Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 4, Episode 9 - Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes - full transcript
Tia and Tamera come up with an excellent plan to get Ray and Lisa together for a romantic evening. Everything is going planned until Lisa's friend Patrice visits and everything comes to a screeching halt.
- [Animated song blasting
- from radio]
Deejay: It's just coming up
on 6:30, motor city.
So, come on, rise and shine
and let's heat up this cold
morning with some hot jams.
Oops, there we go again.
Doing the same old thing
we do every morning.
Yep. Make bed.
Pick outfit.
Kiss coolio.
And then, we go downstairs
and listen to ray complain
mom burned the toast again.
Yeah, and then listen
to Lisa call him
a toast-hatin', napkin-tuckin'
no-it-ain't-
fresh-squeezed chump.
We're in a rut.
Both: We're so predictable.
- I knew you were going
- to say that.
We need a little excitement,
a little change.
Yeah, something to jump-start
our dreary little lives.
Something... well...
Different.
- Ooh! Oh, ray, I'm sorry
- about that toast.
- Here, let me scrape off
- those ashes for you.
No, no. It's just
the way I like it.
Mmm...
Oh, ray.
Both: Now, that's different.
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever
gonna let you go ♪
♪ Never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever
gonna let you go ♪
- Somebody want to tell us
- what's going on here?
Ray and I decided
to Bury the hatchet.
Ray: Yes.
- We had a long talk
- last night after we went
-to the movies.
-You went to the movies?
- You mean, the two of you?
- Together?
Yeah.
- Ray took me to a very
- classy little foreign film.
- Three hours
- of a bunch of white folks
- Crying in front of a windmill,
- going,
"fer-da fer-da fer-da."
It was most illuminating.
- And then Lisa took me
- to her favorite rib joint,
Pepe's pigout.
The floors are so greasy
- they have handrails
- that guide you to the table.
Who are you people?
Yeah, I mean, we love
that you're getting along,
but this is kind of weird.
- Oh, come on,
- don't be ridiculous.
- We're not acting weird at all,
- are we, munchky?
Dad? Lisa?
I knew it.
Tia, you know
what this means, don't you?
They're not here?
Better!
They're not here together.
- Which means
- they're out there together.
Getting their together on.
Do you really think so?
- I mean, I know that
- they were flirting a little...
Right! Today they're flirting,
tomorrow they're dating.
Then, ding-dong.
Do I hear wedding bells?
Tamera,
that will be so cool.
I know. And the best part is,
if they get married
we'll be sisters.
Hi, you two.
Hi, ba... hi ba...
Mom, I can't believe this.
The last time you went running
was after a taco cart.
Yeah, well,
ray likes his exercise
- and I got nothing
- against getting in shape.
Lisa, there's nothing
wrong with your shape.
I never mentioned it before,
- but I kind of like
- looking at it.
- Yeah. Keep looking 'cause it's
- about to collapse on the couch.
- No, no, no.
- You've got to keep moving.
Bring your heart
rate down slowly.
What heart?
- You broke it when you
- wouldn't let me stop
At the dairy queen.
- Well, while you were
- soaking your feet
In the petermans' birdbath,
I doubled back
and I got you this.
Oh, no.
You did not!
A cook-wich!
I'm not even going to eat it.
I'm going to save it forever.
- At least until
- Savannah comes on.
Hey, Tia, what do you say
we kick this love boat
into warp speed?
Hey, dad, um...
We just wanted you to know
that even though it was
a little new to us at first,
now we like what we see.
- -Really?
- -Uh-huh.
- I kind of thought the colors
- were a little too bold
But at least I'll never
get hit by a car.
Your turn.
Ray, ray, ray.
What we're trying to say is
there's someone in this house
who really cares
a lot about you.
Oh, that's sweet, Tia.
I care about you, too.
You're up.
Dad, dad, let's
break this down.
Okay, tomorrow night,
Lisa's going to make you
a big, romantic dinner.
