Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 5, Episode 6 - Child's Play - full transcript

You wanted to see us,

principal Gordon?

I want to discuss

your test results

on the s.A.T.

The s.A.T.?

You have our scores?

I do, indeed.

Ladies, the s.A.T. Is

the most important test

you will take



in your entire life.

- As a part
- of your permanent record

Your scores will determine

- what colleges
- accept you

- What jobs are
- available

Even the type of men

who will date

and ultimately marry you.

Really?

Hmm, I never think

of a guy saying

- "check out
- the s.A.T. Score

On that babe."

This is no laughing matter.



- Now, you both got
- the lowest scores

- In the history
- of Roosevelt high.

If only you'd been

serious students.

- But we are
- serious students.

- Then why do you continue
- to come to school

In your pajamas?

- Oh.
- Oh.

The s.A.T. Dream again?

Yep. Only this time

- we were wearing
- our pajamas.

That's way more

- than we were wearing
- in my dream.

- It doesn't matter
- what we wear.

We're going to fail

the s.A.T.!

♪ I do my own style

in my own time ♪

♪ how different

we have come to be ♪

♪ even though I'm glad

to be with you ♪

♪ I got to feel

what's real for me ♪

♪ like you got to do

what's right for you ♪

Hey, guys, I just talked

to my cousin in New York

- who took the s.A.T.
- On Saturday.

- Well, what did
- he say?

- The only way - to get through
- The verbal

- Is to memorize every word
- in the dictionary.

Only an insane person

would do that.

Yeah.

- So how far
- have you gotten?

- Halfway through
- the ks.

The test is next week.

- I know I'm going
- to blow it.

I can't believe her.

I keep telling her

that she's smart

- but she's too dumb
- to listen.

- Hey, wait, wait, wait,
- you guys.

I got it.

The problem is

- we've been studying
- individually for weeks.

So let's get together

and form a study group.

That's on point.

- Tia, you're good
- at math

Dot can cover English

and I've got logic down

and tamera...

- Can be in charge
- of pizza.

I can handle more than pizza.

You're on drinks, too.

That's better.

What's up, honeys?

Hey, Roger.

Ooh, cool jacket.

Don't encourage him.

Why are you guys huddled up?

We're planning a study group

for the s.A.T.

What's up, my peeps?

Down for a movie tonight?

Movies?

Shawn, are you buggin'?

Everybody's got to study

for the s.A.T.

Not me.

I got a tutor

through this prep program.

He taught me everything.

I know that program.

S.a.t. A.S.A.P.?

Girl, that's it.

And my tutor

was one fine college man.

Well, here's something

to think about.

In a year, I'll be

one fine college man.

Yeah, but right now,

you're in the way.

Well, that's cool.

My keyboard's

calling me anyway.

Never mind him.

Shawn, tell us

about this tutor.

Girl, he was

drop-dead gorgeous.

He was six feet tall...

- Who cares what
- he looks like?

- I do. - I do.
- I do.

Ray, what the hell

is that?

Vivica made this for me.

Oh, the handmade gift

from the girlfriend.

I knew nobody bought it.

- Hey, vivica put her heart
- and soul into this

To show me how much she cares.

- And you still
- going out with her?

I think this really adds

something to the kitchen.

Yeah. Ugly.

Hi.

Afternoon, girls.

How was school?

Funny you should

mention school, dad.

I was just telling Tia

- not to sweat
- about the s.A.T.

- Good advice.
- Tia, listen to your sister.

It's no big deal

if we don't do well.

- We just won't go
- to college.

Tia, don't listen

to your sister.

- Uh-uh.
- You two are going to college.

- Mom, I heard
- you telling Mrs. Parker

- That college wasn't right
- for everyone.

But I was talking about

her stupid ol' kids.

Well, how do you know

we're not stupid?

- Do you like
- this elephant?

Not really.

- Then
- you're not stupid.

- Mom, I think
- I'm smart enough

- To know
- when I need help.

What kind of help?

Well, you see,

Shawn's parents got her

- this really great
- s.a.t. Tutor.

And he really,

really prepared her.

You don't need a tutor.

You got me.

In college

I was known as

"calculator Campbell."

Dad, no offense

but it's a lot different

than when you took it.

