Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 4, Episode 15 - Cafeteria Lady - full transcript

- Okay, what's
- different about us?

Come on. Guess.

No, not the hair.

No, not the sweater.

- Okay, the
- sweater's new

- But that's not
- what we mean.

Give up?

It's this.

Look! We're happy!

Smiling all

the time, see?



Tia, it's a

permanent condition.

Man, I hope so.

- See, I'm dating
- this guy Russell.

- He's really
- sophisticated.

I'm seeing Emmett.

- He's the captain
- of the b-ball team.

Tamera, since when

are you dating him?

I'm not.

I said I'm seeing him.

I see him at practice;

I see him on the bus;

- I see him
- when I close my eyes.



Oh. Hi, Emmett.

You look good in blue.

- Basically, things
- are going great.

Even our basketball team

is on a winning streak.

We creamed the

spartans last week.

Funny. They seemed to have

- a little concentration
- problem.

- Maybe from the
- shock of finding

- Their uniforms
- dyed powder pink.

- Hmm. I wonder
- what kind

- Of twisted little
- cheerleaders

- Would do something
- like that?

- Anyway, everything at school
- is just perfect.

- So get used
- to these smiles

- 'cause something
- tells me

They're here to stay.

- Girls, guess what?
- I got a job.

- I'm going to be working
- at your school.

Surprise.

♪ Talk about a

two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew how

much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go! ♪

- ♪ Never knew
- how much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

wait a minute, mom.

- You got a job
- at our school?

Doing what?

You know old Mrs. Dunwiddy?

Two-ton dunwiddy,

the cafeteria lady?

The one that serves

the food going

"that's one for you

and two for me"?

That's the one.

Well, I'm her.

- Lisa, you got a job
- at the school cafeteria?

That's right.

- I was in for my weekly overhaul
- at the mighty afrodite.

There was Lucy dunwiddy

sitting right next to me

getting a toenail touch-up.

'Course it took her longer

what with that extra toe

of hers and everything.

- Lisa, I have food in front
- of me.

Ooh, thanks.

So, anyway, it turns out

that she's retiring.

- When she found out I was looking
- to make some extra cash

She helped me get the job.

Isn't that wonderful, honey?

I'll be around you

all day long.

Won't that be fun?

Yeah, I guess.

No offense, but don't you need

certain basic culinary skills

to get a job like that?

Ray, I hope

you're not suggesting

that I can't cook.

Last week you made a cherry pie

with bones in it.

I told you... that was just

a couple of press-on nails.

Now let it go, ray.

Let it go.

You guys, what's

the problem?

Have you ever eaten

cafeteria food?

Lisa would fit

in just fine.

Oh, thank you, tamera.

Oh, boy, Lisa going

to be a cafeteria lady.

Wear a plastic corsage

- with Christmas bells
- hanging from it

And maybe some big ole

Frankenstein boots

and a hairnet.

I can't wait to see

her in a hairnet.

'Cause, girl, you're

going to look fine.

I was just kidding.

Can't you take a joke?

No, you weren't.

- Don't hit me
- with my back turned.

Tia, what's wrong?

Weren't you listening?

Tamera, my mother's

going to be right there...

At our school, every day.

So?

So...

- Tamera, school
- is our place.

Look, I love my mom

but I don't think

I want her there...

- Especially wearing
- a hairnet?

I mean, how would you

feel if it was your dad?

Oh, humiliated.

My dad in a hairnet

is plug-ugly.

Tamera...

Oh, Tia, look,

I'm sure if it was my dad

I'd feel a tad concerned,

but Lisa's the cool parent.

- Trust me... she's not going
- to do anything

That's embarrassing.

- ♪ Show you what
- it means to me ♪

♪ Sock it to me,

sock it to me ♪

- ♪ sock it to me,
- sock it to me ♪

Oh, my gosh, look

what Lisa's done

to the lunchroom.

Cool.

Hey, what are all these

people doing on line?

Yeah. Isn't it

deep-fried tuna ball day?

- Hey, there's a new
- cafeteria lady.

She's really wild.

Lisa in the house!

Ooh-ooh.

There's my baby.

Tia and tamera, come on down!

- Excuse us. Pardon me.
- Excuse me.

Personal friends of

the cafeteria lady.

Uh, hi, mom.

Hi, baby.

Give me some sugar.

Oh, oh, never mind.

I'll just give you some.

