Six Feet Under (2001–2005): Season 2, Episode 11 - The Liar and the Whore - full transcript

Trash. As in trailer trash.

They're 20 minutes late with my Vioxx again.

I'm in such pain.

I'm in such agony.

I wish the Good Lord would take me soon.

How are things at home with you and Rico?
He still acting crazy?

I don't know,
but he definitely has a bug up his ass.

Mid-life crisis.

He's too young for that.

Honey, men start having their mid-life crisis
in their early 20s...

and they keep on having them
every three to five years after that.



You're gonna have to eat more than this,
Mrs. Kippleman.

- Shit!
- Now what?

Vanessa, she's got no pulse.

Shit!

- She's a full code?
- I don't know.

Come on, Edith, come on.

A world-class complainer like you
isn't gonna give up that easy.

- How about these?
- The green pants.

- Actually, these are olive.
- I can get myself dressed, you know.

I'm just trying to help.

- Did I ask for your help?
- No.

Then what the hell are you doing
in my room?

Hey, you don't talk to David that way.

You'd better start showing some respect
around here.



- Or what, you're gonna put me in jail?
- What did you say?

Let her go.

We've got to start setting
some serious boundaries with her.

Look at all the shit she's had to deal with.

Not to mention the past couple of months.
She's 9.

- I know how old she is.
- I'm just saying...

Do you want to pick a fight with me?

No, do you want to pick a fight
with a 9-year-old about her attitude?

This morning I do.

Too fucking bad. I know you're nervous
about your old man coming...

but I don't have to let you
take it out on Taylor. Or me.

- It's 9:30.
- So?

Let me sleep late.

It's the last enjoyment I'll know
before I become a cog in the wheel...

making mocha lattes
for the people who have a life.

- Don't you think that's a little dramatic?
- Not really.

- Can I make you something to eat?
- No, thanks.

You never eat a decent breakfast anymore.

This is a glass of orange juice.
This is an apple.

That's two of my daily servings of fruit
recommended by the USDA.

Claire, are you depressed?

I'm not even gonna answer that question.

Whatever you're going through,
I hope you don't blame me.

I was just calling you.

What, you can be late all you want
but I'm not allowed to be?

- Calm down.
- Why? I'm pissed off!

I get pissed off sometimes.
I have a right to express it.

Express it to somebody else,
because I've got to run.

Brenda and I have a meeting with Rabbi Ari.

- You're thinking of converting?
- Maybe.

What? I'm already circumcised.

- Anything I need to be aware of here?
- I did a pickup this morning at Bay Breeze...

another referral from Vanessa.

Great, another chance for Rico to act
like we owe our entire livelihood to him.

Hello! Mr. Fisher?

Dave, you've got to lighten up, man.

Can I help you?

- Are you Nathaniel Fisher?
- No, he's deceased.

Wait a minute, that's me.
I'm Nathaniel Fisher, Jr.

Consider yourself served.

- Shit.
- Who was that?

You remember Mrs. Collins?

The waitress who got locked
in the walk-in overnight?

No, the wife of the guy who fell off the boat,
got sliced up by the propeller.

Yeah, the bargain hunter.

She wanted to see the body.

- You didn't.
- She made me.

Now she's suing us for emotional distress
to the tune of $500,000. Fuck!

There's an ashtray over there somewhere.

You should really clean this car out
sometime, you know.

What the fuck is this?

It's some creepy thing
my Aunt Sarah sent me for my birthday.

I don't know what happened.
Usually she has pretty good taste.

It's filled with some nasty Chinese
holistic herb shit.

Newsflash! These aren't Chinese herbs.

- They're not?
- These are shrooms.

My aunt sent me mushrooms?

Whatever you thought you were
doing tomorrow, plan on blowing it off.

- What's wrong with today?
- I have a date with Mr. Schussler.

- Mr. Schussler the vocational arts teacher?
- Yeah.

And you can't fuck for shit
when you're on shrooms.

Marriage is a profound experience
that can deeply enrich your life...

and even bring you closer to God.

But our culture has many misconceptions
about it.