Now it's in a classroom

instead of a cave.

I'll remind you

that I graduated

at the top of my cave.

Ray, we know you're

really, really, really smart

but what if

you tutored us

and we tanked?

You'd have that

hanging over your head

- for the rest
- of your life.

We're thinking

of you, dad.

Very good point.

Lisa, I think it's time

we get the girls a tutor.

Good answer, "calculator."

Okay, dumbo

maybe you won't look

quite so ugly in here.

Wrong.

Let me see now.

Where can I put...?

Oh!

Oh, Ray's going to think

- that I broke this thing
- on purpose.

Maybe I did.

- Tamera:
- Hey, Lisa.

Hey, ma, we cleared out

our stuff from attic

- for the church
- toy drive.

Oh, that's good.

It is sweet of you

to give away your toys.

- I could
- never do that.

My little pony stays with me.

That's how I feel

about my little elephant.

Girl, you can't be

a kid forever.

- It's time to act
- sophisticated

And worldly.

It's time to act...

Like me.

Yep, childhood is over.

- Tamera:
- Where are you going

With dad's elephant?

In the kitchen. He's hungry.

Can I hold him?

No!

- Why don't you girls
- go upstairs and get

Your books before

the tutor gets here.

You know

- it is real chill
- of you guys

- To share your tutor
- with us.

- Especially if he's as cute
- as Shawn's tutor.

- I'd better freshen
- my lipstick.

You guys, this isn't

about your lips.

It's about your brain.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Why didn't you

tell me about that?

Oh, okay, heavy d.

You'll be back

to your nasty old self

with just a little bit

of glue.

"Once glue has been applied,

hold for 15 seconds."

One Mississippi...

Two Mississippi...

Three Mississippi...

Hey, Lisa.

- Ray, what are you doing
- home so early?

I always come home

about this time.

And I've always thought

it was too early.

- What are you doing
- with my elephant?

I'm just rubbing it for luck.

Please stay together.

Please stay together.

Stay together.

I knew in time

he'd grow on you.

You got that right.

He's so cute, I can hardly bear

to put him down.

Be careful with it.

You hear that?

- That's probably
- the girls' tutor.

- Why don't
- you answer it.

Answer it!

Okay.

Yeow!

Is that the tutor?

- Lisa:
- I think so.

Hi. I'm Sam kirkpatrick

from s.A.T. A.S.A.P.

I'm ray Campbell.

I'm Lisa Landry.

And I am...

Totally disappointed.

- He looks like
- my daddy.

- No offense,
- but um, uh...

We were expecting

somebody a little younger.

Of course you were.

- I'm just the district
- coordinator.

Meet t.J. Henderson.

He's your tutor.

What are you all staring at?

Let's hit the books.

Uh-uh. Hold up.

This is the most

important test

in my entire life

and there is no way

that I'm being tutored

by wayanhead.

That's funny.

I just hope you know

as much about calculus

as you do cartoons.

I don't know what kind

of scam you are running

but our girls need help

with s.A.T.S, not abcs.

Once again, discrimination

rears its ugly head.

If my girls don't get

some real tutors

you will see some ugly.

- Uh, what Lisa's
- trying to say

- In her very own
- special way

Is that t.J.'S not quite

what we expected.

Maybe I should tell you

a little bit about t.J.

First of all, t.J.

Is a certified genius.

Only in Canada

and the United States.

International acknowledgment

is still pending.

- T.j. Is our most
- successful tutor.

- You girls are lucky
- to have him.

- He only works
- on weekends.

It was either this

or a paper route.

I'm sure t.J.'S

a real smart guy

but I think the girls

would be comfortable

with an older tutor.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Look, um...

Nothing personal

but if you need

a baby-sitter

just give us a call.

Nothing personal

but I don't think so.

Let's go.

I'm obviously not wanted here.

Okay.

But I should tell you

that every one of t.J.'S

s.a.t. Students

has scored above 1450

and his last three pupils

got early admissions

into Harvard, Princeton

and Stanford.

I suggested Chelsea

get away from the white house.

Chelsea?

1450?

- Both:
- You're hired.

Hi. I'm dot.

- What did you say
- your name was?

You're really cute.

Time's up.

Pencils down.

I said pencils down, tamera.

Ease up, Linus.

