Six Feet Under (2001–2005): Season 2, Episode 7 - Back to the Garden - full transcript

... following Wall Street's sharp rebound...

and boosted by a renewed hope
in a government plan...

to lift the banking sector
out of its doldrums.

In currency trade...

- Hey.
- Hi.

Me and my buddy,
we just moved in next door.

We were wondering who lives here.

Nice to meet you.
I was just about to get in the shower.

Come on in, I'll be out in a moment.

Nice.

- She's hot.
- Yeah, you're telling me.



I thought I told you guys
to wait in the other room.

We thought you might
need some help getting clean.

This is so cool.

- Yeah, you like this, don't you?
- Oh, yeah.

Let's move over here.

You're a nasty girl, aren't you?

You guys are the best neighbors I ever had.

David.

You're all wet.

Were you crying?

No, it was raining.

And, yes, I was crying.

I love you.

We get just about all the minerals
and vitamins that bones need...



from things like sunshine.

Didn't I ask you to clean up after yourself?

Why did you ask for an omelet
if you weren't hungry?

I was, but now my tummy hurts.

Again? Girl, you better eat some breakfast.

Maybe I'm full.

Eat half of it and you can watch MTV...

or don't eat and go to school hungry,
it's your choice.

That's good, bribe her.

Did I ask for your input?

- I gotta go.
- Go.

Your car is blocking me in.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?
I'm taking care of Taylor...

I don't know where her mother is,
I haven't slept in two months...

since I shot and killed that man.
I'm sick of your shit.

I'm sick and tired of you
taking it all out on me.

This is way more than I signed on for.

I've got an idea. Find what's yours,
and take it when you leave.

Then I'll never have to
look at your ass again.

I have a better idea. I'll go right now.

If you find any of my stuff,
you can shove it up your tight white ass.

Who the hell you think you're talking to?
I know you didn't call my ass white.

My tummy hurts.

The answer is no, I'm sorry.

It's not like it's some stranger.
It's your sister.

It's not like it's Kabul. It's Topanga,
it's not even an hour from here.

You heard what was done to Nate.

I don't think anything was done to him.

In case you haven't hung out
with any 15-year-old guys...

they're like total hornswogglers.

It was a much more innocent time.

What, the '80s?

Your brother
was a much more innocent boy...

to say nothing of what happened to David.

He hiked three miles
down the canyon in pitch dark...

to get away from those people.

He cut his ear on a bramble.
The answer is no.

Have you thought at all about scaffolding?

When your house is falling apart,
you build scaffolding...

to support you
while you are doing the work.

And I think a great way
to build scaffolding...

is to revisit old experiences
but try them a new way.

So I'm going out there after school today...

and spend the weekend
and be back on Sunday.

I haven't even told Justin yet.

He doesn't know his father's dead.

Jewish tradition says
we have to bury him tomorrow.

You have had Jewish funerals
here before, right?

Of course.

We decided not to do this in our temple
because of the way Jeffrey died.

Jess, if you want,
I can do this with Jeffrey's mother.

Fuck it, I can do it.

What do you need to know?

He killed himself for no reason...

while I was at goddamn Gymboree
with Tess.

Tess is four.

While I was with her, my husband,
Jeffrey Shapiro...

who worked for the third best law firm
in LA...

and was three months away
from making partner...

He came home...

on his lunch break and he hung himself...

with his pants around his ankles
in our goddamn sunroom.

There's your fucking eulogy.
Can you say that in Hebrew?

So you'll be conducting the service, Rabbi?

I love my new place.
You have to come see it.

It's a condo, but it's like a hotel, too.

It's got a concierge and a bidet.

Get me one of those jumbo beers
on the side as well.

- I'll share it with her.
- Get your own.

Make it two, thanks.

To living alone, finally.

To bidets.

And to starting over, with us, sweetheart.

I think I was under much more
emotional pressure than I ever realized.

And I'm actually so sorry
for those awful things I said to you.

Thank you.

Aren't you sorry for hitting me?

Yes, that was insane of me, but...

No buts, Brenda. Just be sorry.

I know it was probably my fault,
but I don't want to know why.

So, now the headline.

That whore has moved in with your father.

Dad's seeing a whore?

