Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 3, Episode 5 - Grandpa Campbell - full transcript

Ray's ne'er-do-well dad turns the household upside-down.

We have this big economics

project going at school

- where we learn
- how to run a business.

- We get fake some money,
- stock or inventory

- And sell the merchandise
- to the other kids.

- The student with the most money
- at the end of project.

Gets their name

on a cool trophy.

Oh, wow!

Ignore her.

My friend marcia and I



are selling jewelry.

- -Hi, marcia.
- -Hi, Tia. Hi, tamera.

So what's the first

order of business

for the t&M

jewelry company?

The first order of business

is changing the name

to the m&T jewelry company.

Well, why don't

we negotiate this

just like real business people?

-Good idea.

-Okay. Call it.



Heads.

Bummer.

♪ Talk about

a two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew how

much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go! ♪

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- ♪ Never knew
- how much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go ♪

- Tamara, we've known about this
- project for weeks.

When are you getting to work?

- Hey, it's just
- a rinky-dink school project

And for your information,

I am working.

Roger, will you hurry up

with our project!

- We're going to be late
- for school!

Tamera, when

I'm working for you

I'm always on golden time.

Okay, how's this for a slogan?

"More bangles for your buck."

Go, girl!

Ah, tamera, how's that

punch company going?

Dad, this project is just

for the geeks and gorkuses

who are totally into it.

- Tamera, you'll learn - a lot about having
- Your own business.

It could come in handy.

Dad, I'm not a seller.

I'm a shopper.

You know business it's simple.

- You just have to make - a great product,
- Know your Mark

And above all,

work very very hard.

See? There's always a catch.

- You're a successful
- businessman.

- Maybe you can give
- us some advice.

Let's not trouble daddy.

Come on.

It won't be any trouble at all.

That's real nice...

- You getting involved
- with tamera's schoolwork.

- It is a communication
- between a parent and child

- Is a key to making this place
- a better planet.

Hello?

Yeah...

What do you want?

What? Now?

Okay.

- -Who was that?
- -My father.

- He's on his way here now
- from the airport.

He wants something.

I know it. What is it?

- Maybe he's just dropping by
- to say hello.

My father isn't

a drop-by-to-say-hello

kind of a guy.

He shows up every five years,

always for the same reason...

He either wants money or a safe

haven till things blow over.

He sounds interesting.

You sure he's your father?

Problem is tamera idolizes him.

- She doesn't know
- what he's really like.

Hmm.

Ray, look.

- You getting very,
- very agitated.

- Look at your foot.
- It's shaking just like a dog - When you scratch his belly.

It's my father.

Here. Hide that.

Sonny!

- How you... how you doing,
- Jimmy?

Well?

-Oh, yeah.

-Ahh!

Can this be little tamera?

How about a great big hug?

No, no, Mr. Campbell, I'm Lisa.

I'm terribly sorry, Lisa.

How about a great big hug?

- Lisa is Tia's mother.
- I wrote you about her.

- I guess you didn't
- get the letter.

- I'm having trouble
- getting my mail.

I been in this

witness protection program

for a few months.

Ray told me you lived

on the edge, Mr. Campbell.

Oh please. My friends

call me soupy.

Ohh, I get it...

Because your name is Campbell.

No. Because I'm always

in hot water.

- Oh, ray, your little
- daddy's so adorable.

Yeah.

- Well, how about
- some coffee, soupy?

I'd prefer if you'd brew this.

It's kowloon poy San tea

- from the premiere
- of Singapore's private stock.

It's part

of my latest venture...

A string of tearooms.

- I figure that coffeehouse
- craze has peaked.

Isn't tearooms

a great idea, ray?

No.

So...

- Looks like you're
- doing pretty good

In your limousine

business, son, hmm?

Moving on up.

All right, come on, Jimmy.

- How much you want - me to invest in
- This tearoom scam?

Oh, sorry, but that scam...

Deal has been fully funded.

Okay, here you go.

Oh, isn't that cute?

Like father, like son.

Oh, the fact is,

I do have a bit of bad news.