- Don't get your blanket
- in a twist.

That remark is going

to get this whole group

extra math drills.

I'm about to go holyfield

on the short stack.

- Will you guys
- cut it out?

I didn't even

finish the verbal.

Man, I totally choked.

What is wrong with me?

You're not

concentrating.

Take the test.

- Don't let the test
- take you.

Can the test take us

to the kitchen

for some cookies?

A change of venue

might be stimulating.

I heard that.

Yeah, I heard it.

- I just didn't
- understand it.

- You know what's great
- with cookies?

Milk?

No. Vocabulary drills.

I'll bring the flash cards.

Tamera, I'm very encouraged

with your progress

but your sister

is struggling to keep up.

But you hear a lot of that,

being the smart one.

I never hear that.

Say it again.

You mean she's not

a poor student?

- No. She always
- gets straight a's.

She's just so freaked out about

the s.A.T., she can't think.

That's too bad.

Those are the ones

that usually always tank.

I knew my lack of caring

would pay off someday.

Huh.

Okay, the word

is "sporadic."

The room under the roof

where the spores live?

Quit playing,

tamera.

Sorry. I thought

we were on a break.

Aw, man! I used to be

so good at "operation."

Well, not

as good as me.

The doctor is in.

- Okay,
- fine, t.J.

- Just give me the next word,
- okay?

Okay. The word is "impuissant."

"Impuissant." don't tell me,

don't tell me, don't tell me.

Um... oh! Okay, tell me.

Tia, if you don't calm down

your mind will become powerless

to come up with the answer.

Which, by the way

- is the definition
- of "impuissant."

Okay, fine.

Just give me one more word.

Relax.

"Relax"...

To make less tense;

to loosen up.

I don't want you to define it.

I want you to do it. Relax!

I've tried, but I just can't.

Tia, come over here

- and take a turn
- at "operation."

- That took my mind
- off the test.

Tamera, your mind

was never on it.

Besides, I'm not playing

some dumb, silly kids' game.

I know exactly

what you mean, Tia.

I never wasted my time

on silly games, either.

Really?

Yeah. When the other kids were

out learning to ride their bikes

I was in the lab

constructing a prototype

for perpetual motion.

I came this close.

You mean

you never learned

how to ride a bike?

Oh, well, break's over.

Let's get back to work.

No way.

You've been tutoring us

all morning.

Now it's our turn to school you

in how to be a kid.

And we can start

with bike riding 101.

You mean there's

still a chance for me?

Of course there is.

You get the helmet,

I'll get the band-aids.

Hello!

Guys... the s.A.T.?

We're still

studying here.

Tia, we have a chance

to make a difference

- in this
- little kid's life.

- Can you turn
- your back on that

For some test?

Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay, fine, then.

I'll just stay here

and study.

Wait!

You guys,

you have the flash cards!

Man!

I feel so impuissant.

Balance of mass

with proportionate speed

equals... whoo-hoo!

- Hey, what
- was that for?

Fun! Yahoo!

♪ Down in the Meadow

where the green grass grows ♪

♪ the pythagorean theorem

tells all that it knows ♪

♪ and we won't pass

the s.A.T. This way. ♪

Go ahead, t.J.

Try the funny bone.

Okay.

Who knew I could

have so much fun

with a game that

is anatomically

incorrect?

Can I ask you guys a question?

Finally... a pop quiz.

Have any of you guys

ever been to that pizza arcade?

You know,

"where it's fun to be a kid!"

Buck e. Duck?

Who hasn't been there?

Me.

You're kidding.

I love b.E.D.!

- Then why are
- we sitting here?

Let's school the boy.

Excuse me!

Am I the only one who realizes

how important this test is?

You guys...

I won't go to junior college.

I won't.

I say we all go

to buck e. Duck u.!

Absolutely not!

Come on, Tia.

I'll make a deal with you.

If you spend one hour

in b.E.D.'S

I'll give you my personal secret

on how to score a 1600

on the s.A.T.

What do you say

to that?

- Last one
- to the duck house

Is a rotten egg.

I got the spaceship.

Wow! This place

is fascinating!

Uh-huh. Buck e. Duck

is all of that.

I used to come here

every single Saturday.

I still do.

- Uh-oh,
- spaceship's free.

