Just to prove that I deserve
my own special fucking day,

which I don't.

Brenda,
the only reason...

- the only reason why l...
- No, come on!

You knew. It was a pathetic attempt
to become something I'm not...

- that we're not.
- I thought you might be

too upset to enjoy the day.

But it's so perfect this way!
It's so perfect.

The only way that I get to
get married in a long white gown

is to have my dead baby
leaking out of me all day.

That's me. That's what I get
for my wedding.

You're really upset,
maybe you shouldn't be drinking.

Are you kidding me?

This glass of champagne is
the only thing in my universe right now.

You have me.

You don't really fucking want me.

Not that I blame you.

Who would?

I do.

Well then,
you're a very disturbed person.

Maybe.

Don't be nice to me!

What do you want me to do?

- Do you want me to hit you?
- Yes!

That would feel
fucking fantastic!

Come here.

Oh.

Oh...

I thought you were
going to hit me.

No. I'm disturbed,
I'm not violent.

You were when you threw
your ring at me.

Oh, memories.

I'm glad today sucked...

'cause I wouldn't want
the happiest day of our life

to be over already,
would you?

No.

It's coming, right?
It's coming.

It fucking better be.

Brenda?

Oh, I'm sorry.
You can't come in for this.

Can you hold this?