Six Feet Under (2001–2005): Season 3, Episode 2 - You Never Know - full transcript

Hello? Hello?

- Hi. May I speak with Joe Marti, please?
- Speaking.

- Glad I caught you.
- Is this a sales call?

I wanted to let you know that a
representative from Americatech Windows...

- I'm not interested.
- There's no obligation to buy.

- Look, I said no.
- We're offering interest-free...

Hey. Goodbye, asshole.

Fuckl He's got a gunl

Get down!

Hey, remember me?

Daniel, what the hell... Oh, my God.



- Please. No. Please.
- Fuck you.

Hello?

- This is OK?
- Yeah.

- You sure you're comfortable?
- Aren't you?

- Do you wanna get on top?
- I don't have to. You want me to?

If you want to. But I'm fine like this.

Maya's right there.

- She's not looking.
- I know, but...

- Hi, this is Lisa.
- And Nate.

And Maya. Come on, sweetie.

And we're the Fisher family.
Leave a message.

Hi, Lisa, it's Carol.
Please pick up if you're there.

I don' t know where else you could be.
Both your cars are in my driveway.

Listen, I need muffins.



Corn muffins. I have an intense craving
for miniature corn muffins.

Please! This is my one hour a day to eat carbs.

Shut up!

- Stop ignoring me.
- Don't make her the muffins.

- Don't make her the muffins.
- Hello?

That's great.

David.

David. It's a little early.

Sorry. I wanna make sure I get it right.
Some of the guys in this chorus are so good.

- One of them recorded with Chanticleer.
- You sound great.

- I even dreamed about singing last night.
- You weren't just dreaming.

- Oh, God. Punch me next time.
- I did.

- What happened to your uniform?
- I tore it getting a Frisbee out of a tree.

- Why were you...
- That's what security guards do.

We help people.

- I'm leaving.
- Would you like beef blast pizza rolls?

- I doubt it.
- Me neither.

But with a double coupon it's practically free.

Maybe the boys will like them.

- I may not be home tonight.
- Take a sweater.

You've reached the Fisher family.
Leave a message.

Ruth, are you there?

It's Sarah. I'm just checking up on you.

I know what a drag it is to be out of work.

I thought you might
wanna come up to Topanga for the day.

I could make some of Aunt May's
German potato salad. I know you liked that.

Call me. Bye.

You liked her potato salad. I hated it.

Just... It just never occurs to you...

that a madman will walk
into your husband's office

and suddenly, he's gone.

No, of course not.

And then there's telling the children.

We have two girls.

12 and 16.

What shall I say to them,
to make them feel better?

What?

Well, you could...

- Hello.
- Glad you could make it.

- Nate, this is Dorothy Milne.
- Nate Fisher.

That's my partner.

I'm very sorry about your husband.

I know those are just words.

But we'll work together with you
to give him a fitting tribute.

Thank you.

Everything's already been taken care of.

- We're done.
- OK.

Let me walk you to your car.

I didn't even go to my prom.
If somebody asked me, I'd have freaked out.

I took Nancy Pollard.
She smelled like fried chicken.

- Why?
- I don't know. She just did.

I got a bottle of champagne
with my friend Parker

and we climbed the fence to school
and just sat in the quad

and got drunk
and said good-fucking-bye to high school.

- Nice.
- Then we both started crying.

Why?

I don't know.

I guess we were saying goodbye
to our childhood or whatever.

It just seemed sad.

- Yeah.
- I hated fucking high school.

But still, it was my life and it was all I knew.

It was just over.

- God, could I be any more pathetic?
- You're not pathetic.

- You're just sensitive.
- I know. I'm too sensitive.

No. You're perfect.

What time do you have to get up?

I'm gonna have to get up in three hours.
I haven't done the assignment yet.

- You keep distracting me.
- I do?

Yeah, my hands are
magnetically drawn to your dick.

What is the assignment?

I have to read and critique
some theoretical conceptual bullshit.

They make you take all the boring classes
before they let you do anything cool with clay.

I know exactly how you feel.

- No, you don't.
- That's why I dropped out of music school.

All I wanted to do was write great music.

But they had me studying all this shit
that had nothing to do with anything.

They try to programme your mind
so you're exactly like everyone else.

Don't let them do that to you.
You're too talented.

- You think so?
- What?

