Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 4, Episode 11 - Some Like It Hockey - full transcript

Both: Boys!

Man, I need some room

to cool down.

I'm sorry, but maybe

you better back off.

See, there's this fine boy

in school, Jesse,

- and I've been trying
- to get next to him since...

- What are you doing
- way back there?

Come here. Come here.

Anyway, during lunch,



- I slipped
- this heart-shaped post-it

Into his chicken burrito.

Pretty romantic, huh?

Well, the big dope ate it.

It's just not fair.

-Tell me about it.

That dog, Marlon baker,

was elected class president,

- even though he was passing
- these out.

"It's a man's world,

so let a man do the job."

Excuse me, but we women

are just as intelligent

and focused as any man.



Right, tamera?

Huh?

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- I wasn't listening.

- Do you think this would fit
- in a puddin' cup?

I am so alone.

- ♪ Talk about
- a two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew

how much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go! ♪

- ♪ Never knew
- how much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go ♪

Ray... ray, help me.

Help me, ray.

I've been ambushed.

- Oh, my god. Lisa,
- what happened?

Oh, it was horrible!

- I was standing in line
- at Freddie's fabric world

- Eating free candy
- at the register

Like I always do,

and this punk

pulled out some scissors.

He attacked you?

Not me.

My visa.

Nothing left but visa's pieces.

- You maxed out another
- credit card, huh?

- I swear, Lisa. Put one of those
- things in your hand,

- You're like a kid
- in a candy store,

- Especially when you're
- in a candy store.

If I could work and make enough

money to get out of debt,

if I could just launch

my large and luscious line,

but I need supplies,

fabric, thread,

a great big dummy and...

Speaking of which...

Ray...

Do you love me?

I'm quite fond of you, yes.

- -Then give me your credit card.
- No!

-Ray! Ray!

-No!

Oh, you ugly anyway.

You going skating, honey?

Yep. I'm going to knock

a puck around the rink

- and pretend
- it's Marlon baker's head.

Those guys still giving

you girls a bad time?

Mom, it's like all of a sudden

boys rule the school

- and we're second-class
- citizens.

Like all we're good for

is batting our eyelashes

and looking cute for them.

Tia, is Jesse going

to think I'm cute or what?

Tamera, you're not really

helping out the cause, okay?

Ooh, lighten up, Tia.

Jesse's not one

of Marlon's morons.

-He's really sweet.

Hey, hey, hey

what about I skate around

and fall down and...

Pretend to twist

my itty-bitty ankle?

- Guys love it
- when you're helpless.

We have to talk in the car.

Hello?

Carmine's credit crunchers?

- Yeah, is it true that
- you can restore my credit,

No questions asked?

Ooh, wonderful.

Yes, my name is Lisa Landry...

-Hello?

Man on TV: Call now.

We've only got a few left.

And, ladies,

how about this combination

sewing machine, mini bar?

- Ooh, I could wet my whistle
- while I work.

- We'll open up your
- own shop-at-home credit line,

Absolutely free.

Oh, no, I shouldn't.

But why not?

Ooh, ray would kill me.

- Who's going to tell him?
- Not me.

Ooh, you got yourself a deal.

Tamera!

Hey, are you okay?

-Oh, oh.

-You all right?

Jesse, my ankle, it's...

It's... it's...

Suddenly much better.

You're a pretty good skater.

Who, me?

Oh, you're a much

better skater than I am.

- Well, maybe, but you look
- a lot better in that skirt.

Marlon: Whoa. Hello.

Tia: Marlon,

I should have known.

Hey, Tia. Anyone ever tell you

that you skate like a girl?

Well, thanks for

the compliment.

- But with a little practice,
- you could too.

Hey, guys, would you

give me my puck?

- What, Tia,
- are you going to cry?

- Marlon, what do you think
- you're doing, man?

- What? I'm just getting
- a little practice in, my man.

- Hockey team tryouts
- are tomorrow.

Sorry, ladies, but you're going

to have to clear the ice.

What for?

Well, you're not thinking

- of going out
- for the team, are you?