The Whore of Tranquility Spa, Brenda.

Has your father said anything
to you about her?

What's in it for her, money?

I know she's not in it for sex.

Your father's not what he used to be
after years of Paxil...

Okay, that'll be fine, Mom.

All right, then. Let's talk about you.

You sure you want to lose
the focus just yet?

Come on now, what's up in your world?

Nate and I are getting married.

Is he smart enough for you?
Does he have what it takes, up here?

Like you? Like me?

No, Mom, he's not like us.

He doesn't think so hard he wants
to put a staple gun to his forehead.

I get it. He's uncomplicated.

I've been with a man or three like that.

But Bern always had me because I knew
he was much smarter than I am.

That's why it's still so hot with us,
all these years later.

And we're back.

I'm sorry.

So, how did he propose?

I asked him.

You didn't.

Yeah, I know, it's really funny.

It's almost as funny as the notion of you
trying to build a life on your own.

I don't see how he could kill himself
when he's got three kids.

- I don't think he meant to.
- He hung himself.

I talked to the Quincy down at the morgue...

and he says that the cops said
there was a porno playing in the VCR.

- And they found a bottle of Astroglide.
- What's Astroglide?

It's lube. Lubrication. For sex.

- Thank you, David.
- No problemo.

Wait a minute, I know about this.
He was doing autoerotic asphyxiation...

- like the guy in that band?
- You got it.

See, you cut off the air supply...

and that heightens the stimulation
in the ensuing orgasm.

Here's the giveaway:
They found a lemon wedge on the floor.

You keep the lemon in your mouth...

and at the moment of climax...

you bite down on it to wake you up,
so you don't die.

See, the lemon was lying
on the floor, untouched.

I'm calling to let you know
that Eddie and I broke up.

I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

I broke it off with him.

All right, then.

Thank you for telling me,
I'm going to go now.

So, there's this part in my book...

where the main character
meets a high-class hooker.

Is this fiction, or nonfiction?

It's still kind of working itself out.

There's definitely someone based on you.

- Part of her is you.
- Excellent.

As long as she doesn't get raped
and murdered to pay for her sins.

I'm so sick of that tired old story.

She's way beyond conventional morality.

I can't wait to read it.

I jerked off a client the other day.

- I didn't know you did release.
- No, I don't.

He didn't ask me to.

So, I'm sure you can imagine
sometimes the guy gets a hard-on.

Normally I just ignore it.

So what, was this guy
just exceptionally hot?

No, not even.

So I'm giving the guy a massage...

he flips over, there's this hard-on.

It was kind of huge, but you'd never guess
by looking at the guy.

I could tell that he wanted me to touch it.

I thought, well, I would be crossing a line.

And then I did.

I crossed a line.

You are hilarious.

I mean, what is that?
Am I trying to be you or something?

I don't know. How'd you feel afterwards?

I was weirdly kind of inspired.
I wrote this really cool chapter about it.

- As long as it's all for your art.
- Yeah.

Aunt Sarah, hi!

Baby, is everything okay?

I thought we said
a "probably-maybe" about next weekend.

But this weekend is fine, it's just fine.

I thought it was this weekend.

I'm totally cool to go home
and come back whenever.

You're here, and you're mine.

I have to believe the universe sent you.

It's our annual Howl weekend.

- Allen Ginsburg Howl?
- Yes.

So you're down. Wonderful.

He was a dear friend.

We once shared a flat in Berlin...

until I got fed up with
the parade of Aryan starfucker boys.

I'm going to summon
his energy this weekend.

I'm expecting some visitors.
A wonderful poet named Basil...

and the painter Fiona Kleinschmidt,
have you heard of her?

A couple of freaks and some nasty hippies
from my druggie days.

It's going to be a riot.

Sure you don't want me to come back later?

Wouldn't hear of it.
I'll show you to your sleeping nook.

I love that bag.

- Why did you do that to me?
- Do what?

That. Just calling me and telling me that.

Hold on a second.

Mom, I'm on the phone.

Are you going to have supper?
I'm making pork chops.

No, Mom, I won't be having dinner with you.

Sorry. What do you want?

You called me.

I was calling to find out why you called me
to tell me you guys broke up.