Aha! I knew you'd get

- to the real reason
- you showed up.

- Your mother and I
- are getting divorced.

Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, soupy.

Wait. He walked out

on my mother 17 years ago.

All right.

So I'm not totally blameless

but it still hurts.

Yeah, right.

- It made me realize that I was
- taking my family for granted.

- I know I was never around
- when you were growing up

And I know that damage is done.

But I would like to spend

some time with

my granddaughter.

- Yeah, sure,
- with proper supervision.

Maybe you two need to be alone.

Oh, I know you

must really be hurt.

- I know what happens to men
- when I dump them.

I'm devastated.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-mm-mm.

Maybe this was the jolt

you needed, Jimmy.

As they say in Singapore...

Mm-hmm.

Which means?

"That woman be fine."

- Oh, I'm sorry, son.
- Where were we?

You were feeling devastated?

Yeah, right.

Don't worry, marcia.

We'll sell a bracelet tomorrow.

Oh, my gosh, Tia.

I've been wearing

one of our bracelets

all day and look.

It turned my wrist green.

Ew!

Well, just wear a lot

of yellows and browns.

- Cool. Hey, I'll see you
- tomorrow.

- -Okay. Bye.
- -Bye.

-There she is!

-What?!

My little tan buttercup!

Help! Ee-ya!

Grandpa!

No, no, I give up!

- Grandpa,
- it's me tamera.

Oops. I am so rude.

Grandpa, this is

my twin sister, Tia.

Yeah, we've met.

I am sorry I kicked you,

but I didn't have

my pepper spray.

- Please to meet you sir
- my name's Roger.

Hi, Roger.

- Tamara is always
- talking about you.

- Didn't you use to run track
- at north western?

No, I was run

out of north western.

Oh! This must be

that school project

- your father
- was telling me about.

Yeah. Pretending to run a

business, talk about lame.

Lame? There's nothing more fun

than chewing up the competition

- and spitting them out
- like bad meat.

How will I do that with

something as weeny as punch?

Oh-ho!

Are you kidding me?

That's a cinch.

Step into my office.

The first thing you got to do

is cut your

production cost, okay?

Ah, here we go.

Mm. Okay.

- Now take this,
- pour half here like this.

Aha! Okay.

We add a little h2o.

Shake, shake, shake.

Voila! taste that.

It tastes about the same.

Of course.

- You have just doubled
- your profits.

Hey, here's another great idea.

You create a demand.

Give away salty pretzels

with your punch.

- But Alfie cisneros already had
- the pretzel booth.

Hey!

We could merge with Alfie,

eventually buy him out

- and then slowly but surely
- ruin the other kids.

Now you got it.

Mr.campbell

do you have any tips

to boost the bracelet business?

- I heard they turn
- your wrist green.

Well, we just have

to turn a negative

into a positive.

Ah! Advertise them

as mood bracelets.

Yeah!

You could tell people

that green is serene.

Exactly. You're a natural.

- Well, that doesn't seem
- to be honest.

You sure you two are related?

Mm-hmm.

Uh-uh. Lisa, you are an artist

and the frying pan

is your canvas.

I don't mean to sound fresh

- but we should take you public
- and franchise you.

- Oh, soupy, I never been called
- a franchise before.

I've only been privately held.

Oh, boy.

- My wife used to
- fix me breakfast.

Now my life is just

one big, fat regret.

- Want another stack of waffles?
- That always makes - Me feel better.

No, no. I'm fine.

- How about I take you
- out to dinner tonight?

If you don't mind

the company of a bum.

- Oh come on soupy.
- You are not a bum.

- I'd be honored to go to dinner
- with you. My treat.

No! Soupy Campbell has never

let a woman pick up his check.

I insist we split it.

- That's the least I could do
- for imposing.

Oh no soupy,

you are not imposing.

I better clean up your room

- check your laundry
- and take back your videos.

Man, these pretzels are salty.

I need a cup of punch.

I'm afraid the prices

have gone up. It's now three.

It was one a few minutes ago.

D-ohh! You're gouging me, man.