You think I like you just cos
you have the softest skin I've ever felt?

I don't know.

You're amazing, Claire.

- Hello, beautiful ladies.
- Good morning.

Thank you for letting me sleep in.

- Does your brother like eggplant?
- I don't know.

I guess.

I figured we could grill some salmon tonight.
I just don't know what else.

- Is that tonight?
- Yes.

- Can we cancel?
- It was your idea.

I know. Sounded good at the time, but...

I see David at work every day. It's not like
I'm dying to spend quality time with Keith.

You wanted David to see Maya.

OK, you're right. We'll do it.

Your Uncle David's coming over.
Won't that be fun?

Yeah. Yeah.

Try it once more. Please.

Try it once more.

Great. Thank you.

- Lisa, you're being careful?
- I'm being very delicate.

Hey, Maya.

- I think you're going too deep.
- Nate, you worry too much.

Just because you deal with people dying.

Sometimes after you clean her ears
she doesn't respond as quickly.

- You think I've injured her?
- No.

Maybe there's some ringing in her ears
after you've cleaned them.

Nate, I know whether my child can hear or not,
and she can hear.

- She's been tested and she can hear.
- Right.

- Your child?
- I didn't mean...

I'm just the father,
but I'm every bit as committed.

- Nate.
- I'm just trying to help.

I need to work.

You've reached the Fisher family.
Please leave a message.

Ruth, it's Sarah.

I am disappointed you didn't call back.

I'll be honest. I was trying
to trick you into coming out here.

I need you.

I hurt my back and I'm all alone...

- What did you do?
- I fell off a ladder.

- Have you seen a doctor?
- He told me to stay in bed.

He gave me a prescription for Vicodin.

What do you need me to do?

Pick it up for me.

Give me the address of the pharmacy.

Oh, Ruth. I knew I could count on you.

- Are you doing this with me?
- Yes.

I can do it myself, David.

I'm sure that's true, but Nate and I
find it's helpful to have two people.

Why? So one of you can sleep late?

And of course we'll place
an obituary notice in the paper.

No.

We'd like to keep this private
and as simple as possible.

You see this kind of thing on TV

and you think,
"Oh, my God, those poor people."

But now it's happening to us
and we have to see it...

every time we turn on.

Thank you.

We knew that Daniel was a troubled boy

but we really thought he was getting better.

Your son isn't the one who did the shooting?

- Yes.
- I'm sorry.

- We can't possibly...
- Imagine what you must be going through.

But you can rest assured
we will do everything we can

to help you through this dark time.

Thank you.

Fisher and Sons has never turned down
a funeral and neither will Fisher and Diaz.

That's great. When Dorothy Milne
is crying over her husband's casket,

I'll tell her you're next door arranging flowers
round the man who killed him.

The services will be on different days.
There will be no conflict.

Come on. I know you like to make a buck
but isn't this going a little far?

That's got nothing to do with it.

The funeral is for the living, not the deceased.

Really? Yeah, I read the same book as you.

Do you think Mr and Mrs Showalter
are in any less pain than Dorothy Milne?

Maybe I don't give a shit.

If they'd raised their kid better
he may not have killed those people.

- Rico, you can't blame them.
- Yes, I can blame them, and I do.

Whether you like it or not, this is your job.
You have to put your feelings aside.

- I need you to pick up his body.
- Fuck you. You pick it up.

I got nothing to do with this.

Hello, I'm Ruth, Sarah's sister.

If you got here five minutes ago
you could have cleaned up her puke.

I'm Bettina. Come on in.

Sarah, your sister's here.

- Ruth.
- My goodness, you look awful.

Bettina, can we have a moment alone?

- Why?
- She's my sister and we need to talk.

What's in the bag?

- It's just...
- Some things I asked her to bring for me.

Lip balm, hair clips, strawberries.

- No...
- Fork it over.

Help me, I'm being held hostage...

Shut your mouth or I'll goddamn tape it shut!

- Goodness, what's going on?
- Ruth, please!

Do I have to carry you back to bed
or are you gonna walk by yourself?

Bitch.

- Give me the bag.
- It's her Vicodin. She has a prescription.

Of course. She has Vicodin prescriptions
in half the pharmacies in LA.

Your sister's into her second day of withdrawal.

She begged me to make sure
she got through it. No matter what.