Don't eat this till you

finish your tuna balls.

- Some hot sauce
- might help that.

- Honey, don't lean
- too close to your plate.

You'll lose your eyebrows.

Thanks, ma.

Wait, wait, here, now,

take some extra tater tots.

My baby loves tater tots!

No, no. Really, mom,

I'm not all that hungry.

I'll take them.

- Better load me up
- with a few

- Of those pudding cups,
- Mrs. Landry.

I got to carb up;

I'm on the team now.

Since when?

Since I figured out

this jacket is a honey magnet.

I've been having to fight

the women off.

Shoo. Get away. Go.

Lisa, he's just

the team mascot.

They gave him the jacket

'cause he cried.

I had my tiger head on.

You can't prove nothing.

See you later, Lisa.

Come on down.

Now, you slide

on down here.

- This ain't
- half bad.

Got that right.

I'm in tater tot heaven.

What's wrong, Tia?

Well, this is

a little embarrassing, okay?

I mean, mom is being so... Mom.

Oh. So?

Tia, she's just having

a little fun.

I'm not embarrassed.

She's not your mother.

Lisa: Come on. You come on

down here, baby doll.

Ooh.

Aw, hi, Lisa.

Rough first day?

Oh, ray, my dogs are howlin'.

After five hours on my feet,

they swelled up so bad

- they exploded
- right out of my shoes.

I don't get it, Lisa.

- Why are you putting yourself
- through all this?

- You have your own business
- making dresses.

Yeah, well, dressmaking ain't

making me no money right now

and what I need now

is extra cash.

For what?

- You going to start
- paying me rent?

- Ooh, that's
- a good one, ray.

No, no, I'm talking

about something important.

I was window shopping

last week

and Tia saw this.

I'm saving it to give it

to her for her prom night.

- Ooh, Lisa,
- this is beautiful

But can you afford it?

Nope. No, I can't, at least

not without this extra job.

Oh, ray, you should have

seen Tia's eyes light up

when she saw this

in the window

- but she didn't
- even ask for it

'cause she knew there was

no way she would get it.

And I'm tired of that, ray.

I am tired of saying

to my child, "someday."

- You know, you could have
- asked me for the money.

We are both tired of that.

Nope. This is a gift

from my heart and my wallet

and my feet, they can

blimp up like banana boats.

It'll be worth it

just to see that look

on my baby's face.

Ooh.

- Oh, baby,
- there you are.

- Didn't you hear
- me honking

- From the car
- after school?

- I wanted to give
- you a ride home.

Oh. Oh, sorry, mom.

I was, um...

I was talking to Russell.

I guess I didn't notice you.

- That that fine boy
- that's taking you to the prom?

I want to meet him.

How about tomorrow?

You mean at school?

In the cafeteria?

Sure. Haul him on over

- to the steam table
- and hook us up.

- If I'm not there,
- bring him to the kitchen.

I'm teaching elma and

dorcas the Lisa limbo.

- Put a Bologna roll
- on a stick

And when you go under,

you take a bite.

Uh, listen, mom.

Are you sure

you like this job?

Ooh, yeah.

Oh, I'm having

a great time. Why?

Eh, no reason.

And, honey, be

on time tomorrow

for the smack-a-snack.

Excuse me?

They said be more creative

with those leftover

deep-fried tuna balls.

- So I filled a
- pinata with them

And you get to swing

the bat first. Pow!

- Wait, girls. Have
- some extra tacos.

- They're really
- moving today

- And I mean,
- really moving.

Ooh, look. There

goes one right now.

- Oh, and, Tia,
- don't forget now.

- I want to meet
- this Russell

- The minute he
- comes in here.

Promise?

Promise.

- Hey, Tia,
- doesn't Russell

- Have study hall
- this period?

Yes, thank goodness.

Hi, Emmett.

Gosh, he even

chews cute.

See you at

the game tonight.

Oh...

I'm so awfully sorry.

Not.

- Marlon, you
- big dumb goon.

- And hello to you,
- too, sweetheart.

You're looking a little faint.

How about a little

mouth-to-mouth, huh?

- How about a little
- fist-to-mouth?

- Yeah, Marlon,
- go choke on your lunch.

I already did... laughing

at that wacked-out weirdo

behind the counter.

- Man, check out
- that sombrero.

- They must be hiring
- right out of clown college.

Hey, you jerk, that

clown's my mother.