Like marriage will cure Ioneliness...

or that most of our satisfactions in life
should come from our partner.

Or that good sex means good marriage.

And the truth is that marriage is different
for different people.

So in this and our next five sessions...

we'll talk about what marriage means to you.

I'm curious.

- Have you ever been married?
- No, I haven't.

But I have counseled many couples
in my congregation...

both before, during, and after marriage.

One thing I can say without hesitation...

is you can't have a good marriage
without honesty.

Yeah.

That kind of goes without saying,
doesn't it?

Are you completely honest with each other?

You don't have to answer that right now.

It's just something to think about
for next week.

- Would you like some cucumber salad?
- No, thank you.

- I made more than enough.
- I reading paper.

Fine.

Take it, go ahead, take it.

I'll be back.

Like Terminator, no?

What is he? Did he threaten you?

Mind your own business, woman!

Can I just say that I think
total honesty is not always the best thing?

What about privacy?

What about trying to maintain the mystery
of a relationship?

Sometimes truth is irrelevant.

Brenda, I did something stupid.

I'm listening.

The trip to Seattle, my friend Lisa?

I slept with her. She's pregnant.

I don't even know how to respond
to something like this.

What do you feel?

I don't know what I feel.
I don't feel anything.

I feel numb.

- When were you planning on telling me?
- I'm telling you now.

What do you expect me to do
with this information?

Christ, Nate! This whole wedding thing
scares the shit out of me...

but I've been trying to make myself believe
that we could actually...

Almost done.

Okay.

Okay, then.

How bad is it?

- Your brother showed her the body?
- Yes.

- It was in pretty bad shape, huh?
- Yes.

I think she's got a pretty airtight case.

I think that you guys
are more or less fucked.

She made him show her the body.

I can certainly argue that point,
but, David, she was under duress...

and this woman is going to describe
in great detail...

exactly what she saw
when she's up on the stand.

On top of that,
she's hired herself an aggressive law firm...

that nobody likes to mess with,
so I think that we should try to settle.

How much money do you guys have?

- I'm sorry I was late.
- Where were you?

With Brenda. We were in the middle
of something pretty intense.

Do you know how much trouble we are in
because of this lawsuit?

I have things I've got to deal with.

I have a life, too. I have a kid now.

At least I try to keep it separate
from the business...

that you seem so hell-bent
on flushing down the fucking toilet!

We are fucked, Nate!

And you fucked us.

I'm afraid my daughter's suffering from
depression and I don't know what to do.

Most teenagers suffer from mild depression
at one time or another.

- Is that true?
- True enough.

But I'm pretty familiar
with clinical depression...

- and I don't see Claire suffering from that.
- You don't?

Look, she's the kind of person...

that needs her life to be meaningful.
I'm sure you know this better than I do.

No, I don't feel as though I do.

And by the way, who doesn't need their life
to be meaningful?

You'd be surprised.

She has no idea how easy she's had it!

Do you want to know what you can do
to be more supportive of Claire?

Of course. That's why I'm here, I think.

This is a brochure for LAC-Arts.

I think Claire should think about
going there.

It's a great school
for someone with her creativity.

- You really don't think she's depressed?
- I don't.

- But can I speak candidly?
- Please.

I think it's possible that you might be.

It's me. I'm leaving another goddamn
message on your voice mail.

Listen, I really need to talk.

Billy, God damn it, I need you.
I really need you.

God damn it, where the fuck are you?

Mr. Charles, hey!

It's good to see you again.

You met me when Keith brought me down
to San Diego last...

- It's been over a year ago.
- I know who you are.

Hey, Lucille. I'm sorry I'm so late.
I guess I missed dinner, huh?

- I left you a plate in the microwave.
- Thank you.

- Hey, you're home.
- Yeah. I'm sorry I'm so late.

Did you get my...

- Where's Taylor?
- Brushing her teeth.

- Did she floss first?
- Yes, I watched her.

Listen, I put fresh linens on.
Extra blankets in the hall closet.

Keith, your mother and I want
to have a word with you.

- Can't it wait until morning?
- No, I don't think it can.

