Six Feet Under (2001–2005): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Trap - full transcript

Why didn't you accept
the complimentary map of the trail?

I've done this hike a hundred times before.

You're the one who insisted on
making a left at the last marker.

- Because the other way didn't look like a trail.
- That was the trail!

Fine.

Everything in the entire world is my fault.

Not everything.
Just the fact that we're now totally lost

and I'm totally dehydrated.

If you were so sure about the damn trail,
which you weren't,

then why didn't you...

What is that down there?



I told you there was something.

You never believe me,
you get just like your mother.

- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do. Just be honest for once.

Oh, my God.

Something's moving.

- Somebody's in there. They're trapped.
- No, they're not.

Must have driven off that dirt road up there.

It's been sitting here for years.

Why would they have an accident
and just leave their car to rot?

Maybe because they're still in it.

OK, I'm fading.
I can't even keep my eyes open.

I need to get a cup of coffee.

- You fell asleep on the phone last night.
- I did not!

I was talking for 30 minutes straight



and I was thinking,
"It's so good to get these things out,"

and then...

I'm sorry.

I haven't slept in three nights. I've been
devouring this Camille Claudel biography.

Remember me saying
my brother's getting married on Saturday?

To the woman with no chin.

That's right. So I didn't totally bore you.

I know it's kind of last minute,

but I was thinking
if you weren't doing anything...

I mean, if it wouldn't be
completely painful for you

to come with me...

It's not a date. It sounds like a date.
But it's not.

OK, it's a date. You can be my date.

Sure. I mean...

Why not? Of course I'll go with you.

OK, it got weird, didn't it?

And I did it.

I hate life.

Claire, I really like our friendship

and I would never...

What's with the chitty-chat?

You can focus on your work or you can gossip
like old blind women.

It's your decision.

Finally you draw what you see,
not what you think you see.

I like it.

Claire, you and I should talk.

Look, everything I do sucks today, I know.

This isn't about your work.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

You're not gonna believe this. Olivier asked me
to be his assistant. I start tomorrow.

I don't believe this.

I feel like I just won something.
I never win anything.

Me neither.

I guess any of these would be fine.

Honey, you actually have to pick one.

Chris, how am I supposed to know
what kind of casket Will would want?

He disappeared over 25 years ago and I can
hardly remember how he took his coffee.

I myself like the deluxe Aegean.

It's a little on the high end but it's very calming,

it's like a slow, lulling ride on...

on the Aegean, I guess.

- I need to sit down.
- Take your time.

We know how hard this is for you.

He...

went out for a newspaper one day,

and never came back.

So I figured he'd deserted me.

Which made sense,
because we were one of those horrible...

got married too soon
for all the wrong reasons couples.

Now I find out

he didn't run away at all,

he died in a freak accident.

What am I supposed to do with all these years
of feeling like he deserted us?

Honey, we don't even need to do a funeral.
It's just an empty ritual.

Actually, the closure it provides is
quite powerful

and quite healing.

The strange part is where they found him,
in that canyon.

It was ten miles from where we lived.
What was he doing there?

- Maybe he got lost.
- Right.

Looking for a newspaper on a dirt road
in the middle of nowhere?

Do you think he was seeing someone else?

I have no idea.

He could have been.

Diane, let's make a decision
on the casket and get out of here.

Will was Jewish, so...

The Sampson.

It's plain cedar. Got it.

I can finish out the week, if you need.

Claire, you got another job, go do it.

It's an amazing opportunity

to learn from Olivier Castro-Staal,
maybe help him with his art,

do something meaningful instead of just...
You know?

Fine. I wasn't crazy about you doing pickups
and deliveries anyway.

We have enough actual employees here.

OK. Thanks.

Wait, this is for you.

What's that, a goodbye gift?

It's a box of bones I just picked up
from the coroner. William Jaffe.

Here, catch.

Just kidding.

- I'm not sure this is a good idea.
- It's perfect.

We were saving some by using Claire.

We can save a lot with an apprentice.
I've crunched the numbers.