Fuck that. I was high.

I'm sorry, Keith,
I'm having problems at the morgue.

- Why didn't you call before?
- I didn't know it'd take so long.

- I'm sorry.
- Fine. Whatever.

I'll see you tonight.

He can't make it.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.

You don't need to leave. You and I can talk.

- We can do that?
- Sure. Why not?

Tell me about that phone call.
How did it make you feel?

Pissed off. But I'm working
on my anger management technique.

- I'm taking a lot of deep breaths.
- That's good.

Have you been feeling a lot of anger
toward David?

I've been giving myself so many damn
time-outs, I haven't been feeling anything.

Maybe this is a good time
to let some of that anger out.

I'm fine.

Pretend David's sitting there next to you.
What do you wanna say to him?

Anything that comes to mind.

Relax. Stop trying so hard.
You're making me nervous.

What other things would you like to tell him
that you don't like about him?

I hate your stupid little buckwheat pillow.

And I hate your nose spray.

I hate the way you eat. You put your fork down
after every bite like you're some prince.

I hate the way you want to sleep
with your head on my shoulder.

Your head is heavy.

I hate the way you make me feel like my father
by letting me walk all over you.

What?

I always thought by being gay
I'd avoid fucking my mother

but I guess that's not the case.

Have you thought
about seeing a therapist on your own?

- This is great.
- It's my polenta. You like it?

- It's delicious.
- Thank you.

- Hello.
- Hi. It's Carol.

- Hello.
- Lisa.

I'm at Mark and Pam's place in the mountains.
Their cook knows nothing.

- Walk them through your basil vinaigrette.
- Right now?

Yes. The salad's waiting.

- What?
- I gotta deal with this.

- Go ahead. I'll start the grill.
- I still have laundry to do.

I'll do it. Go.

- Lisa?
- Hey, Lise.

- Lisal
- I'm sorry about this morning.

- Me too.
- Are you still there?

I worry about Maya.
I get scared something will go wrong.

- Nothing's gonna go wrong.
- Salad dressing.

I know. Maya has the best mom in the world.

Hello?

I need dressing.

I mean, Gabe was definitely exciting.

In kind of a sick way. But I think Phil's
the only guy who's ever really understood me.

That's cool. Not even my imaginary friends
understand me.

Maybe they do, they just don't like me.

- You need better imaginary friends.
- They're the best I can do.

So what do you really like about this guy?

I don't know. He's sweet.

- He's hot.
- Nice.

- He's got his own band.
- It's Keanu Reeves.

Exactly.

You know what... Come on, Claire,
those are superficial things.

And you seem anything but superficial.
What do you really like about him?

Well, I like the way he treats me.

You know, he makes me feel good.

Like I'm kind of OK.

Like I'm smart and talented and pretty.

Uh-oh. I'm totally embarrassed now.

No. Women tell me
this kind of thing all the time.

I'm the guy who listens.

Yeah, you do listen.

That's really nice about you.

- I really like talking to you.
- I like listening to you.

I hope it could go both ways. If you're dating
anyone, you can totally talk to me.

Thanks, but no, I'm not dating. No dating.

I think I'm kind of allergic.

I start itching
and I swell up and bleed profusely.

No, it sounds really nice
having somebody in your life

that makes you hate yourself less.

- I could use that.
- Come on. I mean, you're great.

- I wasn't fishing.
- I'm serious, Russell. I think you're great.

Tell me that when it's two in the morning
and I'm laying in bed

and I'm eating my fourth bowl of cereal

and I'm beating myself up for some stupid thing
I said in eighth grade.

- What kind of cereal?
- Captain Crunch.

My God. I think we're twins.

This whole "Oops, I'm pregnant" thing
still sounds kind of suspicious to me.

I'm just surprised he married her.

If Nate's happy, that's all I care about.

You're still mad at me?
I'm really sorry I missed therapy.

No. I was happy you weren't there.
Frank was too.

Frank loves me.

Yeah, but he thinks
you got a lot of work to do on yourself.

That's so not true.
Maybe it's true but he'd never say that.

Did you talk about me the whole time?

After we decided you were
a hopeless passive-aggressive guilt sponge

and we decided to move on
to more important things.

God, I'm never gonna miss therapy again.

I bet you won't, bitch.