You're my friend.

I thought you'd want to know
what happens in my life.

A month ago you didn't think
we should see each other anymore.

Things change.

Just what exactly is your agenda?

- I don't have an agenda, okay?
- Yeah, right.

- Wonderful.
- Great.

Thank you for sharing.

Shut up, just keep it shut.

I was just eating.

I spent most of the '90s thinking
that stripping was goddess work...

but I've come around to my original position
which is that it's just plain cheap.

I've always been astonished
at some of that pole work.

I once saw this woman, she could
hang upside down from 20 feet in the air.

She looked like an inverted Jesus.

It's the PVC boots.
They make your legs stick to the metal.

No way.

I would totally take my clothes off
on stage...

at least once, if I didn't harbor
a vague feeling of hatred about my body.

You're crazy, you have a beautiful body.

Thank you.

That's Nate.
Listen, the whole prostitute thing...

- he wouldn't be into it.
- Whatever.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Oh, God.

Where'd you get the hummus?

Sorry, incredibly rude and hungry.

This is Nate, my fiancé.

This is my friend, Melissa.

Cool. Where'd you guys meet?

Melissa's a client of mine.

So does Brenda
have all your auras aligned?

Chakras. Did you note the tone of mocking?

Have you guys ever heard
of autoerotic asphyxiation?

Cutting off your air supply
so you can come harder? Sure.

There's a name for it in
the fetish community. It's called breath play.

I read a thing.

We have this guy who died of it...

and it's weird
because it's definitely suicide...

but is it accidental suicide
or just plain old suicide?

He was indulging in something
he knew could kill him...

but even if it's accidental
it's still sort of on purpose, right?

What do you mean, "this guy we have"?

- Nate's an undertaker.
- Funeral director.

Did you note the tone of mocking in that?

Don't tell me you're a couple
that likes to bicker in front of others...

until it gets uncomfortable
and I have to leave and you guys fuck?

No.

No, not us.

Okay, you want to know my agenda?

My agenda is to
take you to dinner tomorrow night.

You there?

If I say yes, what am I agreeing to?

You and me having dinner,
maybe a little conversation, that's all.

Dinner?

We could make a plan,
but it seems a little soon after...

Would you just shut up and say yes?

Yes, I would like to have dinner
with you tomorrow night.

- How you doing, baby?
- Good.

How are you?

Be careful, Snoopy has an ear infection.

I brought tomatoes from my garden.

But I'm making the sauce, right?
Do you have fresh pasta or do I make some?

The Napa contingent can't make it.

Fernando's doing community service, again.

Who are you?

This is Claire, Ruth's daughter.

I didn't know Ruth had a daughter.

If I remember correctly,
you certainly knew she had a son.

- How is Ruth?
- How is Nathaniel?

My mom's great.
My dad is not so great. He's dead.

Shame. Hell of a guy, your dad.

So funny, fucking wicked.

I can still see him sitting here
at this counter...

hunched over his little rolling machine.
He used a rolling machine.

I'm gonna have my cell phone on,
in case you need to call me or anything.

Okay, have a good one.

- You want another cup of coffee?
- Lf you make it, I'll drink it.

Be really careful
when you're taking down this plastic...

'cause of Julio's allergies.

- There's tons of dust all through here.
- Okay, I got it.

We know, honey.

I'm going to make some breakfast. Hungry?

That sounds good.

I moved your circular saw to the porch.

I know, man, I got it. It's cool.

Honey...

listen, if it gets too loud in here...

you can take the kids to the park.
You don't have to stay.

Okay, baby, I got it. Have a good day.

Okay.

Julio, turn that TV down.

There's a spray cleaner
that's much more earth friendly.

Maybe I'll order it.

Oh, god damn it!

Or we can keep using this.

I don't talking to you!

Are you mad at us?

Why the grumps, Mr. Cranky Pants?

Someone's in a real snoot.

- I don't think he's feeling well.
- I feeling fine.

I can't come to your house
for dinner tonight. I have other obligation.

We planned this three days ago.
I bought aubergines.

I can't. Stop with all the question, okay?

I'm not asking you questions.
I haven't asked you any questions.

So, tell...

what do you do with aubergines?

It's a Greek thing, it's like a...