We ought to try

some of these creative

marketing methods

- or else put a fork in us...
- We're done.

- Yeah, but how do
- we water down jewelry?

We don't have any choice.

Mood bracelets!

Green is serene!

Get your mood bracelets!

Please?

Oh, I had a lovely time

at dinner tonight.

So did I.

- Oh, by the way
- I loved how you performed

- The heimlich maneuver on me
- and I wasn't even choking.

- How about a little
- bedtime story?

- I'm a little too old
- for a bedtime story.

- Okay, we'll just
- skip the story.

You little devil.

- I'm going to lock
- my door tonight.

Well, ray, I had a great time

with Lisa tonight.

Yeah, that's nice.

- You know, Lisa could
- be your next mother.

Hmm, that's nice.

Good night, son.

Yeah, good night, Jimmy.

What?!

Hey, tamera, your company's

doing real well.

- That was a good move
- to buy out that blow pop guy.

Yeah, but I hardly

have any money left.

In that case you have to use

the business principle of

o.p.m.

-"O.p.m."?

-Other people's money.

You sell shares

of your companies

to the other kids.

- Use the capital
- to buy more companies

To make more money,

and eventually...

Wait a minute.

- You can't skip out
- to The Bahamas.

- Well, by that time
- the project will be over.

Man, you make business

sound like such fun.

- What about you Tia?
- How you doing, Tia?

Not so good.

- After selling my so-called
- "mood" bracelets

- I had a hard time looking
- at myself in the mirror.

Hey, I've been there.

Here's a little trick.

- When you look in the mirror,
- avoid eye contact.

Focus on your nose.

Oh...

Ha.

Mm.

Green is not serene.

Ooh, it's permanent.

I can't believe it.

- He's got everybody in this
- house bamboozled.

Tamera's roped in, and beware,

he's working on Tia.

Well, I'm all for it

- if it'll help her unload
- these dumb bracelets.

- Am I the only one
- who can see through him?

- Apparently!
- You're too close to him.

- Because you got too much
- emotional baggage.

- Yeah, I got a lot of
- emotional baggage, all right.

I got a complete matching set.

I got a garment, carry-on

two-suiter, overnight,

and a tote.

- Believe me, sooner or later,
- he's going to hurt you.

Hurt me? How can he hurt me?

I'm bigger than him.

- To let him tell it,
- you two are an item.

He's even thinking

about marriage.

- Ooh. Our dark
- little secret is out.

We're going to elope

and I'll become

your wicked stepmother.

Then I'll take you

to the cellar

and beat you.

- You know why I am
- going to beat you ray,

- I am gonna beat you
- because you are dumb enough

- To even think I'd consider
- marrying your father.

I feel sorry for the poor man.

- He's divorced, he's broke,
- and he's short.

These are mercy dates.

You're dating because

you feel sorry for him?

Yeah.

Oh, I see what's going on here.

- You're worried about being
- like your father, aren't you?

Well, you're nothing like him.

Thank you.

- He's charming,
- adventurous, exciting

Captivating...

Oh, ambidextrous.

Thank you very much.

Memo.

Roger. I want to take over

Pete's peanut brittle

and I want it now.

Oh, by the way Tia...

- Have you thought
- about my offer?

We feel the need to diversify

into casual apparel.

Sorry, tamera. Nothing doing.

T&m jewelry is not for sale.

Hey! All the businesses

in tamera industries

thrive and grow.

Look.

Check out this chart

- I had somebody else make for
- me.

This is all since last Tuesday.

You mean "bloody Tuesday"?

Tia, you're my sister...

And I love you, babe...

But this is business.

I take no prisoners.

Here are today's receipts, t.C.

We'll do lunch.

I think you'll be very happy.

Mm-hmm.

What?

- Either hand it over
- or stand still for a frisking.

Okay, I choose frisking.

And take your time.

Just hand it over.

I need a little mad money.

Ever heard of profit sharing?

Hi, marcia. Come on.

We've got to strategize.

Tia, I've got

good news and bad news.

The good news is

I'm selling my half

of the t&M jewelry company

to tamera.

That's the good news?