Both: She is?
Oh, yeah.
- And when she tells you,
- try to look surprised.
Like that.
Surprised? I'm flabbergasted.
Wow, after all this time,
- I'm having a real
- date with Lisa.
I feel like a kid again.
Oh, boy.
- Like anybody really believed
- I was going to wait.
Hey, mom, mom.
Uh, we need to talk.
See, Lisa,
we've got the feeling
you've been bit
by the love bug.
Oh, does it show?
- Oh, well, I'm glad
- you girls brought this up.
It's been happening so fast,
I'm sort of confused.
- I don't know if I should
- play hard to get
Or just dive right in.
Dive!
- Cannonball
- right into the deep end.
Come on in, the water's fine.
Oh, and speaking of eating,
here's a nutty idea.
Why not make
a romantic surprise dinner
to show him how you feel?
Say, for instance,
I don't know, tomorrow night?
You... really think I should?
Oh, absolutely.
Trust me, you have to.
Mom, if you've finally found
the right guy
you ought to go for it.
Oh!
Well, thank you, girls.
I am going to go for it.
- I just needed to know
- you two were behind me.
I can't believe that our folks
are finally getting together.
I mean, they're so different.
- Yeah, but they're trying
- to change for each other.
Do you know my dad even checked
the prices of corn pads?
- Just so they'd have
- something to talk about?
- Boy, when they
- find out what we did for them
They're going to owe us big.
Yep, birthdays
are going to be sweet!
Roger: Ayudame, dos amigas.
Yikes.
For a little guy,
you pack a big lunch.
It's not my lunch.
It's a portable closet.
- My dad's picking me up
- after school.
Welcome to divorce.
Oh, that's rough, Roger.
Tell me about it.
- One week I'm with my mom,
- the second week with my dad,
The third week they each
just grab a wrist and pull.
Do my arms look longer to you?
Well, I wasn't going
to say anything.
- Sorry you're having
- such a hard time, Roger.
Hey, this split-up
was bound to happen.
My folks are as different
as snoopy and snoop doggy dogg.
Kind of like...
Well, your folks.
Yeah, but sometimes
people can change, can't they?
- Change?
- Woman, that's the first step
On the road to ruin.
My dad tried to change
for mom, do her thing.
- Halfway through waiting
- to exhale, he went berserk.
- Tried to knock himself
- unconscious
With a bottle of yoo-hoo.
Both: Uh-oh.
- But you guys have nothing
- to worry about.
- Your folks
- can't stand each other.
- 'Cause when people like them
- fall in love,
It's doomed from the "I do."
Oh, my gosh, Tia.
Could that happen to us?
♪ Everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
♪ everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
- ♪ everybody's
- in the house, huh ♪
♪ Everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
♪ everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
♪ everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
Both: We're getting a divorce!
Patrice: Girlfriend, you home?
Oh!
Oh, girl,
something's hot in here,
and it ain't on the stove.
Trice...
I got me a man.
Child, it's about time,
'cause it's been a long,
cold, lonely winter
for both of us.
Whoo, tell me about it.
- Even that Walmart greeter
- with the built-up shoe,
He was starting to look good.
So, what's for dinner, honey?
Oh, my special
homemade bouillabaisse.
Oh, now you're going
all uptown on me.
Since when you start
making bouillabaisse?
Ever since I dropped
my tuna sandwich
in the spaghetti sauce.
- So, you're making him
- a romantic dinner, huh?
Uh-huh.
- Come on, you got to tell me.
- Who is it?
I don't know if I should
tell you, patrice.
Oh, come on, girl.
- Now, you done known me
- since high school,
And you know I'd never
steal a man from a friend.
Dierdre was not my friend,
she was my sister.
And before you go there,
Rachel was a cousin.
Well, all I'm prepared
to say at this time is
he's got a pulse and an income.
- Oh, child.