It's like a lasagna.

Would you like to have dinner
with me tonight?

Nothing would please me more, muffin.

Star sighting. I think I just saw
that Jewish "Friend" in there.

- What, Jennifer Aniston?
- The guy.

- Ross.
- Right. I'll be back in a couple hours.

- Hey, did you forget to shave?
- I was running late.

Really?

I'll thank you not to discuss
my facial hair any further.

Come here, let me check it out. Come on.

- What time's your date?
- Who said I have a date?

Tonight. Dinner.

It's a little soon.

The whole Oops-l-didn't-know-l-was-sexy
stubble look...

will peak at around noon tomorrow.

Believe me, I've perfected the art.

Can you make it drinks after dinner?
You'll have more time.

- I can't discuss this now. I'm going out.
- Clothes shopping?

- No.
- Stay out of Structure.

Augusto's got a little cold...

so I'm gonna head home
and give Vanessa a little break.

Okay, that's cool.

I'll be right here, then.

You may be seated.

We are here today to mourn the loss
of Jeffrey Marc Shapiro.

Talmud says, "Better is one day in this life...

"than all eternity in the world to come."

"And if they ask, you answer

"Damn the high-walled guard towers
of right and left

"Coast to coast, now, here upon a time

"where leaf shines, shimmers

"tokes to toasts

"Fear forever, nevermore"

And there you have it,
the crap of the moment!

It's not crap.

Look what just arrived.

Hi, Jill!

Hey, magic mushrooms, special delivery.

Throw them in the sauce.

No, no, sauté them first.
You guys, sauté them first!

Hey, do you have any of that THC butter
in the freezer from last year?

Hey!

Fuck!

What the fuck?

What the fuck is going on in here?

Just get out of here, man. Give me a sec.

Get out of here?

This is my fucking house,
you fucking homo!

It's nothing. Just chill, Rico. Damn!

Are you out of your fucking mind?
My kids could have seen that! Vanessa!

She took the kids to the park.

Are you fucking crazy?
Are you out of your fucking homo mind?

Get the fuck out of here!
What the fuck is wrong with you, Ramon?

Do you have anything to fucking say?

No, I'm just going to get out of here
until you calm the hell down, okay?

Damn!

What the fuck?

What the fucking fuck?

- Rabbi?
- You can call me Ari.

I need to ask you a few questions.

As a funeral director, I want to ask
about death from a Jewish point of view.

Sure. But I warn you, Jews tend
to answer questions with more questions.

- I'll give you my card.
- I mean now.

We're going straight to the cemetery.

You could drive with me.

I'm coming.

- Mother.
- Baby.

I got this for you. It doesn't need
watering or caring about in any way.

So, Brenda, I had this vision
of your wedding at the Hollyhock House.

They're wonderful
as long as you bring in your own caterer.

Loulou Smigel's daughter
had her wedding there.

Well, actually, I was thinking of somewhere
more beautiful and natural.

Oh, God!

What?

You know, your father and I got married
on the beach...

and we ran in the surf afterwards.

Yeah, I know.
You were barefoot, he wore clogs.

I think you're going to have to leave.

I've just got so much coming up right now...

and I need to go in my room
and sob for an hour.

Look, I could stay.
I'll massage your shoulders.

No, that...

It doesn't help me right now
that you're here.

Sure I can't make you
a cup of tea or something?

I'm sure. And, Brenda...

please don't tell your father
that you saw me cry.

Mom, come on, let me help.

I'm not Billy.
If you want to help me, just leave.

Okay.

Every time I get a headache,
I'm thinking this could be it.

You must be really scared.

Yeah, I'm going to die.

Yeah, me, too.

- Really, what do you have?
- A body.

Okay. Yeah, we're all going to die...

and maybe I'm going to die
before everyone else, maybe not.

So what's the Jewish answer
to what I'm supposed to do now?

I don't know what the Jewish answer is.
I know what I try to do.

I try to live my life...

every day in a way that honors God.

I don't even know if I believe in God.

Maybe it's time to find Him.

- Maybe God's a woman.
- Maybe.

There he is now.

Jeffrey Shapiro.

I'll wait here by the car.

Come and watch him be buried.