- I can leave the room if you'd like.
- I don't care if you're here for this or not.

Keith, we'd like to take Taylor home with us
when we go back to San Diego.

- What, for a visit?
- No, to live.

- Why?
- This isn't any of your concern, sir.

- I'm sorry, but I think it is.
- No, David, let's hear him out.

For one, we have a yard big enough
for her to play in.

We'll be able to spend more time with her.

And we'll be able to offer her more stability.

It's what's best for the child,
and you know it.

Fine.

Ari, hi.

I'm sorry to just drop in like this so late,
but I was in the neighborhood.

Well, nearby, speaking to somebody
who's interested in arranging a funeral.

- His own, actually. What do you call that?
- A pre-need.

Right.

So I was wondering
if you would be willing to help him?

Yeah, sure.
Just give me his name and number.

- I'll call him first thing tomorrow.
- Okay.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm great.

Okay, that's bullshit.

I'm coming in, and you're gonna offer me
something to drink.

That is a lot for her to absorb.

She already knew about the AVM,
but I just told her about the baby today.

You said we'd never have a good marriage
without honesty.

- I did say that, didn't I?
- Yeah.

Why do you think you have so much trouble
being honest with Brenda?

- I don't think it's particular to Brenda.
- With women, then.

- I don't have trouble being honest with you.
- I'm a rabbi, Nate.

- You don't look like a rabbi.
- I am a rabbi.

Unavailable to you,
not even in your wildest dreams.

That's why you don't have trouble
being honest with me.

There's nothing at stake.

How do you feel about becoming a father?

I don't know how I feel about it.

I certainly never imagined
it would happen like this.

All of our actions have consequences.

We may not even be aware of them,
but they exist nevertheless.

You should consider it a blessing.
What if you had never known?

Sorry.

Just give her some time, Nate.

Time. Right.

We got another one from Bay Breeze!
That's the fourth one this year.

Yes, I'm aware of how many referrals
your wife sends our way.

Just making sure you know
where the business is coming from.

- Something funny about this one, David.
- Funny how?

The certificate says the cause of death
was congestive heart failure.

So? Old people have their heart
quit on them all the time.

Yeah, but she's got these contusions
around her neck.

Old people bruise easily.

Those probably happened
while they were trying to resuscitate her.

Maybe.

What the fuck?

A hot dog?

You tell me. I don't think something this big
just happened to go down the wrong way.

Is it okay if Parker spends the night
at our house tonight?

Of course.

Would you like me to pick you up
a frozen pizza and some videos?

No, I think we're good.

Are you doing something
with Nikolai tonight?

I think he's losing interest in me.

He's been spending a lot of time
alone lately.

He was living here
with plastic casts on both legs...

and peeing in a bedpan
for, what, six weeks?

What's that supposed to mean?

Just give him some space.
Guys need a lot of space.

He doesn't know how to take care of himself
and he needs my help!

If you say so.

I'm a little confused
about this term "pre-need."

It's a payment structure that allows you to...

Make the purchase before you need it.
I get that.

I may be dying. I'm not an idiot.

My question is
with the choice of the word "need."

I mean, who really needs a funeral anyway?

If you're dead you don't need shit.

Yes, the funeral is really
for the people you leave behind...

to help them come to terms...

What if you're not leaving anybody behind?

What if your whole fucking life has been
one big waste of time for everybody...

- including yourself?
- You don't know that.

I'm all for thinning out the human race.
There are just too many fucking people.

Anthrax, smallpox. I say bring it on.

You'd probably like that, huh?
Good for business.

Maybe I should just leave this information
with you and I'll come back later.

Sorry if I'm being antisocial.

Sit down.

The good rabbi went through all the trouble
of setting this up.

Besides, I may not be here tomorrow.

- You mind if I ask...
- What I have?

- Pancreatic cancer.
- I'm sorry.

It's one of the worst ones you can get.

I did not know that.

Yeah. I should be dead already.

So this is just gravy time.
It's extra frosting on the cake.

Most people
last up to maybe six months, tops.

Me, I've been hanging in here
for over a year.