- In that case, marry him, honey,
- 'cause the pulse
- is just icing on the cake.
Oh, lis, I'm so glad
you found somebody.
Oh. I'm relieved, too.
Don't laugh, but for a while
I thought you was going
to fall for old apple head ray.
Me? And old applehead.
Patrice: Oh, child.
- What's wrong
- with old applehead?
Well, for one thing
- he's so stiff,
- you can iron clothes on him.
- Child, if you'd
- told me it was him,
I'd have slapped you
six ways from Sunday.
- Yeah, well, don't worry.
- I won't tell you that.
Whoo, my bouillabaisse. Mmm.
Mmm, needs some hot sauce.
Wait right here, honey.
I got an emergency
bottle in my purse.
- Lisa: Huh?
- -You never know
- When something going to need
- a little spicing up.
Oh, hi, girls.
Hi, aunt patrice.
Have you seen my mom?
- Oh, yes. She's out
- in the kitchen stirring up
A big old pot of love
for her mystery man.
Oh, it's no mystery.
It's my dad.
- Do you have a daddy
- I haven't met?
- We're not kidding,
- aunt patrice.
- Mom's going after ray tonight.
- Big time.
Oh, child, please.
Lisa is not interested
in anybody's ray Campbell.
- And I heard that straight
- from girlfriend's mouth.
- Well, then, who did we talk her
- into making dinner for?
I don't know, child,
but some other mystery man
is going to be all up
in her bouillabaisse tonight.
Lisa: Trice!
Where's my hot sauce?
Oh, I used it up, honey,
but I got these baby salsa
packets from burrito boy.
Lisa: Bring them on!
Tia, did you hear that?
We accidentally pushed Lisa
into the arms of another man.
All right!
Our troubles are over!
Hi, dad.
Mmm... something smells good.
- Must be that romantic dinner
- Lisa's going to spring on me.
Uh, dad.
About the dinner, we...
- Don't tell me.
- I want to be surprised.
Oh, you will be.
Not half as surprised as Lisa.
- I picked up a couple
- of concert tickets
- For the late show tonight,
- b.b. King.
It's supposed to be-be good.
Dad, I don't think
you're going to be-be going.
What? Why?
Dad, sit down.
Now, remember those cute
itty-bitty goldfish I had?
Peaches and herb.
Uh-huh.
And remember how
herb would always blow
love bubble at peaches,
- and she always seemed
- more interested
In that plastic sea monkey
at the bottom of the tank?
Yes.
Well...
Lisa has a new
sea monkey in her tank.
Sorry, herb.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
Well, I feel
pretty darn foolish.
Dad, we thought she liked you.
- I didn't mean
- for you to get hurt.
Grils, it's hardly your fault.
- The way she was acting,
- I thought she was...
- Well, I guess it doesn't matter
- what I thought.
[Lisa and patrice
[laughing loudly]
Both: You.
Ray, listen, you better
make yourself scarce tonight
'cause Lisa's
got herself a man.
So I hear.
I'm going down to see if I can
unload these b.B. King tickets.
Uh, wait a minute.
A stiff like you
likes b.B. King?
Hey, I have my funky,
- get-down-with-my-bad-self
- moments.
- Well, I can't believe
- we have something in common.
I love b.B. King.
Really?
Well, good night.
Oh, dad, wait!
You should go out
and have fun tonight.
- Why don't you take patrice
- to the concert?
Sweetheart, maybe
I didn't make myself clear.
- These seats are
- next to each other.
Ray, you don't want
to stay home.
- I mean,
- you don't want to be here
When that sea monkey swims by.
Oh, yeah, right.
Well, patrice, uh...
What do you think?
I'll go.
Just don't talk to me
when b.B. Is playing.
Fine. Don't talk to me
when he's not.
Here. See you there.
Not if I can trade this in
for a better seat.
Oh, ray.
I didn't expect you
home so early.
I'm sorry. I hope I'm not
interrupting something.