Well, hello.

- Hey, Nate.
- Hey, Dave. How are you?

- Hey, guys.
- Keith, good to see you.

I used to burn the fuck out of everything
until I discovered the miracle of low, even heat.

The secret is mesquite wood chips.
Do you use mesquite?

That's just a gimmick. It's the marinade
that makes all the difference.

- I just like wearing the apron.
- Nate.

Where did you put her blue blankie?
She can't sleep without it.

- I didn't put it anywhere.
- I couldn't find it.

- Did you give her Mr Fat Fanny?
- He's in her sweet little hands.

All right.

I think we're ready.

Good. Let me go wash up.
Where's your little boys' room?

The bathroom is in the back
behind the kitchen.

Don't flush the toilet.
We don't wanna wake Maya.

So how's the choir going?

Well, it's not a choir, it's a chorus,
but it's going well.

Great. Can't wait to hear you.

- No eggplant for me.
- I'll take his.

- Want mozzarella?
- Yes.

- Great.
- I'll go.

- What did I miss?
- You woke the baby.

- It wasn't asleep.
- Yes, it was.

It wasn't. It looked at me when I went in.

- I told him not to flush.
- David said he had that irritable bowel thing.

- Why did you tell him that?
- It just came up.

Please, don't discuss my private stuff.

- I'm sorry.
- We'll never get her back to sleep.

- By the way, I only peed.
- You shouldn't have flushed.

- It wasn't asleep.
- Maya, row the boat ashore

Hallelujah

Maya, row the boat ashore

Hallelujah

My brothers and sisters are all aboard

That song has never
sounded so creepy before.

- My brothers and sisters are all aboard
- I know.

- Hallelujah
- My goodness.

You gotta be kidding me.

- What's he doing here?
- Wasn't my idea.

Look at you in your fancy fucking suit.

- I knew I never should have hired you.
- You shouldn't have fired me.

- You were a fuck-up.
- Jesus.

Could you have made the hole a little bigger?

Why can't you guys
shoot yourselves in the heart?

Maybe I was trying to make a statement.

Besides, it's really not my problem.

Oh, yeah. Nothing's your problem.

- Blow me, dead man.
- He had a wife and kids, asshole.

- Lucky him. I didn't have shit.
- Whose fault is that?

You couldn't show up to work on time.

Maybe if you hadn't been such a prick.

It's because of people like you
that I had to do this.

What are you saying? This is my fault?

I'm just saying a guy can only take so much
before he snaps.

Hey. We all have to deal
with a lot of shit, all right?

But when I snap I throw something
or punch a wall.

I don't pick up a shotgun
and start killing people.

Yeah. So far.

God, it feels so good to sit here
and do absolutely nothing.

We relax all the time. We have to.

How do you like your new job, Keith?

Well, it pretty much sucks.

It's temporary. We're both going through
a lot of changes right now.

- All good, though.
- How's the therapy going?

Good. We're not fighting so much.

We never really fought that much
but we're getting along much better.

- Nate and I never fight.
- Never?

- No.
- You two have never had a fight?

- Not really.
- I don't know how you do it.

We've known each other for so long,
I guess we just understand each other.

Even so, I would think having a baby
adds so much stress.

No, having a baby
helps put everything in perspective.

- You'll see when you have kids.
- If we have kids.

Knock, knock. Look, a party.

Hello, I'm Carol, Lisa's boss.

- Keith.
- I'm David Fisher.

- This is my house.
- You're back early.

There's nothing to do in the mountains.

I mean, fresh air's such a big deal.

- At least no one parks in my driveway there.
- Should we move?

Lisa, I would love some cinnamon toast
and a cup of tea.

- Could you wait just a little bit?
- You would not believe the day I've had.

- Who is my most bitter enemy in the world?
- Should we go?

- We're having a little get-together.
- Melissa Gilbert.

And who opens the door at Mark and Pam's
house? That's right. Melissa Gilbert.

It was like staring at evil itself.

- Carol, you're not listening to me.
- I heard you. You're having a party.

They've had you all day. I need you right now.

Bring my toast up to my bath
and I'll tell you how I made Melissa cry.

Go ahead, we're fine.

Can you believe Lisa? Her self-perception
is so far removed from reality.

Keith, what were you talking about in there?

- If we have kids?
- Just what I said.