Can you fucking believe it?

I'll bet you never met anybody
half as lucky as I am.

And you pulled this relatively intact
out of the deceased's airway?

That's correct.

What made you decide to look in her throat?

I would have gone in there anyway
to swab her out...

before I started embalming her.

- But I had my suspicions.
- What made you suspicious?

The contusions around her neck.

These contusions could've been made
when they tried to resuscitate her.

They could have.

If they tried to resuscitate, why didn't they
find the frankfurter stuck in her airway?

It was stuck pretty far down.

Some of these nursing homes aren't exactly
up to speed on their CPR training.

She was brought over
from the Bay Breeze Nursing Home?

That's correct.

And who tried to resuscitate her?

Wait a minute. I think I got that.

Dolores Willitts and Vanessa Dial...

Diaz. Vanessa Diaz.

She is my wife.

- Where is Nikolai?
- He's out on a delivery.

Tell him I stopped by, and I come back later.

How much money does Nikolai owe you?

- Excuse me?
- How much money does Nikolai owe you?

- Who are you?
- I'm his friend.

- His lady friend?
- That's right.

It is none of your concern.

Tell me how much he owes you,
and I'll pay you the money.

- You will pay me the money?
- Tell me how much it is.

$87,000.

Oh, my.

- I had no idea it was that much.
- You don't have that kind of money, do you?

As a matter of fact, I do.

- You would do this for Nikolai?
- Please, I'm trying to count.

Nikolai's a lucky man.

What is your name?

Ruth Fisher.

I would've taken a check, Ruth Fisher.

Who's this pretty little girl
who wants to join the party?

Isn't it way past your bedtime, honey?

Brenda, honey.

Mommy and Daddy have company,
and you need to go back up to bed now.

Margaret, you're stigmatizing the situation
for her.

No, I'm not, Bern.

Keith, you cannot let them take my baby.

Karla, they're only as far away as San Diego.

I think it's for the best.

There ain't no fucking way it's for the best.
Are you crazy?

Daddy didn't even need an excuse
to smack the shit out of me or you...

- and look what that did to us.
- Look what that did to you.

I don't want Taylor growing up
with that shit.

But you don't mind her growing up
with a mother who's a drug addict?

I might be a drug addict,
but I never hurt my child.

That's the way people raised their kids
back then.

I'm tired of you blaming everything
gone wrong in your life on Dad.

Please. You know how
the slightest little thing would set him off.

I think he's changed.

People can change.

People don't change.
They just get older, that's all.

- David Fisher, how the hell are you?
- Jesus!

Certainly not in any mood
to deal with the likes of you.

Honey, you could stand to work on
those manners. Hi, Nate.

I understand you boys are being sued.

So what, you've come here to gloat?

I just wanted you to know we are paying
poor Mrs. Collins' legal fees.

And, honey, we've got awfully deep pockets.

Y'all, this thing is gonna go on forever.

In the end it's gonna drag you boys down,
I can guarantee you that.

Now, we are still willing to buy
this little mom-and-pop shop of yours...

at a drastically reduced price, I'm afraid.

But I think that if you're smart,
and I'm betting you are...

you'll go on and get out
while the getting's still halfway good.

I'm curious, Mitzi.
What do you get out of this?

I like to win, honey.
It's the way I was brought up.

I hope you don't expect me to apologize
for it, because I'm not gonna do it.

I don't expect anything from you.

But I wonder, at the day's end,
when you're alone...

staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror...

do you really like who you see
looking back at you?

I love what I see.

See, I just don't buy that.

Because if you did
you wouldn't be doing this.

You know, it's a crying shame...

that someone as cute as you has to be
such a goddamn doom-and-gloomer.

You boys think it over
and let me know what you decide.

Personally, I think it's a no-brainer...

but everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

- But I don't have the money.
- What do you mean?

- Of course you have the money.
- I don't. It's all gone.

- Where did it go?
- That's none of your business.

Mom, we need that money in order to offer
Mrs. Collins some kind of settlement...

or we're seriously screwed.

The only time you tell me what's going on
in your lives is when you need money.