What? Wait, wait.
Ray...
I'm making a romantic dinner.
- My special
- homemade bouillabaisse.
Oh, your tuna ketchup soup?
Hope you made a maalox
cobbler for dessert.
Well.
What bit him in the butt?
Tamera, what's wrong
with your daddy?
- He's just feeling
- a little blue right now.
Yeah. Good thing he's going
to a blues concert.
He's what?
Yeah, with aunt patrice.
Back up a second.
Your daddy is taking out
my best friend tonight?
Yep. Who'd have thunk it?
Well, certainly not me.
- Girl, you better not come back
- around here no more.
You backstabbing, man-stealing,
skinny-neck, boney-butt,
no-friend friend!
And you, you limo-driving,
saddle-shoe-wearing,
- opera-singing, call-your-mama
- four-times-a-day chump!
You taking her out?
You taking her out?
Well, I'll take you out!
Good evening, Lisa.
Good evening, Raymond.
- Tia, look. They're not speaking
- to each other.
We've got our happy home back.
- Oh, my, you got
- a spot on that silk tie.
- A sharp-dressing man like you
- should not go out like that.
That's a $60 tie!
Well, now it's half off.
- What is wrong with you?
- I'm living with a crazy woman.
Yeah, not for long, you ain't!
Mine!
Mom!
Mom, what are you doing?
I'm marking everything
that's mine.
Mine!
Mine!
Mine!
Tamera: Lisa.
- You want to tell us
- what's going on?
- Girls, I know this is
- going to upset you,
But I cannot live another day
with that ray
"poodlehead" Campbell.
- Tia, you got
- a really big backpack?
Both: No!
This can't be happening!
Oh, it's happening all right.
- And to think I wasted all day
- making dinner
For that-that-that
knobby-kneed knucklehead!
What?
My dad was your mystery man?
Yeah, and the mystery is
what I ever saw
in that-that wombat.
Oh, no, this is all our fault.
- Tamera,
- what are we going to do?
I'm going to tell my daddy.
- That Ben-and-Jerry-eating,
- tuna-soup-cooking,
- Savannah-watching,
- tie-cutting...
Dad, Lisa's moving out.
You've got to do something.
Okay, I will.
Ya-hoo!
Dad...
You don't understand.
Lisa's crazy about you.
What? Then why...
Wh-why did she cut my Calvin?
She's jealous,
- 'cause you're going to take
- patrice out instead of her.
You need to go in there
and talk to her now!
But, honey, I...
I mean, after the way
I carried on like that
- she probably won't even talk
- to me.
Hey, ray.
Hey, Lisa.
Wait a minute.
Why do I get the feeling
- you two had something
- to do with this mess?
Well... maybe 'cause we did.
- We wanted you guys
- to be together.
- But then we realized
- you getting together
Could break us up.
And we didn't want you
to get a divorce.
A divorce?
We haven't even had
a proper first date.
Yeah, but we got scared.
I mean, Roger's parents
were from, you know...
Different planets.
Kind of like you guys.
And their family split up.
- Come on, girls, sit down.
- Come on.
- First of all,
- we're not Roger's parents.
- Good thing, too.
- Roger gets on my last nerve.
- We want this family to stay
- together as much as you do.
We don't know if anything
is going to happen between us.
But you have absolutely
nothing to worry about.
Because if something
does happen,
we promise that
we'll take it very slow.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks, dad.
Nightie-night.
- -Night-night.
- -Good night.
Now that that's over,
- let's get back
- to that romantic dinner.
Go suck it out of the sink.
[Laughter
you got some nerve
name-calling my bouillabaisse.
You got some nerve,
- calling that
- fishy ketchup "bouillabaisse."
Oh, yeah? Well, I got
the recipe from your mama.
My mama?
No, don't go there now.
I guess that's slow enough.
Sit down.
Remember those cute
itty-bitty goldfish I had?
Peaches and herb?
Uh-huh.