- You can crunch numbers?
- Of course I can. It's free labour.

We give him a place to live,
he gets credit from mortuary school

and we don't have to pay him bupkiss.

As Mr F used to say. Well?

I don't know, I think this house is
already a little crowded.

You mean with your wife and baby?

I'm just saying that... How do we even know
someone will want the job?

I've got five seniors from Cypress lined up,
dying to interview.

- I think we should do it.
- All right, fine.

Isn't someone going to ask me
how I feel about this?

After all, since none of you actually live here,

I'd be the one who's forced to coexist
with a stranger who could kill me.

She's right. It's not fair to her.

Mrs F, we can save up to $10,000 a year,
according to my projections.

I don't want loud rock music in this house.

No rock music. Got it.

So you guys wanna
look at the resumes they faxed over?

Are you kidding? I'm dying to.

Mom, you don't have to be a martyr.

It's for you. You need to make more money
now that Lisa's a stay-at-home.

- A what?
- A stay-at-home mother.

They're called that now,

like you have some bracelet on your foot
that will ring if you leave your house.

- Lisa's going back to work.
- Of course.

When Maya goes to kindergarten.

- Why are you holding a mousetrap?
- I found a box of them.

Remember when we had that infestation?

- Those things are cruel.
- Mice have germs. They deserve to die.

Let's just hope that bad rehearsal
means good show tomorrow.

Good night, everybody.

David.

What? Was my solo awful?

No, no, it's...

it's good.

It is.

But I think you need to stop
trying to make it so perfect.

Just try to be more relaxed with it.

See you tomorrow night.

We're going out for a drink.
It's only gonna be...

A drink, yes, absolutely.

Dennis can kiss my lily-white ass.

It's not like it's the Met.

Hey, he's just trying to...

I mean, your solo is a little...

- What?
- It's prissy.

It's like a little girl's doll house.

It's like a kitty-cat greeting card.

Like a poofy white cutesy-pie.

Thanks, Terry, I get the point. God.

I was just trying to make it sound pretty.

That's the point, dear-don't.

Just sing from someplace real.

God, when did I become 400 years old?

On your last birthday.

Not that you would remember anything.

He was trying to convince this guy
that he used to be in Cirque du Soleil.

Show him the
"coming down from a trapeze" look.

I have to go to the bathroom.
I'll get a check so we can get out of here.

He is obsessed with trading spaces.
We're lucky we got him this long.

Look, I know I'm not supposed to
say anything but I will.

I feel weird not acknowledging it.

- What?
- You know.

It. How we know each other.

- From chorus?
- Fine, just pretend. Whatever.

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- From the bathroom at Sears.

It was about seven, eight years ago?

You jerked me off.

The second stall.
The security guy almost caught us.

You're confusing me with someone else.

Come on.

You checked me out in automotive supplies,
I followed you into home appliances.

- We met in the second-floor john...
- This wasn't me.

Please.

Fine, be that way.

Is that enough? Do you need more?

I think 40 is too much.

So, David, is your boyfriend
coming to the concert?

Yeah, he's supposed to.

I can't wait to meet him.

Goddammit.

Aren't there instructions?

A page of hieroglyphics
showing nothing that came in this box.

What are you doing?

I'm circling problem purchases on the Visa bill.

Problem purchases?

Things we've bought that maybe
we didn't need or could buy less of.

You mean things I bought.

Are the smiley faces good purchases?

No, I was just doodling.

I don't see why these are problem purchases.
This is lunch with David. I had to eat.

You didn't have to spend $55.
What did you have?

A couple of sandwiches.

This country's insane.

You dropped $80 at Book Soup.
I guess you haven't heard of libraries.

- Libraries are depressing.
- Nate...

you're not single any more,
you can't keep spending like you are.

I'll try to cut down.

Until you get back to work.

Actually, I'm holding off looking for another job.

Really? For how long?

I don't know. We'll see.

Because my mom seems to think
it's until Maya starts kindergarten.

This is not a decision you can make
without me.

That was a late rehearsal.

Yeah, we just...

The concert's tomorrow night, so...