If you'd told me about this before,
the money would've been there. It's gone.

- You guys, this is my friend Parker.
- Hi.

- We're just gonna be upstairs.
- Bye.

I give up.

That was weird. That was totally weird.
Are they always like that?

Always.

My God! Your room is so beautiful.

We should do something.
What do you want to do?

I don't know. What do you want to do?

What do you feel like doing?

- I feel like throwing up.
- Me, too.

- Is it normal?
- Totally.

These shrooms are fucking kick-ass.

Holy shit, you have a sewing machine?

Yeah, I found it in the attic.

It belonged to my dad's mom.

- Let's make something.
- Do you know how to use it?

Yeah. My God, it's so fucking cool.

People used to have
to make their own clothes all the time!

People used to have to make
their own soap. Can you believe that?

People used to have to kill their own cows
and stuff.

I really wish we could've been alive
back then.

Me, too.

Hi, it's me. I'm not here,
so talk to the machine.

Thank you for seeing me, Mrs. Collins.

I just want to apologize
for the unfortunate incident...

that brings us to this unpleasant juncture.

My brother is new to this business.

He didn't know what he was doing...

when he showed you
your husband's remains.

That's not my problem, is it?

No, of course not.

You were vulnerable
when you asked him to do this...

and he shouldn't have.
But, nevertheless, you did ask him.

What's your point?

- What's my point?
- Yeah.

Do you even have one?

You know it's not my fault or my brother's...

that you allowed your husband
to smack you around all those years.

- That's your problem.
- You've no right to talk about my marriage.

You chose to be a doormat,
or a punching bag...

or whatever metaphor for victimhood
you're comfortable with.

You stayed in an abusive marriage...

and wasted God knows how many years
of your life.

Years you'll never get back.
And that makes you furious, doesn't it?

You've probably spent
your entire miserable life...

blaming other people
for all the mistakes you've made.

Now you want us to pay for that?

Jesus, lady, just how fucking low
are you willing to sink?

This lawsuit of yours
is gonna cost my family our business!

That's my point!

There. Are you happy?

Now get out.

Get the fuck out of my house!

Can you spare a joint?

I love halter-tops.

Are you looking at my tits?

I'm talking to you. Yeah, you.

Are you looking at my tits?

My God, I wish I could've lived
during the Renaissance.

Those are so fucking beautiful.

I love those pants.

So when you walk it makes music, right?

See, if we live our lives the right way...

then every single thing we do
becomes a work of art...

even the pants we wear...

- or just the way we make our bed.
- Wow.

That's the whole fucking problem
with the world right now.

It's that we don't try to be creative
with every single thing we do.

Martha Stewart does.

I thought you might be getting hungry,
so I made you girls some sandwiches.

We are so not hungry.

We'll eat them later.

All right, then.

I'll come back later to get the tray.

- Mom?
- Yes, dear.

Here, I made these pants for you.

Thank you, Claire.

These are lovely.

I love you, Mom.

I never tell you how much,
because I'm afraid to for some reason...

but right now I want you to know I love you.
I think you're so beautiful.

I love you, too.

You don't know my dad, David.

He's like a pit bull when he gets his jaw
locked on something. Believe me.

What happened to the Keith who fights
for something he believes in?

- For something we both believe in?
- This isn't that simple.

Are you taking his side 'cause looking
after Taylor is too big a commitment?

No, I'm taking his side because,
for once, I think he's right.

You know what I think?

I think you're not sure that two gay men
should raise a child.

- That's your shit.
- Then why aren't we fighting for her?

Because they have more time
to spend with her.

Please. Your father plays golf all day
and your mom plays with her...

for half-an-hour, tops,
then pops in a video and gets on the phone.

I am not ambivalent about wanting kids.

Then you're ambivalent
about wanting kids with me?

Of course not. I just want to be ready.

Life doesn't work that way.
It just dumps things in your lap...

and then you try to make the best of it.

I'm tired of talking about this.

You know what this is really about?
You're afraid of him.

Fuck you.

As much as I hate you treating me
like a doormat...

it's even worse seeing your father
treat you like one.