Well, then what's the bad news?

- The bad news is I bet you hate
- the good news.

Here's our standard contract.

- Just sign these in triplicates,
- initial here

And put your phone number here.

- Just a minute,
- I want to talk with you.

-Not right now, ray.

-Oh, yes, right now.

- Well, it's official.
- In just three days

- You've turned tamera
- into Leona Helmsley.

- I was just trying to help
- my granddaughter.

- That's not what
- I'm talking about.

You managed to undo

every value I tried

to instill in her.

Values I didn't get from you.

Look, I can understand

why you're angry, son.

- And as long as you're
- already angry

- I got a little
- confession to make.

When I first came here

- I wasn't really that upset
- about your mother leaving me.

- It was the excuse I was using
- to get some free eats

Catch some zs,

and get a little closer

to the Canadian border.

I knew it. You had everybody

eating out of your hand.

But not Mr. Killjoy.

I knew you were up to no good.

- It all hit me
- like a ton of bricks

- When the love
- of my life dumped me.

Well, maybe mom

will take you back.

Mom?!

I'm talking about Lisa.

- Lisa's already
- the love of your life?

I work fast.

I thought she felt

the same way about me

but I guess I was wrong.

There's a laugh...

Me, the sucker.

The Mark.

The foil.

The sap.

The pigeon.

The rube.

- Well, now maybe you can grow
- into a better person

A better father...

A better grandfather.

Maybe. Anyway, I got

to be shoving off tomorrow.

- I told you, I still got
- that tea deal brewing.

Right. The tea deal.

You're running away again.

Just like when I was a kid.

- What you are talking about
- you turned out fine.

You got a nice house.

You got a family.

What are you complaining about?

It had nothing to do with you.

Yes, it did have to do with me

- because if I was there,
- none of this

Would have happened.

- Take your profits
- where you can.

I didn't mean that.

- I wish you were there,
- that's all.

Yeah, well

I wish I'd been there myself.

- Maybe i'd
- have turned out better.

Tamera, what's the matter?

The bottom fell out.

Of your companies?

No, the cups!

The stupid cups were faulty.

No, they weren't faulty.

I did that.

Why did you sabotage my cups?

Because, I took my sweet

little granddaughter

and I turned her into

a power-hungry egomaniac.

So, I decided

to teach you a lesson

and the lesson is

- no matter how smart
- you think you are in business

Something can always go wrong.

- Why couldn't you just tell me
- I was wigging?

Huh!

- Had I known what that
- was, I would have.

I had to sell my company.

I lost my blouse!

I was forced to take

ten cents on a dollar

from a corporate raider.

I'd like to meet that kid.

Memo to myself.

Remember to thank tamera

and Mr. Campbell in my speech

accepting the junior

business person award.

Oh, Jimmy! Here's a little

snack for the plane...

Some of my peach cobbler.

Well, thank you.

I'll savor every cobble.

Uh! There's the taxi.

I wish you could stay.

Me too, grandpa.

Yeah I'd like to but I have

to close that tea deal.

This could be the big one.

- Let me make
- a little investment.

No.

- Come on. Put me down
- for a thousand.

Oh well, if you insist.

You won't regret it.

Nice seeing you again, son.

Good seeing you too, Jim.

Dad.

Bye.

Oh, don't look now, ray

- but you were actually sounding
- like a son.

Yeah, I know.

He fancies himself

a slick businessman.

- I think I got to know him
- a little bit better.

He got $1,000 out of you.

No come on, I just felt sorry

for him and those tearooms.

- No, this is the first
- time he didn't con me.

Mm-hmm.

Or did he?

Nah. He didn't con me.

Nah...

He didn't con me.

Not this time.

Lisa, I've got

250 defective cups.

- Is there anything
- you can use them for?

No, tamera. Put them

in the recycling bin

after breakfast.

- -Good morning, everyone.
- -Good morning.

- Oh, boy,
- I got to get out of here.

Ooh, I got to go. I am so late.

Ray, you better not...

- I know I should have a regular
- breakfast but I can't.

I got to get to the office.

See you all.