Jeffrey can't repay you,
so it's considered a great mitzvah.

Kindness, love, for its own sake.

Some people call that God.

What I'm saying is, yes, definitely,
forgive your mother and father.

I mean, we've all heard that before,
but what's become clear...

is that my family of origin
never really lived in a house.

They lived in this tent city, psychologically.

It's no wonder that my own house never felt
remotely like it was built on solid ground...

Shut up. Shut the mouth.

It was built on this quicksand
of emotional incest...

- if there is such a thing...
- Shutting it now.

Shutting it and stopping it.

But The Plan would call that
"old blueprinting"...

If you say another word,
I will stab you in the heart with a fork.

...that's about the size of it.

If there is a God in heaven,
He will surely shut your mouth.

You never stop renovating.

Robbie, I have to tell you something now.

I do believe I've learned everything
I needed to learn from The Plan...

and I no longer feel the urge
to speak in building metaphors...

or talk about myself or my feelings
in this way...

any longer.

I don't know what kind of power trip
you're on, but it seems cruel, to be honest.

Oh, God, Keith, you poor thing.

- You mind checking on her one more time?
- Sure.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- How is she?
- She's in surgery right now.

I guess her appendix was huge,
but they got it before it burst...

and she's going to be fine. I'm just waiting.
It's been an hour and a half.

She kept telling me
her stomach was hurting...

and I thought it was some kind of game.

You can't be perfect all the time, Keith.

That's what life's about:
Striving for perfection.

And when that fails,
accepting ourselves for being imperfect.

Not in my book.

- God, you are so self-righteous sometimes.
- Yeah, and you are a doormat.

Do I really come off as being a doormat?

- How is she?
- Great.

It went very smoothly. She's in recovery.

Good. When can I see her?

You can wait for her in her room.

When she comes out of her anesthesia,
she might be a little weepy.

Don't let it concern you.

Thank you.

- Oh, God, don't let her come over here.
- No, it's too late.

Beat these gourds!

No spectators!

Oh, my God, is there a lock on this thing?

They use this place as a meditation hut...

but it's been my safe-house
more times than I care to remember.

What fucking freaks.

Yeah, at least two of them
aren't your parents.

I'm their designated driver... every year.

Sorry.

It's better than getting a call
from the sheriff...

saying your parents are laying in the bottom
of Topanga Canyon...

and would I like a ride in a helicopter.

- We shouldn't be doing this.
- Why not?

Because, you know, like...

people are having, like,
end-of-the-world sex...

and just, I didn't bring condoms...

Like I would even anyway.

Yeah, right.

No.

No. I mean, you're quite the fox,
I'm happy to report...

but, like, I would never just
hook up with somebody I just met.

Like, ever.

Seriously?

Seriously.

I get it. You're just trying
to let me get my guard down...

and then, all of a sudden, we're hooking up.

Wrong.

I'm 19, okay, Claire?
I've had the major life experience to know...

it kind of sucks to enter the body of another
human being you're not in love with.

Okay, what are you, like, straight-edge,
or all Jesusy or just gay?

None of those things, okay? Forget it.

Just lay down here with me.

We won't have sex.
That's all you have to know.

Whatever. Who said I even wanted you to?

I promise you, you're gonna be fine.

This is all going to be over soon,
and we'll have you back at home.

I'm sorry I got sick.

Baby, it's not your fault.
You kept trying to tell me.

I just wasn't paying attention to you.

In the future,
we need to have a code word, okay?

Okay.

Secret words you can use to let me know
when the pain is real...

and you're not just playing.

But it was always real.

I know.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I don't know why you guys are depressed.
I haven't gotten laid since September 11...

1985.

You laughed at the wrong part.
I'm just telling you. What a crowd!

You drinking NyQuil, ladies?
Sit up, come on!

Blonde Jews, everybody! Hip crowd!

Good to see you back
in men's clothes, Senator. All right.

Cousin Stu, right out of rehab.
Good to see you.

- The landscaper's here, thank God!
- So what's shiva mean, standup?

Jeffrey represented a lot of comedians.

There's one part I haven't told you.
I'm engaged.

Well, we couldn't go out anyway.
You're not Jewish.

No, I didn't mean...
You would go out with me?