Your mother?

Oh, you must

really be proud.

Tia, Marlon's a moron.

Who cares what he

thinks about your mom?

Tamera, tell me the truth?

- What do people think
- about my mom?

What?

Tia, everybody

loves her.

I mean, who wouldn't?

Look at her.

Arriba!

♪ Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi,

I like you very much ♪

♪ why-why-why is it

that when I feel a touch ♪

All:

Tia! Tia?

Are you all right?

Russell, you're supposed

to be in study hall.

Well, I was, but, uh...

The only thing I felt

like studying was you.

I'm taking my break right now.

Wait right there, and I'll

bring you a Lisa quesadilla.

- Boy, that new cafeteria lady
- is really friendly.

You know her?

Oh. Me?

Um, listen, um...

- It's awfully hot in here;
- don't you think?

Come on.

Let's get

out of here.

♪ When we say "go,"

you say "tigers" ♪

- All:
- Tigers!

- All:
- Tigers!

Roar!

- Man, Tia,
- you thought

- Your mom was
- embarrassing.

It took me half an hour

- to talk him out of
- bringing pom-poms.

Well, I don't have

to worry tonight.

- Mom's so wiped from working
- in the cafeteria

There's no chance

she'll show up.

Lisa in the gym!

Snack bar's open.

Whoo! At-at-at-at-at.

Roger, paws off.

These are for the team.

The mascot's part of the team.

You keep telling

yourself that.

Mom...

What are you doing here?

I couldn't let you down.

- I wanted you
- to know I'd be there

For you and your friends.

A b-ball?

I just whipped them up.

- What are
- these things?

- My last batch
- of deep-fried tuna balls.

- I made the seams
- out of cheez whiz

And if you dip them in this,

they make little slam dunkers.

Two points.

- Well, uh,
- thanks a lot, mom

But why don't you sit

in the stands, way...?

Tia, Tia.

You were great out there.

Russell.

Russell?

- Tia, aren't you going to
- introduce us?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure,

but first, um...

Russell could you

go get me a root beer?

- I'll get a can
- from the machine.

No, no, no.

- Would you mind
- getting me a bottle

- From the 7-Eleven
- across the street

Down the block?

Uh, Tia, would you

mind telling me...

What's going on here?

I got to go.

Tamera, are you okay?

- You look
- a little weird.

Actually, my

stomach feels funny.

- Well, maybe you
- better sit down.

Are you kidding?

- Emmett's looking
- right at me.

- I finally got
- his attention.

Give me an "r"!

- All:
- "R"!

You go, punkin'!

- Did he have to
- mention "pumpkin"?

Give me an "o"!

- All:
- "O"!

Oh...

All:

"Oh..."

- What's the matter,
- honey buns?

Excuse me.

Ooh, honey bun.

That did it.

Oh, tamera.

- Honey, you
- feeling faint?

- Maybe you need
- something to eat.

Oh, no, thanks.

I think that's

what made me sick.

My tuna balls?

Well, it can't be;

I had one myself.

- 'Course,
- I may have built up

A natural immunity

to my own cooking.

Oh, my gosh.

Mom, you gave them

to the team.

I did, but come on now.

They're not my tuna balls

- 'cause look,
- the team is just fine...

- Except for number ten
- over there.

- Ray:
- Yeah, and number 44

Looks a little

sick, too.

You can't count number 12

- 'cause nine hit him
- on the way down.

How could you do this to me?

You? Hello?

I'm the twin

with the tuna ball ptomaine.

I'll make it up to you

and your friends.

I'll bring some olives

to the cafeteria

- and teach everyone
- to spit pits for distance.

Just whatever you want, mom.

It's not like I'll be there.

What?

Tia, what do you mean?

Mom, you know what

I had for lunch today?

A cracker I found

in my pocket.

I can't stay

in that lunchroom, mom.

I'm just too...

Too... too what?

Embarrassed?

Embarrassed by me?

Mom... I don't want

to hurt your feelings

but ever since

you showed up at school

it's been really hard for me.

School was going great.

Mom, now it's ruined.

Well... for somebody

who didn't want

to hurt my feelings

- you doing a heck
- of a job.

- Announcer:
- Attention, please.

Someone is passing around

tainted tuna balls.

It was the cafeteria lady!

I've just been informed

it was the cafeteria lady.

- She's right...
- Marlon.

Marlon, leave her alone.