If we have kids.

We decided a long time ago
that we'd have kids. When did this change?

Who are you kidding? We're in therapy
to see if we can exist as a couple.

- Everything about us is if.
- That shouldn't change our goals.

I'm just being realistic.

I don't wanna put myself in a situation
where I end up turning into my father.

I guess I'm a little more optimistic
about our future than you are.

Get real. You and I are living day to day
and you know it.

God, I'm freezing.

God, this sucks. I'm dying.

- It'll pass.
- Give me a Klonopin.

You wanted to do this natural.
I already gave you the valerian root.

- They're not doing shit to me.
- She's impossible.

- Now get me an Ambien.
- Sarah, really.

- It'll put her to sleep.
- Anything to shut her up.

- I'm burning up.
- A moment ago you were freezing.

Now I'm burning up.

- Now what?
- Diarrhoea.

This is what playing with drugs will get you.
It's not pretty, is it?

- Is Carol all tucked in?
- After eight slices of toast and a Popsicle.

- It was nice seeing David and Keith tonight.
- Yeah.

- I feel so sorry for them.
- How come?

They've been together such a short time
and already they need counselling.

- They're just...
- Why do they stay together?

- It's not like they have a kid.
- I don't know.

Maybe they love each other.

What?

- What detergent did you use?
- I don't know. Whatever was there.

- It smells like Tide.
- So I guess I used the Tide.

You have to use the Dreft.
Maya gets a rash from anything else.

- But these aren't Maya's clothes.
- But I hold Maya all day long.

Why do we have Tide? Sorry
I wasn't following you around taking notes.

Don't get mad.
I thought you knew to use Dreft.

Obviously I didn't. Now I do. Are we OK here?

Yeah, we're OK. I just have to wash it again.

No, you don't. Here.

Put those down. Here. I'll do it.

Thank you.

Good afternoon.

- Is he...
- He's right in there.

Mr and Mrs Showalter,
I will be here the entire time.

Please let me know
if there's anything at all I can do for you.

Is that another son?

- I hope you frisked him.
- Please try to show a little sensitivity.

Hey, I did my job. I cleaned him up all nice.

Sure, I was tempted to maybe leave
a hand or a foot unembalmed,

so he could stink like he should, but no.

- I'm a professional.
- Then act like one.

These people loved this man.

They didn't know him as a murderer,
they knew him as their son, their brother.

These people were responsible for him.
They should have known...

Jesus Christ, Federico. I'm getting sick
of all this moral superiority.

- Everything is so black and white for you.
- You know what? I just...

You can't ever really know a person. If you
think you can, you're living in a dream world.

I made egg salad.

Jolts of electricity are shooting
through my body.

They're tearing me apart.

Then Bettina and I will eat.

Maybe I'll have a little.

So how long have you
been taking the Vicodin?

I don't know.

On and off for years.

Why?

Because somewhere along the line
I started to realise...

I was no longer the youngest
or prettiest girl in the room.

For a while I satisfied myself

with being the most intriguing.

But eventually
I just became the one in paisley.

It's too fucking depressing.

Sorry, but you know
you're much more than that.

Yeah. You're a drug addict.

- I need to spice this up a little.
- Tell me what you want.

- No...
- Sit down.

- I need spices.
- Where is it?

- In the kitchen.
- Where is the Vicodin?

- I don't know what...
- We found your stash in the laundry room.

- Where else? The spice rack?
- You're being ridiculous.

- Let me go.
- Where's the Vicodin?

- You're hurting me.
- Where? Where?

Where?

In the coriander jar, you pig-fucker.

Your lies aren't helping, dear.

Here. Ruth and I are gonna go outside
and get some air.

- What are you doing?
- You don't think I'm just gonna leave you?

You can't tie me up.

It's for your own good.

Do you want me to break this arm?
Because I will.

Yeah. That should hold.

I hope the coyotes eat you!

So do I!

I don't know how you remain so calm.

I took a Vicodin.

- Not really?
- Yeah.

I figured if there was ever a time...

- You want one?
- No, thank you.

I'll kill you both, I swear I will!

Well, maybe half.

Help!

- I think there's some meatloaf in here.
- OK.

- Hey.
- Hi.

You're Phil, right, the crematory guy?

Yeah. Hey, Nate.