And...
I'm blind!
I'm blind!
Tamera: Oh, my gosh!
I tried!
I had to sneeze.
- from radio]
Deejay: It's just coming up
on 6:30, motor city.
So, come on, rise and shine
and let's heat up this cold
morning with some hot jams.
Oops, there we go again.
Doing the same old thing
we do every morning.
Yep. Make bed.
Pick outfit.
Kiss coolio.
And then, we go downstairs
and listen to ray complain
mom burned the toast again.
Yeah, and then listen
to Lisa call him
a toast-hatin', napkin-tuckin'
no-it-ain't-
fresh-squeezed chump.
We're in a rut.
Both: We're so predictable.
- I knew you were going
- to say that.
We need a little excitement,
a little change.
Yeah, something to jump-start
our dreary little lives.
Something... well...
Different.
- Ooh! Oh, ray, I'm sorry
- about that toast.
- Here, let me scrape off
- those ashes for you.
No, no. It's just
the way I like it.
Mmm...
Oh, ray.
Both: Now, that's different.
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever
gonna let you go ♪
♪ Never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever
gonna let you go ♪
- Somebody want to tell us
- what's going on here?
Ray and I decided
to Bury the hatchet.
Ray: Yes.
- We had a long talk
- last night after we went
-to the movies.
-You went to the movies?
- You mean, the two of you?
- Together?
Yeah.
- Ray took me to a very
- classy little foreign film.
- Three hours
- of a bunch of white folks
- Crying in front of a windmill,
- going,
"fer-da fer-da fer-da."
It was most illuminating.
- And then Lisa took me
- to her favorite rib joint,
Pepe's pigout.
The floors are so greasy
- they have handrails
- that guide you to the table.
Who are you people?
Yeah, I mean, we love
that you're getting along,
but this is kind of weird.
- Oh, come on,
- don't be ridiculous.
- We're not acting weird at all,
- are we, munchky?
Dad? Lisa?
I knew it.
Tia, you know
what this means, don't you?
They're not here?
Better!
They're not here together.
- Which means
- they're out there together.
Getting their together on.
Do you really think so?
- I mean, I know that
- they were flirting a little...
Right! Today they're flirting,
tomorrow they're dating.
Then, ding-dong.
Do I hear wedding bells?
Tamera,
that will be so cool.
I know. And the best part is,
if they get married
we'll be sisters.
Hi, you two.
Hi, ba... hi ba...
Mom, I can't believe this.
The last time you went running
was after a taco cart.
Yeah, well,
ray likes his exercise
- and I got nothing
- against getting in shape.
Lisa, there's nothing
wrong with your shape.
I never mentioned it before,
- but I kind of like
- looking at it.
- Yeah. Keep looking 'cause it's
- about to collapse on the couch.
- No, no, no.
- You've got to keep moving.
Bring your heart
rate down slowly.
What heart?
- You broke it when you
- wouldn't let me stop
At the dairy queen.
- Well, while you were
- soaking your feet
In the petermans' birdbath,
I doubled back
and I got you this.
Oh, no.
You did not!
A cook-wich!
I'm not even going to eat it.
I'm going to save it forever.
- At least until
- Savannah comes on.
Hey, Tia, what do you say
we kick this love boat
into warp speed?
Hey, dad, um...
We just wanted you to know
that even though it was
a little new to us at first,
now we like what we see.
- -Really?
- -Uh-huh.
- I kind of thought the colors
- were a little too bold
But at least I'll never
get hit by a car.
Your turn.
Ray, ray, ray.
What we're trying to say is
there's someone in this house
who really cares
a lot about you.
Oh, that's sweet, Tia.
I care about you, too.
You're up.
Dad, dad, let's
break this down.
Okay, tomorrow night,
Lisa's going to make you
a big, romantic dinner.
Both: She is?
Oh, yeah.
- And when she tells you,
- try to look surprised.
Like that.