- You think I treat you like a doormat?
- Sometimes.

Why don't you stand up to him?

I don't think I treat you like a doormat.

Sometimes you do.

Go to sleep.

We both have to get up early.

Okay, you guys need to go now.

Okay, then.

Can I have your number?

Why? So we can date?

Late.

- Hey, baby.
- Hey.

How did it go with the police?

How do you think it went?
They kept us there all night.

They didn't even talk to us
until about an hour ago.

At least they didn't arrest you.

Do you think I could shove a hot dog
down some old lady's throat?

No, of course not.

But you could have noticed it was there.

You know who they think did it?

The roommate, Ramona Kippleman.

But that old bitch is smart.
She's not saying anything to them.

- So that's that?
- Yeah.

Except now, thanks to you, I'm out of a job.

- What?
- They fired Dolores and me for negligence.

They had to hang it on somebody.

What was I supposed to do?

Hide a murder
so you could keep some shitty job?

Of course not, Rico...

but now I have to go out
and find another shitty job.

You got Julio off to school?

- Yeah.
- And where's Augusto?

He's taking a nap.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep
before he wakes up.

Where's your friend Parker?

My God, those are so hideous.

They're not hideous in the least.

I like them. And do you want to know why?

Because my daughter,
whom I love very much, made them for me.

Look, that wasn't me. It was somebody else.

I may just wear these pants
until the day I die.

Please don't.

God. What made me ever think
I could be an artist?

Here, this is for you.

I don't know why I bother.

I think you have real talent, Claire.

But go ahead and throw it away,
if that's what you're set on doing.

Taylor, would you go to your room?
I need to speak to your grandparents.

Yeah, sure.

David and I talked it over and decided
Taylor will stay with us for now.

At least until the school year's up.

The hell you say.

- Keith...
- Stay out of this, Mom.

That child is coming home...

with me and your mother.

Taylor's staying with me and David,
and that's final.

- You...
- Do it.

I dare you.

I was handling situation...

you stupid woman.

- You have no right to talk to me this way.
- You have no right!

Christ Almighty...

What's going on?

Nikolai owed someone some money,
and I paid them back.

- What?
- You can't try to fix others' problems...

without them asking, cupcake.

You're too co-ey. That's your problem.

- "Co-ey?"
- Codependent.

I know what it means.

And you know something, Robbie?
I hate that word.

That word is totally inappropriate here.

I am a mother. I have a family.
Family members depend on one another.

You can't be intimate with someone
and not be dependant on them.

I wasn't aware Nikolai was a member
of your family.

I feel so bad about treating my mother
like shit all the time.

What makes you think
you treat her like shit?

I made her these pants,
harlequin pants with bells on them.

My God, they're so queer.

And she's actually wearing them.

She means well.
She's just so clueless and...

I don't know, embarrassing.

Everyone's embarrassed by their parents.

Where's the picture of you
and what's-her-name?

We broke up.

You guys looked so happy.

I mean, in the photo
she always looked really happy.

I just assumed you were...

- in it for keeps.
- Well, we weren't.

What time is it?

We still have about 10 minutes.

Is there anything you'd like to talk about?

No.

Is there something you want me
to talk about?

No, not really.

I've got some Psych homework
I could be doing.

So, see you.

Would you like me to make you
something to eat?

No, thanks.

Have you made any definite plans
for the wedding?

To be honest, there might not be a wedding.

Really and truly?

- Really and truly.
- What did she do?

It's not something Brenda did.
It's something I did.

Maybe it's for the best.

Or maybe it's not for the best.
Maybe it just is.

And now I just have to live with it.

Are you sure you wouldn't like me
to make you something to eat?

A grilled cheese sandwich?

- Hey.
- Hey.

I tried calling you.

People make mistakes, Nate.

They don't always know
why they do the things they do.

You don't love this Lisa chick, do you?

- No.
- Good.

Because I still love you.

And I can't lose you.

I can't.

I need you, Nate.

As fucked up as you are...

you are the sanest thing in my life.

- Let's work this out together, okay?
- Okay.

I love you.

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