What time should I be there?

7:30?

I don't get off until nine at the earliest.

You can't make it?

David, I did everything I could
to change my schedule.

I understand. You can come to the next one.

Boy, just twist the knife in deeper.

- I oughta talk to Frank about this.
- You really don't have to come.

It's not a big deal, I'm not angry.

Really?

Thank you

for being so aware that this isn't about you.

We really are making progress.

This is really fucked up.
Missing your concert for this lame-ass job.

- I should just call in sick.
- No, don't.

How did my life become so meaningless?

I used to make a difference.

I used to protect people's lives.
Now I just protect their stuff.

I give you some meaning, don't I?
You give me meaning.

Of course.

But we can't be everything for each other,
that's just not possible.

I'll be done in a few minutes, Arthur,
you're a little early.

I was a lot early,
so I walked around the block for a while.

An elderly woman who was almost
completely bald told me to get off her lawn.

- May I ask you a personal question?
- You can ask.

Why did you choose me
over the other applicants?

I'm looking to improve my interview skills.

Fair enough.

It was between you and Judy Lindeman.

We just thought you would fit here better.

- Based on?
- Well...

There was something in the way
you talked about your grandmother.

My great-aunt Pearl.

She was a very special woman.

I barely knew my parents.
They burned to death in a fire when I was five.

- I'm sorry.
- Aunt Pearl gave up everything for me.

- She home-schooled me.
- Yeah.

You seem a little home-schooled.

Ah, shit.

These collagen lips are such a bitch.

I'm guessing Aunt Pearl didn't like cussing.

Not one bit. She would've tarred me
for that language.

Rico, have you...?

Mrs F, this is Arthur Martin,
our new apprentice.

Excuse me. Have you seen Nate?
Lisa's looking for him.

That'll be 62.90.

There you go.

I have to talk to my manager.

I need credit approval.

This CD is so great for taking diet pills
and cleaning your bathroom.

What are you doing?

Do you even listen to me when I talk
or do you just hear static?

- I'm...
- How do you expect Maya to go to college?

You're throwing everything we have away
for fucking Beck?

Just sign here, please.

You know what? I don't want these,
I changed my mind.

Can we just cancel this purchase?

Come on, Claire,
the early worm catches things.

- Where's your studio?
- My house. Why's that your business?

- Isn't that where we're going?
- We're going to the Century City mall.

- The mall?
- Best mall in the world.

I used to like Livingston Mall

but Bamberger's went out of business
and it all went to hell.

You need an assistant to shop?

I need an assistant to drive me.

My licence was taken away by fascists.

I don't know why I'm always persecuted
but it's always been so.

- So I'm your driver?
- Yes.

Can we go now?
Brentano's are having a sale.

And if I ever catch you with
my toothbrush again, you're dead meat.

This is my brother, Nate.
Nate, this is Tom Jaffe.

- William Jaffe's son.
- I didn't realise he had a...

Look, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I was only a few months old when he...

When it happened.

I never even knew him.

Tom was dropping off
some of his father's belongings.

Seems strange
considering that there's no real body.

In situations like your father's, it helps
the family to put his belongings to rest also.

I hope this'll do.

Was your father a little person?

No, this was the only suit of his
that my mother could find.

It was in some box his family had.

It's from his Bar Mitzvah.

And there's this. It was in the same box.
It either belonged to him or my uncle.

My mother thinks she remembers
my father liking Blue Bayou.

I'm gonna get fired if I'm not back by two,
so if that's all...

Yes. We'll see you tomorrow at the funeral.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know.

Can you imagine being so calm
about your father's death?

He probably thinks of his stepfather
as his real father. As he should.

He doesn't know anything about his dad,
not a thing,

whether he even liked Linda Ronstadt.

Do you know if our dad liked Linda Ronstadt?

As a matter of fact I do.

In his record collection there was
a copy of a Heart Like A Wheel.

Here are the teacups.
And these are dinner plates.

Those up there are for casseroles.

And these are the cereal bowls.

Please feel free to use any of the dishes.