Surprised? I'm flabbergasted.
Wow, after all this time,
- I'm having a real
- date with Lisa.
I feel like a kid again.
Oh, boy.
- Like anybody really believed
- I was going to wait.
Hey, mom, mom.
Uh, we need to talk.
See, Lisa,
we've got the feeling
you've been bit
by the love bug.
Oh, does it show?
- Oh, well, I'm glad
- you girls brought this up.
It's been happening so fast,
I'm sort of confused.
- I don't know if I should
- play hard to get
Or just dive right in.
Dive!
- Cannonball
- right into the deep end.
Come on in, the water's fine.
Oh, and speaking of eating,
here's a nutty idea.
Why not make
a romantic surprise dinner
to show him how you feel?
Say, for instance,
I don't know, tomorrow night?
You... really think I should?
Oh, absolutely.
Trust me, you have to.
Mom, if you've finally found
the right guy
you ought to go for it.
Oh!
Well, thank you, girls.
I am going to go for it.
- I just needed to know
- you two were behind me.
I can't believe that our folks
are finally getting together.
I mean, they're so different.
- Yeah, but they're trying
- to change for each other.
Do you know my dad even checked
the prices of corn pads?
- Just so they'd have
- something to talk about?
- Boy, when they
- find out what we did for them
They're going to owe us big.
Yep, birthdays
are going to be sweet!
Roger: Ayudame, dos amigas.
Yikes.
For a little guy,
you pack a big lunch.
It's not my lunch.
It's a portable closet.
- My dad's picking me up
- after school.
Welcome to divorce.
Oh, that's rough, Roger.
Tell me about it.
- One week I'm with my mom,
- the second week with my dad,
The third week they each
just grab a wrist and pull.
Do my arms look longer to you?
Well, I wasn't going
to say anything.
- Sorry you're having
- such a hard time, Roger.
Hey, this split-up
was bound to happen.
My folks are as different
as snoopy and snoop doggy dogg.
Kind of like...
Well, your folks.
Yeah, but sometimes
people can change, can't they?
- Change?
- Woman, that's the first step
On the road to ruin.
My dad tried to change
for mom, do her thing.
- Halfway through waiting
- to exhale, he went berserk.
- Tried to knock himself
- unconscious
With a bottle of yoo-hoo.
Both: Uh-oh.
- But you guys have nothing
- to worry about.
- Your folks
- can't stand each other.
- 'Cause when people like them
- fall in love,
It's doomed from the "I do."
Oh, my gosh, Tia.
Could that happen to us?
♪ Everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
♪ everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
- ♪ everybody's
- in the house, huh ♪
♪ Everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
♪ everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
♪ everybody's
in the house, huh ♪
Both: We're getting a divorce!
Patrice: Girlfriend, you home?
Oh!
Oh, girl,
something's hot in here,
and it ain't on the stove.
Trice...
I got me a man.
Child, it's about time,
'cause it's been a long,
cold, lonely winter
for both of us.
Whoo, tell me about it.
- Even that Walmart greeter
- with the built-up shoe,
He was starting to look good.
So, what's for dinner, honey?
Oh, my special
homemade bouillabaisse.
Oh, now you're going
all uptown on me.
Since when you start
making bouillabaisse?
Ever since I dropped
my tuna sandwich
in the spaghetti sauce.
- So, you're making him
- a romantic dinner, huh?
Uh-huh.
- Come on, you got to tell me.
- Who is it?
I don't know if I should
tell you, patrice.
Oh, come on, girl.
- Now, you done known me
- since high school,
And you know I'd never
steal a man from a friend.
Dierdre was not my friend,
she was my sister.
And before you go there,
Rachel was a cousin.
Well, all I'm prepared
to say at this time is
he's got a pulse and an income.
- Oh, child.
- In that case, marry him, honey,
- 'cause the pulse
- is just icing on the cake.
Oh, lis, I'm so glad
you found somebody.