I might.

You got a problem with that?

Oh, no, but your mommy would.

- You could get hurt,
- little girl,

Playing a big boy's game.

What? Why you knock-kneed,

bumpy-headed, wish-you-shaved

puck-for-brains...

You know, me, I'd love

to go one-on-one with you

but, well...

You might break a nail.

- Look...
- Hockey's guys only, babe.

School policy. Sorry.

Hey, I'm sorry about them.

If it was up to me,

I'd let girls try out.

We're all equal, right?

Thanks, Jesse.

You got to love him.

But I don't make up the rules.

- Tell you what, tamera,
- since neither one of us

- Believe in this
- "me-man, me-in-charge" thing,

- Why don't you
- be the one to call me?

Yes! Whoa!

- Hey, Chet.
- Yeah, yeah, it's me again.

I'd like to place another order

on my instant credit.

- Man on telephone:
- And what'll it be, Lisa?

I like it the lucite tiara

- and the matching
- dangle-drop earrings

With the live fish in them.

- I got a pair of pumps
- that'll go fierce with those.

- Man: We I'll try it...
- -Extra pepperoni with that.

Thank you.

Oh...

Big, strong man.

Oh, look at those

wide shoulders.

Bring it on over here, daddy.

- Hmm...
- What do you have in mind?

Well, close your eyes.

Hey!

Ray, you've got to help me out.

- I promise when I get my first
- large and luscious dress

I'll get a real big dummy.

Well, I feel like one already.

Tia, I totally agree.

I myself believe

a woman has the right

to do anything a man does.

Thanks, Roger.

And if you, a woman,

want to take me, a man, out...

- Pay for dinner,
- pay for the movies

And have your way with me,

I give you my firm support.

Both: Oh, brother.

- -Hey, dad.
- -Hey, ma.

Ooh, ray! You go, girl.

Yeah, dad, take a walk

on the wild side.

Very funny.

- You know,
- if you weren't so pouty,

- Maybe somebody would take you
- to the sizzler.

- Hey,
- I'm just doing Lisa a favor.

- So you guys just
- drop the jokes, okay?

Okay, you got it, dad.

By the way,

- what do you want
- for mother's day?

Tamera, don't tease

your daddy now.

You can take a break now...

Raypaul.

- How much longer
- is this going to last?

- I refuse to watch the pistons
- game in a cocktail dress.

Mr. Campbell.

- If I was to watch
- the game with you

- Would that be construed
- as a date?

Go home, Roger.

Yes, ma'am.

If I had my hands free...

- Would you please
- help me out of this?

Sure.

- So, did you have fun
- down at the rink?

No. They won't

even let us try out

- for the hockey team
- just 'cause we're girls.

Excuse me, but that's

gender discrimination.

It sure is. And I know

a little bit about that.

What do you mean?

Well, when I was eight

- my mom bought me
- a ventriloquist's dummy.

Bobo j. Hobo.

I was so proud.

- But when I went down
- to the playground

- All the other boys
- start chanting.

"Raymie's got a Dolly!"

It wasn't a Dolly!

It was a dummy!

There's a big difference.

Just go look it up.

Uh, ray,

is this going anywhere?

Yes, yes.

You see, I had

my mom send it back.

- Well,
- if I had it to do over again

- I'd stand up
- to those little thugs,

- Because nobody has the right
- to deny you anything

Based on some

sexual stereotyping.

So don't you let them.

Thanks, ray.

Help me. Help me!

I'm trapped in a box.

Help me. Let me out.

Let me out.

I could have

opened for Sinatra!

Tia, are you crazy?

Oh, come on, tamera.

We can ace those tryouts.

But I don't want to be

on the boy's hockey team.

Tamera, tamera,

we don't have to.

We just want them to want us.

And they will,

- 'cause we're every bit
- as good as they are.

I don't know, Tia.

Oh, come on, tamera.

Just imagine the look

on Jesse's face

when he sees you snapping off

a shot from the slot.

He likes women

to be equal to men.

He'll be all over you

like dip on a chip.