The spaceship's lame.

- I'm going
- to get my Jordan on

At the basketball cage.

Well, I'd like to

get my s.A.T. On.

Can you give me

your secret tip now?

Whoa! What's that?

- That's
- the ball pit.

I'll race you to it.

Yeah. Cool!

Dive!

Well, thanks for your help!

I'll just be over here

studying.

Hey, Tia!

T.j., this equation

makes no sense to me.

I can't see it.

Bring it closer.

Oh, gosh,

this is ridiculous.

Oh, that equation.

T.j.!

What's going on?

Oh, I was just demonstrating

the law of gravity to Tia.

Go ahead and laugh.

I'm getting

out of here...

Right now.

In a minute.

All right, which one of you

hit me with the ball?

- He did.
- She did.

Well, uh... I got

a little something

for the both of you.

Tia, do you realize

this is the first time

you've laughed in three weeks?

Hey, you're right.

Remember the first time

we went to this place?

Yep. I gorged on pizza

and ice cream

and yakked

all over buck e. Duck.

So did I.

Hey, tamera, you know

the only thing that would

have made being a kid more fun

would have been

having you there.

I'm here now

so let's make

the most of it.

Whack-a-cucaracha

challenge!

First to 500 wins.

Oh, girl, you don't

want none of me.

Hurry up.

- Tia, you got
- enough tickets

To get Terry t. Toad.

Forget the toad.

- I'm going
- for bubba b. Bear.

Go, Tia! Go, Tia!

Go, Tia! Go, Tia!

Go, Tia! Go, Tia!

- It's not like Tia and tamera
- to leave the house

- Without telling us
- where they're going.

Well, it's not like Tia.

I'm sure it has to do

with prepping for the test.

Then why are their

study guides and books

still sitting in here?

- I knew that little pipsqueak
- was up to no good.

I can assure you, miss Landry,

wherever t.J. Has taken them

they are studying harder

- than they have ever studied
- in their lives.

Buck e. Duck!

Quack, quack!

- Buck e. Duck!
- Quack, quack!

- Buck e. Duck!
- Quack, quack!

- Buck e. Duck!
- Quack, quack!

Where have you been?

We've been at buck e. Duck's.

Quack, quack!

- Tia was
- the big winner.

Show them your

"duck o' the day" medal.

- Look at all
- the loot I scored.

I would have won more,

but we left early

because the other kids

started crying.

This is outrageous.

- Dad, we're going
- to give them

- To the church
- toy drive.

Not that! You girls

have been playing

instead of studying.

- Maybe
- I should explain.

Maybe you should.

We hired you to tutor them,

not to play with them.

Mom, ray, you hired him

to prepare us for the test

and I never

felt more prepared.

You mean you're not

stressed out anymore?

No. This test is going

to be a piece of cake.

It's not all about

learning the material.

It's about learning

how to relax.

Yeah. We're going

to take the test.

We're not going

to let it take us.

Well, you certainly

sound prepared.

Well, I guess

you are worth the money.

Once tamera told me

that Tia was stressed

I knew it was time

for buck e. Duck.

Excuse me?

I con all my

"stress overload" students

into taking me there.

It gets them to relax,

and I get to have pizza.

You mean

you tricked us?

You weren't

denied a childhood?

Please. They have

my picture hanging

in the quack-quack hall of fame.

I must say I am impressed.

How did you come up

with something like that?

Hey, I am a genius.

We did it!

We did it!

Oh, that was close.

What? What did you do?

- We got our
- s.a.t. Scores back.

Oh, let me see.

Let me see. Oh!

Tia, honey, with these scores

- you can get into
- any college in the country.

And tamera, you can

get into a college.

I knew my girls

could do it.

Me, too.

Let me get a hug.

Oh, ray!

How could you be so clumsy?

Oh, I feel terrible.

This is a one-of-a-kind.

Vivica worked so hard on this.

Well, apparently

she had some help.

This piece says,

"made in Taiwan."

It's not bad if

we don't do well.

We just...

Yeehhh! Yeehhh!

It sounds like

a Chevy trying to start.

Yeehhh! Yeehhh!

You'd have that

hanging over your head

- for the rest
- of your life.

It's all

about you, dad.

Yeehhh!