Is there one I shouldn't use?

Silly. That one was David's special yellow bowl.

He got upset when anyone else used it.
I'm sure he won't mind any more.

Let's not take the chance.
We'll keep it out of rotation.

Thank you.

Now, you see the chart I made?

Each meal time is divided into two shifts,

one for each of us.

So we never have to suffer the awkwardness of
eating at the same time.

Thank you. That's very thoughtful.

We just sign up each day for the one we want.

So my dinner can be from six to seven

or from seven to eight.

Exactly. Which do you want tonight?

I'll take seven.

Actually, I'll take six.

Oh, good. I had a late lunch.

Just use that pen there to initial it.

Of course, other people also use the kitchen.

If you want to make a schedule with them,
feel free to use my system.

Laundry facilities are in here.

Sunday nights are off limits.
I'm sorry but that's when I do my linen.

Yes, ma'am. I understand completely.

I should make a note about
not aiming the shower at that tile.

No need. It's all in the little booklet
that's hanging by the sink.

What a lovely room.

Such warm light.

It does the trick.

"Second drawer sticks

"unless you lift as you pull."

Thank you. That's very kind.

All right. That's the end of the tour.

- You're on your own now.
- Thank you.

Nate.

Oh, my God.

- What are you doing here?
- I shoulda called first.

I was afraid you'd...

I need to talk to you.

It won't take long.

I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

I don't know. I've got a lot of errands today.

Can I come with you?

Please.

It seems like I just got this smog-checked
last month.

I called you when I first got back into town.

Couple of months ago.

I hung up when you answered.

I just wanted to make sure that you were alive.

I'm sorry.

After everything we went through,

to not even know if you're alive, that's...

sad.

But apparently your surgery
was a success, right?

Yeah.

Well, the AVM ruptured in the middle of it
and all hell broke loose

but they fixed it.

Thank God.

Use your fucking signal, woman!

You can go up my ass.

Claire.

I once had an affair
with an older, married woman.

Her name was Astra.

That means star. Did you know that?

Have you ever committed infidelity?

No, not yet. But someday, hopefully.

Infidelity is not funny, Claire. It's tragic.
All betrayal is tragic.

I was 21 when we first met.
The radio was playing.

I Wear My Sunglasses At Night.

Such an insipid song.

But now it always makes my heart feel...

squished.

She's beautiful.

She's the best fucking thing
that ever happened to me.

So what's gone on with you?

Went to Santa Fe for a while.
I was in Austin, Texas.

Couple of weeks in Tahoe, but I really hated it.

What were you doing there?

Just trying to find a place
to make me feel better.

- Are you still living in Venice?
- I'm staying at my mom's.

How's that?

It's the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life.

Bad news, your car didn't pass.

- I can fix it but I'll need about half an hour.
- All right.

Totally fucks up my whole afternoon.

You know, I saw a place up the street.
We could get a drink.

So what's your life like?

You're married, a father...

It's great.

It's really great.

I'm glad.

You so deserve to be happy

after everything you've been through.

I mean, it's hard sometimes.

You know. Relationships aren't easy.

Really?

You just have to work at it every day.

Can't expect everything
to be perfect all the time.

Can't get shaken when it isn't.

And if there's a moment
where I feel like I'm in prison

I just have to think about all those moments
when it feels safe

and remind myself that those moments
outweigh the prison moments.

Being alone is the prison,
just thinking about yourself,

just being trapped in this vortex
of always watching yourself.

Which, I suppose, is OK if you're interesting.

Truth is, nobody's that interesting.

Listen to me.

Let's just talk about movies or something.

I haven't seen a movie in a year.

Anything else?

Just the check.

Ah, fuck.

So, Bren, what's this catching-up session
all about?

I'm not sure.

Actually, I am sure.

This is so difficult.

I apologise...

for having sex with other people
while being in a relationship with you.

For not showing up to our shared reality

by altering my consciousness
with various substances.

But you already apologised.

You're making amends.

- I hate that word.
- Still doing the whole 12-step thing?

I'm doing a lot of different things.