No, I just said I wouldn't.

- But it crossed your mind.
- I said, I would not.

Well, then, why'd you say it?

You thought about it. Come on.

Maybe.

You know, with your whole illness thing...

I have a bit of a messiah complex...

saving the men.

Yes, messiah complex.

You know, you can save me.

If that's what you need to do,
you can save me.

It's really good that you have someone.
If anything is going to save you, that will.

Yeah.

I haven't told her
about my whole head thing.

How could you not tell your soul mate
something like that?

I don't even know if she's my soul mate.

I get it. She's not your soul mate
but you're going to marry her...

I don't know what else to do.

...because you have nothing better to do.
Great. That sounds good.

Hey, I don't even know
what a soul mate is, do you?

The person who makes you be
the most "you" that you could possibly be.

Maybe your soul mate...

is the person...

who forces your soul to grow the most.

Not all growth feels good.

Hey, Melissa, it's Brenda.
I've been driving around for hours.

You want to have a drink or something?
Call me if you get in tonight, okay? Bye.

Whatever.

- Like that?
- Oh, yeah.

Are you gonna fuck me?

Yeah, I'm gonna fuck you.

- I'm gonna fuck you hard.
- Yeah?

- Harder than you ever been fucked.
- Oh, good!

What's your name?

- Thank you for coming, Mr. Fisher.
- Glad to.

Did he want to die?

Did he want to leave us?

- How could he have wanted that?
- I don't know.

What do you think?

I don't think he wanted to die.

Nate, leave your clothes on.

I'll get naked. You can go outside
and come back as a dangerous intruder.

Come on, I'm serious.

It'll be fun.

I'll pretend I'm asleep, and then you
can come in and have your way with me.

I don't really feel like it, all right?

Okay, you don't have to go outside.
Just do it from in here.

Hey, I've never seen you before.

- What's your name?
- Nate.

- My name is Nate.
- That's pretty funny.

My fiancé's name is Nate.

I love you so much.

You're so soft, baby.

I love you. I love you so much.

Harder!

Come on.

Did the music wake you up?

No, I've been up for a while actually.
I took a walk in the canyon.

- Beautiful, isn't it?
- My God, it's gorgeous!

We'll have a weekend soon,
just you and me, okay?

You come back
when there's not so much craziness.

The craziness was totally fine.
It was fun, actually.

Good.

I love this song. It's so pretty.

You want a waffle before you go?

No, thanks.

Well, then, tell everyone
I love them and miss them...

and want them to get their butts here
super soon, okay?

Especially that mama of yours.

Yeah, right, like she would ever.

I think she hides inside of herself
because she's so afraid we'll reject her.

So let's don't, okay?

She's had enough heartache
for one lifetime.

- You can keep it, sweetheart.
- Thanks.

As soon as I figure out
which two are my parents...

I'm just gonna roll them up in a rug
and throw them in my trunk.

Let me know if I can help.

I think I'll start with some coffee. But
give me your number if you're taking off.

Seriously?

I figured I'd never see you again.

Well, you were wrong. I'll come into the city.

Okay, I'll write down my number.

So, you get the 8 x 10
and the 24 wallet sizes for under $20.

- Pedro is the spitting image of Ramon.
- Right?

And everybody said he looked just like me
for the longest time.

Hey, morning, baby!

Hey! Hey, Graciela.

So, Rico, Ramon told me
why he's not finishing your house.

He did?

Yeah, just because
he has different taste in tile than you do.

I mean, you could have returned
what he bought and got something else.

Yeah, I guess I could have.

I know, girl, it sounds crazy to me, too,
but you know how men are.

Se ponen locos with that machismo stuff.

I guess I just really wanted
to do my own house myself.

My way.

You know how to do construction?

You know, I want to learn.
I got some books and...

That's cool,
but just don't hold a grudge, okay?

I gotta go. Ramon is watching the kids,
and he's going to kill me.

- Okay, girl. Bye.
- See you guys later.

Baby, you're such a weirdo sometimes.

Whatever.

Are you even going to ask
about my weekend?

I wasn't planning on it.

- I had fun.
- I'm glad.

I found some slugs in the garden.

Neat.

I'm gonna go take a nap.

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