Oh. I'm relieved, too.
Don't laugh, but for a while
I thought you was going
to fall for old apple head ray.
Me? And old applehead.
Patrice: Oh, child.
- What's wrong
- with old applehead?
Well, for one thing
- he's so stiff,
- you can iron clothes on him.
- Child, if you'd
- told me it was him,
I'd have slapped you
six ways from Sunday.
- Yeah, well, don't worry.
- I won't tell you that.
Whoo, my bouillabaisse. Mmm.
Mmm, needs some hot sauce.
Wait right here, honey.
I got an emergency
bottle in my purse.
- Lisa: Huh?
- -You never know
- When something going to need
- a little spicing up.
Oh, hi, girls.
Hi, aunt patrice.
Have you seen my mom?
- Oh, yes. She's out
- in the kitchen stirring up
A big old pot of love
for her mystery man.
Oh, it's no mystery.
It's my dad.
- Do you have a daddy
- I haven't met?
- We're not kidding,
- aunt patrice.
- Mom's going after ray tonight.
- Big time.
Oh, child, please.
Lisa is not interested
in anybody's ray Campbell.
- And I heard that straight
- from girlfriend's mouth.
- Well, then, who did we talk her
- into making dinner for?
I don't know, child,
but some other mystery man
is going to be all up
in her bouillabaisse tonight.
Lisa: Trice!
Where's my hot sauce?
Oh, I used it up, honey,
but I got these baby salsa
packets from burrito boy.
Lisa: Bring them on!
Tia, did you hear that?
We accidentally pushed Lisa
into the arms of another man.
All right!
Our troubles are over!
Hi, dad.
Mmm... something smells good.
- Must be that romantic dinner
- Lisa's going to spring on me.
Uh, dad.
About the dinner, we...
- Don't tell me.
- I want to be surprised.
Oh, you will be.
Not half as surprised as Lisa.
- I picked up a couple
- of concert tickets
- For the late show tonight,
- b.b. King.
It's supposed to be-be good.
Dad, I don't think
you're going to be-be going.
What? Why?
Dad, sit down.
Now, remember those cute
itty-bitty goldfish I had?
Peaches and herb.
Uh-huh.
And remember how
herb would always blow
love bubble at peaches,
- and she always seemed
- more interested
In that plastic sea monkey
at the bottom of the tank?
Yes.
Well...
Lisa has a new
sea monkey in her tank.
Sorry, herb.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
Well, I feel
pretty darn foolish.
Dad, we thought she liked you.
- I didn't mean
- for you to get hurt.
Grils, it's hardly your fault.
- The way she was acting,
- I thought she was...
- Well, I guess it doesn't matter
- what I thought.
[Lisa and patrice
[laughing loudly]
Both: You.
Ray, listen, you better
make yourself scarce tonight
'cause Lisa's
got herself a man.
So I hear.
I'm going down to see if I can
unload these b.B. King tickets.
Uh, wait a minute.
A stiff like you
likes b.B. King?
Hey, I have my funky,
- get-down-with-my-bad-self
- moments.
- Well, I can't believe
- we have something in common.
I love b.B. King.
Really?
Well, good night.
Oh, dad, wait!
You should go out
and have fun tonight.
- Why don't you take patrice
- to the concert?
Sweetheart, maybe
I didn't make myself clear.
- These seats are
- next to each other.
Ray, you don't want
to stay home.
- I mean,
- you don't want to be here
When that sea monkey swims by.
Oh, yeah, right.
Well, patrice, uh...
What do you think?
I'll go.
Just don't talk to me
when b.B. Is playing.
Fine. Don't talk to me
when he's not.
Here. See you there.
Not if I can trade this in
for a better seat.
Oh, ray.
I didn't expect you
home so early.
I'm sorry. I hope I'm not
interrupting something.
What? Wait, wait.
Ray...
I'm making a romantic dinner.
- My special
- homemade bouillabaisse.