Dip on a chip?

Mm-hmm.

You really think so?

But Tia,

- they're not even going
- to let us try out.

No girls allowed, remember?

Oh, I think there might

be a way around that.

- Tia: Hurry up, tamera!
- Goodness!

- I knew you were going
- to make us be late.

Tamera: Me? You're the one

- that spent two hours
- on her hair.

- Tia: Hey, looks are important
- at something like this, okay?

Look, here they come.

Hey, you guys here for tryouts?

Uh-huh.

- We're not going
- to get away with this.

Tamera. Those bozos

bought us as guys, didn't they?

- All we got to do
- is make them beg us

To be on the team.

Tia! I feel funny

about fooling Jesse!

He told me I was the only girl

he'd ever cry in front of.

Tamera, tamera, tamera.

- When Jesse finds
- out what we did

He'll go crazy for you,

and Marlon will just go crazy.

So... we'll both be happy.

Come on, now.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Hey, coach,
- we got a couple walk-ons.

Oh, yeah!

Hey, you two

got your paperwork?

Uh-huh.

Oh, you're from Canada, huh?

Yeah!

Tamera: We...

Oui, oui, oui.

French-Canadian.

I am jacque.

And I am...

Jeel.

Well, it's great

to have you here.

- You're going to need
- some practice jerseys,

-so go suit up.

Suit up?

Suit up?

Uh, you mean in there?

Oh, no! Oh, no! No, no no.

No, no, no.

We French-Canadians...

How you say...

Dress alone.

Hey, no stars on this team,

mon ami?

- We all take our pants off
- the same way.

Side by side.

Well, now what?

Jacque?

Well, don't ask me, jeel.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Uh...

Is one of you guys wearing

love's baby soft?

I forgot, okay?

- Tamera,
- is that you in there?

Roger! Shh! Be quiet. Yes.

Just don't tell anyone, okay?

Don't worry, I won't.

- For a moment there,
- I was attracted to you

And that's a moment

I'd rather forget.

- Roger,
- we're dressed like guys...

Please. I don't need to know

all the sordid details.

- First your dad's
- in a fetching ensemble,

And then this?

- No wonder you always tell me:
- "Go home, Roger."

What do you guys do

when I'm not there?

Roger...

You guys need help,

even if you do smell good.

All right, gentlemen.

- There's some empty lockers
- next to mine.

Let's go change.

Yeah, change, yeah.

Whoa!

- That big girl's
- got it going on!

- ["The star spangled baner"
- playing]

- Lisa, why do we have
- a cookie jar

That plays the national anthem?

Hey, those nilla wafers

were baked in america, buddy.

Okay, okay.

- I got them on credit
- from the shop-at-home network.

What? Somebody gave you credit?

Ooh, and lots of it!

Ray, it was a 70s sitcom

supper sale.

Look, look...

Chico and the man oven mitts.

Welcome back, kotter

cookie cutters.

Facts of life food fryer.

Lisa, Lisa.

Don't you see

what's going on here?

Your spending problem

- has become
- a full-blown addiction.

- You're hooked on the
- shop-at-home network.

You're out of control!

Ray, that is just stupid.

I am not hooked on nothing!

I can quit any time I want.

Yeah, right, you can quit.

Anytime.

- Lisa Landry?
- You ordered a milking machine?

- Oh, help me, ray.
- There's a cow coming tomorrow.

- Oh, you guys see
- those babes at rocket burger?

They were checking us out, man!

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So, tell us, Canada.

- What are the girls like
- where y'all are from?

Ooh, uh, uh,

we respect our women.

In sports, they play with us

side-by-side.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't mind

- a couple girls
- in our locker room.

You know, serving cokes,

picking up our dirty towels.

Hey, Jess, maybe we can

get that little honey

in the flirt skirt,

who made a power play for you.

Yeah, tamera. Oh, yeah,

she's a honey, all right.

Ah, you like her, oui?

Like her?

I own her.

- When I say "jump,"
- she's all over me like a coat.

You know what I'm saying?

Girlfriend's got it bad.