Tia's mom poisoned

the whole team.

There you go, peaches.

Oh, dad, no offense

but, uh, could you drop

the food-related nicknames

just for tonight?

Oh, I'm sorry, puddin'.

I mean sweetie pie.

Uh... tamera.

Oh, boy.

If this bathroom

gave frequent-flier miles

I'd be going to Europe tomorrow.

What you got there, Tia?

Mom wrote me a note.

She's finding another job,

and tomorrow's her last day.

Tia, your mother is very hurt.

Don't you think

you owe her an apology?

Ray, she poisoned

the whole basketball team.

Good point, and, um...

- And I'm not saying
- she doesn't owe you an apology

- I just meant...
- Can I think for a second?

I'm a little confused.

Just... just forget it, ray.

Look, I know I hurt her feelings

and I don't feel good about it

but an apology wouldn't help.

She's not talking to me.

What makes you think that?

It says so right here.

"I'm not talking to you."

Ray, I love my mom.

I really do

- but I just wish
- she would have thought about me

- Before she took a job
- at my school.

Oh. Well...

I can't argue with that.

- Lisa has her good points,
- but let's face it...

She can be pretty darn selfish.

You got that right.

- Like the time
- you sprained your wrist?

She actually stayed up all night

long typing your term paper.

The nerve of her.

See, I was...

Remember when you wanted tickets

to see boyz ii men?

- How dare her stand in line
- in the rain to get them for you.

Well, I was...

And if I'm not mistaken

she wrestled security guards

so you could go backstage.

Okay. Okay, ray.

You're right.

She does an awful lot

of things for me.

Well, let me bring it

on home for you.

And if you tell your

mother I showed you this

I'll lie like a dog.

It's...

It's that necklace I wanted.

Ray, how could mom

ever afford this?

She couldn't.

That's why she took

that extra job...

To pay it off.

- She wanted to
- make you happy.

Oh, man.

I hurt her so much.

Ray, what am I going to do?

You're going to have

to gobble down

- a big old slab
- of humble pie.

Ohh...

Sorry, cupcake!

Oh...

Gosh, it's like

a morgue in here.

It's a Lisa boycott.

The team took a beatin'.

So nobody's eatin'.

Oh, no.

How long has this

been going on?

Well, the cafeteria opened

at 11:30, so...

Pretty much since 11:30.

Poor mom. I tried

to talk to her last night

but she went to her room

and locked the door.

Roger, what am

I going to do?

Hey, you guys!

Great news!

The basketball coach

is throwing up!

Hey, my uncle Ernie's

got bronchitis.

Go throw yourself a party.

Anyway, everybody listen up.

Look, Lisa didn't

poison the team.

The spartans did.

- They were getting
- back at us

For dyeing their

uniforms pink.

You mean...

It wasn't my tuna balls?

No, Lisa.

See, the spartans sent

a box of brownies

to the locker room

before the game.

- So everyone who ate one
- got sick.

Man, I'm glad I didn't

eat one of them.

Well, duh, 'cause

you gave yours to me.

See, it wasn't the tuna balls

'cause the coach didn't eat any

but he did bring home

some brownies.

Now, he and his whole family

are fighting for the bathroom.

Lisa's innocent!

- What's the matter
- with you people?

Up till today, you loved

having my mom work here.

The only one having a hard time

with it was me.

Well, I was wrong.

Okay, okay, okay.

She's a room rocker,

but so what?

I'm happy to be

in any room she's rockin'

'cause I'm proud of her...

And I want her to stay.

Come on, tamera.

What are we doing?

Getting lunch.

- What's on
- the menu, mom?

Sloppy Joes.

Um, is there a second choice?

Perhaps a clear broth?

Tamera.

Two sloppy Joes, please.

Tia, you must be hungry.

One of them's for you.

Mmm... delicious.

Now...

Who's with us?

Lisa:

Okay.

Okay, step right up.

I'll be right back.

Thank you, baby.

No, mom.

Thank you.

Oh, and, um, by the way

there's someone I want

to introduce you to.

Russell?

This is my mom.

Oh.

What's the matter

with you people?

Up till today, you loved

having my mom work here.

The only one having a hard time

with it was me.

Well, I was wrong.

Okay, okay, okay.

She's kind of a room wocker...

Room wocker?

You mean...

It wasn't my tuna balls?

No, Lisa.

See, the spartans sent

a brox of... brox of...