Oh, your tuna ketchup soup?
Hope you made a maalox
cobbler for dessert.
Well.
What bit him in the butt?
Tamera, what's wrong
with your daddy?
- He's just feeling
- a little blue right now.
Yeah. Good thing he's going
to a blues concert.
He's what?
Yeah, with aunt patrice.
Back up a second.
Your daddy is taking out
my best friend tonight?
Yep. Who'd have thunk it?
Well, certainly not me.
- Girl, you better not come back
- around here no more.
You backstabbing, man-stealing,
skinny-neck, boney-butt,
no-friend friend!
And you, you limo-driving,
saddle-shoe-wearing,
- opera-singing, call-your-mama
- four-times-a-day chump!
You taking her out?
You taking her out?
Well, I'll take you out!
Good evening, Lisa.
Good evening, Raymond.
- Tia, look. They're not speaking
- to each other.
We've got our happy home back.
- Oh, my, you got
- a spot on that silk tie.
- A sharp-dressing man like you
- should not go out like that.
That's a $60 tie!
Well, now it's half off.
- What is wrong with you?
- I'm living with a crazy woman.
Yeah, not for long, you ain't!
Mine!
Mom!
Mom, what are you doing?
I'm marking everything
that's mine.
Mine!
Mine!
Mine!
Tamera: Lisa.
- You want to tell us
- what's going on?
- Girls, I know this is
- going to upset you,
But I cannot live another day
with that ray
"poodlehead" Campbell.
- Tia, you got
- a really big backpack?
Both: No!
This can't be happening!
Oh, it's happening all right.
- And to think I wasted all day
- making dinner
For that-that-that
knobby-kneed knucklehead!
What?
My dad was your mystery man?
Yeah, and the mystery is
what I ever saw
in that-that wombat.
Oh, no, this is all our fault.
- Tamera,
- what are we going to do?
I'm going to tell my daddy.
- That Ben-and-Jerry-eating,
- tuna-soup-cooking,
- Savannah-watching,
- tie-cutting...
Dad, Lisa's moving out.
You've got to do something.
Okay, I will.
Ya-hoo!
Dad...
You don't understand.
Lisa's crazy about you.
What? Then why...
Wh-why did she cut my Calvin?
She's jealous,
- 'cause you're going to take
- patrice out instead of her.
You need to go in there
and talk to her now!
But, honey, I...
I mean, after the way
I carried on like that
- she probably won't even talk
- to me.
Hey, ray.
Hey, Lisa.
Wait a minute.
Why do I get the feeling
- you two had something
- to do with this mess?
Well... maybe 'cause we did.
- We wanted you guys
- to be together.
- But then we realized
- you getting together
Could break us up.
And we didn't want you
to get a divorce.
A divorce?
We haven't even had
a proper first date.
Yeah, but we got scared.
I mean, Roger's parents
were from, you know...
Different planets.
Kind of like you guys.
And their family split up.
- Come on, girls, sit down.
- Come on.
- First of all,
- we're not Roger's parents.
- Good thing, too.
- Roger gets on my last nerve.
- We want this family to stay
- together as much as you do.
We don't know if anything
is going to happen between us.
But you have absolutely
nothing to worry about.
Because if something
does happen,
we promise that
we'll take it very slow.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks, dad.
Nightie-night.
- -Night-night.
- -Good night.
Now that that's over,
- let's get back
- to that romantic dinner.
Go suck it out of the sink.
[Laughter
you got some nerve
name-calling my bouillabaisse.
You got some nerve,
- calling that
- fishy ketchup "bouillabaisse."
Oh, yeah? Well, I got
the recipe from your mama.
My mama?
No, don't go there now.
I guess that's slow enough.
Sit down.
Remember those cute
itty-bitty goldfish I had?
Peaches and herb?
Uh-huh.
And...
I'm blind!
I'm blind!
Tamera: Oh, my gosh!
I tried!
I had to sneeze.