Ah, oui?

Hey, Marlon, I told her:

"You're the only girl

I'll cry in front of."

You're a dog, playing

that pretty thing.

You know what I'm saying?

-Woof, woof!

Hey, you like her?

- When I kick her to the curb,
- you can get with her.

- Hey, Canada,
- let's get on the ice, eh?

Oh, he is mine!

He is so mine.

Come on, let's go kick

some hockey butt.

Yeah!

- Okay, Lisa,
- here comes another one.

- Man on TV:
- And what den would be complete

Without this

incredibly realistic

stuffed squirrel collection?

- Oh, ray, please,
- just let me have one squirrel.

The one with the derby!

No, Lisa!

You can kick this habit,

- but you got to do it
- cold Turkey.

Okay.

Okay, you're right.

Hoo!

Hoo!

Yeah... hoo!

Hoo, you know, I feel like

I really can go

through with this.

All thanks to you.

Bless you, ray Campbell.

Well, Lisa, sometimes in life

you have to dig deep

- to find your inner strength.
- I'm just providing the shovel.

- Well. Now that I'm on the
- road to recovery

- How about a hunk
- of celebration pie?

Sounds good to me.

Oh, no, no. You sit.

You let me do

something for you.

- Man on TV:
- These squirrels are going fast.

- You know who we
- haven't heard from in a while?

Lisa from Detroit.

Lisa, are you out there?

Come on, Lisa. Give us a call!

- Well, just forget about it,
- pally.

- She doesn't need your kind
- anymore.

- Lisa on TV: I'm here, Chet,
- but I got to talk fast.

I want the whole set.

Oh, oh, and six flowbees

and the mink porta-potty

and I want... hey!

- Ray on TV: Give me that phone!
- Don't you bite me.

Lisa: Chet, Chet, help!

- All right, listen up,
- listen up.

This will be a scrimmage.

Canada boys, play forward.

Tia: Jeel, on the wing!

Hurry, jeel!

Go deep.

Drop it back.

Boy: Watch out!

- Tamera: You're all alone,
- Jacques!

Jesse: Blast away, mon ami.

Lisa: Woo-woo-woo!

Tamera: Yeah, yeah!

Tia: So, are we good?

- Come on,
- let me hear you say it.

Okay, Canada, all right.

You're good, you're great.

Yeah, you can play.

Right...

But not with you.

Tamera!

Girls!

That's right, little fella.

You all just got creamed

by a couple of girls.

Game over.

Yeah!

- ["The star-spangled banner"
- playing]

Oh, tamera.

That kid Jesse called again.

- Are you ever going
- to return his calls?

Let me think.

No.

Hey, we'll see you guys later.

We're going to the rink.

- Somebody better warn Marlon
- you're coming back.

Oh, he won't be there.

- Since he got whupped
- by a couple of girls

He hides out in

the boy's bathroom.

Yeah, it's safer there.

No girls allowed.

Hey, thanks for telling me

to stand up for myself, ray.

You're a real inspiration.

Thanks, dad.

Lisa: Oh.

I... I guess I owe you

a "thank you" too.

No, no.

You know, thanks to you

I can actually watch

that shopping channel now

- and not feel
- the urge to splurge. Look.

Man on TV: And coming up next,

an incredible collectable

you can't possibly resist.

You just watch me.

Boy, how anybody could buy

that junk is beyond me.

- Man on TV: Oh, I bet
- you haven't seen these

Since you were a kid.

Bobo j. Hobo.

Yeah, this little fellow

- will make you
- the life of the party.

Come on, pick up the phone.

Pick up the phone.

Oh, he may look funny

- but one thing's for sure,
- this little guy is no dummy.

Hello, Chet?

- Nobody has the right
- to deny you anything

Based on some stereotyping,

sexual thing.

Huh?

I know! I've been trying...

Oh, I really, I really believe

I could, I can go get go-gi-ga.

-Gi-geh-go-gi?

- See, it's happening to you now.
- You got the goo-goos!

Oh, he is mine.

He is so mine!

Let's go kick some hockey butt.