- What?
- Nothing.

Mom called. She's spending another night
at Aunt Sarah's.

Cool.

- We're gonna stay here, then.
- Sure.

Also there's a couple of death certificates
you could pick up tomorrow.

Where?

One's in a nursing home and the other,
I think, is also in a nursing home.

I hate those places.
So many old people that wanna touch my hair.

- Sometimes animals are that way.
- He gets on better with people.

OK. And he likes people. And they like him.

So he said, "Don't worry, Mum,
I'm gonna be just fine. "

Hey, Lise.

No, I'll probably just grab a sandwich here.

I'll probably leave in about an hour.
I've still got a bunch of shit to do.

I love you too. Give Maya a kiss from me. Bye.

We're considering getting him a girlfriend.

He's had a number of girlfriends.

- Nate's the one who just got married?
- Yeah.

You like his wife?

I don't really know her that well, but I like her.

You should have met his last girlfriend.

She was Charlotte Light And Dark.

Not for real? The barking girl?

- For real.
- Wow.

- You want another?
- No. I'm good.

So, we should do something.

Like next Friday or Saturday.

Do you have a really busy week?

I don't know.

Because when you say
next Friday or Saturday,

that kind of sounds
like not until next Friday or Saturday.

Have you been thinking the two of us are...
well, you know, exclusive?

Cos I never really meant
to give that impression.

- What do you mean?
- Well...

That sometimes I see other women.

And by "see" you mean fuck?

However you wanna put it.

Yeah, I mean I figured.

Until you really get to know someone,
it seems the way to go.

Yeah, of course.

You see other guys, don't you?
You're always talking about Russell.

Russell's gay.

But I guess if I was to meet someone...

Not that I'm looking to fuck around, but...

I guess if I liked someone, whatever.

Cool.

Are you mad?

Do you want me to go?

No.

Do you wanna go up to your room?

Yeah. Let's go.

Back in Texas,
we call ice cream frozen cow juice.

Excuse me for a second.

- Thank you.
- No, no. Thank you.

Baby, I'm warning you. I'm in a bad mood.
I had a very bad day.

I found out one of my favourite doctors
was arrested for selling steroids.

Now there's a rumour
that AmeriMed's gonna close the hospital.

- That's great.
- There's KFC in the microwave.

Sorry, I just had to get you out
from under my feet for a while.

...but I brought my karate gear.

Julio, could you please
turn that damn thing down?

Andy won't beat me this time
because I've got the elements on my side.

Elements of surprise.

- Andy.
- I'm sandy, all right.

I'm very sandy.

I may be down but I'm not out.

Way to go. It took us three days
to make that potato salad.

There we go.

- Are you going to the store tomorrow?
- I wasn't planning to.

- What do you need?
- Baby wipes.

And baby food, but you have to go
to Whole Foods for that.

But at Rite Aid you can get her
a new sippy cup and nail clippers.

You get them in the baby section.
The others are too big.

Toilet paper,
light bulbs, the energy-efficient ones,

and facial scrub for me,
you know, the peach kind.

- You're gonna have to write everything down.
- It's on the refrigerator.

All right.
I'll try to do it on my way home from work.

You're going to try or you'll do it?

- Because if you can't, then I'll do it.
- I'll do it.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I had to make carrot soup
for Carol's stylist today

and drive it out to her in Culver City.

She's been sent to earth
with the sole purpose of torturing you.

- It's true.
- I don't work for her and she drives me crazy.

She wants me to make her rice pudding.

I'll use whole milk. Gives her diarrhoea.

We could call all our friends
and have them park in her driveway.

We could take pictures of her swimming naked
and post them on the internet.

God, I saw her once. She has the biggest bush
I have ever seen in my life.

She really does.

If I told you something,
would you promise not to laugh?

No.

This is the first time I have ever been
in a hammock. They always scared me.

I always saw them in cartoons.

People would get in them
and they'd spin around so fast

and the people would go flying.

Don't worry, you're safe.

It's so peaceful out here.

- I'm dying!
- Want some more wine?

Sure. Why not?

- I'm dying!
- Take a slug right out of the bottle.

- Really?
- Go on.

I feel like an old hobo.

Maybe we should hop a freight train.

We could head up to Frisco.

Pick us up a couple of sailors.

We're so bad.

Yes, we are.