My life is...

complicated right now.

Yeah, well, whose isn't?

No, let me.

Thanks.

I don't even know if she's alive now.

All I know is that, before I met Astra,

I was consumed by this passion to create.

A passion I seem to have lost.

I was never really in love with her.

Of course you were.

You ripped a jasmine bush out of the ground
and put it in her car.

I had just had my first real success
and all eyes were on me.

What was I going to do next? I was a coward.

I focused on another person.

I could have been great.

And so can you.

If you get lonely, have sex.

But if you meet somebody who you think
means something to you, you're doomed.

Car 438, do you receive me?

Yeah, go ahead.

Alarm going off at 5636 Fremont Place.

Got it. I'm on my way.

You're a little late.

Insider job. Must've known
the owners were away.

Got the jewellery upstairs and the cash box
in the library. Real clean.

You boys gonna be OK closing up
by yourselves?

I think we can handle it.

Fucking cops.

Think they're such hot shit.

- Dion Corelli.
- Keith Charles.

You were hoping for some action, right?

- Yeah, I guess so.
- I know that feeling.

How about I buy you a drink?

- Is that comfortable?
- I don't know when I got so clumsy.

I never used to be this way.

- I think it's too tight.
- No, it's fine.

It was so strange. I put my finger right
on that nail when I heard you coming up.

- I'd seen it sticking out of the wall...
- Why didn't you tell me about it?

It was almost like somebody pushed me.

Like some kind of invisible person
wanting to hurt me.

And earlier in the day,
I twisted my ankle coming down the stairs.

I was looking for you. Or something.
It was around four.

- Couldn't find you anywhere.
- I went out for a drink.

With Brenda.

Why?

She showed up. I was running errands,
she came along.

Getting a drink is an errand?

What did she want?

To apologise for being such a crazy bitch
when we were together.

Actually, it was pretty decent of her.

What? Lisa, it was just one beer.

I really don't appreciate finding out about it
after the fact.

It's no big deal but next time,
please tell me first before you go do it.

I'm supposed to ask permission?

No, but you could've said,
"I want you to meet my wife,"

then said you were gonna catch up
with an old girlfriend.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

Relax, guy, the owners are in Antigua,
they're not gonna mind.

- We shouldn't be doing this.
- Come on.

We deserve it.

It's not like we're gonna get caught.

We're the only ones who would catch us.

This is some place.

- I bet the people don't even appreciate it.
- Probably not.

No one appreciates what they have.

Especially the ones who have more of it.

Fucking rich people.

What can you do?

Don't you ever just wanna...

That felt so good.

- What the hell are you doing?
- Let's fuck this place up.

Those idiot cops didn't check in here.

We'll go to town and say the robbers did it.
Let's break some shit.

Teach those rich fuckers a lesson.

- You're crazy.
- Come on, guy. You know you want to.

Cut it out.

Cut it out!

Jesus.

You did a great job tonight, David.

- You were amazing.
- Dennis.

Can I borrow you for five seconds?

This is the part where Patrick makes me
go over every syllable he sang,

describing why each was
so unique and wonderful.

- Hey, Terry.
- Where's your boyfriend?

He had to work.

It was me in the Sears bathroom.

Honey, I know it was you.

I never forget a face.

God, it feels so good to say it.
I don't know why I wouldn't admit it yesterday.

- It just seemed so...
- Sleazy, repressed, not that pretty?

Something like that.

That time for me was so difficult.

I mean... really difficult.

I tried to compartmentalise that part of my life
but you can't.

Sweetie, you don't need to explain it to me.

I don't know why things
have to be so hard.

I think it's because we make them that way.

So...

you ever jerk off anyone else in the chorus?

Of course not.

- You?
- A couple.

So if let you up, no more crazy stuff?

No, sir.

Holy shit, man.

You didn't have to play so hard.

I was just blowing off a little steam.

Get your things and get out of here.

You ever a cop?

Whatever you are,

you got a lot of shit to deal with.

I could always talk to Will
because he was my best buddy.

So my wife said, "Pretend that he's here.

"What would you tell him?"
So I thought I'd give it a try.

So I say, goddamn you, Will, I'm mad at you.

You're not getting bald and flabby
like the rest of us old, married folk.

Yeah, you had the right idea -
cut out while you were in your prime.

Hangover.

- What trouble did you boys get into?
- None. Keith had to work,

I had a concert.

You did? Why didn't you tell anyone?

Next time.

I'm gonna go lie down for a few minutes.

You're glad that you're not like us,
tied to the old ball and chain,

unable to do whatever we want when we want
like you always did.

THE PANIC ROOM

Why do you look so sad?

I won't be gone forever. I'll be back
from Montana in a month or so.

As soon as I can get Marcie out of jail
and into counselling,

which I'm sure she'll resist. Always does.

Does your daughter have
these episodes often?

Pretty often. She's a real nut job.

But what can I do? I'm her mom.
She really needs me.

Oh, God, kids are such a drain.
Really suck you dry if you let 'em.

My kids don't need me. Not at all.

Thank your fucking lucky stars.
Where's that coffee you promised me?

- Can you wait seven minutes?
- Not really.

Bettina, this isn't right. Get up.

- I love spying.
- I don't.

Sure you do. Everyone does.

We're all voyeurs at heart.

We're all dying to see everybody else's
fucked-up, weird, private shit.

I'm gonna miss you so much.
I've had so much fun with you.

I'd never crouch here and spy on Arthur
with anyone else.

Doll, you gotta learn
how to make your own fun.

He's not exactly what I would call eye candy.

"Swallowed my tongue."

And I know that everything that happens
happens for a reason.

I only wish that Will could have
known his son, Tom.

There's so much he could've taught him.

That's a load of bullshit.

You met my kid, he turned out fine.

He didn't need a fuck-up like me
to stick around.

Me driving off the road was the best thing
for everybody.

Seriously, Diane and I had a shit relationship
which totally would've screwed up that kid.

Just like you and Lisa
are gonna screw up Maya.

- Fuck you.
- You just wanna stay in this

to prove what a good guy you can be,
not because you love Lisa.

This isn't just about me.
There are other lives at stake.

Don't give me that shit.
You are so fucking trapped.

Yeah?

Well, who isn't?

The only way not be trapped
is to not have anything.

You look me in the eye and tell me that
sometimes you don't wanna get in your car

and just start driving and never look back.

Come on.

I dare you.

But, of course, he managed to pull off
one big trick -

he made himself disappear for 25 years.

Hi. Didn't you hear me?

No. Sorry, I was totally in my head.

Did you get my message from last night?

- No, I got in really late.
- It's about my brother's wedding.

Get this, there's a rehearsal dinner.

Russell,

maybe it's not such a good idea
for us to, you know, date.

It's so weird that you say that.

It's so weird that you say that
because I was thinking the same thing

and I didn't wanna say it
cos I thought I'd sound crazy,

being the one who started this whole thing.

So you're OK just staying the way we are?

Totally. Totally.

- Yes.
- Great.

I have to give this stuff to Olivier.

I'm sorry. Did I read the chart wrong?
I thought you initialled the late lunch.

I did, I just got hungry. Is that OK?

Of course. I'm glad to have the company.

Would you like a little frittata?

I'd love a little frittata.

I was just fooling around.

I never dreamed it would actually work.

They work. They definitely work.

It's so terrible.

- And it wasn't even my cheese.
- That's OK.

On the other hand, they have germs.

They really do deserve to die.

Are you just waking up?

I was up. Then I went back to sleep again.

- Why are you home for lunch?
- I wanted to see you.

I thought you'd be home last night.
I waited up but I must've fallen asleep.

- What time did you get in?
- Late.

I thought your shift ended at eleven.

It did.

- I drove around. Needed to think.
- About what?

This job was supposed to be temporary

but it's really starting not to feel that way.

Last night I realised I needed to make a move
and do something different.

What made you realise that?

It's just time.

How was your concert?

It was...

It was great. I wish you could've been there.

But I totally understand that you couldn't be.